<i>♪ The Addams family ♪</i> (THUNDER CRASHING) (PLAYING HARPSICHORD) It's unbelievable. Our own son. He was always
such a good boy. Keeping to the basement,
playing with his octopus. It's terrible. You--You must do
something about it. After all, darling,
the Addams family honor. You're right. Family honor. (THUNDER CRASHING) Thank you, Thing. (THUNDER CRASHES) It's worse than I thought.
He's wearing it. (GASPS) I don't believe it. I want to see it
with my own eyes. We've lost him. Can I look, Mother? Certainly not. Grandmama,
take her to her room. I can't stand
these weird things. I'm gonna sit in my tree house
and watch the lightning. Our poor boy.
Something's come over him. What are we going to do? Darling,
I must have time to think. After all, this isn't
some boyish prank like setting
the house on fire. You've spoiled the boy,
that's what you've done. How? How? Well, what other boy
has a playroom like this? I don't see any harm
in a few simple toys. You call this rack
a simple toy? Why, this is luxury,
pure luxury. And how about this battle-ax? It was the boy's
fifth birthday, and he was so tired
of his blowgun. Oh, fine. You know, my father
wouldn't even let me touch one of these
until I was eight. You know, I didn't become
what I am by accident. I had upbringing
like no other. Like no other. Eight years old. And how old was he
when you gave him
this little toy? That's not Pugsley's,
that's little Wednesday's. Oh, Wednesday's.
You're gonna
spoil her, too, huh? (SIGHING) Perhaps we have been
pampering them too much. Well, there's really
nothing to worry about. Oh, yes, there is. A 10-year-old boy
sneaking around in
a Boy Scout uniform. GOMEZ: Darling,
there's something I was hoping
I wouldn't have to tell you. The other afternoon I saw
Pugsley playing with a bat. A bat? Oh, well,
that's more like our boy. A baseball bat. It's a game played outdoors.
In the sun. Oh, no. You know what I think? The boy needs help. No, tomorrow's another day. We'll bide our time. Maybe he'll come out of it. Perhaps you're right. We can only hope. Let's go upstairs to bed. Why, thank you, Thing. Thank heaven
Thing is still normal. Come along, darling,
I want to show you
my new nightgown. Do you like it? Adore it. Tish,
let's go down to the cave. Oh, that we save for
special occasions,<i> bubele.</i> You know what you do
when you call me that. Well, it just slipped out. Now control yourself, Gomez. I'll try. Let me do that.
You did mine last night. Oh, that scent's beautiful. Buy a barrel of it. That's the only way it comes. Darling, I'm sorry, I just can't think
of anything tonight
except our poor Pugsley. (SIGHS) I understand. Who'd ever thought
we'd have a problem child? I wonder if blondes
do have more fun. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Watch it, Tish. Watch it! Wonderful. For a minute there I thought
I was going to miss. I love to watch you
play with these trains. It brings out the real you. It's not the same
without little Pugsley. He's a great train wrecker. It's a shame to see
natural talent go to waste. Tish, would you like to
see me blow up three trains? Oh, darling,
you know I would. But I have to fix your lunch. We're having your favorite,
eye of newt. Broiled. Just a minute, Son.
What's the hurry? I've got things to do.
I gotta go. But you forgot
to feed Aristotle. Gomez, have you noticed
how Pugsley's been ignoring
poor Aristotle lately? Well, he does look
a little pale
around the tentacles. Look at those sad eyes. I wonder where he went
in such a hurry. Oh, I do hope
he went to the mineshaft. The dankness
does things for him. (GASPING) Gomez! What is it? He's out there
playing with an it. Maybe it's a baby armadillo. Please, let's not pretend. We all know what it is. It's a P-U-P-P-Y. Lurch. (GONG RESOUNDING) You rang? Go get Pugsley
and take him to his room. I wanna have a talk with him. He's out there
playing with... I know. Well, maybe we could all learn
to love the little P-U-P-P-Y. Uncle Fester,
go to your room. Come with me. I can't right now. (WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) GOMEZ:
May I come in, Son? Just a second. I hope I'm not interrupting. No, I wasn't doing
anything special. Good, I thought
we'd have a chat. (SIGHS) May be a little difficult
for you to realize, Pugsley, but I was once
a boy your age. It is a little hard
to think of you at 10. Oh, I was a typical child. Faced with all
the typical temptations. The important thing, Pugsley, is for a boy not to
take a wrong turn. I'll never forget
when I was a boy, I stood in front of
Bailey's department store, admiring a display
of gaudy uniforms,
mess kits, pup tents, those fat little knives. I often wondered
what would have happened if I had tied
that first knot. Gosh, Dad, you might have
ended up as a Scoutmaster. Boy, you're sicker
than I thought. Don't you realize
that all he's going to
grow up to be is a dog? Oh, it went that badly, dear? Terrible. He even called me "Dad." Thank heaven
he's never called me "Mom." First serious talk
I've had with the lad
and I botched it. Where did we fail, Gomez? Who knows? I have it. He's still a baby. Tonight when I tuck him in, I'll read him something
nice and soothing. "Once upon a midnight dreary "While I pondered,
weak and weary "Over many a quaint
and curious volume of
forgotten lore "While I nodded,
nearly napping, suddenly there came
a tapping..." Pugsley, darling,
you're not listening. <i>The Raven</i> was always
one of your favorites. You said it made you
feel so nice and cozy. I like it all right. I've just got
other things on my mind. Mother knows. She knows when her
little boy is upset. I'm not upset. But you are, darling,
you're all flushed. Lost your lovely pallor. Now, why don't you put
all these strange thoughts
out of your mind? I'll get your alligator. Oh. Oh, you poor dear. "Plumbers, proxy solicitors, "psychologist, child." Morticia, must we? Darling, we need help.
Dr. Black. Black? Well, at least
he sounds friendly. MORTICIA: 5432... I can see
she has a real problem. It's not Mrs. Addams. Oh. It's his problem. It's our Pugsley. What is a Pugsley? Pugsley is our son. Oh, a child problem. (LAUGHS)
I've got one of my own. No wonder you two look so... You should see
how my wife and I
look some days. I'll never forget... Just what seems
to be the trouble? Well, in the first place, it's those terrible clothes
he's been wearing. Uh-huh, beatnik. That wouldn't be bad. Really? But on top of that
he's suddenly
attached himself to the strangest creature. A girl? An animal. The retreat-to-the-forest
syndrome. They all go through
these things. We never did. Believe me, most parents
have the same problem. Weird clothes
and strange pets, all bidding for
more attention. Well, give him a little more. Cater to his childish whims. Cater to such
outrageous behavior?
Mmm-hmm. And in a few days,
you'll have your boy
back again. Well. Thank you, Doctor. You modern psychologists
certainly have a way of getting to
the heart of things. We do, don't we? Yes. Oh, come here, darling. You want to see me, Mom? Yes, I always want
to see you, darling. What's closer in this world
than a boy and his mother? A boy and his octopus? Maybe. Would you like
to help me feed Cleopatra? PUGSLEY: I can't, Mom.
I have to go up and read. Now, now, Cleopatra. Mind your manners, darling. What is it you're reading,
darling? <i>"How to Become
an Eagle Scout."</i> Oh, is that about an eagle
who carries off a scout? Don't think so. Well,
read what you please, dear. Oh, I see you have on
your lovely neckerchief. May I try it on? Sure. Now I have to go up
and read my manual. Keep the neckerchief, Mother,
I'll get another. Oh, Cleopatra, there is
real tragedy in this house. (SLURPING) Put them back, Lurch.
Doctor's orders. We must cater
to his every whim
until this phase passes. Where did you find him? He was out in
front of the house
in that uniform, helping an old lady
across the street. Aren't you gonna punish him? GOMEZ: For what? The things kids
get away with today. Pugsley, that's certainly
a smart-looking uniform. Mind if I try on the hat? Gosh, no, Dad. How do I look? Sharp. Been a long time
since you and I have had a real romp
with the trains. Lately we haven't had a chance
to be together much, have we? Guess not. Remember how we always used to
enjoy blowing up the bridge? Today I've got
dynamite under the bridge
and the water tower. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) You do? Next time she comes around,
you grab the plunger
and let her rip. All right, here she comes.
Got the plunger? 4, 3, 2, 1, now! (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I'm sorry, Dad,
I'm just not in the mood. (SPUTTERING) (SLURPING) Morticia, I failed again. (GULPS) We've both failed. We've lost touch with him. Maybe we were thoughtless. That summer we were
too busy to go into
the bat cave with him. Now he throws balls at them. Dr. Black, I'm just
afraid it's an emergency. You're going to
have to come over. (DOG WHIMPERING) But we did do
as you suggested. We have catered to his whims. We have paid
attention to him. But it just
doesn't do any good. You have no idea
the strange things he's been bringing
into this house. You're just going
to have to come over. (FOGHORN SOUNDING) Dr. Black,
I'm so glad you're here. We've been at our wits' end
over our Pugsley. Just look at this mess. I can see your problem. Isn't this sickening? Ghastly. You told us
to cater to him. Well, this is the result. Horrible. I guess I am partly to blame, but I think you went
a little too far. Much too far. As a matter of fact,
this is the most extreme
case of over-catering I've ever seen. Oh, Dr. Black, this is
Pugsley's uncle, Fester. How do you...do? (CLICKING TONGUE) I see you've been catering
to the boy, too. And how. Excuse me,
those, uh, those things
you're carrying... I'm taking them up
to Pugsley's room. Aren't they dangerously large
firecrackers for a boy? Oh, they're not firecrackers,
they're dynamite. Uh, Mrs. Addams,
I know I'm responsible
for what's going on here, but I'm afraid
things have gotten
too far out of hand. I better take over. I think I'll go up
and have a talk with the boy. Very well. It's the door
at the head of the stairs, the one with the baby vultures
painted on it. Oh, come on, Pugsley,
let's have a blast, just for old times' sake, huh? (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Who is it? BLACK: It's Dr. Black, sonny. Your mommy asked me to
have a little chat with you. Come in, sir. I, uh, I think you've done
more than your part. I'll take it from here. Good luck. You, uh,
you really like the way
your Uncle Fester looks? Oh, sure. He looks fine. I can see we're going
to have to have quite a chat. What's going on? He's up there. With Pugsley? Yes. Oh, dear. Maybe we shouldn't have
taken his ax away
when he was a baby. He seemed so happy
chopping up things. And it was good exercise. Wish I knew
what was going on up there. I'll climb up
and take a look. Excellent idea. And then we took the rope
and we put it
around and around... (GRUNTS) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) (EXPLOSION) (GRUNTING) How's it going? Oh, great. You know, that doctor's
a lot smarter than he looks. (DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING) Thank heaven.
Pugsley's past the crisis. Doctor,
is everything all right? Naturally. All that had to be done
was to release the boy's
inner antagonisms. See, Morticia?
Pugsley's come through. Magnificently. Once again,
he's the wonderful boy
you both loved. Oh, thank heaven. Now I can get rid of
all this ridiculous mess. By all means do. Get your house
back to normal. Thank you so much, Doctor. Goodbye, Mrs. Addams. Goodbye. You uncles. You pamper the children
worse than the parents do. Ah, here's a surprise. It says Dr. Black has quit. Quit? Why? Going back to school. Oh. I think we should
send him a present. The turtle. Oh, something
better than that. Better than the turtle? (PUGSLEY HOWLING) (BARKING) After all,
he did give us our boy back. (GROWLING)
Very funny show!
❤️❤️❤️ That Is All.