Joyce Meyer 2020 Sermons - Marriage - Full Sermons

[Music] well thank you for joining us today i hope that you enjoy your time with us we're going to be talking about marriage and relationships and basically the marriage relationship and you know some of you may not be married but to be honest even if you're not married sometimes the best time to get teaching on marriage is before you get married because a lot of times people don't think about that and then they have all these problems maybe could have been avoided if they would have done a little more studying before they got into the relationship and so i guess i'd like to just open with this statement relationships can be very challenging can anybody say amen and especially the marriage relationship can be challenging because you're with that person all the time and going to lunch with a friend is quite different than being married to somebody for 50 years and dave and i have been married 50 years and i can say that during that period of time god has changed me a lot and it's probably a good thing because if i wouldn't have let him do that i probably wouldn't still be married today and so i want to start out by talking to you about what are your expectations when you get married if you're not married yet what is it that you're expecting or if you are married what do you expect from the person that you're married to i think one of the things in our lives that gives us a lot of problems is just have an unrealistic expectations you know when you're expecting somebody to give you something they don't know how to give you or to maybe understand something about you that they could not possibly understand especially if you're expecting somebody to make you happy all the time and i do think a lot of people when they get married they get married with the idea that now you're going to make me happy all the time and first of all you know some of the things that you feel when you're dating somebody is totally different than the way you feel you know after you've been married for a while and so there's a lot of excitement and goosebumps and all those things you know it's it's almost like you know the chase is different than when you actually get what you want for example i didn't know when i married dave that he played golf i didn't even know that and of course you've heard all my golf stories my funny stories i mean i didn't i didn't know that he was as crazy about sports as he is you know that those were not he wasn't focusing on that at that time he was focusing on me i was like the only the most important thing in his life however we'd been married about a week when he told me that he was going to go out and hit shag balls which that happens to be what guys that are serious about golf do to practice while his whole family was coming over to see our new little apartment and because of the way i was raised i wasn't really comfortable with the whole family situation anyway and so i couldn't believe that he was going to go out and hit shag balls and leave me there to do all this work by myself thus we had our first argument over golf and it certainly was not the last but it was the first and i just think it's interesting as much as he loves all kinds of sports and especially golf that we got married and i didn't even know that he played golf so just trust me when i say you are going to find out some things after you're married that you did not know before you got married and that doesn't mean they're all bad you'll find out a lot of good things too but do as much as you can to get to know as much as you possibly can about the person that you're going to marry before you get married so what are you expecting from your relationships this works also with friendship but we're going to talk mainly about marriage today what are you expecting are you expecting this other person to keep you happy all the time well you know it was a great day for me and i'm sure for dave when god spoke to my heart and instructed me that i was to stop giving dave the responsibility of keeping me happy he said your joy is your own responsibility it's not somebody else's responsibility and i do think in relationships that we really think this other person is supposed to keep us happy all the time they're supposed to make us feel good about ourselves all the time but to be honest if you don't already have a sense of confidence if you don't already feel good about yourself then there's no human being in your life that is ever going to be successful at making you feel good about yourself all the time and i can tell you it wears people out being married to somebody that is extremely insecure can just absolutely wear people out because if you don't feel good about yourself if you don't have a sense of god's love and and who you are in him and if you don't know how to be an individual then you're constantly looking for somebody else to make you feel good to make you feel successful to make you feel confident to make you feel secure and it's like you're expecting something that they're not going to give you because to be honest no matter who you marry now i know this is going to be shocking but i have to say this they are not going to be focused on you all the time isn't that surprising they they don't have you on their mind all the time they're not going to be focused on you all the time but when a person is really lacks confidence like for example if a woman is insecure and she makes a new meal if the man the kids whatever don't rave about how good it is she's going to automatically assume that it's not good and they didn't like it you know where a person who has confidence may taste it and say this is really great and they don't they don't necessarily have to have somebody else confirming to them all the time that everything they do is good that doesn't mean that we shouldn't complement each other but if you have to have that then it's kind of equivalent to a drug addict needing a fix it's like you constantly expect somebody else to fix you to keep you fixed all the time and it just wears them absolutely out so are you expecting the person that you're married to to always be there for you when you're hurting to always understand what you're going through let me tell you something there's only one person that can ever understand any of us and that's jesus and i am grateful that the bible says that we have a high priest who understands it goes on to talk about our weaknesses and our infirmities but he understands each of us and our own little brand of weirdness and trust me we all have a certain amount of that and so i guess one of the things that dave and i had a number of arguments over over the years was i wanted no matter what i told him i was going through i wanted him to sit and listen to every single solitary word and i wanted him to understand but he didn't and most of us know very few men understand women anyway i mean women don't even understand themselves and so you know but you can at least go to another woman and say my hormones are all off today and and they they get it it's like oh man i know how you feel well you tell a man that and he just thinks you you're what what what is that you know and so i i've told dave and over the years it's become a joke i said even if you don't understand please tell me that you do because it's going to make the rest of the day go good and so now it's like a joke no matter what i tell him he'll say i understand and i'm like no you don't but it sounds good anyway and so i mean don't you think that a lot of times that's we want to be understood we want to feel like that people really understand what we're going through but to be honest i mean i was even talking to somebody this morning i'm like you know i never ever ever would was bothered with seasonal allergies until about three years ago well when people told me they were suffering with allergies it just went right over my head you know but now i get it because i have it and so you really can't totally understand what anybody else is going through if it's not what you go through amen so the next thing i want to say is always enter relationships and every relationship with the idea of giving rather than getting and the thing is is our mindset the direction we set our mind in has so much to do with the way things turn out in our life i'll give you an example i said to dave i know a year two ago i said because i know how much you know he enjoys playing golf and you know dave is very healthy and so that that's all good but i said how do you think you would be if if you ever for some reason got the point where you couldn't play golf and i thought the answer he gave me really describes my husband very well he said well i've actually already thought about that and i've set my mind that even if that happens i can still be just as happy as i am right now and see we all need to have this mindset that my joy is not dependent on how you act because if it is now i'm codependent on your behavior and so we're we're easily controlled by whatever is going on around us because to be honest we have no control over how somebody else is going to act all the time i can't control how i mean i thankfully dave is very stable and so that's been an extreme blessing to me in my life because i grew up around people that weren't stable but if i was married to somebody that maybe had more ups and downs you know then i would have to make my mind up first of all it's not my fault because a lot of times if people around you aren't happy then you take the responsibility of fixing them and boy that's another whole nightmare all on its own and so i just had to learn that i can't give somebody else the responsibility for my joy and we need to always make sure that we know who we are enough that we're not going to be co-dependent on somebody else and take responsibility for what we need to do can anybody say amen or hold me here so always in a relationships with the thought of giving rather than taking and basically to tell you the truth every single day of your life every day i did it just this morning you know because we all have a tendency to be focused on us what can you do for me how can you make me happy how can i get you to do what i want you to do can we eat where i want to eat you know on and on and on and so i make that a habit i don't say that i do it every day but i spent time this morning and not just because i was coming in here to teach on marriage but i i purposely set my mind to be focused on what can i do for other people today because i've learned that if i'm focused on me i'm not happy and so the way we set our mind the direction we set our mind in is very important so when you get married if your mind is set and made up that this person's supposed to keep you happy all the time boy you've just already signed up for a disaster but if you set your mind i want to give you know i want to make this other person happy what can i do for them that will make them happy and if you do that then the very act of giving gives joy in your life where if we go at a relationship with what can i get what can i get then every time we don't get something we're unhappy and so you know dave is not a man that requires a lot he's a very stable man he's very happy but i don't care who you are you like it when people give you what you want and so it's important to learn the person that you're in relationship with and what what actually are are they motivated by what blesses them my husband loves peace if you keep it peaceful dave is happy he doesn't like arguing he doesn't like complicated discussions he doesn't care about getting real deep into every little feeling that somebody has and what's going on now i could sit and talk about that stuff all day but that's not him dave wants peace so i purpose to try to give him peace and i know that dave's love language is time so if he's trying to tell me something and talk to me about something even if it doesn't interest me i'm still learning and i'll say still learning because it's not my number one gift i'm still learning to really listen and pay attention where i love it when he does things for me like he does the dishes almost every night and i love that so you have to kind of stop trying to give people what you want and what you like and just be in the relationship for what i can get but actually the whole act of love which we are commanded as christians to do is to think about what can i give you not what can you give me and so then the selfish nature says well then what's going to happen to me well then god takes care of us so let me just say now after 50 years of marriage i can tell you and i i feel very strongly about this i don't think the way the world is today there's much hope of anybody getting married and staying married very long if you're not going to be committed to doing things the way that god would want you to do them and sadly a lot of christians aren't you know just because we go to church doesn't mean that we're saying yes to god on a regular basis and so anybody who will commit to doing their part to do what's right before god god will reward you and there's a much greater chance that he will make the changes in the other person that needs to be made if you just do what's right before him and stop trying to make that other person give you what you want so enter relationships with the thought of giving not getting make sure you have your mind set in the right direction you might as well just set your mind and say you know i'm not going to get my way every day and i can be happy anyway instead of thinking well if i don't get my way then i can't be happy dave and i are going out to eat today after we're done here and and where i wanted to go he didn't want to go and where he wanted to go i didn't want to go and i can remember when that would have ruined my day and just you know i mean that wouldn't have ruined my day i would have ruined my day because it's my decision whether i want to get unhappy or not and uh so you know we just picked a place that we could both put up with it's probably not my favorite but you know what i have learned there's nothing worth losing your peace over there's nothing worth losing your peace over and i guess if i would say anything if i could come up with just a couple of things that have really helped me personally over the 50 years dave and i have been married it's being committed to peace and not making a big issue out of little things that really don't make that much difference i mean it's one lunch it's one meal i mean if i don't get to go where i want to go it's not really worth being upset over and not only that most of the time dave will take me wherever i want to go but today where i wanted to go is just not a restaurant that he really cares for well you know then naturally i don't understand why don't you like it i mean the food is good he's like i don't like it and so then where he wanted to go he said what's a great restaurant how can you not like it i said i don't like it and so we just finally picked a place that we could both decide to do right next big mistake you can make is planning to try to change the person especially like if you notice some things before you get married and you're thinking oh i can change that i well i'll work on that well let me tell you something i tried every way that i could try to get dave not to like sports no reason other than selfishness i didn't care about him i didn't grow up getting to do any of that my father never liked any kind of sports we didn't have them on television we didn't go to i mean none of that was part of our life and so it's just not anything that i really i'm going to put my time into so i didn't want him to like it but i can tell you the truth the more you try to get somebody not to do something the more they're going to want to do it i mean that whole principle is found in the bible about the law that's why the law caused people to sin more not less and god did that on purpose to show people that they needed a savior so the more you try to make somebody not do something the more they're probably going to want to do it and actually today dave loves all kinds of sports that he didn't even like when he got married i mean he's added things that he doesn't even play like now he watches tennis all the time he doesn't play tennis you know he'll he'll watch a bowling tournament on tv and that you know that has nothing to do with anything but you know what now i'm just has nothing to do with anyway what i'd like him to be interested in but i you know dave is not uh he's not a real aggressive man his personality is not real aggressive he always said you're always ahead of god and i said yeah and you're 10 miles behind him and so here we have these two people that are married and i'm just real aggressive and he's not as aggressive and so i tried to get him to be more aggressive and i would i would say to him you know you need to be more of this and you need to be more of that you know how awful it is how it makes a person feel if you're constantly giving them messages that they're less than what you want them to be you you need to be this you need to do that especially if it's not something they even know how to do and i'll never forget the day he said to me he said you better thank god that i am the way i am because if i wasn't you sure wouldn't be doing what you're doing and so i just want to remind you today that there's a really good possibility no matter what you think that the person that you married is really perfect for you i didn't expect anybody to clap but that's all right uh you you can't pressure somebody to be something that they're not now you know what we focus on is what develops more and more in our life so if i focus on what i don't like about somebody then pretty soon that's all i see amen but if i focus on what i do like most of the time you'll find out no matter how bad you think your relation is most of the time you will find out if you focus on what you do like there's probably a lot more that you like than what you don't like i love the fact that dave is peaceful i love the fact that he's easy to get along with i love the fact that he just lets me be me if i went to dave and said uh what which i've done like what would you like to change about me you know if i if i could change something what would you like me to change so so you could be happier he said nothing i like you just the way you are and so if you had asked me that question 30 years ago i probably had a written list already i mean because i actually remember times when i sat down and made a list of everything that i thought dave needed to change for me to be happy well i know that there are things i mean dave couldn't possibly like everything about me i know that because i already know what my weaknesses are and some of the things that nobody would want to put up with if that was all they focused on and i know that there are things about dave that i probably don't care for but to be honest if you ask me that now i would have to think a really long time to come up with it you know why not because it's not there but i don't focus on it and so if you think about like a say a polaroid camera i could take a picture of anything in here today that i wanted to depending on where i focused the camera and then whatever i focused on would develop in my life and i'm telling you the truth i've been thinking about this a lot lately what you focus on you focus on your problems pretty soon you're going to think that you've got the worst life in the whole world because all you're going to see is your problems but if you focus on your blessings that gives god an opportunity then to work on the problems and so if you're in a relationship with somebody and they do a lot of things that you don't like pray for them pray about those things and make sure when you pray that you do it with an attitude of humility i never go and say god this needs to change and dave i'll pray more like this now god i would like this to change but maybe it's not even the problem i think it is it may just be my attitude and so first of all i want you to change anything in me that needs to be changed and if this is something that needs to change in dave then i'm asking you to change it and to help me focus on all the good things not on the things that are an issue and so if i would tell you two things that i think has probably helped me in my marriage with dave more than anything it's number one to focus on the good things and not focus on everything that i think is wrong to accept him the way he is and believe that god has given me the right man for me and i i know that now i didn't know that in the very beginning and then the other thing that that helps me oh this helps me so much is i am committed to peace i mean i'm really committed to peace now i'm not going to just let somebody walk all over me to have peace i'm not going to not confront things that i feel need to be confronted but i'd like to leave you with this thought this came to me this morning the next time that you think you want to talk to somebody about something that you think is wrong with them before you do it pray and ask god if it's something that he really wants you to talk to them about most of the time he's going to tell you to deal with your own self and leave them alone now there are times that we need to communicate with people about things that they're doing or not doing that you know maybe need to change just out of respect for proper kind of relationship but even then i don't think you ever should just go talk to somebody because you want to talk to him or that you should just i'm gonna we're gonna talk about this right now and i you know doesn't matter to me if you just got home from work and you're sweaty and tired and had a rough day and been in traffic for three hours we're gonna talk about this right now well you're not going to get a good answer so if you do need to talk about something the best thing to do is to pray about the right timing pray if it's something you really should talk about and if it is then do it with an attitude of humility and then god can get involved and do what needs to be done here's the bottom line what sense does it make to be in relationships with somebody that you have a sour attitude about that you have all these negative thoughts about that you're miserable with there's no point in spending day after day after day like that and there's ways that we can change it let me just say this i believe that because of our relationship with god we're powerful people we're not powerless people we are powerful people and a powerful person doesn't give somebody else the responsibility for making them feel secure and making them happy all the time you can receive the power of jesus into your life at any given time to do what he's asking you to do and not have to just do what you feel like doing so let's be committed to having good marriages don't ever have this attitude well if if this continues i'm out of here because you've already got your mind set in the wrong direction and you're waiting for this person to do one more thing that aggravates you so you can then have an excuse to leave what you need to say is i'm committed to this there's no way that i would leave unless god himself told me to leave i'm going to do what i believe god wants me to do because when our time here on earth is over i'm only going to answer to god and i'm only going to answer for me so if i do what's right then god will take care of the rest of it well today we're offering two teachings on marriage and they're on cd and dvd and what that means is you'll get a cd and a dvd of each teaching so you can listen going to work you can watch in your home you can buy them as a gift for your spouse i think you're going to enjoy these and we're offering it to you today for your gift to the ministry of any amount this is a great thing to give young people that are getting married what a great gift for somebody who's getting married instead of thinking well i just know what to give them well give them the word believe me they'll thank you for it in due time and it's a good way for you to get some good uplifting teaching and a way for you at the same time to be able to be a blessing to the ministry we want everybody to have it and so therefore we're not putting any specific price on it all i want you to do is do the very best that you can and just remember that we love you god loves you and he wants you to have a great life [Music] well you know marriage can be fulfilling and challenging at the same time throughout 50 years of marriage dave and i have experienced a lot so today i'm going to answer your questions about marriage from what god's word says and share from our experiences well ginger i guess you got a lot of good questions we have so many good questions these are coming from our viewers and these i think will be so helpful to anyone watching this to to apply to their own situation we're going to hit every topic and then we have an audience with us here today so we'll see if any of these questions relate to all of you and your lives too so all right here's a great one to start with this is from tracy in south dakota okay and she has a two-part question if you could tell wives just one thing about marriage what would it be and if you could tell husbands one thing about marriage that they should know what would it be well i think probably the first thing that comes to me is be committed to making the other person happy be committed to encouraging them and edifying them is that for wives or for husbands well i'm thinking it's for husbands actually to be honest if we would do a lot if we would be committed to doing a lot less complaining and fault finding how much difference would our relationships make yeah and so i think really that's a big key for either one there's nobody that doesn't want to be made to feel better about themselves i always i i like the statement that when you're with somebody they may not always remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel that's good yeah great place to start all right here here is a question that i think is very interesting because it has to do with longevity and you've been married 50 years now so that's quite an accomplishment linda asks when you've been married for a long time and in linda's situation she says over 25 years what can you do to stop taking each other for granted how can you restore those feelings that you had when you were first married i think it's something you have to do on purpose anybody who thinks that a marriage is just going to be good and stay good without putting any effort into it is foolish i mean you one of the things that i think that anybody can do is learn to listen to the other person and try to give them what they're telling you that they want yeah and you know a lot of times when you when you start to take somebody for granted you even stop little pleasantries like thank you please and everything just becomes a taking it for granted that they should do that for you and so i think really it's it's not really complicated it's just a matter of continuing to work at the relationship and really if we go back to what we call the golden rule and i think about this often it really is the key to pretty much every good relationship do unto others as you would have them do unto you yeah so that's great i'm curious how many of you in the audience have been married let's say 10 years or more so a lot yeah so is it is it okay to understand that some of those new relationship feelings are going to fade a little bit that that relationship is going to change absolutely [Laughter] you know to be honest i mean i don't get goosebumps when dave walks in the house now and uh maybe somebody still does but you know i mean there's a certain amount of everything that you're gonna you're gonna kind of begin to to take for granted just because you get used to it yeah and so that's why i still will purposely think about what is it that i really love about my husband you know i mean i like the fact that he takes good care of himself i mean dave's still pretty much you know other than having aged he still looks pretty much the same way as he did when we got married he still would wear the same size clothes he's he's clean and neat and tidy and he's easy going he's peace loving he lets me be me he loves me the way i am and if you if you think about the things that you like about somebody right it's really going to really outweigh the things that you don't like yeah all right this this is from um tennelle from texas she says you say that your husband is not responsible for your happiness and fulfillment but i have a hard time not depending on him for that so how do i free myself and him from certain expectations well i think that you you know if that's something that you really have an issue with and just knowing that you shouldn't do it is not working for you then you you just have to go to god and keep asking him to give you the grace to do that and even to think about how would you feel if somebody else was putting that responsibility on you all the time you know i never feel like that it's my job to have to keep dave happy yeah because first of all he is happy and so uh i think a good place to start is well if if you need somebody else to keep you happy all the time then what's lacking maybe in your own life you know everything gender comes down to do you have a good relationship with god and do you have a good relationship with yourself you know to be honest if you really have a good relationship with yourself and you you're not feeling guilty and condemned all the time because you're not this that or something else it brings a joy and a contentment into your life that keeps you from needing somebody else to to fix you all the time now i don't mean to say that we shouldn't expect some things from people you know anybody in a in a relationship i mean i expect certain things from you you expect certain things for me any relationship you're in you know you expect certain things from people but if it gets beyond what is normal then you're going to have real real issues yeah okay this this comes from angel she says my husband no longer wants to attend church because he feels that people are too judgmental i don't want to go alone and feel angry at him for not leading our family in a spiritual way what should i do well first of all he's probably right many people in church are way too judgmental but she can't make him change and so one of the things that has been so helpful to me and i just will press this point anytime i get an opportunity to do today is we are not really responsible for anybody other than ourselves i mean when it comes right down to it we stand before god on judgment day the bible says in romans 14 that every man will give an account of himself to god and it has really helped me especially this area of not trying to change people or make them do what i want them to do or what god they're wrong why aren't you changing them and blah blah blah if if if her husband says he's not going to go to church then she can pray and she should continue going and i would even tell him you know what you're right christians are too judgmental but two wrongs don't make a right and so maybe if he can't be happy where they're going they need to both agree to try somewhere else or or to keep trying different things because it is important for him to lead his family but if he doesn't that doesn't mean that she still can't have a good godly family right because if the responsibility is being given to her there's nothing she can do about it god will give her the grace and he will anoint her with an extra portion to do what he's not willing to do that is great because there are so many women who are feeling maybe anger because their husband isn't taking the spiritual lead right that that they want him to and so being able to leave that in god's hands for for god to deal with him instead of us trying to deal with him is real and and to be honest if her husband not going to church and taking the lead role is wrong she has to also realize that her anger is also wrong so which is more wrong what he's doing or my response to it yeah and so let me say again you know we are not responsible for what people do we are only responsible for how we respond and whether or not i'm going to stick with what the word tells me to do and so maybe she could look at it like well if he doesn't change that's going to really be sad for him in the long run so instead of being angry at him pray that god would change his mind and don't nag him about it yeah let me follow up on that a little bit i'm curious then what is a woman's role when a man is not taking that spiritually in the home that they should does the woman step up and and help make that happen for her family does she stay back to give the husband the opportunity to what's the answer well i think you obviously have to step up i mean you can't because you have to think about your children and what's gonna i give you a good example my husband dave uh lots of sisters and brothers his dad was an alcoholic and his mother was an extremely godly woman worked hard i mean his dad knew the bible but there was something wrong in inside of him some dave says sometimes something must have happened to him when he was a child because he just could never quit drinking and dave and every one of his brothers and sisters have just turned out great they love god they're responsible they they handle money well and it's it was because of the mom yeah i mean honestly i'm amazed at at the problems that they don't have because they were raised by an alcoholic father but she never talked bad about him she didn't she didn't have a spirit of unforgiveness and bitterness and so i think if if one half of the marriage is not doing what's right the other half have to really make sure that that their attitude is still godly because good always triumphs over evil so if you've got an evil half and a good half the good is always going to win out and you know i just think it's good to say right here too for single parents i know a lot of times they feel like that there's no way things can turn out right with their kids but let me tell you something we get what we believe and if you expect a double portion anointing to come on you from god to help you do what maybe you shouldn't even have to do god can do that yeah that's encouraging isn't it this is from kelsey in texas she asks what has been the hardest lesson for you in marriage that god has had to make you learn over and over until you finally pass the test that i can't change dave that i just that i can't change him nagging's not going to change him arguing's not going to change him you just now i'm not saying that he will never change his mind about something because i talk to him or that or that he will never you know maybe do something for me that wouldn't be natural for him because i asked him to because he definitely would but i'm just saying that you know i'm a big talker dave is more quiet i'm not going to make him talk a lot and if he did he'd probably talk about sports and i don't care about that so that's just one example you know it's like you can't you just cannot people cannot change people only god can change people and we are just so much better off if we take care of our issues and stop trying to change other people so you ask for one thing and that's it linda from chicago asks is it possible for our marriage to last if we don't share the same goals or have the same idea of the future well i guess that all depends on to what degree she's talking about you know i think that if attitudes are kept right that god can change hearts you know when i first felt that god was calling me into ministry uh to be honest dave just said well that's not what i want to do that's just not what i want to do and i really felt that god put in my heart and believe me i didn't know that much about hearing from god back then i really felt that god just put in my heart you do what i've put in your heart to do keep your attitude good and i'll take care of dave and it was literally only three weeks and dave came to me and he said you know god has really shown me that you do have an anointing on your life to do this and so i just want you to know that i'll back you up whatever you do wow let's remember that god can change a person's heart the way he can change the water courses and instead of thinking about these things that we cannot agree on and so and opening up the door in your mind that's going to be the end of the marriage try to try to locate some things you do agree on and maybe make those the focal point and then each of you do you know what you know what you need to do i mean if you one person may have one dream and one person may have another and you know this weekend i need to spend most of the weekend writing on a writing project i'm trying to finish and i told dave this morning i said i'm going to be pretty busy writing for the next three days and he said okay and so what he'll do is just now go find something that he wants to do i think a lot of this still comes back to not giving somebody else responsibility for your joy and knowing who you are in christ that you don't have to have it a certain way in order to have a good day or to be happy yeah yeah very important all right next question my husband and i have been married eight years lately it's been really difficult we both have a lot of faults and it's seeming the easy way is to separate so what should we do about the situation well you know it's kind of hard to give an answer to something like that when i don't even really know what the whole problem is i mean i don't i wouldn't recommend separating but to be honest in some instances it's good to get away from each other for a little bit just to kind of get your focus back and get some proper counseling maybe and you know i certainly wouldn't say we need to just throw the marriage in the trash can because we're having a difficult time getting along you know dave and i went through some difficult times and and i remember one time in specific i mean i can still see exactly where we're at in the house when you know he just said to me you know if you continue to behave the way you do because i was pretty hard to get along with he said i i can't guarantee what i'm going to need to do in the future well that kind of scared me and uh so i tried really hard for a year to be good and i see you know by good i mean not talking back not you know trying to make him feel good about himself and stuff and and after a year i said so i just want to know how do you feel about me now and he said better you know but we still had a ways to go yeah so i you know i just think that every relationship it's easy to give up it's easy to say we cannot make this work but if i mean it's the woman i guess that's asking the question so if she will go to god and say what do you want me to do to help make this situation better we have to stop and i know i keep going over the same stuff again but it's such a key good reminder you know we have to stop refusing to do what we know is right because somebody else is not doing what's right and i believe that first of all whoever does what's right first is the stronger more mature believer and secondly you know sometimes you have to treat a person right for a long time before you start to reap in that field that you've been sowing in but when you get right down to it the life that we live here is very short compared to eternity and so we need to think more about eternity and that you know i want to make a decision about this marriage based on what i'm going to be comfortable standing before god and giving an answer for so if i do what's right and that never satisfies the other person and they decide they want to do something else there's nothing i can do about that but i'm going to do what's right by the grace and the mercy of god and let god do what only he can do yeah good sheila from oklahoma says my hubby and i have been married 25 years i know he loves me and i love him i struggle with one thing i am not his priority and neither is god he loves us both and he is a believer but work always takes a priority what advice do you have well that's a tough one because a lot of people that that is the case i mean they get so wrapped up in their job and and i think about the only thing you can do in that situation is pray and if the door is open at the right time you know there's nothing wrong with sitting down trying to communicate and just saying you know i know that you love me but to be honest i don't feel that i'm your priority and uh i want god to be number one and i want to be before your job but if he can't see it if he's not going to do it there's nobody that can make him do it and the best thing to do is just go to god and get your confidence and your security from him and sounds to me like she's committed to the relationship she said my hubby and i've been married 25 years the very fact that she called him hubby tells me that she's pretty committed and loves him and so if somebody else is not making you happy then make yourself happy decide that you're going to be happy and trust god in the meantime trust in god is one part of having a prayer answered praying about it trusting god but the other part is what i'm doing in the meantime you know i love psalm 37 3 which says trust in the lord and do good yeah and see i think so many people trust god they say they trust god then they're not doing what's right if we depend on god to meet our needs instead of people then he can always give us what we need but it's very important while we're trusting god that we keep doing what's right and actually to be honest i just feel so strongly about this i mean i i can't even tell you how strong i feel about it it's like we talked about dave's mom and you know how all those kids turned out so good well she trusted god but she kept doing what was right and so even though her husband did change and give her what she wanted she has an extremely fruitful life and so much to be proud of in her children and so you trust god do what's right and everything's going to come around full circle and you're going to have a good life yeah here's a great question to end on a really good way to wrap everything up linda says you and dave have been married for a long time and have a strong and thriving marriage can you give us your reasons why you think your marriage has been so successful well i think it's successful because we stopped trying to change each other and i think it's successful because we're both committed to doing what we believe god would want us to do you know god is first in mind and dave's life not each other god is first and we depend on the word of god we both and as soon as dave and i get up in the morning first thing we do is go to our places and spend time with god and you can't we don't look at somebody else's marriage and think well i wish this and that and this and that and something else you know i mean i know couples that can sit for hours and just talk night after night or night well that's not going to happen with me and dave i mean don't misunderstand me we talk and we you know but he's just not i mean dave can get finished talking about something in a couple of minutes where i might want to talk about it all day and uh you just you have to stop wanting what you don't have and be thrilled about what god has given you and make that the best and so i remember years ago when dave and i actually shook hands and i looked at him and said i accept you the way you are and he looked at me and said and i accept you the way you are and that was the beginning of us having longevity in our relationship yeah and the two of you are very very different people i mean your personalities are so different they're hilarious i mean they are like lucy and desi when you hang out with them yeah right you're very very funny but it really is great to see the way that that god has taken what you need in your life and given you dave right and taking what he needed and given him you because it's it's something that we can never put together on our own god sees so much more than we do and to be honest a lot of the things that we used to fight about argue about now we just both think are funny i mean dave thinks that i am hilarious and i mean like if i get snippy with him he'll just sit and laugh and say well there's that old fire that's a reason why i married you does that work how's that make you feel when you're well you know we both just end up laughing he's like you know i mean obviously if i would go too far or something he would say okay knock it off but we probably laugh more together now than we ever have in our whole marriage and i'm telling you the truth when we get to heaven we are going to be laughing about a lot of the things that we thought about that were so non-essential and so ridiculous and so well do all you can to enjoy every day that you have and to really enjoy the people that god has put in your life and stop just being a fault finder that can never be happy no matter what somebody gives you yeah well it's very encouraging thank you for sharing your your years of experience and and what god's word says about our marriages well today as always we have a an offer for you of the word of god that is the best thing that i know to give you i will always put a heavy focus on the word of god and that's the reason why dave and i are still married after 50 years is the word of god and so we're offering you two teachings today on marriage and this interview that we had today will be one of them and they're both on cd and dvd so that means both of them you can listen to and are you can watch this a great gift to give to somebody if you know that they have needs in their life and we're offering this to you today for your gift to the ministry of any amount we're not saying send in this much or that much we want to make it available to everybody that would like to have it and so this is a way for you to get a real blessing yourself and at the same time be a blessing to the ministry so thank you for being with us make today a great one [Applause] today we're offering a complete version of joyce's powerful teaching about marriage joyce and dave have been married for 50 years and this special teaching on marriage is full of biblical precepts and practical insights from a lifetime of serving the lord together whether you're single engaged newlywed or married for many years this message has something for everyone this cd and dvd set can be yours today for a gift of any amount and it's also available as a digital download contact us now 1-800-727-9673 or visit us at joycemeyer.org [Music] you know god's plan is not always our plan and his ways are not our ways and his timing is not our timing and i just want to i just felt like i really needed to encourage you that god is your answer and his word is your answer it's not just about asking god to help you it's about learning his word because if you don't know the word of god then you don't know the ways of god and jesus said i am the way the truth and the life no man comes to the father but by me and honestly i have found out over 35 years of diligently studying the word of god that the bible actually has an answer for every single problem that we have [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] do [Music] so [Music] so [Music] you

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Length: 57min 1sec (3421 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 12 2020