Mulan is incredible... GOTCHA!

[Music] welcome to gotcha the internet show which takes an in-depth look at classic movies examining these cinematic masterpieces and their influence on the art of filmmaking gotcha that's a lie we just talk about movies that promise you a good time while delivering the cinematic equivalent of a dumpster fire today we're taking a look at 1998's mulan an incredible piece of classic 2d animation gotcha we're talking about the shitty live action version strap in folks this one is a real horror show [Music] warning the following audio visual content contains major spoilers warning subscribe to vito or cherish on the plane now we all know the story of mulan a simple village girl who risks everything by disguising herself as a man and taking her father's place in the army she quickly learns that her true strength is not physical prowess but rather her ability to outwit her enemies and the live-action version is very much the same gotcha mulan is now a superhero the movie is not about coming up with clever plans to defeat the enemy the movie is about watching mulan do flips look at all them flips so many so many cool flips what a great movie well thankfully disney learned a lot from the star wars sequel trilogy and the many critiques of rey's unexplained abilities which is why this movie actually explains how mulan gets her powers gotcha they don't do that at all apparently mulan just has a lot of chi which i guess is the chinese version of the force so basically disney just gave us ray skywalker again everybody's favorite character and now she's asian isn't that great wonderful okay so the character has some issues but at least all those classic disney songs are back gotcha there's no music none of it not even that kick-ass donny osmond song let's get down to business how we don't even get the freaking jackie chan version oh god this sucks but what is good is that they looked at the original movie which has a lot of fun quick energy and this movie is pretty much the same gotcha every scene lasts [ __ ] forever why do you gotta stretch this stupid movie out to two freaking hours in the original movie it takes mulan about 15 seconds to grab her father's sword in this movie it takes two of the most boring [ __ ] minutes of my life we gotta watch her take the sword down she looks at the sword she swings it around nobody cares about the frickin sword just get on with the movie well at least they got eddie murphy back it's the funny little dragon god you're the dragon's not in the movie apparently chinese people do not like it when you make fun of dragons do chinese people know dragons aren't real like they know that right okay no dragons but at least they brought back the fun little cricket gotcha the cricket is now a fat guy named cricket why why on earth okay no dragon no cricket but at least they brought back the captain character he's one of the best characters from the original it is great to have him back gotcha the captain's not even in the movie are you [ __ ] kidding me why well and i wish this was a joke but it's not a joke apparently the me too movement illustrated that it would be an improper power dynamic for a captain to fall in love with one of his recruits i wish i was making that up i can't ah god okay fine you took half the good characters out of the movie but at least you replaced them with some exciting new characters gotcha the only new character is a witch for some reason and i guess she shows mulan what happens if you use the force for evil or something then she dies and you feel nothing she is a terrible character oh also donnie yen's in the movie and he tells mulan to use the force more than she's already using it good now one of the best things you can do in a war movie is kill off a character early on this is something that really sells the idea that this is a real conflict with real consequences so i'm sure this movie which is supposed to be a realistic take on mulan will definitely kill off one of the good guys gotcha nobody dies in the movie the only people who die are the bad guys you could have killed any one of her buddies you could have killed donnie yen but instead we have a bloodless war where nobody dies except for random grunts good work scriptwriters i feel nothing there's no consequences whatever at least the battles are cool you get to see mulan and she's battling alongside her fellow soldiers working as a united fighting force gotcha mulan does everything by herself no help from anybody this is a war movie where one woman defeats the entire opposing army by herself if you're a man in this movie you are not allowed to do anything you get one hallway fight and that's it nothing else okay so the battles are stupid at least it's got the classic mulan humor gotcha there's no jokes all the jokes are bad [Music] i mean i guess you do get that fun scene where all the guys cross-dress sneak into the castle double gotcha no you're not allowed to have that scene anymore if you do that seeing bruce jenner comes to your house and yells at you what the hell are you guys doing no more fun all fun is canceled forever okay well there is one really cool battle the two armies they face off it's it's a huge epic duel gotcha this is a coke commercial it's probably got higher production value than the stupid mulan movie though [Music] alright so milan gets exposed as a woman she gets kicked out of the army but then she finds out the bad guys are going to the capitol so she comes back and tells the captain now i'm sure this guy who kicked her out and threatened to execute her if she came back probably doesn't trust her all that much gotcha not only does he change his mind but he has her lead the charge into the city you will lead us as we ride to the imperial city why is she at the front you went from hating this woman to making her the glorious leader of the entire freaking army this script is insane now the whole movie you keep seeing this dumb phoenix thing just flying around i i don't know why i it seems pointless but at least it helps out in the final battle it gives mulan its phoenix power gotcha it does nothing it exists only so they can do that one shot from game of thrones why is there a phoenix in the movie it doesn't do anything is it a chinese thing chinese people if this makes sense to you please leave a comment i don't get it anyway at least the final battle it's really good it's just classic martial arts action there's no stupid nonsense gotcha she kick flips a [ __ ] arrow are you kidding me that's how she beats the bad guy this is the stupidest goddamn whatever man i'm so done with this movie okay so mulan wins the she wins the whole war and now we're gonna have that classic disney ending the girl falls in love they have a little kiss gotcha no the chinese test audience said mulan isn't allowed to fall in love no kisses they touch hands like freaking psychopaths and then we never see the sky again love is dead just sit in your house watching shitty disney movies and wait to die wonderful okay so mulan goes home she hugs her dad everything's great and the movie ends we get the credits it's the credits right nothing bad can happen in the credits gotcha they thank the turpon security bureau what is that you ask well they're the guys in charge of running china's concentration camps what the [ __ ] [ __ ] apparently they shot the movie in the same part of china where all the concentration camps are are you [ __ ] kidding me what the [ __ ] is this movie so whatever we've got this depressingly stupid movie about a chinese superwoman who gets all her powers from ancient chinese wizard magic a movie which forever ruins the legacy of the original which was a brilliant piece of classic 2d animation the likes of which may never be seen again because it is more profitable to churn out this garbage but hey at least disney's happy because they made a fortune by sucking off the lucrative chinese market gotcha the movie is a [ __ ] failure that's what you get stop making movies for communists i don't care how much money they have you are an american media company stop dumbing down cinema by making films exclusively for the same morons who made transformers age of extinction the number one movie in chinese box office history and look chinese people i'm sure you're all very nice but you have terrible taste in movies just awful you made geostorm a hit you are the only people on this earth who liked geostorm what is wrong with you anyway the point is i loved mulan i'm going to give it a 10 out of 10 just a fantastic family movie gotcha this movie makes me want to jump off a [ __ ] bridge whoever made this movie should be dragged into the street and shot disney stop making trash i beg of you just stop oh i need to lie down [Music] what a movie what a wonderful popcorn classic that mulan is well ladies and gentlemen i hope you enjoyed gotcha and if you did don't forget to hit like don't forget to hit subscribe it helps me out more than you could know and if you'd like to see the uncensored version of that video or if you'd like to see more gotcha in general head on over to patreon.com the veto show it's the support of patrons like you patrons patreons i don't know what you call you but your support is what makes my channel happen it's what keeps the dream going america stay safe in 2020 take care of yourself and do not pay thirty dollars to rent mulan just don't i'm sure it'll be on disney plus in about a week nobody's buying a 30 ticket of this crap it is oh what a what a bad movie disney what are you doing come on [Music]

Channel: Vito

Views: 99,975

Rating: 4.9338398 out of 5

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Id: BfygsYajMVo

Length: 11min 6sec (666 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 06 2020