[Subtitles by danielsangeo] [music] Welcome to Ross's Game Dungeon. This is Eternam. Now, we're off to a good start already with this VERY flashy intro
and some rocking music. More on that later. First, what is this game? Well, Eternam is mostly a third-person
traditional graphic-adventure game, but it has decent chunk of it that's a
first-person 3D roaming exploration game with some minor shooting elements. Are you still not sure what
this game is yet? Well, get used to that feeling because it
doesn't go away the more you play of it. Let's start off with the plot. This game takes place
800 years in the future, and you play a space marshal
who's taking some time off and is having a vacation on
the planet Eternam. Now, Eternam itself is apparently
composed of synthetic humans, and is supposed to be a reproduction
of historical locations. If you've ever seen the movie Westworld,
the opening plot is very similar to that, except these are lifeforms, or some weird
sentient beings instead of robots. So, yeah, pretty cool starting
premise for the game. So, let's take a look at it. This is the very start of the game. We have some nice 3D vector graphics. Very sprite-heavy, though, so it
gives this cool outdoor feel to it. Not bad at all for an open-world
3D game from 1992. Remember, this came out
a year before Doom. And, in addition to this nice
outdoorsy feel, I like these random
yellow spheres lying around that I have no idea what
the hell they are. And, no worries, this game gets
weirder from here. Okay, so, let's get into the game play. Again, this is primarily a
graphic-adventure game, and one thing I think is very cool is that
the people wandering around on the road aren't just decoration; you can walk right up and talk to them, so let's do that. "Ho-ho-ho... "Now, if I were you, an adventurer,
I'd follow this road! "Especially since... Well, I don't want to
scare you, but the risks are great! "Oh, that they are... Very very Great!!!" So, what did you think of that? Did you like how a large man
laughs for no reason, talks ominously about how very
dangerous everything is, while the camera zooms in on his
mouth like he's going to eat you? I did. First impressions are everything and I think that first encounter establishes
the tone of this game perfectly. Strange, sinister, confusing,
and intriguing. But, hey, you decide for yourself;
there's plenty more where that came from. This is not a game that tries
to hide its intentions. Okay, now here's one of the
first locations you can enter. This is what the majority of
the game looks like. Again, the traditional third-person
graphic-adventure game. Now, unfortunately the interface
kind of sucks for this style of game. You can only navigate via the keyboard; you can't click where you
want to go with the mouse. Also, see all those buttons at
the bottom for talking to people, using items, and so on? Well, you can't press those with the mouse. You have to find the corresponding
letter on the keyboard. It's an annoyance that drags the
game down a little bit. Although even this is MUCH better than
earlier graphic-adventure games where you had to play guessing
games with the computer and type in every damned command
you wanted to use. I like graphic-adventure games,
but wow, I do NOT miss that. Also, the "look at" command,
I'd say, is almost superfluous as anything of note will just
jump out at you when you play. They did cut corners in that you
can't look at all the extra items to get more descriptions of everything,
but there's still a lot of content here. On that note, another thing that
I find very cool about this game is that the house I'm in right now is totally unnecessary to go
into in order to beat the game. It's just some house off the
beaten path that you can explore or get more information about
the world you're in. The game is littered with
locations like this. Personally, I love this. I feel like a lot of modern games try
to hold your hand too much, so it kind of adds to the
immersion for me when I DON'T feel like every
place I visit in a game feels like it was specifically
crafted to cater to the player. And there are other things going on in
the game world that are just extra. It's almost like the game rewards you
for being ON the right path, because it's easy to get sidetracked. It just gives the impression of
the world being more alive to me. That guy in the house isn't there to
give me some special side quest. He's just some medieval dude, but you
can talk to him anyway. It's great. Well, moving along, I'm going to
show you the first central plot area where you DO have a lot of objectives. Now, I'm more or less going to
spoil this first area for you, because I want people to see
what this game is like. [fanfare] Okay, so let's move forward. [growling] Now, the humor and the style of this game is described as "over-the-top"
or "tongue-in-cheek", and it is, but there's something else going
on here, too. You'll see. See, I'm not sure why there's a
full-screen Don Bluth-style animation of beating the crap out of a
dog, but hey, why not, right? "The dog is in fact a well-paid
professional stunthound..." "Extremely well-paid..." "Uh... How much is well-paid?" "...30 gold..." "What? In that case, we'll do it again!! "And let's have more sincerity this time!" And, in case you somehow missed
it the first time, let's have it again. I mean, I get it--the joke is that
the dog is supposedly some actor, and they want to get their money's
worth--the tongue-in-cheek humor-- but, man, the whole presentation
style is just strange. Moving on! "Greetings. A most spiteful
dog, don't you find?" Now, we get a talking skeleton just
chilling out, because, again, why not? Now, this is another drawback about this game. Most of the time when you pick
a response, that's it. You never have this conversation line again. So, if you want to ask what someone's
name is AND ask them where you are, too bad, you have to choose
one or the other. So, if you want to see all the
different conversations available, you'll have to save prior to
talking to anyone. "The name is Bones. James Bones." See, here's another example
of what I mean. They're obviously spoofing James Bond,
except this skeleton isn't a spy. He's not dressed in a tuxedo and there
is NO other connection to James Bond other than the name similarity.
So, is that a joke? It must be, but damn, it's just so
bizarre the way they deliver it. Okay, so we're going to see the duke
because we don't what we're doing and that sounds like as
good idea as any. "Hey you! Where do you
think you're going?" "I'm looking for the duke." "Go down to the end of the corridor. "I'd bring a sweetmeat for the
secretary if I were you. "He's a greedy-guts and he'll want
something tasty before he lets you past. "I almost forgot! It'll soon
be time for the train." Yeah, what? Okay, so we'll go forward? "Here it comes!" [train whistles, chugging] Okay, are you starting to see what
I mean about this game's vibe? I mean, yes, it's wacky and
over-the-top, but it's also very odd. Almost all the jokes feel
incomplete to me, like that train was the punchline to
a joke they forgot to include the rest of? Or maybe it's just there because, "Wuh-hoah,
train in a medieval castle, whoo-hoo-heh!" and that's the whole joke? This was designed by a French studio, so maybe it's just a cultural
difference in humor, but everything about this
game just feels a little off. It's not bad, though. Au contraire! Even though I'm not getting or
laughing at most of the jokes, or at least not in the
way I'm supposed to, it's all wildly interesting. Let me give you a quick tour in some of
the things you can find in just this castle. We have the classic painting
watching you as you walk by it. We have Greek statues
gossiping with each other. I'm not going to read all that out loud. We randomly have some of the floor tiles
acting like they're moving walkways like you see at airports. And, as with most things in this game, there's
no explanation or reference to it at all. We have a guy who got stuffed in
an active fireplace by the guards, who you later hide from
and then never see again. We, of course, have electrical sockets
because this is the Middle Ages. "An electric socket! Now
I can get turned on!" See, another broken joke. I mean, I like the slapstick humor,
but it's just totally random otherwise. This joke would work if
he was a robot and... ...forget it. There's a disturbed guard
looking for his keys that gets violent with you if
you hang around too long. Maybe he thinks you stole them. There's another guard who is in
love with one of the Greek statues, so he's standing with her to
keep her company despite the fact that this one
doesn't seem to talk. He also invites you take a picture
of them which you later can do, even though it's not required at
all in order to beat the game. There's a motorized pop-up
map of the continent. We have people you don't know
randomly giving you shit after you've been assigned a quest. I guess this part's pretty true to life. We have a mirror that causes the
whole game to zoom in on you, like something is going to happen or
it's significant, even though it's not. If you get injured by being shot
by the giant eyes inside the walls, you're treated to a strange sequence. Watch this. Note the body language
on this German doctor. [funky music] I'm assuming he's a vampire
because his eyes are red. [funky music] And we have an oddly intense
jester. Look at this guy's eyes. If I was a king and I had a jester
that looked at me like that, I'd throw him in the dungeon. This is the look of a man who
will poison you and then make a
strange joke about it while watching you die. And finally, we have the finger room. [fanfare] Now, you may see all this and think
Eternam is just a giant ball of insanity, but I wouldn't go that far in saying
this game is crazy, end of story, because there some games like
that where their whole purpose is just to be as weird as possible
and screw with your head. I don't think Eternam is
actually like that. It's more like all the weirdness is meant to
emphasize jokes that aren't really connecting? Eternam is a weird game to be sure, but
it restrains itself by trying to make sense in between the bouts of madness. It hits this delicate balance between
being a coherent experience versus outright insanity, and
I'd say the results are very cool. There are not many games like
this; I think it really stands out. Okay, I'm not going to
spoil the whole thing, but I want to show you a little
more of this game since my favorite part
is on the next island. After you complete your
quest for the duke, you can keep heading onward and can wander
the countryside, talking to more people, and exploring the region in general. Also, you've probably noticed it by now, but this game has a real time day-and-night
cycle which just adds to the atmosphere. Okay so moving forward, the next island is
basically a simulation of 18th century France during the French Revolution. I think this is awesome. There are entirely not enough games about
the French Revolution in my opinion. In fact, if you don't count the Napoleon
Conquest games, I don't know of any. I think Fable III was supposed
to be influenced by it, but I saw a review of that game
that trashed it so badly that it made me not want to play it. Anyway, the French Revolution is
an AWESOME setting for a game! You have the Populists
revolting, widespread starvation, an incompetent and unstable ruling class, it was anarchy half the time,
lots of mob rule and people were getting their heads
cut off like it was going out of style. How can you not make a fantastic
game with that kind of source material? Maybe that's the problem. It was such a hardcore time in history
that game developers are worried they won't be able to do it justice. Well, despite having all the
wackiness mixed in, Eternam does a pretty awesome job
of representing the French Revolution. On the outskirts of town, I ran
into these armchair revolutionaries that were ready to kill me once they heard
I visited the duke from the other island, because he's nobility. But, they let me go with a warning because there were so many other
people in line to execute before me. I also found a house of a
woman who will kill you unless you're wearing a rosette secretly
identifying yourself as a revolutionary, but she'll also kill you if you step
on her cat so there's just no pleasing her. In town, you discover there
are two barons ruling, both of whom are doing the opposite
of whatever the other one does, and both of whom are taxing the
citizens double. That sucks. If you accidentally walk on the
lawn of one of the nobility, you'll be arrested by the guards, the judge
will give you a completely unfair trial, you'll be held in a cell, and if you don't
get help escaping, you get the guillotine. You know, for an over-the-top
surreal science-fiction game, this part is pretty darned accurate. So, despite being a spoof, Eternam has one of the best portrayals of
the French Revolution I've seen in a game. I especially like this because I feel like
there's a lot of parallels between the time before the French Revolution
and modern-day America. Now, don't quote me on saying
I think the USA is going to end up like the
French Revolution, because I don't. I actually think we're going to end up
more like Argentina, but that's another topic. Anyway, there's a LOT more to this game
but I don't want to spoil too much for people. You also get to see a futuristic area, an ancient Egyptian area, and the forbidden area of the island. I'm not going to talk
much more about that, although I'd be shirking my
duty if I didn't at least show you
Star Trek: Gorbachev. And Gorbachev, as we all know, is most
famous for his Pizza Hut commercials. [music] [speaking Russian] ["The Edge Pizza from Pizza Hut
with no outer crust ["so the toppings go
all the way to the edge."] [speaking Russian] ["Have You Been to the Edge?"] Y'know, I think they've changed their
recipe sometime in the past few years, but my experience with Pizza Hut is that they had THE greasiest
pizza out of all the national chains. It used to be if you got a pizza
from them and tilted it at an angle, there would be a stream of
grease that would flow off the top. Back to the game. Okay, so this game has a lot of
cool stuff going for it. So what's bad? Well, I already mentioned the
keyboard interface. Another thing I don't like is
the shooting element in this game. This doesn't mean I don't like shooters, but I don't like seeing things
half-assed and that's what this part is. During the outdoor sections, you
occasionally run into random enemies that you can shoot at, and the
game will auto-aim and destroy them. To me, this is just kind of pointless. You can always just run away
from the enemies, and while they can lower your health if
they get too close, it regenerates over time. Normally, I would just ignore
this altogether and not talk about it, although I think it's worth mentioning because I feel like this holds back the
graphic-adventure aspect of it a bit. The reason I say that is I feel
like graphic-adventure games have kind of a special place in the
gaming spectrum. I personally think that, on average,
the graphic-adventure genre has better writing than pretty
much any other genre of games. You could maybe make the
argument for RPGs as a competitor, but I think you can easily find
more mature or diverse storylines in graphic-adventure games as a
whole than anywhere else in gaming. Part of that IS because it's
very dialog- and story-focused with combat being nonexistent or
at an absolute minimum. This means that you don't have to shoehorn
in killing enemies as part of your storyline the way you have to in first person
shooters, RPGs, many platformers and so on. This means that your storyline can feel more
real sometimes, because, honestly, how many people have you
fought or shot today? I haven't fought anyone today
and I'm recording this on a Friday. I didn't have to attack the
clerk at the grocery store in order to get him to agree to
check out my groceries. Anyway, the point I'm getting at is the
vast majority of graphic-adventure games require NO arcade reflexes. Now, that may sound like
a negative thing, but that means that they can appeal to a
completely different demographic of people than what most people
normally think of as gamers. So, that means that somebody who doesn't
like shooting things or lots of action but DOES like to read or solve puzzles
may actually enjoy graphic-adventure games. I've gotten a few people interested
in graphic-adventure games who don't normally consider themselves
gamers and end up liking them a lot. Because, your average person,
when they hear the word "video game", they're thinking Mario or Halo...
Grand Theft Auto, something like that. And if that's all they know, they might
think, "Oh, well I don't like games. The end." So, when I see these sections that
REQUIRE arcade skills on some level, it automatically means I can't
recommend that game to anyone who isn't already a traditional gamer. And that's ironic since your average gamer typically doesn't play these
kinds of games nowadays. A lot of people, or especially
mainstream gaming media, think that graphic-adventure
games are dead. But, they're totally WRONG! There are multiple releases of
new ones every month. I'd say it's almost a willful
ignorance on the industry's part. I think part of the reason for that is a lot
of these games have very meager budgets, and they don't translate
very well to consoles so there's not much incentive for
mainstream gaming press to cover them. So, they are a niche status but
they're more alive than ever nowadays, even if a lot of mainstream
gaming sites act like they don't exist. Ribbit. Now, while sheer ignorance of some
gaming journalists can piss me off, there unfortunately is a VERY valid reason
as to why graphic-adventure games are niche status nowadays. I'm talking about the completely
nonsensical puzzle solving. This is sadly a long tradition
within the graphic-adventure genre and Eternam is no exception. Now, I'm not talking about a
really good logic puzzle to open a door or something
like that. I like those. I'm talking about ones where you
need to slap a fish with a cricket bat so it will sign a tune and put the robot
to sleep so you can sneak past it. Puzzles like that are not about
good logic or deduction skills but rather about trying to
figure out what blend of weed the developers
were smoking that particular day to get into the same state of mind as them. Now, Eternam's puzzles are actually more
straightforward than a lot of other games but the cause and effect between the
problem and the solution is pretty extreme. I can basically guarantee you won't make it
past the second island without hints, which I think is a sign of bad game design,
even if it was the standard at the time. Also, while not exactly a puzzle, this part of the game left me completely
stumped when I first played it. I didn't know where to go so I looked up
a hint. I had to go in the tavern. Tavern? What tavern? I go here, I can't get in. Okay, go back... Okay, I go to the right, I'm
completely stopped. Well, maybe if I... no, that takes
me back to the next screen. Let's try again. No... Jesus Christ, how do I--? Wow, I would NOT have made
it in there without a hint. I thought it was impossible. Okay, the final bad thing about this game
is, ironically, usually a positive thing. Up until now, I've been showing
you the floppy disk version of the game. But, it turns out a CD-copy with
full voice acting was released also. I never played it until recently and now
that I have, I think you should avoid it. Why? Well, the voice acting ranges
from passable to rushed dubbed quality. Listen to this amazing sample. This is the
first thing you hear in the game. (deadpan)
["Welcome to Etter-nom. (deadpan)
["If you've consulted our brochure, (deadpan)
["you'll know this is the vacation... (deadpan)
["of a lifetime..."] ["You... Don Jonz...
are about visit islands... ["...which are highly... accurate...
historical...reproductions... ["...many synthetic humanoids...
will provide stunning realism... ["...adding... to your intense pleasure."] Here's another sample. (flatly)
["Name your poison."] (flatly)
["Ah-ha. A carnosaur."] (flatly)
["Strong, you say?"] ["I might have what you want.
It's, uh, reserved for discerning clients. ["Not exactly completely
legal, you see."] (flatly)
["No skin off MY nose."] And another! (bad French accent)
["If you have not seen Charlotte, ["you have see nothing, mon ami.
She will refresh your eyes, believe me."] And here's one more. (deadpan)
["Meanwhile."] (flatly)
["Uh. It's, it's... It's slipperyyyyyyyyy."] And, hey, the floppy disk version of
that scene actually has extra dialog. It has the famous Moon-landing quote
but it's completely missing in the CD-copy. I think it's because even their audio
director knew that it would be disgraceful trying to have their voice actor impersonate
Neil Armstrong so atrociously. Also, you know how earlier you
could choose dialog options? Well, check out what that looks
like on the CD-copy. Nice, huh? Isn't that what you want? To
have to listen to every single line before you choose what to say? I'm not even going to play the
voice for the main character since I think he's a good character, I don't want to ruin the
impression of him for this video. I mean, he looks like a pretty cool guy but
the voice they give him on the CD-copy is more appropriate for a narrator
about a documentary on bird watching. Let's talk about the protagonist for a minute. One good thing the CD-copy DID clear
up for me is how to pronounce his name. This is his name: I always pronounced that as "Don Johns" which made me think that they
were spoofing Don Juan, the famous lover, except that doesn't make much sense because
you don't really sleep around in this game, but that's exactly the sort of thing this
game would do. Remember "James Bones"? Anyway, the CD said his name is
"Don Jones" so we'll go with that. It also says this game's name
is "Etternom"-- ["Etter-nom."] --but I'm thinking that last one
may be more of a dialect thing. I mean, the name is so similar to the
word "eternal" so I'm calling it "Eternam". Anyway, I like this character. His long red hair and sideburns
bordering on mutton chops is a distinctive look
for a game character. He's a space marshal, which I'm assuming
is like a U.S. Marshal, except in space, and despite looking like a bodybuilder
and dressing in studded leather straps, he's a quite laid back and
easygoing character. It's another example where the
game changes your expectations. Since this is EXACTLY
the sort of character you would expect to be killing
enemies by the hundreds, not going around talking to people. Also, for the younger
people in the audience, wearing studded dual leather straps
like a bandolier may seem odd today, but this was common attire in the '80s. So, even though it was
a little dated by 1992, this is definitely a classic
look he's going for. And, really, when you have this many
muscles, all shirts do is slow you down. Back to him not fitting expectations, I'm actually thinking this was
more than just a joke, because this could've been the selling
point for the game, especially in the USA. Take a look at the American
cover for the game: That's a pretty awesome cover. Guy looks like he's ready for action coming
out of a portal, stepping on an enemy, you get to see other people in the
adventure, the attractive assistant up top, your nemesis off to the left, a
countdown off to the right... You could definitely sell the
game based on this cover. Now this cover, the CD-copy, also an
American version, is definitely a harder sell and it's appropriate because I
think the CD version sucks. But, even though the artwork isn't nearly
as good, it still has that action vibe to it, like you're going to stab or gun down
500 lizardmen playing this game. Now, here's the European version. This one is the most honest, in my opinion. A strange border with mushrooms
and hieroglyphics, the main character is drowning
and looks scared and confused-- this is a much more accurate
representation of the gameplay. Finally, we have... Tracy. This is an alternate copy of the
European version. I'm impressed this version made
it to publishing. In case you're wondering, Tracy is the name
of the assistant who communicates to you digitally every now and then
and gives you some tips. She has a minor role in this game at best. This cover would be like if you
named the game "Halo" as "Cortana". Okay, the last big thing I want
to talk about is the music. In general, I think the music
was well done. The opening track is great as
well as is the starting one. [music] I would've liked more of it but they had the
sense not to loop the music over and over and only play it every few
minutes to accentuate things. Unless you've composed a LOT
of music for your game, that's exactly how you
should handle things. I actually was surprised how good
this music sounds for AdLib music. Normally, I'm not the biggest
fan of AdLib synthesized music; I always feel like it needs more definition
or some sort of updated rendition. It's not like MIDI music where
you can literally go in and change all the instruments to
make them sound ten times better. To the best of my knowledge, with AdLib,
what you hear is what you get. Except here is the one saving
grace of the CD-copy. They actually included CD-audio
tracks of the original music, some of which are pretty good. [music] Although, I could swear they change
the notes or leave out instruments for some of the tracks, but
whatever. It's a good effort. The CD-copy still sucks, however, as it will
play the WRONG music tracks off the CD, sometimes at the same time the
AdLib music is playing. [overlapping music] [sigh]
[overlapping music] [overlapping music] Okay, I'm ready to wrap this up. In short, Eternam is a fantastic and
intriguing game weighed down by some serious gameplay issues that would make
this unplayable for a lot of people today. I couldn't ask for a more interesting game,
even if the entire time I felt a little lost, like I was starting in the middle of a
series I didn't have the backstory on. And that sort of is the case because
I couldn't find the manual to this game. At least, not in English. I DID find the Spanish copy, however. I'm
including a link to that in the description. If anyone out there is bilingual and
wants to kill an hour translating it, contact me and I'll post a link up to it. Then we'll have a French game
that's been translated into Spanish then translated into English. Those
are some of the joys of abandonware. Just translate the story, though. I don't need a translation of how to make a
boot disk to have more expanded memory. I'm glad those days are over. Anyway, this game is pretty much
exactly what I'm hoping for when I play an obscure game. Because, if a game is totally great,
has wide appeal, and is very accessible, it's not going to be THAT obscure. At the very least, it will
have a cult following. In order for games to be really obscure, there usually needs to have
something wrong with them, or be too strange for a
mainstream audience. The trick is finding ones that
aren't completely broken or else have all kinds of great things about
them to make up for the shortcomings. A major publisher would NEVER
put out a game like Eternam today, even if they fixed all the
gameplay issues. It's just too out there and it
would scare investors. But it doesn't scare me. All right, that's it.
Thanks for watching. Stay tuned for the next episode
for the largest hamburger I've seen! [music] ["I do not permit you to speak
such insult of my countrymans! ["If-if our island is not pleasing
you, I spit on you, vile stranger!"]
Yeah! I love this guy! And this game seems like it would be great for show material.
It seems right up Danny's alley
I can already hear the "God Dammit Ross" jokes.