[Subtitles by danielsangeo] Welcome to Hell!
...I mean, the Game Dungeon. Today, you can "Go to Hell"! This is a casual Flash platforming game,
but it has some actual gameplay to it. Also, this is THE most
vertical episode so far. I love widescreens as much as the next person, but I have to work with what the game
gives me, and this game is on a diet. So, good news if you're
watching this on a phone. For the rest of us, maybe you can
tilt your screen or something. All right! Let's go! Okay, first off, get a good
look at the surface here, because this is the last
you're going to see of it. We're digging down from now on. No surface breaks to remind ourselves of
what the sky looks like; we're going to Hell. The goal is pretty simple: dig down. You have to dig 666 meters
to get to Hell. Works for me. Now, for each block of dirt you
dig, that drains your hunger meter. If that goes empty, it
starts draining your health. You can replenish yourself with
powerups and it's about that simple. I like how this game gives you no backstory
at all as to WHY we're going to Hell, just that you have to do a lot of
digging if you're going to get there. The "why" is irrelevant. "How"
is the only part that matters. So why am I covering a casual game? Because normally I want games with
some sort of actual experience to them, whereas casual games tend to be more
click-this-button-and-something-will-happen. Oh, you clicked it? Ha-ha,
now you're a test subject. Well, first off, this game is called
"Go to Hell". That got my attention. Normally, I'd expect a free
Flash game called "Go to Hell" to be some sort a vessel to deliver a virus, but no, this is actually a game here, and
it's on the better end of the "casual" pool. So, you come in thinking this game is going
to try to screw you but then you realize, "Oh, they're not being figurative.
We're actually going to Hell. Sweet." Second, I feel like we got robbed
by "Construction Bob" last episode. I didn't like how we ended that with just some recycled animation before
dumping you back to the menu screen. I mean, it's not like I'm expecting a
happy ending from a game about Hell, but I want SOMETHING. Well, I don't want to spoil too much, but this game has a worthy
ending for a casual game. You do make it to Hell--you probably
guessed that--but... well, you'll see. Actually, I take that back.
This game has two endings. In the instructions, they tell you you need
to collect 50 gold coins along the way. You'd better do that. If you don't,
you get the other ending and it SUCKS. They turn you away at the door. That ending
isn't even worth watching. Get the coins. I find this concept fascinating,
especially from a theological perspective, that you need a certain amount of money
to even get into Hell in the first place. I'm surprised Hell is so exclusive.
I guess it goes back aways. Charon the ferryman wants two coins for
taking people across the River Styx, but that was back in ancient Greek times. Looks like the rates
have gone up since then! Still, the game is saying forget all
the morality teaching you've learned, how much money do you have? Cough up the coins, then we'll
talk about who's good or evil. Some churches take this same approach. The music here has only one
track but it's quite fitting; has a nice haunting feel to it. There is one more music track at the end
but... I'll let you be the judge of that. As for the gameplay, it's simple but
involves a surprising amount of strategy. You want to find the shortest and
safest route to your objectives and it's not always obvious. Your character here is almost like a pet. He's always complaining, "I'm hungry",
"I'm hurt", "I need air". It doesn't end. Air especially can be a problem
midway through the game. Sometimes I have to swim
off the screen to breathe because everything's flooded so much. But, one thing I really like is you
can take the game at your own pace. So, while there are real hazards
like drowning and monsters, if you're in a safe spot, you can take
as long as you want to figure things out. There's no time pressure at all.
And really, that's how it should be. After all, Hell will wait on you. Now, it may interest some of you to know
that I actually have Hell insurance. What do I mean by that? Well, several years back
when I was in school, I had a part-time job working
at the school print shop. Ironically, this was
NOT one of my hell jobs. Sometimes I'd work the counter, sometimes they had me fixing
computers around the school. The point is, being an employee
there, I had access to free prints. Also with me was
another employee called Dave. We had multiple Daves at the print
shop so everyone called him Metal Dave, because heavy metal was his life. If it was his shift, you can bet that's
all anyone was going to listen to. He was a big guy. Imagine a younger
bad ass version of Penn Jillette, except with more muscle on him,
no glasses, tattoos all over him. So naturally, we got along just fine, and everyone else in the
radius around the print shop who didn't want to hear heavy
metal was not so fond of Dave, but they didn't have much say in the matter
since he was the biggest bastard around and anyone who didn't like
it just had to deal with it. Now I prefer heavy metal that has more of
a tune to it whereas Dave liked the stuff that I classify as closer to
the "noise" end of the spectrum, but still, his tastes beat the hell out of
anything I was likely to hear on the radio. He really liked this album. So, anyway, since we had
access to free prints, I had the bright idea to try something
I had wanted to do for a long time. You know how there are all these stories
about selling your soul to the Devil? Well I've always thought, "Why does the
Devil have a monopoly on buying souls? "Can't other people buy them, too?" Well, Dave was totally down with this idea,
so we decided to put that to the test. We printed up a
bunch of blank soul contracts, then set up a card table
in the school cafeteria and offered to buy people's
souls in exchange for candy. Now I've always been kind of a cheap-ass,
but I decided not to cut corners on this. I bought good candy: Peppermint
Patties, Butterfingers, Snickers, some good stuff for people to choose from. And we printed up all these signs of happy
people and smiley faces saying, "Free Candy". Then, when people approached us, we told them all they had
to do sign the soul contract and they could get a handful of candy. We probably looked like a human yin-yang. I was there looking kind of like Jesus wearing a white and happy
Wallace and Gromit shirt, and Dave was there in his Slayer
t-shirt, black hair, covered in tattoos, but we were both being
super friendly to people. The idea was one of us would
take ownership of the soul and the other person would sign and witness
the contract. Then we would switch off. Dave said he used to work for a notary
office so that made these valid. Anyway, we had some takers. One guy didn't hesitate at all,
just said, "Sure, I'm hungry." Signed right away and that was it. There were one or two girls who really
freaked out once they read the contract going, "Oh no!" like they had been
warned about this sort of thing. My favorite was a guy who hesitated, joked
around nervously talking to us for 20 minutes until he finally signed. All in all, we had a good haul. We got about 10 or 11 souls each. So, my reasoning is that, if my life isn't
up to par by the afterlife standards, well then hey,
I'm carrying ten souls around. That's got to be worth something, right? Now, this strikes me as exactly the sort
of thing you DON'T do to go to heaven, but I figure, maybe I can trade
these in for a nicer spot in Hell. So, instead of being
burned alive for eternity, maybe I can get a place on
the outer rim of Hell instead and hang out with all the Greek
philosophers or something. I guess I'll have to learn Greek. Now, I was hoping to show you a
picture of one of these soul contracts as proof I'm not making any of this up, but I can't find them and I'm pretty
sure I left them at my parents' house. Now this is a problem because I can't just
call them up and ask them to take a photo because I know my mother
will say something like, "Ross, you give those people
back their souls right now." So you're just going to have
to take my word on this. Sorry. I always try to back
up what I'm saying when I can, but this time it's gotten more complicated. Anyway, back to the game. Once you go deep enough, the ground water
disappears and you start hitting lava. This will kill you pretty fast, but
I have to say, for all its faults, Construction Bob had the more accurate
portrayal of how humans interact with lava. [screaming] Oh, and I should mention that the
levels are procedurally generated so it's never quite the same. That also means that you'll
run into situations like this. Look at this. No matter what I
do here, I'm in for some pain. Well, no one said Hell was easy.
Quite the opposite, actually. All in all, this is a solid "break" game, like if you want something to play
on your lunch break for 20 minutes to forget about your REAL hell
job, you will not go wrong here. Okay, we're getting close. At the end, the game
actually gives you a break; you get to freefall the last forty meters and that's okay because, y'know, the pull of gravity gets weaker as
you get to the center of the Earth. Okay! We're at the door and we
have the coins! Are you psyched? Ladies and gentlemen! WELCOME TO HELL! [rave music]
Ladies and gentlemen! WELCOME TO HELL! [rave music]
YEAH! WE MADE IT! [rave music]
HELL PARTIES ARE THE BEST PARTIES [rave music]
BECAUSE THEY'RE FOR ETERNITY! [rave music]
ALL RIGHT! AWARDS TIME! [rave music]
HELL YEAH! [rave music]
THAT'S THE EPISODE! [rave music]
STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT WIDESCREEN EPISODE [rave music]
FOR THE BIGGEST HEAD IN A POLICE STATION [rave music]
I'VE EVER SEEN! [rave music]
UNTIL NEXT TIME, SEE YOU IN HELL! [rave music] [muffled rave music]
I've noticed his videos have been getting shorter recently. It's a bit of a shame because I enjoy hearing him talk for extensive periods of time. Atleast the quality is there, I'm enjoying the game dungeon series as much as freeman's mind