r/Murderedbywords | crazy little man

girls want to be talking about period pains have you ever rolled your ankle over like this i'm sorry is there any other way to roll your ankle over oh so glad girls don't have ankles yes they just have stumps and they wonder why we boys like elephants so much good day you fleshy android welcome back to mk it's your boy jack here for more some things it's your boy jack here to do some more content for you today we're going to murder by words yes i'm the best to play cludo with i literally admit to the murder and how i did it imagine moving to montana and being able to enjoy the scenery the peace and the communities starting to live a different more calm way of living it's great i'm sure of it but oh bad times ahead now imagine living in montana your whole life not only taking in but exploring the deepest lakes widest rivers and longest trails where the palms of our hands are the road maps to our adventure one day we watched the houses almost double in price the city expand rapidly and our state being taken over i need a moment where it's hard for lifelong residents to find housing let alone affordable housing if you wonder why you here montanans hate californians go back home etc take a look around you wouldn't you be protective over your state if it looked like this oh man can't think of anyone who who'd be experiencing that kind of hardship that's oh that's so sad now imagine you're a native american as you mean those ones trying to steal our jobs no no i'm tommy laron i decided to dress up as the person who scares me most the democratic dimwit darling socialist loving freedom-hating former bartender herself i forgot her name uh alexandra ooh cortez aoc graduated magna [ __ ] laude from boston university and won her election in a landslide you barely graduated college got fired from two jobs and talked to a mirror for attention i understand your fear this is the same lady who criticized a basketballer for having his opinion on politics too like saying he should stick to his lane and what he knows i'm seeing a lot of hypocrisy here the last time saturn stationed retrograde in the 21st degree 20 degrees of patrick gone pronounce that perfectly don't know what you're talking about was in 1666 the year of the great fire of london saturn is now in the same degree and will station retrograde there on april 29 2019 and tragically we have a fire at notre i always knew it was better than science hi actual astronomer here three things one saturn isn't in paprika now or on april 29 it's in sagittarius two the last time saturn was stationed retrograde in capricorn was 1992 not 1666 and just to beat you down for further measure three astrology doesn't work stop trying to pollute this horrible tragedy with nonsense how else am i meant to gain clout or social and monetary gain from this tragedy if i don't try and relate this horrible issue to my own personal beliefs and opinions on things then you're implying that i should just sit back and accept it as a horrible thing that's happened and not try and make it all about me honestly that's just it's so selfish of you to try and shut me down like that how come some people not want these i know who could not want some nice bedding because i don't see a cute play thing when i see a baby i see a huge responsibility a responsibility enough that it will consume years of my life it's not a puppy or a kitten that can survive in the house on its own you literally need to be present with the baby all the time every action is going to factor into growing and shaping the destiny of that baby the world is going to poop because we all have issues which can be traced back to our parents hey that's you being a parent is the most important job on the planet so stop giving birth to babies because they are cute you are ruining the justin bieber and the world we live in okay uh how is this not satire i don't know what this is but i'm seeing ben shapiro holding a blank of wood in a shopping bag now i'm not a smart man but if he's on the internet right now it must be because he's complaining about something i've bought a lot of wood in my day i have never had a cashier at any hardware store or lumber yard put a board in a bag ever what's worse is most have self-checkout now so i'm assuming he bagged his own wood did he know is it awful that i just thought maybe if his dad had bagged his wood we wouldn't have to deal with him you know sometimes i wonder if these people purposely set themselves up because they enjoy being publicly shamed ben ben what is that nipple doing why is it getting hard ben stop it stop giving her stuff to make fun of you with i can see you enjoying it america was not started by protesting and normally i don't weigh in since my friends see my comments and it's embarrassing but does the term boston tea party ring a bell no it does not because t is for british people and i'm american yeah [Music] i want a girlfriend man i'm pushing 30. never had one chase their money and dream man a girl will come along eventually oh that's nice with all due respect i'm not trying to be like you bro oh ooby too he does not want to be like you he doesn't want to walk like you talk like you too i can see why disney didn't make that a musical number whoever said one person can't change the world never ate an undercooked bat okay hang on is that too soon i mean it's it's only been a year if only covert had the same trajectory as your career ah i know right hang on they saying prince philip took the vaccine two weeks before he died unexpectedly yeah i'm good on that you all have fun oh yeah they're also saying he ate food the day he died unexpectedly be careful out there man oh man that the food industries and those medical peoples man if you're if you're not doing the living stuffs then that means they get a lot of money somehow instead of you know keeping you alive that hmm nah now everyone wants to be unliving that's the demand that they're trying to provide okay but to be fair a lot of the time millennials humor is basically talking about how they would love to be anything but living with the life right now so i mean maybe they're just trying to adhere to public demand that's right don't blame corporations for conspiracy to end your life blame yourself it's all your fault have fun thinking about that sorry tangent moving on oh my gosh mars you look so dirty why do we care about mars when it can't even have a decent magnetosphere or an atmosphere that holds onto water waste of resources while we waste our home hi neil degrasse tyson here here's a brief conversation from 30 000 years ago i want to explore what's beyond the cave door oh no you can't leave we must first solve our cave problems objection your honor either neil degrasse tyson has a time machine or he is just making stuff up mr tyson do you in fact have a time machine yes we are not all equal i worked very hard my entire life to get what i have most of the people i know have too i deserve where i am in life i will not give up what i have earned so that someone who has not can feel equal nor will i assume their debt i have had to pay my debt i insist everyone else be held to the same standard what a nice passionate man who cares about other people's struggles and definitely understands them hey dad uh aren't you in child support debt i'm not pro-life or pro-choice i'm pro-education teach people about birth control cycles the impact a child have and teach about the pros and cons of having a baby and abortion neither is easy let women decide but at least make it an informed choice that's pro-choice dumbass how did you not realize that the moment you said choice christchurch mosque studio was badly picked on as a child because he was chubby so he turned to violent video games sparking a downward spiral of course that's the one thing about them they relate to triggering this dark behavior of theirs raise your hand if someone calls you fat and you never turn to white supremacy and murdered 50 people over it okay seriously why am i the only one raising my hand the term obese is a slur violent dehumanizing and it's anti-black oh my goodness i i'm so sorry okay i'll just say big chunkers from now on if you're irish and you complain about britain erasing culture but can't even speak the language or don't know stuff about ireland before 1910 then just shut your cake all nobody cares them being irish and not being able to speak the language or not knowing stuff about ireland before 1910 is a direct result of britain erasing culture you goddamn vitamin d deficient circus clown maybe you should accept that you're a product of the multicultural experiment inflicted on the british people without their consent but you're the type to accuse someone of playing the victim aren't you maybe you should accept that we are here because the british colonize a quarter of the planet often without consent we wish to spread our colony to all of you so you may bask in our fellow empire wait what do you no don't come over to our part of the colony that's out no mommy such a heartwarming story with his handmade keychains that go for five dollars each this eight-year-old boy raised four thousand and fifteen dollars to erase the lunch debt of students from his school and six others wonderful we've just highlighted the fact that an eight-year-old does months of manual labor so his friends who are children can afford to eat without going into debt awesomely horrifying how is it acceptable and okay for black people to think white lives don't matter saying black lives matter doesn't mean white lives don't matter this is a post from 2021 why are we still having to clarify this that makes as much sense as saying save the whales means dolphins can go and get fret do you understand how stupid that makes you sound so you're saying that dolphins shouldn't be allowed to get to their booty clapped no i look i i'm not gonna join a conversation when we argue about the legitimate fortification of dolphins ah that's right your typical snowflake you just can't handle the hard questions can you i'll do it i'd prick the dolphins paul steve you are irrelevant and your comments are flaccid instead of complaining all the time try shaking off laziness and take action but for you that would take drive and initiative lack of skills and motivation are your legacy hi karen yes if there's one thing that's obvious about me it is my clear lack of motivation as well as education and jealousy please continue with impotent babbling okay i apologize for my lack of education in american historical matters all i have is this measly diploma from columbia university where i was an honors level american history major please teach me a black race don't need fathers like this i said what i said let this man raise his kids and you worry about why your son is 15 and read to the third grade level i'm proud to be american because at least i know i'm free europeans oh guess i'm enslaved then one sec i'm gonna go check if the moon has any other flags on it call me when your moon flag pays your hospital bills oh we wake up a croissant why aren't germans patriotic hi i'm i'm not even going to attempt to pronounce this name i'm german germans are patriotic in america you show patriotism by attaching a full-size u.s flag on your pickup truck or confederate flag for alternative patriotism nice singing the anthem before every baseball game and sending 18 year olds to iraq so you can later thank them for their service when they roll by you in their wheelchair in walmart in germany we show patriotism by voting for higher taxes on ourselves to make health care and college tuition universally accessible to our less fortunate fellow citizens and by picking up after one another to keep public spaces clean and nice for everyone but don't know i guess it gets lost in translation glenn danzig says the misfits and the punk explosion couldn't happen today due to ghosts or goats a queer rapper did a lap dance for satan like two weeks ago glenn what the freak are crab cakes cakes and stay with me on this one with crab in them y'all americans got hella audacity assuming you're at the center of the universe and everyone adheres and is well acquainted with your food and customs this is not the first time on this group that i inquire about american based cuisine and y'all mouth off like everyone's ignorant and stupid for not knowing whatever the frick you people call food why the frick would you classify a seafood based dish as cake cakes are sweet and don't have claws so it's fair for anyone who isn't within walking distance of a school shooting to ask this oh my god jesus funky dancing disco fever christ behave like you're a fraction of the world and not the whole thing hey don't resist arrest um this coming from the same person who thinks we need guns to overthrow a tyrannical government well you see it's okay to resist arrest if you're trying to overthrow the corrupt actions of a government the human activity of writing expressing language with symbols and marks was independently invented thousands of years ago by people in mesopotamia egypt cheney southern mexico and guatemala today their hard work finally paid off really wish i could stop farting out my butt ah yes human evolution is wonderful you know the more wise somebody has in their hay the more interested they are in you so with that being said hey hey recommendations for good headphones i'm looking for good on-ear headphones with the price range of two thousand to three thousand pounds preferably wireless um there is no need to buy headphones you can listen to the sounds of birds and nature to feel the bliss of life without wearing any artificial devices on your ear created by man geez where did this come from there is no need to be online you can go freak yourself to the sounds of birds and nature to feel the bliss of life without using any artificial device to poop and come in another's post my 15 year old daughter said hell so i took away her phone for three months what else should i do what else you should do how about apologize for overreacting and give the kid her phone back taking away her phone for three months because she used the word hell is a little extreme and what's even worse is that you think the ridiculous three-month punishment you've already given her is not enough i mean i mean it blows my mind that you're still looking for ways to try and punish her over a word you need to pull your head out of your booty and see what kind of damage your ridiculous behavior is causing to your relationship with your daughter you should take a step back and be thankful that you have such a great teenager if the worst she does is say the word hell at 15 you have a good kid lay off the poor girl it's your terrible behavior and being up her booty for ridiculous reasons that will make her resent you and try to hide things from you hey girlie i've been following your profile for a while and i must say you are gorgeous one girl to another though oh wait this is a girl okay some of the selfies you've posted are looking kinda different from the others um all that food you post looks tasty as frick but not so tasty on the hips but i can help you shed those extra five to ten pounds and get you beach ready what it happens to the best of us um okay please circle where i need to lose weight you do mind and i'll do yours oh dear god it's like those where's waldo books all over again i just i can't find it i can't find the fat to circle wow rude i thought i'd message you to help but you're just the derogative term that i should really be using on myself i'm a busy mom i don't have time to live at the gym like you and there's the honesty that there's the reason why she was making this post also hold up how come you were just suggesting to help them lose weight if you yourself don't even have the time to go to the gym and how the hell do you expect to make clients if you just degrade and insult them first re-evaluate your marketing strategy okay you fantastical fart bags time for some more fan art bags uh what shut up it makes sense today's works by malden noob 9. yes i pronounced that right they finished their fan art took way longer than expected for them and they hope it gets featured come well since you did that italian finger posing thing nicely i guess we can do so here it is very adorable they're not sure if it's what it is there's a existing being i'm thinking like a fawn maybe uh it's a thing either way it's cute i do like it it is cute thank you for the beautiful work there mulder noob nine or void kid you were you didn't steal this did you because that would be real bad remember if you'd like to see your fan art in the next video always be sure to post your work in the mk subreddit but for now that is the end of this today's shenanigans so i hope you had some fun folks hope you had a good one if you did like this video and hey check you subscribe too because you sometimes you might not be and if you don't then i will come for you i know where your favorite stuffed animal is i will come for them and i will take them away so make sure you're always aware of the daily good stuff otherwise my name has been jack you have been lovely as always and i look forward to seeing you again soon bye

Channel: EmKay

Views: 545,214

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Murderedbywords

Id: LCSldVuUSJo

Length: 17min 41sec (1061 seconds)

Published: Sat May 22 2021