Real Talk: A Conversation on Christian Dating (Pt. 2) // Justin Miller, Sam Collier, Brian Welch

[Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] everybody thanks for tuning into real talk this is the show where real faith meets real life and joining me again to talk about Christian dating Sam Collier didn't-didn't Brian Welch yeah all right hey we had a great conversation and if you caught the last episode then you know we needed the second one because we talked a lot about well honestly sex because that's the big that's a big obstacle yeah in dating is we do if you're trying not to do that how do you we're gonna talk about that how do you avoid that what's the accountability God made sex it's good oh but he made it for us to wait for the right person yeah yeah and he also needs us to wait to answer that question because we want to talk about it's good it's okay so and it is and that's true cuz that's the other thing the church does is we make sex kind of a naughty thing instead of yeah no it's good it's worth waiting for all right put a pin in that look we're gonna hit that conversation for sure but practical ways to date cuz that's the thing we didn't have time for when we first started talking about this and I'm trying to help my single friends mingle single ready to mingle boom how do you meet somebody today I mean I met Robin in a bar I don't know that I want to advocate that strategy as you said guys everywhere yeah but I think it was like it was grace yeah I'm not sure I was where I was supposed to be doing what I was supposed to do right all right well I think you gotta hang out you know I think online dating is big right now because social networks ie who were in social yeah and so it couldn't actually be a great thing online dating in terms of if you do it the right way and I think that's the tension are you just on these apps and is it becoming this other thing and how do you transition from I met you on Instagram to and then I need to meet you in real life and then what's creepy what's not creepy you know say you've been creeping on my profile like what are you saying and so you know the whole phrase it goes down in the DM don't you know that's what my son says he's like dad I got I got our instagram ID MTurk well a son I don't I don't want your DMing girl directly so that's it used to be get your digits you know now that do you follow back so I can damn well see if they saw it or not afflicted oh yeah so if they don't respond it's kinda you kinda ditched me oh I don't wanna do that I have rejection issues from my childhood I do that she read it and she's not why don't you reply no that's my hat yeah so so you would say what are some cautions then like if you're dating online what are some of the fall backs to that cuz I think a high percentage of people are meeting online today and I in no way as a pastor want to give an impression that that's bad or not why would that not be okay it can be bad because people are more confident behind a screen than they are sitting in front of you and so that's the big that's the biggest tension well one of the biggest tensions with it because the other one is using your high school photograph when you're 45 years old yes yes oh wow yeah do you smoke cause in your picture wow you've really you've really filled out it's nice to meet you in person well the caution is don't get I would say don't get too bought in until you do a meet up yes that's the biggest I've had nothing but me and I have a daughter and the online dating or whatever you call it has been we have negative experience with it really we talk to us about we well she's she's 19 right my daughter when she named younger she liked the boy online and it just did not go well yeah and then and then I even had some things you know over the years I don't want to get into it cuz that's a whole nother show but I just haven't had I think it's meant to be you can connect on there hey and then say let's go meet somewhere that's what mobile scream yeah or if they live out of town you know get a flight you got to go face-to-face you've got to you but if I'm trying to meet somebody today would you and I'm asking you for advice would you tell me - well why don't you get an online profile with like Christian mingle or one of those websites or would you not suggest that as a first option I probably wouldn't know I mean if it's not working in your city maybe try whatever okay but what would you say cuz I would tell people and I've always told him go to church and get involved and meet people but then they tell me the well everybody's married or okay but serving I definitely was they serve because you need me so yeah I always talk cuz I get this question a lot how do I meet you know from women how do I meet him - hi we should I'm like and my first question in them is were you hanging out are you hanging out at all yeah well no I'm y'all you always at church uh yeah I'm like well you gotta like hang out you gotta go to concerts you got a you know go to positive places you know different environments and and be social to be seen I mean I I like to hunt that's another episode but it's the same thing you're not going you're not gonna get a deer if you're not in a place where deer frequent right there's no way you're gonna shoot a buck if you don't have a trail cam and know that that Bucks been there yeah and then you sit quietly in the stand for a very long time I don't think so it's very similar is that a metaphor we can use dating is like hunting so yeah that just makes sense where do you envision those people would hang out if it's a concert if it's some positive environment a festival game night too big game night and so I would tell every friend group out there especially a Christian print group to do game nights I mean we do we i still do those now and i'm married but we did them a lot then where you would invite different friends because everybody wants socialize everybody want you know sure life is better connected that whole piece so instead of maybe doing a small group but still do a small group right but also do a similar gathering well y'all just having fun invite friends that may not know each other and you meet people that are already pre-screened my okay so what about group dating then do you advise that as i don't even really understand that like what is the meaning of group dating like everybody goes out together you go out in a group and then you pick one at the end of that no honest I've never group dated okay yeah so you the point would be like there's somebody you like but you guys don't go out alone you go out in the context of a group I guess for for greater accountability and to see how they interact with other people also takes a little bit of the sting in awkwardness out of like just that me and you date yeah I would totally advise it okay I think that's a good strategy yeah group dating for sure I my only tension with group dating is make sure you do have some time to get to know each other outside of everybody yeah I wouldn't say necessarily at night at 11 p.m. at the movies but what I would say is maybe a lunch let's go meet up here or you know because it's safe people are around and you can just kind of get to really see if y'all have but like you said vibe they're not you know we bobbing where's a conversation like in cuz you can kind of hide in groups do you think when you're when you're first interested in somebody you jump in or go slow slow definitely slow right slow okay you agree with that yeah you agree with that but that's not that you do I do agree well let me say this you know the question what is the wise thing to do that's the wisest thing to do so let me say those slurs yes of course put it slow though um yeah slow I mean you just get a house together in the movies at least twice no slow in our cars a proven strategy is become Prince I mean that is yes you will never lose becoming friends you'll never lose going slow you never you that is that's wise however what I would say is sometimes you have situations where there's a rhythm that's already happening very true and if the rhythm is already happening you don't want to break the rhythm and if you're with and Brian if you're burning my room Paul said yeah if you burn get married so if there's a rhythm it's not preach that it's almost like I mean you know if son comes Ian's like dad I just don't know if I'm supposed to well your burning Sun is that a line you use with a lady well we had a moment yes why did Obama three people know okay so I think about my son he's 17 years old right he's been in one fairly long-term relationship and just really I know church camp parents keep your kids away from traffic it's a long bus ride and you know again burn inwardly burn you got a long bus ride and then you're talking but he developed a really good friendship and that whole slow thing is so important because I thought they had a great friendship I actually supported young people yes it's it's so important she's like let's just keep the friendship hammer over at the house let's hang out but somewhere in a phone call that I was not on they they didn't have me on the phone calls that they made in text was so conversation that led one or more of them to believe now we're you know we're going steady now at this point like we're together I'm like whoa and for him so in in Noah's mind that's just like are we exclusive well yeah cuz I'm not dating anybody and you're my friend and you're the one I'm hanging out with so I'm not planning to hang out with anybody else but what that means to a young lady that's a big commitment she in her situation and so having to sort of explain that to him like the place you're at now cuz he ended up having to it becomes a difficult breakup at some point sure and and he really hadn't thought through that endgame and I think it's always harder to undo hmm if we go say man that's where this was slow go just wisest move but there are exceptions like my you and Robin feel like y'all caught a rhythm we caught a rhythm grace of God she lived in California I lived in Florida mm-hm so we had a holy rhythm Hey yes with phone calls and letters yeah that's what about text and can you believe that and so Mike was about the Holy rhythm that Holy rhythm was God was like hey y'all two met each other and it was like sparks wow ooh and then like I'm gonna put you all on two separate sides of the continent yeah so that you can sort your stuff out with me but you can also communicate it was unbelievable so walking with the Lord then I mean yeah are you just starting to I meet Robin and she's not a Christian she grew up in the church and just believed God didn't exist she was getting her degree in biology from UCSD she's like you know I'm she liked him so much that she was like okay I'll be Christian no but she I start talking to her about my faith cuz I'm just now coming back to the Lord yeah she said well if you believe this stuff don't you have to live it I'm like whoa don't worry I'm sure don't judge long distance conversations and through letters and I'm revealing my progress spiritually and she's attracted to that and she's interested cuz here's this guy he's in a band he's young he's like I find him attractive you know and he seems to be yet he's following him she did she did yeah that's strange so um so you should he's a question and then I know we got a we got a rapper attraction that that piece I feel is you should be attracted to the person that you wear would you say yes I think so I think so and we're gonna we're gonna take a break and we're gonna come back and talk about why my wife was attracted to me because Brian doesn't understand that so thank you guys joining who is my eyes and my humor you get it huh okay [Music] [Music] everybody welcome back we are talking about Christian dating or we're trying to we're talking about all kinds of stuff but what are some things that need to be in place you just we left off and you grabbed the show from me and just did the thing we were like it's what about attraction because I want to know it's right that's because you said that Robin was really attracted to you and you weren't well sure she was don't think I said that well let you inferred I was highly connected to her highly attract can literally tell you what she was wearing when I first saw her Wow so here's the tension and I did this I met a girl and at one time in my life I was like maybe I'm shallow I'm just shallow you know I mean so let me know firm that right go man maybe it's just about character thank you we'll move past it but as men maybe some and a character nice to just be focus on their character and then halfway through it I said I'm not attracted to her at all yeah I've been there right I've been there let's go all the qualities of proverbs 31 but we have no chemistry or all the chemistry but I'm not attracted physically well that's what I mean yeah I have the magic did it happen to you tell us about you well it's just the one you were talking about kind of like it was the thing where I was immature spiritually and I was like thinking you know cuz I was like God take the wheel jesus take the wheel do everything and then when I thought he was doing something and and and then when I really searched inside I was like I'm not attracted to her hmm and there was other things to do besides physical there's a couple other things but yeah just because if it's if that's not there from the beginning I mean cuz that'll be tested over time we're gonna change we're gonna get older we're gonna make sure get back here at some point or anyway I don't I don't want to answer that okay I don't know I can't see back there not me but others I know yeah man you get a little thick around the middle and things you know so uh that your physical attraction P that's gonna change over time I for ladies if they they end up having children their bodies change so if it's based on like just physical attraction that's a heavy standard to bear right but should you not be a trap I think if you're not in the beginning at some point physically yeah that there isn't this chemistry that like I want to wake up next to that person and kiss them even when they have kitten breath kitten kitten breath is terrible have you ever spoken no it doesn't matter the point is it sounds like you would smell cute you guys have ruined my show I'm just saying like if there's not enough attraction to like cause you to overlook some other things either that's kind of you and just because somebody can exegete you fall in love with the personality yeah the face with the with the body everything and so when you get older that you have that depth of love you know yeah when the bodies you know hey when the body's kind of grow old it's like you know who you fell in love with so you can view there's also Song of Solomon Hey and that guy clearly liked specific attributes about that woman here that weren't related to her sunday-school knowledge right but I love what he's saying about this which is which relates to the Song of Solomon falling in love with all you guys are using your hands a lot this part is a talk yes so attractions a key piece I think what we have is some consensus on attractions an important piece again important because single people want to know that you fell in love with all of your wife right yes see that's very important go back to the physical thing I think it's very it can't just be physical of course no yes that's a big part of the problem is the spectrum is sometimes as Christians we over spiritual eyes dating and it's just like well it's just all about their character and there's no physical attraction yeah then at that point I mean God wants us to reproduce at some point to you know at some point I would like to be you know it's good be fruitful multiply I think they're supposed to be an attraction element he brought each atom in though because I mean just the other day I met someone that so much that's wrong yeah yeah you know because I was you know I was just hanging out with some friends the other day and I'm not looking to date or nothing but I was thinking I was like oh that's a attractive girl you know and I said I so like that I couldn't hear that voice for the rest of my life that's just what you know I'm sorry does that mean it no no you know I'm sure here and there's someone just for you it's just not buying obviously everything all over the voice you gotta like everything but you and you gotta like she's gonna fall in love with you too right there is no perfect woman yes why isn't a girl in this episode that we need a perspective a female perspective all the good ones were I can give you something better okay so women want to be attracted to but you know it's interesting because women will whichever I couldn't lie these conversations women will overlook physical attraction for being taken care of well yeah for and all of that and it's just I'm just joking no she'll overlook not doing chores being somewhat selfish because he's good-looking I think okay yeah that's again she's not here I have to speak for her okay yes no but like sometimes we can get in this you got to be attracted and fall in love with everything but you also have to overlook some things yes the only way to get there's nobody to another human and there's no perfect people right so something is gonna be like and then I've gotta weigh that out like I don't know if it's the voice or if it's the tendency to just eat really unhealthy foods and that's one of my pet peeves you know yeah I mean I've heard a lot of leaders talk about this idea of choosing what what chaos you can deal with yeah because in everyone in every relationship with every and vice-versa there's gonna be something about them you don't like this way about you that they don't like but what about you know which ones can you deal with cuz is there some blacks yes is it like he's already showing you that he's not gonna be faithful and like well I'm just trying to overlook some of those things you don't overlook that right those mills the generators yes but it's like man has laughs a little bit goofy alright so alignment is what I would say attraction has to be there alignment has to be in let visit see anyway but it's fine she likes other qualities about you she loves my actually you have a great laugh thank you you got a great PC se yeah you have a great smile let's move off so alignment like where are we heading together do you guys agree that this is you have to have shared values and vision for the future Robin I had to help us sustain a lot of the things that we weren't necessarily compatible for us like we managed to stay engaged and date it ended up being two years from when we met just all over and not we didn't have sex but because our vision was we really want God in the center thank you thank you okay kiss real talk this is real talk row so this is a question I have when I was dating and if it turned into a marriage thing the fear what if you wait and you get married and and it's not really compatible lovemaking this is a controversial topic it is and I've heard this question before that's a real question or some books that say you shouldn't kiss at all before you get their books to say that no no I for sure and that was popular I don't believe that okay oh my son my son that's his conviction he at least at this point he says I want to save my first real kiss from for my wedding day and I was like that's a high standard I don't know I didn't encourage that and I did I do too and I think no president that's not but I do think to your point if there are boundaries around the kissing so on and so forth that you can kind of understand whether or not you have chemistry on that level as well yes and you can always help for that later because actually sexual dysfunction in marriage is is a big problem there are counselors and people that help us overcome that some of them are perpetuated because of our Christian understanding of sex and again we make it taboo when it's actually good and it's to be enjoyed but uh so I think there but the alignment thing helps with that right when we have shared vision shared values of world like if Robin and I both weren't aligned that we were trying to stay pure until we were married together we would have never made it right because somebody yeah it there's plenty of temptation within that there's got to be boundaries and you have to have those conversations but there's alignment in other areas yeah and I think you know just with the kissing and then I'm gonna jump to have more alignment I think you have to be aligned in that as well I don't mean going crazy yeah well let's just answer that question for somebody how far is too far what should the line be I found on it a second ago because when w you mentioned books that say you can't you shouldn't do that you can't to me it's like it's like your young son is like he's he's coming up with this stuff for himself what he wants to do you know I think it's to each individual's right now I don't think people have should I mean you can invite and give people advice but you know I think people make laws out of convinced right right we're making absolutely I and I remember the guy that wrote I kiss dating goodbye was a big thing when I was a youth pastor and he's actually softened on some of the things he originally wrote yeah you know although there was some great principles in there yeah and uh there the whole purity thing you know having purity commitments and rings that go with that celebration I think that's good cuz we know sex before marriage is not the plan God said that so then how far is too far because there's some things that are knocking right on the door well I think anytime something you're doing leads to lust you probably shouldn't do it I think and I think you know what that is um I don't think you we should be tonguing each other down you know just okay it's not using my filter yes one that one you know what I mean the producer of this show did advise you to not self edit but I think he regrets that now good that you watch your hands you know where you put in your hand this is real time how how long are you going you know I'm saying where are you where are you doing this at because I had a mentor my just honest had a man a spiritual mentor of mine when I was dating a young lady who said you know don't get into any type of romantic type of situation with her in a private area in terms of like at your house or just say maybe you guys on the way home I mean we're out of the movie theater right you're walking to her car maybe there's an exchange and then you leave but in terms of just having her in the house and doing this and y'all hanging on the couch and you know the whole Netflix and chill thing right that is the perfect scenario for something to go too far so watched a lot of movies yeah with people's good point good point and cuddling on the couch and then that's it for today we're out of time hopefully we helped you guys with something I don't know I think we did but I mean really all we're trying to do on realtalk is kick off a conversation it only works if you keep it going at home and whoever you're connecting with online just let them know hey I heard this good conversation it gives us food for thought and some things to talk about but until next time keep it real and just remember that's crazy about you [Music]

Channel: Real Talk

Views: 23,985

Rating: 4.9359145 out of 5

Keywords: Real Talk, Christian Dating, Talk Show, Justin Miller, Sam Collier, Brian Head Welch, Dating, Church, Social Media, What does the bible say about dating, what does jesus say about dating, what does the bible say about sex, korn band, sam, collier, how to date, christian date, how to be a christian and date, real life, brian welch, brian, welch, korn rock band, date

Id: XW0n_VHb9y0

Length: 26min 54sec (1614 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 19 2018