Roast Me | Season 5 Episode 10 | Featuring Corey Holcomb | All Def

this gotta be said on everything I love this [ __ ] got on a thong it's too late [Applause] [Laughter] God made me leave my phones back there boy thank you welcome to Ross meeting committee show where we see who can somebody High seat against the panel of the world's top Roasters I'm your host Brandon Lewis y'all give it up for the squad [Applause] I see Rent-A-Center came for your beard [ __ ] in Spanish [Laughter] [Applause] we don't have a couple quick rules rule number one everybody will get a chance to send this and rule number two you will be sent to detention if you're saying bad jokes not being funny or just killing the vibe and rule number three the last rule if you lose your tooth yeah you play smooth jazz with your mouth no instruments it's Brandon dressed like he do Clan rallies I had to earn them foreign [Laughter] all your tattoos [Laughter] boo you checking to the hospital to have a place to stay if boo is a boxer he'd be my homeless Ali every time he take a [ __ ] use trash [Laughter] naked pictures of Harry and Thomas keep your wallet in your ass rehab rehab first you miss a [ __ ] [Laughter] [Applause] don't swing every time [Applause] [Music] they say every time you go to um your family's events they start beating you with a [Laughter] sticky let me ask you a question before or after you [ __ ] you because every time we come in here tell a joke you so fat every time you lay down the world gets bigger if it was a rapper your name would be bum B hey look you look like I clean my dudes your bar face on a weaning time no one time you're drunk [ __ ] you got buttons on your ears but you ain't got no silverware you eat cereal with your hands milk be everywhere you go to people houses they got fish tanks you join in [ __ ] that's super powers he can smell worse just like that y'all look like a bookish bookie you sleep on a fishing Wharf you sleep on a diving board [Laughter] [Applause] come in the class all the way from Chicago Illinois y'all give it up for the legendary Mr Corey Holcomb [Applause] I mean you can stop firefighters what's going on [ __ ] after you get through eating you don't burp you do a bump Corey look like he crimping for cancer Atlanta Trap House action figures hey this [ __ ] built like the word Hickory and Corey looked like a sea otter playing a man that [ __ ] Aries Spears dress him he looked like he'd be uh DM and Tyler Perry yeah [Laughter] I gotta bring somebody in the class that's your real voice in the class all the way from Little Rock Arkansas yeah I'll give it up for Marcus Darkness like James Brown everybody [Laughter] he can fix it but you got to leave with him for two reasons [Laughter] on power [Laughter] Hot Seat put a hot seat all the way from Sacramento can you give it up for Anthony dope boy [Applause] I'm in here man you know the Vibes wait wait wait [ __ ] that stool said no that [ __ ] dope boy looked like a stingray when he jumped in the pool your teeth feel like cracked eggshells shut up your favorite movie is short circuit all your gym shorts stink the Hat came with a harmonica and [ __ ] people like fish tanks you look like that nigga's nephew your favorite animal is a gummingbird every time Doughboy go to the groceries they bat you you high right now you look like balled up clothes up there dog gummy worm your knees called a landlord on your hips no more so wine if you Google blow more meat into it don't worry your teeth is tired [Music] you're giving up a crack yes Corey Holcomb tattoo [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] after your uh forklift license expired your life fell apart every time you go to prison every time you go to prison they call you banana man you nice to the gay dudes when other people ain't around his favorite soda is mellow yellow you in basketball league [Laughter] clothes look real good on you you look like boiled eggs show them you could do a split in that outfit that [ __ ] Craig got a creatine finish face [Laughter] it has a black [ __ ] with a purple tongue shut up black goldfish my daddy watched my daddy watch Craig look like a boat salesman y'all need to put a little Jamaican Doughboy's tired because he didn't get enough eat last night Craig get that manager Advanced Pro Shop ass outfit [Laughter] [Applause] like a lab rat with a hat on Craig's got an old bench press in his front yard that [ __ ] skin tone is Band-Aid he ain't dressed like he only bringing drinks to the cookout ain't none of your rubber's been all the way unfolded [Laughter] choose they can play left tackle for the Honey Baked hands hey David every time you cough you keep dwindling in kindergarten who got raped by a porno stars Sammy Davis Jr autograph you take Nyquil only your fingers fall asleep hey hey hey brick your mama had to sign a permission to look for you to do roast me know me stop dissing people [Laughter] shut your heavy fake heavyweight if your socks can talk they'll say girl [Laughter] the reason why your jeans is cut because they gotta feed you how they gotta do what they gotta do this [ __ ] stop cool he's gonna do it you're gonna dance [Applause] 50. [Applause] [Laughter] hello [Applause] you 290 a dog all you do is throw your titties out congratulations [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] he's comfortable outside you're playing the hole in the wall in the face [Applause] [Laughter] and your favorite cartoon is [Laughter] Craig Craig got raped when he was 31. 00 your favorite album is It's Dark and Hell is Hot Boy you're fast you're fast your thighs grow together [Laughter] but the bottom of your body though of course I know you ain't talking [ __ ] looking like Gerald Levert she did good morning [Music] here it is [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] it's too late [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] in the class is about the class come into class all the way to come to California y'all give it up for eight this nigga's [ __ ] name is Bluetooth Adam for the time off today you need a bigger face or smaller teeth anything like a good looking you know [Laughter] whenever Andy get to work he let Adam blow in his ear for Adam's Daddy laughs Here Comes T reels [Laughter] [Applause] to his house thank you you're the only one I can see right now [Music] [Applause] [Applause] every time Royal Rumble yeah [Laughter] Bigelow when it went dark I can still see A.D smile it's like the Cheshire Cat you're all gums this is out of here [Laughter] at least Corey again here you could be yourself now [Applause] I spoke my mind since I met Corey oh my God yes yes [Laughter] [ __ ] we going up there hey boo is wanted for State robberies moving like a pregnant person [Laughter] [Laughter] [Applause] you would never talk after white people white people [Applause] don't talk he'd be quiet hey boy if Head and Shoulders was a [ __ ] you shut your titty uh you see you gotta climb up to get on the gym talking about [ __ ] you know I love you and you were the Hall of Fame and lost boy talk show bum ass up listen you're a dirty little [ __ ] your nickname is [Laughter] two garbage bags [Laughter] when you go to the restaurant you check in two garbage bags [Music] you a star [ __ ] that's the only [ __ ] young [ __ ] they cried when they asked him to read I ain't got my books [Music] hold on I'm gonna get back together [Applause] [Laughter] make a point he put his hands like this hey hey join the Army facial hair [ __ ] no why you got that job corn beer trainer you've been shopping at a witchcraft jewelry store that [ __ ] Daddy is the Headless Horseman you don't look like we'll be good burger [Applause] and got property damage we're supposed to have my back man hey yo boy he's sponsored by a pants company called with your whole head that took too long with your catfish a little bitty grown man big man little body little grown man uh you get your oldest daycare is a fish talk in SpongeBob [Applause] your teeth made out of elephant tusks your face start on Satan hey Craig you wouldn't like you out of work plumber out of work hey you look like you race Aquaman foreign [Laughter] boy you lost three dreads getting hit from the back [Applause] Gotham City was based on your scout masturbate to Eric Benet he's such a mess you smell like Egyptians you the only [ __ ] crosses legs and beat his meat and your mouth looked like a piranha hey black Ryan you can you protect oil the same [ __ ] they painted that chair with they painted your shoes who smell like a different version of piss everything conference yeah a week you show up to a dead body a soap has you blocked on social media [Applause] [Laughter] [Laughter] get it back oh [Applause] conductor [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] that's the [ __ ] who seeks you at PF Chang [Laughter] the flame for that outfit Gloria Craig shot for the same store for The Outfits like he about to take a young [ __ ] to the beach around [Laughter] here your daddy know we're doing this right every time Dave every time Dave left you wiggled but I just want everybody to know that hey it ain't gotta be on TV but what he laughing with elbow hey hey black Ron you Shady hey [Laughter] little you ain't got to wear a little change [Laughter] Corey built like he coached coaches he's looking like Jackie Robinson on his day off that [ __ ] Corey outfit come with Fat Albert theme music when you came here [Laughter] I mean it's you I would be quiet if I was old as you I'd be sleeping at the cemetery Tasmanian devil but no matter what you say Ron ain't never stepped in the light [Laughter] that's money in a saxophone but I bet Craig won't take that hat off [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] all right reported like a Negro League mentor ing on Patrick Ewing these [Laughter] Craig got on dress socks with that outfit [Laughter] and his family to pursue a blues career I know here's some good harmonics Corey about to host some gay Crips hey you're standing up and still sitting down I was about to send one of y'all [ __ ] this [ __ ] up bro who got date raped by a civil rights leader your lips look like elbow skin hey you gave Morris his chestnuts boy you look like you got dressed In the Heat of the Night hey Corey look like you listen to Jazz under a flickering light you sound educated you got into a scuffle with Langston Hughes you fatter than me Craig go and hang out at pool halls and flick Nichols Corey was around before rock and roll I like blue you ain't got no arm here like he beat up [ __ ] with boats oh boy California his favorite meal the Strawberry Shortcake all his homies at the jungle gym hey don't judge me for my shortcomings a [ __ ] wake up every morning and have a Flintstone vitamin look at that [ __ ] be invisible with all doggy style with [ __ ] [Laughter] [Applause] hey bring your baby mama give you Benadryl to put you to sleep [Applause] you need to run and start to answer the door Dave is sponsored by Laurie's hey looks like your friend had to get a permission enough time to be here oh that's crazy that's crazy that [ __ ] like the crust cut off everything your brain got to be burped after he smoke a blunt listen to your full night's sleep on a love seat hey David smoked just to get high cholesterol hey Brent got little boy memories from last week first time printing some [ __ ] he was in a high chair your feet don't fit in the water at the pedicure [ __ ] you look like you've been doing bowl cuts for 20 years [Laughter] that [ __ ] got drowned in a puddle Corey looked like the hair click at a soup kitchen a grown man put a pamper on you dog hey you still got to be quiet before your mama bring your lunch here comes the Craig joke hey boo what hey what they say this is go ahead be a [ __ ] go ahead and bring better this [ __ ] hey you're so white they listening every time I take your freedom you old ass [ __ ] you're not listening to Brandon boo dance shut up yellow [ __ ] dance every time no let me laugh every time you and black lives together you're driving hey [ __ ] you went All-Star in the Negro League you didn't catch that he said every time y'all together you're driving [Laughter] hey don't try to make his joke better because that's your daddy ugly ass [ __ ] don't [ __ ] everybody we on Brandon now [Applause] cause you black hey it's because you ugly no it's not just you oh it's because you were homeless you smell like every time a person's taking [ __ ] they think it's [ __ ] you smell like three Peppers mushed together right now you're homeless hello white woman you're homeless in your dreams you dream about being homeless you ain't got nowhere to go when you fall asleep daughter [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] look at that you're the only thing I know oh [Laughter] [Applause] it was [ __ ] up remember Wally Gator yeah hey David dude David do the song please watch you put it on the pipe yeah straight up about the lab full of fries [Applause] [Laughter] oh my God [Laughter] [Laughter] Hocus Pocus [ __ ] [Laughter] you look like a guinea pig made out of porcelain toilet seats hey you balance your breakfast on your nose who's the good boy what's a good boy hey you like you put the Ninja Turtles on the hood hey your crib name is blue nose you said some fat Reggie Jackson looking ass up watch grew up in a pet store hey I think I had to let you out this mornings I wanted them upside down bottles that [ __ ] watched print walked on his wee-wee pad keep blowing up here [Applause] [Laughter] there's an exercise thank you if you go like this him [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] hey if you hug him too hard [Music] [Music] [Applause] in the class all the way from Dallas Texas by the way of New Orleans for Austin [Applause] Bryson tiller [Laughter] tongue y'all give me some MC ring bodyguard you know like Real Husbands in Compton [ __ ] you're stupid I bought a pie I bought a pot and some water for them hot link ass lips of yours Craig and go to [ __ ] Marshalls and go straight to the barbecue section see me straight to the barbecue section you survived who's on the chance of love [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] in your pocket right now you don't trust [ __ ] that ain't tickled you guys that nigga's about to go skydiving and change his mind back to this he was going deep sea diving and changed your mind that he was dressed like he went to r b school when [ __ ] [ __ ] you you get mad when they pull out no I want all this love your goddamn Circle hey Brandon your back smell like another [ __ ] cologne hey yo yo doofy is blind man that [ __ ] that [ __ ] talked like he in a relationship with Jenga line you talking about you in a relationship your ass got a cinnamon roll recipe oh sweet ass [ __ ] you look like you still call [ __ ] cat [Laughter] that [ __ ] look like a gay poisonous snake hey when Brandon bought his Rose he was in the bed like I'm coming [Laughter] get your ass out of here do a car wash you dirty [ __ ] a baby shower you got baby shower clothes hey they put bleach in your RV to clean your system your elbows like this wicked people yo draws murkier than black run yeah look at that you'll die without second hand smoke before I make you take a shower [ __ ] you will get Meals on Wheels if you had an address shut your ass up all your thoughts Go songs [Laughter] maggots want to be you when they grow up hey boom in the night yeah [Applause] what type of monkey is he right here what type of monkey but for Louise don't give me no bad news [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hey Stray Cats text me like hey you seeing booted like this y'all get up for just enough hey Skip you yeah [Laughter] [Laughter] you do this for the white people [Laughter] hey somebody throw a bag of cocaine in detention bro you burned your diary because your life ain't interesting [Music] [Applause] the right way [Music]

Channel: All Def

Views: 1,560,573

Keywords: All Def, All def, alldef, all def digital, add

Id: 7IBvcVypkFU

Length: 63min 17sec (3797 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 04 2023