r/AmiTheA**Hole For Causing The Only Woman To Quit?

getting there guys it's your main man Markey back at it again with another episode of our /mi the a-hole now if you love today's content like I love you I want you to sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and enjoy today's bloody good contents posted by user muted contribution 43 titled am i the a-hole for making the only woman at our job quits this occurred over the course of months and I was recently telling my family about this story and my sister got mad at me and called me a sexist but none of my actions had anything to do with that I work at a small client service office it only has about 50 people old male with the exception of a few support staff that were women at the beginning of 2019 we had a new hire to our professional team who was a female she initially fit right in at the beginning but slowly she started to make changes and change our workplace for the worse prior to her joining we had a very relaxed atmosphere we'd curse talked more explicitly etc no one seemed to mind even our direct managers didn't care but she complained about foul language and behavior and soon our HR person got involved and told us we had to keep it more professional additionally she was caddie and would report people every so often essentially she was making the workplace sterile and boring we couldn't let loose as much and all conversations had to be workplace appropriate our team would even have her own little events like going out drinking together afterwards or go to concerts together and obviously we excluded her which she got wind of and obviously reported it so now we weren't allowed to hang out as a team unless all were invited after work I eventually told our team to not help her out with any projects and give her the bare minimum of assistance if she needed it's most of the team agreed and within a few months time her performance drops I also made sure to report her every time she inconvenienced me she eventually had a mini breakdown and ended up quitting obviously at work the immediate team celebrated but my sister apparently thought sexist I told her if this had been a male doing its we would have excluded him - dear Lord how blind EU IP do you not see what you were doing to this person ah you know it was justified because they reported us and work just wasn't as fun after that this is textbook sexism you idiots this is exclusion of a woman you are so dumb Oh B how deep in denial are you that you were a piece of crap to this woman my god you're the a hole in the situation there's there's no coming back from that you're the a-hole you terrorized a random woman trying to do her job because she was probably reporting for legitimate fudging reasons l'm al what you consider foul language was probably super sexually charged to her i don't trust a man who down plays the reasons a woman reported him to HR i don't think any of the AIT a ones made me this angry the audacity to ask after clearly bullying her into quitting disgusting I agree OB you're the a-hole the only thing I find that you might have been right about is the work events if he call it a work event yeah you're an ass but if you were going out with friends which it sounds like you were then she has no control over your personal life other than that one thing 100% you're the a-hole yeah that's the one single thing that didn't sit right with me either out of a clear you're the a-hole if it's a work event and announced as such that's one thing but you can't dictate how people group up as friends outside of work that's crazy I've never had to deal with HR but would they really step in if there wasn't a legitimate reason if it came out that literally everyone was invited but her which i think is the case as otherwise RP would have mentioned that others weren't invited wouldn't this be grounds for a lawsuit especially given all the other crap they put her through it seems it to be really easy to prove workplace discrimination I think you're correct he said we weren't allowed to hang out as a team unless we were all invited to me that means it was team events not just him going out with his work friends in which case yes you can't just exclude people all conversations had to be workplace appropriate you know probably because it's a workplace you're the a-hole here here I've been the woman in this post luckily it was just my department that acted like a France and not my whole workplace but I was literally the only young woman working with a bunch of older guys and foul language doesn't even begin to cover the bullcrap that I had to listen to there were constant sexist boomer jokes all my boss would say some crappy were women rights comments and then look at me and be all like alright sorry they were literally nudie posters on the walls when I first started there were literally tasks I was not asked to or allowed to do because I was a woman the her most transphobic and racist remarks were all over the place I had to listen to the story of the first time my boss had even touched a boob in extreme detail as he told the whole department like it was some cute and funny thing and I was so intensely uncomfortable the last one made me have a breakdown at lunch because I was just so tired of feeling so icky all the time I reported it to HR and luckily that plus the gradual retirement of the older guys who were all replaced with younger women helped the atmosphere shift but God it was the singular most uncomfortable work environment I've ever been in guess who has a new job now when I told my boss I was leaving he was absolutely flabbergasted and had absolutely no idea why I would go hilarious you're the a-hole reminds me of my second job out of college I stuck it out for two years and quits all my managers were sexist boomers who would ask only the female employees to clean up the staff kitchen make tea and coffee for clients sexist jokes like if he behaved like that what man will marry you and follow that up later with I was only joking my assistant quit few months into the job because our manager made her cry with his sexist bull crap during a performance review they would drink beer in the office during the day posted by user Thoreau away three eight five six four seven titled am I the a-hole for not wanting to feature my fiance's form a significant other who passed away in our wedding trigger warning for loss and death my fiance was engaged for about a month to his high school sweetheart when she passed away in a tragic freak accident for personal reasons I don't want to get into how it happens but it was no one's fault this was maybe six years ago just for the purpose of this post I'll call her Mandy my fiance has been very open about this loss and how it has affected him throughout our relationship I know he misses her and the memories he has with her are important and special I don't want to take away anything to demean the relationship and have always been there for him on hard days and supported him when he needed it we got engaged last June the date is TBD still for obvious reasons it was very emotional for the both of us and we've been really happy but since planning the wedding I've been feeling like I'm not only planning it for myself but for Mandy as well it started as comments from his family a lot of Oh Mandy would have loved this type of things I brushed it off at first and just thought it was a way of them processing grief I have a great relationship with his family but I know they loved Mandy dear when I went dress shopping his mom and sister came they kept talking about what dress Mandy would have warned what they could see her in etc it might seem like nothing but it really overtook the conversation so much so that another bridesmaid told me later that she felt uncomfortable for me too it turned from harmless comments into focusing what should be a special event for me into reminiscing over Mandy my latest project has been compiling old photos of me and my fiance for a slideshow at the reception or rehearsal dinner we haven't decided he told me there's something he's been wanting to ask me he really wants to include some kind of in memory of Mandy into our wedding and thinks that the slideshow would be a perfect place at this point I was and still kind of M with the Mandy comments taking over our wedding I stanley told him that no I don't think that would be appropriate as this is our wedding and should focus on us we are having a table with pictures of loved ones who passed and she will be featured there he told me that he doesn't think that's enough to honor her memory he wants to incorporate her in a bigger way as she never got her dream wedding he also thinks it would be a sweet surprise for Mandy's parents who were invited since he is still really close to them I did lose my cool all admits I told him honestly how I felt about the Mandy situation taking over our wedding and how I'm uncomfortable with it I also asked him if he could ask his family to limit the Mandy comments at our wedding since now I'm afraid the whole wedding will be focused on her I told him that I need time away to think and have been staying at my parents house but we've still been talking am i the a-hole am I overreacting I mean if anyone else was put in this situation like this and it was so overbearing like that I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be an overreaction to vent like that to your partner I agree with you Opie I really think the family is taking this overboard and you were cool with it at first and didn't say anything and it really just took over the narrative of the wedding your wedding is a celebration of you and your partner and yes it's traumatic that Mandy was lost so suddenly like that but it's not a celebration of Mandy's life neither is it a morning of her death it's a celebration of the bond between you two in life to have that so overshadowed and overbearing by the entire family would crush me if I was you in all honesty because you know what do you say to them do you say yo can we not because that's such an insensitive thing I really feel like you've been put in between a rock and a hard place but I don't think you're overreacting and I don't think you're the a hole not the a hole it turned from harmless comments into focusing what should be a special event for me into reminiscing over Mandy that's exactly what would happen at your wedding it's totally reasonable to ask that the focus of your wedding be on you and your fiance sorry to ask but sure he's ready to marry you it kind of sounds like he's marrying the ghost of Mandy IOP replies thanks for this I can never tell if I'm overreacting to the comments or if I'm a bad person for being afraid that they'll take over my wedding Mandy hasn't been an issue in our relationship until we got engaged yes he has his hard days like holidays or when her birthday comes around but she's never overshadowed our relationship before maybe wedding planning is triggering some grief for him but in a different way I don't know I thought we were ready for marriage I don't want our relationship to end and I'm pretty sure he doesn't either maybe wedding planning is triggering some grief for him 100% that's what's happening weddings and funerals are the top triggers for everyone dealing with crap whether it's grief addiction depression etc you need couples counseling and he needs individual therapy if he's not already in it if he's not willing to do that then he's definitely not ready to get married time apart is a good idea and I'm glad you're still talking to if this isn't normal for your relationship that I think you guys will be okay with time and help this is good advice he needs to understand that it's still okay to love Mandy and mourn her loss but she is for better or worse in the past you've already accepted her role in this past but it's critical in these relationships to not be constantly reminded that but for her death he would have been with her he and his family seem like they're living with that as a daily modern rather than an accepted reality I do wonder about how she died I understand that you don't want to go into detail and I respect that but I am curious if he feels responsible in some way if he or someone in his family feels responsible for whatever reason that's a whole other can of worms to consider if it's also a scenario of but for his action / choice she would still be here then he needs individual counseling our EP says he was not directly responsible nor was he even there when the accident happened he expressed to me that he does have regrets about the day saying things like if I would have done this maybe it wouldn't have happened but still he was not directly responsible she was not responsible either it was just a freak accidents though his regrets sound like survivor's guilt and considering there were engaged at the time I'm not surprised he and the rest of his family are having issues please make sure he gets counseling take a deep breath support him love him but stand firm the wedding can wait until you're both ready not the a-hole and based on this post it honestly seems like he will always be an afterthought and a replacement for Mandy his one true love quote unquote talking about what Mandy would have won for their wedding had she not died wanting to include her in a slideshow about you guys this is troubling to say the least I really hope you don't spend your life being forced to compete with a dead girl future prediction if you have kids and one is a girl they fiance and his family will want to name her after the dead girlfriend at least the middle name talking about what Mandy would have won for their wedding had she not died and who would Mandy have married if she hadn't died ROP is fiance how disrespectful to Opie and how painfully obvious that she's second best and wanting to include her in a slideshow about you guys think of how upsetting it would be for Mandy's parents here's another reminder that Mandy never got to get married because she died and how uncomfortable for everyone but Opie and his family people are going to be whispering oh who's that a sister cousin Oh late fiance oh wow awkward Opie not the a-hole think about whether this is truly a life you want to live where you will be overshadowed by the memories of a dead person when you're pregnant I bet Mandy would have looked so beautiful pregnant have a baby I bet Mandy would have been such a great mother and make parenting choices that are so different from yours don't compete with the memories of a dead person because you'll never win a dead person only becomes better over time and can do no wrong posted by user snood chocolates seven eight four seven titles am I the a-hole for being angry that my boyfriend is walking his best friends down the aisle so throw away account I've recently started dating this guy Andy for about six months his best friends are Felicity and Jacob and they've all been friends for over ten years Andy and Felicity are very close and I mean very close they go to one another for everything they meet up two days of the week and they text 24/7 at first I tried to not think anything of it as I knew they were friends but I didn't realize they were that close I've questioned it before thinking that surely there was something between them prior he laughed and said that nothing has ever happened between them that Felicity and Jacob were always a thing he also said that they went through a lot of things during high school and that she was his person during really rocky periods in his life and they're each other's support systems I'll be honest their closeness does make me feel uncomfortable and I feel that it often interrupts our relationship fast-forward to now Andy is the best man sir he's often busy helping with wedding planning etc one nights I was invited to drinks and that was then made aware that Andy offered to walk Felicity down the aisle confused I asked why wasn't her father walking her down Felicity said that he passed away and that originally her cousin was walking her down but he lived in two states and was unable to travel due to borders being shuts when we got home I asked Andy why didn't he tell me or even asked if I was okay with it he replied that he didn't have the time to tell me as it was arranged literally moments before we went out to drinks and he asked why wouldn't I have been okay with it I told him that I was slightly uncomfortable by the closeness of their relationship and they often felt he prioritized their friendship over our relationship that over the last couple of weeks I felt that I wasn't given as much attention as Felicity had been receiving and I didn't really understand why he was the one to be walking her down the aisle he said that he was very close to her dad and that Felicity is a very important person in his life and she shaped him into the person he is today and that she's done so much for him that he wanted to do this for her he said that I shouldn't feel uncomfortable and that he hadn't meant to make me feel that way he stated that their friendship was important just as much as our relationship I got angry by this as I felt he wasn't understanding my perspective at all I said that he clearly thinks I'm of less importance compared to her and that he wasn't taking my feelings into consideration I told him I was uncomfortable by it and out of respect for me he should at least just stick to being the best man and perhaps find someone else to do the job he said that I should be respecting his decision to do this for felicity and that she doesn't have anyone else to do this for her I ended up dropping the conversation out of frustration and I don't know if I'm being an ass in this situation I think you are I think you're being an ass in this situation you're making a big deal out of nothing this is a non-sequitur situation nothing is gonna come out of them walking each other down the aisle they've been very clear with that and it doesn't read like she would be cheating with him I think you really need to get your head out of your ass Opie and just suck it up let them be happy at the wedding and realize that nothing is going to come out of it these are just your insecurities you're projecting and you may need help being this insecure over this Felicity has no one else to walk her down the aisle why would you take this one opportunity away from her that's heartless you're the a-hole Opie you're the a-hole he's walking her down the aisle nights waiting at the end of it's their friendship sounds lovely and it's really awful that you're letting your jealousy keep you from seeing that additionally if I were in the boyfriends shoes not only when I side with my friend of over a decade but I would also begin to question my relationship with Opie if Opie hits boyfriend with an ultimatum boyfriend will and should choose his friendship any unhappiness Opie has with this whole thing is of their own making I'll sir boyfriend sounded to be quite reasonable in the discussion of feelings and explaining why this was important to him without becoming defensive green flags on this guy for that night red flags for his friendship with a woman no kidding six months and two weeks of supposedly attention versus a friendship of over ten years a father figure who shaped who he is as a man and a close friend asking to be given away on her special day to another men you're the a-hole you're the a-hole this poor girl's father died cousin can't come to her wedding and you're objecting to your boyfriend of six months walking his friend of 10 plus years down the aisle at her wedding she's literally getting married to someone else why are you dating this guy if you trust him this little you're the a-hole gotta occur the above you've seen someone for six months and you want to bust up his relationship with longtime friends I predict he'll have an ex shortly if you carry on like this posted by user craigory craigory titled am either a hole for disinviting my brother to my wedding after he told me being gay is wrong little backstory I've been out of the closet since I was 17 in 2007 when I came out people in my family said some pretty hurtful things which I totally expected being from a Southern Baptist family in God it hurts to admit this but Florida but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive surprisingly he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble to call him and he'd talk to him that was really the last time we talked about it flash-forward 13 years I'm 30 and I'm getting married to my fiance Scott's next April if kovat sir graciously allows I started putting a package together of fun things for my brother and i's childhood all with the intention of asking him to be my best man however he called me two weeks ago claiming he's wanted to talk to me about this for a long time he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn't what God wants he said he thinks Scot is a nice guy and he loves me but he doesn't think it's right that we're getting married it was quite a shock as Scot and I have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown to top it off and what hurts people the most he said my three-year-old niece whom we adore won't be coming to the wedding because he didn't want to have to explain to her what was going on here notice he only said that she wasn't coming to the wedding I think he fully expected to still be invited after this his wife whom he started dating when I was 12 feels the same apparently my whole dad's side of the family feels the same way they do but I've already written them off mostly in my mind I think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal they were my safe spot in the family I felt like because they were close to my age and younger and went to college they would understand and it wouldn't be a big deal to them I almost feel a bit embarrassed because Scott comes from a wonderful Italian Catholic family and they've never been anything less than loving and supportive I told them that on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what they're doing is wrong or rights they should just stay home I know my brother and family love me but it feels up to a points conditional and limited I told them that they learned being gay is wrong they won't born not liking gay people so they can unlearn it if they were willing but I don't think that's going to happen it doesn't sound like it's going to happen anytime soon and you know I don't think they should come if they hold those views too if it's gonna come out as negativity on that day if it's openly gonna just ooze out of their being I don't think it's the best idea to have them around if they're so unwilling to change but again that could be a you know another point of contention they could hold that against you so I don't know what the right solution is in this situation but for your actions I don't think you're the a-hole I think the disinviting them was a good idea not the a-hole no one belongs at your wedding who isn't there to celebrate I'm so fudging lutely this saddens me every time I hear about it's one of my three sons is gay I have seen how badly some of his boyfriends have been treated by their families so many have said I wish my father was like you not because I'm a special father but simply because I accept my sons sexuality and treat him exactly as I do the other two they all get the same amount of bull crap insults teasing and sarcasm summer 2018 one of my son's exes announced he was getting married and asked me if I would stand in as his quote unquote father to walk him down the aisle it broke my heart that he needed to ask but I said of course yes last year I did it again for my son's friend not an ex this time because there is apparently still someone left they didn't screw three years ago my son invited me to go on a pride march almost as a jerk I bought a t-shirt with free dad hugs in huge letters on the front I was amazed by how many took me up on the offer dozens I'd guess at about 60 some got emotional I started the day in a party mood by the end of it I couldn't stop thinking about all the people who have to live without their father's love I did it in 2018 and 2019 same reaction looks like for 2020 the shirt stays in the wardrobe it's bad enough they have to tolerate the homophobia the rest of the time but their wedding should be a day off nobody comes unless they support you and what is so difficult about explaining it to a three year olds two people love each other and decide to get married symbol I think the difficult part isn't explaining to her what being gay is it's somehow also convincing her that being gay is wrong they're scared they won't be able to explain why they think being gay is so awful not the a-hole I'm so sorry Opie your brother is a huge a-hole you deserve to have people there who support and love you guys all the hugs Opie herpes brother was there for him when he came out in 2007 he has also maintained a close relationship with herpes since then right up to now including providing Opie and his significant other a place to stay in his home it seems and this can only be verified if Opie and his brother have a serious chat that herpes brother has been strongly influenced by the wife and father possibly using the daughter as leverage to convince him that Opie is living in sin Opie really needs to have a talk with his brother and understand where all of this is coming from whether these are really the brothers views and of course whether the brother now permanently stands by them if this is the case it's the father and possibly the wife who were the real a-holes if the brother now permanently stands by them he's an a-hole too posted by user throwaway musical 72 titled would I be the a-hole for pulling my daughter out of a school play next year my 37 female daughter who will call Molly 14 female asked if we could talk earlier she said that she still feels left out about missing last year's school play so she wants my permission to participate in the play for next year now that the year is less than a month away I told her about last year where I had pulled her out of the play because even though she got the part she wanted she had to watch her brother 9 male and sister 10 female after scheduling issues with the sent times 3:15 to 6 I get off about 5:30 she couldn't look after her younger siblings she told them they're both turning 10 and 11 and they're well past the age where they can start looking after themselves molly also pointed out she started looking after herself since she was 8 whenever I went to work which is true I told her no I said that she needs to stay home to look after them Molly then started to argue she asked why she has to look after them here is the following conversation we had she asks why is it because I'm the oldest I'm the one left with those two mom then 9 and 10 almost 10 and 11 I shouldn't have to be looking after them anymore they should be able to make a send which was something and then behave around the house I don't want to miss another school play because of that I say they've already shown not to be responsible so teach them make a checklist check in with them every half hour or something they're old enough mum I'm tired of being a babysitter they sit around and watch TV anyway so what's the point of being home early I eventually just got angry with her and sent her to her room Molly reluctantly obeyed when my husband thirty-six mail came home from work I allowed her to come out but she whines she locked herself in and doesn't want to talk to anyone my husband noticed she wasn't greeting him at the door right away when he asked I told him what happened and he took her side my husband says it isn't Molly's fault if the little ones can't keep track of their own damn heads if they wires attached and that we should teach them how to look after themselves and set ground rules I disagreed my husband went to talk to Molly now that she allowed him in am I the a-hole yes I think you should have realized you're an a-hole when you left Molly to fend for herself at eight years of age and yet at 10 and 11 years old you don't think these two can look after themselves I was playing runescape back at home at like the age of seven I could look after myself you just play games go get some food chill back in playing games it's not that hard to let a kid just chill at home especially if there's two of them the same age they're not gonna go tearing the house down hopefully I think you're an a-hole for not trusting your daughter and for not letting her into a school play I wish I could have done my school plays but you know that's regrets that we have later on you're an a-hole for limiting that opportunity when she was given the part already you suck edits I have read all the replies and I now know I am in the wrong I'll go apologize to Molly and my husband and allow her in the play I will also start teaching the other two how to act when I'm not home thank you for your judgement you're the a-hole she had to miss the play last year get a sitter for one night you're really saying that you needing her for a few hours to watch your kids takes precedence over her school play that she's been rehearsing for come on that play won't be just one night it'll be months of after-school rehearsals building sets etc you're still right there sir children aren't your personal babysitters Knights Opie and perhaps you should read to the end before making the jerk retorts even reading to the end all the children are not your personal babysitter's hell even dad agrees with the daughter mum should suck it up and pay for someone to chill at the house for a few hours during rehearsal if she's that damn worried as the oldest of three my youngest sister being 10 years younger than me it was absolute BS that I had to give up my free time and activities because my parents couldn't bother finding a sitter Opie you're the a-hole get a babysitter or other family member to watch the younger kids if they're that irresponsible someone who's actually agreed to watch them having to always watch your younger siblings will eventually lead to resentment towards them and not wanting to have a relationship once they're older my sister could not stand me until I was about 15 and it was all because she had to give up a lot to watch us all right now I think that's where we're gonna leave today's episode guys I really do hope you enjoyed the content today if you guys loved watching it as much as I loved making it I would love for you to subscribe to the channel already if you haven't tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below maybe you liked the video who knows I'd also like to take this time to thank my awesome patreon and channel members without you guys you know I don't know what I'd do I'd probably be homeless on the streets of Ireland crying Irish dancing all over town it would just be a mess but now for real you guys are up on the screen now thank each and every one of you guys and if you personally want to join the club yourself there are links down the description below there's also the join button next to the subscribe button small monthly fee but hey it goes a long way to help me create more awesome content with that said guys I hope you do have a lovely day night sleep evening day at work day at school whatever you're up to I hope you keep awesome today you're looking amazing and I will see you in the next video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 28,309

Rating: 4.8300366 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: ovNkEatUNzU

Length: 33min 31sec (2011 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 14 2020