RWYS - Brandon Novak on Addiction and Recovery

welcome to reap what you sow today I have my very favorite guest mr. Brandon Novak welcome you're just saying that because I'm here in your face I am and then when you leave I'm gonna insult you but you're gonna look at that have eaten piece of bread in your bag and be like that [ __ ] [ __ ] comes here and [ __ ] my whole shop up and literally dude he needs a slice of bread he eats a loaf of bread this way and then you offer me a drink and I'm like no but if you give me a glass I will have a sip of your sprite I'll take some of yours my dude is well then here we have plenty no no no no no a sip of yours take my things at school I get it I like to make an impression it worked I'm gonna feed that to the bread or feed the bread to the birds and I'll think of you as I'm adjusting throw it out to the street which ironically enough I don't think bread is really good for for certain birds so essentially you just hurting as opposed to helping I'm fascinated I know a lot of [ __ ] weird things you know another fun fact that I'd love to really fascinating what do you got Adolf Hitler his favorite drug was morphine the correct medical terminology for morphine is a doll 15 another weird fact yeah drugs get my interest I mean I know that well so that so rewind for a second is that you were a former pro skateboarder you were a part of Jackass community you've been on several TV shows and now where you're at not also an author mm-hmm and then now where you're at is public speaking sobriety the right things good things and you're moving forward so now what does that journey look like for you it's wow it's really Wow because drugs and alcohol were my answer to everything for a grand total of 24 years my answer to everything then became my problem to everything so my answer which then turned into my problem ironically enough has now become my answer to everything again so much so that even in a financial standpoint that now finally write my books are all about my life which is about drugs and alcohol the first ever addiction graphic novel I have a documentary going out to the sundance and con film festival about my life as a drug addict professional skateboarder all that now I work in the drug and alcohol treatment field I never went to college now colleges pay me to come speak at them about my life and overcoming my adversities drugs and alcohol ironically enough drugs and alcohol just bought me at home you know what I mean so it's literally come full circle and what that means is when I say that I'm an alcoholic that it's really I'm gonna summarize this in a really short little package when I say I'm Brandon I'm an alcoholic all that means is that I'm defiant by nature I hate Authority and I will not conform unless it becomes my idea therefore you tell me what I need to do I tell you why you need to [ __ ] off because I know right now because I have that that job that consists of knowing everything any other addict alcoholic that's struggling to find some kind of help but but you tell them what they need to do they tell you need to [ __ ] off what I do is I present my package I try to sell them this this new way of life in a form of Attraction rather than promotion because now right drugs alcohol my problem they become my answer no they're my answer then they become my problem and now they're my answer again now the very same thing that killed me is providing me life and not only me but hundreds of thousands of people because they call me and they say Novak if you can get clean there's no reason why I can't can you help me so my defects have become my biggest assets it's amazing isn't it it's a miracle it defies logic and it's miraculous is a [ __ ] miracle because statistics state theoretical evidence dictates that I am to be high or dead right now yeah I'm legit but especially for someone like you your addiction has been taped recorded publicized yeah you didn't have like you didn't have what most people have which is privacy where they have a bunch of problems and then you can kind of there it's kind of secret yeah you have to be forced to tell people the secrets you kind of people knew and it was people just knew and it was TV technology everywhere and then for you now to look back at that what do you see what's crazy right because addiction is really in it's a strange yet interesting facet to me it's it's if I'm diagnosed as an addict or an alcoholic this is not debatable no need to [ __ ] talk to me after we're done this podcast this is not debatable if you're diagnosed as an addict or an alcoholic what that means is that disease left untreated equals death you die it's a fatal disease right but as far as I'm aware of it's the only fatal disease from which I possess that tells me I don't have a disease on a daily basis follow me here you diagnosed me with HIV I'm rushing to a hospital to get medication I don't want to die fatal disease diagnosed me with cancer I'm rushing to the hospital you chemo I don't want to die fatal disease diagnosed me as an addict or an alcoholic I need a glass of wine or a bag of heroin to figure out what the [ __ ] wrong with you for diagnosed me with said disease just as fatal is the first two diseases but left to my own devices I'll believe that that voice that talks to me in my own voice that makes me believe that unbelievable so I say all that to say is is is that it's a really a dr. Jekyll mr. Hyde scenario so much so for me that the the more outrageous the more outlandish my antics were the more in demand I became the higher my ratings came the more I made financially so like I would go to meetings I would go to those treatment centers and they would say your life is unmanageable and I would agree that my life was unmanageable but I really believe that social acceptability equal personal recovery so therefore I would do an appearance in a nightclub and and they would say Winston Novak what would you like when you're green in your green room when your rider and I'd say some heroin some cocaine some xanax and some wine they would get me those substances I would take pictures I would sign autographs at the end of the night I would get a check for $10,000 now you tell me my lifestyle manager I believe that my life is not my bank accounts he's pretty [ __ ] manageable it is now my job to actually get high so you know what I mean so I was really [ __ ] that's trough and and it's it's crazy because you don't really know which way is up or down no that's so delusional and the abnormal had become the normal I was living in that animalistic level you know I just didn't know and I didn't understand from I guess what is what is now your problems in comparison what they were now I have like these Cadillac privileged problems pretty sweet huh yeah like I [ __ ] threw my arm out somehow and and I'm really pissed at myself because now I have to call my personal trainer and cancel my appointment Friday with him I'm furious come on I mean it's pretty crazy isn't it but the right thing is is anything in my life is a situation and as a matter of fact it's a very D level there's only one problem and that's if I pick up a drink or a drug because if that happens I can't tell you who where I'll be who I'll be with and what I will be doing and I promise you nothing is off the table and when you came from where I came from where we're at the end of my run right I was a 35 year old homeless heroin addict in 12 inpatient treatment centers lost count of outpatients and detoxes my mother had bought me a plot people are taking life insurance policies out on me I ended up on life support for seven days medevacked four different hospitals four different states for different overdoses my mother had sold three homes to financially pay to put me in two different treatment centers have resorts and and and went through all her resources to help her son she resorted to going to God with one prayer and that prayer consisted of God please cure him please kill him or please kill me because I can't take it anymore my very best thinking that I could do to come up with another $40 to get another bag of heroin at that time and stand on the corner of Eastern Avenue and Patterson Park and sell my ass for $40 to anybody you know so when you come from that walk of life to now like life it's not heavy it's not that it not any more no you know I I did I did some due diligence on you know I was researching me I was listening to some stories and one of the things that I heard was that you and bam met each other through skateboard competitions mm-hmm and then at one point you didn't show up for one of the meets mm-hmm and then he left his phone number for you and was like if you ever want some help come up here yeah so you do that so you not only have your mom and your family trying to help you but then you have you have a guy who also called you and I got asked to help you and what was your experience like trying to get sober when you're living now in Pennsylvania away from family and with the commotion and the craziness of all your friends what was that like for you well the only motivating factor behind any form of change in my life comes as a direct result of pain right I don't change my [ __ ] is unmanageable I changed when [ __ ] is unbearable and the size of that window of opportunity is about equal to $10 because you give me $10 that equates to a bag of heroin all of a sudden I feel like I overreacted or you caught me at a bad time on a bad way in a bad day it'll be different tomorrow and I would always say that tomorrow's gonna be different I'm not gonna do tomorrow what I did today and I believe it in my heart of hearts like a passuk polygraph only to make up tomorrow to repeat yesterday's action be stuck in groundhogs day for the next [ __ ] X amount of years so what happened in Pennsylvania was was the pain became great enough that III became willing to do whatever it took to change and in when I became willing to do it take the change I I went from possessing that job that consisted of knowing everything to finding myself in the basement of that 13th inpatient treatment center as this 19 year old tech thumbs through these donation boxes looking for a pair of second third fifth tenth an used underwear I'm praying to God that he finds he used underwear because I had no it's a long story but I didn't have any underwear on and they made me have underwear and uh and and and and and they didn't have underwear but what they had was a pair of size forty women sweat pants with no drawstring a woman's tank top and a pair of size 13 Jesus sandals something very imperative happened in the basement of that Catholic Charities read I was this 19 year old kid thumb still these donation boxes looking for used underwear for me I met the God of my understanding as a direct result of a gift of desperation the pain became great after that I became willing to do what the [ __ ] ever you told me to do and and and and I came to this realization in that basement that that that I can I possess that job for for 20 years the consisted of knowing everything to to coming to the understanding that what I do know is that I don't [ __ ] know and my very best thinking gets me in positions in situations like this time after time I know that I don't know but clearly you know because you continue to stay sober I can't you can can you help me willingness appeared as a direct result of pain and then once you know because I found myself at the end of my run is the kind of alcoholic I went to kill himself on a daily basis but I didn't want to hurt myself in the process I was [ __ ] horrible at suicide because I kept waking up and I was at a position in life where I was so low the Kerbal like a skyscraper now being a thirteen in patients treatment centers and lost count about patients and detoxes and you name the deal I tried it I I always felt like I was internally unique right like yes I see it works for you Seth I see it works for all you people but it can't work yeah like you didn't see what I seen you have an experience of experience you felt what I felt right you didn't watch your father cut your mother store at the age of seven at the age of eight your father didn't take you to this when he was in the back conducting business they didn't see it the barstool and poor shots of ginger and coca-cola as you would do the shots they would applaud your father give a little proof you didn't get paid to get high like I got paid to get high you weren't in these movies that broke by oh you know that's all this [ __ ] my disease would tell me but what happened was after so many attempts and I would see that it worked for you and it worked for her and him but it's not working for me again in that basement that Catholic Charities rehab is they look for my used underwear I came to realization that the common denominator and my problems are me you know the drugs and alcohol they're the solution take the solution away I'm left with the real problem me I'm like a stranger in my own skin trying to figure out who the [ __ ] let me in and I don't have my solution for the first time which is a bag of heroin whoa maybe when you're that low there's only one place to go from there you're just you're left with yourself yeah yeah and that's where now now you've got so much going on though yeah it's amazing to see just I mean how long is it now I'm coming up with four years sober I mean by the grace of God that's it not that long to see your life change yeah you were and not to say that the war like you put in a lot of work there was a lot of work that goes into that but that's really not that long to see the the rapid progression of your life I think that writing a book and now putting out the first putting out the first ever addiction graphic novel that I mean dude yeah that's cool ground breaking man I'm really proud yeah you know you're down you're getting to go around and speak to people going to college is going on these places in I think the question I'm looking for is what's the future look like for you there's a few projects that are in the works and unfortunately I can't divulge them but they're big they're big man and they're like not only is it like rad but it's like definitely security and also like it will leave behind the legacy you know what I mean like I give Mike if I ever get married kids like it will you know what I mean and and I can't get into and I wish that I could but we're just not under stage yet but but it's insane knowing that that almost four years ago May 25th 2015 I walked into my god willing 13th inpatient treatment center and despite being the first skateboarder endorsed by Gatorade hanging out on michael jordan tour in the world with tony hawk despite being in these movies that break box office records despite being in new york time selling author all that I walked into that 13th inpatient treatment center with was was the clothes on my back eight scarfs two jackets three socks one stick of deodorant it fit into that bag that doubled as a pillow a needle a spoon a restraining order that my mother just had served against me and four cigarette butts that I picked up off the ground that's all I had you know that is all I had and now you just bought a house yeah yeah sit on that it's it's you know I was looking at some of his Facebook thing and you know how that all of a sudden that comes out it's like what their five-year plan is hmm and in an ex of mine she had this five-year plan and in the next five years it said that she was gonna obtain all these things and without trying to sound the egotistical I had achieved four out of five of those things in the last year alone the only one I didn't achieve was having a kid and then I cuz it took that for me to slow down and be like wow you know cuz I'll just go go go go go and it's easy for me to get lost in the accessories of life you know what I mean the money the property the prestige but ultimately all that does is divert me from the primary purpose and it and it allows me to forget that sometimes staying sober is more than enough you know cuz I'll keep up with the Joneses and and and what's scary now is now alright right I'm coming before you're sober I'm a productive member of society a productive taxpaying member of society now I know some [ __ ] now I have credit cards financially I'm good I have owned a home people rely and depend upon me but sometimes it's what my disease will tell me is like you're good hey you know yes you would never do heroin and cocaine but but you're 39 years old you're in bed by 10 p.m. you could have a glass of wine yeah it's it's yeah it's more dangerous for me now than it was 30 60 90 days no now you actually have things to lose yeah but then because I have things to lose that means I've acquired some things which my disease will tell me that I'm the [ __ ] man meaning that yeah that Brandon is Brandon's God and I did this you know and the reality is I I'm not clever enough to put this plan together right no way I told you what it would allow me to get all this was coming to the realization of that basement Catholic Charities rehab saying that I know that I don't know huh because I don't know the the the lack of plan has produced the best of planned cuz you're not in the way exactly he's making me out of the equation finally thank God yeah thank God and I guess you kind of jog my jog my mind on something too is that you know with with your new house you're in Philly yeah why Philly well because right like Baltimore my mother lives there yes Little Italy yeah but prior to that she lived in Canton I lived there with her and she put me out of that home rightfully so it like 22 ish mm-hmm and I just bounced around and homeless a lot and you name it I did it and I was that's how I survived that Baltimore has not been my home in a long time I started getting high at the end of 16 17 full time so any like good memories I have or oh so long ago it's not doesn't really give you the same no no I when I fly home into Philly and I go over the bridge from the airport I get that feeling of I'm home yeah and I don't get that in Baltimore I'm not did it has anything to do with Baltimore no it's your experience exactly and the more that I go back up I've recreated new memories and they're great but I've it's not home yeah you know I have my cats I have my knife yeah Philly just my own you got your things there yeah what made you pick that was there any reason well because I was living in Westchester Pennsylvania with Bam and and all those guys yeah for so many years and then you know I had this you know reputation of being Novak the party guy Novak the guy that's always down for whatever whenever so when you'd see people there yeah so I went through treatment and I knew it was different this time right I knew it was different and I knew that I was in a different place and I had did the work internally to make myself be okay mentally no matter where I went but I also accepted how high the stakes were this time and if I went back to Westchester and and one day I don't have a meeting or a plan set up and I'm just walking around town and one of those dudes like Novak [ __ ] it come on I'll buy you a drink I wasn't let's be real how many meetings are in Westchester in comparison to maybe Phil years yeah and you're you're to California man I mean it's like you can find a meeting yeah crazy I've never seen anything like that but your probability is probably better in a bigger city like Philly than it is maybe in Pennsylvania yeah I just wanted a news or I just I just wanted a new start I want a new slate you know and it was a it was a way to move on well it seems like it's convenient to for a your friends that are still there and then Baltimore isn't that far away either and New York is close it's very convenient actly it's in the middle of all you know and and Philadelphia is a bigger version than Baltimore and New York's a bigger version than Philadelphia it is so and it's right in the middle of all I'm a train ride I'm an hour and 20 minutes away from either or well so here's we skipped over a bit but he said you know the four out of five goals the fifth one was to have a kid yeah would you ever be a dad would you ever yeah no absolutely I'm not opposed to it I would welcome it if if I found like the right person yeah yeah and you know that's a whole other thing right because I I'm single and I live like a single man and and I'll meet these women I'm like this is it this is the one in theory and on paper it's perfect and then into the deal the euphoria of it wears off and I my god it's not what I'm and I've come to the understanding just like with everything else in life there is no that they're apart all right I am the problem I am the common denominator or any problem my thing that I'm guilty of as I expect people to know what I know think what I think and feel what I feel without me voicing any of that to them so the moment they don't I am all that is is expectations you want a mind-reader yes okay yeah and you gotta be [ __ ] spot-on because my expectations are high and expectations are nothing but I'm fulfill resentments so don't [ __ ] let me down but I put expectation on you now I'm just waiting for you to let me down so that I told you that causes a bunch yeah yeah we're the honeymoon phase wears off yeah it's not cute anymore but you know it's funny ironically enough throughout my whole life I always had a woman always always always and now I'm the best I've ever been mentally physically spiritually financially and know that I don't have a woman no woman no cry I think I've learned not to settle I used to settle before because I didn't believe I was worth much more to be honest with you mmm I was grateful that anybody gave me the [ __ ] time of day right because I knew deep down inside what was coming and now like I've did a lot of work on myself and and and through doing these esteem abow acts I've gained a new sense of self-esteem to where I can hold my head up high and look at you with conviction and believe what I say to you and it's not because I'm trying to [ __ ] get something out of you or there's an ulterior motive behind me being here right which was how my life was for a lot of years you were the king of manipulation yeah which now you don't have to be yeah which is awesome it's very freeing in that that's the thing I was gonna say is that I think that with you you're not only are you you're through your story and you sharing your history and stuff but you're truly very open and that's very freeing I think people hold in lies they hold and resentment dude it's not it's like an anvil on training yeah you know I'm very upfront I'm very descriptive and I'm very graphic with who I am where I come from and God willing where I'm heading because what I've come to understand and know for certain is that the moment I forget where I come from I will return therefore I keep my past married to my present they're both of equal value and of importance because I thoroughly agree with that I mean I think that if you don't remember how it started all of a sudden things get good yeah and then like they say it gets worse literally so I I want to know when you before you got sober it's from what you've told me it sounds like your values didn't you didn't really have many left now what are your values now I wasn't there I wasn't afforded the opportunity to have values right because I possessed this disease called alcoholism and for me the kind of disease that I possess that when that thing calls I answer by any and all [ __ ] means necessary right and anything between me and that next bag bottle or pill must and will go and it's not personal it's just business for the game that I play called alcoholism right so I don't want to [ __ ] hurt you I don't want to steal from you I don't want to live from you but I don't have the opportunity to not because my disease is calling and I [ __ ] answer and the reason I'm in this position is cuz I possess that job that consists of knowing everything you know because I don't want to do it but I don't how to not do it because I will not become subservient to the fact that maybe you know and I don't you know because what's what's ironic is like out there to drink or drug right out there to fight is to live to fight is to survive to fight is to get another bag to fight is to get another bottle to fight is to make it through another day but then I come into the program my god of my understanding sees fit to to separate me from my drug of choice May 25th 2015 and what I learned is that it's the exact opposite it's such an oxymoron because now in the program what I've learned is to fight is to die to resist is to relapsed you know everything that I lived by out there is the exact opposite in here you know and that's what's it's rather challenging if you make it if I make it or ironic or you know because what I learned is if you change your perception you can change your world so it could be challenging it could be reassuring depending on how much pain I have experienced to become willing I'm like because for me at the end when I walked in I was so grateful for for finally you to tell me what to do because my decision-making ability have become [ __ ] I had recognized that I had accepted that my again my very best thinking gets me here so that I was never so grateful for you to say alright get a shower be in bed by 8:00 lights out by 9:00 wake up at 7:00 bed made by 8:00 be and shower by 9:00 thank God no thinking and no no if I was beaten so bad if you would have told me getting naked stand on your head in the corner and jerk off for five months straight I'd be like [ __ ] yeah let's do it I would've did anything you know cuz the pain was that bad yeah and thank God this last time when I went to treatment I had been to the same specific facility four times prior and this is how it looked every time I'd sit in the same chair with the same intake coordinator and she'd say okay mr. Novak your insurance covers 90 days and I would say in theory 90 days sounds great but in reality I'm more of like a 45 day kind of fella this woman to do this job to fulfill this state to go to and she'd laugh at me and every time and say sweetheart you have no idea anything and everything he put in for any recovery does not it will not matter because you will lose it fast forward cut to May 25th 2015 walking to that same facility for the fifth time I finally have been demoralized in just such a fashion from drugs and alcohol I've been beaten into a state of reason was that I sit in the same chair with the same intake coordinator and she said ok mr. Novak your insurance covers 90 days when she gives me that out for that day I can't even come back with a counteroffer because if I say no that entails an explanation I have literally thank God I have literally been beaten speechless by my disease of addiction I couldn't even talk that's how [ __ ] tired I was she said sweetheart your known condition to do your didn't take get up to detox now see in four days I couldn't even come up with a plan if I want it I was so mentally and physically drained I was drained so what are your values now ah my values now are to know that the to continue to remind myself that the world owes me nothing I owe it everything right you don't owe me anything I it's part of my living amends as much damage and harm that I've done to it to anyone in my passing in my way thousands of people I'll never make amends to that I got any room I go into I make sure I leave it a little better of a condition than it was when I walked in even if it's down to me throwing a little napkin away just something to make the world a little bit better than prior to me walking into it my mother is everything to me my sobriety is everything that's first and foremost without that everything else goes relation you know saying what I mean and meaning what I say my cat's you know like things groceries I'm weird but like god I was so disconnected from reality for so long you appreciate this yeah I love going to the grocery store you haven't you the thing I think your what you're saying is integrity yeah you have integrity through doing these esteem abou acts I've now gained that sense of self-esteem and now you feel good yeah which means takes us back to me not settling hence me maybe either reason behind me being signal or me justifying why I'm single is because like I just know if I don't feel you deserve my time you know deserve my time and maybe you're supposed to Mia won't see I don't know I don't either I've also learned when I want to make my god laugh I tell him out my days ago I think another another thing that I find interesting is like I saw I saw you and bam together recently mm-hm and he's going back he's going into another place right is that yeah he's not doing good right not doing good then not doing good now which brings it so full circle yeah and that's I think right my defects have become my assets because that [ __ ] does as stubborn as all get-out but all of a sudden through my attraction rather than promotion cuz member file you tell him I needed to do I tell you I need to [ __ ] off he's defined by nature he hates Authority when I conform all of a sudden he sees this guy Novak who is never worse than any in the worst case he's ever seen and witnessed justified his behaviors because he was never as bad as Novak now this uh Novak was like born again if you will and he's like dude if he can do it there's no reason why I can't oh so it's crazy because not only he reached out to you to get you help you guys become great friends tries to help you for years and years countless time I mean like it was like from what I've heard his family him they just not only did he try to happen not only did he house you and try to help you get sober but then he got you paid yeah yeah you know and it was like he gave me opportunity he was really trying and didn't really know how was the reason behind me writing my first book he said the terms the contract have changed now I was living in his house I was on Viva La Bam he said you're gonna write a book I hadn't graduated high school I had no GED but you see you're gonna write a book you have to have a pen and paper in your hand at all times the first time I don't see you with a pen and paper in your hand you're back to Baltimore I don't care if you're writing or not you have to have a notebook and a pen in your hand at all times and if you do that then you can be on the show you can drive a car you can have a credit card you can get a paycheck he was the whole motivating factor I had no intentions or interest in writing a book about a year later I wrote the whole thing pen and paper my first book and I went so I said I think I'm finished he in turn gave it to my co-author and my co-author turned 12 chapters into 23 chapters got me his manager got me a literary agent my literary agent shopped the book in history and now you know he didn't have he gave you all the opportunities but didn't have the knowledge on how to help you yes now you have the knowledge on how to help him mm-hmm and you you've now it's all coming full circle where now you're able to actually try to help someone who is a close friend of yours how does that feel man to finally be able to at least be a part of trying to help it's a double-edged sword because one would say or at least think like that's got to be the most gratifying feeling awful cuz it's your friend it's awful a because it's my friend and it's awful B because it's not working the craziest part is that he almost directly followed in your exact footsteps where I'll move the Helsinki I'll move to Spain mm-hmm oh all of a sudden it's still not working so yeah so moving just I mean doesn't work and now all the same things are kind of happening and now it's crazy because I think now he's getting to see you know you people have heard your story people know and now he's getting a look at and go [ __ ] man it's it's kind of like yours it's not anything it's not kind of late but it is mine it is mine now for all the gaming those Ultimatum element gave him an ultimate you know I mean he is unfortunately who I was and it's [ __ ] sucks cuz there's nothing you know it's like because now you know better yeah and I'm and everybody gets a turn all right like how for years he wanted to grab me want to shake me and say don't you see now mister coming up on four years sober mister working in the drug and alcohol treatment field mister helping people on a countless countless countless countless times I have to witness that you know and then now the shoe is on the other foot you feel how your mom felt absolutely absolutely and now his mother who used to this you know I was the worst thing for anybody now calls me crying saying what do we do what can we do you know and and and it's a tough thing it is a very tough thing but it's just like oh my mother went to church across the street and Little Italy and father Mike saw her sitting in the pew crying uncontrollably father Mike said Miss Pat what's wrong miss Pat my mother said father Mike gets Brant and he's never been worse father Mike said I'm sorry to hear that Miss Pass she said it's okay I've went the guy with one prayer prayer consists of God please cure him please kill him please kill me father Mike looked at my mother for the first time in his life and he screamed at her he said how dare you go to God with a plan like that about your son God has a plan for your son you don't know what it is I don't know what it is and Brandon doesn't know what it is and I always say thank God I didn't know what it was because I would have [ __ ] it up right so I have to ultimately remember and try to reinforce him in his loved ones the God has a plan for him right and the reality is is there's no human power that could have ever got me sober or keep me sober I had no dog in this fight until I had that spiritual experience you know and and if you're not in the program you don't get it you'll never be able to grasp that concept it's very different yeah and I think even with with seeing your close friend and in the pain and the turmoil of that is it's it's still different when like you're when you're not when you don't have an addiction or an alcohol brain you don't understand like just stop yeah you know it's yeah there isn't you don't understand but when you have it and you see your friend going through it you're like oh my god like it is it rips up your heartstrings because you you literally see someone making your exact mistakes and that's challenging and I think everyone is rooting for him absolutely and that's the best part is that at least he does have people who are like please but that's his decision and that's I mean it's awesome that you're able to be an educator yeah and you know the good thing or the flip side of that coin that gives me some reassurance some acceptance of the situation if you will is that like it makes sense to me why he's where he's at I've sat where he's sitting i've thought how he's thinking and i felt how he feels so I get it now does that take away the pain of it no but I get it I know that that brain and why it has us think or feel the way we do you understand instead of trying to be understood yeah yeah yeah absolutely absolutely empathy sympathy and compassion three things that I think lack in today's time don't talk at me or to me but talk with me you know it's really it's pretty simple why why are you um why are you still sober what are the things that what are the things that really did it for you in early sobriety they told me in the beginning of my sobriety they said do yourself a favor stick to the basics so God willing you never have to go back to the basics and that made sense to me because so many times for so many years there's so many attempts to get sober stay sober I would out think myself out of every treatment center right all right and I would come in and I would I would save my face right because at that time everything was exterior right so so god forbid you looked at me funny you thought I was a failure you thought I was a loser you thought I was defeated you know I would save my face and then ultimately what happened is by saving my face I continued to lose my ass literally and then what happened was the pain became great enough that I finally became willing to come in and and save my ass and in saving my ass somewhere along the lines my ass and my face correlated right so um so I learned to be clear cut direct and honest not to get lost in the accessories of life the money the property the prestige which will from my own admittance divert me from my primary purpose which is staying sober by any and all means [ __ ] necessary hence my past stays married to my present right and I think actually we only got a couple more minutes left and there is some things I do want to talk to you about also is that with your when it comes to your your overall appearance fashion your look everything externally of yourself has changed yeah what is stuff you like to wear now you weren't crocodile boots today man I am what do I mean what where is your fashion sense at now what do you like to wear I I figure it out as I go you know what I mean like it depends on my mind set because what I've learned again is that my mentality will create the reality for which I live in so you catch me in some days and I'm just like real easy happy-go-lucky don't really care much about a lot put whatever on you catch me someday just like my music taste you know some days it's like reggae some days it's like Punk some days it's like Otis Redding it just varies um but I like to leave a statement I like to make a statement eat half my bread sideways thank you yeah don't want a whole soda only a little bit of yours in a glass won't share the can you know so but I have noticed with you the two things that seem pretty consistent not today but you you've been wearing a hat when you had the long hair yeah the hat was the thing and you do always seem to be wearing boots yes then accessories [ __ ] I love accessories right you need 42 more rings I know and then I'll call you Johnny Depp he's the man I care about the things that I did not care about before right like I go to the doctor I get physicals I get my teeth whitened I've had a lot of teeth put in old teeth taken out I got a hydro facial last week in Florida I wear underwear that's a new thing I never wore underwear prior to sobriety and oh yeah underwear man I'm proud of you when when you first got sober what was what was the challenges you faced this time I feel like the first year is always kind of difficult to adjust for me it really wasn't know it because the pain was so great that I was willing to do whatever it took I've did a lot of interviews and they say were you depressed were you depressed in rehab in the beginning and I'm like no it was like I hit the Mega Millions right I was depressed when I was laying in the assessment room of the gaudenzi outpatient treatment center in Westchester Pennsylvania while I was just finished the assessment with the guy who was trying to find me a bed I was laying in a fetal position in the corner of the wall with my face into the wall because I didn't want the people that were doing outpatient looking at me from behind at that point in time my next best thought was if he couldn't get me a bed I was gonna walk outside and fall asleep behind the bush I was out of plans I couldn't even walk anymore that's when I was depressed but I said to myself in between me pulling cigarette butts out of the receptacle I said if I get a bed this is gonna be in there is no looking back and it has been and then I didn't voice that to anybody because I knew my words held no weight right I was tired of hearing my own [ __ ] voice so I just might what I did because you know I shut the [ __ ] up it's Saturday first time in my life just and and and I let my my walking do my talking because my words held no weight anymore and I recognized and accepted that final thing is what advice do you give what advice do you have to give anyone doesn't matter recover sober nots I don't give a [ __ ] just what advice you have to give to people what I do on a daily basis is I treat God's children my father God's children as my brothers or sisters and and there's my life boils down to two simple words really easy intentions and motives as long as my intentions are sincere and my motives are proper I live a very prosperous life the minute there's like a an agenda and automate them or motor Sapa Rhonda if you will my life is not peaceful it is not pleasant is not enjoyable and the beautiful thing is now that I'm aware that I'm aware ignorant is no longer bliss I know which means I have to be held accountable now you're a cannibal yeah they say that the root of an alcoholic is self-centered abso-fucking-lutely do for years it was me me me me and if I had three minutes you but only if it benefited me it's kind of good and it still can be yeah you have to check yourself hence me being aware now I'll do it for like a half a day as opposed to two days you know whatever oh yeah no instead of 24 years you're doing it for a name and I mean it's like it's it's much your reaction time is faster and I think that's all we can really hope for yeah but anyway dude go back thank you for coming out thank you for having me long time ago do man I'm really proud of you and what you have going on here I'm proud of you I can speak for your father I know he's [ __ ] proud of you you're doing things man it takes a lot to get out of your comfort zone and move to a state that you have no idea about and not only recreate you and your life but like your world so I commend you for that thanks man I like it here I'll stay it suits you you wear it well no pun intended no I intended it [ __ ] mr. Novack [ __ ] you but thank you and I'm really happy to hear where things are going and I'm happy too I'm super happy for you thank you ma'am you got it that's it for reap what you sow

Channel: Sethan Hill

Views: 71,435

Keywords: brandon novak, viva la bam, jackass, dreamseller, cocaine, addiction, heroin, meth, xanax, baltimore city, the addiction series, crack, skateboarding, tony hawk, bam margera, millions, recovery, don't give up, there is hope, documentary, true story, new york times bestseller, mtv, west chester, pennsylvania, #theaddictionseries, alcoholic anonymous, narcotics anonymous, rehabilitation, rehab, reap what you sew, podcast, joe rogan

Id: TUvObowL4Bw

Length: 47min 0sec (2820 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 20 2019