"Sex & Intimacy -Ask Us Anything PT.4" | POWER HOUR | Ep.152 - 13 May 2021

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] good afternoon par our family around the globe we love you i am glad you are here and we have an exciting hour of lots of very personal very detailed things to share so you're not going to want to miss this and i am joined by the everest and the delightful the particularly gorgeous duo of anointed women that are sarah j bickert and deb finch welcome ladies good day good day hi are you both doing doing great yes we were all together yesterday it was a fun it was a fun and long day wasn't it the the church meeting the staff meeting and the um the directors we've had we had super time enough i think our fourth wednesday together yes we've had we've had four church meeting times together in a year the last four wednesdays in a row and uh yeah it's lovely it's lovely actually so um you sarah jane are counting down the days because your son's leaving home yes he is after all this time together in lockdown and you know what it's like you're intensely together as a family and we've been intensely together the four of us i have a son and a daughter so thomas is 19 he'll be 20 in july and since he was 11 he's wanted to join the army it has been his dream and i have not been able to shake him out of it i'll pray out of it or any other way that a mom's heart would might want to and the lord you know just trusting god in all of these choices that our children are making with him for their own life but he is joining the army and his basic training begins on the 30th of may so you can be praying for us as a household the three of us left and for my mummy heart and my husband is like oh he'll be back for holidays and i'm like yeah but he's going it will be very different i have to say the three of us is as mums we have children all of a very similar age and uh it just happens this year that you know jessica's my jessica in fact you're losing both your children on one year one to the army and one to university sarah jane yeah yeah will go off on september yeah and debs yours your eldest is going to uni as well later on this year i mean it's utterly heartbreaking well you've been through it so um you know what it's like so we'll be coming to i'll be coming to you and i think debs actually our daughters might even be at the same city for universities so they can at least meet up and be together as church family friends yes i don't know if it's gonna get better but i i don't like it i don't like it at all it's heartbreaking i must say i did that i mean i cried like a baby i'm not prone to being a weepy person i'm not really a weepy human being i cry when somebody does something well actually you know i think i feel that maternal pride when somebody does something well and so watching the olympics and people getting personal bests is like a complete emotional thing for me they did so well you know so that's just me but i have to say we um i sat in the car park in the car the day i drove away from university with jessica and i just thought i can't drive uh i can't i couldn't even see i out of my own eyes to get onto the road therefore i sat there for ages trying to hold it together but of course you don't want to hold on to them wrongly god bless her she's going to do so well she's going to thrive know so yes uh to all of you who have gone through it uh you can pray for us as a mummy hearts and uh yes and then we'll pray for you and you guys go through if you've got younger children so ladies we decided that we would ask for questions and this is session four of answering your questions and it befalls the three of us to perhaps answer some of your most interesting questions now when we answer the vaccine question we split the audience and uh we got a lot of hate over uh the vaccine question i have to say i am having my second vaccine this afternoon so you know how we concluded that conversation and uh but we had a number of questions on sex and physical intimacy and let me just read you the one that really uh provoked us if my computer isn't it's an inter actually i don't have the name of the person who asked this uh so sorry for not acknowledging maybe you don't want to be acknowledged maybe you hate your name but but my team uh just compiled this document for you for me it says this have you ever had a supernatural encounter while being intimate with your spice is not an interesting question have you ever had a supernatural encounter and i don't know whether i'm going to tell you the answer to that but uh have you ever had a supernatural encounter whilst being intimate with your spice and the person goes on to say this is my legit fear and we had some other questions around sexual intimacy but it was that question that i thought that requires a decent conversation about the purpose of sex and the physic the physicality of sex and the spirituality of sex now you also asked us about climate change so i don't know how we will link sex and climate change and then you also asked us about tithing so my very hilarious husband who i hope is now blushing because we're always trying to uh title these sessions he said this emma you should call i'm reading from his text he said should i still tithe if i have sex during global warming oh thank you for that suggestion uh so uh and yes craig mckay is saying this is going to be an interesting lunch it is good it's not a serious question should i tithe if i have sex during global warming okay not that one so okay let let me just set the scene and and i'm going to give you a lot of top tips i'm going to give you a lot of prayers that you need to be praying actually as a husband and wife team particularly if you are both christian so this is this is uh practical and seriously unreleasing and i get really yes and we are going to gary hayward thank you i am going to talk about christian orgasms versus non-christian orgasms it is an interesting question and we i wish we were more honest about this i think if we had been more honest about this kind of stuff i think we would not have got into the horrible mess that some of us have got into we don't talk about the issues of pornography enough we don't talk about the difference between sex in god's kingdom and sex in satan's kingdom because there is a difference so let me just jump in and then we will kind of build this together all right and of course because i sold viagra for years um i mean legitimately i know we always just we always joke about that and uh and uh because people find it incredibly amusing but um i did sell viagra for years when i worked with pfizer and uh my whole paid occupation was genuinely to talk about erectile dysfunction and um so look i lost any sense of weird sensationalism or articulation about this subject a long long time ago so i i am able to uh be fairly straightforward and truth bold truth telling with this because i'm just not interested in nonsense you know i think god absolutely uh got me over that in the viagra sales dale's days in farmer land and actually in the reality of erectile dysfunction um so so uh uh let us just be bold and truth-telling right um what does sex achieve and why did god create sex i think clearly we talk about physical intimacy and we talk about being known and we talk about pleasure and the need for pleasure in marriage and we talk about procreation and children but i think very very rarely do we talk about sex being a spiritual transaction and that is where i really want to go today now i can give you lots of top tips for christian sex but i want to just initially go into spiritual transaction now interestingly in scripture we don't see a marriage ceremony we don't see god ever say oh here are the voice for better for worse for richer for purr you know in sickness and health to death to us part i think they are memorized because you know when you perform weddings you do just memorize the whole ceremony but that is not in scripture and so can i say to you that marriage in scripture is begun with the act of sex not with a ceremony and that sex in scripture is the start point for biblical marriage isn't that interesting that it is at the point of sex that not only do our bodies join physically but there is a union and a merging and a fusion of two into one spiritually so i say to people who have had sex outside of the uh legal marriage that that is actually the marriage ceremony of god sex is the marriage ceremony of god and so sex says it is that act that is both physical and also spiritual in that it fuses you sex is cover me covenantal so if you have sex you are married before god oh yeah yeah that's interesting isn't it which is why when you have it with the wrong person you get into all sorts of needs to clean things up and break covenants because if you then go on to somebody else marry somebody else you have already got a covenant established before god which is why if you don't break that covenant you often dream about your ex-sexual partners because you didn't just enter something physical with them you entered something spiritually covenantal with them all right that is our start point and very often when i'm dealing with marriages i am dealing with people who are having dreams about previous sexual partners because they are married to them multiple times before god with different people so that is the start point that is the start point to say that sex is spiritual as well as being physical now we are going to progress a little bit from that and get more bold as we go on but uh sarah jane and debs you take over and uh we'll build on this sex is spiritual sex is union sex is covenant um yes and and so for me this all begins in genesis 2 even as we look and we know those scriptures really well where god created man and he created woman from the flesh of man and that sense of he took a rib out of adam and he made two people from one person and so that sense of actually the coming together of one flesh of one person as man and woman come back together is a physicality uh question it's a uh um a question of two people coming together as a man and wife but it's also a question of society i think and how man and woman come together and how men and women were created in the beginning and so for me it's the in the beginning question and the in the beginning question was two are supposed to be one and so just as you're saying emma that sense of the the togetherness and the the oneness the fusion the catalysm if you will in the spirit and of the flesh which obviously physically would be demonstrated in orgasm there's a sense of actually there is a there is a connecting point between a man and a woman where something actually happens physiologically and spiritually and for me it is the if you will the prophetic sign even of the oneness of the spirit that we read of in john 15 and john 17 where jesus says you know may they be one as you and i are one father this union that we're called to as the people of god this one spirit this one flesh coming together through christ jesus is seen in a marriage and i and i think you know if we take that even further the effect of that on society the oneness of society the togetherness of society where man and woman come together in that covenantal place of marriage so it impacts on on so so much but i think let's you know read and study john 15 read and study that prayer of jesus again and read again genesis 2 if if we have got skewed in our thinking about what sex is and that it's somehow an optional extra to have saved sex for marriage because you've just flipped that all on the head and we totally agree with that that actually marriage starts in a sexual union you're muted emma yeah sorry i muted my marriage um uh marriage starts at the point of sex so i have got to deal with a whole set of questions before i progress this about uh rape and assault and sexual um um uh abuse as children yes the unfortunate thing in those situations which will apply to many of you who are abuse survivors is that though it was against your will you are still bonded with your abuser until the tie is cut because that is the covenantal place uh in the act of penetration and what that means is that when two become one flesh it is often why abused people struggle to leave their abusers even though they know they want to even though the world might be screaming leave that abuse situation because you have got covenantally bind and become one flesh it is often takes you to a place where you struggle to leave all right because you're bonded you're bonded covenantally all right and so that means that you is a very simple thing to break because a load of you are going to go oh my goodness oh my goodness i've been raped i've been abused that's why i can't get rid of some of the memories that's why it still seems so raw even after years of healing why am i so triggered by this abuse surely i should have healed by now probably it is because the soul tie isn't cut and so those are simple prayers in the name of jesus you can repeat this and do this for yourself after i cut the soul tie that formed between me and this other person name them in the name of jesus i sever our connection i break the covenant that was formed even though i didn't want it in the name of jesus i take back from that person what they stole from me and i give uh i give anything that i have of them back that way and we just separate you by prayers now when you uh when you do those whether it's divorce uh whether it's a relational breakdown that's had sex uh whether it's an abuse situation if you have if you uh want to move on uh in any way emotionally and and relationally you must cut soul ties okay you must cut soul ties all right and the the change i've watched in people over this is instantaneously freeing and i think you can have an awful lot of counselling for sexual abuse and actually uh it doesn't fully hold in my experience until that soul tie or the god covenant that you didn't want form the covenant at is is broken even if the abuser is dead uh uh somebody is asking okay uh we gotta get some of you healed from this um but soul ties is the way to go uh i'm just gonna scroll through the questions deb's come in on this yeah and i think i think you know for many this is where the enemies come in and i think a lot of people can be introduced to sex in shameful ways you know and it's a dirty word like sarah jane said do you know um magazines abuse like just talked and the natural result is in order we have to overcome a lot of deep seated feelings and anxieties about it before we can even begin to recognize that this is a gift that god has given us and it's hard to to marry marry the guilt-ridden burdensome thoughts with actually how can this be a ladder a pathway to a spiritual experience a holy god when i'm trying to reconcile it with that and you're just so right about the the soul tie being and quite often we go to try to free our minds from memories from thoughts from connections and i think god's just remind us that we're we're citizens of heaven and we often you know we we're citizens also of our culture but we're currently living in a culture that is very very mind focused especially in the west you know and we um we look at we look at the east for their their mindfulness practices and their spirituality and a lot of our influence came in you know in our biomedical and model in in the victorian times which was very much we have our emotions our spirit are under the control and the power and the rule of our mind and it's just seeing that exchange that actually you know the mind-body third argument is so powerful in order to connect fully with another person and to connect fully you know to guard excellent excellent sergeant yeah i just think what you were sharing both of you is really really helpful because i think you know many of us will be in relationships and marriages who have been in previous sexual relationships and this what we would call as acceptable in society right now serial monogamy yes i'll stay with one person until that doesn't work anymore and then i'll move on to something else so the same uh principle applies of what you're saying emma for uh those who have suffered abuse and this sense of the you know our tangled web if you will of soul tie connections and covenants that were unaware of that we've made um as transactions in the spirit and those fusions are there so then why don't relationships work you know why aren't sexual relations working in a marriage and quite often because of those soul ties that are so intertwined and so fused to who we are and um and even our responses in relationships being almost like pre-programmed to a previous relationship that we had because of the the fusion and transaction in the spirit the physical and uh through the through those covenantal relationships and we can begin to see why society in a broader scale is so messed up um and family dynamics are so confused because of all these inter spiritual physical transactions that have taken place um and this of course ripples out to sex trafficking all those involved in that and what that does spiritually in a region it you know it's just the whole thing all starts with an intimate relationship between one man and one woman or or say our same sex when it's perverted as we know david i wonder if you can put on the screen the the the verse uh it's in um uh the old testament but then jesus read quotes in the new testament and it's probably the best known verse about marriage and certainly i've preached a few times uh over the years that they you leave your father and your mother you cleave and the two become one flesh and the cleaving is a word for union it it it's an indicator of physical intimacy and this cleaving and this becoming one flesh in the act of sex is the biblical basis for the for how we talk about covenant and soul tie being formed and we also see soul ties being formed actually just in friendships but that's a whole other conversation when we read about david and jonathan okay let me keep going with with the sex thing because otherwise i'll not get to make the points i think you really need to hear so if i was to say this sex is sex is a statement of what heaven is like oh sex is a statement of what heaven is like sex is from heaven that we in the image of god are able to be passionate and highly relational and fused and in union and that sex does not originate in the kingdom of darkness sex comes from heaven and it reflects some of the nature of god oh come on and we have divorced god and sex to it's appalling we have divorced god why did we do that we picked sex up and we threw it into satan's hands and we said oh well that must be the kingdom of darkness i mean sex must be this country of satan whereas sex comes from the country of god it comes from the kingdom of god and it is a reflection of as it is in heaven we don't like to think of sex in heaven and we don't like to think of sex and physical intimacy in some way being a reflection of who god is because we have so tarnished it and we've got to redeem sex okay so in the kingdom of satan over here sex is physical only in the kingdom of god over here sex is marriage and sex is spiritual union in the kingdom of satan sex is transactional in the kingdom of god sex is connection satan has stolen sex from the church satan has satan has stolen sex so what that means is that in our porn epidemic satan has told us that sex is so physical only that porn pornography has become the epidemic of the loss of spiritual satisfaction did you hear that pornography is an epidemic of the loss of spiritual satisfaction it is the lie that you can only be satisfied in a physical way and so we run to porn for satisfaction believing that i'm only satisfied physically whoa but when i understand that in the kingdom of god sex in marriage is spiritual and physical satisfaction i get satisfied in the entirety of my being in sex in god's covenant whereas in sex outside of god's covenant i only get satisfied physically there's no comparison and so in satan's kingdom sex is about erotic desire but in god's kingdom sex is divine desire now what that means is we have all sorts of problems with desire desire don't kill it don't you dare pray desire out of yourself don't do it some of you got to repent right now you wanted to stop feeling you wanted to stop desiring you wanted to stop being physically turned on don't you kill your desire that god gave you don't you dishonor the king when desire is a gift to you you just need to redeem it [Music] and then i'm going to come back to you but i'm going to say some explosive things sex in the kingdom of satan is all about orgasm and it's all about temporary so i need more and more and more i need you know uh uh more frequent sex to have this temporary feeling of orgasm which is why it becomes an addiction i told you i was going to be honest with you but in their marriage covenant sex unpacks a longing for heaven sex is a earthly version of what heaven will be like and yes i did say that can i say this heaven is orgasmic it is what are you expecting when you get to heaven are you expecting it to be just like here oh come on no you're not you'd be sorely disappointed if heaven was just like here heaven is orgasmic heaven is ecstasy heaven is longing fulfilled and sex is a gift of god a precursor of how heaven will feel so high i feel in sex is how i will feel all the time in heaven it's a gift of god it's a reflection of something that he's given us and that actually in that satan's kingdom i know some of you are going wow wow wow some of you are probably blushing but in satan's kingdom in the temporary nature of orgasm my desire gets peculiar but actually something orgasmic can open up in a husband and wife where they live in this higher place of ecstasy because god allows this precursor of heaven to remain in the midst of marriage so sex in marriage should get better and better and better i have so much more i want to say stop me take the floor you too and then i'll come back to it oh i think the the beautiful pure yearning that god gives us is a gift and you know some of you will be going you know what does that look like and and how does one even think about the description of the yearning that is physical that is that is satiated in a union in marriage through sexual relations and i think you can go to song of songs for that that was deemed too steamy to read until you were 30 um in jewish tradition and culture until one day they decided they were going to bring it to the seder meal because it was a sign of the union of family and marriage and relationship man with god man with women and uh mom and dad with the family and so this sense of the yearning you know i'm desperate for my lover you know and the beloved is is chasing after his lover and i think you can read that the first time and go whoa is this really in the bible but actually the more you read it the more you see that that that expression of yearning desperate craving of the beloved and the lover for one another is is exactly what you say is a um an analogy of of that yearning for the kingdom of god and the yearning of of ourselves to our savior to our husband to our bridegroom and the word actually the hebrew word as a friend was telling me as i was praying in tongues the other week i'm praying isha isha and i knew it was the name for jesus but she said do you know that's the name for bridegroom in hebrew i was praying that and it was like desperately praying for the bridegroom for the the nation we live in and and this expression of yearning we need you our bridegroom what happens when you when you meet your bridegroom there is a union and so it totally makes sense but we've sanitized scripture we've sanitized um christianity haven't we yeah and it's time it got hot under the collar again and that yearning in that passion that's where it's at yeah amen debs yeah and so what we're saying is that sex is actually a way that we can get closer to god and understand him more and i think often it's our sexual lives there are the last parts that we choose to develop spiritually and we and we focus on all other areas actually it's an area that we're neglecting to encounter him and we're so easily indeed like who is this god that i imagine that i'll accept the trials and the hardships and the and the travail and the fasting yet i don't fully believe that i can experience pleasure and yearning and you know all those things we've talked about and and and that is you know they wrote um you've just talked about um the ancient news and they take sergey and it was written um by the includes that when a man unites with his wife in holiness the shekinah is between them in the mystery of man and woman yes yes it's so sobering to think that that's the same shekine and glory that moses experienced when he saw god face things so the same encounter of god face to face is the same shekinah experienced in the union as a man and a woman and it can't be more of a spiritual experience of understanding the reality of what heaven is in other than in that union yeah yes no i mean to be perfectly honest that's a great death i think we've opened up more questions i than we're answering here uh oh my a load of you have and i appreciate it for abuse victims this is a difficult conversation so you know i don't mind uh if some of you need to switch off because of you've been abused and you're like i just can't compute this right now we get that um i think as well uh for those of you are single got a lot of single questions there is a gift of singleness and i think you and a gift for the single and i do think it you you're gonna have to pray along the lines of you know god i want to embrace the gift of singleness if i find myself in that place otherwise i'm going to get really messed up in my thinking and i embrace the gift the gift the gift of what the singleness gives me if i am in that place right now to help steward me no top tips seriously top tips because in the kingdom of god sex is covenantal and spiritual as well as physical you need how you need to know how to be good at it physically and you need to know how to be good at it spiritually all right and we don't teach this enough because you can go to the world and the kingdom of darkness for how to be good at sex physically but who do you talk to about how do you be good how do you get to be good at sex spiritually has anybody ever told you that how do you get to be good at sex spiritually and have a spiritual encounter in the middle of it which should be your norm there's interesting questions isn't it okay now i have done some research on this and in fact it was my minister and uh david white in the church of england who david how old would we have been 18 1920 he was our minister instead michael the belfry oh many many years ago and he would have first taught david and i on this and uh we kind of picked that up over the years of our married life and and find him to be it to be true he would preach from the platform that the best sex he ever had was after really intense times with the holy spirit and that it wasn't about oh you know let's do something a bit sleazy and then we might feel physically turned on but because sex is spiritual he said the best sex was after they prayed in tongues after they worshiped together after he he and his wife had been to a great anointed conference that that was the best sex of their lives and i remember listening to him as a pre-married teenager going oh my goodness is that right you know because it it he lifted sex up and he put it in a spiritual context and you and i are so screwed up in our thinking we think that god doesn't want to be in our bedrooms and so what we have found over the years is that actually when we are praying in tongues or worshiping god and the the union that falls out of that is much more rewarding than just the physical urge that is really a satan's kingdom beginner oh i hope this is an eye opener somebody is saying it is so watch how should you live in light of that i want to choose my words really carefully here have you ever prayed this god where do you want to take us together in our physical intimacy god we put you back in the middle of our sex lives god what do you have for us in our physical intimacy god bless our physical connection and when you start to say to god god we are open to where you want to take us spiritually and physically look if you pray that your marriage and your physical relationships will will flick up gears glory to is supposed to be glory to glory why do we think that every other thing is glory to glory to glory to glory but physical connection is is somehow diminishing apply glory to glory to every facet of your life come on you've read scripture it should get better and better from glory to glory from faith to faith god bless this sex life bless our sex strives to align god bless this intimacy and take us to where you want us to go physically and spiritually excellent before i go on sarah jane devs very good emma i'm taking notes right that was fine i was just saying when we we were young we had um similar teaching and and actually married a few years and somebody um spoke to us and said the best thing for a healthy marriage is to invite the holy spirit into the bedroom with you and uh and we were like really because it we fully believe that that's the bit where we shut the door he turns around he actually covers his eyes and ears and he's not even part of that nor does he want to be because he's the holy god and we're going to defile him if we invite him in and that just revolutionized our mindset somebody that said holy spirit you are welcome here come and join us come and be with us and we want to know and meet you more in our union and that that was the first time we'd ever encountered such thinking and it's a it's a mind changer and it's a game changer it totally is it totally is now i mean i'm going to recommend a couple of books but i am going to there are there is much more to be said on this because um we're talking in some senses quite ethereally but of course i spend a lot of my time dealing with marriages that are broken so what do you do there and what do you say into that and i'm going to give you some top tips into that again i have comments from the singles coming through loud and clear embrace in your prayer time the gift of singleness and i would say um uh i've dealt with um some sexual abuse survivors who couldn't orgasm uh when they got married for obvious trauma sitting on their bodies but whenever they started to pray these prayers orgasms shifted because it was taking the memory in their bodies of sex in the kingdom of darkness to sex in the kingdom of god um and i think orgasm does change climax does change when the holy spirit is involved it is a much better more rewarding thing and one of the books i mean i actually i've got books and books on this subject in fact let me pause and give you some thoughts deborah hirsch on her book redeeming sex this is close to the to the wire uh she is uh she's a real straight talker redeeming sex actually can i tell you what her first quote is on on her first page of chapter one and i think this sums up is it a quote she says the only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm the only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm god is the god of orgasm i'm sorry we don't like that alley mcfarland in the comments you're absolutely right great book right next a little bit more detailed uh and deep but well worth a read if this is the the subject that you want to uh on that comment um uh i do find uh myself thanking god for my husband in those physically intimate places and it enhances our connection both with the divine and with each other okay so the next one is divine sex an outstanding look at perversion in our culture and sex okay so that is a great one now and the third those would be my my two two best picks on this subject that we have a lot but um it's just something now this for teenagers oh my goodness if you have teenagers oh if you've got the divine sex on something and if you have teenagers you must must buy them this book ten questions every teen should ask and answer about christianity i have just bought a copy uh for everybody in our young adults group at church that charis runs and i've actually just bought uh one for our younger team my young it'll span age gaps um a younger teens and she answers god in science but she answers um about who cares if you're a girl or a boy and uh why can't we just agree that love is love marriage sex singleness same-sex attraction pornography and an abuse for teenagers do not miss that if you are raising children to reset their thinking okay it's that she's outstanding all right now let me let me keep going because there's so much more to say on this anything else girls before i talk about choice um i just think on the singles question and one of the areas that the lord was highlighting to me was about faithfulness in marriage and in singleness and so you know it's a gift of god to ask for faithfulness whatever the call of god is on your life whether it's to be married or to be single or in the process of being single before you get married and then when you're in the marriage it is lord let me be faithful in this relationship let me be faithful in what you've called me to be at this time and so i really feel like you know we know god is a faithful god we know that there is that gift of faithfulness it gives to us when we ask so i think those are good prayers and good thoughts of help me be faithful in this for the time that's set or if you know that you're called to be single for the rest of your life then for the rest of your life but i think god will give grace and he is faithful in that yeah debs yeah no that's all good you go it's great good okay right let's talk about the difference between that glorious build-up to marriage and then the tough reality sometimes of long-term relationships because a lot of you are there so i'm not talking to the singles right now although you might learn something for your future but i am going to talk right now to those who've been married for a while all right thumbs up let's go there we understand that there is a difference between being in love and loving each other and being in love i cannot tell you how many times i have said what i'm about to say to you in in in marriage situations this is a well trodden conversation for me okay so the in love is that i'm turning away from others i'm finding you my prime place of validation you know forsaking all others you know you are becoming larger and larger in my gaze and you are going on that in love emotion okay and that in love emotion is i actually think a lot of just base instinct it's a lot of hormones flying everywhere it's that kind of overwhelming sensation you're just so amazing you know we've all been there you know oh i'm like we call it teenager don't wait but adults get it too but that kind of like oh gooey gooey gooey all right can we just be honest about that unsustainable it's unsustainable all right you cannot live in a oh i'm so in love pl you can't all right because you wouldn't get anything done nothing would happen in the world so it's totally true because people who are in love are so highly distracted from anything else that's useful okay because of the the the rise of that i would want to say just god-given human instinct that bonds you that helps you find your mate and bonds you to that mate and i think that in love stage is as much a gift of god as anything else because he's got to get you down the aisle or he's got to get you into bed for the covenant of marriage anyway anyway let's not go there so god is it blesses you with that in love urgency and that in love drive now when that goes what are what are you left with do we love each other not are we in love but do we love each other you got to know the difference between immature love gooey gooey gooey to mature love i love you rather than i'm obsessed by you there's a massive difference now here is where marriage goes massively wrong we forget that in this mature love section it is good and it is right for the puppy dog drooling section to be over but we get scared when it's over because we have no idea how to fully navigate loving each other in a mature way loving each other in a mature way pivots around one word choice loving each other for life is a choice every day it is not an emotional position it is a position of will i choose you over and over and over and over and i choose you when i'm weak and i choose you when i'm frail and i choose you when i'm happy and strong you don't fall out of love with somebody that's demonic nonsense you fall out of the ability to keep choosing now some marriages do end with pain and trauma and adultery and moral failure but much more marriages end because there's no teaching on the fact that staying loving is a choice so how do you improve your sex life in the kingdom of god in long-term relationships by choice but i'm going to give you some prayers that will really help you i have watched people turn up at my doorstep and say to me i don't find my spice attractive anymore i've had people say i don't think i could ever be in bed with them again i've had people say horrific things of dem demeaning and diminishing words about whether they're attracted or turned on by their spice and i have watched them totally transform understanding that it is a choice that you make not a fluttering feeling and we end relationships because nobody teaches us about the nature of mature love so i have given this homework to a lot of people and i'm not giving it a mass to you if you start to say and actually if you're dating anybody who's dating start praying these as well i choose to find my physical satisfaction in you i choose have you looked at your spice and told them that have you made that a decree i choose to find my physical satisfaction in you porn drops off i've watched people healed from porn not because i did some great deeper healing but because they started to make decrees of choice i choose to find my physical satisfaction in you next decree for the marrieds yes i can say it while dating at the right point in dating probably not the first date okay just okay i choose to have my skin sensitized to you only in other words i'm only aroused by you i mean if that's easier say it like that i choose to have my skin sensitized to you only you can see why this redeems marriages instantaneously i am attracted to you now what i've actually had some couples do over the years is face each other look at each other and say i enjoy sex with you because sometimes it can be a bit repetitive and mechanical i enjoy sex with you it opens a door to something fresh and a door to the spirit of god i enjoy sex with you and finally somebody's saying these should be views in marriage they absolutely should i think when we do marriage or new york i might add to end maybe not publicly okay i i think i need to write a book um you are my desire there are repetitive things clearly you are my desire now in a lackluster sex life in a stale marriage in all that comes with age and you know these are the things that are going back to the basic understanding that marriage is a daily choice debs and sarah jane boy i said a lot that what do you think that i choose you is is something that we humorously started saying to each other 21 years ago we we've been together 21 years married for 20. and it's in a film those who know the film will know the line where the couple say i choose you and it became very much a little romantic i choose you i choose you but we made a decision to keep saying that every day every few days and i tell you what the words paul to say as marriage grew and longevity set in and it was a i choose you was a real declaration of i need to choose you over choosing myself today and i i need and i i need to to lay me down to choose you because so often we empower ourselves with the ability to choose what we want in the freedom that god's given us but actually his plan for me was to choose luke and say i choose you and actually that that phrase it's funny that you've said that but that is something that we have to say um you know at least weekly we make a declaration to each other face to face i choose you some days it's harder it's true but it is a choice and i promise you mature love the i choose you that that i choose you the i love you for all my life is much more rewarding than that urgency of hormone that gets you into the bedroom in the first place and we we have squandered the i choose you thinking that what gets me into the bedroom is all that there is what gets you into the bedroom is very different from life's long sustaining of spiritual divine orgasms and climaxes that last as a sign of how heaven will feel yesterday yeah i think it is it's really great what we've just all talked about for the last hour and it's it's stimulating to think can everyone said the everyone it's stimulating to think about this more and i think meditate on the word of god in light of what we've been sharing because that sense of you know we talked about the beginning of the fusion being when you first um consummate your marriage is is the glue then that holds you together yeah but then it's the choice as well that layers on the glue and and our mind and our heart and and how they're positioned and actually for me today uh looking afresh at second peter one versus three on um you know god's divine power has been given to us for all of our needs in life uh including sexual relations in marriage and i think like we've said before it's everything and what does it go on to say it says that we partake of god's divine nature through that and so for me it's the you know sexual relationships in marriage and we could take that even to uh brother with brotherly relationships uh in the sense of the choice i choose to love you obviously not sexual relations as part of that but that i choose love in any relationship and that we're partaking in the divine nature and and we haven't i don't think thought of that before because we started the the satan has so distorted and perverted sex that we have lost our grip on it and so i'm excited in the sense of that if you were bringing it back into healthy marriage healthy relationships that were allowed and actually encouraged to praise some of those prayers and i thank you emma for putting words on some of the the the prayers because i think that is so so helpful um to have as a teacher yeah i i i we we're over time and i don't know what questions we've answered and whether we've actually just generated a whole new lot of questions that need to be answered um and of course i've really i've been focusing today on some of the spiritual dynamic uh uh but actually i would like to write some maybe it really is only for print and on uh some physical top tips in sex as well because i don't think i've ever read a christian book that talks about physical top tips and we we tend to think oh that's dirty that's for the camera such are no no no no the christians need to know how good sex works physically and spiritually but maybe i'll come back to that um and uh yes i appreciate some of you saying you probably need a man on this call but to be perfectly honest and i don't know that any of the men are um straight talking enough david wouldn't it's not even going to show his face so uh i can see him actually in in the production room in the but he's just going don't you dare put me on so uh all right and um i think uh bless you in this journey into redeeming sex and were those of you who oh that i remember the point i was going to make i think we leave marriage too late i think we do when you hear all of this we leave marriage too late in terms of age do you mean yeah i think we do uh we don't listen to to the to the polls teaching on you know better to be married than burn with lust it really is the real issues with getting married too early because i don't think we understand that marriage can last i think we don't want people to get married too early because we think they will fail but actually good marriage prep and understanding that it's choice sustains you for years age is not the issue the issue is not understanding that it's a choice that would be another one for discussion and and finally if you are struggling with sex drive and masturbation and you just need to get accountable to somebody and i find that um when when i come into accountable uh uh text messages on group chats with couples and there's always a few of those going on at any given point and and we actually have people on even internationally who text us every day as soon as you have an accountability partner and you actually heal because it's shared and sometimes uh when we are in the passage of james confess your sins to one another and be healed that is actually in the confession of the struggle that you get your healing and i think that applies to sex drive massively so if you are struggling get into an accountability partnership amen right sorry we're way over time we didn't even get to climate change all right we'll do climate that is really controversial climate change is even more controversial than this okay climate change on tuesday i promise we'll start there see you then enjoy your weekend [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Global Prophetic Alliance-Glasgow Prophetic Centre

Views: 10,651

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Id: oNgcGEEaj8I

Length: 66min 11sec (3971 seconds)

Published: Thu May 13 2021