Sebastian Maniscalco - First Date Deal Breakers

first states the big date right a lot of deal-breakers going on on that first date I watch how a woman eats this is a huge deal breaker for me okay took a girl out for Italian food she ate everything on the plate I got no problem with that but then she took a piece of bread and did a sponge job my father does that during the holidays you might want to wait too we fall in love until you start mopping up sores not a big deal breaker for me when I go to the girl's house for the first time ladies be prepared for to come over okay have some options for me you come to my place I'm ready it's like a hotel soon as we walk in I turn around you want a little diet coke apple juice wine what are you I got Orangina nobody's got orange [ __ ] throw that at a chick you want a glass of Orangina you have orange chi yeah this girl had nothing we walked in she turned around so like do you want some water something water I'll get that out of the hose one night went to this girl's house she she had a little scotch I said you put that on the rocks right she brought it out I want to take a sip I smelled the ice cubes the ice cubes smelled like the freezer I'm like what is this Johnny Walker and mixed vegetables change out your cues every three days I'm breaking ice at my house fresh but in the beginning everything's fantastic when you first start dating first couple months everything's adorable right flirt with each other she might be making a salad in the kitchen she might have a little broccoli hanging off for her it's the cutest thing you've ever seen right you walk in you're like baby you got a piece of broccoli hanging off yeah she flirts right back she's like Oh you get married you have a couple kids that [ __ ] ain't funny anymore little things start pissing you off about the person just everyday movement could set you off right just watching somebody brush their teeth in the morning right you're sitting there looking in the mirror like oh look at this crap I but you might find someone you love want to settle down start a family have some kids but when it comes to raising kids you know what cultures got it down though science the Japanese people right granny Japanese here tonight yeah and I like the Japanese cuz it was a 1 / faint clap I like them because Japanese people quiet they don't say nothing you ever see a Japanese family at a restaurant their kids are trained they sit like a soldier in a 90 degree angle they don't move you ever seen a white kid at the restaurant just in half a diaper mother just sitting there oh isn't he cute look no you know it's cute the two-year-old Japanese kid in a suit eaten with sticks my name is Sebastian you guys have been a fabulous family so I am divorced don't be sad divorce is just a legal term for no one has farted in my bed in two years your one trick to a successful marriage this is all you need to know never ever ever finish this sentence I'll tell you what I freakin think and you're done

Channel: Just For Laughs

Views: 4,405,558

Keywords: Just for Laughs, JFL, Stand Up Comedy, Stand-up, Stand up, Comedy, Funny, Comedian, Sebastian Maniscalco, #ArentYouEmbarrased, Aren't You Embarraseed?, maniscalco, comedian maniscalco, sebastian maniscalco comedian, sebastian comedy, sebastian maniscalco youtube, maniscalco stand up, maniscalco standup, sebastian stand up, sebastian standup, comedy sebastian, comedian sebastian, stand up sebastian, standup sebastian, youtube sebastian maniscalco

Id: pgkdYA3z3fc

Length: 6min 2sec (362 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 15 2015