You Can See He Had a Rough Childhood

what's a subtle sign that someone had a rough childhood i remember going to summer camp as a kid and meeting milo milo was big on attention seeking and validation and would take food from the cafeteria back to his bunk like eggs and toast i remember thinking he was just weird but i think looking back and knowing what i know now he was probably being neglected at home thin as a rail and probably malnourished so he wanted as much food as he could get and just wanted someone to acknowledge him pretty sad stuff from the horse's mouth people-pleasing behaviors class clown always agrees over-compensating with laughter during conversation in an attempt to appease others self-isolating stops contacting friends for seemingly no reason due to feelings of inferiority worthlessness no motivation to make anything of themselves believing they would only fail anyway allows themselves to be bullied usually hangs out with date abusive people conspiracy theorists can't live without a sense of impending doom will unconsciously find one extremely nervous when doing new things in front of others so mature for their age equals didn't get to be a kid dean total inability to accept compliments no or very few distant friends as an adult barely any memory of childhood no happy stories of childhood extremely negative self-talk i over compensate with laughter i have had people ask me how i'm so funny and happy all the time as if i have no problems at all i'm like b i literally sob for hours unable to stop regularly i just feel like if i can't laugh at stuff then i'll end up crying i have severe depression and have struggled with suicidal ideation for years but i doubt most people in my life would guess that i used to involuntarily flinch when someone around me moved or gestured quickly my parents were the masters of lightning quick punches that came with no warning ends up ingrained in you that fast movements equals get ready for a punch haphaphobia or the fear of being touched is definitely one of them flinching at loud noises or quick movements wanting to be at work and doing good all the time inconsistent hobby practice that is drawing but only sometimes drawing and then dismissing what you drew was not good enough constant analysis of non-verbal cues i spent my childhood trying to read tiny signals that my abusers sent that were imperceptible to most people but big red flags to me the problem comes when you assume that these signals apply to all people not just the buttholes i'm triggered by things that my gentle and loving partner does because my abuser side that way or tapped his hand that way or got that glimpse in his eye my partner is just trying to exist and i read into everything that he unconsciously does it's hard for me to retrain my mind but i'm working on it with a licensed counselor i've spent nearly four decades of my life in flight or fight it's good to be emerging from that mode my father never hit me but was is the master of emotional abuse i too have spent my 33 years trying to decipher looks i spent my childhood walking on eggshells i'm with you watch their table manners meals are forced contact time in bad households and it can easily show some examples are becoming less talkative or withdrawn during meals they realize their elbow is on the table and they jerk it away quickly or something innocuous like a sneeze at the table causes undue shame or embarrassment conversely someone who grew up without parental guidance can also develop odd eating habits in the case of a co-worker of mine they collect the condiments near them she would pull the ketchup bottle out of the little rack on the table use it and then keep it by her plate instead of putting it back i asked if she was done with it and she said oh sorry i ate a lot of meals alone growing up turns out she grew up with a single mom who worked two jobs and she was used to nobody being there to pass things having the ability to function as their own parent at a young age talking like an adult at a young age anything else that shows they had to grow up fast can't figure out whether or not to permanently cut off contact with crappy parents or who go back and forth cutting off and trying again and cutting off and trying again even considering it means your childhood was ex crappy and if you want to but can't do it it probably means your childhood was x times shittier than that to erode your sense of self and healthy boundaries to the point where you know what you have to do but have been brainwashed by your oppressors to the point where you can't bring yourself to do it also thinking that achieving something their parents want will mean a happy relationship with them afterwards as if their love was to be won over if they subconsciously memorize the sound of everyone's footsteps you can tell that someone has done this when they know you're nearby to ask for something without looking or even around a corner or what have you not just identify family members footsteps that's pretty easy to do if you live with them a long time but if they can readily identify everyone around them even just co-workers based on their footsteps at a minimum they've got some serious anxiety running in their brain 24 stroke 7 making them worry about who might that be and what might they want so they've learned to discern who it is i found this answer very interesting i work in an iq and i just realized i do this if i don't recognize footsteps or voice i will have mild medium anxiety and become more hyper aware i'm not over fond of new people initially being very calm and collected in serious emergency situations having to deal with stressful stuff all my life has made me very capable in tense situations this could go the complete opposite way to btw just my experience many of my friends have me listed as their emergency contacts instead of their parents because they are like i know that you can actually help instead of just flip out my childhood wasn't tough and that my parents hated me treated me badly since but they are just basically children completely unreliable unable to plan spiteful in the way teens are i had to take care of everything so now i'm just good at keeping it together good people don't always make good parents come are just basically children completely unreliable unable to plan spiteful in the way teens are row that's a great way of putting it this is why we're estranged rather than anything they did having to parent your own parents is not worth the frustration and stress the first lesson we learn in childhood is how much am i worth our caregivers are the first to reflect this worth to us from when we are infants and toddlers if we cry will someone come to us if we fall down will someone pick us up to when we are kids and teenagers do our caretakers choose to spend time with us do we get help with schoolwork friend drama there is an important balance here as kids we want to be taught that we are equally important as everyone else some kids are taught they are less important and as adults they may have a hard time asking for help they think they are bothering someone when they have a problem they may also prioritize the needs of others based on an underlying belief that other people are more important some kids are taught that they're more important than others and therefore treat others poorly and have trouble learning empathy they try to justify in their own minds why they are better which can lead to some narcissistic type thinking behavior commerce and kids are taught they are less important and as adults they may have a hard time asking for help they think they are bothering someone when they have a problem well this explains a lot i also grew up being taught that i'm always fine and there's nothing wrong with me despite having multiple things wrong with me so i feel like that also factors into why i struggle to ask basic help boundary issues are common but reactions still are an individual thing what helps to keep in mind is the 4f model of trauma responses fight flight fawn and freeze when you notice somebody's reactions are easily categorized as one of those and it is a very persistent pattern adverse childhood circumstances of some sort are a pretty safe bet in security my psychology professor used to joke that psychology is the study of common sense when someone is insecure it is generally because they lacked security as a child parental love was typically conditional and varied depending on the caretaker's mood the child becomes insecure due to love not being guaranteed so to earn this basic need they will go throughout life trying to solve social puzzles that don't exist solving imaginary puzzles all the time can prove to be fatiguing so these individuals tend to isolate themselves frequent apologizing flinching not being able to accept compliments trouble trusting people and excessive helpfulness don't forget not liking to be touched low self-esteem feels obligated to deal with things all on their own to not bother has severe trust issues either pours all their love on something someone and doesn't know when to stop or doesn't give a shoot jumping at every loud noise apologizing too much difficulty maintaining eye contact in stressful situations if the person suffers from insomnia or severe migraines this is in my case the stress from my childhood gave me chronic migraines and there are many more these are just from my perspective careful with the eye contact thing it can be but folks on the autistic spectrum also have this everyone is different but one that automatically raises a red flag for me and makes me extremely worried is when someone flinches for no reason i wouldn't say it for no reason but i don't know what other words to use so really sorry about that like you raise your voice slightly at them and they flinch you raise your hands to grab something near them and they flinch you look at them in a certain way and they flinch you hug them and they flinch etc etc i joke about being a fainting goat but i'm so hyper vigilant that i nearly jump out of my skin at any kind of startle but this is exactly why i'm like this seeming like they have it all together and definitely don't need any help from anyone oh something serious is happening make a joke oh your anxiety is debilitating better go isolate yourself because god forbid you let anyone know you're struggling and that you could use some support someone who is very good at staying calm like creepy calm the room could be on fire and they'd walk out like nothing was wrong crap i need a therapist being extremely uncomfortable in other people's houses my family was poor and we lived in a small house with a lot of stuff in it that was just piled all over the place i refused to have people over because i was so embarrassed by it whenever i went to someone else's house i could never relax and was always on edge because i felt like i was in a palace the houses were two or three times or more the size of my house and were perfectly clean coordinated and decorated like something out of a magazine i was afraid to touch anything or sit on anything i slowly learned that these people weren't royalty or interior designers they were normal people living in normal houses those were homes that people lived in and slept in and ate in normal houses my family was the one that was abnormal i still ask permission to sit somewhere if i'm in someone else's home for the first time i can't break that defensiveness if you're one of those people who gets super defensive about even the slightest error it's usually a good sign that they grew up in an environment where it was definitely not okay to make mistakes ouch not being able to remember your childhood i have a few memories that i've made my own from old photos i've seen but really don't have much one of my brothers remembers things vividly from our childhood i have some memories but none particularly vivid not sure what's up with that they move extremely silently as though they've been conditioned to not be heard or seen ps everyone that has ever worked on a kitchen line with me hate how they can't hear me move around them how how i get called ninja on the line cause when i used to live at home i would have to physically walk on my tiptoes around my house in order to be quiet enough and i'm super quiet walking in the kitchen either isolated or poor choices in friends unhealthy romantic relationships unhealthy use of substances low self-esteem dependence on others for validation poor self-regulation of emotions and behavior easily heightened and or experience anxiety no goals or lower than they could achieve and anything else and any combination of these sometimes it's also not depending on others for validation but over emphasizing the importance of independence extreme workaholism and inability to be vulnerable is also another sign super independent it's hard to ask for help don't complain about food eat everything they're offered hard workers respectful of adults can become very upset over tiny things egg dropping a phone and it cracks the screen pretty understanding of the outsiders at work school compassionate don't talk about their family you never know how many siblings they have etc hard-working perfectionist someone who is really uncertain and decision making and never wants to put anyone out of their way they may also be really loving but are really scared to be hurt it's common practice to ask permission before writing my biography for me geez continual self sabotage either staying in a terrible relationship or blowing up a perfectly good one you kinda internalize the thought that you don't deserve good things so you destroy them to justify your anxiety the sad thing is these people often don't even realize they're doing it your brain tries to externalize the bad things happening to you you don't want to admit that it's your own fault well one that i've noticed is flinching at sudden movements asking permission to buy cheap things with their own money hesitating to let people buy things for them and then choosing an option you know they don't like because it's cheap asking permission to do really simple and mundane things is one that my friends have pointed out to me questions where the answer is always yeah obviously or of course you don't need to ask to do that that is hey do you mind if i lean back on this wall i'm just gonna move a little bit closer to you i hope that's all right can i tell a funny story etc giving a reason for doing anything i'm just going to lean on here because it's more comfortable i'm still listening to you i'm going to the bathroom i need to check my phone real quick i'm just going to get my pen it fell underneath my desk can't think of any better examples off the top of my head but i'm sure you know what i mean not necessarily a sign of a rough childhood but i usually say if a young child 11 12 speaks and carries themselves like an adult especially if they have younger siblings it's because they've had to step up and be the parent when their parents couldn't i've been called an old soul more times than i could count like it's the depression actually but thanks those are just ones that have been pointed out to me by friends and teachers there's probably more but i can't remember atm it's early oh wow why did this comment section make me cry feels weird to get called out on coping mechanisms omg glad i'm not the only one we're just trying our best sometimes they feel emotionally distant like you can talk to them just fine and it seems like they're being open to you but it feels like they're emotionally untouchable as if they have walls and barriers put up but are trying to hide it they'll either be apathetic or grandiose to hide how they might be hurting this is just in my case but maybe because showing vulnerability in their family would just be used as ammunition against them in the next argument they might keep you at arm's length at first but once you get to know them and really connect with them they'll practically hold you above all things as if you are an essential part of their lives my now boyfriend always used to say jokes like now you don't hurt me it's way worse at home but he had a look on his face after saying those type of jokes and knew a body saw it igloos so one night when we were on a call i asked him if everything was all right and if those joke were really a joke he was quiet for five second and told me everything after that i learned that some people knew but just ignored it he was so relieved that someone could see his pain and was willing to talk about it after three four months after that we were together and are still together he is the nicest person i have ever met being extremely kind and over helps always trying to make sure you are treated perfectly sometimes it's the happy ones that have the roughest childhoods being really good with money is sometimes a sign that someone didn't grow up with much money and had to save to afford food and stuff being unable to draw boundaries apologizing constantly drawing their sense of worth from everyone around them displacing their emotional responsibility into their relationships ex miserable but don't want to acknowledge it so they displace their frustration of what's happened to them onto friends people pleasing avoiding touch can hint they didn't have enough good touch from their parents to balance out any bad touch perfectionism procrastination apologizing for things that are out of their control flinching at loud noises fidgeting needing validation low self-esteem getting visibly uncomfortable when family is mentioned either being the motherly friend or the chaotic friend mine was when i would say to my wife our kids won't have an upbringing like mine i want them to have the best i thought most people thought like this turns out nope when my kids were little my mom would say why do you go the kids sports day in the school play the won't remember i turned and said oh i remember everyone you weren't there for which was easy cause you only came once and moaned about how long the carol service was because you wanted to go out and get pee sorry this is long winded i just needed to vent christ imagine asking someone the equivalent of why do you care about your kids at least my mom thinks she was there for me like in her made-up version of my childhood sorry man that blows one day after my uncle spent long day patiently going on all these rides with me at a theme park with me even the kitty ones i thanked him he smiled and said no thank you i never got to do these things as a kid and now i get to do it with you and not look like a weirdo i find a lot of people with rough childhood really relish the chance to get back some of childhood that was taken from them when they talk about crap like it's normal seriously it took me nine years to realize how messed up our conversations were in primary hoarding food blankets emergency stashes of all types when you grow up with little you are almost too concerned with never wasting anything it's the emotional security of knowing that you have enough for yourself and those whom you love when you raise your hand a little and they flinch my boyfriend does this and i have to hug him and keep reminding him that i am not going to hit him i flinch at the slightest movements but i didn't have a rough childhood or anything immediately stopping whatever they were doing when someone walks by instinctually feeling like you have to hide any and everything tells me they had no privacy and probably got in trouble for incredibly minuscule things growing up i am overly sensitive to people's emotions or feelings if someone is quiet for too long i get nervous and think they are angry with me i also flinch when people come at me from behind or unexpectedly both of these are difficult to explain in friendships with people with different childhoods because it's easy to misinterpret anxiety as insecurity and downplay disproportionate reactions i still have a hard time explaining that i actually hate being tickle grabbed and i laugh and scream out of instinct and not fun they do not like to be touched i had a very rough childhood and the only people i can stand to be touched by is my better half and kids i know that this is sad to say but one of the positives for me about covered 19 is now i do not have to worry about handshakes stray hugs and pats on the back i hate being touched i absolutely loathe it i don't want hugs from my friends or my mom or my sisters or anyone unless i'm romantically involved with someone and then i want them to never let me go and i always want to be touching them in some way like holding their hand i have at least a few friends who have somewhat neurotic behavior and anxiety around food like they need to be specifically offered or even served food even when it is presented 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Channel: On Tap Studios

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Keywords: rough childhood, rough childhood motivation, rough childhood story, growing up poor, poor, poor family, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: msVILc5SB2M

Length: 22min 28sec (1348 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 04 2021