- I would prefer someone say, I hope you get raped- (mumbling gibberish) (audience laughing) whenever you flub a line just
River dance. River dance whenever you flub
lines. And then you get them right
back. - I already got that gun all
the way up in that sphincter. A sigmoid colon. Yup. Yup. Yup. Keep it in there. That's a good
place. They can't ever find it. (imitating metal detector) Can't find it. - (indistinct)
- Pertinent. - Rips, Subordinate. - Subordinate Coordinate, - Coordinates son. - Coordinates. (group laughing) (clapboard clapping) - Now let's talk about this
procedure. We want to make a incision
directly on her diaphragm and then I'm going to put
my dick in her diaphragm. (people off-screen laughing) - And crawling, and we
crawling, crawling, crawling And were crawling.
- firing. And were firing, and were
firing, firing firing. Reload! - Bout to land! Bout to land! (indistinct) - Baby Forrest Whitaker, - Goo goo.
- Don't say a word. - [Director] And use your right
hand to stroke his thigh a little
bit. (audience laughing) - [Director] That was
just for me, and cut. (Keegan laughing) - Keegan has his own language by
the way. - I have my own little language. It comes out when, whenever
we're done with anything.
- [Director] five, four, three (audience laughing) - All right, this is one type, Alright?
(audience laughing) - You were thinking
about, you were thinking about shagoots. - Thinking about shagoots
trying to define it in my mind. (clapperboard claps) - By which I mean, you're
going to be getting- fuck! and you won't be receiving
recivible- (Keegan snapping) and you won't be receiving- and you won't be receiving
a favorable review on- and you won't be receiving a
receipt- - I'm giving you a regative- regative? - Oh my god why do I look
like Jeff Goldbloom's nuts? (Keegan laughs) - Some bitch.
(Peter singing) I hate you Peter. (crew laughing) Peter. That's how come it was so damn
easy. Shit. (Peele snapping) (trashcan thudding)
- Oh shit, it forgot (Peele snapping) (trashcan thudding) - Hip hop and chip chop. Tony Danza gonorrhea. Tony Danza Gonorrhea. - I don't know nothing about
these mm bop da bibbity boppity boop. The upchuck the boogie to the
up- Why we- (indistinct) Caw! Caw Caw! (crew laughing) - I don't know what these kids
takin bout with the Wu Tang yang, yin
yang, walla walla, bing bang. Justin Bieber, Justin fever fan
club. Sugar hill, hill street, blues,
blues cruise, Tom cruise. Stuff you playing right now,
make a brother a snooze. NWA oh, what do you know? (indistinct) spectacular? Talking about flash Gordon,
looking for the princess, living on a different planet,
saving the universe stuff. Its sister mister, sister
sister. Grab a tiger by the toe. Can't believe I missed the, bull
malarkey. Run DMC, see. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya. Don't stop the boogie,
to the bang bang boogie the upchuck- How nigga talkin bout upchuck? - Aint nobody talking about
upchuck. - Come on.
(both laughing) - Dude you with long hair looks
like one of the bad guys from temple
of doom. (everyone laughing) - That is so true. (clapboard clapping) - As hundreds of people are- (fist banging on desk) (Key yelling) (paper ripping)
I'm fucking weak! - I grew up next to a zoo,
with animal mating calls- - A minister right here,
- out of your window. Let us sleep over his house. And it's just- (loudly cawing) - Because I have flashbacks,
I have night terrors. Oh yeah that's right. That was you doing that, not the
giraffe? (both laughing) - This is mother fucker must be
in love with a woman named Dolly Track. (people laughing) - Like if this was the dude
he got shot right there. Yo, you can't scuba dive with
no holes in your dick, homie. Fuck you dude! Get the fuck out of here! (people laughing) - What are you doing? It's not alright. What is, what is it?
- I don't know. I don't even know.
I'm ashamed. (everyone laughing) What is it? (talking over each other) - I'm 110% against slavery. And the same would hold
true if they were Asian. Hey guys, Kwanzaa is a real
holiday, No matter what we say! White people are jerks
and black people are cool! I like big butts and I
refuse to lie about it! Watch Amistad educate yourself. (Keegan crying) - Let it out. - I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm fine. - Have a good cry. - Something something
something that rhymes with shy! - [Director] Okay one more. - I'm the leader of the free
world. What are you?
- Okay. - You're a child. - Not for long. You are a, - not for long.
- little girl. - Ill rebel. They're not going to re-elect
you with a crazy out of
control daughter are they? Make sure you get in the- all right see you just
went and hit a squirrel. (door slamming) - My Keegan, my Keegan! Where are you going my Keegan? (Keegan laughing off-screen) (Peele laughing) - ♪Larry's tires for scooters.♪ (everyone laughing) ♪Only, we only sell tiny tires.♪ (everyone laughing) ♪If you're looking for regular
size tires, don't come here.♪ (everyone laughing) - ♪What up? What up my favorite
Craig.♪ - What up? What up, its my
favorite Craig. - No I don't know you man. (clapboard clapping)
- Fast forward until we're looking forward
again. That's probably the best. - Fast forward until
we're looking forward. - You know we're not, you know
we're doing the scene where we're not
looking into the camera (Peele speaking indistinctly)
- right, yeah. - You don't even need a pigeon. I will be the messenger- - I can make, I do mouth noises. - Wrap a message around my arm
- I can I'm a good- I'm a drawer I draw. He does draw, with chalk is his
medium. - There's a black, black people. There's a difference between when there was the day of video
stores. (audience laughing) What happened? What happened
right there? - I snorted. I snorted. (audience laughing) Snot comes out of your nose
right there. (singing indistinctly) (intense outro)
