MST3k 318 - Star Force: Fugitive Alien II

in the not too distant future next Sunday ad there was a guy named Joel nothing different than you owe me his Moloch institute just another face in Red Jumpsuit he did a good job cleaning up the place buns or super shine mister the worst we can find have to sit and watch this all the litter is mine now keep in mind Joel can't control in Moorhead because he used those special ones robot people cabin gypsies dumpster boat crew happy eats and breathes and other science facts be yourself it's just a show relax mr. Issa what I mean okay I'm up to speed so far your point is that Big Bird cannot be considered a puppet because of his or her bid size right right and size and don't forget the feet once a puppet has feet it ceases being a puppet and starts being a costume what about Topo Gigio he was a puppet with feet Oh give me a break if you wanna get technical lamb chop head feet two Topo Gigio was an Italian black art rod puppet come on crow that's a subcategory who's arguing semantics now hi everybody welcome to the satellite alone I'm Joel Robinson looks like we've stumbled upon the robots weekly ontological discussion about the nature of puppets and a symbiotic relationship the man right and their symbiotic relationship to man let's watch the fireworks see all right if you're so smart what would you call HR Pufnstuf that's a costume remember the puppet paradigm feet plus in articulated mouth means costume what are yo de well Yoda was a humanly articulated floating armature creature or used in combination with radio-controlled servos and air bladders what a popular costume Tom come on right you got me I don't know he I rest my case okay here's one for you what do you call Senor wences the ventriloquist who built his career out of talking to his hand I'd call that a cry for help interesting man unlike any other okay if you two are ready let's begin here's a quick pop quiz on the many varied celebrity puppets in show business past and present and I want you to define the genius of each of these characters I list we'll begin with some characters from television cambot keep score and watch the clock ready let's begin Ralph the dog crow ah puppet puppet yeah could you be more specific Tom servo Muppets right exactly okay next meow meow kitty crow puppet ah what kind of puppet a hand yes and lame hand pop yeah yes very good okay next Kukla oh boy stuff Kukla cool Kukla or Olli I'll take you though I know uh hard shell head soft cloth potty hand puppet with socks leaf coverlet very good I thought you were out of the running for that one now these necks are going to get a little bit harder okay let's continue spitting image oh oh outrageous and wickedly funny foam and latex parkerich DC follies a shameless Sid Marty Krofft ripoff very good demands are cold oh hello button let's slam straightaway into this week's invention exchange big noses that's right the super schnoz El Grande pull so truce what big noses all right right durante eat your heart out big honker comin atcha in 3d do I smell pie in the oven uh not this building say dr. sports said tonight well what's the point of the big noses anyway well they're just really big you know just think of the stuff you could do with them very useful no I can brown-nose myself wow you and I are kind of on the same wavelength I thought of my invention exchange is being this big head who's that guy with the big head Hey Joe can you help me with my algebra sure no problem it's a snap with my new big head yeah well say Joel do people make fun of you now that you have a big head oh sure people are naturally curious but then I explained them that I've got a really big head yeah there's no Joel are you in any pain no it's just a really big head so I guess we can say that you got a big head there huh yeah you can you babies all outdoors it's real big sirs what do you think I know a man in Chicago once that had a big hit no it was nowhere near that big no doctor I don't mean to stick my nose into your business but shouldn't we really be getting to the movie right you are my long nosed companion Joel your experiment this week is going to be like biting down on a double-edged razor blade it's called fugitive alien 2 and it's every bit as stanky as part one send him the movie Frank Ellen is the big head big head cook pig oh this is sandy Frank this is sandy Frank on drugs any questions the whole fugitive alien - electric Boogaloo The Heretic nerds in paradise on the move citizens on patrol star force x - 2 times they actually two times the confusion boom please remain seated until the building has come to a complete stop Micke molex V he's the Scottish guy in charge of copyright yeah copyright hey let's music of perky I'm feeling really good yeah hey this is gonna be fun guys I'm feeling really yeah are we kidding this is a fugitive alien sequel weren't for them to most people hours of our lives come on you guys we gotta be strong to fall apart come on we got too many sandy Frank comes together to let him repeat a thousand light years away from our solar system lies Bala star we know a mysterious planet with an enriched atmosphere which imparts superior strength well while the star is ruled by Lord Halcon an evil genius who has created a race of warriors the star wars me on a mission of destruction to earth star wolf ken is ordered to kill a child his refusal starts a fight which results in the death of his best friend huh as punishment ken is set adrift in outer space and for us to watch this clown was found and rescued by the crew of the earth spaceship Bacchus 3 soon remember Ken's girlfriend Rita has been sent to find and destroy him but it is she who is subsequently killed in goofy scene wise you're fired that shot he was you yeah so what of it Rita Meeta made my chick stir hey only one memory of Rita remain her golden valnum a daddy which can hock for a pack of cigarettes ken will never forget it or the visa bill she ran up huh what's over a mom is it aiming a pen and dessert comrades are often quest of new adventure their mission to fly to say sir find a secret weapon and destroy it and hopefully do it it sagar that wound can oh good it's healing beautifully ah okay here's my well well I must say you're a real angel of mercy you never fussed like this when I get hurted you always tell me buried like a man come on Dan your problem is you're jealous Tom terrific don't grin just keep your eye on the courses or just kill the girl there's something peculiar about him hmm that's a good boy say sir stop experts of advanced defense technology you heard right uh-huh and you probably know all about that secret weapon say sir is said to have imported from another planet pretty much there any truth to those rumors colonel they say could blow up the universe or worse where did you hear that you know occasionally I tune into the intergalactic grapevine oh shut up I take it you're trying to enlist my cooperation for a mission you're about to run away before I say yes or no I'll need to know a bit more about your intentions I love you all the days of my life I don't know whatever gave you the idea we're planning a mission we're just out for a ride a little excursion to discover more facts about our universe you don't say and how do I know I can trust you as Ken fella seems mighty suspicious to me mmm Ken's just a bit of a loner you're one I'll call him in and you can talk to him yourself Ken's a loner how long before your cannon all mixed Ken Tammy I want to see you oh great he found out about the keg plot point right there hmm this is a girl officers insignia hmm how did you get it there a lot of hard work and a lot of pancake makeup Lenny was sleeping I heard you call a girls name out loud oh and I put your hand in warm water I think I believe that was it does the name reason mean anything shooter uh it's a Beatles song ken this is our present position Pegasus are two is four right here here's the Spencer Gifts distance to say sorry is a roller time I roll a whole rotor two one three sir course three seven is perfectly safe it's when we switch to course T that we're likely to run into trouble there's a huge black hole near our five by nine I don't know anyway wishes go right to the left black hole huh need it swallows up anything that comes anywhere near it boom I don't think we can risk it Oh another painting by Judy Chicago now back to our movie this puts a new light on the conditions of our mission a black light guys again success extremely high but then I'm extremely high on the other hand if you got to go I can't think of a better way mm-hmm that's not funny sir I'll say it isn't I don't want to vanish in thin air when my time comes I want to go out and glory I want to be torn apart by a time like a true woman and a naive one naive yourself me so steady Joe you don't necessarily have to get swallowed up in a black hole put it out charge of course Carrie Lee you can go through a tunnel out to a white hole in safety it's a tricky maneuver Turkey where did you hear that where did I hear it I'm afraid I don't remember I guess it was at one of those scientific briefings I attended yeah my aunt's house or some can wait you're walking down someone's throat wait a second I didn't tell you the punchline come on and slip of the tongue and you gave your old game away didn't you I don't understand do you find me pleasing I know for a fact that only a handful of Wolfe attackers have ever made it through a black hole and still live to tell the tale I only had to put two and two together to realize you're a star wolf who are you to judge no don't be a fool can I'm the only friend you've got here it's you what's up what's going on it's all my fault yeah he was just showing him where his larynx was I foolishly made a sarcastic remark about earthlings ken was right to act as he did hmm bill chosen words have been known to start wars yeah like the sarcasm Wars of 1999 what a dipstick I don't like that guy and I don't like you either the feeling is mutual Oh rocky who do you like captain come up here quick surprise happy birthday to is look at that sir what do you make of it that's one of those nut clusters looks like a meteorite quite a big one yeah just one things wrong I don't see it on any chart hmm all the time they get it on the chart it'll probably have broken up like most rock bands rago's well yes I speak the truth you bet hey MEMS like we're getting into hostile territory we have to be on our guard Bucky take the controls Hockley in your station yes sir rocky you hate Ken can you make goofy faces Tammy you love rocky or Ken Colonel you're ruling that's your seat there but captain said sit down but he didn't say Simon Says it said captain says oh wait a minute we're just moving the stars of the show start Pink Floyd on the headphones set the controls for the heart of the Sun it's broccoli I hate broccoli you know he's got Kristy McNichol cheeks you know like this at all skin yes sir destroy the meteorite with the fall with laser okay yes sir captain Joe we're still alive that's the only thing that can know it all cleanliness is the only thing that counts I won't feel safe while he's alive kill him what do you think you're doing we've got a mission to accomplish I'm just gonna remove an obstacle your eyebrow can stop him maybe fuels me you're next easy rocky this isn't the right moment out of my way rocky hold your fire Hokkien I'm sorry to say we still need him here for what we rescued him to guide us to say siren he'll do it lock him up whatever you say I just hope you know what you're doing I just want to say your way I sucks as long as this guy is travelling with us our mission is threatened we'll never make it to Woodstock oh well here you are it isn't the Royal Suite but it'll just have to do you want room service day all night there's a mint on the pillow I need some towel listen to me if you want to make it to say siren one piece you need me to guide you any minute now we'll be going bye Demeter Starr it'll set us on fire let me out let me out I'm gonna hold my breath till I turn blue oh I'm all ready oh I did it again I'm already blue Zink yourself there dial Evita is like a storm raging inside you ah mmm I'm coming Elizabeth he's hallucinating split ends Oh Who am I trying to kid I'm not sick mmm that's good email ha ha it's the cabin temperature it's hotter than my great-aunts apartment 20 Sen per richer that's a bit high sunny side of the street even hotter outside delay calls for a drink right I'll go check it out Kent King huh wait a minute look at that star you look at that I'm bitter I don't get it that star why that's Demeter stop oh it should be bigger than a meter how do we get here it isn't on our course look at this we're just 15 sir mm-hmm say sorry isn't anywhere near here we'll have to correct our course switch over to 7/3 Oh ro what is that traffic information it'll move there's something wrong yeah it's this movie it sucks we must be cotton Demeter's magnetic field all the controls are blocked man if it's not one thing it's a nun honey I'm gonna be very late try to see you right away it's an emergency okay you shouldn't spend too much time away from the bathroom Oh Oh could you armor-all my soup lucky again again she's wrong that's good captain I scored another day and all of you all engines at full thrust engines full thrust that's full for us ya lail [ __ ] huh it's like an aerosol can I don't feel right about this at all you and me both pal you and meat both look suspicious we'd better get out of here I'll be roasted alive uh-huh all rocky no I'm say her boy come on it was the salmon mousse rocky what's wrong Oh rocky cubed ha ha pants too tight I'm so dope turning Japanese pain in my back I really think so ma huh Rock I'm feeling dizzy can take over yes sir she's what better house honey it's alright oh come on you kids are just overtired you're fighting sleep now I want you to go to bed come on come on those are just the after-effects are the ultra-high-speed we needed to get through the black hole just have to sleep it off I'll get you some medication for me too sir all right here this a really dear sir take it sir yeah are you sure you'll be all right you went through the black hole too oh you're fine I got my friend Jerry to help me what is he now Otto man looks like a checkup Oh chicken stop sent me a chick cell can anyone hear me sure it's aha Marisol is heat coming from noisy it's not the heat it's the humidity you see the comfort in this is me I got sunny important detail I'm the Unsinkable Molly Brown I think they could make bigger doors look well sir how are they doing okay I gave them something to calm them down they're just gonna have to sleep it off I do that a lot Oh still awfully hot in here yeah turn up the AC captain we really ought to move away as quickly as we can I think we ought to boost the engines my curly fries are up sir at least this felt speed right engine trouble now I told you to check the oil didn't we fill it up and oh Claire okay I'll take her up Oh sharing young men and their junky little ah peas what is with you sir dude those radishes again hmm dad wake up wake up you're late for cram school right [ __ ] yeah you gotta wake up you gotta wake up rocky ah geez he's been reading Bukowski again sweet huh we have no time for you now you just stay in here and stop all that yelling yeah you'll just have to hold it if you notice is heated what's causing it I want to know exactly where we are enough of your questions be quiet I'll just have to get back to you later bye listen to me pay attention we mustn't get near to meet your star why not this heats coming from the engines you little fool your little minx don't you realize when to meet your star is about to explode watch that really you're sedating of Oh looks like Captain Joe is drunk again for those of you playing along at home in fugitive alien 1 captain Joe is portrayed as quite the drinkin man now this I'm gonna feel like humans no I'll be ok I'm fine something I hate it Olsen focus we get a muscle sore huh whoa would you wipe my brow mmm you don't look very good my left eye was a little numb I don't know this must have been a UH I'm fine yeah so high-speed to another rollin will let you out captain listen to me uh-huh you don't realize what's going on this sort of heat is only generated by a star that's about to die that's what's happening to Demeter we've got to get out of here oh thank you and it'll explode listen Ken Colonel your Roulin is the only one who knows his way around here we're going to have to enlist his help ok sir countin first we must find out what Rosie guys alright oh boy I'm feeling really bad oh yeah let's go boy I feel like I'm just shaking off of oh let's move it's all happy to see you here trap servo oh my god touch servos dead he's dying it must have been that movie only a robot watches a bad film it renders him unconscious next on emergency 9-1-1 crow you got a stop buddy it means the love of our friend Tom servo what I must finish tech Wars of the Newseum must direct Star Trek 9 the search for Spock s-- intelligence Hookers a good cop hello these are good you'll is it good I did you gotta get a little buddy out of the bone orchard okay listen I need you to run along get the defibrillator and I'm gonna try to get our brother Tommy out of the Badlands all right come on man come on back we're all pulling for you buddy hey Joel is the defibrillator the thing that looks like a vacuum cleaner thing that looks like that battery charger it's a thing that looks like a battery charge you know would you get it together man and get out here amid some servos life on your name oh hi oh la what is covered come on Jack come on back buddy clear nothing he's covered back come on Tommy Oh Oh smooth Shawn dumps it up to the plate now a beautiful day here at Wrigley Field boy let me tell you perfect for a nice cold Budweiser honey no Lincoln carpeting at Matco Oh Joe crow what the heck happened to me it's okay buddy you're among the living now oh that was weird I was walking down a long hallway and at the end of it there was a bright light and a kind man with a beard reaching his hand out to me beckoning me and he looked at me as I got closer and he said hey buddy can you spare some change I want a cup of coffee other things that joke to you that's great we got commercial sign we shouldn't let you die life because you guys just have no sense of humor I use the wrong ass boys go to set the Z system be over here all right Oh big EMU okay let's see here that there it is apartment 3b what is this the super team Japanese crap that it's kind of laughable do you want to turn the power off before you work with something like that but he's in roberson what Oh ken Jeong Ken here okay I can't hold out much longer hurry up whoa Linda Blair all of a sudden are you alright captain trying to kill me with a forklift are cheap Japanese craftsmen to get what you're ruling here what is it colonel your ruling I'm worried about the captain please check in him alright right away I'm doing a geez you know apparently it's one of those things worth the taillight goes out the whole thing sets down pretty much whew Oh Jeannie wants to get out of there look drink me drink me come on and drink me dr. Joe is anything about her oh I'm fine just reflecting on the Upanishads young man What's Wrong captain captain oh I better take over the controls loose a bear yeah you sleep I'll Drive till Cleveland it's not one thing it's another around this crazy ship crying hey hey turn off your brights dim it during the high bay the high beams ten we're getting closer get that engine fixed right away now it's up to Ken the fate of the entire crew is in his hand he will have to locate I it's somewhere in the system before the spacecraft gets closer to the exploding star otherwise all is law and your vote echo pay up I'm a graduate of Debray say all right you can get free HBO now colonel high fixed it start the engines let's get going all right oh that was Ken he's working late he'll be out for a while I might as well go ahead and eat this is a really important part to fill me around now yeah my keys I love - oh they're rough oh it isn't working I can't make it start that wasn't it you better check it again curl pop up a few times don't understand it's got to work Oh God oh sandy Frank sandy Frankie it's a lot of poison just rewrapped a gum wrapper around the fuse hey girl try it again I'm sure it will work now are you there now hang up on your end go hang out I'm hanging up I love the Sun what a way to die listening to the Tijuana this is the song about the bucket three GRU they're gonna die from over he he tried to kill the board went away that looks like a real uncomfortable Halloween costume I got to keep going to date with good hot pants I know what it is to find your developer fluid no more jello shots I mean this is it now I quit today there's a drum major flying the ship now captain we've got the engines working now if we can just get away for that star just let me have my coffee first okay I'm not good without it this is the song about the cruise come to four seconds of a else you like they're gone up you know your prisoner he tried to kill me with the forklift hi and I know this is gonna be great speakers on the porch oh yeah that oughta get the cooling system going one more connection okay hey God looks good tastes good how is good that's removing sisters view can you get her on course he's huge snow yours we're too late now did failure huh gotta go on try again I can't make it it's in the tunnel can you hear me colonel uh-huh uh-huh captain yeah hey ha ha hop in here Jeff Hoxie value oh no we're getting closer to that star looks like I'd better take over fine but towel off first or something not a kitten you're having a film steam-clean right now they need it captain I've got it fixed it's all working again great just in time to see you sky I've got it working get going wait whose turn is it to pass out I think it one audience is ready to pass about now what is he's starting a wild mouth side ignition yes we're gonna make it colonel Master full thrust you want to go faster oh no no not you the engines kid power run yeah black why you know we did it we did it we kill 20 minutes a movie I'll take the controls all right yes you don't kneel cap Joe anymore graduates today you'll begin the journey of the rest of your life we may never pass this way again and I'm missing graduation music started oh no oh it's like the temperature is coming down see I'm not even stinky thank you Ken get out of my Segal you're rolling you know both did a terrific job I won't forget it yeah this old crate pulled us through one more time your kid both you thanks again back is three back is straight up now you've done it again mighty Jack I'm quite a guy really you know so hey Dan come on we're going probably doing still a little gross Jenny Betty all right too bad I feel great ready for a workout yeah you got spunk I hate spunk what is it this is your morning call sir we'll be expecting you all downstairs in an hour for some tennis is this the morning Zoo gallo stream I reckon say what happened to room service sorry sir I'm afraid our guests have to cook their own breakfast enough of the good-natured ribbing boy I love it Elsie yeah please hold your present position for the moment we'll be giving you your landing instructions shortly shortly what's the delay it may had the clear landing space for us that's all message received we're holding our position and waiting to hear from you all our best to Joan in the kids so what cycle just park there then Oh park in the street I think I could speed things up if I had a word with them Oh mr. connections Oh mr. sarcasm Colonel you're ruling calling say sir headquarters you're ruling yep we're number one Space Command was kind enough to rescue me from a Carraro prison I can vouch for every one of the crew we'd like to land on say sir right away whytnee is that official say what's the matter down there I'm used to having my official request dealt with immediately Oh to you you hear that we read you loud and clear we just don't like you know colonel your ruling listed on our offices roster don't talk nonsense check that roster again I've been a senior officer in the States our command for the last 20 years captain I think there's some sort of a mistake starting with the script colonel your ruling it sounds like you're pretending to be someone you aren't nobody asked you this insubordination is unheard all three weeks detention for Ken well you did reveal a few vital military secrets to the Qurans didn't you wait a second you're saying I gave away vital information well how did you find out about that by getting drunk anyway now it seems we're all involved in this situation together this is no trade mission you're after that secret weapon aren't you colonel you ruined your mouthwash just ain't making it are after it then I think you're the least likely individual to lead us to it they don't even know you down there it's ridiculous bunch of idiots ship of fools what the heck is going on no no starting over all right I gotta bust it again returning to it is she really going out with him that was just a warning and keep your cool you're wrong those guys aren't kidding I can't believe it my own people would never dare shoot at me looks like they have engines full blast you know I just love the whole incoherent mighty jack quality of the snow uh-huh you're at the head place the cool things I let them this week join Jonny [ __ ] priest at an abandoned sonic well we're surrounded they'll attack again any minute don't let insects spoil your garden party captain he is a door I know no they're being attacked by alpha lasers even the name says Merry Christmas I'm gonna get the bits too dark to go out on your bike this here don't fire back try to make contact tell them it's a mistake what do you can't be hurt all of a sudden mistake this is for real get ready to counter-attack yes sir magic booze bottle take me away holy I got it always killing fun ken does it amuse you that's all it can as he tries to kill the bad guys you'll taste their steel and they'll break your board they'll try to kill him if the forklift making us up faster pussycat kill kill all right go like you've never go it before I'll show him I'll run away then they'll be sorry they picked on me why is Ken behaving like this he calls it bitter because it's his heart bang bang killing his fun oh and he picks up the spare so let's review the plot so fine they went into outer space and a/c uh-oh wait a minute inside yeah they went into space and it's on the tip of my oh I know I know they suffocated for a while yeah then came lots of explosion bands okay after that's done I really enjoyed that tears okay it's not easy now they know where we are gonna send up the next wave yeah you know the old saying an eye for an eye breakfast antennas yeah they come again Oh catch them if you can mmm-hmm there's no way out of this sir sooner or later one of them is gonna score a head off the ball you're gonna guide us to a safe place to make an emergency landing well my uncle's got a planet let's crash they're gonna stay alive I'm gonna have to help us where can we land well I do know of a place alright tell us where it is everyone calls it the devil's desert sounds pretty neat really willing to take the risk I'll be glad to guide you okay let's go we're going to Vegas everybody looks like the Big Blue Marble okay let's see here there's Satan's triangle Lucifer's elbow oh there Deborah double stick flying over teenage skin eruption sir you got a problem with that this effect though hold on tight this is going to be a rough one we'd better learn to get along careful careful these sounds are treacherous they're headed straight for the dock I know this film looks like it's scraping bottom ah note to myself what landing gear on this baby marecus dude desert planets just watch this thing looks like one of my old ski club overnights you know I really know a planet that evolved from carob I don't think here's a girl a de vida baby ah Tammy Tammy tell me true a girl a grimmer booyah supposed to be brave yes get up sir hooah practice ha ha ha who turned off the TV set Bloody Mary's all around come on put yourself together told him the point doctor killer again better check the others okay oh yeah aye aye captain damn step out of it Haley come a hero Colonel you ruined a drive-through clowns I want a sunrise biscuit come on in there would you look at that so hot in here it feels like a steam bath and me without a towel rocky better get the area on the screen okay oh wow they gotta watch their own reruns what a nightmare I wonder how much damage we've got I don't know I want every inch of this craft checked out geoffrey rush even the inch under your seat never yes to it even the 30th inch in every single inch even that infinitely strong on the ground again there's an inch over there that all right I better go help the others this is Nick DiPaolo for Comedy Central new from the star force line of action figures it's Captain Joe the boozy brawling bloated Bacchus tree commander from the beloved fugitive alien series dizzy gillespie cheek sold separately yes he Swagger's he staggers and he even talks um so do I worsens turn with a lot of back history set him up barkeep flasks and treble bar not including this with your captain Joe action figure you'll be in a constant state of excitement while he's in a state of denial uh Ellie drink had a wee kid I can drink existential void where prohibited sure he's got a problem but you don't have to watch him to tear your rate after all you spent nine ninety five for him tax and license not included you can have hours of fun as you organize a crisis intervention for Captain Joe captain show I am NOT gonna sit here and watch you deteriorate captain Joe why not Ken and I had you over to eat you got drunk I cookie sherry and better pass that man through a pall over the Malibu dream house captain Joe dude I loved you but I'm not gonna sit here and watch you cowabunga your life don't forget kids have Captain Joe refuses to deal with the issues you can always try to kill him with a fork Bob Steph workbook optional predicates included in some boxes Joe Namath netted slingshot brief sold separately well hey hey wake up I'm sorry thanks you anytime you're staying here what for as soon as we've left I want you to bring back history to a safer place sir do you think you're doing the right thing what do you mean I was told when the mission is dangerous the older men who are the ones to stay behind it rocky that's an order impressive eye contact sir that's crazy you can't go on a forced march through this desert at your age let me go I'll command my own mission you pull my finger toe I'll never shirk my responsibilities not even with my hip cracks rookie lunare mine this is one order I can't bang disobey it over my dead body okay rocky don't shoot me if you've got the guts I ought to still stand squeeze well captain my captain I'll kill you for that don't get excited I wouldn't shoot my chief with live ammunition it's a knockout dart course had pierced us at all I'm the amount of commission for an hour so help me get him to someplace comfortable Kent grab his legs now then we've got a mission to accomplish there's gonna be that first time he's passed now Cole he's gonna wake up sober peekaboo it's Abbott and Costello in turning Japanese all right let's go man was born of woman they both the cabot of the earth Tammy I want you to contact us as soon as you've moved back as three to a safer place call us on our micro radios right we'll try to maintain contact from our end and don't forget keep us in radar range you can count on it oh and you better lock up the liquor cabinet and hide the key you know what I mean we're headed for adventure we're gonna Pat up the film support and you fall asleep Three Forks we're climacus I feel like you faster yes sir rich fighters all over me get him up forget about me we mo is the funniest sensation the rooms not spinning hmm I'll kill that Rocky okay yeah I took the liberty of changing your jumpsuit sir are they in radar range yes sir they're right here on the screen 22 degrees east northeast I'm not in right now but if you'd like to leave a message with my shoulder Rocky I'm giving Rocky already yeah stopover advancing on our objective that was a dirty trick you played on me why don't you court-martial me over a cold beer when this mission is over and a shot alright I want you guys to be careful it's a very tricky operation yes sir then you get a good rest one of these days you'll thank me for what I did shoulder phone off Bucky again sorry rocky buster when this is over sorry I was thinking at something else sir we were working on a big set hill we realize you've had your fill as we march up on the sticks s-stop hey corn hey corn down there's a watchtower oh but I kid the gentleman witnesses ladies and gentlemen dead love them hey check it out there fighting ZZ Top hey uh hi Alan how they just wipes us music from Mission Impossible as close as you can I'll try to divert the guards and watch out for the percussionist they might have tambourines let go of my listen Otto don't you trust me what guarantee do we have that you won't double-cross well I'll leave you my keys if you attack that post head on those machine guns will mow you down in a matter of second hey mo you know the way I feel I've got a score to settle with this country and a song in his heart my loyalties lie he's true to his school okay baby I'll still keep you covered walk the way I walk I'll hunker down like that Plan B Merce Cunningham oughtn't our houses left oh hey it's high-definition TV do chain i I got a little toilet paper in your shoe there it's coming out of the Louvre I keep it now on with it he did sell us out ha sir it's the Peter Frampton alarm only goes off you 270 deuce and always returns to his hole Wow this is Operation Desert core sounds like the teacher from the peanuts TV specials he's going to shoot us himself well I'm flattered to literally cross of iron in color hmm Jorge Paul John Pete best you like my for frigerator boxes hmm no looks like Lawrence of Arabia except for the pink shiny pleather suits come on girls all the dead guys far Oh looks like I had you worried for a while don't you think anything's wrong it seems alright so far sir good hey that wet thing how symbol cuz I got wrecked in the crash I mean yes sir we've got to get this ship out of here before the next sandstorm that's clear yeah yes sir okay now here's the liquor store and there's Tom Thumb no take two left's and you're there isn't it the red star is a security zone without still 55 miles to run a shift a cold open okay now it's our turn to move let's go hi keep on captain Turner Turner - I strap inside let's get central - hooks the ship officer he tried to kill it with my lord where while captain Joe moves the spacecraft closer to the secret installation the crew of Bacchus 3 disguised as seis our soldiers advances cautiously me I'm Carl the narrator I used to work with Ken I do these voiceovers to finance what I really wanted to and what's that Carl decoupage thank you what are they doing at the Joshua Tree National Forest this is the nice side of the devil's desert of course if they got the super weapons stored in this Depot no but they've got mr. freezies must be here it sure doesn't look like a high-security installation yeah it looks like nothing your house to its underground yeah they even got a bowling alley in the basement it's just like the White House it's really cool [ __ ] oh yeah it's a nature out Oh ho-ho charming stop here wait there's your punch dams if the balls everywhere Oh No okay don't go near that looks like we're in the giraffe lot here hmm hmm it's making something yeah hi kiba well good thing we're not branches just as I thought they've got the whole insulation surrounded by a lethal ray Martha rad hmm that's all we need this super weapon must be an incredibly powerful device if they need this elaborate a system to protect it no Ken don't try it yeah nice kin-kee you're working with a team it'll vaporize you in seconds don't even preflop you get discovered former Oh okay Billy you're next let's go what about my rifle or where's your rifle that red spot hasn't moved an inch but it's healing nice hope they're all right they'll be fine I know if they blow this one I'm gonna kick them right out of the service you remind me of my father Oh let's keep our mind on our work shall we having a star wolf along has its advantages lucky let's go I'm with you and without you beautiful all bori on the Western Front tryptophan Oh Rocky come over here I can't the way over here look check that out with your fuel glasses Hank Hank I am going away well a deal and a booyah hmm say not bad so it is underground Rocky there's a world going on underground kids are say wait a minute did we just do another hop thing hey it's it's us again we unstuck in time or something it won't be easy getting into this place how will we do it easy wait a minute those ID tags we can get our hands on them we can waltz right through why not take the whole uniform and Rumble right in I'm Chet welcome to RV training school again I'm Chet if you need anything I'll write it down are you seeing what I'm seeing they're new good luck Artie Johnson I thought Sumeria Jackson butterman walkin lay down the boogie and play the [ __ ] music tear you down Ches okey oh that was easy again I'm chatting seen those guys here before nice-looking guys though you know how it is they're all sending in reinforcements we are twenty two minutes to weather tschappat tango Delta captain I saw it they made it inside I knew they would huh dude you gotta call man I got chef Oh it's Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee in a collision course with a wacky hmm crotch cam I'm huge hey you guys have a Hall Pass I come on I can get the tooth press and trim the hair in your nose that's all well the drill helps everywhere those huh all right over here little breather behind this rock yeah hmm for the walking sequence special director Roger Corman with pantings shop okay nothing act natural hi Garrison's gorillas in color Cesar Romero do somebody say uh Caesar old metal it okay let's do it down what cheering here why not it's mom's old vaudeville stuff what do you know wait a minute salami at Caesar's Palace are they blue on back the plastic clay hmm I can smash this alone is that all there is to it quite just wait your superhuman strength may not be enough against a machine like that we've got to do this slowly and carefully so you can thoroughly bore the viewers guys I'm having a hard time telling how big this is can we have something to the screen to figure out the scale here attention attention this is Field Marshall Tulsa your commander-in-chief and grand pooh-bah to announce that a new age has begun for the people of small that explains the Christmas star without superior memories of military strength we can meet any challenge not even the supposedly invincible book readers from Belva star and fretless Engine from now on we shall be able to sorry ladies and destroy their very planet lunch today is chicken-fried steak and potatoes are ready to dominate the world sir we've achieved the final breakthrough we're getting ready to no speeches soldier get back to use excuse me sir cool I promise to pay more attention to my duties what a dope head um come on hold nobody's allowed past this point you must be a new recruit no sir a blue recruit oh I mean yes sir right away all the way sir I was ordered not to let anyone pass this he's men are all right they're really good guys especially that shopper he's a nut all done in there it's a super time server with fresh Buster's in class packs Wow tunnel ram four-barrel chopped and channeled cool look at that like a beating heart like a beating heart liberal okay you plant the time bomb okay wait they're gonna destroy it with refrigerator magnets yes my detachment was on maneuvers in the northernmost part of the country yeah it was blast on remember saw you here before we let her a sleek young fellow then it's an honor to serve here yes sir I know that sir we had a competition in our unit how is the blue is the winner that's why I was selected for guard duty at this installation ah you've created quite a little world for yourself I see who hide the bomb it's your ruling what I can't open the door I haven't got all day well I do but I don't want to give it all up for this is what I mean everything all right yes sir everything's just fine good let's go bye thanks for the checkup so cool you're a fine soldier the next time I see your commander I'll tell him you're doing a good job well thank you colonel let's do lunch wear it I could talk to that guy telling blue in the face thanks for keeping him distracted the time bombs are ready to go off oh he's a swell kid hate to see him die oh they're playing my song calculus sting number 15 eine kleine Nachtmusik masterpiece theater is brought to you by a grant from the mobile corporation you can't just stand there sir watch me we've got to get out of here this is our say tsar anthem so what every day at this hour we all stand at attention and renew our loyalty to the homeland that's great while the others are standing at attention we'll get up yeah that's great you stand at attention and I'll pick you up and carry her come on here those are Blaupunkt speakers that sound great man the whole mob leg hey buddy what's wrong Kenny here colonel Craig's name on the edge play that music has an effect on him when he hears it he snaps to attention the guy's crazy we've got no time for patriotism now that bomb is about to go off girl we got to get out of here come on down sir there's no time to lose huh my country needs me you know his country would win more wars of its national anthem was shorter what happened to you somebody finger-painted me it's bad huh get off my chest Red Alert red alert message received nobody gets in here without a tuxedo and a note from mr. Gotti sir you can't go in there in my way infidel stay where you are we take a step what is he Chicago cop that guy oh look he's doing joke I look good you Barbies lost one good worker he was the best damn fry cook they had by the old sweet friend Space Camp with Kate Capshaw we are able to reach the primary target sir people go to alternate target well Cuba it's 15 minutes we're not famous anymore others aren't out there's something wrong sir I have confidence in them they're all professionals yeah I'll be inside a bottle if you need me I hate patronizing answers prisoners are baked not fried dad Billy do not attempt to adjust your TV don't wait for me go on ahead wait guys Billy save yourself there they are razor wall by Peter Max Billy fight the walk run for it I'll come back for you dad Yeah right you'll never see him again this is great it looks like a castle stone to do to do to do to do to go to do I'll time for a drink yep it's getting later and later Tammy I think we'd better take off ready yes captain right uh and I know you're into what what Dan was trapped yes I tried to help him but he already chewed have his leg off hmm I heard what he said I can rescue Dan can you get him out before the baby well I can try we've got to be sure we'll never save Dan by talking about I never said well they look sing about us look Billy you stop worrying okay thanks for cheering the alley you're a pip you guys better get out of here quick nothing do it I'm going with you no you're not you get back to the sim I want to help you rescue Dan I want to know what love is you're late you'd only be in my way this is great do we have to see this oh come on hello he's getting a tattoo with a busy buzzer buzzes Victor kya why did you have to buy the company Jalan a mission here shaves like a blade I'm going to have to dwell again you were collecting information on our secret weapon you're a spy aren't you huh now ribs please is it safe who sent you if you don't look good we don't look good let's see you're not enjoying this now I think you'd better answer us otherwise things will get even worse just a little off the top Tok Tok Tok by Tok Tok from the album talk you get risk lino crap toaster if you live long enough man should I be driving I mean I've already got to TW eyes hmm Oh interpretive death flip chat to a somersault pretty routine I've seen that before hey it's a three-legged race fine Oh snaggletooth Dan they're back on the screen that's great mmm I tell you that they were professionals yes sir there's me what aah is that job that sounds like it might be done pretty much it does Hey time's running out hurry there's only 7 minutes left I know that you idiot Dan's still in there and he's got the keys to your van and his dad was gonna buy us a keg here you want a sandwich I got chicken salad and something good I didn't mean to yell at you rocky it's all my fault I should never have abandoned em it's no one's fault and if anyone can save him it's Ken you did the right thing and getting help yeah it's cans fault yeah self together look at that over there odd that planes dust and crap sir there ain't no crap this is your last chance fling now who sent you here and why now remember the first plank pose and whisker on capisce weapon now we're gettin somewhere essential uh-huh oil can did he say loyal kill increase the voltage how much you think you could take he's an electro holic always too many in a trillion isn't enough home is the loneliest number you know fainted hurry all of you we've got to locate that bomb yes sir come on man oh no you don't know Van Damme and Van Damme in damn you all to hell hi this is great the director chooses close-ups for the action sequences are perfect all great there's still parking or hard to find a fire we communicate by gasping hey look Ana was pretty Rocky hurry again where's Ken damn that's a good question let's talk about it on the way home five minutes that bomb goes off they're still in there we have to leave why are they still in there what's happened to Ken aw he's in the Barbie and sad really in 20 seconds but you're skirting the whole kid issue every time I really like a guy hey you know I love my work I never think I've got to go to work I just love it that [ __ ] what what is it's gone easy that's it easy does it I'm serious about mufflers three minutes till the explosion I can still get in a quick one yeah we gotta get an equipment to go please wait sir get in damn can't be that far away hmm all right I'm feeling really good this is the song starting up our manly favorite fugitive alias all don't try to kill us with a four day won't take very long relax and sing along Oh Frick you like you know Tommy we're movie like fugitive alien can make you cry and it can make it cry but the thing I treasure most and I'm speaking from the heart here this is totally off script is the music oh this is so true moan crow songs of love and adventure and if I may wimzie no but you know my favorite was the heart-rending ballad in which the wistful Tammy pledges her love to Ken it goes a little something like this I love can he is my sweet friend and I love can he is my sweet friend and I'm so blue cuz I don't think and loves me so blue cuz I don't think and bolts I'm all messed up inside I might have to all hell messed up inside I might have to all frame rocky and get away Scott from the rocky in kurtal where he's called my love can he is my sweet friend and I love your coffee wrong chuckle I'm so blue cuz I don't think and loves me so narrow Martina I'm masked up inside I my after I saw Jason saving in my Christmas Day on Christmas Day it's all frames hockey and gasps away scot-free right this man is homeless aren't they ladies and gentlemen cambot Brown and his band Reno yeah smoke yeah to treat it's got a real cool feel yeah Oh flying high with a Star Wolf fire it up the ship yeah and we're hitting the town with groovy can and Tammy Oh swing it rockin Joe wow man let's do other guys who we don't really know forget a play down the Fuji and head for the stars man it's true what if I could get a little serious for a moment well what was wondering where we'd be without our boys and girls and shiny with pleasure the next approach right there she departed to going with me she wanna do one with me let's all do it sandy Frank we just and why we want to sing at the sin defrag I said on his gesture ganas raise American crime yeah we're taking home I'm feeling really good feel so good it shows to me and that's our song we hope that you enjoy and if you thought it was super and try come on and give us with a four day what we wanna do with love from us too they say the song no no you are mr. show business slow it was you were able smoked in absolutely catchy mega turbo 2.0 well they they blew it up before we found out what it was food glued it up I see this is why we don't let teenagers in the hotels anymore this kind of stuff mentally new kids look I'm sorry all right the terrific super really super here goes great ah cherry bark cherry I haven't won all day never found out how big that thing was really now in relative scale wait wait what was the flap here up to its far vanillin gone horribly wrong I hope this reminds me from the birds I'll go remember how much for mayor hey do they have another herb Elbert take and really get sick penis pig correct recycled again yeah that really does look good though let's meet your brother did Kissinger order to this a little Schwartzman so there's stuff blowing up and pretty much that's pretty neat blowing it up yep fur doodle doo add some money to blow here oh yeah this is pretty cool it does look good though oh really good or deal destruction sorry everyone sorry only meant to blow up that one thing sorry to put you on the river today yep and they still haven't hit that her here goes whoa Dex Oh big guy can't begin to tell you how proud I am of you guys cuz journalists cruel Kenda never had sorry hey Ken hmm pull my finger then do that funny face you do pull my finger - I love it when they do that see it's all working out I wish your mother were here to see this hmm oh yeah Rangers team Simmons report good news a research center on earth has just developed a bomb that can destroy a whole planet and you guys can't cut a simple steak and shrimp combo gained control of that bomb and then bail know will dominate the universe sizer the University of wisconsin-madison a tradition of excellence for over I'll be waiting for you captain five neat guys you ready one old aluminum plant it's too dangerous I'm sorry my father was detained he wanted to welcome you mother hmm what what's up Ken Louisa look like my mother why'd she run away cuz she hated kids maybe more hey not so fast can take it easy you know you haven't seen her in several years since I get oh my god it's not that she died hmm but no one ever really proved it that's why I can't snap out of it well this is your mother now try out we've been assigned to escort this young lady I beg your pardon hybl right the problem is my father ever since he developed that bomb all sorts of people have been threatening me look sir they're being attacked by miles from members-only no ships the Dave Clark Five and they're being attacked by Dino desi and Billy it's like one of those obsession ads if this is love then find me guilty hey it's a guy from Delta Epsilon gypsy girls who signify this kind of stuff always happens on campus yeah those soldiers move faster than I expected yeah you know what Guido Sarducci the manufacturer of my invention sugar in this desert on this microfilm so it doesn't stick to devil work hey you mean this little film contains information on a bomb powerful enough to blow up the entire universe no matter what happens to me captain this microfilm must not fall into the wrong hands why are they meeting in the shower ask me not to make this invention public by the way you're sitting on the urinal Tammy's got a Weber courses again mother why does she always run away why is she younger than me Oh and now he's outside I'd say this part of the movie is a strict we were a little weird hi mom where'd you get the meadow where the catering squad hi Kiba greetings from our headquarters we have orders to bring you there captain's sporting a bike rack there tell your headquarters they can forget their orders captain - Wednesday says hasta filmed in convolution vision Hall sir well there's one in the Sam scratch it's going on this is an entirely different movie we're watching here it was halcón from Linda goes back hey this side she's still alive Kent where the hell did you come from all three of them were to be taken back to viola I'll get me a spoon Halcon was going to hold them as hostages just a minute this lady can tell you the rest the rest of the story hi can you do it he wanted me to infiltrate your operation posing as Ken's mother then he was going to kill her I better pay how can a visit huh Ken you're not going to bound him dressed like that easy he's right Ken what other choice do I have you can get a smaller dome back on how can no way Jose it's gotta be me it's just gotta be me no responsibility you'd be acting on your own Ken what we can do is wish your good luck maybe pack you a few sandwich and reside SID that would be nice he must be destroyed by a star wolf you'll always be a star wolf never a star yeah is that so awful if I'm able to use my strength for a good cause I'm just doing what Jerry does without kids don't be a fool don't be a fool with your life Billy nobody admires you more than I do you're no match Halcon don't be so sure how can train me for every sort of combat and you taught me well one thing that halcón didn't teach you was to fight as dirty as he does which is the reason why you better take some Earthlings along because we're basically such a nice thing huh you think boy yeah I wonder what the king is drinking tonight Oh another orrin hatch no this one's a Richard Hatch one wretches sour two wretched star wolves I don't see any danger in that he had a space escort with him what's become of the others well we're trying to rotate them master he's climbing Ronny we're dead every one of them if they're not dead by nightfall you'll die yes master use cute kinda looks like Tammy Faye I think star wolf came for me hello star wolf tell how I'll how can I promised I'd return here to settle the score I believe it was 15-love something like that don't move you know you can't bring yourself to kill me I'm wearing my magic rain cape and ski glow after all Star Wolf I'm the one who created you everything you are and everything you know you learned from me well everything I learned I learned in kindergarten I reached up oh oh my god you're wrong everything I learned from you was wrong like three-card Monte taught me was evil evil evil now I've seen another way of life a life that's honest and decent I'm gonna be coming now and come back to destroy you and your evil Ness Bing now die no you're the ones gonna die oh you're the one who's gonna die don't you know you're anyone who's gonna reduce who's gonna die maybe I am gonna die hi Kiba now I want you to sing like Tommy tune Lord how can Bacchus Bacchus tree has headed straight for our fortress well I'll say that kind of looks like Captain Jose in the bucket you know yeah yeah he's had a few it's the opening of Mannix sorry Dunham's monkeys hi that was convenient oh look at the fender some results classic Mannix disarmed Jackie Chan he is 9 wait a minute Star Wolf why don't we discuss this over a cocktail in some calamari well done that's all what's the good of killing me we can be allies hey why not Oh big mistake oh you're dumber than I thought guys towel oh another one you know women just shouldn't hang around this guy Oh boys substitute mom can listen I'm not your real mother but an incredible simulation sometime can I have a neat where'd you get girl on a stick this must be halcon's work else notice a fine detail the craftsmanship look how comes getting away oh yeah she's not supercar super-tall this is it this is it the night of nights no more rehearsing and nursing up huh sorry ah this is Bernard Sean downtown Baghdad I'm under a table I'm writing candy that was George Bernard Shaw Baghdad so why didn't your fighting over a Heidelberg guy he's got to go bad that one puppet chips to the rescue with a fork have I seen this before on oh I don't know long time ago in a galaxy far far away huh why I said pretty much attacks always urging himself on self-motivation now die you die Joe you'll never destroy me still can't destroy me I quit oh well pisses the fleas gotta slow it down I mean please the chinking is get along there goes old main all campus is gone now hmm Jenkins get along are you glad we're heading for ya cuz they have Dennis there hmmm girl I can hardly wait to see Charlie switch-hitter you what's wrong with you Ken I would have thought you'd be a little more enthusiastic captain dang I've got something to tell you I want to be a woman you guys what no no no it was great knowing it it was I've got to go back to bellman yeah we hear your theme song what do you hope to accomplish there well he signed up for health doesn't understand I could use the rest of it was a team land destroyed perhaps I can help build a new nation there a new civilization I think you can change the world to you that's an impossible job you need 10 lifetimes to complete it think it over why don't you just stick with us Ken after all you started life as an Earthling yeah I'll get help maybe Harrison's with the staff as missionaries and died there I want to finish their work it's not exactly on our way you're a decision boy his cheeks are huge good luck Ken Starr Wolf Gang sight I think I'll just shake your hand but I won't kiss you kind of like a bison Billy don't be a hero man it's been great thanks Dan or whatever your name is new guy I think I woulda liked we've been through a lot together yeah soul brother Tammy I'll never forget you and I'll never forget you um uh Ken downtown back ready now take off he goes hmm Oh good night sweet prince look at that suit what is it going to be in swing choir something and we have closure fugitive alien will be back in huge it an alien come home fugitive alien 3 the next day the final chapter 3,000 let's see here Brewster's Millions Brian saw oh no no I couldn't handle Brian's song again crow when I saw that I was Stewie I for a week oh it didn't affect me that way at all you know I got some other things going on in my life hey what are you doing oh we're just looking through Leonard Waltons movie guide uh thinking of shooting the man's a memo open that they'd welcome some input on the experiment selection yeah you know they don't have to all be as bad as on we saw today maybe all our interest can be served Kang it can be a win-win situation I don't know about that the man seemed to be pretty territorial about stuff like that one thing you have to admit at the end of this movie that evil villain they had was actually pretty evil you won't give me the one with the heavy rules yeah in the face I was dipped in a huge metal whiteout okay I know what you mean Joel he scared me so much I almost started watching the movie yeah well he was kind of like somebody's idea of everything evil all rolled into one you know you got a point there Joel kind of brought together the terrifying aspects of Nazis and mimes in Marsha Mason our Marilyn Quayle oh hey well listen if you guys wanted to how would you make your ultimate evil person who would it be made up let's see I'd combine the Wolfman and Mothra and the bad Lee Marvin from Cat Ballou who yeah that's great I take Tom T Hall uh add Roy Clark and a little Donna Fargo all the possibilities Richard Nixon Richard the third and Keith Richards you know but according to the fellowship of the white board Richard the third was actually a fun man that's sovereign I don't even really think of Keith Richards is that evil Oh what he's so scary oh you think so Richard Nixon is our bud but gypsy you uh you like Richard Basehart hmm it's nice girl how about Howie Mandel ah David Brenner and Gallagher yeah or David Brenner Andy rude David Brenner and a fair oh yeah that one stung very wittily I hate mondays yeah I know what you mean anyway I think we need something kind of uplifting so I brought along these letters here right uh this first one let's put that on still store cambot this first one comes from an Eddie Hogan of New Jersey he writes hello my name is Eddie and I would like to join your information club as you can tell I'm not very good at good I I do not have very good writing and I'm already 13 it's too gets over I hate school homework teachers and cheesy movies go ahead I'm a big fan and I think you're all funny even gypsy i watch your show on Saturdays I would watch them Monday through Friday but they're on at 10:00 a.m. and I'm in school falling asleep oh that's good another one that was really on what Big Joe LaLanne this one seems happier let's put this one up on still story I might want to get into breakfast wrong Oh anyway well this one has Tom servo saying what are we cowboys I'd like to shoot that intro then gypsies are saying Richard Basehart RAM chips hung up that's her and then crow saint shut up I can't take any more get on with it already geez yeah and then it's got me saying well it can also double as a can opener and then it's got the mad sync Isle is Frank and then Frank saying I will I will file this I will file it it's really a nice rendition of Frank too isn't it yeah it is that's pretty good those people weren't even at all were they you know I came up with another one coffee ice cream paper cuts and Dan Haggerty ah oh you're just getting weird in there results in creativity what do you think sirs well Martin Buber I hardly think you're qualified to be considering the nature of Eeyore push the button Frank hey I like Tom T haw Frank think Evel I love baby duck Oh Frank we're just embarrassing me now be Koopa kookie kookie baby baby now you captain I've got it fixed it's all working again this has been a presentation from Comedy Central

Channel: analogkid01

Views: 451,595

Rating: 4.7853231 out of 5

Keywords: MST3k, 318, Star, Force, Fugitive, Alien, II

Id: OSf2Td8ZZQs

Length: 120min 0sec (7200 seconds)

Published: Sat May 21 2011