Real Talk: A Conversation On Christian Dating (Pt. 1) // Justin Miller, Sam Collier, Brian Welch

[Music] good [Music] hey everybody welcome to real talk the show where real life meets real faith and with me today are my good friends Sam Collier do do do em Brian Welch are you doing Pete hey hey today we're talking about Christian dating whoo yes this is a good conversation should Christians be dating how should they be dating what are the rules what are the pitfalls and just for the record Brian's already said he didn't want to talk about this so isn't this a face for Christian dating advice right there single ladies text in right now so it is one of those awkward things right because the Bible says that's good for people to be married she was pretty clear about that sure and I am happily married I have been for 20 plus years let's say plus I think it's just twenty point five thank you yes okay lasted two years two years so you know what that's like but but here's the percentages now over half the people in any given church are single it used to be that in church we were preaching yeah seventy-eight percent about two decades ago people were married single your yeah your illustrations are about marriage about family and now half the church is single and they're struggling to figure out the game and it's changed so what are some like rules for Christian dating where you add in some of this stuff I mean I was a youth pastor I have a lot of ideas but well maybe you should go first give us give a first one I don't think people should have sex before they're married I'll throw that out but it turns out everybody is well I mean that step that we were talking about earlier about relevant magazine yeah right just saying that sixty percent it was six single 68 almost in a row of single Christians are not abstinent before they get married right yeah I think that you have me III think that definitely is one you know I think boundaries are big one um which I think I think it's very difficult for the single Christian right now in the church to get some practical solutions around why I need to be abstinent what it actually means without it being super churchy or weird or feeling like you're kind of stuck in a box yeah you know what do you think about that since you're you're my token single guy on the show I'm like Sam got married how long ago oops pity unit yeah yeah yeah I'm like the the the metal monk so I kind of just go and I love to like I love to read and meditate in the Lord and spend time with him and I've been single for 17 years Wow 15 years and I like it you know I was I have dated but I just don't feel like it's for me yeah um at this time in my life the metal monk no that's just how I am and you know I love what you said because to explain it to people about the why and what it means yeah because and in 1st Corinthians 6 it talks about you know Paul Paul is talking to the church 2,000 years ago and look it hasn't changed you know they were going you know getting together and having sex there's prostitutes and right and he's like yes he was like do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit do you not know that your your body is a member of Christ himself he actually says yeah he says do I then take my body and unite it with the prostitute never he goes but he who joins himself with the lord is one spirit with the metal monk is priest you don't say what he says he says you're one spirit with Jesus so he says would you then take Jesus's body and unite we like constitute that's what you're doing and everybody would say that's heresy like yeah that's just what it says you know so you made a decision though I think you need to share this because I guess you would be like the hard rock Tim Tebow because there's only a couple Christians out there that everybody knows that are like living living that life but just almost got down on one knee right there just Tebow right well Tim's a great guy and I've talked to him about this too because that can't be easy and I would think in your situation like literally being a rock star going to shows there are ample opportunities but you made decision that since you're gonna be single and set yourself apart for the Lord that celibacy goes with that yeah here's here it's here's what it is his presence I don't want to lose his presence you know God forgives everything right he's really kind I mean six it's almost 70 percent of the people I guess are having sex we just found out in the church he forgives but at the same time like I'm serious about my faith I'm serious about my relationship with the Lord and I don't tell people what to do but for me I want to I want to have his presence more than I want to have my pleasures you like that you know and so I chose that and I stuck with it I stuck with it yeah and you know I'm not better I'm not holier than anybody else it's just I already had all the world and what it had to offer I just want him now I think that's inspiring for people watching because have okay so you were dating what just a year and a half ago little you were engaged at that point but a couple years ago you were dating it's been a long time for me I haven't dated for a while but but I mean also being a pastor and talking to people one of the number one things I would hear I guess we're basically just talking about sex at this point because what we're talking about dating we need to be talking about this is and we just you know they'll almost always a lot of times even non-christians they're wanting to talk to me about their situation maybe they want to get married they want to get counseling and they kind of automatically just know well we know it's wrong but we've been living together we've been sleeping together and like but like how do you how do you approach that like was that something you struggled with as a human being oh my yes let's go ahead and jump out there because I think that and again you know for me I was I early in my years in leadership early so not yesterday but early in my years it was one of those things while I was still like I struggled yesterday well look I'm married so I don't think it's good I don't think is it called lust if it's for your wife it's not right no okay but early on early on in my leadership career in the church I am I had to reconcile that aspect in my life because you go from being someone that no not a lot of people know - now you're on stages you're single yeah and you're young and women are you know coming but before that that was my that was my biggest thing it was women it was lust it was all you know these things you're a musician - right yeah for a long time I had a couple record deals and so I lived that musician lifestyle and really the thing that broke the if we want to use the word stronghold in a sense or a desire to pursue pleasure over his quote unquote presence yeah I think was understanding why God says there needs to be boundaries and I was one of those guys that had to learn the hard way you know saying I just had to I had to get out there and break a couple hearts and be connected to women in certain ways and it's like well why are you so emotional and for me it was a big learning curve because I just didn't understand really the way women were wired and when you start to understand the way God made them you start understanding why he says hey y'all should wait because there's something in them that changes when you participate in that in that sexual act and if you if you're not ready to take on the responsibility that comes with that which is what marriage does then you're just out here caution you may cause children and really you know the one that gets the brunt or hurt the most is there is the woman and I think that as men they're like when I was younger one of the biggest things I had learned is that women are not like men now I know that was really simple right hey it's like you should have got that and I knew that but I don't think I really knew that because you know as a man we can go okay I like this girl with this girl I'm with this but that's not how women are wired and if I was sold the lie that women were like us and so I started treating them as if they were like us mmm and God just had to really renew my mind and go know you're supposed to be protecting them yeah and so when the realization treating them as sisters yeah I mean when the realization hit me that I was hurting women that I was truly hurting them that's when the things that's when it broke for me to say okay no God I understand why you want me to have boundaries I understand why you want me to be celibate obviously for me in my spiritual condition but also to protect what you've created I love this conversation because it really is about vision and I figured out a long time ago as humans we do what we want to do yeah I mean really like ultimately we can talk a good game and we can go to all the Sunday School classes we want in the end we do what we want to do so we have to want what God offers more than what the world offers we have to want his presence more than our pleasure and a lot of times it's it's because we've experienced the consequences of the one almost all the time yeah that we go I'd rather have that than that like you've experienced the consequences of empty sex and other things right everything bad relationships and everything involved with that like the lust you know the pornographic addiction sure all of it so it's like it was an addiction to me like the drugs were so I kind of stay away from and I want to say I mentioned earlier that I you know I choose to like the metal monk and all that but I still I'm a man you know and I'm at the airport you know so much and there's just like oh you know and I got a not look you know and it's hard somebody's talking about the jeggings these girls are wearing I know why cuz they were in the 80s and then we went kind of baggy for a while and it's like they just they just become regular yeah that wasn't it wasn't that way five ten years ago right no no I just like that like it's not easy but it's also you know there's beautiful women out there but you know I I just I try I try to look at them as sisters [Laughter] I've noticed you have some tights oh my goodness you're right so we've got we it's hard that battle isn't made easier right with all the stumbling blocks they're out there when you make that commitment and like you said the Lord forgives but I have to have a goal a desire a vision for my life and I have to believe ultimately that what God offers me is better than what I think is best because I'll take those shortcuts all the time but when it comes to Christian dating so for me one of the number one things I've always heard is just we couldn't stop or we can't stop you know like we just have this magic thing and so like we don't want to and we've made this commitment but we can't stop and like I think it's good for you just for people to hear your testimony like no you can you can't say no yeah there's there's a brother that's living a celibate single lifestyle honoring Jesus on the road on the road as a rock musician I'm just guessing there would be opportunity yeah I don't know I know as a pastor that doesn't present it so I some pastors it does actually I'm not sure how nobody's getting past my assistant my wife it was crazier back in the 90s so yes yeah it would let's just say that it was more tempting back in the 90s just because it was just more wild now it's more everyone's older and everything we're we're we have families and everything so but um it's still basically you have a ticket to you know people will do things for you that that you know for a rock star that they normally wouldn't do so but that's I know that's always there I just don't have the desire anymore and you know what honestly I can tell you my band members don't either like they're they're married yep and so a couple of them are Christians but they're just like you know what I ruined my first marriage yeah broken home you know with the kids and everything and so I want to do it they got remarried yeah some of them were like 47 48 having new kids still and so they're like oh gotta do it right this time and so they just they stay away from the night after the show they go to bed they're like the night time nothing good happens at night so so we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna when we come back talk about like some good boundaries some good guidelines and how do people meet other Christiane's if they are trying to thank you guys for tuning in be right back [Music] [Music] hey everybody welcome back we're still talking about Christian dating actually we didn't get much into the dating thing right right because we just talked about the okay stop doing that let's let's keep the clothing a little loose but anyway how do you find someone because you know you've made a decision to be single and Paul talks about that and I think that's a very honorable decision other people as Paul would say inwardly burn and should be married and they're looking for somebody and they're trying to have that that holy relationship how do you find somebody if you're Christian almost all my Christian single friends are bugging out because they're like how do I meet somebody women no men okay is it different well I just wanted to see the people that were talking to you okay no it's a big it's a mix it's about right down the middle Whole Foods Whole Foods all right there you go write it down a lot of Christian go to old friends Christian I see Christian women there a lot of the issue with trying to find someone is that what I've learned is what I learned before I got saved about dating was what I needed after I got saved about today in the right way and torrid or just in terms of hitting on or letting a woman knew I was interested sure in her because I think you come into church and it's just like okay everything you did in the world stop right and then you get into church and you're like well know how to talk to a woman like hey babe I was reading numbers and I notice I didn't have yours but women still value charisma they still value you living now that they're attractive you know all of those things and so I think because we go so far left in the church we don't know how to talk to women cuz it's like well I don't know what to say just let's talk and then they're like well my friends on there my night and it just gets into this weird thing because you're like we talked about scriptures all day but I mean are you attracted to me and it's like well I don't know if I can say I'm gonna try to do your friend zone yes because it you date as Christians and you're kind just like what I taught my boys be friends be a great friend to that lady treat her well and then you'll know if it develops but then but then how do you turn the corner mm-hmm no that's a great table don't know how to turn in the corner so then it's like back in my day it was easy you do a big friend date at the movies and you kind of do that stretch arm rest for a little while and then you realize oh to me it's like you you were just gotta go slow man I agree I want more Christians to really understand that God is real he's real and it's not about just going to church and doing that yes the you know what do you call it the actions yes going through the motions the churches telling you that this Jesus is real and that he walked the work he walked the earth 2,000 years ago but he's alive now and he comes and lives inside of you so get to know that first yeah get to know that and then start dating around you know and I just think that people you know the Lord is trying to get them alone that's what we did with me like he pulled me apart yeah set you apart right until like all you have really is is him for a season yeah and you start to get to know how really is and then he'll lead you and in and how to date you know and you can get over here man see so like I went through this period of time where I get my life back right with the Lord as a young adult yeah I had a terrible relationship that was doing all the wrong things right we were built my life was built on this other person it was idolatrous repent and that that relationship dissolved I'm seeking the Lord and it was funny because when I was single in that that era I was repugnant to other humans Wow like I used to have a game and in this season it was like it was almost like the Lord's hand was on me like no you shall not date right now because exactly what you're saying he wanted me to say how long were you single like without wanting to date or you just always wanted to very long I think it was it was about three days no probably not so you're like you're like I'm a Christian now nobody the Christian girl right and I immediately stopped like I knew right away as a young adult coming back to Lord I need to stop like fornicating and drinking like a couple of things that are just obvious you say that to you some people have this like they're living wrong and then all sudden boom and they feel the love of the Lord and they're like oh Jesus it's all about Jesus for so was it like that yeah I had that period and then it was like but I knew okay Lord I'm one of those people that's supposed to get married and I know that and you have somebody so here's my big question does God have somebody for us and should we be waiting for that like what parts God's what parts ours should I be out there because I still like I believe God had Robin for me but I still had to hit on her does that make sense sure I think we do the work I mean I don't know how much I support the one theory but I don't think I support the twenty theory you know what I'm saying or the ten theory maybe the three theory I'm lost in a sense in terms as a special person selective to you that one person it's your soulmate up in a hot tub yeah I mean I do think he has three or four I don't think it's like twenty people out there right data for you but again with my wife special someone right because what happens something happens like when I get married again do it you know God what does this look like if I you know so refund replacement yeah I'm like uh does that mean now that I'm with this woman one died and then it's like well no no so I still think you know like my wife I feel like if there was the one I think she's in you know and I am I have a story yes give us a story so back in the past I was every few years I opened my heart up again to dating right every couple years three years or something so ladies were getting close to the end of his cycle no no start but uh so um this girl came into my life and I was like I kind of liked her you know it knows I was a kind or no Lord and so I said if I should like open my heart maybe maybe give me some signs and it's just I saw all these cool signs we got together cool things were happening and I just saw God everywhere yeah and so I was like wow I think he's doing something I think he's speaking and then so I took that step and I was like hey and we started dating and then after after a while I started realized that it wasn't a connection and so I felt like the Lord was showing me like I can't choose for you yes you have to choose for yourself too he can present someone to you but like I felt like he was saying like I'll help you but you have to choose you know and so it was a learning curve right there but uh I was I was too involved with the Lord it's just the one that you picked for me overseer july's yes yes he taught he taught me that I I was over spiritualizing because I had somebody that they were struggling in their marriage and the big thing was I just think this this person wasn't God's will for my life and I chose the wrong one and I wasn't supposed to and then it's like well how do you fix that right yeah if you said yes I do that's the one if you over spiritualize it and say god chose this one something goes wrong later and then who gets a blame yeah your problem in God's and then your you know you got a bad relationship you say you think he might present those options to us and might help us meet those because I think there's there's not a lot through fasting and prayer that God I don't think I've ever fasted and prayed about something God hasn't moved in my life sure so I would say if I'm single and I'm like really wanting to get married and I'm praying for that perfect person I'm fasting and praying and because God's gonna show me a couple of things during that he's gonna show me me what might be wrong with me what might be driving people away from me he might present some options he might say that's not my will for you you know like I actually have called you to be single so I would say get serious about that but then though I have a part to play as well yeah I mean I definitely think God again I think he approves and I think he disapproves in terms of I think there are people that he'll say that and you'll know you'll feel it he's like I don't know right now but this one could be great and this one could be great man he gives you the ability but he knows already he could play the movie all the way to the end right so that's what I kind of want is the roll credits did that one does this path work yes me out work but it was the same thing when I met Robin I had that feeling that she's the one yeah she is by the way soulmate love you baby okay so but but 20 years later yeah I know that yeah but in that moment I remember asking all my friends what do you think man like and I feel like God's already kind of said yes but I'm still looking for all kinds of affirmation because there's still so many things that could go wrong in a relationship whether that was God's perfect yeah I bumped you two together for a reason I mean we met in a bar in Southern California was that God it's like I wants you in the bar and I want you in the bar right here probably not everywhere though ya know but I think you know God still I think at the end of the at the end of the day still gives us all the true the ability to choose yeah because if you choose the wrong one I still think God can bless it they turn it into something exactly it's about your intentions and motivations and your choices right yeah okay so how do I go ahead I think I'm gonna backpedal a little bit cuz I've heard some miraculous stories too where where people were like oh my gosh I felt like I heard God's voice I said this is your wife and they've had the most awesome like she life together Family Ministries so they single when he said it yes okay good because that's that is one of the things that sometimes do I know it was God well is it biblical does it match up yeah cuz I have a story right here lacy from the band Flyleaf have here to Flyleaf yes yes yeah yeah she's awesome so her husband was a her husband was a thar tech or something for another band and they're on tour together she was the lead singer for the headlining band and so they were just talking everybody hanging out and he had a dream twice that he he was in bed in his dream and he rolled over and and she said hi honey or something like that and he was like what and it was so real and so this guy's over like a roadie you know he's a he's a guitar tech and he's like that dream was so real so weird and he's like how I wouldn't be able to get food it's a singer you know like marry the singer and so it they you know the story goes that they they're married now and they have two kids and everything and but I think what my single friends want to know is how did he go to her and say hey baby I just had a dream and the Lord showed you waking up next they just started like everybody's like everybody's hanging out you know after the show and they just end up together talking so like group dating yeah do you think that's a good idea could be yeah depending on the person I think men lack confidence yeah I think if there's one thing I would say about what we need in the church as pertains to dating I think we need confident men cuz here's the thing when I look at you when I look at you I can already tell when you were getting ready to talk to Robyn there was a little bit of confidence there I'm sure you weren't like I was nervous I'm nervous but were you still confident I was nervous but I mustered up everything I had yeah and that's what impressed her exactly the nerve to even come up and yes joke mm-hmm I think we have a lot of not confident Christian men and we should be confident in the Lord because even if this isn't the one and we get rejected we still have him our father's options are good so yeah I mean we got to get used to rejection those men because I think we you know what I don't want to use the word called but we are the ones that are supposed to go first yeah initially and we have to be okay with okay didn't work next yeah okay that's it I declare part two because we've been talking we're out of time guys and there's so much to say about this still more stories I still have to clear up some things for my single friends how do I meet somebody what are the acceptable ways what are some boundaries how do I date so thank you guys for tuning in talk as always we kick off the conversation but then you keep it going we're actually going to keep it going with a part two so we hope to see you back gods crazy about you and just keep it real [Music]

Channel: Real Talk

Views: 34,733

Rating: 4.9319148 out of 5

Keywords: Christian Dating, Real Talk, Talk Show, Justin Miller, Sam Collier, Brian Head Welch, Dating, Church, Social Media, What does the bible say about dating, What does Jesus say about dating, Should I date if I am a Christian, christian dating, how to date, how to date as a christian, collier, sam, korn, korn band, christian date, dating rules, dating lessons

Id: 5w-JMkc2fhQ

Length: 27min 32sec (1652 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 14 2019