[Subtitles by danielsangeo] Hey! Welcome to the Game Dungeon. This episode is a little different from the
others in that I'm covering a "new" game. I mean, it's from 1984 so not
exactly new, but new for me. All the other episodes are games
I've played at some in the past, but this one I discovered just recently. I was drawn to the name:
"Bozo's Night Out". I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought maybe you'd play a clown
going out for a night on the town, like go dancing at clubs or something, or maybe you'd go around and try to lure
people into traps, like Pennywise from "It". Well, the bad news is you don't
play a clown in this game. You play as a drunk Englishman instead. So, what's this game about? Well, the instructions
are pretty helpful here. [drunken slurring]
"Shee if you shcan get Bosho shafely home "withh ash many pintsh--hic--
inshide hhim ashee can--burp--drink . "He--hic--may walk eithher
lefshft or rightch--burp-- "or derthrouugh--hic--da park. "Shafely home he can ttry again da
nexxt night wissh five--hic--more pints. "If he failsh he will loshe
one to five pints." And that sums it all up.
So let's get started. Now, things are calm enough at the pub, but once you go outside,
everyone on the street is your enemy. You mostly have bobbies who will arrest
you and punks who will beat you senseless, but there are also old ladies and
prostitutes who will beat you up too, just not quite as hard. Now, these could just be women
in low-cut dresses out at night, but I'm assuming these are prostitutes because it fits perfectly
with this town's image. If it's not obvious,
Bozo lives in the slums. There are bars on his windows, the punks
are constantly on the prowl for trouble, and their suspenders give them a
bit of that "Clockwork Orange" vibe. Look at the punk's face on the box cover. You don't want to live here,
but Bozo is on a mission. Now, besides walking home on the street, you can also take a shortcut through
the park. It's what you'd expect. Unfortunately, it's almost as crowded
as the street so there's not much point. If you bump into anyone, your whole
night is lost and you start to sober up. If you sober up completely,
you lose the game. If you make it home successfully, you get to
add 5 more pints to your inebriation level. Judging from the meter, the
goal is to get to 60 pints. So, I guess the goal is you're
trying to drink yourself to death. I was actually going to criticize
the amount you drink in this game, because you're trying to
go for 60 pints of beer, and I was thinking, well they
should've changed the numbers on that because nobody could drink that much. Well, no. I'm wrong.
I'm totally friggin' wrong. I did some research and André the
Giant holds the drinking record for 119 12-ounce beers in six hours. Or, in other words, one beer every
three minutes without stopping. That comes to just under 90 pints. Now, André the Giant
weighed about 520 pounds so he obviously could handle more beers,
but since Bozo is only going for 60 pints, that means he would only have to weigh
about 350 pounds to match him mass-wise. Well, Bozo is not a small man
and looks he has a healthy gut, and he's clearly a very experienced
drinker, so 60 pints is totally achievable. The game had it right all along. The music is "Roll Out the Barrel"
on endless loop. I'm going to change it to something else. The controls on the game are fantastic. They start off responsive, but the more
you drink, the more momentum you gain and your character will start to
drift in different directions, and if you need to stop, it can take a while
before you're able to start back up again. You really need to anticipate what's coming. It's amazing. I feel as though I can really
feel all the beer sloshing around inside him. It's like driving a big truck with
faulty steering carrying a heavy load. It is so satisfying being able to
steer Bozo safely inside his home so he can load up even more. It makes me feel like a master driver. Oh-oh! He's going to block
me! He's going to block me! YES! Around level 40, you start hallucinating
and people will turn different colors, and you might start seeing pink elephants. Now, pink elephants is an old expression, though my understanding is that
serious alcoholics like Bozo here are more likely to see snakes not elephants. I had a friend who got so completely drunk
on St. Patrick's Day, that, at one point, he broke down in tears talking about
how the Russians killed his wife. It is worth mentioning that my friend was 16
at the time, had never even been to Russia, and didn't even have
a girlfriend. He got over it. The game is surprisingly solid. My only complaint are these damned pits
in the sidewalk that sporadically open up. They just feel out of place whereas
everything else I can kind of see happening. At first I thought maybe they were
symbolic for you just falling on your ass because you're so drunk, but no, they'll
open up and pedestrians fall down them, too. I have a theory about this,
but I'll come back to it. This game really makes me wonder
what the full story is here. Like, what does Bozo do for a living? What kind of job can you have where
you can show up piss drunk every day? You don't just sleep off 30 pints of beer
by morning. That shit's going to linger. I'm pretty sure he works an
evening shift whatever he does. No way you're ready to go at 8
or 9 AM after a night like this. Now the easy answer is, his name's
Bozo so he must work as a clown. I don't think so. It's been a long
time since I've been to the circus, but when I did go, those clowns were
tip top, running all over the place. Now, it's possible Bozo is
unemployed, but I think he has a job. He has his own apartment and he's
buying beer at the pub each night. That's not cheap. That money's
got to come from somewhere. In fact, I did some more research, and
viewer Joey Wolf, who lives in London, said that the price of a pint of
beer is about £3.5 in a cheap pub, and £5.5 in a classy one. He also said London is expensive and
it can be cheaper in other cities. Well, for the sake of argument,
let's say this is London. After all, there are a LOT
of people on the street. And I think it's obvious we're going to a
cheaper pub judging by the neighborhood. So, if Bozo is drinking five
additional pints a night, that's a minimum of £17.5
or roughly 28 US dollars. Now, it's possible Bozo is just dosing
himself with his own beer at home in between each night so he only
has to buy five new pints per day, but let's say he starts
fresh at the pub every night. Okay, a bit of a spoiler: you actually have to
make it to sixty-FIVE pints to beat the game. So, if you had a perfect run
without sobering up once, we're still talking a minimum of about
£1,593 or $2,550 for his adventures here. And notice nobody else is ever at this pub. It makes sense that Bozo is
always the last to leave, but it makes me wonder if he's supporting
the establishment all on his own. Once you hit level 50, this
game starts getting really hard. But I can't say it's not realistic. I kind of want to see a prequel to this. We know Bozo is single but
was it always that way? Maybe he had a wife and family that
he pushed away with his drinking. Really, I think this is
another game full of potential and could use a modern-day reimagining. I'd like to see the full progression from
a happy family life to where Bozo is now. I want to see some sort
of drunk career mode. Maybe this could be a management
sim or some sort of roguelike where you try to balance your drinking
AND go to work AND keep your wife AND not end up in jail, but you probably
won't be able to do ALL those things. So, if you finally hit 60 pints, you still
need to last one more night to make it to 65. It's hell, that's all I can say. But, if you make it, then congratulations!
You win a Bozo Rotten Liver Award, and end up in the hospital. It's kind of lame to not
even get an ending screen, but hey, how many games do you play where
you win by drinking yourself to death? All right, I'm about done, but
I'll stop beating around the bush. Let's talk about the park. Something is happening here. I can't even say what I'm looking at. I love how this was just slipped in
casually with no other context to anything. So, here's my theory: Remember those pits that
people keep falling down? I think we're witnessing
an apocalyptic event where monsters from the
underworld have broken free and are coming to the surface to claim
human souls for their own dark harvest. They're grabbing people from
the surface with these pit traps and we get to see their
true faces in the park here. But the genius of this game is
that this is the SIDE story. Any other game this would be the
main event, but in Bozo's world, his only concern is to get completely
shitfaced all night, every night. Even though the entire Earth is bound
to be enveloped by demonic forces, for the here and now, all they mean to Bozo is just another obstacle
between him and his drinking. Okay, awards time. Not a lot to say. Our awards are Punks, Prostitutes and Pints. That's the game! Stay tuned for some spooky
episodes for October. And remember: if you're trying to drink
yourself to death, pubs are for suckers. Drinking discount wine alone at home
in your bathtub wins every time. [jaunty piano music]
I'll post this here as well as the Tube comment section, a little short story inspired by the demons and by +ThatGunslinger on the tube.
+ThatGunslinger said: "Bozo waited. There were demons in the park. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years."
And this is what I wrote:
The idea of demons did not scare Bozo. He had gone to Sunday school when he was young, and his dad had been quite the religious nut, as some people would say. He didn't consider himself a believer, exactly, but he hadn't completely written off the idea that such a thing as a demon or a ghost could exist. And if they could exist, and if they were stronger than humans as the legends would have you believe, then it would be just a matter of time until the demons would come out and try to take their place in the world. The idea of them existing did not scare Bozo, like it did most people, the idea of what they might do to him if they were to catch him was what scared him. And so Bozo had decided that if he drank, they would not be able to do anything to him. Booze drowned out all feelings, including pain.
He waited, silently, trying to breathe lightly so that no one, or no thing, could hear him. He was still laying where he had fallen over last night after another one of his drunken walks through the town; "Bozo's nights out", the locals called it.
There was another sound of movement in the brushes, and Bozo's eyes darted over to catch whatever was moving there. He thought he saw a flash of red, but he couldn't be sure; it was so dark in the park, despite the moonlight that glowed through the branches in spots. He wondered whether the thing had moved in the undergrowth had seen him, and what it wanted with him.
Suddenly a bright beam of white light shone in Bozo's face. He groaned, lifting his hand up to cover his eyes. A voice sounded from behind the light. "Bozo? Is that you? Ach, you're lying in a puddle o' your own piss again! I told you ta go home to sober up, didn't I? Come 'ere. I better take you down to the station to sleep off that buzz," the voice said. It was a deep male voice, a voice that Bozo recognized. It belonged to to Bobby, who ironically enough was the local bobby. He walked over, and pulled Bozo up off of the ground and on his feet, balancing him against his shoulder.
"Let's go then, you drunk ol' bastard," Bobby said.
"But.. the demons," Bozo moaned, trying to resist. It was useless; Bobby was no lightweight, and the five pints of beer that Bozo had had that night did not make resistance any easier.
"Yeah, yeah, we'll talk about your demons down at the station," Bobby said, dragging Bozo along, pulling him out of the park gate. Bozo managed to swing his head around and take one last look at the park before it was obscured from him by the brick wall.
Down at the spot where the underbrush had shaken, he saw a face. It was not a human face; the teeth were much longer, the eyes much too wide, there were blue tumors of some kind growing in random places, and the skin... the skin was bright red.
I'm excited for his October videos
Video title: Ross's Game Dungeon: Bozo's Night Out
author: Accursed Farms
Description: Ross staggers through Bozo's Night Out. www.accursedfarms.com
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