Roast Me | Season 5 Episode 1 | Featuring T.I. | All Def

[Laughter] look like you bit the boom out of a bomb [Laughter] s [Music] foreign Lewis y'all give it up for the squad now before we get this show started off we're gonna go have a couple quick rules rule number one whistle through your tooth uh [Laughter] rule number one man everybody will get a chance to sit in this lovely Hot Seat rule number two you will be sent to the tension if you're saying bad jokes killing the vibe of the show or you just not funny man and last rule rule number three hold on Will Smith just called me he said keep my wife Billy's name out your [ __ ] mouth hey hey that's called David Lucas the brother of lizzo [Laughter] oh man they call him blizzard give up a black ass k-dub his spine made out of chocolate that [ __ ] don't get a bone marrow transparency get mud Merrell transplant well you dress like you're on child support [ __ ] uh your X-ray got a helmet in the middle of it hey hey Billy smoke blunts and do his toenails at the same time let me put on his wife's sandals to go to the store Billy eat bananas without biting them that's good Billy broke his neck being too sassy collecting all the unemployment let's get it started we started [ __ ] yeah the tweezers got knees like Jay-Z [Laughter] think about other people's knees cause every day yours go away hey Kelly lips and elbows the same color yeah boy you like a male witch [Applause] David Lucas bring his own meat with him to the restaurant my [ __ ] already seasoned just cook it on medium you dress like a fruit lady the first openly gay Byron the pirate is a virus oh way from the west side of Atlanta coming in the class y'all give it up for Tip Harris y'all hey hold on check that [ __ ] for a wire man hey tip just don't do no stand up in here you fine from beauty Beauty polite as hell his nightstand for that's it please nostrils baby [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] dishes [Laughter] you know you brush your teeth with neck bone broth somebody in the class California the one and only y'all give it up [Applause] he got his Tiffany had his shoes on in this [ __ ] these [ __ ] back on these you [ __ ] look like a homeless gospel groups you got hula hoop bruises [Laughter] dress up like the refrigerator tomorrow what's going on man hey boo you eat that [ __ ] that accumulates in the corner of your mouth when you get thirsty Red Lobster cheddar biscuits potatoes and both you [ __ ] look like y'all drive 18 wheelers in the face attention man I'm sorry man I thought you were gonna catch a rhythm s [ __ ] look like a rainbow in the crosswalk on the remote got that Ricky Ricardo the only thing I can see is goatee you can see that [ __ ] looks like the biggest bum doctor facebook.com the weightlifting game called us the spiders [Applause] didn't cover the smells huh hey he from high blood pressure I'll get up for the Furious fetus I ain't never seen no camouflage pants that tight at the knees hey Dave got a eighth of chocolate in his pocket you guys see our wig on [ __ ] shut your ass up a [ __ ] tweezy got on a unique shirt somebody in the class straight to the hot seat all the way from Sacramento California swagamento y'all give it up but to the movies [Laughter] shut up [ __ ] looking like GI sloppy joke bro you got an endorsement for The Diabetes Association let's come off when the Hat come off Billy jealous outfit on you wash your shoes in the uh car wash that [ __ ] said the jury take the fat away cut his feet off they had to use rubber band hold them goddamn socks up [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] grab a piece of meat then you boil it in some heat and then we got half off of that Grill cause he all gums hey give me another chill for the hell they assume [Laughter] it take two debit cards to feed you dragon God created dopeway with a Wii remote [ __ ] you look like husky the Vampire Slayer you got a whole bunch of Reese's Pieces in your mouth Doughboy leg the same size all the way down to the anchor [Laughter] you're made out of paper you want five two you need to stand on your tiptoes [ __ ] [Laughter] I need to get a pedicure he just got to take their words [Applause] [Laughter] oh boy got up syndrome I think it was raised on bison milk have the glove [Laughter] she is Memphis Tennessee [Laughter] [Applause] let me get one shot little brother that's a girl coat that's Anne Frank coach I gotta bring somebody in the class coming straight to the classroom all the way from Denver Colorado y'all give it up for Tyree Dillon [Applause] [Music] I really like Mr Krabs man from Denver Colorado y'all give it up for Tyree deadline y'all get up for Tyrese [Applause] [ __ ] that shark up man what's your favorite candy Rolo hey you got your shirt from chips ahoying like a hospital gloves like a starfish like a sock with peanut butter I heard he dipped his legs in some barbecue sauce and ate them his goddamn stuff Craig put e and J in his protein shakes up piece of chicken yeah that's what I got told earlier like he survived the Barbarian sacrifice oh do you do you get do you get half off with your lap dances you moisturize your hair with Crisco hey man I better stop [ __ ] with that [ __ ] I heard it was a certified stepper yeah I feel bad cause we got a leg up like a Pac-Man ghosts one thing he never did would jump to a conclusion they got his legs in his backpack hey Tyree have dreams of doing the moonwalk let me hold 100 till I get on my feet [Laughter] stand up for yourself review cigarettes on YouTube Snooty Fox letting the [ __ ] lick his uh gloves [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] I got to send somebody's attention not because he wasn't funny but he was a good sport man I got to send Tyree [Applause] all the way from Los Angeles California yeah I give it up for Ken Marshall [Music] all the way to the hot seat brother right here brother right here you look like a poisonous snake black let me know what you're doing you look like you sneaking the nest like a fat ass guy's got 96 Olympic shoes on what whoa what are you talking about my bad I didn't mean to be facetious [Laughter] your mouth looked like you bit the boom out of a bomb okay [Laughter] [Music] got a fist fight over Oreo you look like a prison cook [ __ ] shut your ass up this [ __ ] work at the Goodwill like the right husband for the struggling wife in the Tyler Perry movie Hospital s [Applause] you like you eat [ __ ] through the maxi pad speaking of messy back coming into class all the way from Mobile Alabama foreign [Applause] [Music] I got 500 teeth in her mouth coming up for Patrick cloud s Technical College okay y'all give it up foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] that hoodie came with two tacos and a job throw her wig in there and catch it with her head [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] you gotta ask like Tommy Lasorda chairs everywhere you got eyebrows like Rodney Dangerfield you got teeth like uh sister Teresa but even my voice so deep she's on three [ __ ] voicemail it's me [ __ ] what's up alcoholic abusive Daddy in the face I see my [ __ ] smell like outside [Applause] smell like a whispering ass Shima built up like Despicable Me [Applause] all the way from Memphis Tennessee Georgia Gotta Give it up for Kelly [Applause] with a nose boy you like it dookie man well you like a short shot McBride shoot your hand nothing like he fit the description he was black [Laughter] man Cato spit earthworms you black [ __ ] close your legs you majorette [Applause] directly in the class all the way from Los Angeles California y'all give it up for Notch dude [Applause] are you standing up God damn [ __ ] look like the Deacon of an evil Church [ __ ] you sleep under a dark cloud every night that shit's chocolate milk on you [Laughter] [Laughter] [Applause] all the way from Los Angeles California man y'all give it up a notch what's up brother how you doing LeBron I'm good all right dog face [ __ ] dog face dog face to come home every night I gotta bring somebody in the class directly into class all the way from Los Angeles California y'all give it up for Chris Sneed heartbeat [ __ ] you gotta leave that Beijing out there man [Applause] what's up brother Carlos H anyone Craig when Craig was young he was in a mulatto game they was called the sour cream Crips [Applause] hold [ __ ] thumbs when he shake their hands I'm not gonna let go Craig built like a retired police officer he got prescription clothes on they made out of growth hormones [Laughter] like a man at the top but legs like his grandma your titties hold up hold up hold up hold up we gonna switch one female to the next female come into that Billy [Applause] get the [ __ ] out of here surround [ __ ] [Laughter] man you got motions in your beard through a leather coat shut your stupid ass up stop pointing three fingers I don't like the way you point three fingers at me you use those on a man last night ass fingers and if you look a little bit closer you can see this fetus face [Laughter] [Laughter] [Applause] stop [ __ ] shut up you thought it meanticulous twice [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Laughter] only been doing is just laughing and smiling yeah [Applause] my flight got delayed foreign [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Applause] all you [ __ ] man your ass going down the bus crash in his mouth [Laughter] real quick bring somebody to the house from Los Angeles California y'all give it up for Brent Taylor man yeah they got to get a boost him and holler at his girl I'll try to get out you look like that [ __ ] look like cookie home hanging like he do stucco on weekends Washington yeah all right hey we're going to the doctor they got toys in the waiting room in his legs hey Chris Ohio in that studio you know it's gonna bleed all right here next time I gotta bring somebody directly in the in the class all the way from Sacramento California y'all give it up hey boy I got the blood pressure socks on today Candyman Candyman got a [ __ ] named four times you get a free lunch don't worry got four carat gold on [Laughter] um Subway sucked the wet spot out of a bowling ball no boy got real teeth and fake guns and that boy dope got a mouthful of chow chow teeth really keep a spare dildo in his glove box all right attention you'll see him soon under the 405.00 [ __ ] man looked like Halle Berry and Losing Isaiah directly in the class all the way from Denver Colorado y'all give it up for Tyree Dillon Tyree Dillon don't bring them back this way bro can we get lotion to the set all right Billy wanna gristle meat at the bottom we're gonna try to sit on your lap and say drive me sorry I said when Billy sneeze glitter come out that was season two give me another one oh season two with his hair look like it snap on like a Lego piece throwing up the pizza [Laughter] I like my pancake with serps and they got a DUI driving home from the bar why this [ __ ] keep scooting up and scooting back like it's Gonna Change no boy ain't got a gold grill in that's Captain crunching his teeth white people [Laughter] [Laughter] booby shooting heroin with a Gucci belt move out too we forgot about anything hold that thought man I gotta bring somebody in the class man all the way from Los Angeles California yeah I give it up for Chris give it up for Christmas [Applause] you close it up next time next time go ahead that [ __ ] wheelchair count his steps Rich can't make no mistakes with the hoes [ __ ] let's be out of there on him no but I smell like barbecue Sage oh [ __ ] like Jackson I was uh [Applause] he look like his cousin Jerry Long hey but why your chain look like a rubber band okay you didn't call your little rails real quick real quick I gotta bring somebody directly in the class man coming back into class all the way from Macon Georgia y'all give it up for David Lucas David Lucas left be back there man pull that seat out there bring that seat back and give it up uh get that seat back we're gonna bring another one back in bring that seat yeah he blew his alternator and then he leaking transmission fluid [Laughter] every time Dave and Luke get a haircut he eat the hair you look like you fascinated with hearing cars crank up [ __ ] hey guys [Laughter] hey boy you got you you got your Club security outfit on tonight he's on this side three before 11. Billy Billy you auditioned for baby girls close your leg your third strap ain't got time your nickname want to put his mouth on your stomach and make fart noises hey that [ __ ] Craig got a creatine fetish [ __ ] shut your ass up hey David Luke is fighting the world hunger wide clef John wow they didn't go to other people's house and pray over their food subscribe and follow us and we are out [Music]

Channel: All Def

Views: 2,137,629

Keywords: All Def, All def, alldef, all def digital, add, dad jokes, funny, jokes, comedy, comedian, you laugh, you lose, Roast Me, roast me season 5, patrick cloud, boo kapone, kraig smith, roasting, comedy roast

Id: tNsUbBlWYJU

Length: 36min 9sec (2169 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 22 2022