r/Askreddit Lawyers, What Was Your "HOLD IT!" Moment Where You Knew You Would Win?

welcome to our slash ask reddit where we answer the question lawyers have read it what was your hold it moment where you knew that you would win our next replies from phoenix left i had a client who was accused of taking a young woman's car and then crashing it and fleeing the scene the girl testified a trial that she had given her keys to my client that night because she was drunk and she would never ever drink and drive apparently she wasn't aware that i had requested and obtained a copy of her driving record which showed that she had received a dui a month after the incident i still remember the look on her face when i handed her her driving record and said except for that one time you got caught a month later right the look on the judge's face was equally memorable when someone asked op what happened with the case op responded i can't remember what exactly the judge called her testimony something along the lines of absolutely not believable there were quite a few other evidentiary issues that pointed to the possibility that someone else perhaps an inebriated young woman was driving the vehicle at the time of the accident my client was acquitted our next reply is from law school as hell i trapped a defendant pretty badly one time he testified in a deposition that he had a green arrow for his left turn and that my client ran the red unfortunately for him the additional turn lane arrow was installed two months after the wreck the case settled for the maximum limit a week later and beneath that we have a similar story from nimez not a court case but your story reminds me of an accident that i was a passenger in a woman illegally turned in an intersection there was a sign for turn on arrow only and she hit the car that i was in as we were crossing through we pulled into a nearby parking lot and we're exchanging information the woman was freaking out and in tears and me and the driver were just standing there uncomfortable an uninvolved person saw this and apparently seeing the woman crying and two big guys standing there meant that we were bullying her she comes up and starts screaming at the driver and says that she's a witness and that it's all his fault for running a green light and then beneath that we have another story from lizardpossum a lady who hit my driver's door while i was turning she tried to pass me on my left when i turned left tried to tell the cop that i didn't have my blinker on he looked over and it was still blinking and then beneath that we have another green light story i once got pulled over for bypassing a signal light that was green i pulled into a gas station because i was lost then out onto another street which is illegal here if the purpose is to skip a red light when i pointed that out to the cop he huffed and let me go and then another green light story from the smitty a drunk driver t-boned me once when the cops arrive she goes up to them while i'm making my statement and says office their officer i know i've been drinking but i had a green light the street she was coming from had a stop sign and no lights our next replies from farts with an accent i'm not a lawyer but i took my old landlord to court when i was in college they stole my security deposit over bs they claimed that i trashed the place not knowing that i took pictures and video when i moved in and out their evidence was a vh quality recording of going through a perfectly clean apartment in better condition than it was when i moved in but they opened up the top of the stove and found a single piece of elbow macaroni under it holding it up triumphantly that was the crux of their defense the judge was not amused and i got all my money back plus my lawyer fees in the filing fee she then fought against her own lawyer to avoid paying him what a butthole as a reddit youtuber i always love when i get to cover these stories because i know that my audience used a little bit younger like high school and college age so these types of stories are a great opportunity to remind everyone that a lot of landlords are awful and you really need to protect yourself on that note beneath that post we have a similar story from toothless bastard lawyer here residential landlords can be pieces of garbage i'm a corporate lawyer whose only experiences in commercial leases but a friend of a friend was being told by a residential landlord after termination of release that she and her two female roommates weren't getting their security deposit back and they owed him additional amounts for repairs this butthole was actually making improvements to that apartment and trying to do it on their dime so i took the time to write a letter free of charge because i was so pissed wherein i demanded the entire security deposit plus 500 bucks in attorney's fees for having to write the letter in reality i thought that i would just get their security deposit back and i would feel good about doing just that but this guy definitely knew that he screwed up from the very beginning because he immediately paid every penny of that security deposit plus every penny of the attorney fees that i demanded he was such a piece of garbage that he saw three young female tenants as an opportunity to swirl them out of their security deposits and while i'm glad that he paid up immediately and without a fight i think that it definitely demonstrates his conscience at the time our next reply is from bros before touhous this didn't happen at trial but it happened during a deposition on a case where two former employees decided to start their own company in a very niche market but they decided to make their plans on company laptops that they unsuccessfully tried to brick one of the defendants was the one being deposed she said that she answered to a higher power than the company when pressed on what that meant she said herself that got reused prominently at the trial so for clarity here this woman's defense was literally well the company's rules don't apply because i'm more important than the company and i can do whatever i want our next replies from ital i was reviewing a transcript of an interview with a child the child made incriminating statements against my client at one point when discussing the allegations the child used an odd word but i didn't think much of it a few days later i was watching a video of the child interacting with her grandmother who hates my clients from about a week before that interview the grandmother used the exact same odd word in the exact context the child later used at that moment it became clear that child had been coached it was the first real aha moment of my career and beneath that we have this terrible story from ogsom's boy this happened to me my parents told me that i was beaten by my uncle and that he used to feed me alcohol to knock me out i told the court that he got eight years when he got out he did some appeals and went back to court and i found out that he did nothing wrong and he was about to report my parents for child abuse when they put the heat on him first i'm living with him now and yeah he's the coolest uncle i have man what a story this guy finds out that his brother is committing child abuse and before he can report it his brother coaches his little nephew to turn him into the cops and he gets 8 years in prison he gets out of prison clears his name and then takes care of the very nephew who put him in jail i mean obviously it wasn't opi's fault because he was just a kid who got manipulated but still i think a lot of people would blame the kid in that situation and the fact that op's uncle didn't and instead cared for him shows that he's a man of incredible integrity and then we have a similar crazy story from creaming disbuster my brother-in-law just went through something worse in a nasty custody battle by agreement his happy well-adjusted eight-year-old girl custody of whom had been awarded to him when she was five spent the summer with her mother who doesn't have a job and lives near the sea so it seemed to be a better environment for during the pandemic when it was time for her dad to pick her up so she could start school in september she lost her mind and screamed and cried in a weird unnatural way that she only loved mommy and didn't want to go back to daddy's house and the mother took her to the er and said she was having a panic attack and refused to hand her over this happened twice both times he had to take a flight to go get her and both times he came back without her having paid for her ticket the third time he got the courts involved before he went and they sent a court order to social services to intervene and backed up by the cops the little girl did the same thing in front of social services and this time she said that my daddy hits me and my cousins touched me in my private area something that had never been alleged before even in the court case so the social workers put her in a room with toys and books in a two-way mirror and the moment that she thought she was alone she calmed down and started happily playing with the toys they sent her father in about 10 minutes later and within minutes she was laughing joking playing and being affectionate with her dad the social workers concluded that she had definitely been coached so they then ushered the girl and her father out through another door into a waiting car and was able to bring her home so she could start school nearly a month late our next reply is from essie i was sued for a car crash when the plaintiff was on the stand she began recounting the events and everyone realized that it was a completely different crash different cars involved different time of day everything upon cross-examination she revealed that she had four lawsuits running concurrently and couldn't keep them all straight the jury foreman looked at me and rolled his eyes her eventual payout paid by my insurance company was a pittance less than the initial settlement offered before the whole thing went to trial her lawyer was shaking with anger when the court adjourned he was one of those we don't get paid unless we get money for you guys so he lost a lot of money on that one when someone asks jesus how does she find the time to get into four different car accidents also badly result in lawsuits and opie replies her husband helped i think this was the retirement plan our next reply is from deacon frosted flakes i worked on a case involving defective processors in discovery we got emails from the defendant's engineers that had worked on their processors they were from an asian country but the emails were in english because they were going to us executives one of the more senior engineers basically laid out the exact defect that we were suing over explaining what the problem was and why it was their fault and finishing with this is big problem we ship a customer needless to say we hit them over the head with that mediation and they settled shortly after our next reply from lazetta and he simply adds your honor i have screenshots and then beneath that we have a silver story from yuji screenshots was all it took for a douchebag in my area to get sent back to jail he was on probation and he had been harassing femme looking people in a facebook group for our city he made the mistake of including me in that list including threatening to assault me for not being sexually attracted to the correct gender and threatening to discreetly hurt me in ways that wouldn't be noticeable or usable in court all because i called him a wussy for trying to bully women on the internet and being laughably horrible at it since i'm not even a woman he had been out of prison on bail for two days from a sexual assault and torture case his bill was rescinded all for being a creepy douche on the internet i assume it wouldn't have been taken seriously had it not been for what he was already being accused of and the fact that he specifically said that he intended to hurt me in a way that somehow i couldn't trace back to him other than the publicly posted messages i guess i think that he thought that the court doesn't know about the internet lol he also lost his job over it since he had his workplace publicly listed i'm trying to like understand the like rudimentary logic here and i can't seem to find it op is a gay man and therefore attracted to other men and as punishment for being attracted to the wrong gender this guy threatened to sexually force himself on this person like as punishment if this absolute [ __ ] thinks that homosexual acts are wrong then why is he threatening to perform homosexual acts on them our next reply from guiltlorn i'm not a lawyer but i played one in small claims court my lease had an exit clause that said if i gave them two months ran they would work to lease my place and return anything unused i checked with the office ahead of time and they ensured me that there was a waiting list so i gave them the two months rent and moved they never returned a dime i talked to the new tenant and confirmed that they moved in a week later in court the judge was commenting on how he didn't see anything explicitly stating how they would return any unused rent even though that intent was stated to me a few times dumbo from the leasing office piped in with your honor in almost every case we can return some money but in this case we didn't have a tenant in the two months after he left so the judge turned the case over to me and i presented the affidavit from the new tenant confirming the move-in date the judge awarded me double what they owed turns out leasing office dumbos 1 and 2 thought they could lie to me and then return my excess rent money to themselves the word you're looking for is embezzlement this absolute [ __ ] just admitted to committing embezzlement in court our next writer post is from i kill dinosaurs i'm a trial lawyer i have a ton of these my favorite was probably a dui where the cop was in a buffalo wild wings with my client watching a fight like the cop was standing at the bar in full uniform then when my client walked by him to leave the cop followed him out the client was only actually going to his car to grab his phone charger because he was going home with the bartender like he hadn't even closed his tab yet the cop arrested him and charged him with dui for opening his car door then fabricated this story for his report about how my client got in the car turned it on and began to pull out of the space to leave the parking lot he also denied being inside the buffalo wild wings on the stand under oath to my face surprise i talked to the bartender at that buffalo wild wings and got the security tape it very clearly like surprisingly good quality showed the cop standing at the bar watching my client walk out the front door then follow him 30 seconds later the parking lot cam showed my client barely touching the door handle before the cop stopped him and then opie adds in an edit the cop underwent an internal review where the board determined that he hadn't done anything wrong a few months later he murdered an unarmed man while on patrol he also trains new cops now and tells young college girls he pulls over to call him tommy our next reddit post is from nightshark it was my third month of practicing law i was in family law at the time representing a mom in a petition for a restraining order against her boyfriend who was also the father of her child at issue in the broader case was child visitation custody support etc but in today's hearing we would just call it ro we had pretty good facts but it was mostly based on the testimony of the parties my client was way more reputable as a witness so i was feeling confident 10 minutes before the hearing my client shows up i give her a last minute prep on what to expect and then she says i'm glad i'm going through with this i can't deal with it anymore and he's just getting worse to top it off he left me a drunken ranting voicemail on saturday i said do you have your phone with you yes we played the voicemail and it's a full two minutes of the ex-boyfriend screaming things like i should have effing killed you when we were together you were always such a b-word i hope you burned to death in a fire i didn't have time to ask her why the f she hadn't said anything to me about this voicemail before the bailiff called our case we sit and the judge asked us if either side has additional evidence and i asked for permission to play the voicemail the ex-boyfriend who didn't have an attorney didn't object so i played the whole nasty two-minute rant in open court the judge goes we're gonna take a brief recess before i issue my ruling if the parties want to meet and confirm the hall they're welcome to the boyfriend knew that he was screwed we settled the whole freaking case then and there my client got her wish list in terms of custody supervised visitation child support plus the restraining order to boot and then beneath that we have this amazing story from the bananas here i was in court trying to get a restraining order my ex was adamant that he had not nearly killed our daughter and that he did not in fact break into my house and point a gun at me the week prior he said i was a liar who just wanted to keep his kid away from him when he was told that i was asking for a full and definite order which is zero contact forever he said to his lawyer if this b-word gets that order i'm going back to her house and i won't fail this time sadly for him his microphone was still on and then someone asks wow so did the judge hear it op replies judge bailiff clerk and the six or so other people who are waiting in the courtroom for their cases to be called up awkward our next reply from corporately i'm not a lawyer but years ago i had to do something at a strip mall in the bad part of town it took me about 20 minutes and then i found out that my car had been towed i took an uber to the tow yard a giant sign says cash only so i had to call another uber drive to the atm and back and pay them 300 some bucks i got a sucky handwritten receipt that believe it or not was itemized i went home googled what happened and found that they had violated the law in three separate ways they towed me illegally they illegally refused to accept credit cards and they had multiple charges at the law called unreasonable like dolly fees and load and unload fees i took him to small claims court the judge began by asking the tow yard owner about his relationship with the property owner and how the decision was made to tow my car oh the slimy tow truck dude answered my cousin works there if he says toe i tow it's a hundred percent legal the judge's eyebrows begin to rise but the dude continues but what i detest the most your honor is this butthole claiming that i don't take credit cards i'm a businessman i take credit cards all the time he's a lowlife that doesn't have any credit cards that's why he wanted to pay cash the judge saw me smiling and hopping in my seat and patting my manila folder of receipts do you actually not have any credit or debit cards the judge asked me i pulled out my wallet and showed him and then i pulled out a time stamp photo of the cash only sign that i took the day of and another one that i took the morning of the hearing the guy mumbled something like okay you got me there and then had nothing but huh i didn't know that when the judge asked him about the legality of each unreasonably itemized charge anyway each violation pays double the total tow charge and since there were three that's how i made eighteen hundred dollars on a three hundred dollar investment the sad thing about this story is that i can practically guarantee that the sleazy tow truck driver will keep doing this exact same thing because the vast majority of his victims don't have the time patience or money to take this guy to court and get their money back our next reply is from otis scott my client was accused of brutally murdering a dog the cop testified that there was no testing of the blood nobody ever found and admitted that it could have in fact run away the eyewitness said that she could see the killing down the hallway from the dining room the cop testified that there was no hallway and the dining room was on a different level of the house and the killing supposedly took place then the person who was leading the lynch mob against my client around town for the last year testified that she had been in the apartment between the two visits by the cop to evaluate the scene no body a compromised crime scene witnesses who couldn't see anything and admission that there was no proof that the dog was dead the closing argument lasted three seconds your honor i'm asking for an acquittal our next reply is from juju on the beat sorry this story is good my mom hit a guy on a bike with her car in a parking lot she claimed that he hit her she also wanted to counter sue the cyclist for scaring her in her deposition she started every sentence with when i hit him our next reply is from drambox i'm not a lawyer but a friend of mine was a drinking well intoxicated attorney in new york for a while he was defending a guy who was asleep in the backseat of his car while intoxicated and a new york state trooper arrested him on the stand the trooper testified that he visually saw the suspect put the key in the ignition my friend gave him like three chances to walk it back are you sure trooper that you actually saw the key in the ignition yes counselor when a cop calls a lawyer counselor what he really means is butthole and that's when my buddy dropped the hammer you are aware that my client drives a toyota prius which doesn't have an ignition or a key that was our slash ask reddit and if you like this content then check out my patreon where i publish episodes that were banned from youtube also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 553,622

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Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, askreddit posts, funny askreddit, ask reddit, askreddit, r/askreddit, askreddit top posts, askreddit funny, askreddit question

Id: d6mJ-PHd8G8

Length: 20min 41sec (1241 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 02 2020