ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! | Warhammer 40k Lore

[Music] welcome everybody to another episode of the adeptus ridiculous i am one of your hosts dk diamantes and before this episode gets too far we have to give a huge shout out to our patrons over at patreon.com adeptus ridiculous because our goal our lead goal of 1 37 a month was crushed i don't think it took a week i don't think we had that gold for a week and it's been annihilated so a lamenters episode is coming just not today because you know two or three days notice to completely throw out all of your ork research and start new research a little little close hey bricky little a little a little too tough to just uh do that on the fly i mean i'm pretty damn impressed for those of you who don't know we record every single monday and the episode comes out every single wednesday at least that's our current schedule and with that considering the fact that we recorded monday talking about the lamenters thing but it actually came out wednesday and now it's monday again and therefore within the time frame of wednesday to monday you were able to hit actually earlier than that more like wednesday to sunday you were able to hit one three three seven is kind of ridiculous and yeah i i don't have time for that [ __ ] i got a whole i got a whole orc script and you're like nah talk about the depressed boys actually throw it away so that'll come that'll come at some point but that won't come this week that'll come next week and i gotta do myself some good research on them because everyone everyone's all up with the lamenters nowadays like they were with kriegs so i gotta i gotta prepare myself i i gotta tell you there's a lot of hype going into this i hope it lives up to it because i mean everybody's like oh my god the lamenter is like oh we got it we got to donate for the lamenters episode so you're you're putting this up on a pedestal i i know nothing about the lamenters they sound like they lament quite a few things but so i i hope it lives up to the hype because i don't know if i'm gonna be honest i'm gonna be honest i don't think it will live up to the hype for you i think you're just gonna be like wow that was sad and wow that really sucks and that's that's what i feel like it's gonna be you're gonna be like wow that's horrible like yeah yeah it's about right hammer that's where it's horrible people are dead people are suffering and they hate it i mean if if gosh van dyer's reign of blood hasn't made you decently desensitized then at least the lamenters will not gauge van dyke doge van dyer my boy doge van dyer the new channel mascot i i assure you he's making him the unofficial mascot i want to make him the mascot i assure you you must dance barefoot in the in the palace of terror get your fan art into the twitter at ridiculous of doge van dyer our new official mascot is it gonna be the official mascot i don't know i don't know it's kind of like he's like worse than hitler i'm not quite sure so with with the idea of getting a hitler variant of of a doge mascot out of the way would you want to do you want to uh tell the wonderful viewers what our topic is today uh our topic is is orcs it's favorite it's shy's favorite faction she got to choose and of course she chose orcs uh so we got we got the boys [Music] with a lot of z i hear they're very fun guys i've been making i've been i've been trying to push that joke for like the last four weeks every time the orcs come up but yeah they i hear they're they're they're fun guys what what joke is that the z no they're fungi they're fun guys oh that's stupid go to jail [Laughter] i love it only just now is it clicking i've used that for like the last three weeks man no you haven't i i swear to god shy how many times when the orcs have been brought up where i like obviously real fun guys it obviously wasn't good enough for me to have have maintained the memory well granted it's it's a [ __ ] joke so i mean even if you got it you're probably like purge and yeah i don't blame you for that i find it ironic that it's shy's favorite faction you know i would think she'd have something a little bit more brooding and and like you know angry but no she chose the she chose the the comedic humor of 40k she chose the i don't i don't say the joke faction but i'd say you know the comic relief yeah that's that's pretty cool because funny enough as i was doing this this research on the orcs because i'm obviously i play a lot of imperial armies that's like my my thing i like the imperium um so i'm not as familiar with a lot of but with the exception of necrons i love the necrons but i'm not very familiar with a lot of the xenos the the tau the craft worlds dracari orcs etc and i was a little bit worried about doing the orc research because i wasn't sure like okay there's a lot of things that i'm missing and there actually really isn't much i mean i you know if you know the idea of the orcs you know the orcs pretty well it's just a lot of like little extra things that you can learn knowledge-wise but overall if you think you have a handle on the orcs you kind of do but there's just a little bit more like intricacies that we get to talk about which is a lot of fun and we can really discuss like a little bit more about their culture about their like physical like physical physiology we gotta talk about squigs i love i love squiggs i cannot believe that shy when she sent me like a bullet point list to help me out she didn't include squiggs because i love squiggs but i'm actually really excited to talk about twigs we'll do that too okay so we'll we'll get into why squiggs are so awesome absolutely so uh should i should i begin sure i mean i was gonna say i i have a fairly okay understanding of orcs just being around shy so much and you know whenever uh some sort of discussion on warhammer breaks out on one of her streams someone's always like oh hey dk you know about the orcs and how their fungus creations that are like impossible to fully get rid of so i i feel like i have a little understanding going into this episode but i'm i'm looking forward to it excellent so let's start off with orc history because that's the easiest one to discuss now um and shai's asked if i could list all 48 squiggs i will list all 48 squares i actually have it open right now wow i was prepared i was prepared um so obviously i think you can remember from our second episode we talked about the necrons in the war in heaven so the orcs were one of the many many races that the old ones brought up um you know just like the eldar they were kind of they kind of you know they weren't like maybe korea but they were kind of pushed along their way they were helped out a lot and they were raised up by the old ones uh as corks now corks crorks like orc with a kr corks um quarks are imagine orcs but like like 12 meters tall like like oh double not 12 like maybe 12 feet like double the height of an average orc and and also like really like way more intelligent and stronger the idea long story short is that they were raised up by the old ones and the orcs refer to the old ones as the brain boys um because of course they do of course they do sure why not and so as they as they were brought up by the by the brain boys they were brought up to fight the necrons and the katam they failed the necrons or you know stopped from them from being like yeah you know genocide the necrons went to bed and then the orcs were just kind of around along with the eldar now how did we get from quarks which are gigantic horrifying really smart and powerful creatures to orcs yeah i was gonna say it sounds like they're doing pretty well now but i i know current 40k orcs and they're not smart at all uh this sounds like a totally different breed a weird thing i've been noticing as i've been looking up all this research is that it seems that almost every faction in 40k was significantly more overpowered in their heyday and have since fallen from grace the imperium with their uh the whole what was that called the i forget now the men of iron all of the major like ai and stuff and then now they're all degrading eldar priest and then orcs corks old necrons were way scarier than current necrons and current necrons are like the most powerful faction uh like like model for model not model tomorrow but like every necron warrior is just ridiculous um but regardless the i don't think there's actually a legitimate discussion on why quirks are no longer quirks but the idea is generally infighting you know the orcs are left to their own devices after the necrons went for 60 million years and they just beat the [ __ ] out of each other stupid now they're just now they're smaller and dumber and that's kind of that's kind of my theory so they were left to their own devices they didn't know what to do they just started beating each other up so for such a long period of time that they stunted their own evolution and started going backwards i mean that's my prevailing theory i don't really think of any other better ideas but there really is no information on the quirks or the way back stuff besides maybe occasional eldar snippets because they're the only ones who were around back then and honestly it makes sense that they just got their asses beat by each other and they just kind of degrade it and other orcs that's all that's what i got man it makes sense that's that's you know that's makes about as much sense as anything else in warhammer really i mean it's not even that's not even the craziest thing that could happen in this universe right like not even like sure i'll go for that yeah so orcs are all have a slight psychic power instinctive to them uh they're not like psychers with the exception of weird boys but they're kind of a different brand of orc orcs have a psychic instinct instinctive power to them but they are not psychers i think the old ones were like no no no no no you can't you can't do that um so actually an interesting part of this the old ones implanted certain orcs called odd boys with like a special kind of genetic i don't know makeup or like mental thing basically an odd boy there are very different very different kinds of orcs and they all have their own thing like a mech boy is something that can just has like an innate understanding of mechanics or a pain boy it's just an innate understanding of doctor of like being a doctor a weird boy is the psycher speed freaks are like pilots and drivers it's it's like you were just genetically coded as a child to be good yeah i love that the doctors are called pain boys and it's we'll talk about pain boys a little bit later because they're really funny but um the old ones basically you know they made the orcs they grew they grew them up they got odd boys with their own little abilities and then they beat the [ __ ] out of each other and degraded uh the however they do have that instinctive psychic power which is probably what you know as the power of imagination actually let's talk about the power of imagination a little bit later i want to talk about the uh the actual physical like physiology of the orc and how they like how they act and knowledge how they act sorry about how like their body makeup is and and their physical attributes first because i want to talk more about the the the power of imagination when we get into like the great wall because i think it's a little bit more important yeah so so orcs obviously they uh they stand at around the same height as a human but they they're very hunched like you know in overwatch like junkrat is actually like 6'5 but he's all like hunched over and he's like a weirdo little australian explosion man wait junkrat is 6'5 he's super [ __ ] tall but he's all like hunched he's got his head down he's all like looks like a hunchback yeah i i guess so i wow i thought he was a short boy no he's actually quite tall um but he never he never stands up so like a regular orc is about like human size around six foot six foot two uh like an average human male in in 40k terms yeah um but when he if he were to like stand up straight he'd be much taller right but they're all hunched over and [ __ ] like that so they are a lot smaller yeah they have they got green skin and they got red blood um the reason they have green skin is because yes you are correct on the fungi meme they are kind of a half fungus so when the old ones kind of built them up uh their body type is half of like a terrestrial you know mammal so to speak yeah not really a mammal but you know it looks like a normal freaking person you know they're bipolar humanoid yeah yeah perfect humanoid and they're also crossed with fungus and the reason that they're across the fungus i don't really know why exactly but because of this it has sprouted multiple other kinds of orc subspecies and these subspecies are things like squigs and squiggets and also things called snotlings and gretchen now you may have seen gretchen gretchen are like little goblin orcs they look like goblins they're much smaller they got big old noses and the big ol ears they look like a wow goblin they literally like a wild goblin okay yeah yeah um and then they have snotlings which are like half sized gretchen and so gretchen like the smaller little uh guys are normally used for like cooking and like delivering messages and stuff to the actual big orcs um now with the the green skin or red blood they have very dull like pain receptors and often will recover from pretty much fatal damage with just like it's funny because the dentist mechanicus have seen orcs take like a [ __ ] load of bolter rounds to their body and they'll come back a day later bigger and with just a bunch of scars all over their body they're just all scarred up and they're just very angry apparently orcs have been constantly seen to be decapitated and then a pain boy will go take their head and sew it back on and then the orc is normal again orcs have had like all their limbs cut off and then a paintball will come up and sew them back on and then they're back in the fight it's really stupid so how how does that work cause like i i get the pain receptors and oh we can recover real quickly from like gunshots but if you get [ __ ] decapitated isn't that kind of game set match like there's no i mean you could sew it back on but like there's a lot of other [ __ ] going on with your head getting sleeved up 40k doesn't care to tell you that because why should it um but it's the one yeah right well a power of imagination but a slight assumption fungus is living in all cells maybe it's still living and then you put the head back on and then it keeps on living maybe it has something to do with the fungus thing that that's a theory okay i have no evidence to back that up but it makes a little bit of sense so we're just gonna say the fungus of course you can reattach their head why not yeah you know just keeps on growing you're already spending disbelief in that they're you know fungus creatures that were raised up by alien gods so what's putting a head back on gonna really do it uh yeah who cares i mean pain boys are operate very much on like medical medical methodology methodology from like the medieval times from like 800 900 so it's very much like oh no your leg's broken and they just kind of like saw it off um with like a dulled [ __ ] hacksaw because that's you know old medical um but it because orcs have such like low pain receptors they kind of just don't care i mean it'll hurt but it won't like it won't be super painful like a human right right so they just kind of they just kind of do it and they're like oh i'm back up i'm good and the thing is when the odor actually does die they're fungi so they kind of like blow up and they don't blow up but they like eventually kind of decompose into a big cloud of spores and fungus on the ground which will eventually you know grow back up into more orcs so often it makes orcs just ludicrously hard to get rid of because if you destroy an orc invasion on a starship unless you burn the starship out you might have orchid invasion again often you'll have like a planet that stops an orc invasion but then they'll be attacked by orcs in like a hundred years coming like that made a little tribe in the forest right because there were just still orcs there yep so they just grew up there's a hilarious a hilarious image of 4chan image of like a guardsman planet and it has like 945 quintillion guardsmen on it and the joke is that the planet is just made of guardsmen and they're constantly marching in a circle around the sun and the best part is that it's right on the planet's description it says orc presence low there are still some orcs it could eventually be high if you just leave it i mean yeah it's just like there's this there are more guardsmen than there have ever been people that have existed on earth and there are still a few orcs yeah yeah um besides that orcs never stopped growing uh which is why often when we talk about culture they respect the biggest orc because it's kind of like a seniority oh because they're like the oldest orc because they've been around long enough to get that big and they fight a lot which makes them really big buff and strong well fair fair yeah big orc boys um but then i want to talk about squiggs real quick because squiggs are the greatest so squiggs shy i know to our viewers uh that are listening you can't see this but a squig i want to try to post a picture of a squig real quick uh but for those of you who can't see him a squig is like an orange ball with two feet and a 10 like a little like like lizard tail kind of like a little lizard but with a gigantic [ __ ] spiked mouth oh that's a squig yeah yeah they got like those bunch of eyes they got a big ass mouth it looks like kirby but like a lizard version of kirby with a giant spiked mouth and feet and like a little tail that looks like a satanic version of kirby in all fairness like yes you ran into a demonic kirby in hell that has been corrupted and driven insane definitely squig pretty much and the greatest part about squiggs is that squigs are completely malleable and they do anything and everything so a squig a squig is about the size of a house cat or like medium sized dog however squigs can increase and decrease in size depending on on what it is that i literally have this in my notes food bombs whatever the [ __ ] okay here okay here we go you are you ready are you ready i i i yeah let's go we have attack squiggs bag squigs bile squigs bitey squiggs bomb squiggs boom squiggs bowel torrent squigs burner squiggs buzzer squigs buzzing squiggs chewing squiggs colossal squig eating squid garg squig face eater squig flesh heater squig gas squig gob squig hair squig harry squig herd squig horn squig juicy squig mimic oily squig orchasaurus paint squig parasite hunting squig screech squig spiky squig exploding squig squish squishy and like like squish squishy whatever hawk squig hounds squig pipe used as a musical squig squig shark squid gift stick squig swag squigs syringe squig vaccine squig vampire squig and weird squig squiggs are our cattle for food squiggs are meant to be eaten there is a thing in the game called a bomb squig where you attach a [ __ ] load of bombs to it and it runs that's enemy going and it just [ __ ] explodes you've got targeting squiggs which is just a squig with a [ __ ] laser eye like shoved into its eyeball like like a little like a little lens just shoved into its eye and it's used to give the orcs like better ballistic skill okay you've got uh squig pipes are basically squigs that have been turned into [ __ ] bagpipes and they're used for like play you've got you've got attack squiggs which like attack dogs and they run at them they start biting people that's they got bitey squiggs which are which uh it's it is they're they're fired out of cannons they are used as food they're used as messengers they're like burna squiggs a burner squig can burst into flames after being thrown bowel torrent squigs this name speaks for itself these schools are known to be amongst the most revolting and panic-producing organisms in the galaxy oh no vowel torrents squiggs yeah as you were talking about him i was like you know if he doesn't go over it i i would be remiss if i did not ask what a bowel torrent squig did oh let's not forget about the face eater squig you have face eaters the face of your squig is a tooth variant of the squig used both as a weapon and in the infamous orc face eating contests these squigs of a vicious mass of sharp teeth and claws and in their active state they appear to just be a gnashing mouth with little else the orc ridiculous the orc and the squig both open their mouth and bite in a parody of a kiss if the orc eats the squig he wins if he keels over backwards he loses and usually the squig eats him face eater squiggs that squig is literally just there for this [ __ ] face eating contest the face heater squig [Laughter] like you'd think that that would be a great thing to use in a battle like oh yeah we've got this squig that will eat enemy faces like no that's that's that we're using that on ourselves that's for us that's for that's for happy time that's for relaxation period squig face eating contest one of my favorite squigs is literally there's actually a weapon or no it's a a unit called the the squig buggy where they throw bomb squigs from the buggy as they like drift around the battlefield and they just explode that's actually a real model you can get it's great well i don't think it's actually great right now but it's really fun that sounds like it would be the literal funniest uh model ever i mean they're pretty good they're not quite as good as the shock jump dragster or the boom daca snazz wagon but we'll talk about those guys [Laughter] jesus so moving on from the the physiology of orgs let's talk about about the orcs culture um so there's actually a great quote from the orcs about their their culture uh oh there it is is an eldar philosopher it says quote the orcs are the pinnacle of creation for them the great struggle is one they have evolved a society which knows no stress or angst who are we to judge them we eldari who have failed or the humans on the road to ruin in their turn and why because we saw answers to questions that an orc wouldn't even bother to ask we see a culture that is strong and despise it as crude or culture orcs don't get depressed they they don't they don't get like sad or at least not often they they don't care about where they came from or or who made them they don't have philosophy or or the idea of their purpose it's might makes right you go out you always listen to the biggest orc listen to the big orc big orc he know he knows what's up you listen to that big war or you you fight so long as you got as you got some some crumping which is what they call like beating on people oh they call it like to get crumped as long as you got some crumping you know you live a warlike life you're constantly fighting and you got something to kill and you got some some ways to have a good time that way orc is happy they think that they are the greatest race ever like they legitimately believe that they are like the best they're like we orc we best race every other race dumb stupid they're they're never depressed uh their currency is is teeth that's right their currency is is there is is orc teeth in general oh i was under the understanding it had to be orc teeth it's just i mean period i mean shy can you i don't know if you can correct me on this one i thought it was just teeth injury like in general so they kill a bunch of humans they can get a bunch of teeth that makes more sense actually maybe they use humility that's like cents instead of like dollars is like a hundred dollar bill okay okay she says it's primarily orc teeth all right so or teeth it is she said oh by the way she didn't oh yeah oh sorry because they because they say teeth because they've got the weirdo oh no i can't do a [ __ ] new york accent and i don't want to try at some point this episode you have to it's a never ending fighting and violence always listen to the biggest orc uh always warlike at all times they don't think too hard they breed in insane numbers obviously they don't [ __ ] because they're fungus but yeah you know uh the big the way it works is the biggest orc pushes around the smaller orcs which in turn push around the gretchen uh at the same time so a big orc will will start bonking on the other orcs who will in turn bonk on the gretchen because they can and the gretchen are constantly bullied um in fact this this hilariousness where like i think it's the killer can we the killer can is an orc vehicle armed by gretchen and often once the gretchen is promoted to being a killer can pilot they'll go and find the gretchen that bullied him the most and immediately step on him and kill him makes sense i mean if you if you're bigger and you've got the means to that seems to be the orc thing to do wow kill cans are crazy so i just used a picture of him wow those are those are like like big ol rust buckets with saws and missile launchers and and spikes everywhere they're great that is a killer cam yep that's the joke that's the joke i i know it's just record it's just registering with me now we do gotta talk about the orc religion real quickly i want to talk i want to talk about them real quick uh the orcs believe in two gods gork and mork um have you actually never heard of gorkhan work yet oh you said it all i could think it was like mork and mindy not quite that not quite like that not not quite not gork and mork gork and mork are okay so so the orcs have two gu right gork and morg now now gork is brutal but cunning now mork is cunning but brutal i'm i'm i'm speaking verbatim here so they believe that gork and mork are the most powerful orcs in existence and they're constantly fighting each other they're constantly beating on each other all the time because they say gork is you know he's he's brutal and cunning he'll just smack an adversary in the head really hard uh really hard with a big old club quote unquote the size of a comet but mork you know he he's cunning but brutal he'll he's sneaky he'll wait till the foe turns around and then he'll clobber him it's gork and mork and they're constantly fighting each other and the orcs and i do believe that these gods actually do exist um i don't know if it's actually exist this isn't like i i'm not sure i think they do i think they're in the warp in their own realm unlike the realm of chaos and and their gork and their mork and they're constantly fighting against demons because the demons are are being annoying and they gotta and they gotta crump them because of gork because they're gork and mork i i think that they truly are actual gods i don't and they're just hanging out in the war just beating up demons because we're orcs we're gorg we're morg that's what we do i i think yeah gork and mark exists and they're there and like zinc and [ __ ] probably just chill in there and then gork runs up and like bonks him in the head and then he like probably leaves i don't know i don't [ __ ] know what happens i mean that seems like the the most apropos uh gods that the orcs could have so can work allegedly the emperor himself fought gork and mork in the warp at some point i literally would love to see that serious ms you know he's very serious very stoic very and then [ __ ] gork and mort just bonk him on the head go to horny go to horny jail emperor you had 20 sons like in my head i just imagine you know those carnival games where the moles head pops up and bonk i'm just imagining the emperor's head popping up and gork and more just have like the big mallet and pop [Laughter] a lot of orcs like the emperor though they um they they think he's the the biggest and the strongest of all the humies so that's fair yeah yeah so they they actually i mean who respect but they appreciate it there's actually an ongoing theory that the emperor is only still alive right now because the orcs believe him to be and he would have died he would have died on the golden throne a while ago if the orcs didn't believe that he was alive it's more of a joke it's probably not actually true but it's it's a good joke i like it i mean if enough orcs believe that that's where the theory comes from yeah enough every single orc believes it so great time to get into that so the orcs all consist of the old ones you know by the the brain boys they all have a little bit of psychic power and because of that on its own each individual orc doesn't really happens but when the orcs get together and they all believe in something they tend to have pretty ridiculous results that's why the power of imagination because they're not smart enough to actually use this power for anything but because they're dumb enough to believe it [Laughter] it always works the irony is that the orcs would be significantly less powerful if they were smarter that's that makes a crazy amount of sense yeah i guess i guess i i know it's so [ __ ] weird but it's like the weirdest way to describe him and it's kind of blowing my mind a little bit but yeah i get it because the idea is like they will take a bunch of sheet metal and a muffler and like and they'll pour gas randomly on the vehicle and then the [ __ ] vehicle starts driving and it works and then like there's funny stories where like the orcs will be driving the vehicle and then it'll run out of gas and then what oracle be like did you follow up with gas and the other orc will be like of course i filled it up with gas and then the vehicle will start working again because the big orc said he filled it up so everyone believes oh it's got gas of course and it just hurt yeah pretty much like they believe that red is the fastest color so they'll paint their [ __ ] red and they will go quicker they will go really fast in fact i i know that the the stealth guys are purple because have you ever seen a purple [Laughter] purple is the sneakiest color um i've i think i think yellow is the luckiest uh yeah black is tough the black color is tough they say gold is the best color because gold um i think i think yellow explodes harder it's every everything is just it just uh or is i think green is the best color i think green is the best color and then like gold is like the the uh the like the highest like wealth color or something yeah blue is lucky yellow is wealthy it everything has its own deal with the orcs but i want i want to tell you two great stories about orcs real quick here i i think these are both fictional but i mean so is 40k so who cares yeah so a bunch of imperial guardsmen right they're they're defending a spot and the orcs just keep on coming they just keep on coming they don't stop and and eventually the guardsmen run out of ammunition with their last guns and then the company commander has an idea he points his last gun at an enemy and he goes bang and then and then an orc falls over dead and then the guards would look at him and they're like and then all the orcs just start falling over them until they believe they've still got ammo until they until a group of six orcs run over the hill and they just won't fall over from all the banging and then they hear chanting in the distance and then as they get closer they hear i'm a tank i'm a tank i'm a tank i'm a tank i'm a tank i'm a tank [Laughter] no [ __ ] way i think it's [ __ ] but i love the story it's a great story no we that's that's that has to be real because that's [ __ ] great it's just like stupid countered by more stupid countered by like ultra stupid there's one more i got so the orcs there's a group of orcs called the free buddhas and the free buddhas are all they're pirate orcs they're they're pirate orcs they all have pirate hats and peg legs and they they roll around in starships they're they're awesome why are they called the free buddhas oh well because like free booter or like like fria so you know they're pirates so they're free buddhas i was like do they believe in like buddha it's just like no no no no not buddha [ __ ] like free boo oh my god i know it's the orcs it makes no sense it's great continue they're your gorks they're talking like a pirate accent um all right but they were they were all the orcs were there and they were fixing a ship they had the ship had a whole bunch of whole breeches and so they were fixing up the ship and fixing all their their holes and then another orc ship goes next to them and decides to help them out with their stuff so the orcs jump from their ship to the other side and the orcs that jump over there is have a bunch of helmets and space suits on you know and then they're looking at the orcs repairing the ship and the orcs don't have space suits on and they're like like oi lads why the [ __ ] don't you have like space suits on don't you know you can't survive in space and then all the orcs that were working on it immediately died a testament to the orcs stupidity and their power yeah all the orcs that were in the vacuum of space immediately decompressed and died oh shy said that free booter is literally just a word that refers to pirate see free buddhism i didn't know that i heard you say free buddha and i was like wait huh how does buddha get into 40k you know we can't have buddha you know because it's not the emperor it's that's that's true um on the topic of uh of of crazy why imagination stuff backfiring on them uh the story people kept telling me i forget which uh commissare it is but like the orcs i believe yes commissary every time i hear his name i remember it i can never remember it on my own and they like believe that he's like immortal unkillable strong as [ __ ] and so he is and they can never beat him even if they do have him outnumbered because they just believe that he's [ __ ] amazing and immortal the uh commissary yarick is like the main guy he's when we talk about imperial guard we'll talk about connoisseur he's a [ __ ] badass he he was given the opportunity to retire uh in in in the guard which is like unheard of they gave him like a world and everything and he was like nah dog wow because there's this or character called gaskell uh which oh yeah yeah so guys yeah gas gold model is great but his his full name is gazil magurak thralka and he is the he is the biggest orc he's the big orc he's the huge warlord and he's considerate of the prophet of gork and mork normally the orcs follow gork or mork but he's the prophet of gork and mork um he evidently he has a head honcho he's the he's big boy orc he's big gork and he even has his his quote i'm warlord godskill mach iraq raka and i speak with the word of the gods i'm the prophet of the wa and whole world's bird in my boot prince he is huge um i could have a whole episode on gaz because he has done insane [ __ ] like gaz has led so many so an orc wall so was is something that they yell of course right of course but an orc wah is basically just a gigantic apocalyptic war uh fighting of orcs so basically maybe one orc maybe has like a vision that gork or mork tells them something and then that orc gets all excited for it for murder and then all the orcs around him get all excited for murder and then more orcs like all like oh my god is it wah time is a why they all start going crazy they start building giant [ __ ] mechs and like vehicles and things called like uh gorkanats and morkanats which are these gigantic like seven story tall [ __ ] walkers like stompers and and burn obamas and daca jets and boom daka snazz wagons etc etc and it and they all the orcs basically just for the no reason but to want to they mobilize and they then lead like a gigantic crusade of death through like multiple star systems and or might be one of the most devastating things in 40k it's just a torrent of [ __ ] orcs it is a flood of orcs there's a great guardsman where he's like where he's like i fire i fired every shot of my last gun i fired my heavy bolter until the barrel melted we ran out of all of our um like machine gun ammo an hour in and all of our mortar ammo two hours after that and the orcs did not stop coming and they were laughing the whole way jesus like it's interesting because we talk about the guard right and how it's just like a never-ending influx of just guardsmen being thrown at the problem it's funny because a lot of people assume that the guards just have a simple idea of like throw bodies at them yeah but guardsmen like company commanders and generals in the guard are sometimes more strategically intelligent than the things you'd find in in the marines the space marines because often when you fight like tyranids and orcs the [ __ ] 40 million guardsmen are outnumbered like 10 to 1. yeah there are so many orcs jeez so like it just gets to a point where they just reach a fever pitch and they're just like we need to kill and they just go on like this uh pilgrimage of death throughout star system just cause [ __ ] it we need to kill pretty much it's to cause as much destruction as possible and and what's worse is that because it becomes that insanely powerful it surges their like power of imagination because there are so many more orcs oh like that's true like if they get all of them going after one cause and they're all believing oh yeah that will sound awful to fight if the orcs stopped killing each other if the orcs stopped like and they all united under one banner the orcs would take over the galaxy like there is there is no they would destroy the humans in their entirety they would destroy all the tyranids even the eldar the crons if the the only thing stopping the orcs from actually destroying the entire galaxy is the fact that they're idiots they ins instead of 40k toning down their power through balancing or anything like that they're toned down because they're just dumb they're balance checks so yeah these guys are [ __ ] stupid exactly and it's perfect it's all that's needed well there you go that's kind of crazy though that if they just never started like infighting and they were just united just game over it's a it's an orc universe and we're just living in it pretty much the orc wah is is and is basically akin to the apocalypse like there is a point where where you would look down at from like from like an airplane or something uh in the guard and you would look at the orcs and it would just look like a sea of green ants that just does not end it will never end they just keep on coming so how how does one stop this because it sounds like if you're in the way of a wah you're dead you have no chance there's no escaping that too many numbers uh too many orcs too much imagination like do they just get tired and they're just like yeah we've satiated our bloodlust let's go home like how does one stop often they kill each other once they've once they've ran out of uh of worlds or they become kind of a problem i mean you know a walk can only last for so long after enough time after the wah has taken place for quite some quite a while they will you know you know you can only be under one banner for so long before they start trying to get each other uh but i mean extermination really is the only good way for being honest so i'm i'm i'm assuming the the the the base of that word is exterminate uh but like like how like what did they blow the [ __ ] planet up oh you just you just sacrifice whole planets that they're on and just blow it up with like a virus bomb or just destroy the planet yeah like there's a there's a quote from an inquisitor and he's like he's like i uh i told with the green skins once and that was my greatest failure from now i just i just do exterminatus on the planet they're taking over because there's no [ __ ] way i can get rid of them often like i mean if you were to invade an orc planet not only do you have to deal with the fact that the entire planet is covered in orcs but then even if you kill all them now that's covered in spores and they're going to build more orcs and more orcs are going to spawn and so at that point they're just like [ __ ] virus bomb the [ __ ] just just nuke it [ __ ] my character thing who cares get rid of it it's it's too strong okay it's actually a hilarious thing um in the tyranids there's a thing called a gene stealer and it basically like can take over your genetic material to make it so that you uh um they infiltrate like human cities and then eventually like turn the entire populace into worshiping tyranids and [ __ ] they're pretty cool um but they can actually infect orcs too the the problem the problem is that the the gene stealer called orcs are normally way too calm compared to all the other orcs and they get their ass killed because the orcs are like that's not that's not right that's not very orc they'll kill him because they're too calm they're two cubs so they get killed because they're not oracle that's great they're orc enough shy makes a good point too often uh exterminatus a planet isn't always the best option because orcs live on death worlds often like they might just live oh god so so like even a virus bomb or like just nuking the planet might not work like do you have to literally just destroy the [ __ ] planet you might need to like core crack it you might need to like like blow it up into chunks yeah like and then there's no that's not always an option they're that resilient they are so while we're a little smarter and they just or if the orc were a little smarter and they just kept on wanting and they could just keep on like keeping under one banner everybody's [ __ ] there's just no way to comb com combat those numbers pretty much pretty much like wow pretty much they are they are kept in line entirely by their idiocy i i i knew they were a problem and i knew that like the the imagination thing and stuff was like a big deal but damn i did not realize they were that insane yeah they are they are really really nutty um there's a tusca demon killer okay um i'm assuming this is someone that killed a tusk demon there well i believe his name was tusca uh he he called himself the demon killer um because he he um he currently okay he's the leader of an orc wah that is currently in corn's realm of chaos in the warp oh um and he is he is in a never-ending battle he they they are battling eternally in the warp for fun and for sport against demons because corn finds it funny and tuska and the and the group like enjoy it so he literally has a 24 7 gladiatorial arena for eternity in korn's domain in the warp because it's fun and because corn thinks it's funny it's just like yeah sure go ahead the um uh it's really our comic there's it's strange because like they're comic relief but it's like at the same time they're kind of no joke if you're fighting them like they know they're only goes so far until it's like oh yeah by the way uh there's a flood of them and you're [ __ ] underestimating the green skins is a fast fast trip to the grave um actually it's funny that you mentioned earlier commissary yarick there's actually something gaskell said where he's like humi's are all weak scum they deserve to get stomped except for old for one-eyed yaric he knows how to fight yarick is like yorick [ __ ] uh like his arm is gone he replaced it with an orc claw oh and and and he can use it i think he can only use it because orcs believe he can but they they thought that yarick had had a laser eyeball they thought he had one so he decided to give himself a laser eyeball so he he put a an eye laser so he's like in game he can zap you with a knot with his eye it's great commissar such a chad he's very much respected they have like a rivalry him and gaskell he actually has an eye laser huh yeah he isn't he's like the scouring uh scouring eyes his necrons it's got it's like the bail eye or something it's great it's the best oh so his arm isn't like an actual like green orc arm it's like one of their robot arms yeah the orcs have like things called power claws which they are like really useful so he's got a power claw arm oh i was just imagining like a dude that had like a literal orc arm like green and clawed and like just muscular as [ __ ] no though i don't think the power claw actually even works at a fundamental level i think it only works because the orcs think it works because it's it's so funny because like often the like mechanicus guys right they'll finish off an orc invasion and they'll pick up an orc gun and it'll just fall apart into pieces or like a vehicle will just like there's like no steering wheel or gas pedals it just doesn't work yep and nothing works and they see the um the machine the mechanicus believe that the orcs have their own variant or they believe that the omnisia and the machine spirit is like in the orc weapons so it allows them to function but only in orc hands it has it has like a twisted demented machine spirit um i mean which is why it only works for them yeah i mean or orc tech isn't really well i guess i was going to say orc tech can't fall into the wrong hands unless you're yarick yeah well york's a chad that's why he's so mega chat is that is that gonna be the artwork request for this episode that we the obligatory like some sort of chad uh yaric no we got two like we gotta double it up though like we got like the chad yark and the chad gaskel it's because i don't think either of them are bad to be the virgins they're just both chad it's like they have an artwork piece where it's the chad mork and the chad gork brutally cunning cunningly brutal will crumpia will stomp you it's great but uh i want to talk about a couple of the um the units that orcs have because some of them are hilarious i want to talk about the um about the shock jump dragster all right the shock jump dragster are they they are a jerk like a like a it's like a speeder like a like a drag racer right but they often will teleport themselves like into the warp and de-teleport themselves back out randomly in different areas and so they can just like bypass objects by constantly like zapping themselves in zapping themselves out um in the game they can actually like teleport around the battlefield which is pretty awesome yeah but one of my favorite things uh is the shock the shock attack gun and the shock attack gun is a gigantic like whirly electric uh weapon and in game it has a damage of d6 which is really high and an armor penetration of minus five which is really high um but it's it's strength is 2d6 and the reason for this is because um in the model which shai has posted but for those of you can't see in the model it sucks up a gretchen or a snotling directly into a tube and then what it does is it uses the the weapon's ability to then teleport said gretchen like at the enemy the reason it rolls for strength is because often if you have a high enough strength it will teleport the unit inside the enemy's body oh i've heard about this one so if you roll like two sixes or something with it then you have teleported the gretchen like into the heart of a space marine oh or like directly into the gears of a tank and it just everything gets like doesn't work anymore because there's a [ __ ] dude in it or or sometimes you'll rode two ones so your strength is two and that's what happens when you teleport the gretchen right outside of the radius and it just like splats on their armor and like a red mist [Laughter] oh uh storm boys storm boys are orcs that have shoved a giant rocket on their back and they are extremely like anarchistic and they they constantly like go around and they fly in with their with their huge like rockets this there's even a they they try to like hit people with their their weapons at the speed of like a ballistic missile and so it's you'll realize that it's not a missile coming your way it's an orc with a big club and he's just screaming on the way down that is [ __ ] hilarious often there's a rule that allows them to like double their movement in game but then you have to roll a dice for every storm boy and for every one their rocket just fails and they explode and die oh oh that's my favorite things right there's the there's the pain boy the doctor and and you can heal orcs but if you roll a one you accidentally like shank the orc and you kill him [Laughter] it sounds like it's it's it is quite the double-edged sword to play as orcs because on the one side if you roll really good you're gonna [ __ ] some cats up but if you do not have the heart of the dice on your side you're gonna [ __ ] yourself up and just blow up in the air your doctor's gonna shank you and kill you and it's like quite the quite the coin flip when you're playing i mean it definitely can be in terms of like shooting and stuff um though they do have some pretty good stuff like they got something called the burn obama and that the burn obama is like the bane of my existence uh in terms of like the in-game basically it's a giant it's a it's a it's a flamer vehicle but uh the burn obama is has a special stratagem which is like like an ability you can use um in game called fl uh flyin ed butt and what you do is you you fly the model over an area and then you immediately explode it in the concept that the orc decided to attempt to headbutt the enemy by by kamikaze their plane and it does like it does like a shitload of damage it's actually really [ __ ] powerful but um the fly the flying head butt is uh it's really it's a really good ability and it hurts real bad but yeah probably well i mean maybe they probably don't have the time to say it yeah that's that's hysterical that they're just like yeah i'm gonna headbutt that enemy with my plane with my face with my plane's face i just get just back it's like ah didn't didn't work out too well i bet i bet you there there are orcs that have survived a floyd egg but they probably have been they've always been like ejected from the sea and like like ran over and smacked like a human [Music] and then he flies out and he just rolls over a shitload of humans and oh shy tells me that if they survive that they build cars out of their planes no i think the something scrap jet the mega something scrap jet or something of that nature i think i know that thing the scrap kit is nuts so it's a mini soup can you do that in game can you do the floyd in it but and actually like no no no no it blows up your thing which is too bad but um that would be a little bit nuts yeah but like crazy the orcs in game like they have the rule uh uh daka dakadaka which is just every time you roll the shoot every time you roll a six you therefore you just get to shoot again and that works with everything including pistols to rocket launchers so you know you might have three rocket shots and then you'll end up with like five if you just roll really well damn in fact i didn't wait i i didn't even mention daca at all in this episode holy [ __ ] i can't if i forgot about that yeah or daca is uh they they say dhaka because dhaka is the sound of a gun firing so they're conscious they keep on the you know they keep on yelling dakakadaka because they love daca you always have to have more daca they're always like they love daca and if you ever say like do we have enough daca like how [ __ ] dare you get back in line there's always more daca people are less they don't they don't even aim well they're terrible at shooting but they just have such a good time that they're just running around yelling so i think what i what i've learned from orcs is that the warhammer 40k universe is the perfect universe for them to live in it's all suffering it's all fighting it's all strife it's like orc paradise in this universe pretty much they love it orcs are the happiest a lot of people ask like what's the least evil faction in warhammer a lot of people would say orcs i'm torm because orcs are actually quite savage um like they because they have dulled pain receptors they actually uh therefore find it really interesting when other species are in pain so they'll often like like break the legs of people or eldar and like story sling their intestines around and [ __ ] for fun um so they're actually quite horribly savaged uh to other people yeah but they don't see it as like evil they're they're not they're never like yeah they're never like malicious they do it because they're savage and they think it's fun they have they have a good time you know i mean i guess the only other option is like tyranids because they're just bug but i don't know yeah they're just bugs infesting at least orcs are you know at least they're having a good time they're smiling and happy i mean who else can you say that for in the 40k universe and they got bomb squiggs yes they have bomb squakes and face eating competitions and what a merry time to be an orc it's i want to make a makari model which is like a little gretchen that falls around gaskell with like a banner and i want to take that model and instead uh turn it into an orc with a um with a bagpipe squig and he just plays like he's like a scottish uh [ __ ] kilt and he just runs around playing the bagpipes next to uh next to gas oh yeah i didn't talk about that so do you know i'm not sure how well you know about the rules but like do you know what what interval save is uh i'm assuming it's a roll of the dice that saves you from damage okay invulnerable okay so you got like armor saves which are like armor and the interval saves are normally things like uh force fields and [ __ ] right um things like what doge van dyer had um normally they're not they're not as good it's like okay if i get hit by like a really powerful weapon instead of having no save because of my armor i have like a little bit of a save okay um the the game had like six up involves like like on the roll of six or higher is is kind of a common five up give or take four up is pretty uncommon if you have a four up interval save you're pretty tanky three ups used to be a little bit more common now they're almost not even existing right now because they're just so [ __ ] strong yeah two up involved saves are non-existent except for i think two circumstances one of them is the dark eldar arkham and the reason is because the first time you fail it it's gone for the rest of the game and the other one is makari the gretchen flag bearer for gaskell he does almost no damage and he is like a completely practically worthless model that's not worthless but he's very very like mediocre yeah but he has a two-up inval save from his special rule suspiciously macarius is known to being the luckiest gretchen of all time he he is const he was once killed by being sat on and until he wasn't killed and that he came back alive or something he's just he's just really lucky to the point where he might be one of the tankiest units in the entire game of 40k oh this tiny gretchen because he's just lucky so how how did he do he's just he's just lucky he's just really lucky i don't know what the [ __ ] no man it's over who cares i i vaguely remember some sort of [ __ ] storm on twitter because like uh he got sat on and he got killed and they never explained why and everybody was like oh that's [ __ ] how dare you do that like our favorite and then gw was like oh you liked him uh i guess he's not dead here's a new mini of him yep he looks cool too he's got a cool little he's just really lucky i don't know it's great there's a lot of there's a lot of good or characters like i figured he'd be more blue if he was lucky no no no if you're not if you're not green if you're not green you get bullied hard normally killed oh all righty then you better not if you were anything that isn't a green orc you are a uh uh gotta got a target on your head you will not last oh right then there are so many great ore characters boss snikrot leader of the sneaky gets um boss zag struck captain badruck there's just there's just so many uh obviously you got you got big man gaskell throcka [Music] is just great i i love the orc name so much what is what are some other ones we got here real quick mega track scrap jet custom booster blasters um rocket truck squig buggies uh scorches blitz obama's was bomb blaster jet uh chin nork warcopter uh ludas killer cans death dreads bone breakers squiggets mega dread mecha dread cannon wagon death roller battle fortress kill crusher it's just these are all units you can use in game something about the more direct ones like cannon wagon is just i assume it's just a big cannon on a wagon just very direct very to the point where dumb works we don't care here's a big [ __ ] can i'm actually kind of curious the cannon wagon is equipped with a big shooter and a super cannon oh it can be equipped with the three big shooters excellent so it's so it's it's a it's a it's a it's a cannon's wagon is what it is it's multiple cannons on a wagon what's the one that you have shy the forge world one again was that the grot mega tank oh i think it was yes the grot mega tank where oh no they got rid of that ability oh right because they redid the forge world compendium that's right that's right okay it's a lot it's a lot less rng now which is too bad back back in the day back in the day uh this ability had this great thing where you would roll a dice and it had a bunch of um uh yeah this looks a lot better than it used to be but i think it has a little bit less of like the flare to it where all all the grots inside of it if you roll the dice on a one they would like have mutiny and they you couldn't shoot that turn because they would all be beating each other up uh on on a six they would shoot too well and they get plus one to hit but they could only fire at one target which was fine um but they had like all these issues like that where your movement characteristic was 2d6 your weapons were like 2d6 dice it's hilarious anyway i'm getting off track we could talk about orcs [ __ ] for like a year it's so much fun uh we honestly thoroughly enjoyed learning about the orcs today i goods goods they're [ __ ] weird and i love it i can i give anyone shy loves them so goddamn much do you have a um uh do you have a any questions anything you'd like to ask before we before we finish this off are are you sure are you absolutely sure you can't give us your best impression i'm not gonna okay there are a couple there are a couple signs of that guy when you play warhammer and one of them is when you're on the other side of the table and he starts doing orc impressions when that happens i'm i'm like i'm not interested in this do people actually do that okay listen i love warhammer we all do warhammer is absolutely the domain of nerds we all know this yeah and and you'll often get those people who are who will be on the other side of the table with the cheeto hands and the what's grumping you gets all this [ __ ] [ __ ] and they'll like they'll roll three sixes and just pull their head back and yell wah at the top of their lungs oh no and they're doing this in like a public area and we get those people we should have an episode on that guy shy we should have an episode entirely on that guy that'll be a fantastic episode that'd be perfect oh my goodness oh i can i can tell my story of oh my stories oh my god you're that guy's story yeah oh oh there's one more rule i want to talk about okay there's a great uh rule called da bosses watch him where if uh if an orc unit fails morale instead of running the boss just immediately kills two orcs and does damage to them and then the morale is passed because the boss is watching don't run away oh god oh all right i i like the orcs the orcs are great they are the best they are the best and i we would not have it any other way [Laughter] take us home all right i got you so next episode is on the lamenters uh i gotta do a lot of research for the lamenters we'll figure this one out you gotta do it right man a lot of pressure the the people i donated for this man they won i i mean i pulled off krieg decently well i think so i'm i'm a little bit i'm i think i'm okay i i got it yeah yeah you i think you did real well with krieg i mean i don't know warhammer but you know i learned a lot in the creek episode krieger fan favorite sewer lamenters we'll see uh besides that thank you to all of our fantastic patrons over on patreon.com that's ridiculous you guys have been going insane if you're curious hey what's the next goal well our next goal is at a clean 2000 and we'll start uploading to the youtube channel various different kinds of game and model related content perhaps like showing off our armies and especially and hopefully we'll reach there uh when the warhammer dark tide comes out because then we'll have probably some fantastic games of all of us together playing dark tide which will be really fun uh besides i'm super excited for that yeah yeah um besides that uh for everyone else dk where can they find you uh everywhere at dk diamantes twitter twitch youtube real dk diamond is on instagram because i'm not rich enough to buy out the rights to it go ahead brookie where where did they find you they find me at uh twitch.tv bricky i stream almost daily we've got lots of other fantastic things that also say bricky on them like twitter and youtube you can of course find shy at either quite shallow or quiet shy in many different areas and as for that i i am really excited for uh for the next one i'm super excited we will see you in a week in a week lament will be back in a week [Music] you

Channel: Adeptus Ridiculous

Views: 831,312

Keywords: warhammer 40k, warhammer, podcast, 40k lore, lore podcast, orks, orks 40k, orks warhammer, adeptus ridiculous

Id: L1jaXGkV3rs

Length: 70min 7sec (4207 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 10 2021