My sister and brother in law won’t let me kiss my boyfriend

[Music] i 30 female have agreed to carry my sisters 42 female baby for her as she is unable herself and lacks the financial resources to pay a surrogate i'm happy to do this or at least i was i'm six months along at the moment and i met a lovely man recently and we are in the early stages of a relationship he knows about my situation and is very accepting and considerate before agreeing to carry their baby we had some firm rules placed they asked me to stay away from nes contact with men i agreed and i really didn't mind nor do i mind it right now the agreement was no s of any kind and i have not done anything with anyone as was agreed a few days ago i introduced my new boyfriend to my sister and bill and at first everything was great they invited us for dinner last saturday we had a great meal and a great time together they all seemed to get along that is until he had to leave when my boyfriend had said his goodbyes to my sister and bill he then came over to me and hugged and kissed me quit passionately but not in a vulgar way nor was it for a long period literally seconds as soon as he left my sister and bill jumped down my throat talking about how i broke the rules how disgusting and wicked i am i genuinely was shocked i had not expected such a blowout or their irrational behavior feelings towards me literally just getting a kiss i decided not to argue or even go in conversation with them and just walked home i live about 30 minutes walk away and by the time i got back home i had an ml waiting for me the ml contained our original agreement but now it included a section with no kissing of any kind and they want me to sign the new agreement i don't want to as i have been more than accommodating and considerate of all their original request i feel like they are now crossing boundaries and acting as if i'm some kind of farm animal they own and control i don't want to create any further animosity between us they have been calling and texting me since then and i have yet to answer i would like to reply back via email so that there can be no confusion and to create some separation any advice on what to write would be great so how do i reply back to their email without being rude or how do i deal with them in general edit they did offer to drive me home but i declined as i enjoy walking and at the time it is my only way to comfortably exercise the baby is biological my sisters and bill this child is made from her last and only viable egg they had tried many times before but they all failed so i understood their anxiety and worry when we originally made the first agreement and i viewed it and still view their initial request as acceptable i wasn't in a relationship at the beginning of all this and they were worried about potential stee and i understood and i was already taking a break from s and men at the time i'm doing this completely for free and without any reward other than helping my sister have her first and only biological child edit i've decided to send this as a response dear sister and brother-in-law i'm truly shocked and saddened by your reaction to my partner kissing me and with your continued behavior i'd like to remind you that i'm a human being an adult and your family i'm honored to carry your child and to help you as best i can however i insist on being treated as a person and not an incubator i can understand both of your worries and irrational thoughts as this is your last attempt for a biological child i truly empathize with you and want you to have your beautiful family this is why i've agreed to do this completely for free with the restrictions that we've originally agreed to answer i have been nothing less than compliant and considerate of your request i have upheld my side of the agreement i have kept my word and upheld my responsibilities towards the baby and yourselves however instead of being beyond grateful you too have decided to stop respecting me so much so that you now feel you're in a position to make any demands of me instead of treating me as the kind and very generous sister i'm being i love you and i love the baby i'm carrying for you i would never ever do anything to harm the baby or cause any disruption to a healthy successful pregnancy and birth i will therefore under no circumstances sign the new agreement as i do not agree with it however i do demand you both take a step back and try to look at this all rationally i fully understand your anxiety around the baby given the struggles you've faced i feel for you greatly but that does not mean you two get to treat me in this manner the stress and distress that you two are causing me is far more damaging to the baby than any kissing between my partner and i again i ask you to rethink what you're doing and if you are not capable i will have to start distancing myself from the both of you until after the birth of your child lovingly your sister last edit i live in the marshall islands and we have zero c19 and so their worry wasn't coming from fear of me baby contracting it they are paying for all medical expenses and any expenses that come with the pregnancy they just aren't paying me as a surrogate the cost for a surrogate here can vary from fifty thousand dollars and one hundred and twenty thousand dollars and it's not unusual to pay way more than that i sent that email and my lawyer who reached out to this to arrange a meeting to go through our contract discuss the current issue and to re-establish boundaries however my sister decided to come over today to discuss things before our meeting after a long talk she apologized to me and told me that her husband got in her head because he believed that if he was kissing a woman like that then surely they'd do more or plan on doing more my brother-in-law basically got into my sister's head by believing i would have s with my bf because and i quote no man can last that long without and why would a man willing choose a pregnant woman let alone one who wouldn't have s with him so of course she's having s with him their main worry was that he might have and ste and possibly transfer it to me and hurt their baby after our talk i did accept her apology but i also requested distance for a little well as it did does hurt that they would be that ungrateful and irrational to have acted so terribly towards me my sister and i normally get along very well and this is literally our first time falling out normally she is my rock and this was their first time crossing the line but i guess anxiety and fear can really make people act absolutely insane just to clarify some things the reason why my sister and bill asked me is because i had been a surrogate once before and already have two children of my own during my first surrogacy i delivered to healthy children for a chinese couple who paid me more than handsomely for the pregnancy and my milk i had never intended to carry another child after my surrogacy but i had watched my sister and bill struggle for many years and with many failed attempts at the time that they asked me for my help they had already spent at least a half million on one failed surrogacy several failed ivf attempts and fertility specialist they simply couldn't afford to try again this is why i agreed that they would pay for all medical expenses and other bills relating to the pregnancy clothing rent bills food pregnancy after care but not for my actual time our surrogacy contract is legally binding and enforceable if i deviate from our agreed terms in terms of a fine they assumed that kissing was included into the contract and believed i was in breach which is why they flipped out on me at dinner our contract is 120 pages and i guess they forgot that kissing wasn't included the no s rule was added as i was practicing celibacy at the time and i had no issue and still don't have issue with continuing it i also practiced celibacy during my last surrogacy as the chinese couple i was carrying for requested it and they were willing to pay extra for my celibacy including extra pay for regular st testing and extra pay for every day i use their pre-approved nutritional plan couples who do pay for a surrogate can ask of the surrogate during negotiations for nearly anything that is considered reasonable and or the surrogate willingly accepts lastly i'm all for pro-choice and absolutely believe in a woman's right to choose but you can't legally hear a baby at six months as it is literally available baby it is a premature baby that can live outside of the womb also what a ridiculously cruel thing to do to the baby yourself and the parents my sister is getting married in september assuming all the covered stuff is over and she made me one of her brights maids i was very excited i've never been in a wedding so this is a new experience i'm also super happy for my sister her fiance is the perfect man for her and i'm so happy they're happy she went bridesmaid dress shopping she picked out these super pretty ones kind of pinkish red and ruffles at the top so we get the dresses and i try mine on i loved it it wasn't too hot and it was just the right height so i can get away with wearing flats me and the other bridesmaids one of our cousins and my sister's future sister-in-law slash best friend try them on and walk out to show my sister my sister looks at me and her face just freezes i asked her if she didn't like it but she just didn't respond she asked if she could talk to me in the other room and i say sure we walk into her bathroom and she just kinda looks at me and says then goes up your boobs look huge which kinda stunned me for a moment i kinda laughed it off because i have big breasts i wear a 34dd so i don't know what she was expecting i asked what do you want me to do about it and she sighs again op you can't wear that to my wedding i say okay so we can return these dresses and pick out some other ones if you don't like these she kind of shakes her head and goes no that's not what i meant i'm confused by now she goes i like the dress just not you in it by then i'm like what the duck do you mean and this bee goes i don't want any attention straying away from me and my fiance i'm sorry but you can't be my bridesmaid i'm angry now so the problem is that i look great in the dress and she just kind of sheepishly nods i storm out of the bathroom and head to the room where i changed and got back into my regular clothes i walk out and my sister's bridesmaids are asking me what happened and i just throw the dress at my sister and tell the bridesmaids that sister thinks i look back quote too good in my dress and she's worried that it'll take the attention away from her i walk out and go and sit on the curb to wait for my stepmom to pick me up i can't drive i'm 14 my stepmom picks me up and i go home to cry because i was really looking forward to being by my sister's side while she gets married and i'm also very hurt apparently my sister and her remaining bridesmaids talked after and my sister told them about our conversation my cousin and my sister's best friend take my side and now they say they won't be a bridesmaid until sister apologizes and lets me be in the wedding again my sister texted me and said that i've ruined her wedding i don't know what to do ayta edit please stop asking about my mom she died about five years ago in a car accident the women i was talking about picking me up was my stepmother she's a very nice lady and i call her mom sometimes she's been there for me since i was 10 she filled the gap left by my actual mom closed bracket my sister and i live in the same city but our parents moved to another country for retirement they flew us out for their anniversary our parents buy all of us tickets on the same flight my sister has two kids a six month old and a five-year-old she is currently separated from her husband so she would have to handle two children by herself on a 10-hour flight or so i thought she calls me up a week or so beforehand and asks me if i will be willing to help her take care of her kids on the flight and something about taking shifts so we can both sleep i tell her that i wasn't comfortable with that but she says nephew loves you so much so we can work something out on the flight and hangs up i was pissed i didn't sign up for mid-flight babysitting i called my airline office and asked if they had any business class seats available they said yes and i upgraded using a mix of points plus money the upgrade cost me fifty dollars out of pocket the rest covered by my frequent flyer miles and it was money well spent to be able to sleep i get to the airport check in and wait around for my sister to show up she does and i eventually tell her that i upgraded she didn't seem too happy she still sends me little screenshots of how important family is and how we should care about them i mean the only reason why i upgraded was because she expected me to babysit and i didn't give her a heads up and for everyone that said i didn't tell her i didn't want to do it i did i did tell her over that phone call i didn't want to do it she does have a history of dumping her kids with me and i didn't want to spend 10 hours on the plane with them only to spend another week with them in a foreign country where i did babysit them while she went sightseeing for me time so my wife 32 female and i 36 male have been married 10 years we have three young kids my wife is a very intelligent woman with a bachelor's and master's degree she left her job after the birth of our first kid in order to be a stay-at-home mother it was a joint decision and ultimately the arrangement has worked brilliantly for us we both find that our lives are more organized and less stressed since she left her job our house is amazingly neat all the time we always have nice sit-down dinners as a family and our kids benefit from having the mother around so often we are very fortunate that i make enough so she doesn't have to worry about working or bringing in money on top of all that my wife still works for her employer on a contract slash per diem basis so she can have some mental stimulation and keep her skills sharp my sister 40 female is a single mom who works at a grocery store as a cashier and has three kids as well she leaves her kids with us sometimes when she can't find slash afford a babysitter my wife is usually the one to take care of all six kids yesterday after my sister picked up her kids from my house i noticed my wife seemed a bit sad i asked her what was wrong and she said my sister made a remark about how easy she has it being rsahn my sister said to her i don't get how someone as smart as you can bear it don't you feel like you're wasting your potential sometimes my wife said she made her feel lazy and spoiled i assured her she's not lazy after all she is the one who works 24 over 7 at least i know when i'm finished working i had a talk with my sister afterwards for some reason she got really defensive and doubled down she said i don't deny my wife does a lot but admit it she's basically your trophy wife i got pretty upset and told her if she looks down on my wife so much then she shouldn't bother bringing her kids over for my wife to babysit anymore my sister was mad and said she has to work in a few days i told her she can find a babysitter or call in sick a to here afterwards i felt like what i said was pretty harsh but at the same time my sister has no business criticizing my wife while also taking advantage of her as a free babysitter for her kids so we are a blended family my dad married her mom last year we are cool with each other we get along and don't have problems her dad is very rich though and he buys all sorts of things for her clothes mac loops electronics and anything else that she needs she'll have a brand new car soon as well here's the thing dad and stepmom are not only worried that i'm jealous over these things but they want me to be they keep telling me that it's awful that she has them and she shouldn't when i don't and it's okay for me to be jealous or even resentful i'm not jealous or resentful at all my take is that i'm already very privileged i have a dad and stepmom who generally care about me i live in a safe home in a developed country with good future prospects i have an appropriate level of material goods given my age i'm not hungry i'm healthy and able-bodied i happen to look a certain way that means i won't face racism where i live i have already won the birth lottery since all the kids my age who live in poverty or are in abusive homes dream about my life i already have a lot more than i'm entitled to my stepsister having more stuff than me doesn't make me forget how lucky i am and i'm not an entitled brat either my parents tell me that in the same house kids should live in a similar way they want me to voice this opinion to her so that she tells her dad to roll back on the stuff that he gives her i honestly don't care that she has those things that i don't she doesn't deserve to have her things taken away or be made guilty about them she's lucky enough to be in the top one percent of the most privileged kids her age worldwide i'm also lucky to be in the top five percent so how do i get this point across that they shouldn't expect me to be resentful or jealous and for them to stop trying to make her feel guilty over this [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Id: -_wFjrnxaWU

Length: 18min 36sec (1116 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 19 2020