Mock The Week Series 14 Episode 2 - Rob Beckett, Milton Jones, Ellie Taylor, Josh Widdicombe

hello and welcome to Mock the Week I'm Dara Breen joining this week our Andy Parsons Ellie Taylor and Rob Becca's Josh Widdicombe Hugh Dennis and Milton Jones we saw an around call if this is the answer what is the question on the board are six categories le which category would you like and science please science yes warm up our team your category is science the answer is seven months what is the question is it how old Princess Charlotte will be when the Daily Mail start commenting on her weight is it how long does my nephew think I've been playing hide-and-seek with him is it how long until Sepp Blatter gets bombed in prison is it how old is Jack Whitehall when he first appeared on this program is it if I get a 30-second advert before YouTube video how long does that feel some of you have to prove over 18 as well it's a nightmare is it if I was in charge what would be the prison sentence for saying chillax is it how long does it take to get to Glasgow on a mega bus yes and no be once I am accepted face ever gone on a mega but I'm on every mega bus fare is it how long it takes tower to start a sentence ah reading on britain qatal know though you did dodge even haven't got over that Britain's Got Talent in you know it it wakes on a road and continue to until they hunt that man down and kill again is the fact that it was a snippet that they chose in their in all the axes that I would they take one second from each act and here's just get him going number underneath ok donate any 999 there's no more to me than that is that no you need to avoid suspicion how long is monk fara planning to run his next ten thousand ok convinces correct answer please yeah how long it took for me to get over see my dad in the bath that's very quick actually look yeah took me four years really what's he looking at my dad the question is what was your dad doing in his box Friday nights Friday night it's to do with that thing on the comet it's to do with that tango somebody on that oh my god it's vitally how long was the space probe that landed on the comet asleep for absolutely right thank you very much the question I was looking for is how long had the Philly Lander spacecraft spent in hibernation after it landed on a comet in November last year after seven months of receiving no contact in Philly the European Space are you really weekend that the probe had made contact with scientists again Frank Chester with Megan basically the signal apparently takes half an hour to get to earth and the battery lasts 87 seconds that is a bit like being on o2 with an iPhone for that isn't it the M priest I was sent from the fillet account we just had hallo earth can you hear me I was in charge of the Twitter account I just put all [ __ ] aliens I can't believe he's got reception in space I can't even got Wi-Fi in my kitchen interesting that as a British probe it was like it didn't do anything for seven months got a little bit of sunshine and was like oh all excited I reckon he's got a little knotted hankie open I did some rounders and a barbecue if you complain with the heating Oh too hot too hot now this is an exact correct moment where it's just the right amount of heat oh god I'm tired of barbecues now it reported back that the temperate average temperature of the comet minus 50 degrees so apparently FIFA are thinking of awarding it I looked up at the plow the other day and I thought to myself I really regret lying down in this field what they said was it was essentially like chucking a washing machine out of an airliner and trying to land it on the space the size of Regents Park now I used to live near regents park in Camden and a lot of the back gardens did have washing machines in them cracks at this experiment not small technical is it a Dyson who's taking that photo that's wrong that's not actually photograph on there the conductance mistake that's what I discovered that apparently that the the water on the comet is not the right water tail it's not the right water known as Earth it's not the right water anything yeah how does that work did they find fizzy instead of still different can the water be you saw the barf in it yes begins you still she Rob's dad in there yes if I close my eyes I can still see Rob how has the behavior of Western tourists upset people in Malaysia recently this is the girl that I'm yes stripped off on top of the mountain yes gate from boobs monkey well she said that they didn't know that it was an issue but you just presume that when you go to places this like if I walk into some Paul's Cathedral I'm not looking for a sign with like a penis with the Red Cross I'm just going there's no don't see my [ __ ] just swaying gently don't see you written anywhere I'm you produce a rule but for me emotionally like this he wasn't there six days between our getting there kit off and the earthquake so thanks gods they took quite a long time to decide to be offended in that I'm wondering if they spent a lot of that time just looking at the photos it has become a thing I mean this is this is the one the ship phone has taken them they're all dooms really trapped in it we've we've them up mountains people Jewish yeah alright you held it out almost like to a canyon champ it's not gonna cross right do this is you know turnstiles first arch actually didn't know each other they're just meeting for the first time oh I know my washing machine is under comment and how is an Italian neuroscience is hoping to make medical history it's just brilliant this is an absolutely fantastic story he is planning to give someone a head transplant or to take someone's head off and Transplant it onto another body submit ridiculous so in it like Oh in demand all right those I'm going finally I can get it now all these years no mix-up ahead try found in the body trance off no one is going if only my body had the head observed yeah do you want slight rip don't you yeah I reckon he's on the flag I reckon he's gonna get to people or quite similar get one of them get where the other one let's do like that we've got in line running it never ever want to be a head donor with you cuz enter sounds like a PC job title for a prostitute isn't as baby I don't think and I know little about sex injury that they regardless the donation all right you're not giving head yes you are accountable for the sexy baby to go the head is free it's the companionship your paper if you ain't seeing somebody for ages yeah and when every what's in them they'd always been in a wheelchair and then you suddenly saw them walking along the street you'd be quite freaked out by that wouldn't you right but it would not be as freaky as if you thought somebody had died and then you saw them walking along the street with exactly the same tattoos as the person who died that would freak you out I would be an element of you would want a you know I don't know if you can request no tattoos though wake up I'm not married to me but what I was just doing here this is gonna be awkward your go-to name for a wife was maybe yes actually dutchy marry at those two hours I thought all the six of the English major that's a standard English given my beautiful white shoes a few times if you put a head on someone else's body yeah Oh heads gender-specific don't have to go on the same oh that's a very interesting question because obviously you'd have to find the match with you sometimes a head is much too large for about it so for example if your head right was the down was the go on posh spice lovely lovely of alright guys video which of the news we've been loving ferocious that I would be having some confusing feelings looking at that who to be dropping out Searcy just be honest with me would you here Bob and the situation would be like those superhero mashup toys actually kind which parts go what they chose them well possibly no one no they did they choose scary because she's like you know they give you a catalogue of all of just the Spice Girls is misunderstood the story I think I need a new body well these are fight exact choices oh that's unusual and so I could choose what are the All Saints kazuma yeah if you remember then angel then she that's what the sugar beams have been for ten years in here I didn't call third mock from the Sun this game involves Eddie and Milton so if you could make your way to the performance area please this rounds the stand of challenge I like to read of news and whoever chooses to stop one of our performers will step forward and talk about that subject okay here we go let them look at the first topic and the first of Julia's relationships so I've got quite a closer relationship with my sister and she's got my little nephew Henry who is a prick there he is don't take his side you ever met him because before he came along I was the youngest in the family I was a baby of the family which we all know is the socially acceptable way for saying favorite role I was born to play until my sister slag emic Sigerson guys off knocked up by some dude she had barely been merited for six years suddenly it was all about her and the baby within now initially naively I did actually get quite excited about the pregnancy so I think especially from like a female point of view you wouldn't be human if you didn't get excited about your sister putting on a lot of weight had a lot of fun with that we did I changed her ringtone to the sound of a large lorry reversing to systole banter really but the banter stopped when the baby came because suddenly it was all about him no one paid me any attention anymore like I don't if you've ever had like sort of a family dinner with a small child around it's a nightmare there's food being throwing the [ __ ] everywhere there's tips hanging out you name it I tried it still nothing very good okay that leaves us with Milton let's see what you've been given I spin the wheel ah the topic is entertainment I'm reading a book at the moment it's called the anti climax the first part is good I see Rihanna had to cancel the concert because she got Salmonella ella ella i also see down by the thames they're making another wheel this time dedicated to Mary Poppins called the London um diddle diddle diddle um diddle I my grandmother she got her scarf caught in one of those Ferris wheels but she did regain consciousness after all what Goes Around I was in a nativity play once I was the man who scares the children because he comes into the hall on the wrong day to play badminton Lionel Richie says allo by the way the other day I saw a sheet pole dancing in a kebab shop our next round is called picture of the week I showed the panel of topical image and the ask them to tell you what's happening so what's going on here yeah thing when a dog's eaten a be stay becoming getting six pages is this really the complete list of taxpayers in Greece is it David Cameron can almost smell the [ __ ] coming off the Tory manifesto all right we got a bit critical didn't I see looking at the tea menu and he's saying I have the millionaire's shortbread or as I call it shortbread if it camera an upset to see no Dizzee Rascal on the karaoke song book he does a very good Vaughn chrism is it Cameron orders Eton Mess for dessert and for the country women has that get ahead transmission tiny dick now by the whole of it have you got a third joke but you're gonna do about Cameron preparing to sell NHS at auction be alive is that Cameron checking the TV listings going Rob Beckett's on Mott the wait that's the end of me them his hard-hitting caustic satire is losing me surgery he's knocking me on that we've to change so good I'll just put your hand up in there I'm a Wright brothers am i right yeah the Gans in the bath and I got some politics cameron reading a note that just says david this is the only way I could speak to you I haven't heard from you since May the 7th Paul make Nick excellent what event is going on says here Nick Clegg is in fact doing the Sheffield panto at Christmas that's what it says it he phones back this I think is Cameron at the g7 is that it is absolutely yes his camera at the G 7th why is he having these high-level meetings he's trying to kind of get them to make some changes to the EU to convince cuz because we're doing this whole EU vote I think the EU is misbranded no one would want to leave if I called it the League of Legends if they said do you want to leave the League of Legends I go no mate I'm the chairman we've got a vote again already only vote it's nothing like it's two years time got a soffit like a pedo waiting around school halls 8:00 in the morning balances you don't wait around for two years I in fact I strongly into the holidays now what are the at what what's its major concessions mainly on free movement of people on immigration yes but that and the status of essentially the whole point of it is that you can yeah you can't deny benefits to people cuz you gotta treat them as your own citizens right so how is he gonna stop you were putting these computers right dari you've been claiming office for ten years right I think cheer that yeah finally somebody has a nerve to say it mr. giant head pot leg well you keep made you a campaign issue stop this man attitude of your err is human got a big pictures of me yeah picture me go like that yeah this man pam pam pam could you be just grabbing a cash singular Alaura thirty years ago it was all Warsaw Pact Warsaw Pact but now it's empty if we leave Europe will have to pay more for kinder eggs let go enough as it is ya know you know if we leave Europe we'll get the kinder egg and we're open up to be no toy Wow so somebody just canceled Christmas what we could do is deliver France an ultimatum saying that we don't get our way we'll call greg's a patisserie he never knew why is an American civil rights campaigner in trouble this week basically uh she she's been pretending to be black hasn't she she wasn't she was born white parents whose childhood pictures of her with fair skin and fair hair you know she's essentially the opposite of Michael Jackson isn't she I'm gonna very different journey I'll give us and that is Rachel Dolezal as a teenager I presume that it was something Asian I think of the year and then she who she is today she now kids we black air and works for the n-double-a-cp which there's like a tournament if you look black in the second shot they she looks orange and she's now is on the job but maybe Atomic Kitten can take her on you never know okay it could be Netflix PR thing you know it could be orange is the new black might be the it might be a distant Ally that's got outta hand Jeremy we're all live right in the pasture sort of like impressed fear do I once told a girl Swedish alright which was our to keep up now we're married exactly don't care three times a week just for new words just kind of lied about a race to get this job or whatever potentially I don't know what I do that like if my agent came to me and said they're gonna recast The Fresh Prince of bel-air I've got you an audition for the lead role I don't know whether I'd do it you want to be pulled out that's the one for you take yourself thought you've never asked you sound like Rob Beckett's dad this might said it is we loving this guy knows me in a bar she has resigned her job with it is this lady who pretend to be black okay and was dogged in by her parents which is a bit that yes they did they do her a strange parents which is the a Comanche yeah I thought when a strange I've always heard strange when I was a kid and they say uh and his estranged wife I just presume and strange talk about me Oh crazy Mabel is she able to resume remember when this show is about the news needs to be people complaining this our topic another [ __ ] you ok again and the points go to Joshua now we come to scenes we'd like to see so if everyone can make the way over to the performance area I'll read out this week's topics and then we'll see what our panelists can come up with okay here we go the first subject is things you wouldn't hear on a survival show this is the most terrifying animal you can see in the wild it has the body of posh spice of course if you're on an expedition you must always make sure you boil all the water now this could really slow you down if you come to a lake it's been 17 days since my last proper meal and I am beachbody ready [ __ ] bear are you related to George Foreman grills I've not had a bath for days on end and that's because Rob Beckett's dad there is barely any water here so we've been collecting our urine but this morning some of it was gone and that he's taking the piss spent three days in the jungle with nothing to eat but raw caterpillars I remember the moment I walked back into civilization for there are a few butterflies in my stomach until when I was thirsty I was forced to drink my own urine I'm now hungry and dreading dinner and when you're in the wild you've got remember what you learn at Scouts don't tell anyone our little secret well night is falling it's raining and I'm in the shelter but it still feels dangerous here there are six teenagers staring at me and the bus doesn't arrive for 20 minutes if you suddenly see a bear extremely close to you the best thing to do stand Stockstill pull down your trousers and just let it have sex with you on the men's island Derrick's drinking coconut water because Derrick's are hipster [ __ ] after three months totally alone on the island is amazing that John hasn't gone mad isn't that right John yeah too soon so I've managed to make a raft to escape the island by smashing up some boats the next topic is unlikely things to hear over a tannoy ladies and gentlemen good afternoon and welcome to Waitrose you smug rich pricks this is not a drill I repeat this is not a drill would somebody please go to the power tools aisle and get me a drill if you see an unattended bag please don't report it remember you're in world of luggage good evening ladies top shop will be closing in five minutes please make your way to the till unless you're over 30 in which case piss off - where - you ancient old hag this is announcement for the front desk of these swoon baths could doctor someone's done a [ __ ] in the pool please come to reception would the couple having sex in aisle two please stop spillage in aisle two the 16:25 has unfortunately been cancelled and has been replaced by replacement bus service easyJet would like to apologize passengers are going to Greece I only work in the post office for the crumpit watch this widow number two please in tonight's performance of chitty-chitty-bang-bang the part of the child catcher will be played by a 1970s TV presenter welcome to sexy stairways I'm just going to pop on the seatbelt sign for a moment because we're swapping to a lady pilot we are now coming into land in Russia where the local time is 1956 welcome aboard the one-way saga service special to Switzerland let's travel off attention to the submarine crew of hms Nando's be careful not to burn your eyes on the peri-peri scope lost children can be found at the lost children tent if they're not claimed by the end of the day they will be destroyed welcome to mega bus things haven't worked out quite as well as you are vanilla welcome to the sexist supermarket checkout number three hey get that right the points gonna drop you would and back in the show this week's winners are me Parsons any Terran Rebecca commiseration - Josh Widdicombe you guys I'm looking Jones thank you for watching I'm Dara Breen goodnight

Channel: Mock The Week Full Episodes

Views: 787,032

Keywords: Rob Beckett, Milton Jones, Ellie Taylor, Josh Widdicombe, Mock The Week (TV Program), Episode (Award Discipline), Mock The Week Series 14 Episode 2

Id: mBdQLne6aqc

Length: 29min 38sec (1778 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 19 2015