"Penpal" Creepypasta

this is long so I apologize for that I've never had to tell this story with enough detail to actually explain it all the way but it is true and it happened when I was around six years old in a quiet room if you press your ear against the pillow you can hear your heartbeat as a child the muffled rhythmic beats sounded like soft footsteps on a carpeted floor so as a kid almost every night just as I was about to drift off to sleep I would hear these footsteps and I would be ripped back into consciousness terrified for my entire childhood I lived with my mother in a fairly nice neighborhood that was in a transitional phase people of lower economic means were gradually moving in and my mother and I were two of these people we lived in the kind of house you see being transported in two pieces on an interstate but my mom took good care of it there were a lot of woods surrounding the neighborhood that I would play in and explore during the day but at night as things often do to a kid they took more a sinister feeling this coupled with the fact too that due to the nature of a house there was a fairly large crawlspace underneath filled my mind with imaginary monsters and inescapable scenarios which would consume my thoughts when I was awoken by the footsteps I told my mom about the footsteps and she said that I was just imagining things I persisted enough that she blasted my ears with water from a turkey baster once just to +8 me since I thought that it would help of course it didn't despite all the creepiness and footsteps the only way thing that ever happened was that every now and then I would wake up on the bottom bunk despite having gone to sleep on the talk but this wasn't really weird since I'd sometimes get up to pee or get something the drink and could remember just going back to sleep on the bottom bunk I'm an only child so it didn't matter this would happen once or twice a week but waking up on the bottom bunk wasn't too terrifying but one night I didn't wake up on the bottom bunk I heard the footsteps but was too far gone to be woken up by them and when I was awoken it wasn't from the sound of footsteps or a nightmare but because I was cold really cold when I opened my eyes I saw stars I was in the woods i sat up immediately and tried to figure out what was going on I thought I was dreaming but that didn't seem right though neither did me being in the woods there was a deflated pool float right in front of me one of those shaped like a shark this only added to the surreal feeling but after a while it seems like I just wasn't going to wake up because I was in the sleep I stood up to orient myself but I didn't recognize these words I pried in the woods by my house all the time so I knew them really well but if these weren't the same words then how could I get out I took a step and felt a shooting pain in my foot which not to be back to where I'd just been laying I'd stepped on a thorn by the light of the moon I could see that they were everywhere I looked to my other foot but it was fine and as a matter of fact so was the rest of me I didn't have another scratch on me and I wasn't even that dirty I cried for a little bit and then stood back up I didn't know which way to go so I just picked a direction I resisted the urge to call out since I wasn't sure I wanted to be found by who or what might be out there I walked for what seemed like hours I tried to walk in a straight line and try to course-correct when I had to take a detour but I was just the kid and I was afraid there weren't any howls or screams and only once did I hear any noise that scared me it sounded like a crying baby I think now that it was just the cat but I panicked I ran veering in different directions to avoid big fakes of bushes and collapsed trees and I was paying close attention to where I stepped because by that point my feet were in pretty bad shape I paid too much attention to where i stepping and not enough to where those steps were leading because not long after hearing the cry i saw something that filled me with a kind of despair i haven't experienced since it was the pool float I was only 10 feet from where I had woken up this wasn't magic or some supernatural space bending I was lost up until that moment I thought more about getting out the woods then how I got in but being back in the beginning caused my mind to swim I wasn't even sure that these were my words I had only been hoping that they were had I run in a huge circle around that spot or did I just turn around and start making my way back how was I going to get out at the time I thought the North Star was just the brightest star and so I looked and found the brightest one and followed it eventually things started to look more familiar and when I saw the ditch a dirt ditch my friends in I would have dirt clot was in I knew I made it out by that point I was walking really slow because my feet hurts so much but I was so happy to be so close to home that I broke into a light jug when I actually saw the roof of my house over a neighboring low set house I let out a light sob and ran faster I just wanted to be home I had already decided that I wouldn't say anything because I had no idea what I could possibly say I would get back in the house somehow clean up and get in my bed my heart sunk as I rounded the corner and my house came fully into view every light in the house was on I knew my mom was up and I knew that I would have to explain or try to explain where I had been and I couldn't even figure out where to start my run became a jug which became a walk I saw her silhouette through the blinds and although I was worried about how to explain things to her that didn't matter to me at that point I walked up the couple of steps to the porch and put my hand on the doorknob and turned right before I pushed it open two arms wrapped around me and hold me back I screamed as loud as I could mom help me please mom the feeling of being so close to being safe and then being physically pulled away from it filled me with a kind of dread that is even after all these years indescribable the door had been torn away from opened and a flash of hope shot through my heart but it wasn't my mom it was a man he was enormous i thrashed around and kicked at the shins of the person holding me while also trying to get away from the person who had just come out of my house I was scared but I was furious let go of me where is she where is my mom what did you do to her as my throat stone from screaming and I was drawing in another breath I became aware of a sound that had been present for longer than I'd received it honey please calm down I've got you it sounded like my mom the arms loosened then set me down and as the man approaching me blocked out the porch light with his head I noticed his clothes he was a cop I turned to face the voice behind me and saw that it really was my mom everything was okay I began to cry and the three of us went inside I'm so glad you're home sweetie I was worried I'd never see you again by that point she was crying too I'm sorry I don't know what happened I just wanted to come home I'm sorry it's okay just don't ever do that again I'm not sure me or my shins can take it a little laughter broke through my sobs and I smiled a bit well I'm sorry for kicking you but why do you have to grab me like that I was just afraid that you'd run away again I was confused what do you mean we found your note on your pillow she said and pointed at the piece of paper that the police officer was sliding across the table I picked up the note and read it it was running away letter it said that I was unhappy and never wanted to see her or any of my friends again the police officer exchanged a few words with my mom and the porch while I stared at the letter I didn't remember writing a letter I didn't remember anything about any of this but even if I sometimes went to the bathroom at night and didn't remember or if I could have gone to the woods in my own even if all that could have been true the only thing I knew at that point was this isn't how you spell my name I didn't write this letter [Music] the other day I posted a story called footsteps there are a number of questions that made me curious about certain details about my childhood so I spoke of my mother exacerbated by my questions she said why don't you just tell them about the goddamn balloons if they're so interested as soon as she said that I remembered so much about my childhood that I've forgotten this story should provide some greater context for the previous story which I think you should listen to first though the order isn't of vital importance listening to that story first will put you in my place more effectively since I remembered the events of footsteps first if you have questions or anything feel free to ask and I'll try to answer them also both stories along so heads up on that I'm just hesitant to leave out any detail that might be important when I was five years old I went to an elementary school that from what I've come to understand was really adamant about the importance of learning through activity I was part of a new program designed to allow children to raise at their own pace and to facilitate this the school encourage teachers to come up with really inventive lesson plans each teacher was given the latitude to create his or her own themes which would run for the duration of the grade and all their lessons in math reading etc would be designed in the spirit of the theme these themes are called groups there was a space group a sea group an earth group and the group I was in community in kindergarten in this country you don't learn much except how to tie your shoes and how to share so most of it isn't very memorable I only remember two things very clearly I was the best at writing my name in the right way and the balloon project which was really the hallmark of the community group since it was a really clever way to show how community functioned at a really basic level you've probably heard of this activity on one Friday I remember it being Friday because I was excited about the project and it being the end of the week toward the beginning of the year we walked into the classroom in the morning and saw that there was a fully inflated balloon tied off with a string taped to each of our desks sitting on each of our desks was a marker and a pen and a piece of paper and an envelope the project was the writer note in the paper put it in the envelope and attach it to the balloon which we would draw a picture on if we wanted most of the kids started fighting over the balloons because they wanted different colors but I started on my note which I thought a lot about all the notes had to follow a loose structure but we were allowed to be creative within those boundaries my note was something like this hi you found my balloon my name is Anne I attend elementary school you can keep the balloon but I hope you write me back I like my team acts exploring building forts swimming and friends what do you like write me back soon here's a dollar for the mail on the dollar I wrote for stamps right across the front which my mom said was unnecessary but I thought it was genius so I did it the teacher took a Polaroid of each of us with our balloons and had us put them in the envelope along with our letter they also included another letter that I students explain the nature of the project and sincere appreciation for anyone's participation in writing back and sending photos of their city or neighborhood that was the whole idea to build a sense of community without having to leave the school and to establish safe contact with other people it seemed like such a fun idea over the next couple weeks the letters started to roll in most came with pictures of different landmarks and each time a letter would come in the teacher would pin the picture on a big wall map we had put up showing where the letter had come from and how far the balloon had traveled it was a really smart idea because we actually looked forward to coming to school to see if we had gotten our letter for the duration of the year we had one day a week where we could write back to our pen pal or another student's pen pal in case our letter hadn't come in yet mine was one of the last to arrive when I came into class I looked at my desk and once again didn't see a letter waiting for me but as I sat down the teacher approached me and handed me an envelope I must have looked so excited because as I was about to open it she put a hand of mine to stop me and said please don't be upset I didn't understand what she meant why would I be upset now that my letter had come initially I was mystified that she would even know what was in the envelope but now I realized that of course the teachers had screened the contents to make sure there was nothing obscene but all the same how could I be disappointed when I opened the envelope I understood there was no letter the only thing in the envelope was a Polaroid but I couldn't really make out what it was it looked like a patch of desert but it was too blurry to decipher it appeared as if the camera had been moved while the picture was being taken there was no return address so I couldn't even write back if I wanted to I was crushed the school year pressed on and the letters it stopped coming for nearly all of the other students after all you can only continue a written correspondence with a kindergartner for so long everyone including myself had lost interest in the letters almost completely then I got another envelope Mike Simon was rejuvenated and I reveled in the fact that I was still getting a letter when most of the other pen pals had abandoned their involvement it made sense that I received another delivery there had been nothing but a blurry picture in the first one so this was probably to make up for that but again there was no letter at all just the picture this one was more distinguishable but I still didn't understand it the photograph was angled way up catching the corner of a building and the rest of the image was distorted by a lens flare from the Sun because the blooms didn't travel very far and because they were all launched in the same day the board became a bit cluttered and so the policy for students tell exchanging letters became that they could take the photographs a whole my best friend Josh had the second highest number of pictures taken home by the end of the year his pen pal was really cooperative and sent him pictures from all around the neighboring City Josh took home I think four pictures I took home nearly 50 the envelopes are all opened by the teacher but after a while I stopped even looking at the pictures however I saved them in one of my drawers that house my collection of rocks baseball cards comic book cards Marvel metal cards for those who might remember and little miniature baseball battling helmets that I get out of a vending machine at a winn-dixie after t-ball games with the school year over my tension turned to other things my mom had gotten me a small snow cone machine for Christmas that year and Josh had really coveted it so much so that his parents bought him a slightly nicer one for his birthday which was toward the end of the school year that summer we had the idea that we would set up a snow cone stand to make money we thought we'd make a fortune selling snow cones a $1 Josh lived in a different neighborhood but we eventually decided that my neighborhood would be better because there were a lot of people who care for their lawns the yards in my neighborhood were slightly bigger we did this for five weekends in a row until my mom told us that we had to stop and I've only recently come to understand why she did that on the fifth weekend Josh and I worked counting our money because we both had a machine we each made a separate stack of money that we put together into one stack and we then split it evenly we had made a total of 16 dollars that day and as Josh paid out my fifth dollar a feeling of profound surprise consumed me the dollar said for stamps Josh noticed my shock and asked if he had miscounted I told him about the dollar and he said that's so cool man as I thought about it I came to agree the idea that the tava had made it right back to me after changing so many hands floored me I rushed inside to tell my mom but my excitement coupled with her being distracted by a phone call made my story incomprehensible and she responded simply by saying oh wow that's neat frustrated I ran back outside and told Josh I'd something to show him back in my room I opened the drawer and took out the stack of envelopes and showed him some of the pictures I started with the first place and we went through about 10 before Josh lost interest and asked if I wanted to go play in the ditch a dirt ditch down the street from my house before his mom came to pick him up so that's what we did we had a dirt war for a while but it was interrupted several times by rustling in the woods around us there were raccoons and stray cats that lived in there but this was making a little too much noise and we traded guesses as to what it was an attempt to scare each other my last guess was that it was a mummy but in the end Josh kept insisting that it was a robot because of the sound that we heard before we left he got a little serious and looked me right in the eye and said you heard it didn't you it sounded like a robot you heard it too right I had heard it and since it sounded mechanical I agreed that it was probably a robot it's only now that I understand what we heard when we got back Josh's mom was waiting for him in the kitchen table with my mom just told his mom about the robot our mom's laughed and Josh went home my mom and I ate dinner and then I went to bed I didn't stay in bed for long before I crept out and decided due to the day's events I would revisit the envelope since now the whole affair seems much more interesting I took the first envelope and set it on the floor and said the blurry desert Polaroid on top I laid the second envelope right next to it and place the oddly angled Polaroid of the building's top corner on top and did this with each picture until they formed a grid that was about 5 by 10 I was always taught to be careful with things that I was collecting even if I wasn't sure they were valuable I noticed that the pictures gradually became more decipherable there was a tree with a bird on it a speed limit sign powerline a group of people walking into some building and then I saw something that vexed me so powerfully that I can now as I tell this distinctly remember feeling dizzy and capable of only a single repeated thought why am I in this picture in this photograph of the group of people entering the building I saw myself holding hands with my mother in the very back of the crowd of people we were at the very edge of the photo but it was undeniably us and as my eyes swam over the sea of Polaroids I became increasingly anxious it was a really odd feeling it wasn't fear it was the feeling you get when you're in trouble I'm not sure why I was flooded with that feeling but there I was floundering in the distant sense that I'd done something wrong and this feeling only intensified as I looked on at the rest of the photos after that one that had so powerfully struck me I was in every photo none of them were close shots none of them were only of me but I was in every single one of them after the side in the back bottom of the frame some of them only had the tiniest part of my face captured at a very edge of a photo but nevertheless I was there I was always there I didn't know what to do your mind works in funny ways as a kid but there was a large part of me that was afraid of getting in trouble simply for being up since I already had the looming feeling of having done something wrong I decided that I would wait until tomorrow the next day my mom was off work and spent most of the morning cleaning up around the house I watched cartoons I imagined and waited until I thought it was a good time to show her the Polaroids when she went out to get the mail I grabbed a couple of pictures and put them on a table in front of me as I sat waiting for her to come back in when she returned she was already opening the mail and threw some junk mail into the trashcan and I said mom can you come here for a second I had these pictures just give me a second honey I need to mark these on the calendar after a minute or two she came and stood behind me and asked me what I needed I could hear a shuffling with a male behind me but I just looked at the Polaroids and told her about them as I explained more and pointed to the pictures her frequent hearse and OK's decreased and she was suddenly completely quiet and only making a little noise with the mail the next noise I heard from her sounded as if she was trying to catch a breath in a room that had no air left in it at last her struggling gasps were conquered and she simply dropped the remaining mail on the table and ran to the kitchen to get the phone Marmont sorry I didn't know about these don't be mad at me with the phone pressed against the ear she was walking and running back and forth and shouting into it a nervous Lea fiddled with a male sitting next to my Polaroids the top envelope had something sticking out of it that I thoughtlessly and anxiously pulled on until it came out it was another Polaroid confused I thought that somehow one of my Polaroid said slipped into the stack when she threw the mail down but when I turned it over and looked at it I realized that I had not seen this one before to my dismay it was me but this one was a much closer shot I was surrounded by trees and was smiling but it wasn't just me I noticed Joshua's there too this was us from yesterday I started yelling for my mom who was still screaming into the phone I repeatedly yelled for her until she finally responded with what and I could only think to ask who are you calling I'm talking with the police honey but why I'm sorry I didn't mean to do anything she answered me with the response that I never understood until I was forced to revisit these events from the earliest years of my life she grabbed the envelope off the table and the picture of Josh and I spun and slid Lanning makes the the other Polaroids in front of me she held the envelope up to my eyes but I could only look at her and watch as all the collar began draining out of her face with tears welling up in her eyes she said that she had to call the police because there was no postmark [Music] for those of you who have listened to my other stories and asked if there was more and received cryptic answers from me I want to apologize for being dishonest I said several times in the comments that nothing really happened after footsteps but that wasn't true the events of the following story weren't locked away in the recesses of my mind I've always remembered them it wasn't until I remembered balloons and smoke with my mother about the following events that I realized how intertwined this story was with everything else but I originally hadn't really planned on sharing this anyway my desire to withhold this memory was due mostly to the fact that I don't think I showed good judgment in it I also wanted consent from another person to tell it so as to not misrepresent what transpired I didn't expect there to be a lot of interest in my other stories so I never really thought I'd really get pressed for more details and I would have been happy to keep this to myself for the rest of my life I haven't been able to reach the other party but I would feel disingenuous withholding this story from those who wanted more information now that I've spoken with my mother ends another connecting line that has been drawn what follows is as accurate a recollection as I could manage I apologize for the length I spent the summer before my first year of elementary school learning how to climb trees there was one particular pine tree right outside my house that seemed almost designed for me it had branches that were so low I could easily grab them without a boost and for the first couple days after I first learned how to pull myself up I would just sit on Lois branch dangling my feet the tree was outside our back fence and was easily visible from the kitchen window which was just above the sink before too long my mother and I developed a routine where I would go play on the tree when she washed the dishes because she could easily see me while she did other things as the summer passed my abilities grew ones before too long I was climbing fairly high as the tree got taller its branches not only got thinner but more widely spaced eventually reached the point where I couldn't really climb any higher and so the game had to change I began to concentrate on speed and in the end I could reach my highest branch in 25 seconds I got too confident one afternoon I tried to step from a branch before I had firmly grasped the next one I fell about 20 feet and broke my arm really bad in two places my mom was running towards me yelling and I remember her sounded like she was under water I don't remember what she said but I do remember being surprised by just how white my bone was I was going to start kindergarten with a cast and wouldn't even have friends to sign it my mom must have felt terrible because the day before I started school she brought home a kitten he was just the baby and was striped with tan and white as soon as she put him down he crawled into an antique ace of soda that was sitting on the floor I named him boxes boxes was only an outside cat when he escaped my mom hadn't declawed so he wouldn't destroy the furniture so as a result we did our best to keep him inside he'd get out every now and then and we'd find him somewhere in the backyard chasing some kind of bug or lizard though he could hardly ever catch one because he had no front claws it was pretty evasive but we'd always catch him and carry him back inside he'd scramble to look back over my shoulder I told my mom that it was because he was planning his strategy for the next time once inside we give him some tuna fish and he came to learn what the sound of the can opener might signal he'd come running whenever he heard it this conditioning came in handy later because towards the end of our time in the house boxes would get out much more often and would run under the house into the crawl space where neither of us wanted to follow because it was cramped and probably crawling with bugs and rodents ingeniously my mum thought to hook the can opener to an extension cord out the back and run it right outside the hole that boxes had gone through eventually he would emerge with his loud meows looking excited by the sound and then horrified at how we could run such a cruel ruse on him a can opener with no tuna made no sense the boxes the last time he escapes to under the house was actually our last day in it my mum had put the house on the market and we had begun packing our things didn't have much and we stretched the packing out a while though I had already packed up all my clothes at my mom's request my mum could tell I was really sad about moving and wanted the transition to be smooth for me and I guess she thought that having my clothes in the box would reinforce the idea that we were moving but things wouldn't change that much when boxes got out as we were loading up some things into the van my mum cursed because she had already packed the can opener and wasn't sure where it was I pretended to go look for it so I wouldn't have to go under the house and my mom probably completely aware of my little scam moved one of the panels and crawled in she came out with boxes pretty quickly and seemed pretty unnerved which made me feel even better about getting out of it my mom made some phone calls while I packed a little more and then she came into my room and told me that she had spoken to the realtor and we were going to start moving into the other house that day she said it like it was excellent news but I thought we had more time in the house she originally said that we weren't moving until the end of next week and it was only Tuesday what's more we weren't completely finished packing but my mom said sometimes it was just easier to replace things than pack them and hold them all over the city I didn't even get to grab the rest of my boxed clothes I asked if I could call Josh to say goodbye but she said that we could just call him from a new house we left in the moving van I managed to stay in touch with Josh for years which is surprising since we no longer went to the same school our parents weren't close friends but they knew that we were and so they would accommodate our desire to see one another by driving us back and forth for sleepovers sometimes every weekend for Christmas one year our parents even pulled their money and got us some really nice walkie-talkies that were advertised the work across a range that extended past the distance between our houses they also had batteries that could last the days if the walkie-talkie was unbuttoned used they would only occasionally work well enough that we could talk across the city but when we stayed over we used them around the house talking in mock radio speak that we had taken from movies and they works great for that thanks to our parents we were still friends when we were 10 one weekend I was staying over at Josh's and my mum called me to say goodnight she was still pretty watchful even when she couldn't actually watch me but I had gotten used to it that I didn't even notice it even if Josh did she sounded upset boxes was missing this must have been a Saturday night because I'd spent the night at Josh's the previous night and was going to go home the next day because we had school on Monday boxes had been missing since Friday afternoon I gathered that she had not seen him since returning home after dropping me off she must have decided to tell me he was missing because if he didn't come home before I did then I would be devastated at not only his absence but how she could have kept this from me she told me not to worry he'll come back he always does but boxes didn't come back three weekends later I stayed at Josh's again I was still upset about boxes but my mum told me that there had been many times when pets had disappeared from homes for weeks or even months only to return on their own she said they always knew where home was and would always try to get back I was explaining this to Josh when I thought hit me so hard that I interrupted my own sentence to say it out loud what if boxes thought of the wrong home Joshua was confused what he lives with you he knows where his home is but he grew up somewhere else Josh he was raised in my old home a couple neighborhoods away maybe he still thinks of that place as home like I do oh I get it well that'd be great we'll tell my dad tomorrow and he'll take us over there so we can look no he won't man my mom said that we couldn't ever go back to that place because the new owners wouldn't want to be bothered she said that she told your mom and dad the same thing Josh persisted okay then we'll just go out exploring tomorrow and make our way to your old house no if we get spotted your dad will find out and then so all my mom will have to go there ourselves we'll have to go there tonight it didn't take that much convincing to get Josh and bored since he was usually the one to come up with ideas like this but we had never snuck out of this house before it actually turned out to be incredibly easy the window in his room opened to the back yard and he had a latched wooden fence that wasn't locked even after those two minor hurdles we slipped off into the night flashlights and walkie-talkies in hand there were two ways to get from Josh's house to my old house we could walk on the street and make all the turns or go through the woods which would take about half the time it would have taken about two hours to walk there taking the streets but I suggested that we go that way anyway I told him it was because I didn't want to get lost Josh refused and said that if we were seen they might recognize him and tell his dad he threatened to go home if we didn't just take the shortcut and I accepted it because I didn't want to go by myself Josh didn't know about the last time I walked through these woods at night the woods were pretty much less creepy with a friend and a flashlight and we were making pretty good time I wasn't entirely sure where we were but but Josh seemed confident enough and that bolstered my morale we passed through a particularly thick patch of tangled trees when the strap of my walkie-talkie got caught on a branch Josh had the flashlight and so I was struggling to get my walkie-talkie free when I heard Josh say hey man want to go for a swim I looked over to where he was shining the flashlight though I closed my eyes as I did because I now knew where we were he was pointing at the pool float this was where I'd woken up in these woods all those years ago I felt a lump in my throat and this thing of fresh tears in my eyes as I continued to struggle with the walkie frustrated I yanked and it hard enough to break it free and I turned and walked to Josh who had partially laid down on the pool float in a mock sunbathing pose as I walked toward him I stumbled and nearly fell into a fairly large hole that was sitting in the middle of this small clearing but I regained my balance and stopped right at its edge it was deep I was surprised by the size of the hole but more surprised by the fact that I didn't remember it I realized it must not have been there that night because it was in the same spot where I had awoken I put it out my mind and turned to Josh quit messing around man you saw I was stuck over there you were just lying here joking around in his float I punctuated the sentence with a kick to the exposed part of the float the screeching rose from it Josh's smile inverted he suddenly looked terrified and was struggling to get off the float but he couldn't in a quick manner due to the awkward way he had been laying on it each time he would fall back on the floats the screeching would intensify I wanted to help Josh but I couldn't move myself any closer my legs wouldn't cooperate I hated these woods I picked up the flash like that he had thrown in his thrashing and shined it in on the float not knowing what to expect finally just got off the float and rushed snakes to me looking at where I was shining the light suddenly there it was it was a rat I started laughing nervously and we both watched the rat run into the woods taking the screeches with it Josh lightly punched me in the arm the smile slowly returning to his face and we continued walking we quicken our pace and made it out of the woods faster than we thought we would and we found ourselves back in my old neighborhood the last time I had rounded the bend ahead I had seen my house fully illuminated and all the memories of what transpired came flooding back I felt a skipping in my hearts as we were finally turning the corner and about to face the full view of my house remembering the last time how incandescent it was but this time all the lights were off from a distance I could see my old climbing tree and as my mind traced the steps of Casualty backward I realized that I wouldn't be back here this night if that tree hadn't grown and I was briefly in or of how all events were like that as we got closer I could see that the lawn looked terrible I couldn't even guess when it had last been mowed one of the shutters had partially broke loose and was rocking back and forth in the breeze and overall the house just looked dirty I was sad to see my old home in such a state of disrepair why would my mom care if we bothered the new owners if they cared so little about where they lived and then I realized there were no new owners the house was abandoned though it looked simply forsaken why would my mom lie to me about our house having new people in it but I thought that this was actually a good thing it would be easier to look around for boxes if we didn't have to worry about being spotted by the new family this would make it much quicker Josh interrupted my thoughts as we walked through Gate and up to the house itself your old house sucks dude just yelled as quietly as he could shop Josh even like this it's still nicer than your house hey man okay okay I think boxes is probably under the house one of us has to go under and look but the other should stay next to the opening in case he comes running out are you serious there's no way I'm going under there it's your cat man you do it look I'll gave me for it unless you're too scared I said holding my fist over my upturned palm fine but we go on shoot not on three it's Rock Paper Scissors shoot not one two three I know how to play the game Josh you're the one always messing up and it's two out of three I lost I wiggled loose the panel that my mom would always move when she had to crawl under here for boxes she only had to do it a couple of times since they can open a trick he usually worked but when she had to do it she hated it especially that last time and as I look into the darkness of the crawl space I had a greater appreciation for why before we moved she said that it was actually better that boxes ran under there despite how hard it could be to get him out it was less dangerous than him jumping over the fence and running around the neighborhood all that was true but I was still dreading doing this I grabbed the flashlights and the walkie-talkie and began to crawl in a powerful smell overtook me it smell like death I turn down my walkie Josh are you there this is much a man come back Josh cut it out there's something wrong down here what do you mean it stinks it smells like something died boxes I really hope not I set down the walkie-talkie and move the flashlight around as I crawled forward looking through the hole from outside you could see all the way back with the right lighting but you had to be inside to see around the support blocks that held up the house I'd say that there was about 40% of the area that you couldn't see unless you were actually in the crawl space but even inside I discovered that I could only see directly where the flashlight was pointing I realized that this would make scouting around the place much more difficult as I moved forward the smell intensified the fear was grown in me that boxes had come here and something had happened to him I shined the flashlight around but couldn't see much of anything I wrapped my fingers around the support block to pull myself forward and as I did that I felt something that made my hand recoil fur my heart sank and I prepare myself emotionally for what I was about to see I quote slowly so I could prolong what I knew was coming and I inched my eyes and flashlight past the block to see what was on the other side I staggered back in horror Jesus Christ escaped my trembling mouth it was a hideous and twisted creature badly decomposed its skin had rotted away in its face so the teeth appeared to be enormous and the smell was unbearable I said okay it's a boxes I reached for the walkie no it's not boxes I don't know I shine the lights on it and looked at it with less fear in my vision I chuckled it's a raccoon no Josh don't go in there what if boxes is down here and he runs out he can't back up I looked back and saw that he was telling the truth some of his points were good and I doubted that he'd be able to get in anyway okay but be careful and don't touch anything there's a bunch of my old clothes still in boxes in my room you can look him there to see if he crawled in one and make sure to bring your walkie Roger that buddy I realized that it would be pitch black in there the power would have been turned off since no one was paying the bill with any luck he'd be able to see from the streetlights that might cast some light inside otherwise I'm not sure before too long I heard footsteps over my head and raining down on me I could him laughing without the walkie and I started laughing too I heard the footsteps fade away a little he was on his way to my room yeah there should be a couple boxes in front of the closet are to thinking that maybe my mama had come back and got in the clothes and just given them away because I don't grown a lot of them but I remembered leaving the boxes there I didn't even have time to close the last one before we left while I was waiting for Josh to tell me what he found I kicked out my leg which it started falling asleep because of the position I was in and I hit something I looked back and saw something really strange it was a blanket and all around it there were balls I crawled a little closer to it the blanket smelled moldy and most of the balls were empty but wanted something that I recognized still in it cat food it was a different kind than we gave to boxes but I suddenly understood my mom had set up a little place for boxes to encourage him to come here instead of running around the neighborhood that made a lot of sense and it seemed even more likely that boxes would have come back to this place that's so cool mom I thought oh how cool where were the boxes I felt a chill this was impossible I packed all my clothes even though we weren't supposed to move for another two weeks when we left I remember packing them and thinking that it was stupid for me to have to get clothes out the boxes and then put them back in I packed them but someone had to hung them back up why though Josh needed to get out of there that can't be right Josh they're supposed to be in boxes stop messing around them just come back outside what what do you mean silence [Music] I checked my walkie to see if I had switched it off somehow it was fine I could hear footsteps but couldn't tell exactly where Joshua's going I waited for Josh to finish his sentence thinking that his finger had just slipped off the button but he didn't continue he seemed to be stomping around the house now I was just about to radio him when he came back his voice was hushed and broken I could hear was on the verge of tears I wanted to respond but how loud was his walkie turned up what if the other person had had heard it I said nothing and just waited and listened what I heard were footsteps heavy dragging footsteps and then a loud thud oh god Josh he had been found I'm sure of it this person had found him and was hurting him I broke out in tears he was my only friend next the boxes and then I realized what if Josh told him I was under here what could I possibly do as I struggled to compose myself I thankfully heard Josh's voice through the walkie I was paralyzed I wanted to run home I wanted to save Josh I wanted to go for help I wanted so many things but I just lay there frozen as I lay unable to move my eyes focus on the corner of the house that was right under my room I moved my flashlight my breath hitched at what I saw animals dozens of them all of them dead their lame piles all around the perimeter of the crawlspace could boxes being one of these corpses was this what the cat food is for seeing this broke my shock as I knew I had to get out of there and I scrambled to the board I pushed on it but it wouldn't budge I couldn't move it because it was wedged in there and I couldn't get my fingers around it since the edges were outside I was trapped god damn you Josh I whispered to myself I could feel thunderous footsteps above me the house was shaking I heard just scream and it was matched by another scream that wasn't full of fear as I continued pushing I thought the board move but I knew it wasn't me who was moving it I could hear footsteps above me and in front of me and shouting and screaming filling the brief silences between the footsteps I moved back and held Milwaukee ready to tried defend myself and the board was thrown to the side and then armed shut in and grabbed for me let's go man now it was Josh thank God I scrambled out of the opening holding the flashlight and the walkie when we got to the fence we both jumped it but Josh's walkie fell he reached for it and I told him to forget it we had to move behind us I could hear yelling though they weren't words only sounds and we perhaps foolishly ran for the woods to get back to Josh's quicker and be somewhat harder to follow the whole way through the woods Josh kept yelling my picture he took my picture but I knew the man already had Josh's picture from all those years ago at the ditch as opposed Josh still thought those mechanical sounds were from a robot we made it back to Josh's house and back into his room before his parents woke up I asked him about the big bag and if it really moved and he said he couldn't be sure he kept apologizing about dropping the walkie at the house but obviously that wasn't a big deal we didn't go to sleep and sat peering out the window waiting for him I went home later that day as it was around 3:00 a.m. already I told my mom the basics of this story a couple of days ago she broke down and was furious about the danger I put myself in I asked her why she made all those things up about bothering the new owners to stop me from going why did she think the house was so dangerous she became irate and hysterical but she answered my question she grabbed my hand and squeezed it harder than I thought her capable of and locked her eyes to mine whispering as if she was afraid of being overheard because I never put any damn blankets or balls under the house for boxes you weren't the only one to find them I felt dizzy I understood so much now I understood why she had looked so uneasy after she brought boxes out from under the house and our last day there she found me more than spiders or rats nests that day I understood why we left almost two weeks early I understood why she tried to stop me from going back she knew she knew he made his home under us and she kept it from me I left without saying another word and didn't finish the story for her but I wanted to finish it here for you I got home from Josh's that day and threw my stuff on the floor and it scattered everywhere I didn't care I just wanted to sleep I woke up around 9:00 p.m. to the sound of boxes meowing my heart let he'd finally come home I was a little sick about the facts that if I just waited a day none of the previous night's events would have happened and I'd have boxes anyway but that didn't matter he was back he was back I got off my bed and called for him looking around to catch a glint of lights off his eyes the crying continued and I followed it it was coming from under the bed I laughed a little thinking I just crawled under a house looking for him and how this was so much better his meows were being muffled by a shirt so I flung it aside and smiled yelling welcome home boxes his cries were coming from my walkie-talkie boxes never came home there was a common in the last video that made me remember an event from my childhood that I always took as odd but never considered it to be related to any of these stories I know now that it is it's funny our memories work the details might all be present in your mind though scattered and disarrayed and then a single thought can stitch them back together almost instantly I never thought of these events much because I was focused on the wrong details I went back to my mom's house and went through my old childhood schoolwork looking for something that I think is important I couldn't find it but I'll keep looking again sorry for the length most old cities and neighborhoods in them weren't planned with the thought that the population would begin to grow exponentially and it would have to be accommodated the layout of the roads is generally originally in response to geographical restrictions and the necessity of connecting points of economic importance once the connecting roads are established new businesses and roads are positioned strategically along the existing skeleton and eventually the paths carved into the earth are immortalized in asphalt leaving room only for minor modifications additions and alterations but never a dramatic change my childhood neighborhood must have been old then if straight lines move as the crow flies then my neighborhood must have been built based on the travels of a snake the first house built must have been placed around the Lycans gradually the inhabitable area increased as new extensions were built off the original path but these new extensions all ended abruptly at one point for another there was only one entrance / exit for the entire neighborhood many of these extensions were limited by a tributary which both fed and drank from the lake and and passed right by what I came to call and have called in these stories the ditch many of the original homes had enormous yards but some of those original parts have been divided leaving properties with smaller and smaller boundaries an aerial view of my neighborhood would give one the impression that an enormous squid had once died in the woods and some adventuring entrepreneur found the corpse and paved roads over its tentacles only to withdraw his involvement and leave time greed and desperation to divide up the land among the prospective homeowners like an embarrassing attempt at the golden radio from my porch you could see the old houses that surrounded the lake but the houses of mrs. McGee was my favorite she was as best as I could remember around 80 years old but despite that she was one of the friendliest people I had ever met she had a head of a loose set white curls and always wore light dresses with floral patterns she would talk to me and Josh from a back porch when we were swimming in the lake and she would always invite us in for snacks she said that she was lonely because her husband tom was always away on business but Josh and I would always decline her invitation because as nice as mrs. Maggie was there was still something a bit odd about her every now and then when we would swim away she would say Chris and John you're welcome here anytime and we could hear still yelling that when we were walking away into my house mrs. Maggie like many of the other older homeowners had a sprinkler system that was on a timer though at some points over the years her timer must have been broken because the sprinklers would come on at various points during the day and often even at all night while it never got cold enough to snow very much several times each winter I would go outside in the morning to see mrs. Maggie's yard transformed into a surreal Arctic paradise by the frozen water every other yards that sterilized and dry by the biting frost of the winters cold but right there in the middle of the Bleak reminder of the savagery of the season was an oasis of beautiful ice hanging like icicles from every branch of every tree and every leaf of every bush as the Sun rose it reflected off and each piece of ice spins at the Sun into a rainbow that would only be viewed briefly before it blinded you even as a child I was struck by how beautiful it was and often Josh and I would go over there to walk on the ice grass and have sword fights with the icicles I want to ask my mom why she left it unlike that my mom seemed to search for any explanation before she said well sweetie mrs. McGee is sick a lot and sometimes when she gets really sick she gets confused that's why she messes up yours and Josh's name sometimes she doesn't mean to but sometimes she just can't remember she lives in that big house all by herself so it's okay if you talk to her while you swim in the lake but when she invites you in you should keep saying no be polite her feelings won't get hurt but she'll be less lonely when her husband comes home right how long will he be away on business it seems like he's always away my mom seemed to struggle and I could see that she had become very upset finally she answered honey Tom's not going to come home Tom's in heaven he died years and years ago but mrs. McGee doesn't remember she gets confused and forgets but Tom's not ever coming home if someone moved back in with her she might even think it was Tom but he's gone sweetie I would have only been around five or six when she told me that and while I didn't understand it completely I was still profoundly sad for mrs. McGee I know now that mrs. McGee had Alzheimer's she and her husband Tom had two sons Chris and John the two had worked out payment plans with the utility companies and paid for mrs. McGee's water and electricity but they would never visit her I don't know if something happened between them or if it was the illness or if they just live too far away but they never came around I have no idea what they looked like but there were times when mrs. McGee must have thought Josh and I looks like they did when they were children or maybe she saw that some parts of her mind so desperately wanted to see ignoring the images transmitted down her ups ignorance just for a little while showing her what used to be I realized only now how lonely she must have been [Music] during the summer after kindergarten before the events of balloons Josh and I had taken to exploring the woods near my house as well as the tributary of the lake we knew that the woods between our houses were connected and we thought it would be neat if the lake near my house was somehow connected to the creek around his so we resolved ourselves to find out you were going to make Maps the plan was to make two separate maps and then combine them we'd make one map exploring the area around the creek near his house and make another following the outflow from my lake originally we were going to make one map but we realized that was impossible since I started drawing the map of my area so huge that the route from his house wouldn't have been to scale we kept the map from the lake at my house and the map from the creek at his house and we would add to each when we stayed the night at each others for the first couple weeks it went really well we would walk through the woods along the water and pause every couple minutes to add to the map and it seems like the two maps would come together any day we had no equipment needed for the job not even a compass but we tried to make two we had the idea to impale the earth with a stick when we had reached the end of the venture so that if we came upon the stick from the other direction the next weekend we would know we had joined the maps we might have been the world's worst categories eventually however the woods became too thick near the water coming from the lake and we were unable to proceed further we lost interest in the whole project for a bit and reduced our explorations significantly though not completely when we started selling snow cones after I showed my mom all the pictures I taken from the school and she took away my snow cone machine our interest in the maps revitalized we had come up with another plan although I didn't understand why my mom had placed what I considered to be extreme severe restrictions on what I could do and where I could go and I had to check in frequently if I went outside to play with Josh this meant that we couldn't stay in the woods for hours and continued to look for a new path we thought that we could just swim when we got to the cutoff in the woods but that clearly wouldn't work since the map would get wet we tried going faster when we were coming from Josh's house while we eventually ran into the same problem then we had a brilliant idea we'd build a raft due to the construction in the neighborhood there was a large amount of scrapped building material that the company would set in the ditch to keep it out of the road and off site since they no longer needed it for building we originally conceived of a formidable ship complete with a mass than an anchor but this quickly diminished into something more manageable we set aside the wouldn't took several large pieces of styrofoam that were backed with foam board and tie them together with rope and kite string we launched our vessel a little down water from mrs. McGee and waved the farewell to her as she motioned us to come back away but there was no stopping us the raft worked very well and while we both behaved and spoke as if the functionality of the raft was a given I know at least I was a little surprised we each had a fairly long tree branch to use as a paddle but we found it was easier to simply push against the land onto the water then actually use them as intended when the water became too deep we simply lie in our stomachs and use our hands to paddle the water which still worked I'll be less well the first time we had to resort to that method of proportion I remember thinking that from far above it must have looked like a colossal fat man with tiny arms was out for a swim it actually took us several trips to get the raft to the impassable patch of woods that marked the farthest we had ever made it after we had come up with the idea of marking the ground with the stick we had taken to running through the woods until we got to the stick and then as carefully and precisely as we knew how charting our course this meant that the impassable was actually quite a bit away so to sail from around my house all the way to the blockade in the woods was taking longer than expected we'd sailed for a bit and then docked the raft and then next time we'd run through the woods to the raft and go a little farther we continued this well endure with the first grade Josh and I were assigned to different groups that year so since we didn't really see one another during the school day our parents were more willing to let us hang out all weekend each week what's more Josh's dad had taken on a lengthy construction job that required him to work over the weekends and his mother was on call so this meant Josh would stay at my house most every week for weeks on end we should have been making excellent progress but when we finally made it to the impasse and had the opportunity to explore past it we couldn't find a place to dock the raft the woods were simply too thick and the water eroded the land to the point that there was nearly two-foot rise of earth over the tributary which exposed the twisting and damp roots of the trees above we'd have to turn back every time and leave the raft at the same thick of trees that prompted us to build it in the first place even worse winter had arrived so we couldn't justify leaving the house in our swimsuits we were getting nowhere we always had to come home before we could gain much ground on a Saturday around 7:00 p.m. Josh and I were playing when one of my mom's co-workers knocked on our door her name was Samantha and I remember her well now because I would propose to her a couple years later when I was visiting my mom at work my mom said that she had to go to work to fix a problem that and that she'd be back in about two hours her car was being repaired so she'd have to ride with Samantha but I gathered that the problem was Samantha's fault and discussing it in the car was why it would only take two hours she said that under no circumstances were we to leave the house or open the door for anyone and she was in the middle of explaining that she would call every hour when she got there to check in but she ended that statement prematurely when she remembered that our phone had been turned off for delinquent payments this is why Samantha had just come by unannounced she looked me dead in the eye as she was closing the door and said stay put this was our chance we watched the drive down the serpentine Road toward the exit and as soon as the car around in the last visible Bend we ran back to my room I dumped my back back out while just grabbed the map hey do you have a flashlight just shined no but we'll be back before dark I was thinking just in case we should have one my mom has one but I don't know where she keeps it wait I ran into my closet and pulled the box down from the top shelf you have a flashlight in there Josh asked not exactly I open the box and revealed three roman candles that i taken from the pile that my mother at a mast for the fourth of July that past summer along with the lighter that I had managed to take from her months before this would ensure that we at least had some lights if we needed it this was a little bit before I had been given an opportunity to be afraid of the woods that night so it wasn't fear that motivated our search for a light source only practicality we threw it all in the backpack and bolted out the back door making sure to close it so boxes wouldn't get out we had one hour and 50 minutes we ran through the woods as fast as we could and made it to the raft in about 15 minutes we had our bathing suits on under our clothes so we stripped off our shirts and shorts and left them in two separate piles about four feet from the edge of the water we untied the raft from the tree grabbed our branch paddles and cast off we tried to move rapidly to reach a point beyond the contents of our ever-expanding map as we didn't have time to waste singled sites we knew that we were slower in the raft then on hand and that we would be in our raft for quite a while after the cutoff since the woods were too thick to walk through and there was in a place too dark this meant that we'd have to ride the raft back to the original docking site even if we found a new place to dock it further ahead after we passed the last charted part of our map the water began to get really deep and eventually we could no longer touch the bottom with our tree branches so we lay in our stomachs and paddle with our hands it was getting darker and as a result it was becoming harder to distinguish the trees from one another we were both becoming slightly unnerved in the interest of making good time we were paddling faster with our arms but this caused a lot of noise as our hands repeatedly confronted and then broke through the water's surface tension during these periods we could both hear the crunching of dead leaves and the snapping of fallen sticks in the woods to our rights as we would slow our pace and quiet our actions the rustling in the woods would cease and we began to wonder if it really was ever there at all we didn't know what kinds of animals resided this far into the woods but we did know that we didn't wish to find out as Josh amended the map that I was illuminating with a lighter we were suddenly confronted with the fact that the sounds were not imagined rapidly and rhythmically we heard crunch snap crunch he seemed to be moving slightly away from us pushing through the woods just beyond a map it had become too dark to see we had misjudged how long the Sun would linger nervously I called out hello there was a brief moment of breathless tension as we lay static in the water his silence was suddenly broken by laughter hello hello Josh cackles so what hello mr. monster in the woods I know you're sneaking around but maybe I'll answer my hello hello I realized how stupid it was whatever animal it was it wouldn't respond I hadn't even realized I'd said it until afterwards but if anything was actually there I obviously wouldn't get a reply just continued hello in a high falsetto hello I countered with as deep a baritone as I could manage hello there mate hello beep boop hello we continued mocking each other and we're in the process of turning the raft around to head back when we heard hello it was whispered and forced as if it were powered by the last breath in a pair of deflating lungs but it didn't sound sickly it had come from the spot just off the map which now sat behind us since we turned the raft around I slowly shifted on the raft and face the direction of the sound as I fumbled with a roman candle I wanted to see what are you doing Josh hissed but I had already let it as the spark fuse sunk into the wrapper I held it towards the sky I never actually shot one of these myself and thought to just use it like a flare in the movies a glowing green orb rocketed out towards the stars and then quickly extinguished I lowered my arm more toward the horizon I could remember that there were several colors but I couldn't remember how many times one of these fired before being depleted a second ball of red light burst out and whistled above the trees but I saw nothing as just go man Josh breasts as he turned to face the direction back home and began paddling desperately just one more I load my arm directly at the woods in front of me another red ball of fire was launched from the two it traveled straight ahead until it collided with a tree briefly exploding with light in a much greater diameter still nothing I trap to the firework in the water and watch there's one more struggling fireball burst free only to quickly die suffocated by the water as you began paddling in the direction toward my house we heard a loud and unconcealed rustling in the woods the breaking of branches and the trampling of fallen leaves overpowered the sound of us splashing it was running in a panic we just the raft too violently and I felt one of the ropes under my chest loosen Josh be careful but it was too late our raft was breaking before too long it had completely fallen apart we each held on to a separate piece of styrofoam but the pieces weren't big enough to keep us completely afloat and our legs dangle that beneath us in the winter water Josh quick I yelled as I pointed at the water right next to him he scrambled but it was too cold to move quickly and we both watched as the map floated away I I'm cold man Josh that'd dejectedly that's let's get out of the water we approached the shore but each time we attempted to pull ourselves up with a frantic rustling thundering towards us from the woods just above eventually he we were too cold and betta even try anymore steadily we kicked our legs and found ourselves nearing the dark side we toppled off the debris and tried to pull it on land but just quickly slipped away and floated in the direction of the lake we took off our swimsuits and were desperate to get into dry clothes to shield us from the biting chill of the air I said my shorts but there was something wrong I turned to Josh where's my shirt man where's my shirt he shrugged and suggested maybe got knocked into the water and floated into the lake I told Josh to go back to my house and to say that we were playing hide-and-seek if my mom was home I had to find my shirt I ran behind the houses and peered out over the water and scouted along the shoreline it occurred to me that with any luck maybe I could find the map too I was moving pretty fast because I needed to get home and was about to give up when my concentration was interrupted by a sound coming from just behind me hello I whipped around it was mrs. McGee I'd never seen her at night before and in this poor light she looked exceedingly frail the usual warmth that wrapped a man has seemed to have been snuffed out by the chill I couldn't remember ever seeing her without a smile and so her face looked strange hello mrs. Maggie oh hi Kris the warmth and smile had returned to her even if the memories had not I couldn't see it was you in the dark there jokingly I asked her if she was going to invite me in for a snack but she said maybe another time I was too busy looking for my map and the shirts to really engage her but she sounded happy so I didn't feel bad she said a couple other things but I was too distracted to pay attention I said good night and ran down her driveway toward my house behind me I could see her walking across the frozen yard but I didn't turn around to wave I had to get home I made it home a couple minutes before my mom did and by the time she came in Josh and I had already changed clothes and warmed up we gotten away with it even though we'd lost the map couldn't find it now but I saw mrs. Maggie she called me Kris again I'm telling you dude just be glad you've never seen her at night we both laughed and he asked me if she invited me in for a snack joking that the snacks must have been terrible since she couldn't even give them away I told him that she didn't and he was surprised and now that I had time to think about it so was I literally every time we had seen her she had invited us in for snacks and here I had albeit sarcastically invited myself and she said no as Josh talked more about mrs. Maggie I suddenly realized that the lighter might still be my pocket and that it will be disastrous for my month to find I grabbed the shorts off the floor and patted the pockets I felt something but it wasn't the lighter from my backpack I slid out a folded piece of paper and my heart left the map I thought but I watched it float away as I unfolded the paper my stomach turned as I tried to understand what I was seeing drawn on the paper inside of a large oval with two stick figures holding hands one was much bigger than the other but neither had faces the paper was torn so part of it was missing and there was a number written near the top corner it was either 15 or 16 I nervously handed Josh the paper and asked him if he had put it in my pocket at some point but he scoffed at the idea and asked why I was so upset I pointed toward the smaller figure and what was written next to it it was my initials I shook it off and told Josh the rest of the conversation between mrs. Maggie and I I'd always attributed the odd exchange to her being sick until I revisited the events in my mind all these years later as I think about it now the feeling of profound sadness for mrs. McGee returns but it is augmented by a looming feeling of despair when I think about why she said maybe another time I knew what she had said but I didn't understand what it meant that night I didn't understand what her words meant weeks later when I watched men in strange orange biohazard suits carry what I thought were black bags full of garbage out of a house or why the whole neighborhood smelled like death that day I still didn't understand when they condemned the house and boarded it up a little while before he moved but I understand now I understand why her last words the mean was so important even if neither she nor I realized at the time mrs. McGee had told me that night that Tom had come home but I now know who really had moved in just as I now know why I never saw her body brought out on a stretcher the bags one filled with garbage [Music] [Music] I've intentionally withheld some details from a lot of my stories I've let my hopes concerning the way things might be influenced my evaluation of the way they actually are I don't think there's any point of that anymore at the end of the summer between kindergarten and first grade I caught the stomach flu this has all of the components of the regular flu however with the stomach flu you throw up in a bucket and not the toilet because you are sitting on it the sickness gets purged from both ends this lasted for about ten days but just before it had passed the sickness was granted an extension in the form of pinkeye my eyelids were so fused together by the dried mucus generated during the night that the first day I woke with the infection I thought I had gone blind when I started first grade I had a kink in my neck from ten days of bed rest and to swollen bloodshot eyes Joshua's in another group and didn't have my lunch so in the cafeteria bursting with two hundred kids I still had a table to myself I started keeping spare food in my backpack that I would take into the bathroom and eat after lunch since my school meals were usually confiscated by all the kids who knew I wouldn't stand up to them since no one would stand with me this dynamic persisted even after my condition cleared up since no one wanted to be friends with me the kid who gets bullied lest they have some of that aggression directed towards themselves the only reason this stopped was due to the actions of a kid named Alec Alex was in the third grade and was bigger than most of the other kids in any grade around the third week of school he started sitting with me at lunch and this put an immediate end to the shortage of my food supply it was nice enough but he seemed kind of slow we never really talked at length except for when I finally decided to ask why he had been sitting with me he had a crush on Josh's sister Veronica Veronica was in fourth grade and was probably the prettiest girl in the school even as a six-year-old who fully endorsed the notion that girls were disgusting I knew how pretty veronica was when she was in the third grade just told me two boys had actually gotten into a physical fight which erupted out of an argument concerning the significance of the message she had written in their yearbooks one of the boys eventually hit the other in the forehead with the corner of their yearbook ends the wound required stitches the clothes while not one of those two boys Alex wanted her to like him and confess that he knew Josh and I were best friends I gather that he had hoped that I would convey an ostensible 'ti philanthropy dita Veronica and that she would presumably be so moved by his selflessness that she'd taken interest in him if I told her he would continue to sit with me for as long as I needed him to because this was during the time when josh mostly stayed at my house building the raft and navigating tributary with me i didn't have the chance to bring it up to Veronica because I simply didn't see her I told Josh about it and he made fun of Alex but said that he would tell his sister since I wanted him to I doubted that he would Joshua was annoyed that people seemed to be so taken with his sister I remember him calling her an ugly crow I never said anything to Josh but I remember wanting to say Eva then that she was pretty and would one day be beautiful I was right when I was 15 I was seeing a movie at a place my friends and I had come to call the dirt theater it was probably nice at some points but time and neglected whether the place severely this theater had moveable tables and chairs on a level floor so when the theater was full there were very few places you could sit and see the whole screen the theater was still open I imagine for three reasons it was cheap to see a movie there they showed a different cult movie twice a month at midnight and they sold beer to underage kids during the midnight showings I went for the first two and that night they were shown scanners by David Cronenberg for a $1 my friends and I were sitting at the very back I wanted to sit closer to the front for a better view but Ryan had driven us so I relented a couple minutes before the movie started a group of girls walked in they were all pretty attractive but whatever Beauty they might have had was eclipsed by the girl with the dirty blonde hair even though I had only caught a glimpse of a profile as she turned to move a seat I called full view of her face which gave me a feeling of butterflies in my stomach it was Veronica I hadn't seen her in a long time Josh and I saw progressively less of one another after we snuck out to my old house that night when we were 10 and usually when I visit him she'd be out with friends everyone stared at the screen I stared at Veronica only looking away when the feeling that I was being a creep overcame me but that feeling would quickly subside and my eyes would return to her she was really beautiful just like I had thought she'd be when I was a kid when the credits started to roll my friends got up and left there was only one exit and they didn't want to be trapped waiting for the crowd to clear I lingered in hopes of catch of Veronica's attention as she and her friends walked by I took a chance hey Veronica she turned towards me looking a little startled yeah I got out my seat and slept a little into the light coming through the open door it's me Josh's old friend from way back help how have you been oh my gosh hey it's been so long she motioned to her friends that she'd be out in a second yeah a few years at least not since the last time I stayed over with Josh how is he anyway oh that's right I remember all you guys's games do you still play Ninja Turtles with your friends she laughed a little bit and I blushed no I'm not a kid anymore me my friends fight x-men now I was really hoping she'd laugh she did you're cute do you come over these movies every time I was still reeling from what she said does she really think I'm cute did she mean that I was funny does she think I'm attractive I suddenly realized that she had asked me a question and my mind gasped for what it was yeah I said much too loudly yeah I try to anyway what about you I come every now and then my boyfriend didn't like these movies but we broke up so I plan on coming from now on I was trying to be casual but failed oh well that's cool not that you guys broke up I just meant that you'd be able to come often she laughed I tried to recover so are you coming the week after next they're supposed to be showing Dave the dead it's really cool yeah I'll be here she smiled and I was about to suggest that maybe we could sit together when she quickly closed the space between us and hugged me it was really nice seeing you she said with her arms around me I was trying to think of what to say when I realized the biggest problem was that I had forgotten how to talk luckily Ryan who I could hear approaching from the hallway came in and spoke for me dude you know the movies over right let's get the hell out oh yeah Veronica let go and said that she'd see me next time she was played out the room by the porn music Ryan was making with his mouth I was furious but it dissipated as soon as I heard Veronica laughing in the lobby Day of the Dead couldn't come soon enough Ryan's family was going out of town so he wouldn't be able to drive us and the other friends I was with that night didn't have cars a couple of days before the movie I asked my mom if she could take me she responded almost immediately by denying the request but I persisted and she picked up on the desperation in my voice she asked why I wanted the go so badly since I had seen the movie before and I hesitated before saying that I was hoping to see a girl there she smiled and asked playfully if she knew the girl and I reluctantly told her it was Veronica the smile disappeared from her face and she coldly said no I decided that our core Veronica's to see if she could pick me up I had no idea if she still lived at home but it was worth a try but then I realized that Josh my answer I hadn't talked to him in almost three years and if he answered I obviously couldn't ask to talk to his sister I felt guilty for calling to speak with Veronica and not Josh but I dismissed that feeling quickly Josh hadn't called me in years either I picked up the phone and dialed the number that was still embedded in my muscle memory from having dialed it so often all those years ago it rang several times before someone picked up it wasn't Josh I felt a mixture of both relief and disappointment I realized in a second that I really missed Josh I will call after this weekend to talk to him but this was my only chance to see if Veronica could or would take me so I asked for her the person told me that I had dialed the wrong number I repeated the number back to her and she confirmed she said they must have changed their number and I agreed I apologize for the disturbance and hung up I was suddenly intensely sad now because I couldn't contact Josh even if I wanted to I felt terrible for having been afraid that he might answer the phone he had been my very best friend I realized that the only way I could be put back in touch with him would be through Veronica so now not that I needed one I had another reason to see her I told my mom the day before the movie that I was no longer concerned with going but I was hoping she could drop me off at my friend Chris's house she relented and to drop me off that Saturday a couple of hours before the movie my plan was the walk from his house to the theater since he only lived about half a mile away they went to church early on Sundays so his parents would go to sleep early Saturday nights and Chris was fine with not coming with me since he had planned on chatting with this girl he met online he said that the walk back to his house would be lonelier after she laughed in my face when I tried to kiss her and I told him not to electrocute himself when he tries having sex with his computer I left his house at 11:15 I tried to pace myself so I get there a little before the movie I was going by myself and so I didn't want to just hang around there waiting on the way to the theater I figured that if Veronica showed up at all it would be too lucky for us to arrive at the same time so I debated whether I should wait outside or just go in both had their pros and cons as I grappled with these concerns I noticed that the steady stream of squeaking car lights that had been overtaken me had been replaced by a single constant spotlight that refused to pass the road wasn't illuminated by streetlights so I was walking in the grass with the road about two feet to my left I stepped a little more to my right and crane my neck over my left shoulder to see what was behind me the carriage stopped about ten feet behind me all I could see were the violently bright headlights that were cutting through the otherwise Stygian surroundings I thought that it might be one of Chris's parents maybe they had come to check in on us and seen that I was gone I wouldn't have taken much pressing for Chris to confess I took one step toward the car and it broke its paws and started driving toward me at a slow pace it passed me and I saw that it wasn't Chris's parents car or any car that I recognized for that matter I tried to see the driver but it was too dark and my pupils had shrunk when faced with the blinding lights from the car just moments before they just did enough so that I could see the tremendous crack in the back window of the car as it drove away I didn't think much of the whole affair some people find it fun to scare other people I'd often hide rounded corners and jump out at my mom after all I timed it right and got there about 10 minutes before the movie I decided to way outside until around eleven fifty seven since that would give me time to find her inside if she was already seated as I was considering the possibility that she might not show I saw her she was alone and she was beautiful a waiter and walked to close the distance she smiled and asked if my friends were already inside I said that they weren't and realized that this was seem like I was trying to make this a date she didn't seem bothered by that nor was she bothered when I handed her the ticket I had already bought she looked at me quizzically and I said don't worry I am rich she laughed and we went inside I bought one popcorn and two drinks and spent most of the movie debating whether or not I should time reaching my hand into the popcorn bag when she reached in so they would touch she seemed to enjoy the movie and before I knew it it was over we didn't linger in the theater and because this was a midnight show we couldn't noise her in the lobby so we walked outside the parking lot of the theater was big because it was connected with the mall that had gone out of business not wanting the night to be over just yet I continued the conversation while casually walking toward the old mall as we were about to round the corner and leave the theater out of sight I looked back and saw that a cow wasn't the only one left in the parking lot the other one had a large crack in the back window my immediate uneasiness turns to understanding that makes a lot of sense the driver of that car works errands was the figured I was on my way to the movie injecting real horror into the life of a horror fan seemed like an obvious move we walked around the mall and talked about the movie I told her that I thought David ed was better than Dawn of the Dead but she refused to agree I told her of when I called her old number and and about my dilemma about who would answer the phone she didn't find as funny as I did but she took my phone and put a number in it she commented that it might be the worst cellphone she'd ever seen her evaluation wasn't rescinded when I told her I couldn't even receive pictures on it I called her so she'd have my number and she programmed it in she told me that she was graduating but she hadn't done well in school so far that year so she wasn't sure if she's getting to college I told her to attach a picture of herself to the application and they'd pay her to go there just so they could look at her she didn't laugh at that one and I thought she might be offended she might have thought I was implying that she couldn't get in based on her intelligence I nervously glanced at her and she was just smiling and even in this poor light I could see that she was blushing I wanted to hold a hand but I didn't as we walked down the final side of the mall back toward the theater I asked her about Josh she told me that she didn't want to talk about it I asked her if he was at least doing a rides and she just said I don't know I think it Josh must have taken a wrong turn somewhere and started getting into trouble I felt bad I felt guilty as we approached the parking lot I noticed that the car with the cracked back window was gone and that her car was now the only one in the parking lot she asked me if I needed a ride and even though I really didn't I said that I'd appreciate it I drank my whole soda during the movie and all the walking was putting pressure on my bladder I knew that I could wait until I was back at Chris's but I had to decide that I was going to kiss her when she dropped me off and I didn't want this biological nagging to rush me out the car this would be my first kiss I could think of no rules to conceal what I needed to do the theater had long closed so I only had one option I told her that I was going behind the theater to pee but that I'd be back in two shakes it was obvious that I thought it was hilarious and she seemed to laugh more at how funny I found it then how funny it clearly was on the way toward the theater I stopped and turned to order I asked her if Josh had ever told her that kid named Alex had done something nice for me she paused the thing for a moment and said that he had she enquired as to why I asked but I said it was nothing Josh really was a good friend when I went to go behind the theater I realized that there was a chain-link fence extending orphans were running parallel to the wall of the building where I stood she could still see me and the fence seemed to stretch on endlessly so I thought to just hop it duck out of sight and return as quickly as I could it may have been too much of an effort but I thought it polite I climbed the fence and walked just the little ways until I was out of sight and urinated for a moment the only sound were the crickets in the grass behind me and the collision of liquid and cement those sounds were overpowered by a noise that I can still hear when it's quiet and there are no noises to distract my ears in the distance I heard a faint screeching which quickly subsided only to be replaced with a cascade of thundering vibrations I realized quickly enough what it was it was a car the growling of the engine got louder and then I thought no not louder closer as soon as I realized this I started back toward the fence but before I could get very far at all I hear a brief truncate scream and the roar of the engine terminated in a deafening third I started running but after only two or three steps I was tripped by a loose piece of stone and fell hard and fast onto the concrete my head striking the corner of a chair as I fell I was dazed for maybe 30 seconds but the renewed rumbling of the engine drew my senses back and my equilibrium was restored by adrenaline every doubled my efforts I was worried that whoever crashed the car might harass veronika as I was climbing over the fence I saw that there was still only one car in the parking lot I didn't see any evidence of a crash I thought that I might have misjudged its directional proximity as I ran towards Veronica's car and as my orientation changed I saw what the car had hit my leg stopped working it almost completely it was Veronica her car was sitting between us and as I closed the distance and walked around it she came fully into view her body was twisted and crumpled like a discarded figure mentor represents a catalogue of things the human body can't do I could see the bone of a right shin cutting through her jeans and her left arm was wrapped so hard around the back of her head that her hand fell on her right breast the head was craned back and her mouth who widely opened toward the sky there was so much blood as I looked at her I actually found it hard to discern whether she was laying on her back or stomach and this optical illusion made me feel sick when you are confronted with something in the world that simply doesn't belong your mind tries to convince itself that it is streaming and to that end it provides you with that distinct sense of all things moving slowly as if through snap in that moments I honestly felt that I would wake up any minute but I didn't wake up i forward with my phone to call for help but I had no signal I could see Veronica's phone sticking out of what I thought was a front right pocket I had no choice trembling I reached for her phone and as it slid out she moved and gasped for air so violently that it seemed as if she were trying to breathe in the whole world this thought of me so much that I staggered back and fell onto the asphalt with her phone in my hand she was trying to adjust the body to get it into a natural position but with every spasm and jerk I could hear the cracking and grinding of her bones without thinking I scrambled over to and put my face over hers and said Veronica don't move don't move okay just stay still don't move Veronica please just don't move I kept saying it but the words started to fall apart as tears came streaming down my face I opened her phone and it still worked it was still on the screen where she had saved my number and when I saw that I felt my heart break a little i called 9-1-1 and waited with her telling her that she would be ok and feeling guilty for lying to her every time i said it when the sound of sirens taught through the air she seems to become more alert she remains conscious since I found her but now more of the light was coming back to her eyes her brain was still protecting her from pain though it looked as if it was finally allowing her to become aware that something was terribly wrong with her her eyes rolled over to mine and her lips moved she was struggling but I heard her picture but my picture he took it I didn't understand what she meant so I said the only thing I could I'm so sorry Veronica I rode with her in the ambulance where she finally lost consciousness I waited in the room that they had reserved for her I still had a phone so I put it with a purse and I called my mom from the hospital phone it was about 4 a.m. I told her that I was fine but that Veronica was not she cursed at me and said she'd be right there but I told her I wasn't leaving until Veronica was out of surgery she said that she'd come anyway my mom and that I didn't speak that much I told her I was sorry for lying and she said that we talk about that later I think that had we talked more in that room if I just told her about boxes or the night with the raft if she had just told me more of what she knew I think that things would have changed what we sat there in silence she told me that she loved me and that I could call her whenever I wanted her to come get me as my mom was leaving Veronica's parents rushed in her dad and my mom exchanged a few words that appeared to be quite serious while Veronica's mother talked to the person at the desk her mother was a nurse but didn't work at this hospital I'm sure that she had tried to get Veronica transferred but her condition was prohibitive while we waited the police came in and talked to each of us I told them what happened they made some notes and then they left she came out of surgery and 90% of her body was covered in a thick white cast her right arm was free but the rest of her was bound like a cocoon she was still under but I remember how I felt when I had my cast before kindergarten I asked the nurse for a marker but I couldn't think of anything to write I slept in a chair in the corner and went home the next day I came back every afternoon verse several days at some point they moved another patient into a room and set up a screen around Veronica's bed to act as a partition she didn't seem to be feeling better but but she made more moments of lucidity but even during these periods we wouldn't really talk her joy being broken by the car so the doctors had wired it shut i sat with her for a while but there was nothing much I could say I got up and walked over to her I kissed her on the forehead and she whispered through the clenched teeth Josh this surprised me a little but I looked at her and said has he not come to see you oh I found myself really irritated even if Josh has been getting into trouble he just still come and see his sister I thought I was about to express this when she said no Josh you ran away I should have told you I thought my blood turned to ice when when did this happen when he was 13 did did he leave a note or something honest hello she started crying and I followed her but I think now we were crying for different reasons if I didn't realize it at this point there were a lot of things I still didn't remember about my childhood and there are a lot of connections I hadn't made yet I told her I had to go but that she could text me anytime I got a text from her the next day telling me not to come back I asked why and she said she didn't want me to see her like that again I agreed but grudgingly we text each other every day though I kept this from my mom because I knew that she didn't like me talking to Veronica usually her texts were fairly short and mostly only in response to more lengthy texts that I would send her I tried calling her only once I was sure she was screening a calls but hoped I could hear a voice she picked up but didn't say anything I could hear how labored her breathing was about a week after she told me not to come see her anymore she sent me a text simply read I love you I was filled with so many different emotions but I responded by expressing the most prevalent one I replied I love you too she said she wanted to be with me and that she couldn't wait until she could see me again she told me that she had been released and was convalescing at her house these exchanges carried on for several weeks but every time I asked to come see her she would say soon I kept insisting and the following week she said that she thought she might be able to make it to the next midnight movie I couldn't believe it but she insisted that she would try I thought it takes from the afternoon of the movie saying see you tonight I got Ryan to drive me since Chris's parents had found out what happened and said I wasn't welcome at their house anymore I explained to Ryan that she might be in bad shape but that I really cared about her so to give us some space he accepted that and we headed down there Veronica didn't show I'd saved a seat for her right next to me near the exit so she could get in and out easily but 10 minutes into the movie a man slid into the chair I whispered excuse me this seat is taken but he didn't respond at all he just stared ahead at the screen I remember wanting the move because there was something wrong with the way he was breathing I forfeited because I realized that she wasn't coming I texted her the next day asking if she was alright and I inquired as to why she didn't show the previous night she responded with what would turn out to be the last message I had ever received from her she simply said see you again soon she was delirious and I was worried about her I sent her several replies reminding her about the movie and saying it was no big deal but she just stopped replying I grew increasingly upset over the next several days I couldn't reach her at home because I didn't know that number and I wasn't even sure where they lived my mood became increasingly depressed and my mother who had been really nice as of late asked me if I was okay I told her that I hadn't heard from Veronica in days and I felt all the warmth leave a disposition what do you mean she was supposed to meet me at the movies yesterday I know it's only been three weeks since she got a hit but she said she would try to come and after that she just stopped talking to me altogether she must hate me she looks confused and I couldn't read on her face that she was trying to tell if my mind had simply broken when she saw that in hadn't her eyes began to water and she pulled me toward her embracing me she was beginning to sob but it seemed too intense of reactions and my problem and had no reason to think that she particularly cared for Veronica she drew in a shuddering breath and then said something that still makes me nauseous even now she said Veronica's dead sweetheart Oh God I thought you knew she died on the last day you visited her Oh baby she died weeks ago she had completely broken down but I knew it wasn't because of Veronica I broke the embrace and staggered backwards my mind was swimming this was impossible I just exchanged messages with her yesterday I could only think to ask one question and it was probably the most trivial I could ask then why was her phone still on she continued sobbing she didn't answer I exploded why did it take them so long to shut off a goddamn phone her crying broken off to mutter the pictures I would come to find out that her parents thought that her phone had been lost in the accident despite the fact that I put it in a person night she was brought to the hospital when they retrieved her belongings the phone was not among them they intended to contact the phone company at the end of the billing cycle did the activate the line but they received a call informing them of a massive and beating charge for hundreds of pictures that had been sent from her phone pictures pictures that were all sent to my phone pictures that I never got because my phone couldn't receive them they learned that they were all sent after the night she died they deactivated the phone immediately I try not to think about the contents of those pictures but I remember wondering for some reason whether I would have been in any of them my mouth went dry and I felt the painful sting of despair as I thought of the last message I received from a phone see you again soon [Music] on the first day of kindergarten my mother had elected to drive me to school we were both nervous and she wanted to be there with me all the way up to the moment I walked into class it took me a bit longer to get ready in the morning due to my still mending arm the cast came up a couple inches past my elbow which meant that I had to cover the entire arm with a specially designed latex bag when I showered the bag was built to hold tight around the opening in order to seal out any water that might otherwise destroy the cast I've gotten really adept at cinching the bag myself that morning however perhaps due to my excitement or nervousness I hadn't pulled the strap tight enough and halfway through the shower I could feel water pulling inside the bag around my fingers I jumped out and tore the latex shield away but could feel their previously rigid plaster had become soft after absorbing the water because there is no way to effectively clean the area between your body in the cast the dead skin that would normally have fallen away merely sits there when stirred by moisture like sweated admits an odour and apparently this odor is proportionate to the amount of moisture introduced because soon after I began attempting to try it I was struck by the powerful stench of rot as I continued to frantically rub it with the towel it began to disintegrate I was growing increasingly distressed I'd put as much effort as a child could into his very first day of school I'd sat with my mom picking out my clothes the night before I'd spent a great deal of time picking out my backpack and I had become exceedingly excited to show everyone my lunchbox that had the Ninja Turtles on it I had fallen into my mom's habit of calling these children I hadn't met yet friends already but as the condition of my caste worsened I became deeply upset at the thought that surely I wouldn't be able to apply that label to anyone by the time this day was over defeated I showed my mom it took 30 minutes to get most of the moisture out while working to preserve the rest of the cast to address the problem of the smell my mom cut slivers of a soap bar and slid them down into the cast and then rubbed to the remainder of the soap on the outside in an attempt to cocoon the rancid smell inside of a more pleasant one by the time we arrived at school my classmates were already engaging in their second activity and I was shoehorned into one of the groups I wasn't made very clear on what the guidelines of the activity were and within about five minutes I had violated the rules so badly that each member of the group complained to their teacher and asked why I had to be in their group I brought a marker into school in hopes that I could collect some signatures or drawings on my caste next my mother's and I suddenly felt very foolish for even putting the marker on my pocket in the morning kindergarteners had the lunch room to themselves at my elementary school but some of the tables were off-limits so I didn't have to sit alone I was self-consciously picking at the fraying ends of my cast when a kid sat across from me I liked him lunchbox he said I could tell he was making fun of me and I grew really angry in my mind that lunchbox was the last good thing about my day I didn't look up from my arm and I felt a burning in my eyes from the tears that I was holding back I looked up to tell the kid to leave me alone but before I could get the words out I saw something that made me pause he had the exact same lunchbox I laughed I liked your lunchbox - I think Michelangelo's the coolest he said while miming nunchuck moves I was in the middle of rebutting by saying that Raphael was my favorite when he knocked his carton of milk off the table and onto his lap I tried very hard to sister for my laughter since I didn't know him at all but the stroking look at my face must have struck him as funny because he started laughing first suddenly I didn't feel so bad about my cast and thought that this person would hardly notice now anyway just then I thought to try my luck hey do you want to sign my cast as I pulled out the marker he asked me how I broke it I told him that I fell out the tallest tree my neighborhood he seemed impressed I watched them liberally draw his name and when he was done I asked him what it said he told me it said Josh Josh and I had lunch together every day and whenever we could we partnered up for projects I helped him with his handwriting and he took the blame when I wrote fart on the wall in permanent marker I would come to know other kids but I think I knew even then that Josh was my only real friend moving a friendship outside of school when you were 5 years old is actually more difficult than most remember the day we launched our balloons we had such a good time that I asked Josh if he wanted to come to my house the next day to play he said he did and that he'd bring some of his toys I said that we could go exploring and maybe swim in the lake when I got home I asked my mom and she said it would be fine my enthusiasm was boundless until I realized that I had no way of contacting Josh to tell him I spent the whole weekend worrying that our friendship would be dissolved by Monday when I saw him after the weekend I was relieved to find out that he had run into the same obstacle and thoughts it was funny later that week we both remember to write down our phone numbers at home and then exchange them at school my mom spoke with Josh's dad and it was decided that my mom would pick up Josh and myself from school that Friday we alternated this basic structure nearly every weekend the fact that we lived so close made things much easier on our parents who seemed to work constantly when my mom and I moved across the city at the end of first grade I was sure that our friendship had seen its last day as we drove away from the house I've lived in my whole life I felt a sadness that I knew wasn't just about a house I was saying goodbye to my friend forever but Josh and I to my surprise and delight stayed close despite the fact that we spent the majority of our time apart and only saw one another on weekends we remained remarkably similar as we grow our personalities coalesced our sense of humor complemented each others and we would often find that we had started liking new things independently we even sounded enough alike that when I stayed with Josh he would sometimes call my mom pretending to be me his success rate was impressive my mom would sometimes joke that the only way she could tell us apart sometimes was by a hair he had straight dirty blonde hair like his sister while I had two curly dark brown hair like my mother one would think that the thing most likely to drive two young friends apart would be what's out of their control however I think the catalyst of our gradual disengagement was my insistence that we sneak out to my old house to look for boxes the next weekend I invited Josh over to my house in keeping with our tradition of alternating houses but he said that he wasn't really feeling up to it we started seeing progressively less of one another over the next year or so it had gotten from once a week to once a month to once every couple months for my 12th birthday my mom threw a party for me I hadn't made that many friends since we'd moved so it wasn't a surprise party since my mom had no idea who to invite I told the handful of kids I've become acquainted with and called Josh the CV wanted to come originally he said that he didn't think he could make it but the day before the party he called me to say that he'd be there I was really excited because I hadn't seen him in several months the party went really well my biggest concern was that Josh and the other kids wouldn't get along but they seemed to like each other well enough Josh was surprisingly quiet he hadn't brought me a gift and apologized for that but I told him it wasn't a big deal I was just glad that he was able to make it I tried to start several conversations with him but they seem to keep reaching dead ends I asked him what was wrong I told him that I didn't get why things had to become so awkward between us they were never like that before we used to hang out almost every weekend and talk on the phone every couple days I asked him what happened to us he looked up from staring at his shoes and just said you left just after he said that my mom yelled in the other room that it was time to open presents I forced a smile and walked into the dining room as they sang happy birthday there were a couple of wrapped boxes and a lot of cards since most of my extended family lived out of state most of the gifts were silly and forgettable but I remember that Brian gave me a Mighty Max toy shaped like a snake that I kept for years afterwards my mom was insistent that I open all the cards that I had been brought and thanked each person who had given one because several years before on Christmas I told through the wrapping paper and envelopes with such fervor that I had destroyed any possibility of discerning who had sent which gift or what amounts of money we separated the ones that had been sent by mail and the ones that had been brought that day so my friends wouldn't have to sit through me opening cards from people they had never met most of the cards from my friends had a couple dollars in them and the ones from my family members contained larger bills one envelope didn't seem to have a name written on it but he was in the pile so I opened it the card had a generic floral pattern on its face and seemed to be a card that had been received by someone else who was now recycling it for my birthday because it was actually a little dingy I actually appreciated the idea that it was a reused card since I'd always thought that cards were silly I hung with it so that the money wouldn't fall onto the floor when I opened it but the only thing inside was a message that had it come printed on the card I love you whoever had given me this card hadn't written anything in it but they had circled the message in pencil a couple times I took off and said she thanks for your SIM card and mom she looked at me quizzically and then turned her attention to the card she told me that it wasn't from her and seemed amused as she showed my friends looking at their faces trying to discern who had played the joke none of the kids stepped forward so my mum said don't worry sweetheart at least you know that two people love you she followed that with an extremely prolonged and excruciating kiss on my forehead that transformed the group's bewilderment into hysteria they were all laughing so it could have been any of them but Mike seemed to be laughing the hardest to become the participant rather than the subject of the gag I said to him that just because he had given me that card he shouldn't think that I'd kiss him later we all laughed and as I looked at Josh I saw that he was finally smiling well I think that gift might be the winner but you have a couple more to open my mum slid another present in front of me I was still feeling the tremors of suppressed chuckles in my abdomen as I tore the colorful paper away when I saw the gift I had no need to suppress the laughter anymore my smile dropped as I looked at what I've been given it was a pair of walkie-talkies well go on show everyone I held them up and everyone seemed to approve but as I drew my attention to Josh I could see that he had turned a sickly shade of white we locked eyes for a moment and then he turned and walked into the kitchen as I watched him dial a number on the corded phone attached to the wall my mom whispered in my ear that she knew that Josh and I didn't talk as much since one of the walkie talkies had broken so she thought I'd liked it I was filled with an intense appreciation for my mom's thoughtfulness but this feeling was easily overpowered by the emotions resurrected by the returning memories I had tried so hard to bury when everyone was eating cake I asked Josh who he had called he told me he wasn't feeling well so he called his dad to come get him I understood that he wanted to leave but I told him that I wished we could hang out more I extended one of the walkies to him but he put his hand up in refusal dejected I said well thanks for coming I guess I hope I'll see you before my next birthday I'm sorry I'll try call you back more often I really will he said the conversation stagnated as we waited by my door for his dad I looked at his face Josh seems genuinely remorseful that he hadn't made more of an effort his mood seems suddenly bolstered by an idea that had struck him he told me that he knew what he'd get me from my birthday it would take a while but he thought that I would really like him I told him it wasn't a big deal but he insisted he seemed in better spirits and apologized for being such a drag at my party he said that he was tired that he hadn't been sleeping well I asked him why that was as he opened the door in response to his dad's honking in the driveway he turned back toward me and waved goodbye as he answered my question I think I've been sleepwalking that was a lie time I saw my friend and a couple months later he was gone over the past several weeks the relationship between my mother and I has grown increasingly strains due to my attempts to learn the details of my childhood it's often the case that one cannot know the breaking point of a thing until that thing fractures and after the last conversation with my mother I imagined that we will spend the rest of our lives attempting to repair what had taken a lifetime to build she had put so much energy into keeping me safe both physically and psychologically but I think that the walls meant to insulate me from harm were also protecting her emotional stability as the truth came pouring out the last time we spoke I could hear a trembling in a voice that I think was a reverberation of the collapse of her world I don't imagine my mother and I will talk very much anymore and while there are still some things I don't understand I think I know enough after Josh disappeared his parents had done all they could to find him from the very first day the police had suggested that they contact all of Josh's friend's parents to see it was with them they did this of course but no one had seen him or had any idea of where he might be the police had been unable to turn over any new information about Josh's whereabouts despite the fact that they had received several anonymous phone calls from a woman urging them to compare this case with a stalking case that had been opened about six years before if Josh's mother's grip on the world loosened when her son banished it broke when Veronica died she had seen many people die at the hospital but there is no amount of desensitization that can fortify a person against the death of her own child she would visit Veronica twice a day since she was recuperating at a different hospital once before a shift and once afterward on the day before Veronica died her mother was late leaving work and by the time she arrived at her daughter's hospital Veronica had already passed this was too much for her hands over the next couple weeks she became increasingly more unstable she would often wander outside yelling for both Josh and Veronica to come home and there were several times her husband found her wandering around my old neighborhood in the middle of the night half clothed and frantically searching for a son and daughter due to his wife's mental deterioration Josh's dad could no longer travel for work and began taking construction jobs that were less well-paying so he could be closer at home when they began expanding my old neighborhood more about three months after Veronica died Josh's dad applied for every position and was hired he was qualified to lead the build sites but he took a job as a laborer helping the build frames and clean up the sites and whatever else was needed even took odd jobs that would occasionally come up mowing lawns repairing fences anything to keep from traveling they began clearing the woods in the area next to the tributary to transform the land into a habitable property Josh's dad was tasked with the responsibility of leveling the recently the forested lot and this shop guaranteed him at least several weeks of work on his third day he arrived at the spot that he could not level each time he drive over it it would remain lower than all the surrounding land frustrated he got off the machine to survey the area he was tempted to simply pack more dirt into the depression but he knew that would only be an aesthetic and temporary solution he had worked construction for years and knew that root systems from large trees that had been recently cut downward often decomposed leaving weaknesses in the soil so that would manifest as weaknesses in the Foundation's above he weighed his options and elected to dig a little with a shovel in case the problem was shallow enough to fix without needing a machine that would have to be bought over from another site and as my mother described where this was I knew I'd been at that spot both before the soil was broke and before it had been filled I felt a tightening in my chest he took a small hole about three feet deep and le shovel collided with something hard his master's shovel against it repeatedly in an attempt to gauge the thickness of the roots and the density of the network when suddenly his shovel plunged through the resistance confused he dug the hole wider about a half an hour after excavating he found himself standing on a brown blanket covered box about seven feet long and four feet wide our minds work to avoid dissonance if we hold a belief strongly enough our minds will forcefully reject conflicting evidence so that we can maintain the integrity of our understanding of the world up until the very next moment despite what all sense would have indicated despite the fact that some small but suffocated part of him understood what was supporting his weight his friend believed he knew his son was still alive my mom received a call at 6:00 p.m. she knew who it was but she couldn't understand what he was saying but what she did comprehend made her leave immediately down here now son please God when she arrived she found Josh's dad sitting perfectly still with his back to the hole he was holding the shovel so tightly it seemed that it might snap and he was staring straight ahead with eyes that looked as lifeless as a shark's he wouldn't respond to any other word and only reacted when she tried to gently take the shovel from him he dragged his eyes slowly to hers and just said I don't understand he repeated this as if he had forgotten all of the words a my mother could hear him still muttering it as she walked past him to look into the hole she told me she wished she had gouged the rise out before she faced downward into that crater and I told her that I knew what she was about to say and that she need not continue I looked at her face and it was expressing a look of such intense despair that it caused my stomach to turn I realized that she had known of this fate almost 10 years and was hoping that she'd never had to tell me as a result she never came up with the proper arrangement of words to describe what she saw and as I sit here I meant with the same difficulty of articulation Josh was dead his face was sunken in and contorted in such a way that it was as if the misery and hopelessness of all the world had been transferred on to it the assorting smell of decaying rose from the Crypt and my mother had to cover a nose and mouth to keep from vomiting his skin was cracked hoarse crocodilian and a stream of blood that had followed these lines had dried on his face after pulling and staining the wood around his head his eyes lay path leaded facing straight up she said that by the look of him he had not been long dead and thus time had not brought the mercy of the gradation to erase the pain and terror that was now etched into his face she said it was as if he had fixed his gaze right at her his open mouth offering an all too late plea for help the rest of his body however wasn't visible someone else was covering it he was large and lay face down on top of Josh and as my mother's mind stretched itself to taken what and her eyes was attempting to tell her she became aware of the significance of the way in which he laid he was holding Josh their legs lay frozen by death but entangled like vines in some lush tropical forest when I'm rested under Josh's neck only to wrap around his body so that they might lay closer still as the Sun passed through the trees its light became reflected by something pinned there Josh's shirt my mother stooped to one knee and raised the color of a shirt over a nose so that she might block out the smell when she saw what had caught the Sun her Lynx abandon her and she nearly fell into the tool it was a picture it was a picture of me as a child she staggered backwards gasping and trembling and collided with Josh's father who still sat facing away from the hole she understood why he had called her but she could not bring herself to tell him what she kept from everyone for all these years Josh's family never knew about the night I had woken up in the woods she knew now that she should have told them but to tell him now would help nothing as she sat resting her back against Josh's dad he spoke I can't tell my wife I can't tell her that our little boy his speech staggered in fits as he pressed his wet face into his dirt Kate hands she couldn't bear it after a moment he stood up still shuttering and lumbering toward the grave with a final sub he stepped down into the coffin Josh's dad was a big man but not as big as the man in the box he grabbed the back of the man's collar and pulled hard It was as if he intended to throw the man out the grave in a single emotion but the collar ripped and the body fell back down on top of Josh you asshole he grabs a man by the shoulders and heaved him back until he was off of Josh and sat awkwardly upright against the wall of the grave he looked at the men and staggered back his step oh god oh god no no no no please God please God no and it's struggling but powerful movements he lifted and pushed the corpse completely out of the ground and they both heard the sound of glass rolling against wood it was a bottle he handed it to my mother it was ether Oh Josh Oh Josh he subbed my boy my baby boy why is there so much blood what did he do to you as my mother looked at the man who now lay facing upwards she realized she was facing the person who had haunted our lives for over a decade she had imagined him so many times always evil and always terrifying and the cries of Josh's father seemed to confirm her worst fears but as she stared at his face she thought that this didn't look like who she imagined this was just the man as she looked at his frozen expression it actually looked serene the corner of his lips were turned up only slightly she saw that he was smiling not the expected smile of a maniac from a film or horror story not the smile of a demon or they smile of a fiend this was the smile of contentment or satisfaction it was the smile of bliss it was the smile of love as she looked down from his face and saw a tremendous wound on his neck from where the skin had been rips out she was at first relieved when she realized that the blood had not been Josh's perhaps he had suffered less but this comfort was short-lived as she realized just how wrong she was she brought a hand up to her mouth and whispered almost as if she was afraid to remind the world what had happened they were alive Josh must have bit the man's neck in an attempt to get free and although the man had died Josh couldn't move I began crying when I thought of how long he might have laid there she looked through the man's pockets for some kind of identification but she only found a piece of paper on it was a drawing of a man holding hands with a small boy and next of the boy were initials my initials I'd like to think that she was remembering that part of the story inaccurately but I'll never know for sure as Josh's father carried his son out of the grave my mother slid the piece of paper into a pocket he kept muttering that her son's hair had been dyed she saw that it had it was now dark brown as she noticed that he was dressed oddly his clothes were all far too small after Josh's dad delicately laid his boy on the soft dirt he began gently pressing his hands against his son's pants to feel his pockets he heard a crinkle carefully he retrieved the folded piece of paper from Josh's pocket he looked at it but was vexed absently he handed it to my mother but she didn't recognize it either I asked her what it was she told me it was a map and I found my heart shatter he was finishing the map that must have been his idea for my birthday present I found myself strangely hoping that he hadn't been taken while expanding it as if that would somehow matter now she heard Josh's father grunt and looked the seam pushing the man's body back into the ground as he walked back toward the machine that had found the spot for him he put his hand on the canister of gasoline and paused with his back to one my mother you should go I'm so sorry it's not your fault I did this you can't think like that there was nothing he interjected flatly he almost with no emotion at all about a month ago a guy approached me as I was cleaning up on the site on a new development that I block over he asked me if I wanted to make some extra money and because my wife's not working right now I accepted it he told me that some kids had dug a bunch of holes on his property and he offered me $100 to fill them in he said that he wanted to take some pictures for the insurance company first but if I came back after 5 p.m. the next day that would be fine I thought this guy was a sucker since I knew clearing that lot was coming up so someone would have had to do it anyway what I needed the money so I agreed I didn't think he even had $100 but he put the bill in my hand and I did the job the next day I've been so exhausted that I didn't even think about it after I was done I didn't think about it until today when I pulled that guy off of my son he pointed at the grave and his emotion started to push through as he broke into sobs he paid me $100 so that I would bury him with my boy It was as if saying it out loud forced him to accept what had happened and he collapsed onto the ground in tears my mother could think of nothing to say and stood there in silence for what felt like a lifetime she finally asked what he would do about Josh his final resting place won't be here with this monster as she looked back when she reached the car she could see black smoke billowing and diffusing against the amber sky and she hopes against all hope that Josh's parents would be ok I left my mom's house without saying much else I told her that I loved her and that I would talk to her soon but I don't know what soon means for us I got into my car and left I understood now why the events of my childhood it stopped years ago as an adult I now saw the connections that were lost on a child who tends to see the world in snapshots rather than in sequence I thought about Josh I loved him then and I loved him even still I miss him more now that I know I'll never see him again and I find myself wishing that I hugged him the last time I saw him I thought about Josh's parents how much they had lost and how quickly that loss had come they don't know about my connection to any of this but I could never look them in the eyes now I thought about Veronica I had only really come to know her later in my life but for those brief few weeks I think I had really loved her I thought about my mother she had tried so hard to protect me and was stronger than I would ever be I tried not to think about the man and what he had done with Josh for more than two years mostly I thought about Josh sometimes I wish that he'd never sat across from me that day in kindergarten that I had never known what it was like to have a real friend sometimes I like to dream that he's in a better place but that's only a dream and I know that the world is a cruel place made cooler still by men there would be no justice for my friend no final confrontation no benjin's it had been over for almost a decade for everyone but me I miss you Josh I'm sorry he chose me but I'll always cherish my memories of you we were explorers we were adventurous we were friends [Music] you

Channel: CreepsMcPasta

Views: 1,447,958

Rating: 4.8891325 out of 5

Keywords: creepy pasta, creepypasta, Scariest creepypasta, horror, narration, scary, reading, narrator, creepsmcpasta, mrcreepypasta, cry, cry reads, cryaotic, creepypastajr, haunted gaming, creepymcpasta, jumpscare, dramatic reading, audio book, audiobook, Jeff the Killer, slenderman, the rake, masky, hoodie, Ben Drowned, spooky, short, Survival Horror (Media Genre), Short Film (Film Genre)

Id: DIhLDKrePPY

Length: 170min 5sec (10205 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 21 2014