Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes 2016 - All of his bits chained

live from the star-filled international ballroom of the Beverly Hilton Hotel welcome to the 73rd annual Golden Globe Awards and now your host for the evening ladies and gentlemen Ricky Gervais sure shut up you disgusting pill-popping sexual deviants come I want to do this monologue and then go into hiding okay not even Sean Penn will find me snitch hello and welcome to the 73rd annual Golden Globe Awards live from the Beverly Hilton hotel with all these rich beautiful celebrities having the time of their lives let's hope no one spoils that yeah relax I'm going to try and be nice your global mega stars with amazing talent most of you a few of you just married well you know who you are we all do we all do we're live on NBC and it's right the NBC hosts this award show because they're the only network who are truly fair and impartial and that's because they're the only network with zero nominations so nothing in it for them tonight they don't care who they don't care obviously but as I say I'm going to be nice tonight I've changed not as much as Bruce Jenner obviously now Caitlyn Jenner of course what a year she's had she became a role model for trans people everywhere showing great bravery in breaking down barriers in destroying stereotypes she didn't do a lot for women drivers you can't have everything can you not at the same time anyway so I am going to be nice tonight and I'll tell you why the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press just told me if I say anything offensive or crass or resort to innuendo he is going to come out here and personally pull me off so that's an offer I couldn't refuse yes yes that is the level an old man pulling me off again at least jeffrey tambor didn't address what a year he's had oh what an actor what a role it no it's everyday he has to put on all that women's clothes and the hair and makeup and let people film it that takes balls so I don't know how he does it I really don't I've seen these balls they're huge and long I thought if he tucked him in the bra does I think when you push him out the back and let him hang out like a bulldog no one knows I love Jeffrey Tambor I don't know if that's because he's such a great actor or because he reminds me of my nan one Hollywood publication said that me hosting would mean that some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of as if film stars a stay away from the chance of winning a golden glow' particularly their film company has already paid for it so what's happened this last year in this crazy business we called show the excellent spotlight has been nominated yeah the the Catholic Church are furious about the film as it exposes the fact that 5% of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment Roman Polanski called it the best date movie ever Jennifer Lawrence made the news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood and she received yet overwhelming support from people everywhere there were marches on the street with nurses and factory workers saying how the how can a 25 year old live on 52 million this is but there were plumbers around the world going poor girl UN's over rocky now so but joking aside of course women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job and I'd like to say now that I'm getting paid exactly the same as Tina and Amy did last year posed me now I know there was two of them but it's not my fault if they want to share the money is it that's their stupid Bowl it's funny because it's true the Hollywood Foreign Press deemed the Martian a comedy and even nominated it and hence Matt Damon is here tonight so that worked a treat to be fair the Martian was a lot funnier than pixels but then again so was Schindler's List it's just a film all female remakes are the big thing there's a female remake of ghostbusters there's gonna be a female remake of Ocean's eleven and this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and they don't have to spend too much money on the cast so shut up I don't care listen if you do win tonight remember that no one cares about that award as much as you do okay don't get emotional it's embarrassing okay that award is no offense worthless it's a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you okay that's all it is I've got three I've got three Golden Globes myself so I can set ones a doorstop one I use to hit burglars with and when I keep by the bed two doesn't now why it's mine it's mine it's mine I won it fair and square it's just the right shape and size it's nothing yeah so to be clear that was a joke about me shoving golden globes that I've won up my ass and they asked me to host four times let's do the show shall we on a serious note the Golden Globes are about excellence to win one you have to do something amazing neither of our first two presenters have won a Golden Globe I don't know what they're doing here really I don't choose the guest please welcome the fantastic Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill welcome back the golden globes doesn't have an in memoriam section to get you all depressed instead we let the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press say a few words please welcome Lorenzo Soria is the star of the hilarious comedy the Martian oh I nearly died right he's also the only person who Ben Affleck hasn't been unfaithful to please welcome Matt Damon thank you yeah it was a pleasure to work with Eva Longoria and America Ferrera aren't just beautiful talented actresses there are also two people who your future President Donald Trump can't wait to deport please welcome Eva Longoria and America Ferrera welcome back joy and trainwreck no not the names of Charlie Sheen's two favorite hookers the films of our next two presenters they're best friends by the way they wanted me to tell you that and if you forget they said they they'd tweet you and remarked basically that they're come round and shout it through their best friend it's like they've never had a friend before please welcome Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence oh this show is way too long in it it's way too new this could be half an hour this one was in the writers strike when they just read the winners and just okay just go through it right unbelievable some people still think this award means something the winners just listen to me listen it doesn't just write when Brad and Angelina see our next two adorable little presenters they're gonna want to adopt them please welcome Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong okay right listen this is Josh just shut up really seriously right a few years ago on this show I made a joke about Mel Gibson getting a bit drunk and saying a few unsavory things we've all done it I wasn't judging him but now I find myself in the awkward position of having to introduce him again listen I'm sure it's embarrassing for both of us okay and I blame NBC for this terrible situation now blames we know Mel burns listen I still feel a bit bad for it right Mel's forgotten all about it apparently that's what drinking does no I want to say somewhat nice about now before he comes out so oh yeah okay here go I'd rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby please Malcolm now Gibson yeah I love seeing Ricki once every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy yeah well if you'd left your drink you don't need to leave your drink here I'll put you to sleep another way son a little bit listen yes can I ask you a question go ahead I think we all wanting after this I don't know that's the guy that said it it wasn't me thanks Ricky for your input okay I filled all of it welcome back to the Golden Globes our next presenter is an actress who is both beautiful and talented born in England she came to America and has taken Hollywood by storm the star of the nominated movie the Danish girl please it's a dude Eddie Redmayne Tom thank you I'm afraid that's it we're out of time from myself and now gibson Shalom

Channel: LyricsOfBestSongs

Views: 13,394,103

Rating: 4.8477268 out of 5

Keywords: Ricky Gervais, Golden Globes 2016, All jokes, Matt Damon, Mel Gibson, Eddie Redmayne, Amy Schumer, Jennifer Lawrence, Kevin Hart, Ken Jeong, Sugar Tits

Id: j71bDdVbjp4

Length: 14min 47sec (887 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 11 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

I think Mel was genuinely pissed of, haha. Absolutely brutal introduction, to be fair. And then the grabbing the beer away from the stand.

No punches pulled by Gervais.

[u/joebxcsnw]

I like how Matt Damon had to compose himself after hearing that Ben Affleck joke right before he came out.

[u/yungcattdamon]

hahaha "I'm afraid that's it, we're all out of time. From me and Mel Gibson, shalom."

[u/logicalnoise]

I was really surprised that he came back. But he said they gave him full freedom on what he could say and he was so terrific. I love that everytime he came up he stressed that none of this matters. SO much so that Jim Carrey's bit felt diminished since Ricky had been saying since the top of the show.

[u/two-thirds]

Ricky's incredulous examination of Eddie Redmayne in the background is perfect.

[u/kessdawg]

Mel Gibson looked so pissed as he did his introduction of Mad Max. I loved it!

[u/swiffleswaffle]

I did read somewhere that the golden globes is a massive drunken party and it is somewhat nice to notice that Ricky doesn't bother to read the autocue in the end and that the crowd of stars just get louder and louder with every introduction.

[u/thebbman]

I want him to host every single Golden Globes from here on out.

[u/aandkh]

Whoever supercut this forgot to add one of my favorite moments of the night. Gervais gets frustrated that the show is still going on says "Kill me now"