- We're back again with
more Reddit stories that will blow your mind. And these ones are rather work related. So I brought two guests here who do actual work here at
Smosh, Spencer and Tommy. (Shayne laughs) - Yeah, we do. - Thank you for being here. I do this. I get to just sit here
and read Reddit stories. You guys have to edit and
do stuff and have meetings, which I'm invited to, but I don't go.
- [Spencer] I see you back in that little chair. - [Tommy] Yeah, I see
you in the back corner. - Shayne, have you ever
done jobs outside of acting, like before you were an actor? - No. I am very lucky to say that I, you know, I started acting when I was like, I started auditioning when I was 13. - Wow. - And, you know, when
you're doing that as a teen, and I wasn't working constantly. Like, but I was also in,
I was taking classes. I was in high school still. And then I'd been fortunate enough, I like lily padded from job that just paid my rent long enough that literally I would get my bank account down to being like, I need
to get, I need to go work. My plan was, and I was very close to
this before I booked Smosh of like I was gonna go work at Starbucks because they had a program
that would pay for ASU online if you logged a certain
amount of hours every week. So I had a whole plan,
but this became my job. So I would say Smosh is
actually the closest, this is the most normal
job I've ever worked because working on sets,
otherwise, I'm purely just acting. You do nothing else. Here I actually do other things sometimes. - Shayne, be working. - You do be working. - Yeah, but it's still a silly job. Like, it's a silly job.
- It's a silly job. - And I do far less of
the like grueling work than everyone else in this room. - I mean, I work, but
it's also a silly job. - Right, but you guys have to do, like, you do a lot more of the
technical, the lot of the like, just really the not fun
parts of the silly job. - [Spencer] That's true. - That's true. That it's not fun. - I'll say that it's less fun than this. - [Tommy] Yeah, I agree. - This is like the core. - [Tommy] Yeah. - And so- - Yeah, this is the most fun part. - Yeah, this is dope. So these encompass all forms of jobs. Some are corporate, some are more, you know,
retail service types of jobs. The whole gamut, if you will. But all of 'em are weird or bad. I don't know.
- I'm so excited. - Let's find out. First story. "Am I the asshole for getting
a job where my husband works?" Uh-oh. "Hi all, my husband started
his job at a restaurant "just a few months back. "He's told me about all of his coworkers "and how it's a friendly environment. "I enjoy hearing his stories, "but have been really concerned
about one of his coworkers." - [Tommy] No, no, no. - [Shayne] "Apparently she
serves the same time he buses "and he's talked about how nice she is." - He serves, she buses. - "And how they," (laughs) (everyone laughs) - Already, working in a
restaurant together is nightmare. It's horrible.
- Yeah, yeah, no. My brother met his wife at a restaurant, but they were working
there at the same time. - I know it's like a theater
department back there. Like, they're all (beep) each other. - Oh yeah, always. There was always drama, especially
if they're like related. - No, it sounds chaotic. Apparently she serves
the same time he buses, "and he's talked about
how nice she is," (laughs) Anytime bus or buses (laughs) - Serving and busing
together, it's something. (crew laughs) - So he's busing. No. (everyone laughs) - Work.
- Sexual style. - Okay. "We've had problems with
infidelity in the past on his half, "so I really didn't like how
he was talking about her. "So about a week ago I applied
to work at the same place "to be a waitress. "During the interview we did
briefly mention my husband "and how I could be scheduled
to work alongside him. "The owner is pretty big
on families it seems. "I just started today. "They started with training "and teaching where everything was. "Where I may be the asshole "is I never told my husband any of this." (Spencer laughs) - Oh my god. - "So me being there today
absolutely made him livid. "He didn't speak to me
unless he was told to, "and the coworker he always
talked about did the same. "I like being a waitress. "I've done it before, "but his reaction has
been so over the top. "His and his coworker's
reactions have made me "even more suspicious. "And now I'm wondering if I
should even trust him at all." - I think you kind of lose,
this might be problematic. I'm starting right off. I think you kind of lose
a lot of your rights in a relationship once you cheat. - Well, certainly like, I mean, once you do that,
like trust is (beep) gone. - Yeah. - And like, you need to go
to therapy and you need to, what I've heard is like
that relationship's over and you need to start a new one. - [Tommy] Exactly. - So like, clearly they're
not past him cheating before, so of course she doesn't
trust him because he did that. And it does sound, the fact that the coworker
that he talks about is also being weird towards her, it's like, yeah, he's probably doing that. - And she quit being a lawyer
to go work at a restaurant. No, I'm making that up. (everyone laughs) - I was like, "Where was that?" - I'm making that up. - "Sorry, your honor, I need to go." - I'm just like, was she just
waiting around for this job? Like, what? - This just sounds like
a bad relationship. - It's a bad relationship. She's got to go. - She's not the asshole. She's just kind of, she's a little silly. - Stupid. (everyone laughs) - She's a little silly. - [Tommy] No, yeah. - Like, Kiana, what did
you say to me earlier? Like, girl... - [Kiana] Oh, "girl, get up." - Yeah, girl, get up. It means like, hey, like leave him. - [Tommy] Yeah, get up. Get up and get out. - [Spencer] Like, get up and like- - Get up and get out. - Like, make some moves
to like leave this guy because like clearly he's like, you know, if he's unfaithful once. - [Shayne] Yeah. - [Spencer] Fool me once. - There's a comment
that I fully agree with. "Dude is either cheating
on her or working up to it. "But this is nuts. "If your spouse is a
(beep) cheating asshole, "just leave them. "You're not going to
babysit and stalk them "into being a good person." - That's so fair.
- Exactly. - [Shayne] Exactly, it's
like this is a lost cause. - Yeah. - Admit it, it's a lost cause and go. - And now you're stuck working, yeah. - Now you're working at Olive
Garden with your husband. - I wish they said the
name of the restaurant so- - Well, because the owner
is pretty big on families. - Okay, she hinted it. She Easter egged it. - How would you feel if you
were just a coworker here? Look, and like I said, I
never worked a service job. If I was just a random coworker, not any part of this
triangle, I'd be stoked. This is so fun.
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! I was gonna say.
- No. - [Shayne] This is (beep) fun. - This is the most
exciting (beep) in my life. - [Tommy] Uh-uh.
- This sounds so fun. Oh, is it awful? - Oh my god. (Shayne laughs) It's like, it's hard enough to be like, 'cause I waited tables at a
Italian restaurant in Orlando where it was like- - Was it Carrabba's? - It was not. - You wish, I wish. (Shayne laughs) - And like everyone was related. They were either like husband and wife or they were brothers. And it was always like,
they're like, "I don't (beep)" And so you're already dealing
with like, "My pasta's..." And you're like, "Nah!" And so you're just doing all this (beep) and then you go back to where you're supposed
to like go do the job part. And then they're all like... If there's drama on top of the drama of already being in a, you're gonna, listen, there's people
at this restaurant crying in the walk-in freezer. Guaranteed.
- Aw. - Like, tears are just
freezing immediately. - Yeah, also great place to cry. - I bet it is. - It is. - I haven't seen "The Bear," but I imagine that this is what it's like. - Yeah. - Yeah, I love that show. All right, next one. This comes from a
subreddit Coworker Stories. - Ooh. - Got a new one. All right. "At work we can be pretty immature. "Laughing at dumb things, "farting while someone is on the phone, "being stupid and so on. "I kind of have been over it lately. "I like the job, but I'm
tired of the playing around. "When a dude farts, I don't bat an eye. "When they make a dumb joke, "I don't really laugh or acknowledge it. "But now I'm the bad guy at work, "and I apparently have an attitude "because I don't laugh at farts. "Any advice?" (crew laughs) (Tommy laughs) Kimmy wrote down, "Smosh, is that you?" Okay, Kimmy. Come on. Come on. This is a relatable story
because we are very silly here. - Yes.
- We are silly. - I actually think though,
yeah, no, we're silly. But it's our job. - I know. - It's our job, we gotta be silly. - But there are, like I
think there are limits, and like there is a, you know,
it's about reading the room. Like, sometimes, 'cause if
you're silly all the time, it's exhausting.
- It's so exhausting. - Like, there are times like
if someone like, you know, I'm not above laughing at a fart. - No. - You know, but I'm saying like, if I'm trying to get some real work done and someone comes up and farts, like... Okay, well now I'm thinking that's really funny.
- That's really funny. (everyone laughs) - Unfortunately this is really funny. - Spencer (mimics fart) Then leave. - But yeah, no, I mean,
it's a time for work and a time for farts. Yeah, I mean, we used to do
this bit, and I hated it, and it was where we would
sing Happy Birthday. - In like every meeting. - I say we. I would like, I would leave. - I hated it too. - [Tommy] I would also
leave as quick as possible. - But we would do it anytime anyone entered the meeting room, we would start singing Happy Birthday. - And this is on Zoom. This was pandemic, this is Zoom,
so everyone's not synced up because you can't be perfectly synced up. So it's just a cacophony of... (everyone laughs) It was just really bad.
- It was pretty awful. It was pretty awful. - It was so annoying. - In the hardest time
in like recent history, we were doing that to ourselves. - I have a solution for this. - [Shayne] Yeah? - Come up with a new joke. - Yeah. - (beep) your (beep) pants. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Then you get to go home. - Comedy is about escalation. And what's the ultimate escalation? - (beep) your pants. - (beep) your pants.
- (beep) your pants. Okay, let's just move on
'cause that one's very silly. We've decided she should (beep) her pants. (everyone laughs) We've decided. Okay, here we go. "Am I the asshole for telling my wife "that I'm not taking off
of work to be present "at our daughter's birth?" - Oh. - [Spencer] Let's hear him
out, let's hear him out. - No. (everyone laughs) - Let him cook. - I work as an OBGYN. Well... - [Spencer] Okay. (everyone laughs) - Oh. Is he literally gonna be the one... - No, no, I'm just
kidding, I'm just kidding. Okay. No, he's probably a sim
pilot or something, okay. (everyone laughs) Okay, here we go. "My daughter's expected to
be born sometime this month, "so I've been picking up extra work "in order to have more money
for when the baby came. "Yesterday I came home
and my wife asked me "when I would be taking off
of work so I could be bedside. "I told her that I couldn't "because there was a big project coming up "and that they needed me. "My boss is also married to the sister "of one of my wife's brother's friends." - Totally. - "And they've all known
each other for a long time. "When I got outta the shower, "my wife told me that she called my boss "and that he was giving
me as much time off "as I needed with pay. "Then she says, 'You told
me that there was a project "'and that they needed you, "'but I was just told
that you didn't even ask "'for any time off. "'In fact, you asked for more work.' "I got upset for one, and I told her this "when I was first offered the job as well, "that I don't want her using
her friendship with my boss "to get me any special treatment. "Two, I think it's disrespectful "that she overruled my decision to work "by going over my head
instead of talking to me "and having me call, if I
decided to take time off that is, "and she decided by herself "that I was going to take time off "and called the boss on my behalf. "Imagine you decide to
do something at work "and your spouse calls your boss "and tells them not to let you do it. "How would you feel? "She apologized about calling "but was still mad about why
I never asked for time off. "I explained to her that I
wanted to work for extra money "to have after the birth
and plus the baby wouldn't "even remember me being there or not." - So true. (everyone laughs) - So true, man. You (beep) got this, dude. - The kid's not gonna remember
the first couple years. - Yeah. (everyone laughs) Just work for those few years. - He's not gonna remember the
first couple years either. "She burst into tears "and said that she wanted me to be there, "and I felt bad and said I would
try to be there if I could, "and everything was
fine until this morning "when I was getting ready
for work and she said, "'You're still going to work?' "I said, 'Yes.' "She asked, 'What if the
baby starts to come?' "I said that her mom will be here "and that I will try to
rush over to the hospital "as fast as I could. "She said, 'Fine, go. "'I don't care anymore,'
with an attitude, and I left. "I just got a text from her
mom saying, 'Shame on you,' "and my mom saying, 'I'm disappointed. "'I thought I raised
you better than this.'" (Spencer laughs) And a text from other people's moms. (everyone laughs) Everyone's mom started texting me. - Shayne's mom? (everyone laughs) - "I don't get what the big deal is. "Why is everyone making such a big deal "about me not being at bedside? "How many of you remember
your parents being bedside? "I want to take time off
after the baby is born "so I could bond with her. "It doesn't make sense to
take time off before then. "I know my wife wants me to be there, "but we're always together. "Am I the asshole or is my
wife not thinking straight? "I try to be gentle with her
because I know it's mostly "her out of control hormones talking. "But this is ridiculous." Woo! - Oh my god. - He had to sprinkle that in at the end. - Yeah, where to begin? - He had to just do that. - [Spencer] Yeah. - I got a little lost
when it was about the boss and the friend and I
started glazing over her. - The wife knows the boss. - Yeah, if I can nitpick. When he's like, "I really don't wanna be getting
special treatment at work." I'm like (scoffs) okay. - You're gonna. - Absolutely everyone would take that. This is ridiculous. Yeah, 'cause he keeps making it about how it's like the
baby's not gonna remember. It's like, yeah, but
your (beep) wife will. - But your wife is pregnant
and doing a crazy thing, which is birth.
- [Shayne] What the (beep) Obviously as most people know, like childbirth is a dangerous and obviously super,
super intense process. It's probably the most painful thing his wife is going to
go through in her life and like emotionally taxing, everything. And he's like, yeah- - [Tommy] "You got it, babe." - "You got it, babe. "I'm gonna go work 'cause I
like it and I need money." And he lied about a project. He's just an asshole. Just a bad, bad guy. - If they were like desperate for money, if they were like, "We're (beep) honey. "I've gotta work until the
last," then that's something. But he's just like... - Yeah, if it was a situation
where he had a nightmare job and a nightmare boss who's like, "We're gonna fire you
if you took time off." - Or if like he communicated like, look, this might be a weird perspective, but like, you know, if he
was like truly terrified of like being around like childbirth, like that could be an angle, but he doesn't even
present anything like that. Like, he's just like, "Ah,
like I don't really feel like," like, and not that that
would be an excuse. 'Cause it's like, it's your partner's, it's like the most significant
moment of your relationship. - He's not offering any
sort of legitimate reasons. - [Spencer] Yeah, like support. - 'Cause if he wrote like, "I
am terrified of being there," or something, but he gave no reasons. - Yeah. And again, not that that would justify it. - Sure, but it would be at
least vulnerable and honest. - Yeah, there's no vulnerability,
there's no honesty, and there's nothing in his writing that makes me believe that he
cares about his wife at all. - No, this guy- - [Tommy] Exactly. - And he's writing this
from his perspective trying to justify, and this
is still how it comes out. Some comments. "Okay, yeah, the baby won't
remember that he wasn't there, "but his wife will definitely remember." - [Tommy] Exactly. - "Typical asshole guy response. "It must be the hormones making her crazy. "Not the fact that I am
a huge piece of (beep)" (everyone laughs) Yeah, yeah, wow. - It's a pretty open and closed case. - Yeah, that's another
relationship that needs to end. - Yeah.
- Yep, get out of there. Our next story I have heard that Tommy will particularly
be fascinated by it. I don't know, I don't know. But this one's dedicated to you I guess. So this comes from Best
of Redditor Updates and Malicious Compliance. So, okay. "Boss didn't believe I
have cysts on my ass." (Spencer and crew laugh) Sorry, "Boss didn't believe
I have cysts on my ass." (crew laughs) - Pilodanal cysts? - Pilonidal cysts, yeah. - Okay. "Some backstory, kind of graphic." - Some backstory? - [Shayne] Some backstory. - Hey! Oh, baby! - "Kind of graphic. "Around June of 2022, "I started getting this
weird pain in my lower back, "upper butt area. "Kind of right where the
seam of your cheeks are." - [Tommy] Yep. - "I thought it was
because I tend to slouch "in my gaming chair
and sit on my tailbone. "I shouldn't. "Bad posture, I know. "Anyway, I thought it
was just sore from that, "and I fixed my posture a little bit "and took extra care in the
shower in cleaning that area, "but the pain just kept getting worse. "Fast forward a few months
and it never stopped. "It turned from pain to itchy, to pain, "to nothing at some points. "About two months ago from writing this, "I decided to look in the
mirror and see what it was. "I couldn't see, "so I had to ask my
girlfriend to look, LMAO. "It was embarrassing to
spread my ass cheeks for her, "don't get me wrong, LOL. "When I did though, "she noticed what looked
like a little hole, "maybe about the size of a pea. "And when I say hole, yes, I mean like-" - Do guys have butt holes? - "And when I say hole, "yes, I mean like indented
into my skin kind of hole. "I won't get more graphic than that, "but yes, it acts just like a normal zit, "pops, pus, et cetera. "I schedule a doctor's appointment "and have them take a look. "It's a pilonidal cyst. "Actually, not just
one, but there are five. - Oh no!
- Jesus Christ. - "One big one and four other small ones. "And with cysts, "the only way to get rid
of them is surgically." - [Tommy] Gotta scoop them out. - "So I scheduled my surgery. "I go in in about two weeks
from the time this posts. "Wish me luck. "Throughout this time, I had
to take a few days off work "for doctor's appointments
and basically told my boss, "it's just for a routine appointment. "I didn't wanna scare them with a, "hey, I might be off work for
X amount of weeks just yet. "When I got the news I needed surgery, "that is when I told him. "Now, I do a labor
intensive job in a factory, "a lot of moving, lifting, et cetera. "And I'm rather essential in my job. "I know how to do everything there, "and it will suck losing me for two weeks. "For whatever reason, my
boss doesn't believe me "to have anything wrong with me "and thinks I am just
trying to get out of work "because yeah, "who doesn't love two weeks
of unpaid vacation time. "I get home that day
and take my clothes off "and put my phone on the
bathroom counter on a timer, "turn around and spread my ass cheeks "and camera click sounds. "You can probably see what is going-" - He's sending hole pics, bro. - Sending hole pics. He showed hole. (crew laughs) - "Turn around, spread my ass
cheeks and camera click sound. "You can probably see where this is going. "I upload the picture to
my computer and print. "Print it-" - Print? What a boomer. - "I upload the picture to my computer "and print it off in
black and white of course, "and place it into a spare manila folder. "Keep in mind, you can't see much below "where I wanted him to see "because I'm not trying
to get fired or anything. "I cropped around where I needed to. "The next day I bring in the folder, "which also has my
letter of recommendation "from my doctor for surgery. "My surgery and at the very back, "the last picture he will
see is, in all of its glory, "my hairy white ass, LMAO. "My boss avoided me for a while "after I showed him the pictures. "However, since then, "he has actually not said a word about it "and is treating me great." So yeah, well that seemed to work. (crew laughs) - Honestly, he probably didn't
have to include the picture. - He didn't need to do that. - Yeah, all he needed is a doctor. But you know what? I think for him, not believing him... - [Spencer] Gotta show it. - He gave him the proof. He did give him the proof. There's not much to say I feel like. - There's not much to say,
and I'm very triggered. He got those cysts because
of his bad posture. - [Shayne] Oh. - Because if you mash that area up and you got a hairy little butt seam. - [Shayne] Oh really? - [Tommy] Then the hairs go back inside and they create those little cysts. - No way. I should be careful.
- Science knowledge. This is tangential. But my mom had to get her
gallbladder sucked out of her. You know how they can do that now. And they just like take- - What? No! - [Tommy] Yeah. - You can't just say a sentence like that. (everyone laughs) - No, it's true. So it's like all those like little organs that are like fine, like they can make a tiny
little hole like in your tummy and they can like go in
and (mimics sucking noise) So my dad was like, "I
need to take off work "because my wife is going like under "and getting like surgery." And they're like, "We're not
gonna do that," or whatever. And so he took the time off without it being, you
know, paid or whatever. And my dad got like a chicken liver, and he put it in a bag
and he showed up to work. And he's like, "Here's her gallbladder. "Can I get paid for it?" Psycho behavior. Love you, dad, so much. - That's (beep) awesome. - [Spencer] That explains so much. - It just feels very similar to- - [Shayne] Yeah, then he
grabbed it outta the bag and was like (grumbles) (everyone laughs) (Tommy and Shayne grumble) (everyone laughs) - Yeah. I mean, iconic for this guy
to print this picture off. Like, that's (beep) cool. - He really, you know,
he showed his whole ass. (Spencer laughs) He really bared it all. Okay, there's an update. "The ending was that my
boss avoided me for a while "after I showed him the pictures. "However since then he has
actually not said a word about it "and is treating me great. "I had my surgery today, it went well. "I am home and recovering. "I was only nervous because
I hate needles, IV needle, "but it went smooth. "My nurse was awesome. "I wanna thank everyone for the support "that they have given me
on my previous upload. "And I also had some
people reach out to me "with them having the same problem. "Thank you for that. "It made me feel less
self-conscious about it." Well, that's great. - I think it's a very
common thing, isn't it? Is that what you learned?
- It's common. It's not very common, but it's common. It can happen. - I think just like once you
hear of it happening once, you begin to like see way more of it. - See patterns. - See patterns everywhere. - Yeah, good news for the guy, once you get that surgery, that whole area is all scar tissue. It's not gonna happen again, baby. - Oh neat!
- [Spencer] That's nice. - "Neat." - The recovery's kind of a pain in the, I almost said a pain in the ass, but like literally like the recovery's, like it sucks, right? - Yeah, yeah. I don't, it's too graphic, but yeah. You gotta just deal with an open situation for like a month and a half. - I still, I'm loving that it's like, he bends over and spreads his
cheeks for his girlfriend. She's like, "There's like a hole here." (everyone laughs) What? Oh my god. That's like some Johnny Bravo logic. What? There's a hole there? Oh man, I'm dying. (everyone laughs) Okay, moving on. Okay, here we go. - Think butt plugs come in a two pack? (everyone laughs) - Not that one, babe! - Doh! Okay, go on. - His bio port. - Okay. "Am I the asshole for
reporting my coworker to HR? "I, a 37-year-old man,
have recently found myself "in a situation because
I reported my coworker, "a 20s female, to HR. "A year ago she started
working for our company. "She was withdrawn, shy, and
tended to stick to the people "that were in her training class. "Over the last year, I've been
trying to get to know her. "Everything was fine until
about three weeks ago "when I heard her speaking to
one of my friends, 20s male, "about how she doesn't like talking to me. "She's saying I'm stalking
her while she's at work "because I leave my area to talk to her. "She gets along fine with him, "but thinks it's weird that a married man "is giving her compliments "and keeps walking into her
department to talk to her. "Earlier this week she was talking "to that same friend about tea. "I'm also a tea drinker, "so I asked if she
likes oolong, Earl Gray, "breakfast tea, et cetera. "She kept saying no, then
caught an attitude with me "when I responded to her last no with, "'I guess you only drink
handcrafted artisan tea.' "She responded by saying
maybe I should have asked "what kind of tea she drinks
instead of naming random ones. "After that, she walked back to her area. "The next day she brought
five tea bags to my friend "so he could try them. "I looked at them and
said she lied yesterday "because one of them was a tea "that she said she didn't
like the day before. "I asked her if she liked
it and she said no too. "Her response is why I reported her. "It was basically saying you
never asked about white tea "and calling her a liar is disrespectful, "but I know that white tea
is the same as oolong tea." (Spencer laughs) - This guy. - "I'm just trying to be nice. "I reported her to HR for
a hostile work environment. "It didn't go the way I..." (crew laughs) "It didn't go the way I thought it would." - It never does.
- "And now work "has signed me up for a mandatory class "on workplace harassment. "I know HR talked to her on Tuesday "because I was notified on Wednesday "that I was required to take the class. "I think she lied to HR
to get me in trouble. "So am I the asshole
for reporting her to HR "when she's constantly
aggressive towards me?" (beep) you. (crew laughs) I knew this was bad
when the first line of, "Over the last year I've been
trying to get to know her." It's just like a weird thing of like- - Yeah, he's posting on Reddit about it. This man's a psycho. - I feel bad for her that he- - He jumped to HR so (beep) fast. - I know. - This is confusing 'cause
she said she likes white tea, and he's like, "Oh, it's
the same as oolong tea." I'm not a tea expert, but there's a comment here that says, "White tea is not the same
as oolong tea, dip (beep)" (everyone laughs) So hostile work environment
is a very serious claim. This is info from like a
human resource management type of thing. It is defined as when harassing
or discriminatory conduct is so severe and pervasive it interferes with an individual's ability
to perform their job, creates an intimidating,
offensive, threatening, or humiliating work environment,
or causes a situation where a person's psychological wellbeing is adversely affected. So not this. - So not that. - So not this at all. Not, "Hey, you need to be nice to me "when I'm pushing advances on you." - I'm dying to know what
compliments he was giving her. - Oh god, I know. - He probably thought
he was being so slick. - Yeah. - If you try and get to know someone and they're not like trying
to get to know you back- - [Shayne] Just leave 'em alone. - You're done. You're done. - [Shayne] Yeah, just leave 'em alone. - Yeah. - Especially if they're
not in your department. - Yeah, exactly.
- There's also a huge age gap. Like, he's 37, she's likely early 20s. But I'm just guessing based on this guy. - Look, for the sake of the story, yeah. (Shayne laughs) - You know, for this, yes. Some other comments. "I love the thought
that he went to HR like, "'Mom, she lied about tea!'" - Yeah. - "Why have you been
trying to get to know her? "Have you been complimenting her? "It sounds like unless it's about work, "you should avoid contacting
her to be honest." And then OP responded, "I
used to be shy like her "and it was hard for me
to go to work every day "when I didn't have friends to talk to. "I thought I was helping her. "Yes, I've complimented her a few times "because, like I said, she's
withdrawn from most people "and it could be a confidence thing." I yeah, I- - He should have been getting her treats. Like, various trinkets
to kind of put around. - Little doo dads and tchotchkes. - I think that would work. - Little things made out
of like wood and string that he finds in the woods. - Like, effigies. - [Shayne] Yeah. (everyone laughs) - [Spencer] Like, likenesses of her. - You can't help someone
who doesn't wanna be helped. - Yeah. - Also, she doesn't, probably
doesn't need help at all. - She doesn't need it. But I'm just that logic. - 'Cause he talks about how
she's talking to other people and she's friends with
other people at work. - [Tommy] She's fine. - She's doing just fine. - [Spencer] She's thriving. - No, he's a creep. All right, moving on. Okay. "Coworker did no work then
wanted a job reference from me. "Not happening." This is from Petty Revenge. - Respect. - Yeah, no, that's huge. - "Years ago I was part
of a programming team. "One of the senior team
members had been promoted "beyond her abilities "due to work she'd done some years before "on a suite of software tools "that everyone in the
company was forced to use, "despite them being much clumsier to use "than most equivalent
third party applications. "But that was her claim to fame, "getting promoted for her
contribution to mediocrity. "She somehow-" - Jesus Christ. - [Shayne] Damn. - Us working at Smosh. - "She somehow felt that
this entitled her to sit "in her office with her feet on her desk "reading paperback novels all day, "while the rest of us engaged "in various programming projects. "The company eventually
went into a tailspin "and there were multiple
rounds of layoffs. "Our whole division got
wiped out eventually. "Some years later, I'm
happily employed elsewhere. "Ring, ring goes the telephone. "Me, 'Hello, this is Mr. McDonald.' "Human resources guy, 'Good
afternoon, Mr. McDonald. "'I'm HR guy with XYZ company. "'One of your former
coworkers, Miss Novel Reader, "'has applied for a programming
position with XYZ Co. "'and said you could
give her a reference.' "Me, 'Oh, did she now? "'Fascinating.'" - Jesus Christ.
- Oh my God. - [Shayne] "What would you like to know?" - Oh, fascinating! - Oh, fascinating. - Yeah, monocle, top hat. - Oh, oh, oh, yes. (everyone laughs) Can't wait to (beep) her life up. Ooh, oh! - Her gallbladder! (everyone laughs) - "How long were you and
she in the same department? "Me, 'About five years.' "Guy, 'Great. "'What can you tell me about
Miss Novel Reader's work "'during that time?' "Me, 'Well, nothing, I'm afraid. "'I never actually saw any.' "Guy, 'You were in the same
department for five years "'and never saw any of her work?' "Me, 'In five years, I never
saw any work from her.' "Long pause. "Guy, 'Does that mean
what it sounded like?' "Me, 'Absolutely.' "Guy, 'Thank you for your time.' "Me, 'Don't mention it.'" Ooh! - Wow. - [Shayne] Damn. - I'm just worried about like... - [Shayne] This is from his perspective. - All we have is his word. - [Shayne] Yeah. - And it could be a potential- - 'Cause it also sounds like he was... The potential is that he's
very jealous of her and like- - Yeah. - [Shayne] But- - If he's telling the truth, (beep) yeah. - [Shayne] 'Cause we have no other people. - I mean, what could you do? - We have nothing to work off of. - Like, look, let's say we believe him. - Right. - Yeah, (beep) yeah. Talk that (beep) However... - [Shayne] It's possible. - It's possible it's
just like a misogynistic, like think of it, it's like programming. It's like a mostly male dominated field. - We have a comment here. Someone says, "I smell BS. "Just a disgruntled dude "who hated working with
a woman is more like it. "I'm sure your reference
wasn't taken seriously." He responded, "Hahahahahahaha. "I love working with women. "They'll actually talk about something "other than sports ball. "Nice try though." - Me. "I love working with women!" (everyone laughs) - [Kiana] Actually you. - Okay.
- Weird response. Makes me trust him less.
- Weird response. He's definitely weird. Look, we've dealt with people
writing out their posts in weird ways. And it does always make me not like them. Look... (crew laughs) From his story, do I,
with the context we have, do I think what he did was wrong? No. Do I like him? No. - Yeah. - [Shayne] I don't really like him. Well, that's 'cause of
the way he wrote this out. - Okay, let's change the
story up a little bit. - Okay. - Let's say it was a dude coworker. Like... - I think I would still
feel overall the same way. It's just the way he's phrasing all this. The way he like wrote it out like a play. - Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. I didn't like his writing.
- Ew! He wrote it out like a play? - Yeah, he literally wrote
like, me, him, me, him. - [Spencer] No, that's corny. - He's savoring this. - He's clearly a Redditor, derogatory. - All right. (crew laughs) All right, let's move on. "Am I the asshole for
eating the last donut "before my pregnant
coworker could have one?" - Look, man. - This is a personal
dilemma I have here at Smosh whenever there's donuts or food or treats, 'cause I am someone who
I can, I'm a vacuum. And I will definitely be
like, I could take two donuts, but is someone else
gonna not have a donut? - [Spencer] But is someone here pregnant? - Yeah.
- But is someone pregnant? Okay. "I, a 19-year-old man,
moved to New York City "a couple months ago."
- He's a growing boy. - Yeah, just a little guy. - "I moved to New York
City a couple months ago "and found work in a small office. "My boss brought in a couple
boxes of donuts this morning "and let us all have some. "All in all, there were enough
for all of us to have two, "12 employees and 24 donuts. "The pregnant employee ended
up not showing 30 minutes "into the shift so far, "so I had two more donuts
for a total of four. "And not even 10 minutes later, "she came walking in saying
her truck broke down. "She saw we all had donuts, "and she asked me if there
were any saved for her "since our boss let her
know she brought donuts. "I calmly told her no, since
I assumed she skipped work." - Calmly. (laughs) - "She got frustrated "and said that she had
to skip breakfast today. "I said, 'So? "'I never eat breakfast.' "She said, 'This is-" - That's the most
19-year-old thing to say. - [Shayne] "I don't even
eat breakfast, dude." - "Whatever, dude. "I ate like... "I had like four dinners." (everyone laughs) - "She said, 'This is
kind of a bigger deal "'for a pregnant person
than it is for some kid.' "At this point, my boss
told me to get to work "and gave her her uneaten donuts." The boss gave the pregnant woman her uneaten donuts.
- [Tommy] Good boss. - "My boss called me into her office "and said I was being rude. "I told her that I thought
my coworker was skipping "and offered to post here on
Reddit for neutral opinions." - Dude, I'm gonna go into Lisa's, be like, "You want me
to post this on Reddit?" (everyone laughs) - I'll post this on Reddit
and we'll see who's- - We'll settle this. - Yeah, we'll settle it. - "She said that, 'I mean,
people would still see you "'as a jerk in the real world, "'even if a group of socially
awkward kids took your side.'" Oh. - Yo! - Hell yeah, dude. - She kinda ate with that one. - Yeah, hell yeah, dude. - (beep) (beep) I wonder how Reddit's
gonna respond to that. "She thinks everybody on this site is 15 "no matter what I say." (Spencer laughs) - No, they're different, oh! - "So that was the end
of our conversation. "My coworker let me know she forgave me, "but never offered me an
apology for her attitude "or for dismissing me as some kid. "Am I the asshole?" - Yeah. - I'm the pregnant woman. If I was pregnant, I would be like, "You know, as a pregnant person, "this is kind of a big
deal," to everything. - Oh yeah. - Right. - Like, you eat my donuts, like, I'm like, "As a pregnant person-" - It's a big deal. - "This is kind of a big (beep) deal." - Yeah. - "Oh my god, if I don't have a donut, "I'm gonna go into labor if I
don't have a donut right now." (everyone laughs) "I'm just (beep) with ya, kid." - What show is that where like
the woman keeps pretending to go into labor to
like get out of things? - I don't know. - I think it might be
"Arrested Development." - That's awesome. So look, I have never eaten
more than two donuts when- - You lying sack of (beep) - I have not. I am actually very scared of
this type of thing happening. I feel very bad. So there's like, there's
a certainly, like, I feel like a waiting rule of like, and 30 minutes is not long enough. - [Tommy] No. - Once the donuts are placed, it's like it's gotta be a
while to come back and be like, "Okay, I'm gonna-" - There was a rule too of the two donuts. It's like, you gotta follow that. - I would at least be asking other people. I'd be like, "Hey, do you think I could
have these other two donuts?" And also I do think it's (beep) crazy that he went and had the two extra donuts. - The two last donuts. - Like, there's left, and
it's like, okay, if anything, like I'll take like half
of one of these donuts, or I'll take one of the donuts. To take both and have
a total of four donuts, I know you're 19 and at 19 you- - You be eating donuts, dude. - [Shayne] You're just gonna do it. - [Spencer] You're just
gonna tank those donuts. - But like (laughs) Just gonna (beep) tank 'em. "Sorry lady, I had to
(beep) tank those donuts." - [Tommy] "I had to tank
those donuts, sorry." - But I love, I also love like, "Whatever, I never eat breakfast." That's so (beep) funny. - Dude. - "No, you're fine. "Like, I don't." - "I don't do that, so you must be." - "So you're fine. "Everyone's just like me." Have you guys ever- - Yeah, with four donuts, like a chipmunk. - "I'm saving these for later." Some comments. "Wants to be seen as not just some kid, "but immediately runs to the internet "to absolve him of any wrongdoing "and tells his boss what he's doing. "Smart. "Bonus you're the asshole to OP "for attempting to get us on his side "by mentioning his boss
insulted Redditors. "Everyone insults Redditors,
including Redditors." - Right. - It's so true. No one disses Redditors like on Reddit. - It's like Weezer fans. (Shayne laughs) - It's like Weezer fans. I feel like Weezer fans and
Reddit have a crossover. - That diagram's a circle there. - "You're the asshole. "Never eat the last available
donut unless you bought them. "Basic workplace etiquette." I've never heard that term. I would never touch the
last donut in general just 'cause I'd be scared. - Look, I'm not above
taking the last donut. - But you wouldn't eat four donuts, right? - If I had eaten three and like,
you know, people were like, and, you know, I'm talking like when here, donuts will last like well into the day. - Absolutely. - And like, if there's like a last donut, I'm like, okay, well
yeah, I'm gonna take it. - Yeah. - Well, yeah, like if it was a fresh, like back at Defy when we
would have those donuts and people would come in on Friday. Every Friday. Do you remember this at Defy? - [Tommy] Yeah, kind of. - There'd be donuts every morning, every Friday morning at Defy,
and they would go so fast. - They'd be gone. - Especially the blueberry one. And I would always get in- - [Shayne] Never had that. - Yeah, 'cause you were a late son of a bitch.
- 'Cause it was gone. - No, 'cause I would take it. 'Cause I would at least take,
or I would always take one, but there were usually two or three. - Would I be the asshole
if I bought a dozen donuts and then I ate 'em all? Like, I bring 'em, and I put on Slack, I send out a message to the whole company, be like, "Donuts in the kitchen,"
and then I eat them all. - That'd be awesome. (everyone laughs) - Within that time span of
us walking to the kitchen. - They're gone. - You're like, "Oh!" (everyone laughs) - All right, here we go, next one. - So yes, asshole, by the way. - Yeah, asshole. Oh, totally. - [Spencer] Hungry, hungry asshole. - But he's also 19, like, frankly- - Frankly, kind of a dumbass. - Frankly, 19-year-old
guys, this is very typical. Like, I just, I would never
have said it out loud, but I totally at 19 understand
the logic of like, "So? "I never eat breakfast." - Right. - [Shayne] I totally get that. - [Spencer] The funniest (beep) - It's such an asshole
thing, but I totally get it. - The funniest (beep) part
of that whole thing is like, "Do you want me to post this on Reddit?" (everyone laughs) - (beep) love that. "And by the way, she
totally dissed you guys. "She said you guys (beep) suck." - Here it go. - So funny. That's so funny. Okay. "Sorry, I deleted all the
files you told me to delete." This is Malicious Compliance. "My job was to design and
write software prototypes "for individual high value customers. "If they liked it well enough, "then a real software engineering team "would build the real product. "Occasionally I would run the
prototype for a few months "while the customer evaluated "if they wanted to buy the real project. "Now these prototypes
are not a lot of code, "but they do run with a lot of data. "Even compressed, it can
be a terabyte or more. "Having done this work for years, "I've accumulated a small
disk farm of past projects, "which can be very useful when
a customer asks for something "just like what we did last year "but with a small change or two. "The company resisted
buying hard drives for this, "but it saved me so much time. "I ended up buying one
or two a year myself "until I accumulated about 10 of them. "Figure over $1,000
worth of external drives. "Then the unexpectedly management changes. "New management thinks they can
replace the old software guy "with a cheaper new software
grad, and I am laid off "with two weeks to train my replacement. "Yes, it's blatant age discrimination, "but impossible to fight. "So I just went for a
graceful transition-" - The newer guy doesn't eat breakfast. - "Except I have $1,000
of personal disk drives "with old customer data on them. "Company insists that no ex-employees "may take any company data off premises "and all files must be deleted. "I don't want to just leave
the drives at the company, "but they insist I must delete all data "before taking them home. "So I offer, they can buy them from me, "or I will eventually use
them for something else, "but I can leave the data on
them in case someone needs it. "Not good enough. "New manager insists I must
delete all data and all backups "before I remove the drives. "Okay, that's what I do. "Six months later I got a
series of desperate phone calls. "New software grad has been unable "to build any new prototypes. "Old customers are calling to
get old prototypes updated, "and new software grad has
no idea how to do that. "The executive VP is calling
to ask what it would take "to bring me back to do my old job. "Sorry, I've got a new job now. "And even if I didn't, "I cannot just modify the old prototype "because you insisted I
delete all old copies of it. "If I did want to modify it, "I'd first have to
recreate it from scratch. "The code still exists
in their source control, "but the data is the
heart of the prototypes, "and that old series of six
months apart data we collected "is gone for good no matter what. "Sorry, you screwed yourselves "exactly like I told you would happen. "Hope whatever you saved
by hiring a new grad "to replace an actually
experienced programmer "was worth it." Damn. - That was rough. - That's rough. - That's real rough. I'm not too savvy on like tech stuff, but I know from stuff here- - It's all on the data and code. - Like, just backups of things and stuff, and once you lose it, it's
like it's a huge deal. - Yeah, I mean, that's like... - I remember when Defy went under, that was the biggest deal. That we had a ton of stuff on drives, and that was like, we need to get that. Like, that was the only
thing we were focused on for like a month or two. So it's shocking that
this company clearly was- - No, data is like, someone
asked me the other day like, what would you save in your house? Like, besides your cats obviously. Like, if there were a fire. And to me it was like my computer, like my laptop or my hard
drives 'cause that's like data and that's like I can't
replace a lot of that. - Right, that is like
the modern photo book. - Yeah, it's like pictures. It's also like, you know, footage from every video I've ever shot. You know, it's like, it's memories and it's, you know, it's data. Like, everything else is things. Yeah, it's a, yeah. - This guy followed the rules. - [Shayne] Yeah, he did his thing. - He did exactly what they said to. - I mean, he screwed over his replacement, which that's the only thing that's like... - [Shayne] Yeah. - [Spencer] Did he? - Yeah, the replacement just got hired. Like, but, well... - [Spencer] Well, he
didn't like intentionally- - Sort of, no, he didn't actually- - He didn't screw him over. He just didn't set him
up for an easy thing. - I mean, who knows how he trained him, but yeah, he did nothing wrong. The new person didn't do anything wrong. Who's ultimately at
fault is the higher ups. And they're the ones who ultimately pay. You know, because the
new hire, he has the job, like he's doing the best he can. - [Tommy] Right. - He doesn't know some (beep) Someone said an interesting comment. "You think hiring a
professional is expensive? "Try hiring an amateur." And that's an interesting thing 'cause the cost you'll have to pay for- - Oh, to get them- - Not working out and not
being able to do the job. - I can't wait, dude, the
day I get to throw that line in someone's face. - I know, right? Ooh. It's gonna be a good
40-year-old moment for us. (Spencer laughs) - Someone said, "The
epitome of congratulations, "you played yourself." Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good malicious
compliance right there. - Ah, managers.
- Classic. - Managers, (beep) 'em. - (beep) 'em. - [Shayne] All right. - Love you, Rachel, sorry. - Next one. "Am I the asshole for hiding
my personal life at work?" - Okay, Batman. - [Shayne] Okay, Batman. "I'm in a little trouble at work "because I've been sort of
hiding my personal life. "I've worked in this office
for about nine years, "working my way up. "I'm notoriously private and also believe "in a clear separation
of work and home life. "With that, I never ever
talk about home life. "I'm not ashamed of my life, "I just don't like to discuss it at work. "My coworkers enjoy talking
about their personal lives "and often include me. "If I'm asked any questions, "I usually redirect or
move on to someone else. "In this manner, none of my
coworkers knew I'm married, "have twin daughters, and a
very active personal life." Okay, for a second I
thought he was Superman. - It's like, "Hey Bill,
sorry your wife died. "Yeah, what about Jerry's wife?" (everyone laughs) - "We hired Melinda last year, "and she took it upon herself
to become the office snoop. "She spent several weeks-" - Okay, I love her. - Yeah, she's iconic already. - Me thinks you have twin daughters. (everyone laughs) - That's a lot of baby stuff around here. - Man, it smells like wife in here. Do you know anything about that? (everyone laughs) - "She spent several weeks getting "as close to everyone as possible. "However, she does this "to seek out potentially
useful information she can hold "over people's heads. "Try as she did, I
never gave her anything. "My coworkers view me as-" - She tortured him. (laughs) - Tell us now! - How many kids? - "Try as she did, I
never gave her anything. "My coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. "Compartmentalization aside, "I've made some great friendships at work. "There are more things to
talk about than my husband "and my kids. "They're a big part of my life, "but I'm not even going to martyr myself "and say they're the most important. "They're hugely important and
come before everything else, "but I'm not a-" - But? - But? - "But I'm not a sycophant, "and I enjoy the 10
hours a day I'm at work "when I get to be an adult
and talk about things "other than Jojo Siwa and the
newest Kardashian exploit. "Last week, Friday, "Melinda came into work
looking like the cat "who got the goldfish. "At lunch, she announced to
everyone that I am married "with two daughters, a
dog, and a nice house. "I play softball, I kayak, and
occasionally mountain climb, "and that I'm on Facebook. "She couldn't see my posts. "However, some of my photos
are shared with others "and therefore not private. "I use a shortened version of
my name, Allie from Alexandra "and my married name on Facebook, "so I'm not sure how she found me "unless she used white pages
and put two and two together. "I've already reported her to HR. "But the problem is my coworkers "are acting like this
is a big (beep) deal. "One of my friends said she's hurt "that I don't trust any of them "and hold them in such low regard. "I tried to explain that
it's nothing against anyone. "I just don't like discussing
home at work and vice versa. "I never bring work home. "When I'm home, that's time with my kids "or my dog or my husband
or friends and hobbies. "Heck, I chose to live an
hour outside of the city "in a small town just to
avoid work when I'm not there. "I've apologized if
any feelings were hurt, "but my coworkers are
now giving me the chill "and won't talk to me unless
it's directly about work. "I honestly don't see the problem. "I've never lied to them. "I've never given them false information. "I've never made up wild
tales about my life. "I'm still the same person I was. "Now they just know more
about me than they did." Wow, what the- - Feels like everyone's a
little crazy in this one. - This is a weird one.
- That's a weird story. I do think this coworker's, I'm very curious how she
announced all that information. Like, that's (beep) weird. - "Morning meeting." - "So I've discovered
some interesting things." She's a weirdo.
- Yeah, that's insane. That's insane behavior. That's legitimately... To announce like, "Oh, I found out like all
this stuff about like..." - Yeah, it clearly must become like a meme around the office of like,
nobody knows anything about her. Like, she doesn't talk about stuff, which then they're like, they're hurt that it's like she has a life. It's like, but the joke
was that you're an enigma that you don't talk about your home life. I don't know. Like, unless I was hanging
out with her outside of work and we were friends outside of
work, I wouldn't be offended. - Yeah, if someone didn't-
- Right, it's like- - Like, I've worked with
people over the years who like we're coworkers,
like we get along, but like, oh yeah, we
just don't talk about- - Yeah, Brennan, I don't like that guy. - Yeah, we don't like Brennan. - [Spencer] I'm always
asking for his address. He's never telling me. - Yeah, what's your social
security number, Brennan? Okay.
- [Tommy] Nope. (everyone laughs) - Come on, man. Dude, he's holding out on us. - Dude, what the (beep) Brennan? But yeah, I think... I'm kind of like, sure, you can say like, oh, it's kind of unique behavior. That's kind of strange that
she has this really hard line, but that's her boundary and she's at work, and she's there to do work. She's not obligated to
give this information. - Yeah, like I think like very obviously what the new coworker did is wrong. But like what's more
interesting is like to me, like what I am more interested in is like what would make a
person so kind of protective of their-
- [Shayne] I know. - You know, and like, you
know, we can speculate all, but like, 'cause it's not like,
I mean, it is a real person, but it's like an... It's not someone we know. It's like a nebulous. Like, I wonder-
- [Shayne] A Redditor person. - Yeah, like, I don't know. It's just, it's very fascinating to me, like that separation. - She's a very Ron Swanson type person. - Exactly. Well, she's not gonna share anything now. - Like, "I don't wanna talk
about my life here at work." - [Tommy] That was good. - Thanks. Some comments here. "Not the asshole. "Melinda needs to mind
her (beep) business." - [Spencer] Yeah. - "I would complain to HR
about her harassing you." "Oh, I did, and they're looking into it. "If she did it at home,
there isn't much they can do. "But if she did any of her
snooping on company computer "or time, she's going to
be at least reprimanded, "if not written up. "The most they can do is
move her to a new department "or team for creating a
hostile work environment." Someone else said,
"You're not the asshole, "but you can't expect them to talk to you "about anything else but work." Someone else responded, "While
I'm not as private as OP, "I don't think I have to
reveal my private life "in order to talk about
anything else but work. "Examples, what the hell
is going on with Roman "on 'Succession?' "I'm so sick of pumpkin spice things. "Look, a stupid cat video." It's true, it's like there's
other things other than work that you can talk about. Yeah, it's messy because
like, I, you know, you'd think ideally at work, the way that you move up
and you do well at work is by doing your job and
being focused on that. I understand that with networking and like knowing people and
all this stuff, it's like, it kind of requires you to
bring like personal elements into your job no matter what the job is. - Unless you're truly so good at your job that you can like transcend those, like- - [Tommy] That's so true. - But if that doesn't, and that's such a rare thing
to be so good at your job where you don't need
to make like alliances, for lack of a better word. Like, you know, like
partnerships, friendships to like, you know, to be well liked and like, you know, kind of understood. - It seems strange. I do think straight up not
telling them that you're married, like that's fascinating. I understand if it's just like,
"Ah, you know, they're good. "Like, my wife's good. "Like, my kids are good. "Like, I don't really,
like nothing's going on." Like, but to be like, "I'm not even gonna share
that information," is extreme. It's certainly, I've never
met anyone like that. - Like, personally, I
can't imagine having kids and not talking about them a lot. - Right. - Like, it's like that's
kind of your, you know, it's like when you leave work
and not talking about work, like to me it's kind of hard
to do because, you know, it's like, you know,
eight plus hours of my- - That's straight up severance. Like, she's trying to do severance. - Yeah, that's so true. Trying to do that thing. There's an update. "I don't have any sort
of interesting update. "HR brought us both in yesterday afternoon "and asked us what the (beep) is going on. "I presented-" (Tommy laughs) - I was like, "You want me
to post this on Reddit?" (everyone laughs) - I said, "I don't even
eat breakfast, dude." (everyone laughs) "I presented my side as detailed above. "Melinda gave hers. "She basically said
that she had been trying "to get to know everyone "and she had been having
trouble getting to know me, "so she found my Facebook in an effort "to find something to talk about with me, "and then she just
informed everyone else." - This is weirdo behavior. - Yeah, that's weird.
- She's a weirdo. I'm sorry, Melinda's a weirdo. "I asked my HR rep to pull up Facebook "and to do a cursory
search for my real name. "There were several. "Then I asked him to
search for my married name, "or the one I go by on
Facebook, Allie Smith. "There were enough for
about six or seven scrolls "on the mouse pad. "In any case, too many to count. "I haven't touched my own page "since I reported the incident. "It was about 30 names from the top. "But like I said, my profile
pic is my dog, not me. "So she would've had to
look at each thumbnail photo "or view each account. "I do have an Instagram
page that's on private, "but I only have a few friends, "mostly family members,
under the same name. "She found me the night
before last and friended me. "Naturally, I blocked her. "HR gave her a reprimand "for creating a negative work atmosphere. "My rep wasn't sure why
Melinda felt the need "to blast my info for everyone, "and he called BS on her for
claiming it was innocent. "So that's that. "That's probably all
that's gonna come from it "because my coworkers are now
acting mostly back to normal. "However, I took the advice from the sub "and I'm making amends. "They're all most receptive. "I am gonna learn to
open up, but not by much. "But they know enough about me "to know I'm not an
automaton or anything." Okay, well that sounds fine. - Yay? - Yay? Yeah, yay. - [Shayne] Okay. - We solved it. - Melinda, you weirdo. - [Tommy] Yeah, what? - All right. Like, if I did snooping
like that, I would be embarrassed.
- [Spencer] Embarrassed. - So I'd be like, "I don't want
anyone to know about this." - [Tommy] Right. - But like, have I done that? Yes. Would I be embarrassed and like, I would not tell other people. - No. Also, the CIA needs to hire Melinda. - Yeah, yeah. - All right, here we go. Here's the next story. "So you won't work because
you want to know what happens "on 'Game of Thrones?' "Fine. "So this happened in 2019
when the infamous last season "of 'Game of Thrones' came out." - That was only 2019? - [Shayne] That was 2019. - Feels like eight years ago. - I know. It's been forgotten 'cause it sucked. "Back then I was working a
(beep) customer service job, "and because I was a student at the time, "had to work late afternoon/night shifts. "The company being
permanently understaffed, "there were usually two people
on these types of shifts. "In this case, yours truly, "and the person we will
call (beep) Mc (beep)" - Jesus. - "Who also worked
mostly graveyard shifts. "I can write an entire book of stories "about (beep) Mc (beep) that
would showcase the reasoning "behind his name, but
I'll save them for later. "The bottom line is this dude
barely ever showed up to work, "and when he did show up, "he would call his friends
from the company phones "to keep the line busy "or just spend all his time
eating and watching movies." - Sick. - Yeah, pretty cool.
- "Besides refusing to work, "this guy was also
incredibly rude and entitled. "What I know is he came from money, "but his parents made him
work and he was not amused. "He was 20-ish, if I remember correctly, "but threw tantrums like a three-year-old. "Now night shifts were usually quiet, "and both me and (beep) each
minded our own business, "but it wasn't the case that week. "Some service was down somewhere
and calls were flooding in "to the point where I
barely had time to breathe "between calls. "At some point I noticed (beep)
phone had been disconnected. "He's logged off and opened HBO "to watch 'Game of
Thrones' season premiere. "While hundreds of calls
and emails keep coming in, "I go over to him and ask
to please do his damn job. "And his response is, 'Geez,
chill, it won't take long. "'I just really want to know
what happens in this episode.' "I didn't have time to yell at this idiot. "And even if I had, it
would've been useless. "What I did instead is I
went back to my workstation "and messaged him what happened "throughout the course of the
entire episode scene by scene "on Slack and email with
our team leader CC'd in. "He slammed the keyboard and
went back to taking calls. "It made me feel better,
but not good enough. "I knew his university
schedule wouldn't allow him "to watch the episodes
right as they came out, "so every week I would religiously email "and slack him a message
containing all the spoilers, "titled 'Game of Throne Summary. "'I hope this helps you
concentrate at work.' "Was it petty and childish? "Yes. "Was it delicious and beautiful? "Also yes. "Do I regret it? "No." I don't understand why he
couldn't just seen the emails and not read them. - Yeah, he probably just
didn't read the emails. - So here's what OP could have done. The season finale like leaked. Do you guys remember that? It like leaked. - Oh yeah. - Like, I wanna say like months before. People were like, like
Daenerys, blah, blah, blah. - And someone, I remember that happened, and someone detailed out the finale, and people didn't believe it. - 'Cause it sounded dumb. - 'Cause it sounded so bad,
and then that was the finale. And everyone was like,
wow, this is really dumb. - Like, to a T. - [Shayne] Yes. - [Spencer] It was terrible. - [Tommy] I didn't
watch "Game of Thrones." - Oh, dude. I'm such a, I am a huge
"Game of Thrones" fan. - [Spencer] Seasons one, two, and three. - I would say four as well are awesome. - I don't remember four. - But then it starts to get pretty bad, and by the last season it
was just a dumpster fire compared to what it was before. - Right. - Had it started with the
energy of season eight- - [Tommy] It'd be fine. - I would actually love that show. There's Netflix and fantasy
shows that are the same caliber as "Game of Thrones"
season eight that I'm like, I love this show. It's super fun. - Right. - But it just, it was such a downfall. But anyways... - Not the asshole. - What I don't get is this guy is, (beep) Mc (beep) is stupid
'cause he should have just lied. - [Tommy] Right. - Just lie. - [Tommy] Yeah. - [Shayne] Dude, just lie. - [Spencer] It's not hard. - That's, I think, that's a big
frustrating thing in my life is I get upset when people
do bad things, right? Like, when people lie or they're (beep) or they do bad things. I get more mad when they
are like stupid about it. I'm like, if you're gonna do a bad thing, if you're gonna lie, if you're
gonna be (beep) do it well. - [Tommy] Yeah. - Come on, man. - Put in the effort. - Be better. - Build that lie universe out. - Be better at being a bad person. - [Tommy] Exactly. - Like, you know? - How did the guy, how did he not get him
fired like that first time? Because like, dude... - Take a picture of him watching TV. - Well, they're so understaffed that they probably can't
afford to fire him. Like, they, or maybe, I don't know. - Well, he's not doing anything anyway. - [Shayne] Yeah, he's literally useless. - Think of how expensive
it is to hire an amateur. - We got some comments here. "This is why you shouldn't burn people "who know how to hurt you." (laughs) - [Spencer] Jesus. - Damn. "Why would he read the spoilers "if he didn't wanna know what happened? "I would just delete it." Someone else said, "What was worse? "You giving him spoilers "or the actual final season
of 'Game of Thrones?'" (everyone laughs) Yeah, it was pretty bad. - He's like Bran? - So guys as our final thing. This is completely
different type of thing. - Okay. - Very different. This is not work. I mean, this is a guy, he's doing the job. - Aren't we all? - So this is a story about
a guy who's self-employed. - What's about to happen? - He's self-employed. I found this story right
before we started filming this. I was on my phone and I came
across this Reddit story, and I was like, no way. We gotta read this. - [Spencer] No way. - [Tommy] No way. - It's just awesome. - Okay. - [Shayne] It's just an awesome story. - I'm so ready. - About a job. (crew laughs) - [Tommy] About a job. - R/UnpopularOpinion. "Sucking your own dick doesn't feel good." (everyone laughs) - Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's the tweet or
there's like the thing, it's like sucking your own dick doesn't feel like
getting your dick sucked. It feels like sucking dick. (Shayne laughs) And like, and for some people
like that's their thing. And like... - "So a couple months ago." (Spencer laughs) - [Spencer] Oh, there's a story! - "So a couple months ago I found out "that I was able to suck my own dick. "And when I say suck my own dick, "I don't mean simply
licking the tip of my penis. "I mean full on deep throating
my entire cock." (laughs) - Whoa, they're a pro. - "When I first found out
about this, I was so excited, "and I immediately began sucking my nob." (everyone laughs) "Though I realized it wasn't
really pleasurable at all. "It felt more like I was
sucking someone else's dick "than somebody sucking my dick. "Don't get me wrong,
there was some pleasure, "but it was completely overshadowed "by the feeling of having
a penis in my mouth. "I wasn't able to focus on the
sensation of being sucked off "since all the focus was on
having an entire (beep) dick "in my mouth. "It was a surreal experience
to feel all my cock "and stuff in my mouth." We'll probably cut some of this. "It was surreal experience
to feel all my cock "and stuff in my mouth, "but it wasn't what I was
looking for, you know?" - [Spencer] Wait, a second. (everyone laughs) - "And no, it wasn't because
my head game was trash. "I actually became-" - It sounds like it's 'cause
his head game was trash. - Yeah, I think his head game is trash. - "I actually became
pretty good at dick sucking "because of my special ability. "So yeah-" - That's my secret, captain. - "So yeah, sucking your own dick "is nowhere near as," (laughs) I love this as a Ted Talk. So yeah. (everyone laughs) "Sucking your own dick is
nowhere near comparable "to somebody else sucking you off. "It just isn't as pleasurable
as people make it out to be." - Who's making it out to? I've never heard anyone be like, "Dude, you gotta check this out." - You gotta check this out. - "I think I'll just stick
to jacking off instead." - [Spencer] Amen, brother. - So this, I guess this was
posted a couple years ago, but I just saw it today. There's some comments. "Imagine being this insecure
with your sexuality. "This feels good, "but oh no, I don't wanna
think of myself as gay." OP responded, "I didn't feel good though. "That's the point of the post. "Don't get me wrong,
there was some pleasure, "but it was completely overshadowed "by the feeling of having
a penis in my mouth." "It felt good, but oh no, I can't get over "how it threatens my tiny
insecure masculinity." And then he responded, "I just don't like the feeling "of having dick in my mouth, okay?" - "Okay?" - [Shayne] "Okay?" That's all he commented. - [Spencer] And he was gone. - That's all he commented
then he disappeared. I just, I saw that title. I added it once I saw the title. I was just like, that's awesome. I love that that's an unpopular opinion. Like, guys, unpopular opinion, sucking your own dick, not so good. - I've never seen anyone be like, you have to try this on the internet. And I've seen people argue for
everything on the internet. Like, you gotta do
this, you gotta do this. - But I've never seen that. - Never seen anyone be like, dude, you gotta get good at this. - Dude, you gotta do it. Well... - Yeah. - Other people's jobs suck. - Yeah. (everyone laughs) - I'm very grateful that, I don't know, we don't have people who
snoop like that and... - Yeah. - You know, I don't know. There's some messy situations here. Some jobs are very silly though. Like, people fart and that's- (Spencer laughs) - It's like every workplace
is gonna have drama because you spend like two
thirds of your life at work. - Yeah. - And so, you know, and things happen, but it's like, I'm so
glad that we're not that. I'm so glad like... - I'm glad nobody eats four donuts. We all share the donuts equally. - Yeah. - [Shayne] So that's cool. - We work at a great place
compared to all of those. - [Shayne] Oh, compared
to this, definitely. - Oh my god. - Well, thank you both for being here. - [Spencer] This is so fun. Thank you. - Thanks for joining me. I know you have to get back to work now. - Was that a command? - Now get back to work. (everyone laughs) I'm literally not your
boss in any sort of sense, but get back to work. But you should get back to work. No, really thank you guys for being here, and thank you for watching. And as always, let us
know what other subreddits or stories you want us to cover. We have a Reddit, you can post them there. You can reply to us on Twitter
or in the comments below. Just give us ideas. Give us themes that you want us to cover. Anything, any sort of way of doing this. We're all ears. And next week, next Saturday, I'll be joined by Jackie and Keith as we read a bunch of friend drama. And it gets messy, it gets weird. So we'll see you then. Bye!
- Bye!
