My Girlfriend uncomfortable with my wife's ashes

married high school sweetheart at age 25 she died in a car accident five years later we loved to travel and so i had her ashes made into a diamond to take her with me on my adventures her ashes along with both of our wedding rings are on a chain i carry in my pocket on my adventures helps me feel close to her i will always love and miss her but i know she would want me to be happy and find love i've been dating new girl for over a year i dated a bit a couple years after wife's death but never found love until new girl m m is great and has been so supportive and understanding of my late wife she knows about the chain and never said it bothered her though she never knew the stone was my wife's ashes i used to keep the chain on my bed post but thought it would be disrespectful to him so it's now safe in a draw i still take it with me on travels em and i have talked about moving in together when our lease ends in two months i'm ecstatic for this i want to spend my life with her yesterday i was packing for a solo weekend trip to the east coast as she was over when i packed the chain and asked me what the other ring was not x's or my wedding rings i explained that i had x's ashes pressed into a stone and she flipped couldn't believe i had lied to her for a year and said what i had done was creepy and weird gave me an ultimatum get rid of the stone i can keep our rings on the chain just not the ashes or she will not move in with me i asked if i could put the stone in a way in a draw but she said no it had to go she refuses to spend another night with my wife in the house and said it's her or me please help read it i don't know what to do i don't want to lose this girl but i also don't want to give up respect for the woman i once loved my ex was not close to her parents so i cannot give it to them i can't just throw it away i'm at a loss cancelled my weekend trip i just want to make things work with them edit i keep thinking to myself that making this stone was totally crazy m told me that no girl would ever be comfortable with it and that if i keep the stone i will be living a lonely miserable life women or men would this be a deal breaker to you am i insane update whoa this totally blew up on me i had no idea my story would get such a response i was hoping for a comment or two but this is crazy this morning i took the time to read what all of you wrote and i'm hoping that em will settle for a safety deposit box or leaving it at my mom's she's never had somebody she cares about pass away and i think the thought of my wife's remains being in my house freaked her out she's coming over tonight to talk i will try to update you all soon thanks again for all the support and helping me to know that what i did with my wife's remains wasn't that insane we met up on saturday there was a lot of dialogue between us but i'm going to try to keep it short and paraphrase what we said i know many of you said to give them time to cool off but i just couldn't spend my whole weekend knowing she was unhappy i invited her over for dinner and spent the day cooking her favorite meal i took the ring over to my mom's house because i know it being in the house made her uncomfortable and bought her some flowers i really wanted to show her that she has no competition that i love her when she comes over the first thing she says is is it still in the house when i assure her it's not she comes in and sits down i start by apologizing explaining that i never meant to lie to her or hurt her but that i now realize i was lying by a mission and it wasn't fair to her i apologized again and said i hope she didn't lose all the trust she had in me i then told her how much i love her i explained how much she means to me and how easily i could see myself spending my life with her i go on and on about how happy she makes me blah blah blah she likes all this love a slash apologetic talk and is smiling and holding my hand telling me it's okay and that she loves me too i then say it's time to talk about the ring and she changes right before my eyes she lets go of my hand and her happy face is replaced by one of anger she said something along the lines of i thought you got rid of it and i told her that i never said that i simply said it wasn't currently in the house she got angry but i asked her to listen to me before she said anything i explained that when my wife died i didn't have the heart to bury her and having her remains around felt odd to me so the ring seemed like the best option at this point she's crying with her face in her hands i ask if she would be okay with me keeping it at my mom's place or in a safety deposit box she's silent then cries why couldn't you just bury her like a normal person now i'm crying and i say that i'm sorry that i respect my wife's memory but i wish it didn't disrupt our relationship because i love you m anyway we cried she said that she wishes the ring didn't bug her as much as it does but that she's just not sure if she can be with me she says making your wife ring isn't what normal people do and it's making her question about my character i asked her what she wants me to do with the ring what her idea of get rid of it is hoping we could compromise she said she doesn't know what i should do with it she just wish it never existed she said she loves me but she's just not sure about the relationship anymore told me she needs to think on it left without even eating her dinner call an open bracket i haven't heard from her since i'm not quite sure what to do or what we are at this point we have stuff at each other's places and both have keys i love this girl and i don't want to easily give up on us but i'm hesitant to reach out to her again i'm thinking of giving it some time and hoping she reaches out to me i don't know the thought of losing him breaks my heart edit i want to add that i really don't think this is about being insecure or jealous of my wife i really think i'm as freaked out by the fact that i had my wife cremated and turned into a stone i think even if i had her in an em would still be freaked out m hasn't had any experience with death but i think she was raised with the idea that when somebody dies they go into the ground the fact that my wife isn't buried somewhere freaks her out last night i came home from work to find a framed photo from my wedding hanging on the wall with the chain dangling around it there was also a five-page note from him on the coffee table i'm not going to type the whole note because a lot of it was very personal to him however i will say that there was a lot of apologizing on her part she told me that she thought a lot about the ring and even did some googling and realized that it's not all that uncommon she said she was completely embarrassed by her reaction and that she was uncomfortable with the thought of being around anybody's remains she called herself disrespectful childish and pathetic colon open bracket m also said that what i did was a beautiful thing and shows what a sensitive and loving man i am that she wants to be with me more than anything and doesn't want to change a thing about our tradition taking the ring traveling she told me she now sees that it's a lovely idea and said my wife was lucky to have me and my family that she as well is lucky to now be a part of my in my family's life she concluded saying that she felt as though we had a good connection and handled conflict well she said she hopes that i know her well enough to know that this isn't the way she typically reacts i do she also told me she was going to get therapy as she is worried about what will happen once somebody she knows dies the last part of her note said that she left a surprise in my fridge a six-pack of my favorite beer and that she'd love to enjoy them with me if i'll have her she told me to take all the time i need before calling her and that she hopes someday i'll forgive her for her actions i called her immediately we talked and she pretty much repeated what she said in her note i repeated what i said at dinner that she is my number one and that i'm so sorry for lying about the ring we have plans to see each other tomorrow night i love the photo of me and my wife i don't have many photos of us and none that are framed the chain looks perfect around it and it's a nice little memorial to have in my home i love the idea of starting a new home with them while still having my wife's memory be a part of it i know this is not what many of you wanted to read you wanted me to kick him to the curb however i think that a year of good actions make up for one bad action her apology was genuine and i really do feel as though this won't happen again if she tries to control something like this again and i can't resolve it i guess i know where to post i can't thank you all enough i've been with my boyfriend 25 for three years we both just finished school and are finally ready for marriage he proposed last week and i happily said yes i could not be happier i love him and he is going to be an awesome dad someday but my bf is very new school and my dad is kind of old school my dad was beyond mad that my boyfriend did not ask my dad for my hand before proposing my dad said he was willing to hear my boyfriend's apology if my boyfriend formally asks for my hand at a dinner that my dad said he will pay for at the restaurant of my boyfriend's choosing my dad feels like he is being very accommodating he will bring my boyfriend's favorite wine to celebrate i spoke to my boyfriend last night and he won't budge he doesn't believe in that tradition my boyfriend showed me an article online where a pakistani woman was stoned to death outside a courthouse because she married a man against her family's wishes this just happened my boyfriend who witnessed his father be abusive possessive with his mom as a child has always felt strongly that women are not property he thinks the tradition of asking for her hat is repulsive his point is that he's met my whole family and gotten to know them he says they have always known his intentions and he never made it secret that he was in love with me and wanted to marry me and have children he feels he was done enough to announce his intentions and all of them seemed to approve of him he says that at this point he only needs my approval to marry him and nobody else's so yesterday my mom told me that my dad who is not even speaking to me because i won't set my foot down with my boyfriend is calling the whole family and telling them to not attend my wedding my mom says that my boyfriend is the one treating me like property by not letting me have a say in his decision to not observe a tradition that my two older sisters husbands observed i told my mother that i understand where my boyfriend is coming from and that i have decided to do away with the tradition of him asking for my hand so my mother is obviously mad and said that i should be ready for serious consequences i asked her what and she would not say but from talking to my sister she said that they would blackball us from all family gatherings my two sisters and my mom have told me my boyfriend is being selfish the wedding is set for august 9th i'm worried that nobody in my family will attend my wedding the wedding went on as planned my parents stuck to their guns and boycotted one of my two sisters attended and is now happily blacklisted from our family nobody else from my entire family showed up including my two brothers the wedding was a little unconventional my sister walked my husband down the aisle and then his sister walked me down the aisle i wanted this because my son actually introduced us and helped me get my first date with him there was no question about who gives away the bride or even about objections it was normal other than that there has been no contact between me and my family other than my one sister my mother has made it a point to send me a card every time that they have a family gathering for holidays or birthdays at their house to let me know that my father says i'm not invited i get one almost every month i don't even read them anymore i just toss them i don't why they keep sending them because i've made no effort to contact them and i live over three hours away so it's not like i will run into them by accident the reason i came back to post this here is because some people here made a prediction that came true that they would come crawling back when we had children i'm now expecting our first child a girl she will be the first grandchild for my parents my parents found out about the pregnancy a few months ago through a family friend they didn't waste any time in making demands not requests demands my boyfriend and i are not religious but i had a catholic upbringing i don't practice at all by choice my mother called me back in april telling me that my father wanted our daughter's middle name to be his mother's first name i said no my father was listening in on speaker so i went ahead and told them that they were officially uninvited from all birthdays graduations and any other important dates in her life my father called me half an hour later crying and begging me to come stay with them for the birth so my mother could care for me i said no he also said that he had already made arrangements for his priest could baptize her at his church but that i needed to agree to naming her after his mother if i wanted this to happen he said he'd already planned a big celebration for the birth and the baptism that he was paying for i said no to all of it he went from meekly trying to sweet talk me to raising his voice at me and i hung up he called a couple of more times to apologize for losing his temper and again begged me to reconsider giving birth at a hospital near them so they could visit us he denied having any knowledge of my mother sending me cards to uninvite us to any family functions and even said that he specifically asked her to invite us but he was told i declined every time he lets my mom do the dirty work so he can later hide behind her and deny he had any knowledge he's done this since i was a little girl he does this every time he wants to drop the hammer on somebody but be the good cop also he'll never change he denied having any knowledge of why anybody in the family missed my wedding i told him our daughter would not be baptized or catholic at all no offense to catholics i told him he was too manipulative and controlling and i didn't want my daughter exposed to that he's too toxic and just venomous coincidentally the day and for several days after that phone call i got tons of calls and emails from my brothers their wives my sister and all my aunts they all wanted to apologize for missing my wedding and all had specific excuses and wanted to make plans to be there for my daughter's birth i banged them all from her life until she's old enough to decide for herself to let them in my husband was a little surprised and not sure about banning everybody forever he's more leaning towards supervised visits if they want to drive to us my dad has been calling him like crazy but we are a united front my husband is deferring to me but giving me ideas as to how i can give a little if i decide to but with my family there's no giving a little they want it all for now they're all banned i will reconsider when the youngest of our children turns 18. for now my dad will have to settle for sucking up to my husband while i stick to my guns unlike him i don't mind owning my decisions even if it means i'm bad cop i'm not ready to give up a relatively drama-free stress-free life to allow my dad and all his sheep back into our lives [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 13,991

Rating: 4.940043 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit wedding, reddit sister, reddit family, reddit, r/ askreddit, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/ sister, r/ family, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit wedding, askreddit sil, askreddit sister, askreddit family, askreddit, reddit secrets

Id: C1SOrKIbZFs

Length: 16min 45sec (1005 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 06 2020