Overcoming The Pain of Adultery

how long were you guys married before the infidelity started March 11 2013 you're very specific yes I remember yeah there was two social media I received a long message from this young lady he inbox me she knew my name she knew his full name his birthday and she said I don't think you're aware I don't think and don't mention to you that I'm pregnant and I'm doing next month okay Wow so the affair starts and so what did you attribute it to I thought it was me I thought it was because I didn't have experience I felt numb yeah a long time I felt numb trade neglected I'm like well how could I have been so blind right three jobs welcome to another edition of your world I'm host Chris Lord Allah and I believe today's program is going to hit home in a big way now when things get tough the questions that most married couples ask are can we make this work and is it really worth it you know adultery deception and mistrust has infiltrated this particular marriage which has truly come off of the rail so can this marriage be restored well you're gonna find out right now on today's episode of you're changing one life time after time or not we do it all for you through the trials I see I always believed I knew my stars oh - Oh today change just wanna come your way share to get an understanding his grace with transform today I want you to meet Lisa Johnson she married in September of 2008 and yet just a few short years later they are currently living apart because of Kendall's adulterous behavior and Lisa has expressed that without a miracle she sees no hope of ever reconciling now we don't know today where things will end up but I know God is going to bring grace to Lisa today you know marriage is a serious institution that has been ordained by God it is something that God put in place obviously for a reason one of the reasons I believe is that it eliminates weaknesses by exchanging strengths for weaknesses and when people get married wherever that husband is weak he's marrying someone that's strong in that area and when they come together it eliminates the weakness marriage is also something that will help you to develop and grow out of selfishness and if the marriage didn't get it when you have children they will guarantee you that's go bid Olivia out of selfishness but one of the things that I learned a long time ago dealing with my wife taffy I understand now that how she treats me is none of my business my business is how I treat her and that that's so vital in in in life when people can begin to understand that we it's none of my business how she treats me well you know she was mean to me or well she did this to me no my business is how am I going to treat her and the same thing is true with taffy it's not it's none of her business how I treat her her business is how she treats me now notice self is not there anymore and as a result of it then we're going to be able to accomplish some things but so many people get involved in a marriage out of emotions only I love you I'm crazy about you and we need to talk about how are we willing to live together to treat one another to honor another to respect one another to accept one another to grow with one another and sometimes as a result of it are not knowing these things then infidelity comes into the picture and the marriage the marriage breaks and it really never had a chance because the people in marriage didn't understand what it takes to work that marriage al marriages have to be worked out they don't work out on their on their own and so you have gone through a very hurtful painful situation here and I want to start off with how did you meet your husband and did you think he was the one what was going on on the inside when you met him when I met him physically he was the one that that I thought of as a husband he was tall physically fit he was an athlete and also at that time he when we started talking he would ask me to pray for him and that's a strong area for me because I always loved to pray for others so he's met your physical requirements and then by asking you to pray for him he's met yours Aris reply yes okay yes so when he asked me to pray and I would pray for him and he would send me Scripture so just an agreement with him I was like oh okay and he when I see the print on my own prayer he prays in tongues soon great and we did it for three years and when I graduated college no dated for three years now let's let's let's help everybody here I have this little thing about the 100 question dating process and that's why I say single people that you dating somebody you need to a thousand questions during the dating process you need to ask some questions y'all need to sit down and go on a whole lot of dates what's your name is that your real name do you have your daddy's name when can I meet your daddy is your daddy and Mama together how do you act when you get mad do you throw things do you cuss around do you beat up on people I need to know do you have a job where do you work at how much money do you make you've been working now do you have a bank account how is your credit can I see your credit score do you have a house are you living an apartment do you pay for your gas in your car do you live with your mom and them I need to understand what you doing what you like to eat do you plan on being behind like that all your life or you plan on getting big how many children do you want to have when you get upset if we don't have no kids you plan on having an inheritance do you have insurance can you pay for your funeral if you were to die today you need to know who you married and don't you dare get married to something out of time I I've never seen him angry since I met him it is not time to marry that person you need to see how he looked and you need to ask that woman how you look without your makeup don't put none on tomorrow I need to see the hat you got on your head is that yours or did you purchase it and if you purchase it is it paid for are you in debt I need to know when you blink your eyes or don't your eyelashes or or did you buy those from somewhere I need to know you smell good today but what about tomorrow morning I need to know do you believe in taking showers at night or in the morning do you believe in taking 3 days off and then take shower how is your relationship with soap and water I need and hope what's your motive all that time I lure him and I'm ready to get married to him you don't even know him did your daddy commit adultery did his daddy commit adultery because I don't know if this thing you know got to part three in and then I don't want to be no part of it you asked a bunch of questions don't ever time ID you ain't got nothing to talk about and don't wait to him or her starts the conversation you started said now how you're doing today all right pull the questions I let's go I came up with a hundred and some questions that you can ask throughout this dating process so that you try your best not have any surprise what's your favorite color all these different things that the traumatic events in your life the things that you would know so that you can really make some good decisions now in light of what I'm saying how close did you come to doing some of that in the three year dating process I would say as far as is his family history no I didn't get too deep into that I wish I would have because I think that would have saved me well I don't know as far as later I know his mom would tell me about infidelity on his grandfather's side I didn't address that while we were dating I thought we'd discuss everything as far and it was clear communication is key but we didn't have a lot of that in the marriage we didn't really go into what is it like to on the intimate in the marriage and I felt like because I got married as a virgin that I needed to be prepared now did he know you were virgin when you're married yeah and I think he kind of used that as a crutch in the marriage now that I think about it in what way we had a sexless marriage and he would use the fact that I was inexperienced um when it would come time for us to be intimate it will be like okay you just too spiritual you want to pray before we have sex who does that what was that like that in the beginning yes wait a minute when you when you were first married uh-huh yes there were there were problems in the beginning and I felt like he wasn't really doing anything about it to change that fat yeah and did you get to the point where you looked at yourself and said something must be wrong with me yes we move up to that point and and then here's the news that happened how long were you guys married before the infidelity started March 11 2013 you're very specific yes I remember yeah there was two social media I received a long message from this young lady she inbox me she knew my name she knew his full name his birthday and she said I don't think you're aware I don't think Kendall mention to you that I'm pregnant and I'm due next month okay Wow so the affair starts and and this this woman gets pregnant what were the emotions that of course hurt what were you going through emotionally I want I want to I want others to realize what you're going through as we come out of this what what was that like I felt numb yeah a long time I felt numb trade neglected I think what really really hurt me was not only that he was making excuses that okay I was inexperienced but when we would get intimate he would just basically nothing what happened we were not able to get intimate because either his leg was hurting or he was too tired so there was always an excuse when it's when it's time for us to get into me and you're blaming yourself this much yeah it must be me maybe I'm not attractive enough maybe and then I would just go and learn different things to you know impress him and please him and so when I found out I was I was like okay so you were just you know somebody with somebody else which hurt more yes oh my good I have been so blind that happens with women a lot they feel like how could I've been so blind I feel stupid how come I didn't see this it's right in front of my face okay so we're getting ready to take a break and I want to kind of come back and encourage you about your future he's my god get ready to turn some things around in your life sometimes to rent how many believers do I have it right now and always anointed creflo dollar streaming live from Atlanta and New York City Saturdays at 6 p.m. Sundays at 10:00 a.m. and Wednesdays at 7 p.m. stay connected no matter where you are in the world creflo dollar's just a click away catch him live three times a week at Creflo Dollar ministries org welcome back now Lisa you're freaking out you're numb you're hurt you feel betrayed you feel unattractive and you decided to go to counseling right yes I felt numb at the time and I couldn't even pray for myself we decided to have counseling we did and then last long up until September I find out who social media again now this is the same one that was pregnant right no Oh see this is the different one different one okay so this is another one so we're at two that you know of that I know of okay go ahead thank you so I kept walking her and then I finally asked them because it was right around the time we celebrated our 6-year anniversary so I actually I said why is so-and-so and I said the name because she you know wanting to follow me and he said no no no no don't don't do that she's affiliated with the baby mama she just wants and in our relationship she just wants to come and destroy our marriage I'm like okay you fooled me once you're not gonna fool me twice so I was spending time with God and I was led to unblock her and follow her and I saw them together pictures kissing pictures videos into a recent and he worked at the gym working out together and I was like oh that's why he wanted me to block her okay I was like okay so we're we're in marriage counseling but yet you're still out messing with another lady so so now where are you now where are you emotionally I don't know smelly yeah I mean I know I know the park came up I'm stupid again yeah yeah it is because you're concerned about you know a lot of things you sexually transmitted disease yeah you're concerned about I mean your emotions at this particular point I mean and I want to tell you this and in anybody who's been in this situation you're not stupid you just you just you just thought that you could have the right to trust somebody within a marriage where you took vows don't beat yourself up like that it's almost like a sexual assault it is never the fault of the victim it is always the fault of the predator always a fault the fault of the one that they didn't know you know in marriage of course we have different things we both have to work on but ultimately it becomes the responsibilities of both parties to make sure that we honor this marriage I mean the Bible says that marriage is honorable to all and the bed undefiled and that we honor that marriage at all cost can restoration take place yet can but I mean how many times are you going to hurt and destroy emotions and think you can just continue to go back to to do that you you if you find pictures what do you do all I could think about was somebody's trying to get killed so you know what I'm not gonna do that because I'm thinking okay I'm gonna go to jail and I have a life ahead of me and God has a purpose for me and you know what I'm just gonna let him leave but even as a Christian you had those thoughts oh yeah so we can't yeah sometimes I had pictures of I mean thoughts of snipping stuff and yeah yeah yeah yeah and and and you know the thing that I've really appreciate about this show is that we have an opportunity to go into your world and your born-again Christian you know and and there are issues that happen even in our lives I mean we can't stop the birds from flying over our head but we can't stop them from building the nest in our hair and I thank God that that that you had enough of God on the inside of you to really overcome those negative emotions because negative emotions will lead you down a road that when you get there and calm down you're like oh my god I can't believe I allowed my myself to turn my life over to my negative emotions so I congratulate you on that go ahead with your story yeah so um so I told him you had to go so go to your parents and and he was like do you want to talk about it and I said nope and he just left and that was that so when he left he kept calling me and I never answered and his mom called me and wanting to know what happened and I explained to her what happened and she was just like I didn't know my son was so weak and I said well you know you better be glad he's still alive cuz you're hurting right hurting yeah so where are you guys today we've been separated since September and so separated and as far as I know no there's no future for so you said there's there's no hope of reconciling this I've had enough I've had enough do you think he loves you still I don't think so you keep saying it but I'm like okay that's what love is then I don't want it let's look at you for a moment what kind of damage you think occurred through this process and how is it may be hindering you from going forward I feel like I'm picking myself back up so I feel like when I come with him I I was whole so now I feel like okay now I have to get back to being whole and I know of course Christ makes us whole but as far as everything yeah your your spirit your soul and everything coming back together and I imagine you've gone through tremendous amount of stress as a result of this you do you think you think you'll ever be married again I believe I still believe in marriage you believe in marriage because a lot of times people go through this and they just don't believe in marriage again and it's good that you do believe marriage what would you do differently I would ask more questions my the list that I thought I had it will be revamped and I would go more into family histories generations and then of course I would um I guess I will just really cuz I thought I trusted God and with this marriage but I think now I would really really allow God to lead me to who he has in store for me do you believe that there are some natural things you need to pay attention to thank God for the spiritual things I believe in the supernatural I believe that God puts his super on our natural we live supernatural lives well kind of hypothetically speaking what would you have needed from him in order for this marriage to be able to to work so really show me that he loves me you needed some affirmation affirmation that love I just say it yeah in affection yes let me say first of all affection is not six and a lot of times people think that it is it may be a part of it but affection involves a lot of you know concern how are you doing hugging genuine caring about a person and what they went through and and and really enjoying one another's company you know and so you wanted to see more of that you wanted to be to be loved I mean that that's a that's a basic human need I'm so sorry that you had to go through what you went through and now is the time for you to really tap into the grace of God that there's more grace available to you than all of the problems that you've gone through I want you to understand that you still have a purpose in your life and you don't ever have to you know explore it yourself or ever get to the point where you feel like you know I've got to tolerate something in order to have a relationship with somebody else you should have standards and you should carry yourself in a way that's befitting to the woman of God that you are so you're gonna be alright there's enough grace to handle everything that you've gone through and we're pulling for you okay now Lisa I want you to make sure that you understand you have a future it's not over but I also want to make sure that you're not drinking poison hoping somebody else will die and what I mean by that is maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but you and God continue to work on forgiveness because it's just so important I mean when when you don't walk in forgiveness you give the other person power over you and and you don't want that to happen and it's painful it's hurtful but that's the thing that we always pursue is to a life of forgiveness and the other than that you do have a future and your life is not over and the grace of God is available to cause all kinds of things to happen and I don't want you to carry on this mentality that you you'll never be able to trust again that you'll never be able to love again and you don't want to move into a fear-based lifestyle where you're so fearful about things like this happening again that you find yourself just pushing away people that maybe God sent them to you to be a blessing to you you know I believe that marriage is an honorable institution of God but it takes work it takes work to work the marriage and we've got to be careful that we don't assume that the problem is always with somebody else I mean you can get a new job and move to a new city and have new friends but they aren't the only problem with that is that the old you keep showing up and what you want to do is to make sure that the old you does show up and so people make mistakes but it doesn't have to be the end of your life and people go through a lot of unfortunate situations but it doesn't have to be the end of your life God's grace is available to take you up out of a pit of hurt and pain place your feet on a solid ground and to show you that there is a future that is bright and that life is not over and you can take the hurt and pain and use it to minister to somebody else I pray that you got something out of this program today and that it will help you to know that life is not over as always I'm thankful to be able to bring real world solutions to you each week on your world adultery is real and the pain is devastating but you can recover if you are or have dealt with it and to help I've assembled a set of resources to help you deal with the emotional and spiritual battles that this type of betrayal brings on my announcer is coming to tell you all about it and I'll be right back God created marriage as a blessing a relationship that would demonstrate his unfailing love for you and all of his creation but the reality of marriage in our day is different just like Lisa story marriages are failing every day what God created as a blessing has become a prison for most couples as they struggle to handle the pressures and frustrations of building a marriage that lasts but there is hope today your marriage and the married couples you know can be transformed through activating the power of grace and listen it's not as hard as you think creflo dollar has made this principle simple and easy to do with his all new life course entitled the grace filled marriage now there's no more wondering about the tools necessary to build a successful marriage this standout course has removed all of the guesswork as Creflo equips couples with everything they need to create a thriving relationship based on God's grace first the course kicks off with the insightful teaching the fulfilling marriage on your choice of CD or DVD content of this for session workshop is proven to have a significant impact on any marriage you'll be captivated as you learn the practical steps to release grace in your marriage establish a lasting purpose of the center of your marriage to withstand every storm identify the steps to quickly deal with conflict and so much more then the course continues with the principles revealed in the easy-to-read guide fight for your marriage in just a few simple pages you'll discover the steps to protect your marriage against failure and this book reveals a vital principle that most couples are never taught what to do the minute you know your marriage is in trouble these resources create a journey that will take any marriage to new levels of joy and fulfillment and the course is designed so you can experience it together with other couples in your home church or small group environment but here's the best news of all the grace filled marriage is available exclusively on this broadcast for your gift of only $45 to the work of Creflo Dollar ministries around the world and as a bonus gift you'll also receive a DVD of the program you saw today plus the marriage Q&A session with our studio audience you didn't see this portion in today's broadcast but you don't want to miss it as Creflo answers some of the toughest relationship questions head-on raw and uncut as only he can do so that's the entire Grace filled marriage life course including the fulfilling marriage on CD or DVD the mini book fight for your marriage and a copy of the program you saw today plus the exclusive marriage Q&A session for your gift of $45 you and those you know deserve a healthy marriage that lasts don't wait call now he's lying God get ready to turn some things around in your life sometimes to rent how many believers do I have it right now and always anointed Creflo Dollar streaming live from Atlanta and New York City Saturdays at 6 p.m. Sundays at 10:00 a.m. and Wednesdays at 7 p.m. stay connected no matter where you are in the world creflo dollar's just a click away catch him live three times a week at Creflo Dollar ministries org your love and financial support make it possible for this broadcast to be seen and heard on six different continents we thank the partners and Friends of Creflo Dollar ministries for making this program possible you

Channel: Creflo Dollar Ministries

Views: 106,258

Rating: 4.778234 out of 5

Keywords: Creflo Dollar, Adultery (Quotation Subject), Pastor Creflo Dollar, Your World, World Changers, Grace, Christianity (Religion), Religion (TV Genre)

Id: iexufl1s4FQ

Length: 28min 31sec (1711 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 25 2015