Parents of Reddit, what "secret" do you know about your kids that they don't know that you know?

parents of Reddit what secret do you know about your kids that they don't know that you know my son is four he still thinks he is invisible when he covers himself with a blanket our whole family has made a pact to act like nians things should be interesting in a few years my sister smokes weed but only does it in the bathroom so all her kids think the weed smell is actually her crap I found out my old neighbor smoked when they're 10 years old walked through my garage and said he used the same incense as my parents I know that my teen daughter is gay I honestly don't care in the slightest one way or the other I figure she will tell me when she is ready not a parent but a kid when I was 12 and I was just getting into rock climbing my dad who was a fairly good climber doing v4 and v5 zeizel II while I struggled with VIII's saw that I was losing some of my confidence because I was having a hard time getting into the v3 range one day he took me to the climbing center and did his warm-up of v3 and made it to the top except he didn't on the last move he fell I was shocked he shook his head looked at me and told me to try it myself I did it on the first try it boosted my confidence it was only a few days ago I'm 18 now that I found out he was faked the fall to help me understand that everyone fails I still climb to this day now doing the fives upward on the regular my son had a pet caterpillar that he let walk all over his dong and got a reaction he said it happened in the middle of the night when he was sleeping that we know it happened because he liked it sigh this is probably going to be the darkest secret of his life and he'll never know it was posted on reddit lol I know my four year old crap talks me to her stuffed animals when I send her to her room I know she's not really sleeping when she jumping all over the room screaming run puppy the shark is coming in the middle of the night I also know she's drawing pictures on the bottom of the table when no one is looking my 13 year old practically advertises that he's going to the bathroom but he doesn't go number one or number two I always make him wash his hands when he's done message for kids still in school especially adolescents you don't know how loud you are even if you think you're whispering you're probably not teachers here way more than you'd probably be comfortable with and definitely more than were comfortable with found this out in my ninth grade study hall me and all my buddies were talking about some girl we all found very attractive while we're talking about her she walks in and we all stop talking she says a few things to this then walks back out teacher looked at us and said you can continue your conversation most awkward moment we all had once my older brother spent ten minutes trying to show me how to open the door just right so it wouldn't make a sound and you could sneak out to smoke weed without our parents knowing he didn't believe me when I told him they knew so when Tanner I said hey Dad you know Jeff smokes in the backyard right he laughed and said yeah he sneaks through the garage oh my god what a legend that my five year old knows how to get in the Oreo jar every night after bedtime he grabs one for his little brother he also checked with me to make sure I don't count the aureus before I put them in the jar my daughter peed in bed last night her sister did not in fact put on her pajamas and sneak into her bed to pee in an overly convoluted plot to frame her when I was a very young child I apparently crapped my pants and tried to blame it on my older brother even though he was at school don't think my parents bought it at bedtime my two-year-old daughter gets right into bed snuggles in closes her eyes and feigns sleep by making loud and dramatic snoring sounds we think it's funny so we go along with it as soon as we're downstairs we hear her singing to herself dancing playing with her my little pony or flipping through books that's why she's always in bed an hour early it's also why one of the sits on the top step just out of sight every night it's worth it for the night she manages not to wake at 4:00 a.m. from teething my two adult daughters suddenly and simultaneously became interested in old family photos particularly of themselves at various stages of childhood turns out they'd both decided they wanted to make extra money selling their eggs but they needed to include a portfolio of pictures with their application form that took quite a turn I have a terrible sense of smell so I didn't know this until well into adulthood but semen has a smell to it and it's totally detectable in a room I once checked the internet history after my son finished using the family iPad he had searched boobies I decided to follow his search it led to a Wikipedian on blue footed booby birds I wish I could have seen his confused and disappointed look when I was young I would search for stuff like naked and then search baked to make it look like a spelling mistake even though I cleared my search history while changing the sheets in my then 10 years old he's now 12 sons bed when I pulled off the fitted sheet of folded up piece of paper fell out I picked it up and unfolded it drawings of boobs just boobs big ones small ones giant ones all with little dot nipples I chuckle and tuck it back in then my hand feels more folded papers I pull one out expecting to find more boobies nope there were dongs I laugh and put it back with the rest and continue on about my day he gets home from school and talks about his day and school life I asked what he did in free period and he says nothing just drew and played games with my friends I tell him I changed and washed his sheets he stops what he's doing looks at me to see if I'm going to say or mention anything about his artwork when I say nothing more smiles and says thanks mom all the while he's going through his backpacks outside pocket he pulls out three folded pieces of paper and shoves them into his pant pockets says he going to go change and takes off to his room one of my best friends in high school his mom figured out he was using the good olive oil to jerk off breaking from the post motif however she confronted him and politely asked that he used literally any of the lotions in the bathroom instead since they were cheaper to replace I love that woman to death and back he was using extra virgin olive oil jerk-off ironic my nineteen you still doesn't swear in front of us tells us she doesn't talk like that she pocket-dialed me the other day and I heard her dropped some f-bombs it was hilarious still haven't told her I heard my 10 year old nephew yelling at his little brothers because they were threatening to tell their mom that he kissed a girl behind the dumpsters at the pool my nearly two-year-old son seems to love the rewarding experience of finding a lost toy together with either me or his mom we'll hear from the other room of any pause some rummaging and then where for example Thomas gone he'll sound more and more concerned before coming in and asking daddy or mummy see Thomas basically asking us to help him which of course we do and usually find it with him what he doesn't know is that we both know he spends a couple of minutes at the start of each day hiding a couple of his toys around the lounge leaves it a while and then pretends they're lost and what we don't know is whether or not he can actually remember where he hid them I assume he can't and so must applaud his initiative and creating a genuine problem to overcome together I know my three-year-old daughter wakes up every morning finds my stash of blue raspberry bonbon and eats one before breakfast my son smokes weed in the Attic at night which has a vent that goes right to our bedroom that when my daughter was five or six years old she would look up videos of dogs throwing up or stallions taking a pee based on her YouTube history I never directly spoke to her about this but have always told her that she can always talk to me about any questions she had about any subject with no judgment from me she's 14 now and I still haven't said a word morbid curiosity I sure can't explain why I've watched pimple popping videos not a parent but when I was a little girl in elementary school I used to try to climb the fire pole without using my arms dozens of adults must have noticed and known what I was up to not a parent but when I was a teenager I used to write bad poetry I mean really bad poetry the broken heart nobody could ever understand me kind of I kept them to myself and didn't share them fast-forward 23 years and I'm helping mom clean out my childhood home and I come across the entire stack of bad poems tucked away deep in an old box of my stuff they are freaking terrible and deeply deeply personal I'm a grown man and I've got this stack of papers in my hand that makes me feel 15 years old again the bad part of 15 the awkward lack of confidence part of 15 the holy crap I'm glad I never have to feel that way again part of 15 I actually try to sneak these papers past my mom to burn them immediately outside she sees them and asks me what I'm doing I tell her it's just some stuff I wrote as a kid and I'm going to burn it quick as it's personal and I don't want anyone to read it she says your poems yeah I really worried about you when I read then dang it mom my parents always knew when my siblings would sneak out and we could never figure out how they knew at one time my brother was an idiot and got caught sneaking out of a window from our basement it was winter they left footprints every sleepover we had my mom would take a picture of everyone's shoes at night before bed if they had changed overnight she knew they snuck out she would only tell us once we'd all moved out not parent but elder sister my little sister is 10 years younger than me when she was in about sixth grade she'd invite the neighbor over and they'd use my mom's laptop after she went to bed mom checked her browsing history one day and there were pages and pages of pornhub searches of really specific stuff favorite was probably amazing world of gumball P my father caught myself and my ex freaking I lived in a bungalow at the time in the driveway was next to my bedroom I didn't realize at the time that I hadn't closed the curtains fully mid pomp I heard a beep outside we both rushed to get dressed and a few minutes later my dad strolls in like nothing had happened I assumed he accidentally hit the horn when pulling up only years later he told me he saw my ass going up and down beeped the horn quickly and delayed coming in to give us chance to get sorted my kid shoots in his pants on purpose I know this because he laughs maniacally when I'm not looking F in 16 year olds I know my kids aren't actually thirsty when they get out of bed I know that my daughter knows that Santa doesn't exist she still plays me every Christmas for what she wants from Santa when I was a kid I used to pretend I couldn't sleep without the TV on really I just wanted to stay up an extra hour so I could watch my two favorite shows x-men eeveelutions and Justice League I thought I was so clever recently I brought it up with my mum and she said I know that's why I always set your bedtime an hour before I actually wanted you to be asleep I was absolutely shook my brother who still lives with our parents he's 30 this year thinks our folks don't know he smokes weed in his room spoiler alert they were teenagers in the 70s they frickin know what weed smells like when I was about eight or nine I hated corn and would only eat it if it was on the cob after months off shovelling loose corn into my pockets at the dinner table and burying it inside of the I can't finish any more mashed potatoes my mother had confronted me I went to go to the bathroom to empty my pockets into the toilet immediately after dinner as I always did when we had canned corn and my mom goes stop right there I was turning the hallway corner to go into the bathroom and I remember literally freezing like it was a game of red light green light and she walks over and she goes can you do me a favor and empty your pockets and all I heard was my dad chatting from the kitchen mom wasn't too pleased I found the box of Girl Guide cookies that my eight-year-old daughter had taken from our pantry and put in one of her toy boxes I didn't give her crap about it just took them back and ate them all she's all grown up now in her 40s and doesn't know that I know she was assaulted by her marching band instructor when she was in her 20s I quietly laid the groundwork that led to his termination shortly after she graduated as far as I know she is blissfully unaware that I intervene my daughter's fake Instagram account she's a good kid and this is my way of being edgy so I don't see any reason to bring it up with her my little brother was about 12 years old and searched board posts saw nothing but shaved housecats funniest crap ever rest easy little brother I love you not a parent but an older brother walked into my little bro watching over watch pee on my computer play dumb then deleted all the history next time he asked to get on my computer I explained incognito to him and told him I don't care as long as I never have to clear that crap out of my history again my youngest son at age 13 would take lingerie out of my dresser drawer put it on and wear it in the shower to jack off I don't use my lingerie but noticed it in the laundry my husband approached him and bought him some cheap lingerie for him to keep in his room to this day he has no clue I know all about it my 9 year old curses like a sailor has never slipped around me but when he's in his room I'll hear thud or crackled my personal favorite I slap frickin slap hate slap and sweatin and trail found its way through a crack in his window frame we know where you hide your candy in that there's a nauseating amount there we also know that you sneak in a Laffy Taffy or six when we're busy with something else when he was little my brother went through a shocking amount of holiday candy is in record time we always assumed he was binging on it one day his mom found a massive bag of candies in his closet she asked him why he was storing at all in his room he responded that it was so he would have something to offer to his friends he grew up to be an equally cool adult not a parent but I am an uncle my nephew seems to believe that I can't tell if he's crying for real or not it's actually pretty funny I know that my nephew is gay I don't know if my sister knows yet but I know older brother here yes Daniel I know you peed into the neighbor's yard from the top of the tree and it's a top notch achievement I know my kid has a rim bit account discovered it when I tried to create a suburb at a very specific thing he has created and I wanted to document archival loggers creations there for him to see a few years in the future turned out it already existed went through his post comment history he's such a naive and good boy couldn't be prouder always asking questions and helping out people gave him gold never told him whenever me and my wife speak about reddit stuff he says wish I could have an account or I have never been there how is it like or that sounds boring he's got more karma than me giving you an upvote so you can flex on your kid this is girl Pepe she only appears once in every 50000 memes like in 3 seconds for good luck if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 4,997

Rating: 4.9203982 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, funny stories, parents of reddit, askreddit comedy, funny reddit, reddit top posts, secrets, reddit secret, secret, children

Id: -5d-KcUcdjU

Length: 16min 21sec (981 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 06 2019