Sarah Swafford: "Off the Hook: The Gentlemen's Guide" | SEEK2019

hey how's it going good yes am I crazy or am I crazy I'm crazy yes dude I can't see you but I love you that guy I mean can you guess you can kind of see me yeah good I am just really pumped you showed up I told somebody I'm like it's gonna be ten guys and I talking relationships so hey thank you and this look the slow clap just made my day so thank you you guys are so good first of all why is this chick giving this talk I would like to just put this out here to begin with I have my own fantasy football team Buffalo Wild Wings is my favorite restaurant and I spend way too much time with Scott Van Pelt that is just how I have to say just want to start with that right I'm also surrounded by really good men so this is my family I always might OH my family went away do you see my pictures where are you hot guys so this is gonna be a fun oh that's fun this is my husband this is suave so I am surrounded by good man I've been married 13 years I know isn't that fun his name is Andy we all call him suave so he's a professor at Benedictine college so doc suave suave daddy Pippi did he suave my favorite is David Hasselhoff but you might not know who that is he is a very good-looking man so and then these are that's my family so I have two older brother I have two little brothers but they're both six four so everyone thinks I'm the younger the only little sister I'm like hold up no so so that's all my family and then this these are my kiddos so this is the the crew so Thomas Fulton Kate and Colby and this is the basketball number five this is our next boy so another man another dude you guys are so fun so I I love I'm having another boy so I'm just trying to like make the cool make like you guys have to make them cool okay so come come hang out right but before we get too far I want you to know that like I'm real these are all just like cute pictures right so I like to put this I put this whole video together it's a one-minute montage of me putting together the worst pictures of me just so you know that I'm here to be real all right are you guys ready for it so this is just I went through my phone and just picked really bad pictures so that you guys know that we're just a really normal family so I'm working on it this is me no makeup at McDonald's my preferred place of choice this is a shot of my triple chin this is a still shot of my triple chin and I just look constipated in this picture I don't know what's going on this is fantastic my husband for the win Kate for the win on this picture yeah family picture we're always a mess hang around find out Kate was like what what's the problem Christmas card worthy yeah my kids my shower cap is the favorite hat lots of up the nose shots on my phone and this is a great video Oh Colby doesn't understand that you just die every time and this isn't me but I wish it was because let's be real that's what I send my friends and that's who I am so I just I bring this all to you guys because I think a lot of times it's really easy thank you guys you're awesome I think it's really easy sometimes in our lives to look at couples or look at families and be like oh they're like got it all together so perfect like it's messy amen I actually spent the morning with the women over here in the women session you spent the morning with my good friend Jason Everett he's blessed Jason Everett amen yeah I love him and I'm really glad you guys got time with him but what I did is I basically took the talk that I gave the women and I prayed through it and I want to give you that talk but as men does that make sense I again a 35 year old pregnant lady who is like what the heck does she have you know what is she gonna say but I really come to you and it from a place of just like deep deep friendship and like I stand on this stage because I want to fight for you because you have been dealt a tough hand and I spend a lot of time with the women this morning and one of the things he talked about was that women really struggle with control competition and confusion and I asked a bunch of my guy friends I hang out a lot with the men I've been addicted and written my Ravens I know they're out there somewhere but I asked them I go do you guys struggle with those three and one of the guys looked at me and he goes no just confusion all confusion right and I was like okay good so confusion and so that's why I want to start this talk off a little bit is like men and women created equal but a little different yes men always look at me and they're like sir I didn't even say anything and I was wrong I don't know like I just look at women I'm like back away slowly like don't set it off right like and like I speak on behalf of women and women are so different right there's a lot of different types of women but I will come and stand before you and say like the secret to women right there there's just complicated okay and they are not like you so I told the guy one time I'm like if you ever had like a really intense emotional reaction to something and he was like I think so I was okay so that really intense emotional reaction you had times that by 10 and that's normal for us and he was like whoa I was like yeah here and I mean and like if a girl ever tells you no it doesn't mean anything this doesn't mean anything that's just such a bold-faced lie everything means something right it's been said that men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti right so like if you pour syrup on a waffle and it just like goes nicely into all the little hole like all these little squares right like that's men it's like oh yeah facted me here affected me here no not there there right women are like spaghetti it's like elf if you pour syrup all over the spaghetti like it is all gonna get hit do you know what I mean like it's like the circuit board were you like plug things in and if it's shorts the whole thing blows up right like I'm just like I'm bringing this to you because it's true right like I love it how you know girls like guys will take out a box to like you know in their life check out a box open it up and there's nothing in it and it's like that's okay like guys have boxes of nothing their life there's no such thing for when there's something in the box every time does that make sense so like women's hearts are just shaped differently than yours and that's okay right but I think the thing that's the truest is that we can definitely inflict a ton of pain on each other amen I am so like that's one of the things I'm excited to bring to you is just this idea of like I know it's confusing like how do you I asked a guy this one time I was like how do you pursue a woman in the 21st century if tinder is not your thing and he was like that's what this talks about I was like yeah and he's like I'm really glad I'm here I'm like good so I'm really glad you guys are here because that's my question to you how do you pursue a woman in the 21st century right how do you be like I I come to you because again like I want to fight for you because if I took this mic and walked around this room and asked every single one of you what it means to be a man in the 21st century I would get thousands of different answers right is it hard is it complicated yeah I mean it there's answers yes but it gets a little up in and I think it's up in our heads right it's like what am I supposed to be doing do you guys ever feel that way you're like okay I know everything I'm I don't want but like what the heck am I actually supposed be doing right now right so it's confusing women are a little bit hard to understand women aren't like I feel intensely and we can hurt each other but I I'm also gonna like step over here and say when I started doing ministry like seven or eight years ago I I started like working with the women right because everyone's like oh so you do relationships like girl stuff I'm like I actually prefer to be with you like I've told some of my friends is I would rather give a men's talk because if if you and I spent time together and we're on the same page the women will be fine yes so I want to say something at the beginning of this just straight from my heart which is it it really really drives me crazy when women hurt you and think that you don't feel and that you don't have emotions and that you don't care like I get hot like I get mad you know what I mean like I have to like rein it in right because I sit and I listen to you and I read your emails and I read your Instagram direct messages and I feel for you because there's not a lot of places for you to take that to take that I feel very honored that a lot of you bring it to me but this talk is about taking it to a couple other places like I want to give you some tools to run with this okay so the number one thing is is there was a couple years ago I gave a talk and I did it open Q&A and they were able to pass questions forward and they gave me these little slips of paper and I said can everyone just write down one thing they're struggling with at the bottom and they passed the papers forward and this is what the papers this was the slide that had all the papers not her this is what the men and women sent back when I went to my hotel room and read the room I'll just go quickly insecurities fears worries about the future loneliness communication struggles past regrets worries about the world financial struggles depression anxiety addictions family members with addictions sexual abuse body image struggles eating disorders cutting suicidal thoughts struggle with pornography significant others struggle with pornography sexual sin significant other is distant from God and the church family is distant from God in the church confusion about gender and sexuality same-sex attraction wounds from the past forgiving someone forgiving yourself lack of self-worth and confidence self-hatred lack of trust and God raise your hand if you struggle with just one thing on this list okay just kind of look around the room did you see that like that was everyone yeah okay you guys ever feel like you're alone in your battle and you would never say anything about any of these things right women women - the women really struggle with admitting it that they're struggling men it is like cardinal sin number one to admit weakness right and I come to you to say that this list is true for the women they're hurting have you ever just like seen a girl actor react to something and you're like why is she doing like what what why right just everyone look at the list again one more time that's why in your own heart like when something happens you're like Wyatt what the heck why did I do that the other night like why am i in this what is going on like let's just glance at the glance together up at that right and here's the deal we're hurting yes thank you you can take the list down like I know we're hurting I just want make sure you know the women are hurting and that I know you're hurting but I know that like that's not a conversation that's happening and then on top of that we have what I call the cycle of use and a lot of you know this but like it's inflicting a ton of pain on people in a lot of times you know it looks like this men will use women to get what they want and women will use men to get what they want fill in the blanks right typically it's like men will emotionally manipulate women like get them where they're most vulnerable to get what they want which is sex and women will use sex their sex appeal their bodies what they know they have to offer that they can throw out there to get what they want which is to feel loved or to feel romance or to be totally honest to feel anything at all because they're so tired of feeling so empty and alone and men use women emotionally and physically and women use men emotionally and physically right it's just a cycle but the problem is that we don't we don't talk about it I won't call it out and I think it's just like that great myth that it's like oh yeah like guys are tools they use women all the time it's like no I was I mean I like that back that train up like women use men emotionally and physically all the time too we just don't talk about that quite as much Jamin like i just want you to hear from my heart that like i hear you and i know that there's a lot of stereotypes out there and you guys get boxed but like that's not fair to you because you feel and you have emotions and so when someone is using you or you've been used like i really just want to come to you and i want to say from like the bottom of my heart that I'm sorry like I stand on a stage to tell you on behalf of women that like I'm sorry for the times that they've hurt you and I'm sorry for the times that you've been cheated on and I'm sorry for the times that they've emasculated you and tell you that you're worthless or that you're not enough I'm sorry for the times that you had to go through really terrible breakups that were just super messy and the games that have been played with your heart I'm sorry that you haven't been loved well by women and I'm really sorry that you haven't been loved well by other men in your life especially your dads I've been sweeping up pieces of broken people for a long time and I love sweeping them up and helping put them back together but I have a really special place for you men that come to me and I try to put you back together cuz if I can put you back together you can help me put the women back together yes and my heart just really hurts for you because you've been dealt like I said a really tough hand and I'm sorry for the times that you've been hurt but I want to give you every tool I can to help you fight back and to help you love people that have hurt you well there's something you need to forgive or someone that you need to reach out to or someone that something in your heart that needs to heal like that's the tools I want to give you in the first thing I want to tell you is I want you to take these two sentences and I want you to put them on a piece of paper and put it in your in your back pocket and I want you to pull them out whenever you need to okay okay after me I will not use you and I will not let you use me it's really important for me to hear you guys have you guys say it somebody say it one more time I will not use you and I will not let you use me I had a guy come up to me one time it was Benedict ten years ago and like big like six foot five like offensive lineman and he comes up to me and I was out walking the kids and on just like a walk and he looks at me and he's like we were walking along he's like mrs. Wofford can I talk to you for a minute and I was like yeah absolutely and so you're like we just start walking and like chatting and all of a sudden he like turns to me and he's like I gotta tell you something I was like okay and he was like I was at your talk a couple weeks ago and he was like the very next weekend I found myself alone in a room with a girl and I was about to make a really poor life choice and I looked her in the eye and your stupid voice came in my head and I was like I can't use you and I can't let you use me and he's like and I walked out of the room and I like I walked down the stairs and I walked across the quad and I walked up to my apartment and I like stopped and I thought to myself I think for the first time in my life I know what it means to be a man I was like oh right and I looked at this guy I was like oh you the man you the man right like and and he just looked at me I said you have no idea the gift that you gave her that night I was like you handed her a gift that only you could give her you handed her her dignity and her self-worth and her confidence and I could stand on a stage for two weeks and tell her that she's beautiful in that she's worth more than that she's worth the weight and I could go on for days and I wouldn't be able to do what you were able to do in two seconds like you're the man thank you and he cried and I cried and I'll never forget the look in his eye cuz it clicked and something in his life and then something in his heart said I get it if you have to me I will not use you and I will not let you use me I'll be really honest with you do you guys ever do you guys ever feel like you have a plan for your life do you feel like you have a plan for your life yeah you sit down you have a Franklin like Covey or something okay good good sticky notes sticky notes are good work the same way right my husband is a sticky note man he's like I can keep this all straight I'm like you crazy so here's the deal you have a plan for your life and I know that you have an idea of what you think is gonna make you happy and I'm sure there's like this formula if you're like if I just gotta do this get this like go to do this accomplish that succeed in that make like 1.5 million dollars and then we'll just move forward right like this is gonna be great right hotwife 10 kids let's go right like I know you right so here's the deal I know that you have a plan but I also know that God has written something on your heart that might be a little different right it might look a little different and even though you struggle with confusion but may not control like I know men struggle with control as well right and part of this little formula you think is gonna make you happy probably has something to do with finding the one right you guys don't like to talk about it a lot but like you are looking for the one right like you you're like the one that's gonna like make everything fall into place if I could go to lunch with you if I could go to coffee with you if I could go to be doves any Asian things with you I would and here's the deal I would probably just like move everything to the side I wrote over 60 pages in my book on how to go from Haida I do and I think it's super important but none of it makes any sense without these two paragraphs so I want you to hear this Jesus desires to love you like no human can he has given man and woman to each other to be a sign of his love but that does not replace our love our need for his love in the same way no woman can be your Savior and trying to make someone your Savior can actually ruin that relationship it's not possible no one is capable of being your everything and no one is capable of being your God it's too heavy of a burden that woman will break under the weight and pressure and when they inevitably fall short you will be disappointed it can be easy to seek fulfillment of all of our desires with anything other than God every decision you made in the past whether it turned out well or in the end it was a complete disaster was made because you believed that decision would truly make you happy and fulfill a desire you longed for when you made any such decision it may have seemed like the right thing to do at the time as if it would ultimately fulfill you but whether those decisions led to the pain of an unbearable breakup being rejected overlooked abused used or facing the reality that you have used or hurt someone else deep down those choices were really a search for God though you may not have recognized it at the time we all desire infinite happiness a desire that drives all of our decisions and this desire can only find fulfillment and God himself I read you those two paragraphs because it's true and everything that I say about women and everything I say about the one and everything I say about how you're gonna find the one and pursue a woman in the 21st century will make no sense if this isn't super clear the relationship that feeds your family that feeds your friends your female friends your male friends and if you're called a marriage that relationship the one relationship that feeds all of those is a relationship with our Lord with God the Father and I'm gonna put money on the table but that is a really complicated relationship in your life because it's very easy to project our human father's upon God the Father and it's really hard from what I hear to be loved as a man by a father but I still am gonna stand on this stage and tell you that the most important thing that you can do in your life is become the beloved son of God that he wants you to be and to be convicted in that I told the women this this morning my only goal in life whether it's with my own husband with my children with my friends or with any of you is to clear everything out of the way through the power of the confessional to massage your heart to the Eucharist so that you can sit in the Sacred Heart of Jesus and be in the gaze of the Father so that he can convict you in your identity as a beloved Son of God because you will never find your Worth or that affirmation you're looking for in the face of any other person only will you find that in the gaze of our Father and I know that's hard I know that's hard I I can see that being really hard as a man right it's gotta be hard to accept to receive love as a man I like as a woman I women are receptive right men are initiators like I get it I think that's hard right I need you maybe for the first time in your life to come to the table and say I want to clear everything out of the way that stands in the way of this gaze she's talking about where God the Father looks upon me as his beloved son without projecting what that means in human terms and I know that's asking a lot I put together a couple slides because I want you to like see this because I know it's hard to wrap our heads around but this is the beloved son I want you to see it you are a beloved son so loved that God the Father gave His only begotten Son to suffer and die on a cross to save you from sin and death so love that God the Father raised Christ from the dead so that you might have eternal life with him forever so love that God the Father promised never to abandon you and proved it by sending the holy spirit to always be with you for you are never alone I just wanted to bring those slides because I just want you to feel that and I know that I know that it's like man Sarah I don't know but this slide is one I'm obsessed with this man don't be shocked but this is like one of the most powerful quotes in my life we are not the some of our weaknesses and failures where the some of the Father's love for us I have held guys it ain't no big tough guys who have broken down in in conversation with me about how they just have never felt like they will ever be good enough for their own fathers for their own families and for women I've looked into the eyes of many men who know that they and feel like they are the sum of their weaknesses the devil loves to twist divided and isolate he twists the truth about who we are so that he can divide us out so he can isolate us and pick us off and he is so unbelievably good at it with you guys he gets you it's all a mind game right it's all in the head it's nothing you guys ever really talk about but it's all up here and he twists the truth to get you divided men divided against men women dividing it's women and men and women divided against each other right so we can isolate you and pick you off God the Father wants to come and speak to that and say look your identity is that you were a beloved son of God number one in that relationship is number one one of the most powerful things that ever happened to me in my life was soif and I got engaged one of the greatest gifts that he ever gave me as my fiance and then husband was he sat me down one night and he like looked at me and he said I love you but I need you to know that I'm gonna fail you because I'm not perfect but I will always point you to the one who is perfect and I will always take you to him but I don't want to run at each other I want to run with each other I wanna run side by side together to heaven to him but I need you to know that I can't be your everything and I turned around and set it back to him because I I'm not perfect either I'm not I'm not gonna be able to fulfill everything I mean I'm telling you from 13 years of marriage you're not if you're called to me or not looking for the perfect person you're looking for the perfect person for you to run the person that's gonna be with you and that relationship with God is the one that feeds my marriage feeds me as a woman sees me as a woman of God but feeds our marriage and feeds a whole family so why would I stand on stage and tell you anything other than you are a beloved son of God get in that gays be convicted of it no woman will ever convict you of that she can't she may want to and she may try really really hard but she will always fail you everyone now there have been head up and down say I get it say I feel I get it yes do you guys get it yes I just wanted you to hear that but I also want you to feel like how do you do that you guys if I ended the talk right now and was like go get him tiger go go right you don't be like that was fantastic I have no idea what to do with that chicken you know what did she just say right you know what I mean so we have 22 minutes for me to give you the other half right do you guys know this guy you know my boy I have a slight obsession with st. Joseph there's not enough time for me to go into why he has protected my marriage and my relationship and my family for a really long time st. Joseph is the man I can't say what I really think cuz it's cussing and I can't do that here right but like it's really good like he's the man right I really want to come to you and say like the I mean I can't go on and off he's the terror of demons we'll start there right he protected the Holy Family this I like this slide sorry one more slide st. Joseph is devout and attentive to God's will in his law he protects the Holy Family by leading them to Egypt shielding Jesus from Herod's wrath back in Nazareth he raises Jesus with the decide with a discipline of his character teaching Jesus's craft and guarding the purity of Mary st. Joseph's images God the Father for us in both his strength and tenderness this is good um Mary the Virgin Mary Mother of God gorgeous queen of heaven and earth yet you know her do you think that she was an attractive woman probably the most beautiful creature to ever walk the face of the earth right how would you like to be the man that gets to protect her purity for her whole life st. Joseph was the man not only did he have to protect Jesus but he also had to protect Mary's purity and protect her heart can you imagine being asked to do that I can't imagine if you're struggling in any way with protecting a woman's heart in any way you just go to st. Joseph yes I love this image this is actually that sculpture was given to us on our wedding day and it sits on my husband's nightstand next to our wedding picture and it's really it's really dear to both of us because I love how Saint Joseph did you one of my favorite things was the strength and tenderness of st. Joseph's right how can you be a man like Saint Joseph courage humility prayer responsibility obedience purity he provides he protects those are all like really big words right like really like amazing virtues but what does that look like for you right what does that look like practically I broke them down into virtues like like I talked about striving for virtue right I think Saint Joseph would say yeah let's strive what does that practically look like in the 21st century this is the slide he's a leader provider protector initiator chivalrous brave and courageous gentleman respectful intuitive and patient joyful and fun he stands up for what is right and seeks the truth he has courage is not afraid to confront and help someone he's genuinely excited for another not jealous or vain he speaks with conviction he's responsible prudent humble and honest he's secure he's sensitive to the needs of others his relationship with God comes first in his life he puts others first before himself he strives for excellence in all things and chastity and sobriety and tries his hardest and academics or his career he's not led solely by his emotions and passions he maintains balance and order in his life he lives a life of charity and service he's forgiving trustworthy loyal and pure holy buckets right do me a favor repeat after me striving striving not perfect because perfect doesn't exist striving yes yes I love you guys you're so good this is hard I know this is a tall order one of my favorite stories this guy comes out to me we were like in North Dakota like belt buckle like dude he was a dude and he came up to me and he says um ma'am could I could I get a copy of that list and I was like yeah and he's like thanks ma'am I just didn't know what a couple of them words meant ma'am I was like oh okay I was like do you mean like like chivalrous or chivalry he's like yes ma'am that was one of them I'm like okay good so I was like chivalry and he's like is that like opening doors for women ma'am and I was like yeah but it's not about the door and he's like it's not about the door man I'm like it's not about the door and like well then what's it about man if it's not about the door and I'm like I'm about the door and as we're having this conversation like 15 guys circle around me right and they're all like it's not about the door then what's it about like right you know and so I look at them I'm like okay here we go chivalry 101 in like you know a minute okay I'm like beautiful girl beautiful door any any girl any door you look at this girl and you look at the store and you think to yourself in like 10 seconds she's gonna walk through that door it has nothing to do with the door it has everything to do with anticipating her needs the guy looks at me he goes it's not about the door I'm like nope it's not about the door right what is romance what is any of it it's anticipating someone else's needs what is any of this up here it all comes down to those oh sorry the slides gone can you throw that back up there what is any of this up here okay I'll just I tell you the one up in the corner is oh you guys are so good his relationship with God comes first in his life and he puts others first before himself what is romance anticipating someone's needs what is ridiculously attractive about men when they step outside of themselves and serve you right I always love what my husband is so great like he I like boy that going into church you know and I'll have like some of the kids I'll be like walk in and I look turn around and look at soif and he's got like the diaper bag my purse a child another child he's like dragging everyone into church you know what I mean cuz he's like I can't get everybody like I can't do it like what is Romeo's what is anticipation he's that is like where he turns on my side of the electric bed every night of the electric blanket so that it's warm when I get in that's romance right what is it it's when we were engaged and he said you know what I want to protect your purity and you like when you look at purity you make the decision for chastity ten steps before that and he looked at me and he says I don't think we should make out and I don't think we should lay down together because I think that's what's gonna keep us completely pure until we get married that's what I'm talking about when I say laying down your life for someone that's what I'm talking about when I say what's best for your beloved the love test right for the world is like well if you really love me then you'd prove it show me like know if you really love me then you sacrifice for me that's the answer that's the really hard answer I love you and I want what's best for you and I'm gonna rise a pup like I'm gonna rise above this emotional or this like spontaneous reaction I'm gonna choose the truth are good in the beautiful for you because you're worth it because I love you because I want to anticipate your needs because I want to protect you like that's what chivalry romance or any of this stuff is is it stepping outside of yourself and saying like this is what I want for you like this is all really hard stuff and I know that but this is the slide I want you guys to see sorry the one back one back one there it is honor shoes love the good protect beauty I could go on for days on this next part but I really would love to but is it hard to find good guy friends I see head nodding yes like I talked to so many guys they're like Sara I love you I love your top I don't have any friends and I definitely don't any friends that know or love Jesus this is gonna be a problem right well praise God you're here right I have lines and lines and lines of girls that will come up to me tears you know they're like Sara like I'm gonna die alone with a hundred cats like where are the men at like I am going to die alone I have one cat I don't want another one like where are they gonna come from right and I look them in the eye right and I look at them and I was like seek 20 19 that's where they're coming from right Jim I'm gonna be really honest with you I don't have enough time to go into all of this but I need you to find some men to run with to take that list yes I love it that you grunt during I just love it like this is why I love men's talks slow clap grunting and yelling during my talk like yes thank you yeah I love it I'm gonna be really honest with you right now there is a huge difference between a bro and a brother a bro is someone you party with a brother or someone you invest in and you have to figure out the difference if you are going to have good male friends you are gonna have to do three things and you're gonna hate me after I finish this sentence these three things are to be available to be vulnerable and to be accountable shoot me now right shoot me now Sara available vulnerable and accountable to find men that you can run with towards our Lord you have to find men that you can be those three things with and it is hecka hard and I know that I had a group of men come up to me this is a couple years ago and they came to soif and I and and they were in our living room and there was six of them and they they're like we truly want to share this with you and I was like yeah absolutely and they were like we were at your talk like months ago and we all got together after your talk all six of us and we admitted to each other we were just really vulnerable to each other that we were all struggling with some type of sexual sin whether it was pornography or masturbation or sleep with a girlfriend or sleeping around like we just admitted it to each other and we laid it out there and all six of us decided to start a text chain with those guys those friends and anytime one of us fell we sent out a text to the other five guys and from that moment on we didn't eat for 24 hours we fasted for each other and we prayed for each other and not a single guy in that room could tell me this story without crying because of what it did for their friendships and for their lives and for their virtue that's what I'm talking about when I say available vulnerable and accountable I don't know what that looks like in your life I don't know what wounds and struggles you have I don't know what that looks like but that's what I'm talking about when I say Brotherhood and that's what I'm talking about when I say run together who do you think were the best men in the the groomsmen in there weddings how do you think those women that they married felt about that group of six guys and that one freaking awesome priest that is also part of that group how do you think what do you think those women thought of those men and what they were able to do for each other because they were available and vulnerable and accountable to each other what that is what I'm talking about when you get together I call it the strive tribe what you call it what you want like like whatever you want but your Brotherhood that group of men that come together and say I want to run men are funny like it's like no one wants to say anything but as soon as someone's like yeah like let's run they're like oh yeah I'm in like clothes go right like so like I need to like I want to I want to hear like this is what I mean by the men of 2019 seek are gonna help me and are gonna take those charge because you are the leaders you are the men that came here to go back to change the culture of your campus like you're the man that I've been praying for daily for the last months who is gonna be sitting in here because you're the ones I need you haven't met I need like I need your help desperately I need you for the women but I need you for the men too like I need you for each other and it starts here and you have no idea the power of the invite that you have I need you to be able to run with each other as men right because I just encouraged all the women to run together as women because they hate each other and it's a problem we talked about this morning we're getting through it okay it's like the women are running together I need you guys to run together why because it's a lot easier for a group of women like 10 women to go up to a group of 10 men and be like dude what we doing the night where we going cosmic bowling I hop yes I'm in let's go right like it's a lot easier for women to cook food for 10 of you than it is for them to cook food for one of you and it's like an awkward date right I need you to run together and I promise you and this is part of the 60 pages I promise you and you run as men and you invite those women alongside you and you run towards our Lord your vocation will fall into place I've seen amazing couples come from that I've seen women build up other men who are now priests and I want you to hear me say this I don't know how to talk about this you guys I've prayed through this like so many times and I don't know how to talk about it I'm just gonna try I want you to not fear emotional intimacy I don't know how to talk about this I'm still figuring it out but I don't know what that means to you but like don't fear emotional intimacy I think a lot of people think intimacy means something sexual right well if I'm intimate with someone it's sexual that's not true emotional intimacy is like I'm real with you I'm here with you I'm in the battle with you you can share that with me this is safe here and the the most amazing place that I see it all the time isn't a fraternity of amazing priests I sure hope that you're friends with a bunch of amazing flippin awesome priests because I am and it's the joy of my life like I will tell you soif and I are so blessed to get to hang out with the most amazing priests and watching them be friends together watching them share in that life together of brotherhood with a capital B Brotherhood and fraternity it's one of the most gorgeous things that I've ever seen because they understand that sex doesn't equal happiness and being with a woman doesn't equal happiness and just because you don't have 10 kids and a hot wife doesn't mean they're not gonna be happy they gave their life to something different the same thing sister Miriam talked about last night I will stand on the stage and say don't fear the priesthood don't fear loneliness you can be married and lonely real quick yo you cannot fear that you're running to Christ and that's your number one that is your number one that relationship with God it feeds everything else and if it's not there everything else is empty it doesn't matter what you do but you have to learn to be emotionally intimate with other with other men you have to learn to be real with other guys I love it when I see guys like hug each other so hard they start like beating each other's backs like it's like a warrior cry like I love that right like it's like just like starting like we will rock you on someone's back right or something you don't I mean like I like that like I had the joy in my heart right I know that it's hard when you're going through something hard it's a lot easier to run into the arms of a woman right and be affirmed it's a lot harder to run to a bunch of dudes but you can eat a ton of wings and talk it over right like you have to learn how to do that don't fear vocation don't fear marriage and don't feel priesthood right one of my favorite quotes a maximum Colby he said I don't fear death I fear sin what you can write that down I don't fear death I fear sin that man lived like no one else I named a kid after him that's how I feel about him right don't just be a bro be a brother when you graduate and you're walking across the stage right and you're like look out who do you want to see do you want to see like the three guys you drink with the whole time you're like yeah hashtag memory Joe I got you right or do you want to walk across the street across the stage and see like 10 guys in the front row that are freshmen and sophomores and juniors and seniors we're like ball in their freakin eyes out because you freaking change their life because you're a man of God and you ran you said come with me that's what I want for you I want you to rise up and be those leaders that say I want to run I want to be I want to be the man of God that I supposed to because I want to inspire other men because Sarah swafford needs me that's what I want like that's what I want for you that's the happiness and the joy that I want for you and I can't wait to watch it unfold for you and I hope you Instagram me and tell me what it's going what's going on right like I want that for you and this is what I want your rally cry to be oh go team go it's the next one can you so Toccoa bodies on the last one my clicker doesn't like me anymore will you guys go to the last Co body slide or not that's okay you guys are you guys are killing it don't worry no if I have time I'll go back to it do you guys know this have you heard quo bodies it's like the it's like my new rally cry I'm just gonna be totally honest with you last spring my husband taught abroad in Italy and so we got to live over there for three months and it was so amazing and one of the churches that we got to visit was the Church of coatis and this is the story and this is why I want it to be your rally cry Saint Peter was asked to go to Rome right to build the church and he's there and it's tough and there's persecution a huge crowd I got to the point was like I'm done with you people like I yeah I'm out I'm sorry like you guys are crazy and I'm done and I'm just tired and I'm gonna give up and I'm gonna walk away cuz I'm done and he starts packs up and starts leaving Rome and he's walking out of Rome on the street on the road and he meets the risen Christ on the road in st. Peter looks at Christ and says Quo Vadis which means where are you going and Christ looks at st. Peter and he said I'm going back to Rome to be crucified again and walks past him and Saint Peter had that moment in his life where the question was turned to him Col Gatti's where are you going and he had a decision to make in that moment whether he was gonna take up his cross and go back into Rome and honor the truth and love the good and protect beauty and build up the church and fight and sacrifice and suffer and know that it's not gonna be easy but to build that church and die to himself and then die for our Lord and he made that decision and look what it did my question to you is Quo Vadis it's not what do i do in this situation it's who do i want to be and where am i going that's the question you guys it's not just what do i do here it's who do i want to be because every decision you're making right now is forming you my question to you is are you willing to turn around and go back to Rome and fight with me to honor truth and to love the good and to protect beauty cuz I need you to build up the church cuz that's you know if you notice but the church needs you and it's not gonna be easy and I know that it's not easy to surrender your life it's not easy to sit in the gaze and be loved by the father as a man like I know that's not easy I know that it's not easy to admit weaknesses I know that it's hard to look at women and be like I want to protect you and I want to love you and you're complicated but I'm still gonna love you through this right because you're my sister in Christ crazy but I love you and I'm going to stand with you and fight for you right you guys saw the slide like how do you go from here - I do true friends running together stating your intentions having a DTR if you know me you know this right repeat after me since their knee and clarity sincerity and clarity I need you to be sincere and clear with the women don't play games with their heart I told them not to play games with yours so fair right deal have a DTR state your intentions be clear about it when you're running in groups you will learn more about a woman in a group of a bunch of people than you ever would in a one-on-one situation in a date you can go on like six dates you won't learn as much as you will what she like around other women what she like around other guys following yes then dating and courting engagement marriage dating and courting dating is like hey I'd really like to get to know you better without our other 40 friends around would you like to go have you know coffee or dinner or something versus courting which is hey I think you're the person I'm supposed to marry slight difference did you hear it just a slight difference right did you guys hear it dating yeah like I think there could be something here but like I let me please don't like Pinterest a ring but like you know like I think there could be something here let's like get to know each other better versus courting which is like I think you might be the one versus engagement do engagements get called off should more engagements get called off what's harder in our day and age to coughin engagement or to get divorced to call off an engagement why because you're living together and you're sleeping together and you have a joint bank account and her dress is hanging in the closet and you've invited 500 people and you have a plant and a dog and it's just really hard to break all that up because you know what if you don't get married then something might be wrong with you guys we can't admit that so let's just get married and then get divorced and it'll cost about $30,000 it'll be a great party will fake it we'll get divorced two years later and it'll be it'll be fine that is not what I want for you men sex is the great blinder before marriage it blinds you to every red flag chastity is the is the great friend to love it clears your mind and your heart you have to stay chaste for her before so you can stay chaste for in marriage - amen in times of absence you've already practiced you know what you're doing game on you're strong I want that for you that's what I want for you men if you're called to marriage I want that kind of a marriage for you or you fight for each other and you've been fighting for each other for a really long time and you walk into it with eyes wide open it is a great gift do not fear marriage amen here's where I want to I want to share with you one last story people ask me all the time they're like how do you be friends with women are you okay if I end with this is this probably the number one question I get from men how do you be friends with women is it possible right come Holy Spirit right this is what if you don't remember anything else from this talk I think this will really help you to understand what I want for you as a man and what I want for you is with your sisters in Christ they're all over right now right they're all like roaming around they're hurting they desperately need you they need you to love them as a sister in Christ right so if you're called to date if you're called to run with the you know groups of women that running with groups of men if that all is gonna go down right they are like God created Eve if you look at Genesis she is the helpmate to the man right she is the helpmate to the man so when if you if you are called to date someone let's say as well this is the image I want you to have right look you're looking at an altar and you see a bride standing on the altar she's a girl that you're dating right now the girl that you are dating right now or may date in the future she's standing at the altar in this beautiful white dress right and you're at this wedding and you see her and then next to her you see the guy she's marrying who is your best guy friend your watching the girl you're dating now or May date in the future marry your best guy friend 1 can you go to the wedding - can you go up to that couple and can that that guy your best friend can he like pull you into a hug like again like the like the the dude pound the back hug can you like pull you into that hug and pull back and look you in the eye and say thank you so much for the time that you spent with my wife you made her a better woman you helped her grow in virtue you pointed her to the Lord you took nothing away from me you protected her and I can't thank you enough for the time that you spent with her when I wasn't there that's how we changed dating does it matter that the girl you're dating whether or not she marries your best friend know she's gonna marry someone's best friend every woman you meet is someone's daughter sister a friend and it is your great responsibility to take care of her the way they would hey men that's what it means to love a sister in Christ they're hurting they're broken they're healing they're gonna take a lot to Jesus tonight in adoration cuz it's sister Miriam like we're all gonna take a lot tonight I hope you take so much into the confessional tonight you take it to our Lord in the gays this is day one this is Quo Vadis day one this is where you guys leave this talk and you look at them and around you and you say let's run covetous where are we going let's go like you guys I need you I can't I can't tell you how much I've prayed about this talk because I think the Lord wants something different for you but I need your leadership I was talking with swath one night and I was like women aren't damsels in distress they're not they don't need to be rescued I was like they don't need the knight in shining armor to come and like save them from anything I was like we need guys that are to come in and slay the dragon and you know what the dragon is you it's the undisciplined irresponsible unvirtuous version of yourself that's the dragon I want you to slay that's the one I want you to take out is the one that says things are too harder it's just not gonna I'm not enough or I don't want to put the time in for this there I don't know how to deal with this like this talk I want you to take it slay the dragon in run and look at each other and say Quo Vadis like where are we going I don't know where we're going we're going together that's what I want for you men and I've asked my one of my best friends in the whole world is an amazing priest he's like a brother to me his name is father John Byrne's and I asked him to come I know I love him too I asked him to come up and I asked him to pray if it's okay with you guys I asked him to pray over me to pray over you as men I want him to pray over you because here's the deal like I talked in the beginning of this talk there's stuff that you have to heal from and deal with the women that have hurt you the father wounds that you carry the the friend wounds that you carry I need you to go there and to heal I need you to take that to the Lord amen take that to the gays and it's not gonna be easy it's part of turning around and going back to Rome and I know that but that's what I want for you and as a woman as your sister in Christ I want you to know that like when when God made Eve and said I want her to be the helpmate she took Eve from the rib of Adam why didn't God take her from the foot or the hand or the you know we're all like why did he pick the rib part of this whole honoring truth and loving the good and protecting beauty has to do with this and that's the fact that God from all time wanted the woman from the rib because that's where he always wants woman close to the man's side under his arm and close to his heart right like that's what he wants I love your father John I need you to put women right here next to you I need the women in your life to be the sisters in Christ that run with you I need the women in your life like whether you're called marriage or not to be the women that run beside you that you protect and look out for because they need you I want this prayer right now to be one of healing for whatever stands in the way from that gaze for you and I know that this whole idea of like being vulnerable and being weak and I know that's really really hard but we're gonna do step one right now and I'm gonna have father pray healing down for you guys and if you're cool with it if you could maybe hold out one hand as a sign of openness and maybe put a hand on the shoulder of the guy next to you I think the Holy Spirit really wants to like prey down healing from like one to another like in friendship as men so this whole like emotional intimacy thing that you're gonna like shoot me for let's just start now right can you guys have your hand open like you can have it open and like receptivity I want you to pray for yourself and I want you to pray for the guy next to you and I'm just as your sister in Christ somebody interceding for you but I'm gonna have father pray over you as a man as a priest as a father as a brother as a friend I just want you to be open to that gaze and be open to whatever it is that Christ wants for you right now loving God we place ourselves in your presence before your gaze we acknowledge that your gaze is upon us you are Heavenly Father a perfect father we ask you for your Holy Spirit we ask you to inspire us in this prayer and to touch our lives by the gift of your presence your grace brothers consider for just a moment the father's gaze that the father looks down upon all of creation he sees the whole earth in one moment and then in the very same moment he sees just you right now but the father's gaze is upon you in this moment he sees what is unfolded in this talk and throughout this conference weekend he sees what he has been doing to break down walls to rebuild you to restore you so for just a moment here gentlemen if you would please acknowledge in your heart before the gaze of the father your great desire for excellent it's the desire to be good and holy and well and acknowledge that you are not there yet with the father's gaze upon you just acknowledge gentlemen that sometimes it's hard to know what we're supposed to do and how we're supposed to do it and how difficult it can be because we don't want to ask for help we're afraid to show that we don't know and so we start to look around gentlemen acknowledged that at times you wonder if you are good if people do care if you are irreplaceable or if people could just throw you away and in those uncertainties well you're not sure if you're worthy acknowledge that at times you have looked to others to find your worth acknowledged in a particular way gentlemen that you have looked to women that you have used them and let yourself be used by them hoping to find out whether or not you are good worthy enough naming that fact now turn your gaze to the Father he whose gaze is upon you in this moment take a deep breath and admit that you need help admit that you're not sure what he's asking of you what it looks like how it's supposed to be admit that sometimes in your confusion you try to stay busy maybe you drink maybe it's porn maybe it's just running and running and running because you're afraid of what you'll find beneath the surface and you're afraid of what you might hear and know that the Lord has brought you here this weekend and in this moment to quiet that down and the Lord says to you right now gentlemen I am here as your father and I delight in you you are good you are worthy I have made you well and I am pleased with you but I have much work to do hear the father say to you my son I will not work unless you allow me to and my grace will not take full effect until you say yes gentlemen with the father's gaze upon you acknowledge that this is a time of great significance that he has you here to continue his mighty work of making you excellent and the time has come to lower your guard to accept His grace and to say yes father I need you father I love you say that in your heart gentlemen now father I need you father I love you father I need you father I love you father we need you father we love you and gentlemen here in this blessing the voice of the father in response to that prayer I come to you I am pleased with you you are good and I long to make you excellent you are my beloved son and in you I am well pleased the intercession of Saint Joseph to the prayers and the love of the Blessed Virgin Mary saint john paul ii st. Maximilian Kolbe all the angels and saints may Almighty God heal you anoint you build you up and bless you the father and the Son and the Holy Spirit amen

Channel: FOCUS Catholic

Views: 23,065

Rating: 4.9209485 out of 5

Keywords: Catholic, Catholicism, FOCUS Catholic, SEEK talks, FOCUS talks, Catholic Talks, Faith, Christianity, Christ, Jesus, Young Adult Catholic Talks, Young Adult Faith, Catholic Campus Ministry, CRU, Navigators, Sarah Swafford, Emotional Virtue

Id: 2RSa8PvuhUc

Length: 60min 30sec (3630 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 17 2019