MST3k 411 - The Magic Sword

the future next Sunday ad there was a guy named Joel nothing different from you or me is Moloch institute just another face in Red Jumpsuit we did a good job cleaning up the place buzzer - I miss we can watch them all mallanna sir is my my control for him because he used those special ones robot legal services and other science facts it's just the show ow okay gypsy isn't it okay where are you from oh right here and what do you do for a living who you program me off on some of the higher funding and who does your hair gypsy I think that's great okay uh-huh you live around here much I'm kidding of course architecture everybody welcome to the satellite of love a lot of you are probably asking yourselves right now what kind of a weird trip doubt scene as Joel into this week well oh oh sorry I get this this week Joel fancies himself a character tryst right now he's doing gypsy for those of you who don't know characteristic artist who makes anyone he draws look like Jack Sue Oh kid the only problem is how chip sees nude hey you guys are nude - you know what wait he's right oh my god whoa what do you think well well at least I can draw you can button the way I've always wanted to without a stitch on online welcome well what do you think it's really not that good I look like Derek Utley with a cream pitcher which tan his skull well well yours just pretty good isn't it Tom yeah right wouldn't pick up my worst enemies dog droppings with this piece of crap oh oh but I'm sure you'll get better head dad dum dum and stinky pants are calling there dum dum and stinky pants where do they come up with this stuff oh I love that little red guy oh look at me I'm the little red robot and I can't move my arms Frank why don't you ask them to do their invention exchange okay look I love to laugh and we're having fun but please can we get to the invention exchange stinky pants well sirs our invention exchange this week is based on those beer can caddy hats at shirtless obnoxious guys wear a baseball game yeah only ours are built for whisper ten musky bohemian types yeah they're called big golf berets as you can see they've got caddies on the side to hold your favorite ice-cold eviant or Volvic or any other criminally priced spring water now when you go see the bloody unicorn puppet theatres production of marat/sade you can still have your hands-free to scribble poetry or dab on patchouli oil and at the dank uptown cast party afterwards when the check comes it frees up your hands to discover ah I must have left my money in my other pants could you spot me tonight what do you think sirs very amusing Joel but I don't cotton to those long-haired artsy types now little scamp's begged me to do the invention exchange okay sirs please do the invention exchange no well okay as a scientist I am constantly working with materials that threaten life on a global scale and sometimes they spill enter these poly sorbent biohazard cleanup pillows once used only for industry well we brought them into the home with our new designer biohazard throw pillows now Frank has prepared a little one-act play to explain their efficacy well enough Charles in charge I'd better get to work on that hearty new strain of dysentery I've been mutating oh no not again well the doctor foresters decorator biohazard cleanup pillows I'm saved dr. Clayton Forrester I love you well Jimmy Smits your movie today is roasted fresh from the kitchens of Bert I Gordon it's a fetid little piece of tripe featuring sword-and-sorcery and Gary Lockwood and an embarrassed Basil Rathbone it's called the magic sword doctor I think I sucked up some of that hazardous stuff oh don't be a baby I've taken gallons of that stuff and it's only made me stronger and taller but I don't feel good what are you gonna do now cry huh you're gonna cry baby huh say burn a Gordon's gone color move can slice it tomato salt then you can see through basil rathbone with pesto please it says give her a higher love even then she was really old oh you know I love Dean Martin in those old Anne Hale movies don't you Oh bleep all its Matt Matt homo Merritt stone that's my bird stone it was Callahan Marian Callahan yes she was that one litter that Nick Paul and John bond Tempe he's a woman who hangs out with hags ahead hang it's a thing doesn't oh we're in big trouble guys story we are in really big trouble music made under strict rabbinical supervision and trainer they're kidding us right this isn't the movie it's a Employment Program and that would take all you girl wouldn't it clean up in wardrobe but call me Esther cramps oh we are in deep deep trouble guys and yes you can be too thin Wow yep ten hours ago oh that's so creative she has a little cafe down but good advice socially if I can't help my own boy answer me someone writing mcdowell no not fooling me I know the wedgie is is that the magic rule again for you he is in love you think I don't know it I've tried to kill him of it am I losing my skill as a sorceress come on no no civil now that's common I work laughter whew let's snakebites chilblains carbuncles pinkeye hangnail Oman happy memories yes yes civil hmm then why can't I read the boy of this this fever you're just a man you hired to brownie office for hanging around human yes but hardly a man he's a mere boy of 20 in love you guys really bug me George already am an innard we ought to be at home learning a good trade like computer science refrigeration gun repair now is that PJ repair school of magic what obey my wish bring her vision into my sight that's right that's right my answer unclear ask again later at the palace hey did the anther cking down for you and for me perhaps the throne Calgon take me away it's King Grady not another Jane Fonda video Emma Jean Kong Cano Imogene Coca yes talk about your show shows I hate it when the Heidi's stripper grams from my birthday don't try to play the sunken garden the pellets by the Oriental pool huh Brooke first we clean it a little bit about somebody fly that's right there she is oh I get it he's got cable it's Fanny Fox little Maxfield Parrish pit bull that's right it's Fanny Fox in the Maxfield Parrish paintings both jokes can work together let's watch on okay hey mom hey man watch me my my tree watches Gidget goes to the Renaissance Festival I hope the Cole watch precise editing huh no I'm just as furious as ever I am furious yellow TV enough to you to talk you can do whatever you please fall in love fall out of it again Squire one day of stable boy the next I get the point all right is there enough Tower I can't even speak to a man let alone have them look at me the penalty of being a princess but even a printer should be allowed romance you even tell girls get the beans how will I ever meet him who my lady when I could love I think that's a natural color she's been hitting the dye pods Sara but you're gone I'll dress myself well then what will you do Oh what I always do sit here and dream sit there and drink dream printer Henning your lights are on why he just came to freak you out baby how do you want this doesn't do anything for you come on I'm a go away Marcia Wallace Oh coming closer no princess I'm going to take Carol she started there on the side of the head there mm flushes check this up open the pod bay doors Hal look because it's funny that here is a scary flashing thing that Ohio even shut George and dwara I must leave here she's in danger woman never weld you talking about [ __ ] Helene I loved her from the first moment I saw a reflection in the water and you call it love you village now last week was a deck of cards let me see what you're talking about magic nila show me watches upset my boy adolescence puberty raging hormones princess is gone your majesty she's not in her quarters not in the garden up by the pool yet no one saw her leave the palace well she works late under history Osric not happen he have done that my liege until she is found no one will be permitted in or out of the power he's wearing fighting a lion you just walk into the room without a big to-do hmm he bled Sherlock Holmes that one who is this we found him skulking within the eastern posture in my liege I wasn't skulking I was hanging around to make him speak no not a solo never serene Majesty you can call off the search the princess your daughter is my castle under maken-ki and as long as she said hey ro doc so sure no the pre-emergent tank makes of course is a sorcerer low deck you see my daughter is at your castle but why how have I hurt you why have you done this thing the answer is very simple your father executed my sister for witchcraft when she was only 18 years old a man waited until your daughter reached that age so that my dragon could redish the flesh of a princess oh wow I beseech you this each nothing have you see to this you have this worm-eaten sorcerer frighten us be careful Brandon not high low deck near a cheer ice we'll find your castle free the princess and see you destroyed Oh while balancing an egg and a spoon find you my castle there's no great task a MC Lyte once ornate lebesgue we simply follow the yellow star north but trick is how to get there alive I shall I'm afraid not here at Comedy Central Shasta we have left a feather he's got a reverb pedal you ain't woman enough to take my man your cursors won't stop me from reaching for all seasons here the princess urbane will make a delicate dish for my dragon I'm serving her over rice with Japanese a stock and now if you'll excuse me oh wait was that Saturday's starting now or is it seven days step never more never well suppose that could have gone better mr. Branton my daughter will die no sire I will rescue her you risk the seven curses I look at Carlos 70 the man who saves her Lane will have her hand in marriage and how Mike looks like Ronald McDonald mater how much pasta now oh no it is I who must say the princess back sir Branton this is the day's you think I'd let you face low deck sorceress you don't have your learner's permit 300 years ago my father and brother were devoured by load X dragon not this story again great soldiers in their own right I remember it against 200 years ago I am no match below deck I confess it I had as much as I hate him that means I just stick you late you stay right here at home where you are safe you're grounded anything you want but you're staying here all I want is my freedom so I can say the girl I love all I want is what's coming to me but you would understand that not being mortal oh that have tried to do my best oh I know you have civil thank you call me mother oh is it mother today sorry you were only a week old when your royal parents died from the plague that's what I found you reared you as my own son must have the answers written on his hand kind and loving and I'd do anything for you if I can't stay here with you anymore it's weird I'm not a child I'm 20 and I love Hill Lane talk to me of love when you're 420 well you're human 20 is old enough to feel love and misery I'd give me my freedom okay but it's not wrapped they you've been very difficult tonight Oh boys will be boys in the heart we will have to cheer you up what's matter now I'm gonna have a big bowl of quiz hmm get that lady a saucer millions at trick again our kin does he have a cotton panel in those briefs oh don't you know me you like this before look if you'll cheer up forget about that girl in blue deck I'll let you see the presents I've chosen for you when you're 21 a new copies hmm what sort of presents mother come on oh you tell Alexander ragtime band I'll show you packed with peanuts are still really satisfies oh yes but above all up again why do you seek the living among the dead Carol Merrill was behind that curtain like oh it's a new horse huh you like him jeez any kid would he swells magnificent he's yells when you're 21 his name is they odd he's no ordinary animal he's your father magic this is the fastest horse in all the world oh sure and he can all be yours if the price is right take the door a candy stripers all for thanks mom even you're ready when you ride you see your sisters does this armor possess magic too no weapon can pierce it what about a knife and this is asked along the blade none like it since the world began it defies all sorts exactly in Scituate legend overcome bad touch the blade so they're all yours when you were 20 well if the price is right you come after low deck to my revenge as well as your own with the help of their magic I could save the princess now yeah you know that old enough you wouldn't know how to use them no don't touch it don't even look at it just to get the feeling please just for a while ha very well hmm feels like a part of my own body so it's like your arm no stronger well comfortable dry secure now come along it pleases me to show you something else tonight boss it's a hank aaron model who are they we're Village People valiant Knights in the world that's him officer third from the left real black magic wish I could take the credit Rhodri I've never been as good as that no it was my brother you guys are on all the stuff is in my room and I never noticed it before just great now I can be the prep cook I always wanted to be ooh now I've done it sorry mom did this or do that sure Jethro run touch of the blade and it opens and shuts those doors walls and fortresses and it snaefells caps off jugs bottles and jars you say Oh for hell what's down there try not haven't been down there in centuries used to be my brother's safe-deposit box for the spells and childless magic ritual of maleic one Falls magazines in my high-school yearbook is there any other way out if the crack were closed again well there's the kitchen door how'd you work at it a cousin of mine took 80 years to will not a spell they blew the roof off but look it's got more stories about a relatives of Gabe Kaplan yeah I'm not afraid you go first mother mm-hmm hates before beauty I guess whoa I didn't wanna see that's one singular sensation sike my toe goodbye mother told you about my Casa I'll come back and let you out after I've rescued the princess away but I'll be hungry by then with a magic armor magic sword magic and my refrigeration certificate propensity vote egg taffeta hey basil rathbone that gives me an idea remember those Donkey Kong's yeah absolutely yeah you know you get out of your dog what you put into it tatran your eyes and I only put in the best basil rathbone both Kiko BuChE BuChE boy wait for it wait for it good you know a top trained dog like this one it's a lot like any of us people you know we all need affection occasional grooming and lots and lots and snacks and talk Cisco nuts for the rich taste of Basil Rathbone one Rathbone a day will clean doggies teeth and freshen doggy breath and they're packed with bits of Nigel Bruce hey these are too good to be good for you three Tom servo shoes good doggies hey so wrap and pesto flavor be the rat bones for the pretentious dog yes it's a Liam entry my dear Robinson to love basil Rathbones oho my dog is the good of the singular of the Odeon she could do doggies we bring your tennis balls your majesty whoops de firma majesty these nights that I have come to serve you in your hour of need that's very kind but we're not hiring right now I am Sir George a knight by virtue of 400 years of noble lineage and a degree from Cardinal Stritch College these are my comrades in arms sir Tennyson right papa Majesty said oh no no who's gonna have really bad hat huh so I wake of Germany mine Caixa he come to serve the voice appalled friendliness you told him David Yahoo Harry Shearer Pedro got an observatory on his hair you know your majesty Sir James of Scott our Hut's grieve for you and your sorrow your majesty and last Terry the sensitive antiviral we pledged our lives for your service enter the princess Helene until she's safe he's why does he the knight from the Bronx is for the king we are grateful for your offer I'm sure that you can be of immeasurable service to His Majesty while I'm away now it resumes on the final oh you know who I am have we met that's our whole line did the field not in the field and they also know you wish to marry the princess Helene quite true you're all welcome to stay and dance at my wedding yeah me and what are many thanks no but I prefer to dance at my own well we're getting into a weird area here don't try to solve them until we've rescued the princess away we what do you mean we king of sabe Monsieur try to understand we are all sworn to save some job beautiful lady hey Joker a bright young French friend is trying to say is what does the Frenchman mean only that I love her and I intend to marry her okay with that hey do you know the perils of the dark journey we do sir Branton if you don't share our enthusiasm we shall be happy to go on without you Oh Your Majesty about your permission to give this stripling a lesson in the use of arms permission to cut him in half sir I shall not draw I shall paint except in behalf of princess Helene well color go jerk you broke my sword enough that's enough mr. Branton I like these Knights Shirley violated lower you win seven good swords Seven Swords for Seven Brothers seven curses for Seven Brothers when do we start surprise no Marc psycho I Kiba and the double hi Kiba it's raised more nights in white satin' come on you ragtag bunch of misfits whoo glad I don't have to mow that lawn for the golf course tonight on mom Court if you're really bad they throw you in the imaginary box petticoat dungeon dr. Lane we know we heard you were brought in this morning I'm from flora and this is my sister Grace this is our seventh day let's form a girl group are laughing yes surely you don't believe that about the dragon your others hearing we arrived but you're gone there's your dad everybody and your father will do something to save you his army is probably approaching a castle is very minute you recuse yourself sister we've been here for seven years you'll be on your way home by morning dad sisters there whenever such devoted sisters eraser had to literally arrange Barbie you're not going home you're going to Disneyland I've had three long dull sessions with him but nothing could persuade him to give up what I asked for I don't believe you he'd pay you anything nothing instead he sent an entire company of his bravest Knights on the dark journey the poor lads never even reached the third curse take them away they bore me can I take your stupid poster dunno I just can't be happening here just put me anybody is cruel and evil as you know I won't hear it there's a matter these spores are the first time that a princess has been fed with dragon and released around here it happens only once a week unless you get what you want what ransom are you asking for me I'm sorry but you happen to be a particular case I'm not asking any ransom for you at all and why did you bring me here my little pits would be hungry again in six days yeah emily is she's soup yet dad carries will don't turn your head away you'll miss all the fun ah he does like you some very quickly now my little Pipkin sweet boy horrible Oh bite me it's fun happened to me there bought us in a company who mine won't send an army my Wesley will come from England using you actually profile or father seemed content to let just one night undertake your rescue move don't pay me apart I'll then I talked him into it I know is this very brave man I'm sure you know him Murray's a phantom surf ramp gym rat he's a freshman types abandon Oh No a damsel in distress can't afford to pick and choose anyway don't worry neither he nor his companions what if I get here companions I thought you said sir Brandon was alone he would have been but some foolhardy young man named George insisted on coming with him of course you don't know him you don't know him he's new where is he now would you care to see him feel him touch him oh seven eight I'll show you the young fool it's pay-per-view we can only watch for two minutes before their child each one is charged the youngest civilly riding the Sorento boy that place could use some yard work it's like Cypress Gardens Florida those who are wise will turn back now okay pisces thanks Ron oh sure all right at the ready carousel horses like Mary Poppins it's an education that works look that guy hit a buck that we're back nothing there it's a K away you guys cower over here let me see this thing Teddy Ruxpin oh come looks like Gino Vannelli ouch Frank chewy drink sure sanctuary much dick that hurts look at his perm it's Ron Perlman I should this is real fur you know how hard it is to get blood out it's a salted nut log Captain's Log that's his only move accenture yeah remark all right anyone know what that is he's yours Anton stop throwing stuff at us we talked about it and we really appreciate if you'd stop throwing things that's over by the 7-eleven you take a left okay by the freeway that's a true in the hey literally and what's a very given me hmm have some pumpernickel bread with me friend stop that's no way to kill roaches no it's throne thief's take ride sure is hearty I gotta learn to lead that little guy round round around ya goofy isn't it that also Swift's the pilot so it's now alone what no no just a stupid fall across my mind I thought maybe yours is swiftly myoga we'll kill them both is odor are you quite sure these older readers space that all right every dollar move look out he's gonna lie gonna come with Twitty here hmm watch this kind of pathetic or Ganesh Ganesh gun copy just hair club from him yeah I'm gonna make him into a four he won he beat you at your own game so he did now where's my ten bucks I know he will not a chance no one has ever survived the seven kisses of low deck that was only the first now it's six curses shut up shut up really evil but he should spam mhm they buried him and still not a sign of paragon come Adele fell Franklin you make me sick how stupid he ought to pay respects when por el Rikin Pedro lay to wrist what is the matter coward but to have lifted his sword against that monster bread is no coward I mean you're praying over the monsters well to the devil himself we missed you at the burial surprise don't say it are as deep as your own but since every minute counts I thought it wiser for me to write ahead and recognizer what did you find not your horses gentlemen we're not that low now you can see for yourself yeah let's get out of here Mists of Avalon long this is a hair follicle magnified over a million times now I just think this is really pretty good for a bird i what oh yeah fabric well I get misty smoke gets in your eyes but smoke I'll for crying out loud on top of old smooth okay Hollywood hot tubs - really makes you think doughnut help well this doesn't mean that I was trying to think of something to say I mean we're supposed to be in a quest we're supposed to be best friends we haven't even talked yet no no I mean really talk oh I know about you isn't your French I mean France the big country and all that really well are we in the Renaissance no no we're in the early Middle Ages you know well take the distinction between the slave and the Freeman what about it well it's weakening ah no even if we were in the Renaissance how do we know we were in the Renaissance we go look at that not the virtual bloodbath literally uh-huh this may be a quest but it's also kind of fun it used to be enough savory Regents or Branton so fair and foul okay I'm not seeing my troll or is it a road we're on at all dogs getting thicker where's dinner at mr. Wilson's where's James and Anthony James that is rude Anthony and say it's a bit soggy well then keep with us keep quo and keep reaching for the stars presenting Anthony it's Prince spaghetti day Anthony hey love this plan over this is a hair follicle after being blow-dried Anthony look Anthony's gone okay which way are you here I'm over here in the hydrangea bush Strider bomber it's Dee Jones in the long night ha ha now I am over here drowning it specifics exactly what is here okay you just ain't get out of there quick cloning my beards coming up I don't doing over here everything okay I carry on and I guess torso's carnies been eating by piranha we have Anna's gym see you next fall it won't go for that kind of stuff play not absorb Esther never knew what he did huzzah everybody I am noble and happy King Joel and we're about to present our whimsical and charming pageant based on life in the Middle Ages crow that's Sara right sir crow of robot My yes sir crow of robot defender of the realm guardian of the flame purveyor of fine college to Her Majesty's courts in 1753 a noble wandering virtuous Knight yep in days of old when Knights were bold it's good that's really good but I'm not finished oh I think you are ah but soft behold the fair maiden high but she's a toothsome wench speak the Gypsy what love could press the from mine side speak fair gypsy what love could press the from my mind to me bummer well the great thing about gypsies hat here is this comes out and she can double as a unicorn like that it's kind of neat anyway okay places everybody it's time for my big coronation well where's Tom good my lord at your feet sound but Tom you better get your costume on we're ready for the big pageant uh this this is my costume oh you have got to be kidding these Centreville no really I'm a serf Oh y-you know an agrarian serf indentured servant sort of a low-level non camera'll troll like a poor person well you know poverty was a relative state to me and my kind in the Middle Ages gypsy you see having no chance to acquire property except you indentured servant to you can do the plague you ever bring farmland of the drug side before the Habsburg and uh oh yeah listen Tom you're taking this way too seriously okay listen Crow is just tonight gypsy is just a lady-in-waiting who doubles as a unicorn and I'm a noble good heart and happy King sure mad Ludwig I could count the good-hearted kings of you in the High Middle Ages on my inarticulate little finger you know how many despotic trumped-up monarchs there were born in a madness due to massive inbreeding to the point that schizophrenia with a silent ability now you're gonna have to wait a long time girl courtly love was a veritable spawning ground for social diseases you're better off as a unicorn they don't even exist who is the great sue fo going to give us a morality lesson yeah stick around sir cheddar clowns allow me my son right besides you know most nights were illiterate belching maniacal landed gentry vainly attempted to assert their masculinity by going at Haren trades of undefended villages by a paling each other in brutal tournaments you wanna yell March at I give him the bad luck in my body honks and quit my sight dickweed oh hey King Joel Surf's Up who's just trying to make a point you didn't have to impale me sorry oh it's the rinse cycle hey dude fry his sword it's got a crispy coating a crunchy crispy call tender on the inside down for the third time don't really cleared up his skin we will listen to some dead DNA must get to crappie special effect tired a whole sordid affair sordid the spin going up Sir George I'm okay I'm okay have you seen no semi where's Anthony where's Josh Where's Waldo I don't Papa they are lost for good not both look the father of ours can I keep on Anthony has joined Pedro and Hillary over gentlemen try to stay on the path yeah yeah we're well into the third game of the tournament oh I see snaggle the chimp is after for the French defense and Telly Savalas and telly thoughts the fellas are pandering the move are the Persian of course mom's home dude tonight on tales from Lucy's crib ah Ricky welcome to the crammed I've been looking for you mmm what did i do last night glad she's back tonight on a very special my weird body and henri mooré sculpture will be back to my wacky which bring mommy a beer come on mommy needs a medicine now the strange loves of Martha Ivers Ella delicious shake for breakfast another function of strange elixir for dinner try ice desert every time my or the job that he has there what a drag it is getting old wait till I get my hands on him George after all had done for that boy the trick they put me in his power me his own foster mother do all overhead sinead o'connor's whoa jeez I hired these guys life is in danger you're tired James tired jinx rest jinx jinx never rest again until I know he's safe oh my boy what have you done bitterness magic bring me a vision of my boy why my face girls Michael's about the response or breath you and I have a good reason to continue the dark journey both of us are never the same girl each other soaps rescue curse is a per tag region of the other face load acts cursors as your commander I honestly advise you to turn back now while there is still time yeah you're in the fire yeah here George we should burn heal and ride back to safety leaving you and sir Branton well sir Tikaram makes good sense are your wits addled load X verses have already claimed Ulrich they'd ruin Anthony as long as there's one of us left alive there's hope that the princess can be saved you know we almost got hit Irish accent couldn't blame you for leaving between the courses of Lord Ike and Brandon's treachery you'll be needing us you Irish dog what do you mean by such insolence no kamae yet po-faced hypocrite the bench is clear I demand an explanation you shall have one or out of order a night to believe you prefer to continue the journey alone so you could get rid of me What nonsense you can't denied it from the first you refused our help you job me well of course I didn't want you coming along after all what man was to join forces with his rival but once we had begun the dark journey I accepted you completely I love you unconditionally even admire you yet you would have us leave Sir George what suspicious minds we're cool little girl whole load ex curses are killing us off one by one cursed by curvy that does it may I stay with George Bailey still be statue staring out that busted wall if George Hana turned us into memory Daryl so what so what is it be in a man again if you can't help win the fair Colleen thank you bad but I'll take it from here all of you there's your answer what was the question I have to admire your courage no not your smock good night Jenna I gotta go left his tongue is like the honey from a clover patch I don't believe a word the man says good Will Smith is game proves to be treachery it will be sir Brendan who does not return from this journey yes I swear the mighty birch king of all trees ask for by name that's not to do your treachery at noon Oh dream I saw Buffalo lay where are you taking me I don't want to go well I objected off me well somebody open the garage door not cheese lieutenant I gotta go hit my shift at the Happy Chef at the kopo kopo kopo here it is it's Willa Cather's birthplace where'd that dork oh there it is Jim out come out wherever you are random no decent right here well I see you're in a good mood we're on the contrary and in a savage mood oh I can't find in problems you better come here alone on this phony rescue key whiskey then I misplaced my cut is to destroy George in his nights talk about incompetence in three days you've only managed to destroy three of these interfering fools with all your magic powers all my magic powers Benton most of them give me my ring now dispose of these men in quick order not till I give my bicycle back what uses the ring to you no mortal can command it's magic you get your ring back when I get the princess that was our bargain don't you trust me did you drink you not insolent right now an American is a genocide me there where a bachelor cat I'll take the ring go ahead you made my name no no no you're gonna cry crybaby crap who's gonna wear your ring but once you have it back let's save me from your curses you're wonderful a steed TV well I've prepared a small demonstration why would I want to hurt you cuz you're a jerk why wouldn't you you're only helping me now because you want to get back this ring which you so stupidly sounds like an old coward plug keep my word I'll give it back in five days time when these curses are behind me and I played the princess but please keep the smartest work a tough trader Branton we both know what we want and we're both going to get it so long as you dispose of these nights especially Sir George you can negotiate anything by Basil Rathbone yes twice he squirmed out of Northup and he could do it again or stop bloody randon you're whistling an old woman yeah he should know George and his Knights are not dead by Weakland they'll die long before that you can see the string that works ending instances worse than anything I've conjured up yet one of them's coming here now to his death stop following me well hello a gallant Prince Minh you don't see many of those limit doesn't yell limit a little using my horse alright and he is a Frenchman Lucia head let him come in here we'll be ready for him so why is the most evil man in the world live in a Stuckey's he likes the pecan pralines it's the broasted chicken I'm honest you come I was that brave ooh mignonette mister what would you do folks unite well sleeping in Armour is hard on a body hmm just let it ring no Armour with memory or you taste like Charles boy a so is this French kissing Shannon well I mean an age of the shelter casino town hmm ah [ __ ] at all yes and does Americans they can't appreciate the good news okay sure I'm Oh kiss you spoke French then with an M okay uh uh I'm Michael gum we've been down for almost two minutes chilly today he's Pepe LePew he shows initiative that people feel alone Frenchy's getting too man I know he's French but her spark barbra streisand nails what is your secret man that was close come on she was just a rebound in my life one of me we Frenchmen we have a weakness by city women is that relevant or directly watched you yes I should have known that such a petty creature will not be out this early hour and I was robbed of all thought except one Hagen feels why did you come here Lilian French you know don't remember what mood you what is it Ponton what about him isn't that mean I'm sure of it I saw yourself sacrebleu he's dimensions I am French do we need a key no just walk right in hmm hello I'm French let's look at the menu before we order sir Branton and you laughing yeah well good morning gentlemen two for smoking then in flames you know jelly is it good sure but is it safe then we ask what you're doing here well someone has to do the thinking for you as your commander I thought it wise to spy out the countryside the upper floor of this mill was the only vantage point the last time you spied out the land seven Tony died in Italian friends always turn backs or Dennis you up my hand South with that as you will shall we wait the others and right on can't argue with this guy's real smart you gentlemen ladies age before beauty pearls before swine and I know don't get me started okay Pam Rihan and Ricky panting pan pan pan pan pizza but personal pan I'm gone almost Karen I tried I couldn't come soon mmm you look like Worf chilled yes that shield mark shields brooke shields shields E&L us the boy has magic how else could either scaped three curses magic did you see it that foster mother civil is working against me strong load ahead I know it how will you come to it won't you need your vim for civils magic I can't look at you yet my ring I can ignore anything the princess will be fed my dragon all I have to do now is to redouble my I screamed all you had to do was destroy that Frenchman you were too slow you need to be taught a lesson now the fire 610 hours warranty I need you again finally sighs - she always wanted to be greetings evolve oh okay you're looking older Thank You charlie sounds it in for ten a hundred years I don't want to talk to you but I want to talk to you the birds my paws make quite a lot of trouble no deck if you touch your hair of my boy's head I'll take you weird sexual touch ants you never had any real talent for witchcraft your ass always tenth-rate now quite helpful in four days the princess Elaine will be fed to my dragon and your George will die even sooner than that there's nothing you can do except look in your stupid mirror or magic pool and now I'll take care of that don't it come back come back oh no shell it's a hangar on LD Tuesday waiting for the Cable Guy there's magic bring me a vision of low debt no hmm well uh guess I'll just have to read a good book then let's see a Jurassic Park the firm Red Room Red Room okay help hi it's a still woods one-woman show give them hell Estelle I go see that he'll do anything to help ya I'm going to get loaded Hey let it out you'll be out eight there's an early crupp's machine right there yeah the long times I've tried this but a long time since I ran one I'm sure where is the Unicorn she should not be left alone pepper writes to Dear Abby you know best medicine the difference is night and day as a superhero I use America on lines powerful email to keep tabs on my archenemy's medication time is the West uh-huh my trusty sidekick America Online welcome I keep it down in there people work in the morning I wonder what Sybil is cooking up hello trouble hood she done it again Lucy have you been scheming again the one simple ah finished book George that's what I've done I've taken his magic away from him completely sure there's no more magic we'll be back with two separate views of love American style Butch and Sundance the really early years hey Danny where are you now there are the tracks of their horses there are the tracks my tears believe they're ahead of us believe it's not butter getting hotter by the moment why don't you take off six or seven layers so I do without it what could I do they were up before daylight and belligerents of that so Dennis said that he couldn't trust me to spy out the land any longer you could have wakened it woken this war they'd be back before daylight dad stop up ahead they'll be burned to a crisp by this time by this time my lungs were burnt to a crisp drizzle drazzle draws will drawn time for these two to come home woof mr. Willard Oh Peter Garrett from midnight on double Oh looks like they're jelly doughnuts blew up to the five-and-dime comedian DVD The Hills Have Eyes kindness where you'll be looking at that man I'm Irish you know ha channel we're burning why I am Eric yes why Brandon that gentleman is my secret strong enough for a man but made for a woman wait wait what's your secret come on tell me wait I can't hear you not listening come on corn in the hoodie I'm not cool there it's not part of the union contract market here lock it up there we go HECO guys this isn't funny where the devil is he Dillons Irish here somewhere you mean I was in your door Luke Pratt I'm sorry I have to leave you now a long-standing appointment with the princess LA and also with my partner Lodi partner yes his castle is just over the hill any last words for either of them I already have escaped you George ladies and gentlemen the magic of David Copperfield it's a brick house Wow okay where's Allen Funt we thought it would be funny we break out but that's Glenn's help Ascalon you ask a lot I'm bitter let's go lon Morris walls gates anything yeah they see the batteries it kind of loads lithium bloody magic like your horse perhaps Lodox magic is a bit stronger please wear safety goggles if you're going to do that he'll only be dulling the blade movies done with them they're blue be some other way out battery well I can only conclude one thing we're gonna die you know I was just thinking a little wallpaper some carpeting this place could be fixed up real nice hmm w sir more I'm come on dummy you know how come all movies end in a cave to kill a mockingbirds didn't well you're right about that at long last love didn't oh that's heaven have nots Anna Christie you're right just about all of them none of them ended in a cave this place is filled with breadsticks hey are we in someone's epiglottis oh just a cheap Bert I Gordon special effect yep no nothing happening with the plot over here mmm I'll put over here either nope we're let's it's Archy men hey it's the new monkeys you know what I just realized we're in the ghost of mr. chicken let's get out of here oh they're not dead they're just metaphysically challenged faces of those he's wronged or floating up velu Jimmy Smith Hall's vapor action yeah so I am the God of hellfire and I bring you Rhys battle zone demons here he's becoming the green ghost game something you don't see every day pretty much right rather than hell's soul torn out from underneath them so I'll just leave then I guess right now we're stuck in here all that interesting scene but one question the heck just happened here should be me I'll be here if you need me George he's dead Jim say you get to pick out your own steak watch this I'll have that one neat stuff but is it art he's just kicked again Sir Patrick - and total tool Patrick is finished but Sir George is writing this way there was no way out of that cave modak was it magic or was it Memorex you decide not magic then how did George escape throw right hmm yes something stronger than magic double-secret mad or of Patrick Street fellas I've got something to say and there's only one way to do it so gimme center stage maybe my guests honored as you guys I'm sure remember I think it was maybe last December I fell pell-mell or kim cattrall yeah we remember please don't remind us but now I well that's good we have tells back in your dreams buddy I'm older wiser and I know that my true love is really named Estelle Winwood he's swell she's cute she's Rudy too - I bet she smells like juicy fruit can really play a weird trick she was even on bewitched and I'm bewildered and bother oh but hold on a sec hold on thank you who you are my body but maybe I'm a farty Dottie but step back please and think about some stuff I'm sure that she seems nice yes bad she's more than twice your age with your love it might not matter but can she control her blast okay okay but y'all there's a whole other set of issues here if I'm a crow as a friend as a trusted adviser well okay here's a quick list of people much better looking than a style you're so sure that the let me call Brandon Tartikoff Sid and Marty Krofft Fred Gwynne and Anthony Quinn and Rin Tin Tin and Pearl Bailey had moms Mabley and Mayor Daley and Hank and Phoebe Snow listing as Doberman and pee-wee Herman had Strom Thurmond and Vince Lombardi on board nightmare and Georgian Jesus Joey they don't care Edith had a mr. Randall son Daniel and Sherman Hemsley come on not how they thinks it all no can you go in please hold up those coupons like you promised yeah okay Oh Willie Davila Agnes DeMille anchor but a villain rosco town crowd listen don't worry about it friend why don't you explain more about how you're feeling thank you she's the vision I got a new mission somehow I got to meet her so she's older two three oh she's got a great motor too there's nothing that can beat her till she's ready to tell sing i vamp these girls like juicy precision three Lima play a wedge go with Yvonne beware cuz shine bewildered and bothered hey hey everybody we'll be back with more stunts here on mst3k here at comedy central while my wife canceled can I take your order yeah I'll have some onion chips in front hey I'm just kidding friend he's coming would you stop looking into the fire for crying out loud yeah he's arriving at the castle gate whoa I will be open in a minute sir castle has an open air which gently and sweetly recommends itself on the census mm-hmm I believe I paid eight bucks and they don't even have a tour guide look he's a Swiss Army soldier please so that a toothpick is you look Rockne All American hooty-hooty-hoo hmm the Wizards not in trick-or-treat for UNICEF oh hi mrs. Jones I'm here to pick up your daughter and see if I can take her to walk right in sitting down dead in a jam and rolled on one to die a three a four three four five six and then Johnny said if you move your cat lady but you know I kid all crows hey crows more hate brothers come back mimes I hate these guys wha merci GUI Scarborough filet no like I would allow that don't worry your work up a satisfactory I promise he doesn't know the way to her cell and it doesn't have to the spell of the sixth curse is already leading him on yeah you know I bet people are always saying that that guy watch your head watch your head okay Lawrence would you put that shield down please always get out of the bathroom or under some we're really going to go Wow a virginal like a virgin virgin 2.0 hi George I've been waiting all my life for a guy named George dreamy hmm where is more of low-tax magic I'm as real as you are unfortunately how did you know me oh I think I would have known you anywhere no one can show me visions of you just to torture me I mean nearer and nearer good girl pretty good but I'm here and we'll leave together aren't you happy didn't think we'll stretch for her just let me hold you hey you guys just mad why we can't what happened to sir Branton rather asked what will happen when I get him within my swords length hey that's dirty he somewhere in the castle let him go what does anything matter except us not freedom together you know she's got a real Barbara Eden quality yeah I'll see if the way is clear later later you know this is a lot like Romeo and Juliet is that Whaley not good I'm pretty much personally I think it's a more like a Ritz Brothers movie except it's good okay act natural we're vacationers from Japan it's the serendipity singers welcomes the door to the Renaissance Festival you think you'd never get here alright right you're looking for this you just found it my lady it's time for us to leave oh hell I know I want to do it he's a senior aren't you forgetting something Brenton oh my purse oh the ring oh yeah there you go with this ring I thee Wed can I go now thanks all right take her ears in front of the circus people oh I want her alright she wants me always and forever hi what is this you chopped liver yes I mean did you really think I'd keep my word once I had the ring but I don't understand where is her name over here - she belongs to me we made a bargain I don't bargain with mortals I destroy them monster all right panting it's time to take care of you he's been framed prepare half of the dragon meanwhile on the set of Golden Girls nothing to give a voice the end of him the end of them both what would you do civil i'ma think think try to remember the right recipe where'd I go wrong well dyeing your hair orange was a start which is a pet cake back of them black demons of shake I want my baby back racket it's the next line that's the one I got wrong and it rhymes with red sweat smack snack no no no I'll go to low dex casul that's what I'll do I'll give it some thought on the way save him civil it's a living well yeah cuz Sam are you conjuring again come back oh [ __ ] off windy what it's equipped with hot and cold running Gary Locke watch this is the real heaven I spent it and I'm the real inspector hound go ahead show me how a pair of young mortals in love the tail bail before they die a little late wouldn't you say but I'm gonna have to hose you two off a couple of dogs knock it off I love you LA I honestly love you come in come yeah Matt yeah she rubbed his bronzer on from the windows the George um in cold room service if you need anything goodbye hey yo she's doing stand-up y'all pick the wine the rest of you know what you have to yeah you could use two that little dudes in a golden cage Darby O'Gill and the little people will be back after this to neglected I just realized I'm Gary Baun we're call for a kettle Oh Benjamin I told you not to go out with her Hey here comes a lot more ornate than mine yeah wonder if I get a continental breakfast see mr. Lockwood knees dog wad we're gonna help you let's go surfing now everybody's learning how dot on scissors surfing with me love those little guys I thought they'd cut this Sam like they can't find them look it snap crackle pop tone Ian hi Gary well part of this complete breakfast we must have gotten laid off from a Keebler mm-hmm hurry please quick hurry shave my armpits keep your shirt on big guy nothing's good enough for you like the Batman scene done quick cut the ropes my wrist my room I can whistle out stop come on knock off the elf crap and let me lose all my hair just don't outsource king of pain really great my sword has lost its magic but it's still a sword Yeah right whatever hey could you help us out we're a little short guru hi windows to Schuster you are the show was she doing her favor a or Jessica Lange and nicker pick yes Enter the Dragon go on let it out you're hurting inside aren't you we could talk about this please bad zippy down zippy No down are we having fun yet goo hey self surf tonight's episode a double-murder is waiting for you spot now it is my room well smell we got a job to do here heinessen little Italian I got heartburn I'm kidding of cards the burning the itching try crew X whoo oh it will find me unlock virgin I'm dating stringy and tough I don't care I don't know Estelle Winwood qualified as a super yo yeah for they are good seats but I don't usually like the balcony hey let's do that thing where you put the marshmallow on your spear it's fun roasting tenderize em down you go don't do that see the end of George yes yes with Carnegie under this awesome I can cross me now I could give him back his magic which is a decade back of the black demons of shame learning on the rack no good night eenie meenie chili beanie no no her knee-high me note them line up they're just puppets hey my breathing's good though this is better than the tanning bed look ouch very nice Oh George I've got to get Goldman off sugar okay which is a pick a lack of the black I want my baby back flesh off the red power to attain oh thanks mom but I was already doing it whoo Daryl dragon hey you're gonna poke an eye out with that thing like Godzilla all of a sudden next week on American Gladiators you know if this we're Japanese film the whole movie would revolve around the Sun right here the secret compartment of the Ring I feel with a proton super energy pill he's right it's her winning now now no he snores ooh I'm so sleepy I can barely keep awake clunk aah my braces are we but he's roadkill now oh the other had died too about that yeah it looks like the gorge monster's gonna score tonight that's for sure that's a magic sword but it's also good for simple jobs they were still die I'll eventually I suppose but here give me your gown I gotta wipe this blood up all my dress you with all the condition of he'll when we were scared plant mortal you dare to challenge me six curses could not destroy you but now you must face the seventh me figures got a bad old man big deal you had an echo box so you went to RadioShack I'm quitting they hear the cat in the morning of a Bogart movie in Lena no boy they do not stop oh goodness gracious I'm dead Maynard Ferguson live at the Ashwaubenon High School Auditorium now edge 12 of now kiss you I don't know that's okay dad please in a private ceremony they were married by Grady from Sanford and Son hey everyone it's scooter and skunk and chopper dinner the kid we do anything without your friends hi Chiba ha ha ah hi all money Oh always tell my mom to slip me off about that Grady wit watching them and get your butt over here da-da-da-da-dah uh you know Joel yes ty just gotta say that burn a Gordon did quite a pretty good job on that film but one thing I'm confused about is the whole concept of the seven curses I didn't know you could say curses on TV well it's not that kind of curse to give you example it's more like the curse for people when they performed on Rick Dees into the night show it's that kind of curse Oh God and you know speaking of seven curses despite what George Carlin says there are seven naughty words you can't say on TV oh sure I know one the like Huynh der booger man Nimbus a dink caca boo beep I think that's 7r oh wait a minute there's more than that there's Underpants ding-a-ling stinky buck dickweed okay okay okay that's plenty okay Joel how about that side oh I don't think you should really just thought I'd check yeah thanks for asking anyway I think it's time to do a letter this is from camera bill and Tony Kirtland Sonny okay air pen they said we 18 months ago oh let's put that up on still store cambot 18 months ago we moved from Ohio leaving our two children in college they're having conversations with our daughter Sue was never a problem she's always had lots to talk about isn't that like a teenage girl anyway however our son bill bill has a problem bill is a sophomore at Ohio State and really never believed that your letters were true I'm kidding of course and having conversations with him that produce more than one or two-word responses to look more difficult that has all changed since we discovered mst3k on a cable channel here in Virginia that is not available in Columbus knowing his bizarre sense of humor is probably genetic in origin and knowing how addicted he has become to our mst3k bi-weekly fixes we began taping your shows regularly and sending them to bill the amazing results our long detailed chats about the latest tapes and comparing the parts we found most hilarious so kudos to guys and gypsy for finding a way for parents and kids to connect when people ask us how we managed to stay in such close touch with Bill in his generation because they too want to enjoy that kind of meaningful relationship with their kids we simply tell them keep circulating the tapes thanks what do you think sirs oh is the great Joel Robinson bridging the generation gap again ah push the button Frank doctor I don't feel too good I think that biohazard whatever stuff is having an effect on me really you look great I do yeah yeah let's uh let's go get a pizza ala bring the mad scientist mobile around oh I don't think I could hold a beat sit down yeah well maybe we'll get you some soup this has been a presentation from Comedy Central

Channel: analogkid01

Views: 410,383

Rating: 4.8620691 out of 5

Keywords: MST3k

Id: yzhEnz2MhHI

Length: 92min 31sec (5551 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 05 2011