Panel Discussion :: Relationship Goals (Part 5)

how many people have been blessed by this sermon series so far this has been a good one for you okay well we're taking it to the next level today next level and how are we gonna do that you know somebody once told me that collective wisdom is better than one person's wisdom every day and we're in the fifth week of this sermon series and I thought we'd do something different I can talk about relationships all day I got tons of stuff to talk about and I got three more weeks to do it after this and you don't want to miss them but today I thought that let's let's invite some other people who may represent people in the audience who are watching people who may be single people who may be dating people who are engaged people who've been married a short time a long time young old all that and let's just start talking this is one of the things me and my wife have found that in real relationships sometimes it's better when somebody else starts the conversation then for the people in the relationship to start the conversation um I know that many times when me and my wife were going through something if I asked her something about why she did something it turns into an argument or excuse me he did fellowship at that moment but when somebody else asked most of it both of us how are you doing in this area then we both get an opportunity to share um what we're gonna try to do is three things and and for all you that have to have Scripture and have points these are it's coming in the next five minutes so you better get all of them because the rest of it's gonna be dialogue okay the reason that we're doing this is my desire is that every person would embrace the time and season God has them in um ecclesiastics 3/1 says for everything there is a season a time for every activity Under the Sun that's including relationship that means there's a time to be single there's a time to marry there's a time to be alone and let God refine you there's a time for everything and so we want everybody to not just be in their season but we want you to embrace it man I'm married and I love you man I'm single and I'm living it up man I'm dating and I don't know if she's the one or she the one but it's fun right now like I want you to embrace whatever season you're in so that God can get the most out of it the second thing I want you to know is that there is her hope for your hurdles there's hope for your hurdles everybody's going through something in relationship that is a hurdle for them some of y'all don't know how to communicate and that's a hurdle for you so you really feel something but every time it comes out in a secondary emotion like anger frustration and really you have something really that needs to be addressed but you don't know how to do it and we want to let you know number one wherever you are relationally through this panel you're not the only one going through it the enemy tries to take people out in isolation you're the only one don't tell nobody what you're going through what are they gonna think of you when they find out y'all are really having these marital problems or the relationships not working out or we just went Facebook official and now we want to quit a week later but I just want you to know that everybody has hurdles in relationship okay can we just break the ice how many people have hurdles in relationships right now come on let's be honest okay and some of y'all like I'm not even in a relationship you have hurdles with the people on your dorm floor you have hurdles with the person who serves you Starbucks every week they understand what I'm saying those are all relational things and we want you to know there there's help for that see because III think that the church has lost the power of a simple testimony I feel like we don't realize that if we just can share with somebody where we're at and what we're going through and how God's bringing us through or brought us through that how that gives hope to somebody else I want you to understand that this what's gonna happen today is as powerful as me getting up speaking in tongues laying hands on people because the Bible tells us in Revelations when the enemy comes to accuse this is how you overcome him it says revelations 12:11 you can take that down it says and they defeated him they have defeated him the enemy by the blood of the Lamb that's grace that we all receive and the words of their testimony the problem is many of us get changed and we don't want to share what God has done it's like we get sanitized and we never want anything to do with who we were and what we used to think and what we do but what you don't know is it brings hope for somebody else's hurdles that's why every Sunday I get up here I'm like I know who I was I was a liar I was a cheater I was addicted to pornography I was a manipulator why cuz that let somebody who's dealing with some of that stuff right know that there is hope for your hurdles and what we want you to know today relationally is there's hope for your hurdles and the last thing we want you to know and this is something that I me and my wife really try to keep in every message we do at transformation Church we think that practical leads to progress like when you're practical it leads to actually moving forward I've been in some churches and some stuff they be in the fifth heaven and everything is so deep and we're going to another dimension like I didn't get the last one like I didn't get the last I mentioned why do we have to go to another one and I and though there's many much wisdom and things that come a lot of times we don't leave knowing how to do anything and if we're gonna really transform we have to have practical steps of how to move out of where we are to where God's going we have a saying around transformation church that that this church is not about perfection it's about what progression listen I don't care what your Christian walk looks like if it's leaps jump steps or scoots if you're scooting just keep progressing does everybody hear what I'm saying religion tries to tell you you should know this much by now and you should be here by now and you should do that no no no no just keep moving forward and if you keep doing that God will get you to the destination that you're supposed to be proverbs 4 chapter 5 verse 7 this is the best way that we can get progress it says get wisdom develop good judgment don't forget my words or turn away from them don't turn your back on wisdom everybody say wisdom for she will protect you love wisdom love her and she will guard you watch this underline this it says getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do like I love that it's like trying to make it for all of us who may be a little remedial getting wisdom is the wisest thing you could do and whatever else you do develop good judgment another translation says and all you're getting didn't understand and so today that's what we want to do we want to get an understanding we want to get some wisdom and I thought it would be great for me you heard from me and pastor Natalie last week but I thought we'd get some other people up here that I have relationship with I trust that many of them go to transformation church and we can learn together we're gonna laugh today we're gonna talk real today and I want you to take at least one or two things that you can say okay I'm gonna put that in my bag for my relationship for my family or I'm not putting that in my bag what they're doing who don't do that like I want you to take it and I want you to be better because of what God is gonna do it man okay so I'm gonna introduce this panel to you right now but since we're talking about relationships I need some music DJ could you put some love music on or something that can get me going yeah go on turn that up DJ okay I want to introduce some of these people right now to my right the first couple that's coming out um these people are remarried um one of them their spouse passed away the other one they were divorced and God has brought them together we all please give it up for John and Shante Williams and on this side they've been married for over 37 years they're the OGIS of our panel Pastor Adrienne and be Humphrey we out give it up for them um these two people are becoming me and Natalie's some good friends of ours they're actually starting a church here in Tulsa called even Tulsa and um this is an awesome couple married for a little over a year we all give it up for Charles and Abbie Metcalf and these next two people really are amazing in so many areas if you have ever been in the emergency room at Saint Francis you may have seen them because they're both nurses we all please give it up for David and Mandy Hays coming out now this is one of my favorite people in the whole world she is a picture of what life after divorce looks like and she fine as a glass of wine we all give it up for pastor Barbara little John come on over here pass to be cake so this man is probably one of the nicest guys that I've ever met and I've ever known and he is um he is literally one of the most encouraging people in the world we all give it up for Rhema no ocker and this is my sister right here she's single and she's ready to mingle we all give it up for Aryan Wilson s he comes out the last two the last couple that I'm gonna introduce is actually dating right now and they have submitted themselves to accountability and dating that I haven't seen many couples do and they're succeeding we're very proud of them we all give it up for Rob and Kelsey coming out and last but not least the mother that bakes all my children we all give it up for pastor Natalie and then it's burning yeah to help her down burn and help her down see she carrying a lot Thank You Bernie don't touch it that long again burning all right I'm just we gonna have a good time today okay so this is how we're gonna start thank you guys first off for being here I know this may be a little different but through our transparency I believe that we can help a lot of people in whatever age and stage and relationship they're in so that's the first thing I want to find out I want to find out what season of relationship are you currently in okay and then I want you to give me an adjective that describes or a descriptive word that describes that season for you right now like what season are you in and what is a word or a couple of words that describe that season Rahman let's start with you bro what season are you in bro I am currently a gay yeah that boy happy he is happy look at him with that pink jacket on and the word I would use to describe Beyonce it's across the world right now is stretching stretching okay stretching let's go we have been married for a year and a half and I would say our word is my word for sure is learning learning that's a good word so when a year in a year and a half that's a good word I would say my word is growing growing learning a girl y'all seem unified did you all talk about this we spent six hours practicing that okay okay for 22 and a half years and my word is spontaneous adventures mmm spontaneous adventures I'd have to say mine is new capacity new capacity now let me stop there real quick just so you guys can get a little background on this is that John's wife passed away and they had three kids right and Shonte was divorced and she had three kids two and a half years ago they came together and now they got six kids food for and multiplying and I think that's why he said he said not multiplying no more no more multiply no more but I think that's where stretch capacity comes in that's beautiful Kelsey Rob we've been dating for a year for months okay my word is preparation preparation that's a good word and my word would be vulnerable vulnerable that's a good word let's start on the other side Arian what I can already put you out there that's you single and ready to mingle fellas no I'm just put your eyes open watch and pray anyway but but what would describe the season that you're in right now descriptive word promising promising did y'all hear that promising pastor Adrienne B we have been married for 37 years that's awesome and my word would be empty nesters come on ain't nobody at the house a man and - uh just reflection thoughtful reflection thoughtful reflection yes hopeful you'll think about we could do how we can give back what we can do and love with nobody at the house yes oh we got have fun today y'all just get ready this is about to be great okay that has to be what season what stage in life are you at and what's a couple words that can describe that well my my um season is single divorced okay and my word is satisfied hey cease reclaiming our time okay I see you okay Dave and Mandy will have been married two years September 25th yeah it's the 28th it was close three days long we gonna have counseling after I got hot for him my word is maturing mature I was good David that's good Brooke Oh use your words wisely what's your word Mandy fun that's a good word okay so stretching okay stretching and fun that's good BAE what would be your word we've been married seven years and what would be your word to describe the season we're in right now constant constant adventure I like that I like that I would basically say I said we're in the season of being fruitful the chart no sleep the babies fruitfulness amen okay so um let me ask this question because we got a lot of people that that text in questions or emailed questions and this is one that they wanted to know how do you or how did you okay identify marriage material like how how do you identify the type of person what are a couple details that you look for in the type of person that even maybe you don't marry yet but you're starting in relationship and this is gonna be different for different people but what are some of those things that you look for who wants to start us out with some of those things you want to look for go ahead come on she said I'm single I'm ready to go tell me what I'm looking for well that wants to be married yeah some oh she said that like y'all don't want to be married and that that really is a key point and I like that somebody else what is something that you're looking for in some Charles what you got I think for me when I when I saw Abby she didn't need me like I was looking for somebody that she was fine by herself and she was strong and independent and but still in that there was attractiveness to like man like she's got her own thing she's good but in that's like the howling I want to be part of that like I want somebody like that on my team so you want somebody on the team that adds value not that subtracting Abby you have something to say with that I would say to someone that is pushing you forward in growth and towards your goals if you're not growing that's a red flag come on that's good um great what you got I think for me was the minimun II I think I've he said a memory of Nemo Nemo that's me Minnie Minnie so I think the biggest thing I think we know what he was trying to say he wants a woman who's feminine they had like six extra syllables feminine the minute that's okay I think the biggest thing was there's a certain level of compassion and sincerity and giving that I found in Nike that really stood out to me and I think for me even from a distance I saw that from our friends I saw there from our family outside it from our community that she was around and seeing that femininity in her seeing her the way she loved other people the way she was compassionate with others the way she sacrificed her life to others that to me really stood out yeah that's good and and he was on point he had points these are good you say the word femininity I don't even know it's not a word somebody looked at it is it's a word that just sounded like so many extra syllables now I'm just messing with you okay somebody else what do you look past it Barbara I would be looking for someone that has the God presence in them it's come that well that they first of all know God and love God because if they know God and love God they're gonna do the same for me come on and I'm also looking for that person that is secure in who they are they know exactly who they are and they're willing to they're secured in themselves and they have security um code word you got a job just in case y'all didn't get them they're like no I got ADT no a job okay all right so you go ahead babe I'll talk about you okay no he's pretty much the only guy I've ever dated so leadership uncut will tell you about it later on tonight no leadership qualities so a man that had the ability to lead others that people naturally are kind of gravitated towards at least for me that was something cuz I needed someone that knew not at the time at 14 but now I think about it someone that could lead me and so that's good so let me ask you this question and and we can get is kind of in the same vein but I just want to hear from you guys what is a deal maker and what's a deal breaker like like what's something that you're looking for that be like man when they have that quality or that character that makes me feel good or was that one thing that's like mmm if they do that or if they're like that cannot fly you got some rock well for me a deal breaker was somebody who wasn't afraid to like come for me because my idea what passivity and I was never forced to stretch or do more than what I wanted to so somebody that just wasn't afraid to help me go and push me to be better did you hear that that's that's transparency thank you for that he said he dealt with our deals with passivity which is an epidemic among men period you see these strong women in these passive media whatever you say honey whatever you do had it where are we going wherever you are like it's just this it's this thing but he said because I believe God gives us our helpmates that he knew what he was dealing with that means he was self-aware and then he believed God he didn't shun what he needed he asked God to give and he gave somebody that would confront and be able to do that okay Rob now on the same token what's a deal breaker I was like cleaning this thing keeping my just super clean but every day probably my bed is made you know I'm that kind of person so and she's a cleaning it freaks okay so God gave you what you asked for glory to God somebody else what's a deal breaker what you got Mandy well for me it's honesty especially in a culture where it's all about basic thinking yes for me it was something that if for he David was the most honest person I admit and so for me that was a big deal maker a deal maker was honesty yeah okay what's the deal breaker Mandy like if David walked up to you and was doing this you would have been like were you honest but laziness laziness did y'all hear that okay I just want you to hear laziness is a deal-breaker Dave I want to give you the same question be careful today be careful redeem yourself ideas I think something that yeah I really wanted a relationship was someone who's going to yeah be transparent I don't know she said honesty but that was a big thing for me also and so one of the things that most attracted me to Mandy was one of the first times we hung out she shared her testimony with me and was just really transparent about the good things and the bad things and what got it done in their life so it's huge for me and then as far as the deal-breaker stop looking at her today probably a deal-breaker would be someone who doesn't like cheese but I married her anyways so Mandy don't like cheese god bless her so okay so let me let me propose this to single people up here which are you for right now okay what okay let me ask it like this how do you stay content in the season of singleness when you do desire to be married like how do you because a lot of people are struggling with being content like because they want to go to the next season so bad they do not embrace this season which one of y'all want to answer that great let's go I think it's understanding that marriage is equally as valuable as singleness yeah I wanted they're not one is preparing a one is leading to the other so for me I realized as a single person I can do whatever I want to do have all the time in the world to really pursue my business pursue my passions I've traveled across the world I've been able to do things that meet people I've never been able to do and being able to be content in that and then also contending God and who he's called me to be and really seek out and understand God and listen for him and get to know him develop my relationship with him was one of the best things developing a relationship with God without distractions is one of the best feelings in the world that's awesome that's awesome anybody else kills I would say I the series whenever you talk about singleness is when I became content where we are just because I'm ready to at least being gay aged or we were around all these married people or in a marriage belong group thankfully just so we can learn and we can prepare so I feel like we've done all this preparation so I'm like anxious for the next but the singleness that you talk so it's real recent yeah I'm I can't go glory to God that's what I'm talking we fought in this progression I love it what you got um one thing God had over he reminded me and continually reminds me of is that while marriage is a blessing and that I hope to aspire to someday that it's not a reward for doing something right and thinking this is not a punishment for doing something for not doing that's good that is continual progression and also the one thing that God gave me when he when he saved me and brought me into Christ was security yeah myself that can we snap that up that was good that was good right there okay you got something let's go so when I was because I got married the first time really really young so after I got divorced that was the first time I really really was saved and single yeah and I thought you know as long as I have all my stuff together physically financially you know all these areas that I was gonna be married like are you just gonna bring him and so during that process for the longest I was like God where is he what how long is it gonna take but what I what I realized is all during that time he was strengthening my roots like he was showing himself as my provider during that time I mean I received bonuses and money that more than I've ever made in my entire life even with two incomes previously um he showed himself as my healer I'm I dealt with the sickness during that time that was really really critical God healed me completely he showed himself so faithful to me over and over and over again to where it really just made me completely sold out that you know he was taking care of me I was not alone during that time and I think that's what needed to be solidified and where I was content even there before I even received that's so good and I want to call our attention back to what we talked about a couple weeks weeks ago single and alone are two different things a lot of people are doing with with feelings of loneliness but you're not alone God said though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death you don't even have to fear cuz I'm with if you make your bed on the top of a mountain or if you make it inhale I am going to be right there with you the thing is do we deny or accept the love of God in whatever season we're in and that's something that we always have to be looking at okay let me talk to everybody right right here what does accountability look like in the season that you're in because we hear about so many relationships going off the rails and people having secret conversations but people at the jobs and on Facebook and sliding into the DMS I'm just gonna say that do you know that Facebook and Instagram and social media in the past seven years I believe this is the statistic says that has been linked to almost 40% of divorces no no no I want you to hear me say that very clearly 40% of divorces have been linked somehow to social media okay so these are real things so how do you deal with accountability in your relationship whatever stage you're in you guys are dating how do you deal with the countability kills so a little even before we started officially dating we submitted our relationship to the Todd's and we went on three months and did intentional friendship and learned each other differently and stuff like that so since then we've been really close with them and then also the Tucker's and they taught us that there's a difference between honesty and transparency so if you're asked to something then you're honest but if you're transparent it's just you sharing without having to be asked y'all need to stop and stop stop stop because people don't get this the a lot of people won't tell the truth until they're asked but what truth are you giving up like what are you saying with nobody saying where were you last night you need to be making the text in the car say I did this yesterday and that's what true accountability looks like and I can say that for Kelsey and Rob this is one thing that I have not seen a lot of people do Kelsey comes from a past that that is jaded and broken Rob comes from a past that was more thugged-out and gangster life and it don't look like it right here but he would kill you six years ago straight up kill you no there was no passivity in that moment um but but when they came and they they were they had been through too many broken relationships and they said I don't want to do this again and so what they said what do I have to do to do it right and I said it's gonna be uncomfortable but it's gonna help you and so this is a nugget that I didn't even think I was gonna pull out but I feel like the Spirit is telling me to say it that we put them on three months of intentional friendship attention a friendship with boundaries with boundaries what do you mean by that Pastor Mike we knew what they were going through and we weren't gonna set them up to fail and most people's like I like her I like her I'm grown she grown we should be able to and they came and they did that we had them read a book by Jimmy Evans together we let them know that they could not go into each other's living spaces and everything that they did had to be upright nothing vertical no kissing I mean what would what I'm saying everything you know what I meant you seen my hands dusky my hands no kissing what else was it no no a lot everything had to be for three months this is just the beginning because when you bring anything physical into it in the first three months I'm no longer trying to get to know you I'm no longer trying to get to know you to know you I'm trying to get to know you and anybody with sense knows that that's the truth and what happens is you don't have an ability to have an on-ramp or an off-ramp I said at this three months you're not putting that in on Facebook Instagram that y'all doing this and all this other stuff we're gonna come back after three months and you're gonna be able to say do I even want to continue in this go ahead baby well other thing I wanted to mention is they submitted their relationship to people that they aspired to be like in some aspect not their friends that's good and even say that because of that I think that separation God has almost separated them from a lot of people from their past even a friendships because they decided to do do it differently and so I think God has good little so that's a nice segue how do relationships change when you get married Charles so how does your relationships change when you get married when you're married like our team and us being on the same thing as the Moke it's a single most important thing like our unity nothing no greater than that no friend no hobby nothing is more important than that and so I think as you is even speaking to accountability you need to have people that will ultimately push you together like if I come to one of my friends and I'm like man she's crazy she's like no you're crazy like you need to go back you say or there or she has people that was speaking say push her back to me I think a lot of times you get people who just want to agree with you like oh yeah she is crazy aw yeah she is that's not helping you that's drawing you apart so I think just learning to find people who are who are faithfully and yeah there's some where you want to be you don't go like find someone who can't swim teach you how to swim it don't make no sense so like finding people who are where you want to be Pastor Adrienne um be 37 years in the game okay how did your relationships change like friendships cuz I know you had good friends you had good friends how does that change when you get married because I know that's an issue in counseling we deal with a lot as people and the relationships they had before the relationship how did those things change man this whole topic just got be just like wow yeah 37 years ago yeah I got some good answers I'm gonna tell you when I got married man I didn't have that spiritual route y'all come over today here you know and you know he's just a job turkey out there trying to do your thing you know I love the church and stuff you love the Lord and stuff you know and I told God you know I I want a good woman yeah my mother is a great influencer to me she had good core values and you kind of do look at your parents like that you know and I look for a woman that kinda like my mama I might my mother and so on but you know outside of that I think that's a lot of questions I just like your Lord I want that so it's a while so when when you say evolve a hundred a change I try to be brief you know you good howdy Bob because at different stages in marriage yeah it's like you get into a house and you as you go through the years you go to different rooms every room are not accessible or you first come in you may notice even you may know it's there but you will they haven't went into it here come to change how did it change here well you know when I got man I'm the man and ladies I said it I'm the man it's gonna roll my way she showed me yeah I was the man but not the way I thought I was something now that was a process yeah that heard it yeah I hope it okay we got a time for this up here but good man we have somebody saying something wrong to my trust and accountability here at different stages there's some things I leave you know the trust I didn't even know to even think about trust in that way yeah I haven't been in that room but you know one thing I do know what I'm gonna talk about what I do know it's because I was truly seeking God for a good godly relationship what I did not know God carried me through that's what I did know was that I had a woman who loved God also yeah so whatever values we had that we didn't see here I was confident we can get through yeah see divorce is never an option to me yeah now let me get real here at about 15-20 years it kind of came up a little bit like I mean George and Bob and Mary it kind of that's good but you got to trust God and what God is doing with you here and this is a God be has been she has taught me with love God has taught me what love is through her Wow I think love grows with knowledge you have to learn how to love someone even what God hear your love for God grow that knowledge as you begin to experience God oh good you know how to love God where God takes you some valleys and stuff some deep places and brings you out my soul looks back and wonder how I got over turn his mic off he's trying to hijack the talk no but that is some wisdom can we give God praise for that that's awesome that's that 37-years talking right there well go ahead that's a well I would say this information came to me from your parents actually yeah some years ago now but your mom I was talking to her she was talking about I wasn't talking about us for someone else and I mentioned someone that was in a relationship or they were married in having a single friend and she was like honestly baby she was like me and your dad do not have single friends she was like you think about it a married couple doesn't have friends of the opposite sex just on their own you know like I don't have a male friend that's not my husband's friend and vice versa he doesn't have a girlfriend that's not my friend like we have either friends that if they are single their mutual jealous or their couple friends that's just it you know I'm just telling I'm trying to save from you're asking for problems you're asking for problems when you're trying to hold on to relationships and and this is one of those because you always get that it's a question that we had come in and I'm just gonna take it real fast when people say you know well we dated before but we just want to be friends friends okay now let me let me just help you let me just help you it wasn't bad I'm not saying the relationship was bad but you leave the door open it's just wisdom for the enemy to play on your spouse or your your your your spouse's mind when you are fighting for a relationship that you don't have to have you're putting a lot of eggs in the basket on the other person you're in a relationship with to trust you that much especially if you're just starting off to trust and believe that you're having someone else of the opposite sex it's just your friend there's a lot of pressure to put on somebody you know and so and if you're asking for insecurity issues things like that and so we're just encouraging you and listen everything we saying up here you all gotta listen to it but that last scripture said that wisdom cries out in the street and it's saying please listen to me because it'll guard you and protect you i'ma go to something else real quick when should you share details of your past with the person you're in relationship with should you share it when you upfront hey my name is Bob this is everybody out of mess with this is this this is this this is this should you wait till you get married and they run away should Jewish you know honestly this is a question that people know because people get in marriages with secrets okay let's be honest sometimes they think well if I tell them they probably won't even give me a chance in your opinion when's the best time rate to tell somebody your past I think I think for me one of the things that I did with Nike I just say here's everything I've been through isn't everything expenses everybody ever dated before here's the history of everything I've ever done here's everything you need to know about me I was extremely vulnerable with her I was extremely open with her at the point I realized that you know what I think I want to marry this girl I think this is someone I really want to marry I literally put everything on blast and I think that opened the door for her to do the same thing as well because she did the same thing with me when she opened up the door about her life and pass and what she experienced and I think that created a stronger relationship with us because we can have a stronger relationship when we know okay there's nothing else we're hiding from each other that's good I mean even as we continue to grow there are things you just don't know to tell someone there's things that you know is game will conflict so as we begin to grow I will tell her about something's like I did this today it's like I didn't know that I didn't realize you experienced that I never realized she went through that and so even though I've been I was as vulnerable as I thought I was supposed to be or as vulnerable as I thought I could be as a life progressed there was even more opportunities for vulnerability that's so good so good Abby what you got crying and having to tell each other all of these things that we had done that we wish we never would have and we were we were virgins when we got married and we still had so much hurt of things that we had done so I would just always keep that in mind as you're making decisions in those seasons of like is this something that I want to tell look my spouse in the eyes and tell them one that's good thinking about it in that moment John okay you you were married before you had a life built with somebody they passed away tragically when do you start opening up and telling tion table what has happened what's going on what do you what do you think that looks like well I think I think transparency is number one and she didn't have to ask me anything I volunteered information to her just because when we got to a certain place in our relationship and I knew she was the woman that I was gonna marry I wanted to be open with her and honest and just let her know hey these are the things that happened you know with my first wife these are the things that we accomplished together I'm not I'm not putting that same expectation on you which i think is really important that's good because I never want her to be in the light of who the other woman was so I want I want what we have to be to be one to be to be the first and so that allowed her to have the ability to let her go down knowing that I didn't put that expectation on her and so the other things that we talked about that I volunteered was these are some of the things I didn't like in my first marriage these are the these are some of the things that I want us to do so that we can have a successful man yeah and so good let me move to something that we got that came on from somebody in the audience somebody asked the sexual temptation subside when you get married if not what are some best practices for purity passive Adrienne I heard you laugh when I asked you that do sexual temptations subside when you get married and what do you do if they don't well number one who society no I was a man before I got man I'm still a man that that got me amen it's just the fact that as I get older and I'm married now I handle things differently and now it's a responsibility what do I do well I think in Cincinnati here's some things very basic before about wisdom number one you got to watch you in your environment your surroundings number one you know your I gave your irrigate what's your hearing and stuff you say now you said what happens when that you didn't do that that in turn in there well you know what I take it to God I don't want to sound too super spiritual I'm just old school here come on stuff but you know what the Bible says think on these things okay and in his system one thing got to be I had to be real with myself sometimes we lie to ourselves I ain't touched by that I'm home see God yeah she got nice legs and a behind but I won't bother me no you being really real with yourself it's good father I have an issue here you know and I take it to God in prayer you know what and there are times you know we're talking about could be confining a bit transparent I have to learn that as I went through marriage yeah so I didn't understand that early y'all got y'all starting off with a lot of information and stuff here I had to learn about accountability and transparency and so what I do as together went on here some things I would just share my wife limited what's going on and we taste something - she's a godly woman trying to be quick as passing what's going on here with me I talk a lot but uh she's a she's a good godly woman I many times got revealed to her so good sometimes I don't know how to say what needs to be said maybe my manhood may be attacked to say that I have this weakness here but thank God we have a godly woman is praying for you see you ain't got to say something she just knows wow so good and she began to talk to you and support you in a way that the listener is gonna be okay yeah you know if you don't wants to marry anytime in a little time you've been through some math some battles yeah okay I'm gonna stop right they hope that I answer your question I'm trying to be do you want to say anything because that talks so much I'm trying to use Peck all the time we heard that a sign of your marriage is can your can your husband trust you with information such as he's struggling sexually with thoughts or anything like that or does he feel like if he does share with you to join him in the fight are you gonna be there to point the finger and basically tear him down and how dare you or are you gonna join them in the fight and it sounds like you definitely you've had to join them in the fight pastor and I talked early in our marriage well I think 10 years that's early for me because we've been together 37 and we said that unfaithfulness is not the problem of your mate it's not that there's something lacking in your mate is that there's something lacking in you because you made a covenant and so if you're going back on your covenant you need to examine yourself not try to criticize your mate so anytime that we shared then it was for support because he's coming to me to say I have a problem and I need you to help me so good and the same thing with me women we don't react like you know we can't fail yeah we can fail too and we need to be just as honest and acts you have to come along with us to say hold me accountable yeah that is so good so much wisdom what you got son say I wanted to say when what during the time when I was single that was something also God was developing me and was character and integrity so even then those times when you know you're lonely and you're like you know God is this manual just knock on my door you just you know you have those desires but even when you know people would reach out in your DMS what are you gonna do during that time I had to shut those things down you know you can leave you can have a response and it can leave the door open or you can have a response to someone and it shuts things down immediately and so those are the areas where God was testing me and being single so that guess what when you're married and you still see things going on or someone still approaches you you've already passed those tests God develops us all along the way so that's so good having your responses and things cuz people the enemy will come try to test you if I just want everybody to hear this because pastor Adrienne hit it on a little bit earlier but if the son of man was tempted for forty days who are we to think that we won't be tempted in different ways to help us fail so we need to be prepared just a couple more questions I really think this is helping a lot of people let me ask this um what Arian have you been intentional with in your singleness I'm gonna go you and pastor Barbara and then I want to ask a couple Mary people what do you wish you would have been more intentional with when you were single okay Arian what have you been intentional with in your singleness making sure I'm serving in some capacity in the house and being sure that I'm having fun in this time like I'm able to travel I went into a lot of places this year where you go oh it's Europe yeah that was one thing that I think that's awesome you getting to experience those things and being intentional and and just reminding yourself of who God is and and knowing him in a way that many people don't get to know him that's so good pastor Barbara after being married having a child and then being divorced what is something that because you've had two seasons of singleness what is something that you're being super intentional about in this season of your life that could help somebody else in their singleness be intentional about being the being that I am divorced I'm being intentional with letting people know that divorce is not the end of your life yeah that you can't move on so I am also being intentional with showing that I love my life yeah I love Who I am and that I am so free and being who God wants me to be I'm enjoying God I have made my home a sanctuary that when I feel lonely it is I want my home to be a sanctuary that even young single girls who may be struggling with who they are and and and in their independence that they can they could know that they can make it if you've gone to divorce and divorce is not a beautiful thing at all God hates divorce but once you have been walking in it or you find yourself in it you can still live a life that is secure you can get back on your feet you can be strong and even if it is even going back to the accountability part and and knowing that sometimes yes I see a person a young gentleman that I'm a very cool girl a quick and sometimes Cougars see you out here faster Barbara and I'm honest and I'm transparent with God I'll say God okay now all right Stella trying to get my groove back I'm not hiding anything and I know that I look good so me and Jesus we have a top yeah but I know that the scripture says whatever is done in the dark is gonna come on to the tape so I don't hide anything from God when I go home I go home a little and then and when I'm lonely me and Jesus I put my music on and I'm telling you we have a party in my house I'm just like Adrienne I believe in traveling I make sure that I'm accountable when it comes to being a good steward over what God has given me I'm not a foolish woman and I make sure that I take care of my home and that I am being a good steward but what God has given me because I want to be able to sew into the lives of anybody that come before me that I think that is young Oh single marriage and I do I've experienced enough to know that listen ladies especially those of us that when we come into marriage and you have been independent for a long time you have to shift you have to shift from where you were walking alone and know that now you are not independent and you have to be able to be able to say that when I was doing this by myself is no longer just i but back to your point I am very much we see we know you are very much we we already got it okay see that and hide this but I want you to know pastor pastor Barbour hollaby I'm 67 6 what is that I know I'm fine great so awesome last thing I want to ask him we got to get out of here maybe we could do this all day because this is some really good are you guys being a help it's about some of this stuff that's happening up here so good cake so let me ask this question what's the scripture that helps guide what season you're in right now like what's what's something that's helped anchor you whether you're married or whether you're single or whether you what's something that's helped anchor you pastor barber the scripture that says no matter what state you're in there with be content that took me through the tumultuous time that I had when I was going through my divorce yeah so looking at having to take on the the the expenses where it was two full-time people in my life and carrying the weight of home job whatever and that scripture is what kept me on course yeah no matter what state you're in there with be content that's why I said I'm divorced and satisfied anybody else anybody else got a scripture Charles I think they're ours is Ephesians 3:20 God is able to do more exceedingly more abundantly than you can ask think or imagine that's so good what you got proverbs 3:5 and 6 trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path so good right what you got right excited to see first the kingdom of God His righteousness and everything else will be added unto you man what you got wrought for minds it would be discerning power of three five six because I'm pulling into a season where and my family I don't have anybody to look at as an example so I'm going into something that I have no idea about but I'm trusting to him that I'll be able to lead the current work that's so good so did um I think I think mine would be Isaiah 26 and three you will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you and all whose thoughts are fixed on God I think for me and Natalie we've been through a lot of different seasons but because our mind is fixed and focused on God we trust him like hey this sucks right now but we trust God hey we don't have as much money as we need right now ha ha but we trust God hey one of our children is going through an issue and we really need God to come through but we we trust you and when you have faith and focus you win I just want to encourage everybody in your relationships wherever you are thank you guys for being so transparent but wherever you are in your relationship I want you to know that only you need two things you need faith in God and you need to stay focused on what God is trying to do in your life and if you have those two things one day you'll be sitting on the couch with whatever stage of relationship you're in and you'll be sharing the faithfulness of God me and Natalie aspire to be 37 years in the game like the Humphreys um but that doesn't negate the seven years we're in right now so be content in whatever season you have and allow God to work on you in that season can we pray for everybody right now I want us to just stretch our faith not saying that we're perfect people but progressing people and we want to pray over this group of people father we thank you for every person that is listen father we we extend our faith father God we're not who are not up here like we've figured it out father but we trust you and we have faith to believe you God we pray for every marriage god there's marriages in this room that are going through hell right now God and I'm praying that the peace of God will begin to flow in those marriages god I thank you Father that there are people who in here that are single who have been discontent father and I thank you right now you are bringing a level of peace that passes their understanding father I thank you for even the person who's divorced and is going through a hurt and trying to figure it out I think you as passive Adrian say father you're gonna be the one who carries us through the valleys as well as you're gonna carry us to the mountaintops Oh the spirit I'm asking you to uncut us from every relationship that's not like you everything that's not adding to us but bringing us harm father and we thank you for restoration of those father God who are far apart from each other but need you to come into their relationship I thank you for passion being renewed I thank you for love being intentional father and I thank you that you would be the sinner we trust you and believe you that our relationship goals father God will be centered in you and you'll do something amazing to transform our lives in Jesus name we agree Amen let's give God praise [Applause]

Channel: Transformation Church

Views: 1,605,944

Rating: 4.9258208 out of 5

Keywords: Transformation Church, Tulsa, Represent, God, Christ, Sermon, Jesus

Id: SRR-3foxPpI

Length: 55min 9sec (3309 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 05 2017