MIKE MAJLAK | True Geordie Podcast #132

everyone watching this show right now is dealing with some sort of evil in their lives the majority of them has some sort of crotch the smart people flock to exercise healthy relationships building a career around themselves unfortunately seventeen years old I made a split-second decision to try a drug that was so powerful and so addictive that I signed my life away for the next ten years afternoon and at this time I was a [ __ ] psychopath dude I started punching the [ __ ] window with my bare hand trying to smash the [ __ ] window and I opened the door and there was a kid with a double-barrel shotgun pointed at me like my brain said this dude is the dude that pulls the trigger they brought me into the emergency room they cut a massive clot down my entire abdomen fractured my skull I woke up in a pool of blood with my foot right here next to my head I'll never forget having doctors feed tubes down my nose in my throat while I was awake into my stomach to suck blood out of my stomach throwing up all over myself [ __ ] all over the place shaking crying sweating I was dying dude I [ __ ] do it I was probably 21 when I died to my mom there are so many addicts out there right now and so many people dealing with mental health problems and hopelessness in this world that have lost their [ __ ] light dude this is all their life is ever gonna be a drug addict living under a bridge they've accepted it 100% and that is the reason I wrote this [ __ ] book because I don't want anybody out there to accept that that is their [ __ ] legacy [Music] yeah welcome back to the true Jodi podcasts everyone we've got mike Mayock the day and I don't usually do youtuber interviews anymore as you know like for guys like us you know we've had a lot of life fro and it can be quite like so you started making it videos at 80 and you became a millionaire well that's interesting whereas for me and you it's been a [ __ ] right before we've even got into YouTube and that's why I think we get on yeah absolutely dude I mean that's that was one of the things I actually struggled with when we started on impulsive was it's like it's like there's only so much I could talk to people about when it comes to when it comes to the entertainment world and like what happens on YouTube because it's such a bubble bro like there's so much there's so much [ __ ] that has happened and that continues to happen in the world outside of this little bubble that we've been so graciously able to live in and and so yeah I can completely relate to that it's a Mariah for this ride like like when I wrote this book people were like oh I wonder if he's gonna talk a lot about you know his time would low get it or if he's gonna talk about dating a porn star if he's gonna talk about all this [ __ ] meeting this person hanging out with that person there's two chapters on that out of 35 chapters everything in that book is before I don't want I don't want to talk to people about the luxurious [ __ ] nobody will I don't even want to talk about that I want to talk about how to get out of the [ __ ] spot you're in right now you know what I'm saying and there's a lot of people out there that are that are waking up every day suffering and that's that's who this book is for and that's that's what I want to talk about and I feel like when I shouted you out in the book I feel like that's something that you resonate with that something Bradley Martin resident resonates with banks Adam 22 you know what I'm saying like the I wanted to bring all I ever wanted to do on this [ __ ] channel is bring the real back to YouTube yo like that's it that's it I want I want real [ __ ] people bro that have real stories and people can relate to you know what I'm saying yeah and when you when you said that about me in that in the boot like you know you put me in next to some guys who I respect as well like they're all good guys making grown content which is like yeah it's so ray you know for like well I always looked at Joe Rogan is the guy like he is the the one on his own and then you've got his like the new breed coming through we all try to like make our own version of our own grow my own content but I really respect the Dutton appreciate that man yes throw you in there man we've we've gotten a chop it up a couple times you know once in the UK and another times on these kind of video chats and phone calls and stuff like that and obviously you know it's the thing about the thing about authenticity and and real people is real respects and and recognizes real immediately like I needed one minute of your time to be like you know I [ __ ] with this dude and I always will you know what I'm saying and so like we'll always have that like I'll always be here for [ __ ] you need I know you're vice versa and and so when I was writing my acknowledgments for the book you know I had to shout out the people that I call it carrying the torch so let's get right into the [ __ ] bro you have made a book all about how hard life was before YouTube and and I think that's part of why you're so I guess when you know the real laws of life the the trivial [ __ ] that we get thrown into in YouTube it big you take it for what it is and you're not fazed by like with me with all the [ __ ] I've had you know there's a reason you and I can handle scandal so well because it is nothing compared to real life most people who end up becoming serious drug users can remember that first time where they got high as [ __ ] can you remember that absolutely tiny paint it for you I could paint a picture go for it so so it wasn't the very first time that I tried opiates because I was given in our country here in America we have one pill that is responsible for the entire epidemic okay one brand it's almost like coca-cola was the only soda we have a drug here called oxycontin produced by a company called Purdue Pharma in Stanford Connecticut that one drug one pill is responsible for the opiate epidemic that we're seeing right now it is the most powerful painkiller of all time when I broke my femur I broke my femur in half the biggest bone in my body I was skiing and I went off a jump and I landed I fractured my skull I woke up in a pool of blood with my foot right here next to my head I looked over and that was the last thing I saw was my ski boot next to my head right here and when I got to the hospital in Vermont the first thing they gave me was a small cup with a pill in it and it was a 20 milligram oxycontin and that was the first time I had oxy and everything in my body every pain every beginning of anxiety that I was starting to feel every you know little depression in my life faded away and there was no more pain there was no more trouble but I was also in a traumatic event and that was my first try of it but the first time where I had all my senses and I was really able to feel and understand it was a day after my Adapter school I was a junior in high school in Milford Connecticut on the East Coast about 45 minutes from New York City I was with my friend and he had already started doing them he had this one pill and I saw people doing pills all the time like they would you know pop a percocet a vicodin the lower pills and I saw him break this pill up and he offered me a line and I did this tiny tiny little line it was toy it was 20 milligrams and I sniffed it and I'd already been smoking weed I'd already been doing that stuff I tried it with my friends I was you know peer pressure whatever you want to call it and that day when I did that first line of oxycontin I was never gonna go back that was it it was over it was I was weightless I had absolutely not a single care in the world all of my anxieties and my stresses my thoughts about my mom and dad beating each other up my thoughts about myself not being good enough and myself now and all the things that have existed in me since I was a kid went out the window immediately and they were completely gone and you know there's a lot of conversation in the world about addiction being a disease versus being a choice that the person makes and I like to think that it's a little bit of both I made a really really bad decision that day but unfortunately I made that decision because of other things that I had going on in my life people people discount the mental health of the drug addicts mental health and drug addiction are so intertwined that I made that decision that day because of things that were wrong with me and just to Mike not not just about mental health is one word but also life is [ __ ] hot you know and some aims for some people life is really [ __ ] hard so for the regular guy who goes to the pub because he's had a [ __ ] hard day at work and he just wants to [ __ ] forget all of his stresses about paying the bills and the family and kind of put my kid through college and all of these regular life problems why is he getting drunk probably because of that but for some people they have an experience like you did where you know life is really hard on top of that you've got this gateway to escape that and you and sometimes it's so [ __ ] hard people don't want to come back for a very long time I think people forget some names as well yeah absolutely and Dre and actually Joe Joe was talking about this on his show yesterday on the last episode he put out I mean it's tough like you said I mean people are people are everyone watching this show right now everyone watching me and you talk to each other is dealing with some sort of evil in their lives they're dealing with some sort of stress or in their lives the majority of them or or every single one of them maybe has some sort of crotch and left unless they're perfect has some sort of crutch to deal with it the smart people flock to exercise healthy relationships work building a career around themselves unfortunately at 17 years old I made a split-second decision to try a drug that was so powerful and so addictive that I signed my life away for the next ten years after that and so it's it's a it's just an unfortunate circumstance and listen like I have no problem saying the Attucks or or people who get hung up in or stuck and drug addiction made a bad choice I have no problem saying that the problem I find is when people say that and don't have the empathy to say and now we need to help that [ __ ] person get out because because writing people off because they made a bad choice every single person in this [ __ ] world has made a bad choice every person in the world has made a bad choice and if that one choice took a decade of your life away and I'm lucky I'm I'm the luckiest of all the Attucks bro because of where I am now and I worked my ass off to get here but I'm so lucky a lot of other people made one bad choice cuz I know three four five of them and I hear about another one every [ __ ] day but I knew a bunch personally make that one bad choice and choke to death on vomit in the backseat of a [ __ ] car the first time they tried doing drugs and so yeah like people made a bad choice they they tried to run away from their problems they tried to find a little bit of relief that other people were finding around them whatever it was but is that choice supposed to be a death sentence absolutely [ __ ] not I love the way you speak about this mate as someone who's been affected by this sort of thing not personally but my cousin who was like my little brother died of an overdose when he was 23 and I really think it's great the way you speak and how brutally honest opinion about this in your book and stuff and for those who haven't checked it out already you have to go and get the fifth vital we've seen how it started where did it go to spiral from there because like we all can imagine you take one you realize [ __ ] me this feels better than reality right now but how quickly did it spiral with oxy it's fast man because when so the way that the epidemic happened in America Purdue Pharma knowingly over marketed and oversaturated the market with this drug this is the most powerful painkiller to ever have been created it was supposed to originally be for terminally terminally ill cancer patients so that they could get out of bed they're about to die in two weeks they'd pop this one pill it makes him not feel pain for the next two [ __ ] days yeah and it had a time-release seal on it that was supposed to leak the narcotics out over a short period of time as soon as it hit the streets and got out of that first grandmother's cabinet whoever that patient zero was people on the streets found a way to take that seal the pill and so we would stick them in our mouths and we would suck the seal off the pill and that would allow us to then crush the pill and sniff it as soon as we started doing that it coincided perfectly with Purdue aggressively marketing the drug and so by the time I was 17 years old it was everywhere my I there was a high percentage of my graduating class in high school that was addicted to oxycontin and heroin by the time we were 18 years old I watched I watched my friends every single day in high school sniff oxys off the desks behind books while the teacher taught the class if we didn't have oxy to go to school sometimes we would go for a couple periods until we started withdrawing so the oversaturation of the drug once we tried it then like the first time I tried it about two weeks later I tried it again I'm like oh that was fun I'll do it again at a party then after the second time it was like a week later then after the four time it was like two days later and then it was a day later and then before I knew it if I didn't have it I couldn't go outside of my house because I was withdrawing because I was I was an addict and it happened bro it happened so fast without any signs and we looked at it just like a pill the thing about oxycontin is it bridge the gap between the drugs that people experiment with and heroin we had never seen that bridge before it didn't exist there was all these drugs over here and then there was heroin it bridges the gap completely and so it happened really fast and you know I'm not I'm not blaming anyone else for it at all like it was it was it was my doing but unfortunately you know in my in my youth I stood no chance it rolled all over me like a wrecking ball yeah you were a child man like [ __ ] me can you remember the first time anyone actually realized that there was something wrong with you in terms of Mike's not not something not right there can you remember it was my mom and my and so I don't know if you've you know how much you've read or how much you know of the stories so far but my mom has been and is an integral part and every time I talk about it I start to get a little emotional about it aluminum it I don't blue Mia we all live for moms she was the probably the first person that spotted it but we had spotted it in my fren first and in school and so like it's it's all the classic signs that the dilated pupils you know like justjust Mazama bees walking around my high school you know what I'm saying it was so clear caught that there was a problem and unfortunately when in 2003 when I was in high school there was no program to deal with this [ __ ] there was no action Response Team for the fact that your entire school is addicted to opiates bro and now we have those things and we have you know overdose life-saving devices at all the schools like we're told you know or twenty years in in this epidemic now people are starting to do thing but do things properly but when I was in high school we had none of that [ __ ] dude like we were we were the first victims of this [ __ ] plague it was like it was like being in [ __ ] Wuhan epic onset of the corona virus no one knew [ __ ] everybody was like you know what the [ __ ] people are dying everywhere when it first started happening they were bringing refrigerated trucks to the hospitals to keep the bodies in because they couldn't keep up with the amount of people who were dying of overdoses hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people just dying everywhere bro and so and that's continued to happen since then with with heroin and then fad and all now but um I would say probably my mom was one of the first person people that noticed that something was was going drastically wrong but by that point it was too late it was too late I'm sure that the people around you who loved you are trying their best to you know like I'm sure they were screaming at use of some point and just doing everything they could but you know like your mother wouldn't have been blessed with like you say that whatever you're supposed to do in these circumstances like she doesn't know so what were those interruptions like can you even remember them I mean I like the conversations that we had like when that when I was when she was trying to talk me will you in denial the whole time or did you admit that you had a problem no I didn't know I mean I denied I mean that's that's the classic addict behaviors to not to deny problem and and you know I hit it pretty well for for a while but you know my mom had to deal with me using drugs but also me selling drugs and now that's another massive part of my story and and something I obviously dramatically regret and drastically you know wish didn't happen but I did what I did to support my own addiction and she she would catch me selling drugs cuz I would go I would leave the house at night to sell pills to people and we would we would have all we would have massive blowouts I mean I was I was living on the streets you know for a couple weeks at a time since I was since I was 17 all the way until I you know went to rehab I mean she would she'd tried everything you know she at first parents try to love harder and they say oh maybe if I and they blame themselves what did I do wrong what did I not hug them enough did I not tell them I loved them it was what could I have done better and eventually they have to understand that it's not them it's it's the addict you know what I'm saying they have to unfortunately take that tough lover out and so my mom tried really hard at first to help me help me help me but eventually us addicts caused so much harm to our families and loved ones that they have to [ __ ] and pull the plug do they have to it's it's it's I mean people were coming and throwing cinder blocks through my mom's windows you know what I'm saying like over drug beefs over over debts or whatever right and eventually like she had to she had to you know let me go off and and and and battle this on my own but must be so helpless for her like the work the worst feeling in the world man the worst feeling in the world I have a whole paragraph at the end of the book about it's a message to the to the families of the suffers and honestly like that like you're one of those people that I addressed in that story you know in that paragraph like like knowing someone that is or has or or or is you know struggling with addiction or has overdosed is one of the most helpless feelings you could ever have in this entire world dude like it's like watching someone that you imagine me dude like my dad coached all my basketball games row like I had friends that were I was in the gifted program in fourth grade I was gonna be I should have been going on to be a doctor or a lawyer but I was one of the smartest kids in my [ __ ] school I scored super high on my SATs I was should have been that [ __ ] kid mm-hmm my parents raised me they did everything perfect my sad two sisters innocent sisters who were beautiful girls and they had a watch as I just gave everything away and and and and just started walking this zombie path towards a coffin bro so much it reminds me so much of my cousin because uh my cousin was a very like just like yourself very talented very smart handsome kid like anything he put his hands up like with you anything he picked up he was a master of and he [ __ ] was younger than me let her ride a bike before me you know he was just that kind of kid and I remember having the chat with him about two years before he died and you get you get serious like you know I'm thinking I need a frightening money I'm [ __ ] you got a [ __ ] listen to me you know like I'm really giving him that that deep serious [ __ ] and you know yeah yeah yeah yeah and I'm like what the [ __ ] am I going to do like what what what kind of like it's just it feels like you're banging your head against a brick wall and when I got the call to say it was dead I was I well the other person on the end the phone and I'm like drug overdose and they were like what I went what he hasn't died in a [ __ ] car crash has he telling me it was a drug overdose wasn't it I knew and it's just like like what your family were probably doing your brace and themselves for the worst cuz they're just like what the [ __ ] do we do like there is and I'm sure that there are things that you know probably exist now because of all this [ __ ] that you've been going through but times people just don't know what to do [ __ ] yeah yeah my it was the same story I mean my mom I was probably 21 when I died to my mom you know what I'm saying I mean she moved she did four years five years of grieving over my death before I before I got clean you know what I'm saying I mean it's it's just she would spend the entire night and my mom at the at the time you know fresh out of a [ __ ] divorce kids are gone now the girls are gone my older sister was at college my little sister was getting ready to leave the house and she was just alone dude she was just alone every night waiting by the phone for Milford police to call and say yo you know we're sorry to tell you your son's is that he overdosed on on oxycontin or heroin or whatever and uh she was she was ready for it she was ready for it I think we both were I think we both were I'd accepted that fact as well too you know what I'm saying that that that uh this was the way life was gonna go and I think that's the thing about being that long-term addict cuz cuz you know there are some people I think the amount of time you spend in addiction dictates the rate of success and and man when you get to that five-year 7 year marker of waking up every single day with not a single other thing on your mind except finding a way to not to not be sick and to not die that day it takes a piece of your soul it takes a piece of your soul you know what I'm saying and and it does that to the people watching as well it does that to the people around you the collateral damage that you leave behind as an addict is is the family members is the loved ones that watch you every single day fade away and lose everything that you you had you know and it's the say it's one of the saddest things ever in the entire world it's one of the it truly is heartbreaking to see someone that you grew up with 10-15 years into a drug addiction it is a it is a tragic tragic dude my uncle I probably shouldn't say so I don't give a [ __ ] but like I've got an uncle right now a [ __ ] zombie like a [ __ ] zombie I don't even know like if if I was him I'd rather be dead ya know it's like it's that bad I'm like there's just no point in this guy existing yeah I mean like what what the [ __ ] do you do do you like section em do it like that he is so brain-dead from the level of drug use for 30 years now even if he got clean he's never come about me he's gone you know what I mean so my story having been through eight years of addiction it's crazy for me it's mind-blowing for me to imagine what 30 years looks like and there's and there's people that are even beyond that I mean when I just told you a few minutes ago that I had started to accept my own demise and my mother had done the same luckily in both of us I'll speak for myself I reserved a little bit of [ __ ] hope dude just a little bit of [ __ ] hope the entire time that I went through my addiction I had just a little light that was so [ __ ] dim at the end it was so small what was that voice saying though what's that what was that voice saying to you keep going keep going keep going it's got it's gonna get better it's gonna get better you're gonna make it through this you're not gonna [ __ ] die and honestly that may have come from all the accidents that I got in and all the traumas where I was laying in ICU and they were never forget multiple times having doctors feed tubes down my nose into my throat while I was awake into my stomach to suck blood out of my stomach or or having them lift my my foot away from you know up here and straightening it out for a snowmobile ride down a mountain so that they could put it in traction so they could put a metal rod through my femur to put my leg back together when I was when I was in my worst days I remembered those things and there's this there's this burning desire in every single one of us in those times of terror and fright and and hopelessness that says keep [ __ ] going don't give up don't [ __ ] give up and I kept that little piece of Hope in me through the really dark times when I was I knew for sure that I was I was going down that road towards the end and that was what got me through the problem is is that doesn't exist in every addict there are so many addicts out there right now and so many people dealing with mental health problems and the hopelessness in this world that have lost their [ __ ] light dude they've accepted it 100% that this is it this is all their life is ever gonna be a drug addict living under a bridge and one day they're gonna find him face down and they're dead and that's it and that's their legacy they've accepted that and that is the reason I wrote this [ __ ] book and that's the reason why I talk about this [ __ ] because I don't want anybody out there to accept that that is their [ __ ] legacy that I'm not okay with that and nobody should be okay with that ever ever dude and so I kept going I'm glad that was your opinion man I really am otherwise we wouldn't you wouldn't be here right now clearly or I wouldn't or I would but I'd be a zombie silly you know what I'm saying because I got homies I've homies right now still the kids that I wrote about in this book my three best friends that I grew up with that I learned how to ride bikes with that I had my that I went to our first dance at you know with them next to me and our girls and we were 12 years old and the don't the kid I went to every Knicks game with and and he called me haven't talked him in five years he's you know he's in a 90-day rehab now but and I hope it works out for him but he's been bet for the ten years now that I grew out of it he's been doing the same [ __ ] you know what I'm saying and and it's it's painful bro it's painful and then he's and once again he's he's lucky as [ __ ] to because there's four people that I talk about in that book that I went and buried do you know what I'm saying and so it's it's it's nasty [ __ ] man but it's it's no matter how far in you are if you're 30 years in attic 40 years in attic 50 years whatever it is you I need people to keep [ __ ] going bro and just and find a way to crawl out of it dude when you were taking oxycontin what did you also take heroin as well I mean I know they're very similar book so yeah yeah so that's the that's the that's the beauty of the opiate epidemic story and I barely touched on the epidemic that much in the book and how exactly it happened but basically what happened is eventually Purdue Pharma couldn't couldn't get away from the the fact of the matter anymore which was that they were killing everyone that that people were becoming drug addicts and so what they did was they quickly removed the drug from the market and what do you think happens when you have two three five ten million oxycontin addicts in the United States and you take their drug away they're gonna go to the streets and they're gonna find whatever else is gonna make them [ __ ] feel better not sick not mentally ill whatever and so what happened was in the in the mid 2010 area or early 2000s you just saw a [ __ ] skyrocket of heroin use in the United States and and everybody couldn't get their pills anymore so they went to the next day and and that's exactly what happily when probably in 2006-2007 when we couldn't we started not being able to get pills anymore and we were all completely addicted and completely depending on the drugs one day I was on the phone okay and I was begging um yell please like I can't get anything from my connect you got to help me and he said well I just got some D and bridgeport and I said what the [ __ ] is D and he was talking about heroin and and that was the first time that I had heard that heroin was starting to sneak in and probably about a couple months after that somebody in Bridgeport which is a very bad inner-city area near where I was born offered me a line of heroin and I was sick and I took it and that was and then I was off to the races did you ever inject it so this this isn't in the book this is actually exclusive and I don't know why I left it out but um because I put everything in this book there wasn't one thing that I left out but this was left out I did inject heroin and cocaine one time on the same day I was sitting in my friend's basement and he had you know everybody was always talking about clean needles and he had clean needles and and honestly I don't give a [ __ ] about life at this point like I didn't care about anything I think I didn't even give a [ __ ] if I [ __ ] died I was so hopeless I didn't care about anything and um I was like alright [ __ ] it whatever and I always tell the story I tried it and it was like something on my brain said if you do this again after today it is the same exact thing as putting a gun to your head and pulling the [ __ ] trigger don't and and as I should I wish I had said that to myself the first time but for whatever reason my brain y'all and people were like how was it was a different was it better and I say if I had done it again I would have been off to the races and I might as well have just I might as well have just given up at that point so though did that scare you scared the [ __ ] out of me why what was the feeling like when you did that it was I mean there abouts on your body did you inject this in my arm all right yeah what was that what was that feeling like for you it was just I mean very I mean I don't know I reserved this when I talked about smoking crack years later it's basically the same thing it's it's how do you take like crack is how do you take cocaine and and exponentially make it more effective using heroin intravenously is it's actually not the most effective way because put it cuz rectally is probably the most effective way but nobody's drugs in there at all but you know intravenous uses them is the most effective mode of transportation for the drug to get to your brain it goes directly into into your bloodstream and so it's just everything that you had known about the drug exponentially more effective and more hits you faster hits you harder and is more concentrated and for that reason that's the same reason why it gets that much harder to break a habit with it mmm like look at your ability to break your habit with something getting exponentially harder based on how much you [ __ ] love it if you find something that you love so much that's unhealthy if you find something you love even more that's unhealthy you're gonna have a harder time getting away from that and I knew that was gonna happen and I watch everyone around me shooting up all my friends everybody had moved to intravenous intravenous use girls girls that were prom queens bro like volleyball players for the for the team and then you know they tried drugs a couple times and they were shooting heroin and I watched it happen all around me and so ya tried it one time and and I and I knew that was gonna be that that was gonna be an end of me and so I went back to sniffing after that and so I sniffed everything and absolutely destroyed my [ __ ] nose and by the way that might is probably part of the reason why my voice is raspy and everybody knows my voice you you so you were paying for this from drug dealing a lot of the time you know your your obviously changed in the crew who you are hung around with it's cool as well we decree I'm sure that your your circle changes it was wrong with this and speaking of someone who's mixed with all kinds of people in the house what was it like at that point when your your funding it like how how far were you willing to go because you're a good guy and you've got morals and you care about people we all know this about you now but in order to sell drugs to someone and to see this person that you're given the drug that you get in the states that they're getting in you got to cut off emotionally you got to think selfishly were you be able to do that how did you reason that yeah I mean i 100% did that I was a I like to consider myself a dealer with morals if that makes any sense sure I wasn't in the habit of you know beating people I was in the habit of of beating the [ __ ] out of people that happened a lot of times obviously where we had to do that but it wasn't something that I was a was a fan of doing and I also never wanted to be someone who put someone on to a drug for the first time it was a very important thing to me and I know people looking in will say well you know what is that [ __ ] [ __ ] like you're still scumbag and I'm willing to take whatever abuse people you know throw at me but there were a couple rules that I did follow and one of them was not giving someone their first drug I never wanted to do that so it was two things it was it was one desperation that was number one I think I think everyone has a moral compass everyone wants to talk about how strong their morals are but I I I as well as I'm sure you know those when those morals start to get tested under pressure especially extreme pressure a lot of people will hold in that scenario yeah and so I think it's easy to look in on this conversation from the outside and say I would never [ __ ] do that I would never do that I would never do that and I would never do that but those are the people who have never been put into a situation where they were clawing for life and that everything or everything was falling around them and nail and they had no options and that's why when I look at people who do anything for money well said this before whether it's only fans whether it's I hate to say it but [ __ ] robbing the convenience store I'm not saying those things are justified but all I'm saying is it's really hard to look in from the outside and make judgment on people who are [ __ ] who are facing the evils that we don't understand growing up in a neighborhood and not having food to eat when you're six years old you know what I'm saying That's not me but people do it every day and they go and they rob the [ __ ] store to get food because they're gonna die or their families gonna [ __ ] die if they don't do it so I don't pass judgment on [ __ ] anybody bro and I'm not saying it's okay and I'm not saying there are other ways to do and I wish people would find those but I also I also like I said I don't judge people and so when I was when I was doing that [ __ ] it was partially desperation but then a weird way you think you also have to understand is when people are coming to me for drugs they were coming to me throwing up [ __ ] themselves sweating all over the place and I got into with a habit of making that stop and so to me I was a miracle worker I wasn't a drug dealer and it wasn't until I started to understand my ways when I got older that I understood the error and I understood how bad what I was doing was um and and started to feel the regret that I feel now about the things that I've done but at the time it was a mix of desperation but also just know just this thought that like you know these people are gonna be aren't gonna be able to go to work they're not gonna be able to continue feeding their own kids if they don't get high you know what I'm saying and so I always looked at it as a way of like making them feel better but obviously that was the you know it wasn't okay you know and I've come to terms with that now yeah I mean you were bullshitting yourself a little bit okay yeah and I'm sure like we all do you've been in some wild situations you know I want you to tell people a little bit about like how dark things got at times because I think you know you're very good at recounting this and that in the you know the the epidemic and how bad it got but I don't think people really fully get like how dark things get for people around you for you can you tell me some of the sort of how about it go yeah I mean listen if you watch movies about stuff you can get an idea and I think everybody's you know watched movies about crime about gang life about about cartels all of the drugged world in this country is only a couple steps removed from the [ __ ] you see even the whitest white kids in [ __ ] Greenwich Connecticut are only a couple steps removed from being in Queens New York with shipments of [ __ ] coming in it's all very tight thing and so all of the evils that come along with it are gruesome they're gruesome and as you know and as I as I stepped up that ladder towards New York City and towards those kind of people I mean I saw everything I saw you know my kid i sat and watched my connect get you know pistol-whipped in the [ __ ] face over and over to a point that he almost died and I had a I had to go in and step in and plead with the guy that was doing it to please [ __ ] stop and he put the gun in my [ __ ] face up to my teeth and said you know I stopped so I didn't say anything at that point I stood there idly by and awaited my fate and I didn't get killed obviously but I watched that happen I've you know had ii-i've had drug deals go wrong where I've gotten out and I was selling [ __ ] to this one kid and he I told him I wanted to see the money and he wanted to see the drugs first so he could weigh it out and he took the drugs and I just gave them to him to you know look at I never would do it but I was just so impatient that day and he started to walk away with the drugs and he said [ __ ] do something about it and I got out and I ran after him and when I was going to throw a punch at him my foot settled into a hole in the driveway and his boy came over and tackled me from the side while my foot was locked into this hole in the driveway and my entire I just heard and my entire [ __ ] foot was just hanging off the bones were sticking through the skin and as I was laying on the ground which shock started and said and they were beating the [ __ ] [ __ ] on him he punched me in the face over and over and over again and luckily my boys were there and they helped they helped knock them out got the drugs back we left in the car we were on the way to the hospital I had to stash the drugs and all the end and we had full you know we're on we were almost we're almost at the hospital we're getting onto the ramp on the highway and I got surrounded by every narcotics agent detective everybody from from that department and I had to lay on the ground face down for two hours while I searched my car with my foot hanging off my [ __ ] leg and so like your body's been unlucky bro for so many I've so many scars on my body at her that her massive scars but on I want to go back to this the gun situation because I've been in situations where people have pulled weapons in fights and all sorts of things like that and everyone sits saying goes when you watch it on the movie like this is what I would do I would go Baba and in reality it's not like that you you do your [ __ ] best but then if there's a man pulling a gun right in your [ __ ] mouth like you got a lot to think about with that woman tell me what it was like for that moment for you what went cuz you're a smart dude and I bet you a processing [ __ ] Lightspeed I was trying to listen I call those people um I call them armchair generals they know exactly what they would do their general at war if somebody pulls a gun on me I'm gonna [ __ ] pull my right hand I'm gonna use I'm gonna grifter there are I've heard that story so many [ __ ] times from people who have never been in front of a gun before bro Exodia unless you are heavily heavily tactically and operationally trained to react in situations where a gun is pulled on you you are going to do I promise you the same thing that I did which is assess the situation to figure out how much of a threat it really is and then react based on what you were built to react to do and I will tell you just to be clear just to be clear the whole [ __ ] world right now is staying indoors because a very small population of us has died right they're all terrified sit Oh God the you know they're all terrified let alone nothing a gun put in their [ __ ] mouth and that's what makes me laugh you know I mean like everyone's hard until they're in that's it yeah exactly and I like I said I've talked to so many people that have have all these plans but on a lot I also said through that it depends on the person a lot of times yeah it depends it cuz I wish that I could say it happened to me one time but it's happened to me a lot of [ __ ] times a lot of [ __ ] time go do what's so funny I know it's just insane no it doesn't make sense ahead so when it first started and I was dealing with only white kids in my neighborhood in my city I would walk in and there was one time there there was a couple every times there's one time I walked into a basement and I opened the door and there was a kid with a double-barrel shotgun pointed at me pointed right at me as soon as I walked in he knew I was coming to sell Moxie's I was still probably 22 years old at this point and then there was probably two or three more other situations like that in Milford where somebody showed me a strap it wasn't maybe this time it wasn't pointed at me but they showed it to me and said yo give me all your [ __ ] and tried to run me I told every one of those people [ __ ] you pull the [ __ ] trigger [ __ ] because I knew who they were and I knew they wouldn't [ __ ] do it even still that was scariest [ __ ] even still and it was because I was already an addict and I already didn't give a [ __ ] so for the normal person they wouldn't do that they would just comply but the situations where it started to get real was when I was in Bridgeport or New Haven which are the two inner cities that I'm my town was sandwiched between and Connecticut there they've both been top ten most dangerous cities in the country at some point or another very very very bad places I'm sure you understand these kind of neighborhoods and what they're like when people in those places pull guns on me it was a very different situation the one I the one I talked about in the book you know specifically was the guy that came into the basement we owed him money we owed his organization money he only had one job and that was to collect back debts that was his [ __ ] job he came a week earlier and he told us you know you always $10,000 we need that money next week or whatever the amount of money was twelve thousand who knows we need that money next week if you don't have it and this was to my connect I was watching this happen I was sitting bed and he said if you don't the money next week I'm gonna come back and there's gonna be a problem and we knew what that meant we picked up a bunch of [ __ ] we tried to make it happen we couldn't get the [ __ ] money he came back literally seven days [ __ ] later with the same [ __ ] outfit the same black coat he the same hat the same gloves same pants had his [ __ ] hand in his hoodie pocket the whole time never took his hand out of his hoodie pocket we see him get on the car he runs he runs down the alleyway cuz we had cameras my Kinect had cameras on the outside of his house we saw him run down the alley I go this ain't good walks in immediately goes yo do you have the [ __ ] money my connect this dude I don't even want to say his name said no pistol-whip to the [ __ ] face and just started pummeling Palmer Palmer Palmer dude with the 9-millimeter he's on the ground bleedin and I and I stood up there was like three other people there's two girl two girls I stood up and I go yell please you have to [ __ ] stop doing this bro you're gonna kill him and he put the gun in my [ __ ] face black nine right in my [ __ ] face and I go I said nothing I said nothing I just stood there like this at this point I was probably twenty four years old and I just stood there and I was like all those calculations all those calculations about what your right hands gonna do and your left hands gonna do what you're gonna say gone and you're just at the wit you're just at the mercy of somebody with a gun while you're at the mercy of a madman with a gun you don't I'm saying and it happened a couple times after that in other cities and every time you know especially the the the other time I wrote about in the book where it was just where it was this drug addict running out of the house this was in New Haven at the time and it was this this [ __ ] up black street dude runs out of the house old-ass [ __ ] revolver with tape on the grip I'll always remember the [ __ ] gone this time and I had my connects with me in the backseat again this time he ran up gone out the Sunni walked out that as soon as he walked out the door we had some girl driving us who didn't know not to pull too close to the car in front of her so she pulled in right in front of right up to the back of the car in front of her where we parked and so we couldn't get out we couldn't speed off she would had to reverse first and so he walked out with the revolver and put it straight into the [ __ ] window of course to me first and said y'all run run everything and my connects in the backseat I was like oh they're gonna either pull strap and shoot or they're gonna do something make this guy stop and they go you'll give up everything give him [ __ ] everything you got so he handed over all the drugs all the money everything he had I always remember that dude he had a [ __ ] revolver you could see the [ __ ] bullets in the in the chamber tape on the tape on the on the on the grip and he had snot running down his nose and he was [ __ ] shaken and I said yo this dude like my brain said this dude is the dude that pulls the trigger this dude will shoot all [ __ ] four of us right you know what I'm saying and so it's crazy bro it comes that it comes a lot it comes down a lot to who is the person but I mean I would I would unless you're trained military trained because obviously now we've we've started to do a lot of military training and I still am a rookie at it but we've trained with you know with Logan with the Navy SEALs a little bit in Virginia and they've taught us a ton about reaction so somebody reaction action is always faster than reaction and so when someone pulls a gun if you act their ability to shoot you needs to be so fast and it won't be so so if you are trained to act in that situation and you know exactly what your plan is and you're willing to commit to that plan then you have a chance to fight back when somebody pulls a gun on you but for the average Joe dude it's it's it's a crapshoot I mean the only thing you could really do at that point is comply you've had a lot of [ __ ] near-death experiences bro I mean not even not even just the drug life but like you know general stuff like you see an accident and other things can you give me a little rundown of some of these other death experiences because I'm fascinated by this so now 16 years old I was playing basketball I was with my friends before any of us started using drugs at all and we were at my friend's house and I was I loved basketball that was my thing I was a tall guy played Center but I play forward sometimes so I just loved basketball and I was driving to the hole to just to lay the ball in it but I was driving really hard and one my friends at the time stuck his foot out a little bit too far to defend me and I tripped really hard over his [ __ ] foot as I was jumping up to do a layup and when I fell I fell so hard on the ground I got winded you know that feeling again windy where you can't breathe there trying to breathe that happened to me and so I go inside and I lay I tell him I'm like boys boys I got to go inside I had to go lay inside for a little bit and I went inside and I was laying on the bed and it was a really nice like spring day and I remember like that that went the breeze was blowing nice and it was just this really calm day and I was laying on the bed and I kept feeling myself coming in and out of consciousness like like I was like I was losing life like I was losing my consciousness and when my friends came in they afterwards like an hour or two later they saw me and my eye was blue I was completely blew my whole face everything was was blue and they're like yo you have to go to the [ __ ] hospital something's wrong with you so my dad picked me up he went to the hospital you walk in and they didn't know what was going on and I was I was fading in and out of consciousness like it's there's a there's a really weird feeling when the life is draining out of you it's rich it's a really strange feeling of just of just like it's almost it's just it's his piece dude it's this piece and it's like this really quiet feeling of going under you know what I'm saying and it's this and it's obviously the scariest [ __ ] thing in the entire world but if you when you start to feel it it's almost like this inner peace is like grabbing at you right and when I got to the hospital I was still going in and out of consciousness and so they started making me they started making me drink gallons of dye this this dye stuff and I kept drinking it drinking and I kept they kept bring him in for x-rays MRIs cat scans and eventually they found out that when I had done that lay up and fell I had obliterated my spleen completely I'd ruptured it massive massive internal bleeding in my stomach I was I was bleeding out literally I lost about 40% of my blood into my [ __ ] stomach and so now I'm by that point my whole family's there and I find out that we've got this massive issue and I'm just like out you know I'm laying on the bed I mean I see you I'm going under and I remember the doctors come in and they go one of the nurses goes honey you're not gonna like what we have to do right now it's it's not gonna be fun for you but we're gonna do it to save your life you have we have to do it and they walked over and I saw him with this long tube and they walked over and they look they were like we have to put this tube into your nose and it's gonna go in your nose around your membrane down your throat into your stomach and I said I said I can't do this you have to put me out you have to put me under you can't do this they're like we can't put you under you're at risk you can't we can't do it and so they started feeding this tube in my nose down my throat into my stomach and they turn the machine on and it pumped pie after pint of blood and and violon of my [ __ ] stomach into a holding tank and they just kept doing that over and over just suck and so at the same time the running someone else's blood into my body because I'm bleeding out literally like I'm just bleeding internally horribly and so when they finally got most of it sucked out of my stomach they brought me into the emergency room they cut a massive clot down my entire abdomen they removed my spleen and then they sewed me back up and so for the next for the next two weeks after that I was on intravenous morphine and and you know all kinds of mariette of painkillers and then I finally went home and two weeks after that I had what's called a it's a call to medical relapse and so what happened was my intestines as they were settling into their new home without a spleen blocking them tangled tangled upon themselves into a knot and so I was unable to pass food that I was eating through to my bowels and so everything I was eating was just collecting in my in my intestine and so I had to go back and the doctors told me that when I went back that second time the scar was so fresh still that they were able to just open it my stomach back up with it just they caught it right back down open me back up went back and unraveled my intestines and then sewed me back up again so that was all when I was 16 by the time I was 17 I broke my femur skiing broke in half fractured my at the back of my skull completely fracture it was covered in [ __ ] blood and and absolutely terrible was on painkillers again for that and then and then after that yet just kept going I mean I've totaled cars at 100 miles an hour I've driven cars off cliffs into into ravines and and woken up in in puddles you know drenched in blood and obviously there's pictures of that on the internet that's in the book of meek just covered in blood I've had that happen I you know I oh and then obviously when they when the kids when I when I broke my ankle my ankle broke it completely shattered and so I have to screw I have two plates 25 screws in my right ankle um and that's probably my worse injury because I have severe arthritis in that ankle now because of all the hardware and when I and when I got clean I gained about or as I was getting clean at the end of my addiction I gained about a hundred pounds and so at one point I was actually 300 pounds I wanted to school cuz that's a hell of a [ __ ] list bro yeah and one of the main talking points in America right now is the police now you were clearly you or you should have been on their [ __ ] radar at some point and I wanted to know if you had any issues how that was I was 100% on the radar both in my town as well as in the federal spotlight once things got to its to its worst point but yeah I mean listen I'm still a felon right now I'm a felon narcotics you know felon I've got III had some of the most insane indictments that were that honestly that I could ever even imagine that a lot of people could ever imagine I I had a couple a couple of narcotics felonies and I I was able to because of selling I was able to afford really good lawyers luckily and and that was what kept me out of jail but um one of my charges were was one of the times I got arrested was these girls it was New Year's Eve in 2008 it was New Year's Eve and I had this hotel room with these two girls and my the rest of my boys and we were all getting completely [ __ ] up we were doing Acts you know they are shooting heroin it was just it's you know crazy drug party obviously and I had a bunch of cash on me I probably had about like I probably like five six grand on me and when I woke up the next book I want to sleep everybody else was still partying it was it was like 5:00 in the morning at this point and you know they're all doing drugs and I go into the bedroom and I go to sleep I'm like yo don't [ __ ] the room up I'm going to bed about an hour later my buddy comes in he wakes me up and he goes yo yo yo wake wake up wake up where's your wallet and I'm like it's right here next to me on the nightstand and I reach over to grab it and it's not there and my the money was in a huge wad folded inside the wallet like closed you could see the money if you walked into the room and I go where the [ __ ] are they and he goes they're gone cuz I knew was those [ __ ] girls dude cuz it the rest was just my homies like my best friends and I go how long ago did they leave and he goes like literally like five minutes I go go the [ __ ] down there and [ __ ] find them and so he runs down the stairs and I run down about thirty seconds after him this was my boy he was like my enforcer he would like handle all this kind of [ __ ] that when it would happen and he got when I get downstairs I'm in a robe it's [ __ ] New Year's Day it's like 6:00 in the morning the sun's just coming up people are starting to go about you know whatever day there is it's a light traffic day obviously because it's New Year's Day and I come down and he's already gotten in the backseat of their car so he's arguing with them and they're telling him to calm down but they didn't even see me coming out yet and at this time I was a [ __ ] psychopath dude so I walked down and as soon as I saw her car I started punching the [ __ ] window with my bare hand trying to smash the [ __ ] window punch and punches screaming you [ __ ] [ __ ] you crazy right she goes she gets scared puts the car in reverse and drives away and speeds away so I get in my Jeep that I had at the time and start chasing after we're doing 70 miles an hour and a 35 flying up and down the street up the street she every time we would get to a stoplight she would put the car you know she would she would do a u-turn and go the other way and I would turn around and start chasing her the other way and eventually I got tired of the cat-and-mouse game and when we got to a stoplight the next time I got in front of her before we got to and I slammed on my brakes really hard and she crashed into the back of my car and my Jeep was up on the hood of her car for a my boy and so I get out of the car and like just try to imagine the scene like try to imagine like what's happening you know what I'm saying like these girls just screaming now screaming at the top of their [ __ ] lungs my boy is talking like yelling at him give us the [ __ ] money we're in the middle of the main intersection in a [ __ ] city right and I walk up and I start smashing on the window smashed on the window and she rolls down the window and my boy has this like look of terror in his eyes and he goes oh she called the cops she called 911 and I and I look at her phone and 911 she's on the phone one on one so I take her phone and I smashed it on the [ __ ] ground but then I already heard the sirens they were already coming she must have called what we were still driving so my boys like get out of here get out of here I'll handle it so I go back to the hotel and all this is in the store in the book and there's more about it in the book but I go back to the hotel and what happens is we get away the cops don't find the hotel room he gets some of the money back he got like 600 bucks from him they kept the rats they and they they drove away now the cops didn't no one heard from these girls for three days after it happened and so the last thing the cops had was a 911 girls that someone was trying to kill them and the last number that they dialed on their cell phone before 911 which was my number the cops brought me in they questioned me they've read me my Miranda rights which in the United States is you have the right to remain silent all that fun stuff and they told me we're probably going to arrest you down the line I said to the cops if you do that the only thing I asked you and I'm asking you you know man-to-man please don't come to my mother's house just call me I'll show up at the police station you could cuff me you could take me in it's it'll be so easy and they were like yeah I'm like sure this was after a ton of arrests that I had already racked up they hated me and they were never able to put me in jail they [ __ ] hated me bro four months later they showed up at my mom's house at 1:00 in the morning the entire [ __ ] ten cruisers bro and ironically I was bagging up when they rolled up I was in my room bagging up and I luckily was able to pull all that [ __ ] into my drawer cash everything put away and so at 1:00 in the morning they rang the doorbell to my mom's house full force and my mom watch me get handcuffed and taken out of her house on a 19 felony charge indictment two counts of kidnapping or unlawful restraint which is kidnapping in the United States one count of strangulation felony strangulation two counts of assault vehicular you know every every charge you could ever [ __ ] imagine and I was already on a suspended sentence at the time and so the the likelihood that I was going to do a a lot of [ __ ] time was really high for that one and luckily about two weeks before it went to trial because I was going to try to take it to trial I don't know why we cuz the plea the plea on it was horrible I was definitely gonna do time two weeks before we took it to trial those girls got arrested stealing credit cards in like five different cities and so their entire case about how they didn't steal it how I made this whole thing up cuz I didn't do any I didn't do any of the [ __ ] they said it was all it was all fit it was all lies but their whole thing fell apart and I ended up pleading out to like one count of third-degree assault or something like that and so that was probably like the worst the worst run-in with the cops that ever happened but there was it was always happening and and and you know like to your question I never had to deal with any of this [ __ ] that that people of color or or you know of lower socioeconomic luxuries had to deal with my first arrest for somebody else in a worse place probably would have put me in jail for years yeah so you think that you got you got favorable treatment because of your skin color then skin color but also and I don't know I do believe that but I also believe that I was I have always been a very good talker tell me about it I talked to my talk too much and I talked but I talk well and so that's been a gift I've had since the day I was able to speak and so when it came time to meet up for me to talk to prosecutors or talk to a judge when I walked in and the charges were felony this felony that by the time I had a conversation with him I was just a lost boy you know who who went the wrong way but was doing everything in his power to make it right you know and this was gonna be the time that I got better I know you you've had people talking about making your life into a movie and we say this in all Hollywood movies where there's a motivational story when someone hits rock bottom there's a thing there's a turning point what was that moment for you there's is it - a two-part answer so the the time period right before I got clean was so bad that I knew 100% that I was weeks away from death I knew it I knew it without a shadow of a doubt cuz I'd started smoking crack because somebody offered it to me and I and I just honestly I didn't care him I wasn't sleeping for weeks shorty I wasn't sleeping for weeks at it's like two weeks would go by I wouldn't sleep my blood was boiling bro I was I was I was dying dude I [ __ ] knew it and so a part of it was desperation and not wanting to die and not wanting my mom to bury her son at [ __ ] 25 like part of it was that but luckily there was one more important factor because I could have kept going I probably could have just died but luckily I had gotten in enough trouble with the law that I had a probation officer who finally pulled my [ __ ] card bro and I I got I got and reassigned to her about two weeks earlier and right when I got reassigned where she gave me a urine test and it came back for Ben's for benzodiazepines heroin or opiates and cocaine the first the first test she gave me I popped so many dirty urines at my met at the clinic I was at and that probation they didn't care they're like try harder try harder do better do better because they can't drug addictions a weird I can't just throw the [ __ ] book at you you know what I'm saying it's a medical condition right I gave her one dirty urine and she said Mike I just met you I don't know you I'm gonna give you one more chance I'll see you in two weeks and I said yeah sure thing two weeks later I come in I peed in a cup for she called me back the next day and she goes hey Mike just want to let you know your results came back for your test yesterday positive for cocaine for opiates and for xanax tomorrow you're going to go to detox and rehab or you're gonna come here and you're gonna surrender to the penal system and you're gonna do your five years tomorrow tomorrow she called you out on your [ __ ] wrong and I stood there and I looked at the phone and I go what the [ __ ] just happened bro I got well at first I said there I was like I was like I went into defense mode the test is wrong no that's [ __ ] I I didn't [ __ ] do drugs I didn't do anything and then I went into sorrow mode and I was like listen Ellen Ellen slow down please I'll do better and she said see you tomorrow Mike and she's like I do this [ __ ] all day I gotta go see her bro cuz Asli shoes her name's Allen dude and she needs to know though that she's making a difference because for these people they're shoveling [ __ ] they're not getting credit they're fighting with people they they arguing with people like you on the phone and they are making a difference I am a massive difference bro and so I will I will I will find her I need to go back and talk to a lot of people and I will do that but so she said that and I was like [ __ ] dude I don't want to go to jail like I'd spent like you know nights and a couple nights and cells here and there but I was pretty lucky that I was able to escape without doing real-time and so she was like you're gonna go so so the next day I talked I was like I'm going to detox and I went to a detox and they said yo we might not be able to take you because you're literally addicted to every drug Under the Sun you would need 24-hour surveillance monitoring just to come to this [ __ ] detox and so they eventually took me and I spent you know the next week throwing up all over myself [ __ ] all over the place shaking crying sweating having every nightmare Under the Sun about about dying and about killing people and people killing me and I suffered through a week of the worst [ __ ] anguish ever and I walked out of that detox on the other side and and then followed it up with a with a 30-day rehab and that was the end of that sorry one [ __ ] time dude and and you know I tried to get clean before that a bunch of times obviously but that was the one time that I went to detox and the one time I went to rehab and that was and that was it a lot of people say addiction is a disease and I know you've said this before and and and part of getting over those bad addictions this sort of replacing them with some healthy ones is that part of what were you I know you had wakened did you replace it with food or how did you do that it's just when you're an addict which I am through and through a hundred percent it's just it's always just a it's always just replacing one thing with another you're always gonna have an addiction and yeah I gained a hundred pounds and by the time I got out of rehab I was you know 300 pounds I was so fat and I'll send pictures to you so you have them cheers man we're not gonna put them in the video I just want to keep that the laughs oh boy but I [ __ ] dude I I was a mess and at some point when I got out I I got this desire to just be better like I don't know where it came from but I want it I started trying things that I saw healthy people doing cuz this is my favorite part of the story all the other [ __ ] is is is the fun stuff for the movie the fun stuff to listen to the [ __ ] people want to hear on a podcast whether or not they have addiction or or mental health they just like to listen to the crazy stories my favorite part of the story is talking about how I got out because that's the [ __ ] I want other people to hear and one of the aspects of getting out was I started to try healthy things that I saw other healthy people doing so y'all just tried out this [ __ ] got the hottest girlfriend and I'm maybe I saw him on Facebook or something ha like what does he eat well he said Ali's is chicken and rice I eat Wendy's for breakfast Dunkin Donuts for you know snack McDonald's for lunch everyday Duchess for dick all I ate was fast food four times a day Jordi four times a [ __ ] date how long did it take though between the rhihub on like blowing up in way like four you have that thought dies maybe I should just try different well listen first dude it's all about staying clean I mean at first for the first like you know four or five months after you get out of rehab or after you stop doing drugs you're the only thing you do all day is try to stay clean you know what I'm saying and and that's the top and that's the tough thing so I'm not worried about that kind of [ __ ] at first like Logan always says the most powerful force or one of the most powerful force in the world is momentum and as you start to get this clear mind and as you start to get some clarity back and you start to be able to process [ __ ] again and become a human again you start to have desires for the other things humans have you know what I'm saying it and when I when I when I got Queen and I had five months clean I looked around me I had nothing bro I was I was twenty I was 26 years old I had no credit I had no car I had no education I had no friends because all my friends were using drugs I couldn't talk to him I had nothing dude I had nothing at all and I was so confused and so like yo what the [ __ ] am I gonna do not what you were saying there really resonates with me because I feel like a lot of us fail in life because we're trying to kill too many birds with one stone and you know even two birds one stone seen as a success so for me personally in my in my life for the last year it's been like managing my finances doing bad business and being a bad businessman like that's been as well as a you know handling some mental [ __ ] up and like about a year ago I told you yeah and and lately my brains been going oh well you can do this as well and you can do that as well and I'm like [ __ ] like yeah I can but a year ago that would have felt impossible yeah yeah but like what you were saying at some point your brain go now you've got this you can take on a little more b-but the kind of you just have to let that happen and sometimes I think people fail whether it be trying to save money being on a diet trying to get off drugs whatever it is by having too many things to worry about at one time and we [ __ ] ourselves before we even get started that's so that's so true I mean it's it's it's a hundred percent accurate I think if you look at people at the top of the success ladder and at the top of the world and you look at them as as like examples of what you could do if you're gonna succeed you're looking in the wrong place yeah I when I first got clean when I first got out of rehab and and you can use that example for people who just got clean or people who just got over a breakup whatever it is like these these examples all work together all I had to think about it first was getting clean that was it if I tried to tackle getting clean getting my getting my weight down finding a job building credit finding a house finding a lover that the whole house would have fallen down again I would have been back to a narrowing again and it's so important that people find a way to prioritize the most important thing work on that and then layer in the next thing after what one thing at a time sort of thing cuz like when you look at a foot in you know the rock and we compare ourselves to like these mega stars it's like bro they've got 50 [ __ ] people working for them on their life making it as simple and as easy as [ __ ] impossible like don't compare yourself to these guys you have to have to approach everything slowly and in layers I mean I at first it was just getting clean and then I started and then I saw people were eating right and so I started to eat a little bit better and then when I started to eat a little bit better I started to lose a little bit of weight and then when I started to lose a little bit away I was like yo I should try and like exercising again since it's been ten years since I've done any [ __ ] kind of exercise and I found this old bike in the garage this old Schwinn bike and on days my mom couldn't bring me to NA meetings I would ride the bike to NA meetings and I started to get into this habit of riding this bike and I really liked the way that it felt it felt like I was I would I know I don't recommend this because it's not super safe but I would listen to music while I rode my bike and I would listen to Mac Miller and all these different artists and like I felt free when I was out on the bike and I started to really love it and so when I first started I was riding two three miles a day but by the end of it I started riding a hundred mile [ __ ] rides dude and all of it just started slowly and then and then grew you know what I'm saying and so I think your point about tackling the biggest issue first and then slowly layering in everything and just getting a little bit better at a time it's probably one of the most important things you could tell anybody in the [ __ ] world do because do what you can handle that's it that's it do it at first you're gonna you're gonna have to crawl before you walk you know what I'm saying and I went through all of that like it's not perfect at first it's it's like learning how to do everything over again you know I want to jump a little bit to a happier time for you now because we we've all met you as one of the horse of impulsive you know a [ __ ] good podcast you know it's done really well in America it's like I feel like we're your brother podcasts from over here you know I love a lot of people if they don't know you guys met through work you got you were working at this [ __ ] big beanbag store log and calls up he's won the [ __ ] beep out you're like yeah sure no problem Logan's like and your phones and all of us and this thread ship comes out of Norway and and I'm not saying you would never have found your way onto YouTube at somebody because I think some people are just destined to create content or creative people and you're one of those people but you met him at a really interesting time and you met him around the time of the Tokyo you know all the suicide for us all of that stuff where he was probably rock-bottom himself yeah so you come in with experience of being at rock-bottom and you get this kid who isn't at the same rock-bottom by any means but you know I think this few people I think in terms of YouTube with that maybe the most hey youtubers ever got ever oh yeah so so it's not the same as being a drug addict who's almost dying but it's [ __ ] hard regardless yeah and and I was one of the people who was set as saying some [ __ ] about him at the time so what about that what was that like being around him at that moment tell us from behind the scenes how he was hard because he gives a very you know we all tell our story in a certain way and we get used to saying over and over again but you were there for that real [ __ ] I want to know about what that there's a little bit about it in the book but listen like for people who don't know Logan Paul and maverick are are this is an organization this isn't like like this isn't like a like even like dobrik and some of these other massive massive creators like this kid this kid is surrounded by some of the brightest business minds and some of the most eager and and and influential people in the business world in the content world like this was the the [ __ ] breadwinner so many people had put their bets in on this [ __ ] kid dude year one maverick clothing 35 million dollars in [ __ ] sales no signs of slowing down like this was that the the VCS were lining up like people were ready to put money and people were hedging we're making those bets and so I think a lot of people see this you know chachi kid with a camera but I mean this kid was at the top of the [ __ ] world like he had the rock he had [ __ ] Kevin Hart everybody was friends of them like he was crushing it dude and he was doing it on the business side as well because no one had done clothing yet people had tried it but no one had done clothing yet he was the first one that make a [ __ ] clothing brand and and sell millions and millions and millions of dollars worth when Tokyo happened a hundred people watched everything [ __ ] burn bro from his parents to the investors to all his management to all the people that were watching to himself to his friends and what what happened after Tokyo and for about six months to a year after that was one of the most aggressive vicious manipulative backstabbing infighting periods of an organization that I've ever seen in my life and I've been through some drug organizations and some really really top-level Corp corporate environments people don't realize what you choose like behind the scenes it's is it's not what you see on the combat say it's not except for I hope with people like us where I give you a nothing then you do you know what I'm saying so it is good but it was nasty bro and you know you had you had you know old you know CEO versus dad versus mom versus me versus Logan and and this person's in load and there's girlfriend's involved it was a [ __ ] mess and you had this person telling Logan one thing and then coming and telling me something else and every there are so much infighting as you watched this 50 million dollar machine that was supposed to put kids through college and by everybody AMG Mercedes and houses in the hills [ __ ] collapse around everyone and I had already become pretty good friends with Logan we were we were we were pretty pretty tight and he had already looked at me as an advisor and as a as a confidant and as a friend but that was the time that that set our relationship in concrete in rock bro because when everything else fell and every single person or all the people that are no longer with us and and and and you know we've done a lot of restructuring obviously but when everyone that he needed in his life at the time was making grabs for power and for money and for chess moves to put other people down I was sitting there saying I want nothing I want nothing I don't want [ __ ] I don't want I don't want a [ __ ] tag on Instagram I there was one day where after Tokyo happened I flipped out and I said yo this team this business needs a review process I know 1 million dollar annual businesses that have every single piece of [ __ ] content they make reviewed by a five person team if you had done the right [ __ ] thing Tokyo never would have happened that [ __ ] would have been reviewed by the lawyers or the legal team or the review team the PR team and killed immediately but because you let the power rest in the hands of a 22 year old 23 year old now we got a [ __ ] problem put a review team in place one month or whatever it was after that I was sitting on the tarmac I'm about to leave JFK to come back here and I got if I look on [ __ ] Google and the kid tased the [ __ ] rat and he's got no money and now he's demonetised he's got no [ __ ] brand deals he's got no I got a question about Logan though do you think that there was a little bit of him they thought there's gonna be some backlash there's gonna be some people who love me and I'll take it take it both for what it is or do you think he was clueless about what was coming out or now this was this was Logan he didn't give a [ __ ] he didn't care he was he was pissed off that he got the backlash on on video one and now he was gonna say [ __ ] you I'm gonna do whatever I [ __ ] want dude he's still he still hadn't learned it wasn't until he took the step away after the rat and got humbled big time hey man if you keep this up all this [ __ ] goes away all this [ __ ] goes away all of it the cars the money the fame all of it as much as you want to believe that you're running the show you report to someone else no matter how big we get me you Logan anybody Susan like Joe ski is our [ __ ] boss bro whatever [ __ ] last name is Susan at YouTube that's our boss and so he he needed he was the invincible 23 year old that wanted to say [ __ ] you and it wasn't until after that happened and until he spent the next year away and learning the box obviously and and and spending hours and hours and hours with people who wanted to make him a better person and looking within himself to see what he was doing wrong then he became the Logan Paul that you know today which is a which is the [ __ ] man bro I've got a couple more questions unlock and I don't want to go on and on and on about because this is about you but a lot of people love to get your perspective on Logan because you get a different side of him than everyone else and I heard you mentioned something in a recent podcast about how early on Logan's someone in Logans family wasn't that keen on you and I genuinely don't know the [ __ ] this was and Logan was ready to defend you to a point where he was ready to throw down our I think we can all guess who were probably good but but I want to know about this because this is fascinating [ __ ] the fact that he is willing to defend you like that is it's powerful there's this infamous night we don't really talk about it a lot but we mention it on the podcast all the time there's this infamous night this was right in the middle of the Tokyo fighting it was right in the middle of all of that in fighting about who was gonna be the next this who was gonna be the next step and that one point Logan had even asked me yo do you want to do you want to be the CEO and the leader of this organization you have background you have corporate experience I trust you I know you'll do the right thing for me do you want to lead this ship and I said to him I don't believe that I have the experience and the wherewithal and the knowledge to be that person like that would have made me a [ __ ] ton of [ __ ] I would have made a lot of [ __ ] money a lot of money or off both of those fights I would have took a percent like I said that's That's not me unfortunately as bad as I wish it could be there was massive infighting and and manipulation around who was gonna be the leader the new leader of the camp and who was gonna do this and who's gonna do that and it led to this sit down in the garage of his house where there was about 15 people and it turned into this it turned into this this witch hunt that was fact less and baseless and made attacks on my character that Logan knew were not true and that Evan knew were not true because I was so let this the fact that he was willing to give you that job people were starting to sense that Logan and I were getting very close in both the business the friendship the advice Department everywhere why is that a problem though if you are someone on the team or that's around the team that stands to benefit off of leading Logan in a direction that he shouldn't be going when the guy comes in that tells Logan not to go in that direction he's a [ __ ] threat a massive threat and so there were a couple people who had started to create a massive problem at the top of the organization that then trickled down and led to this one fateful meeting where it got hotter than I could ever tell you and and there was a lot of people and it turned into this massive accusation and manipulation fast what was the worst thing anyone said about Utah give me an example there that that I'm a drug that I'm a drug addict that I'm a risk to the camp that I'm a criminal that was this old one person or was this multiple people it was there was a couple people and and and and and you know most most of them are no longer a part of the organization there's a couple that are gone maybe those people didn't know me yet because they're because they're people also that were part of that meeting who weren't exactly coming to my defense that know me now and I'm very good friends with and so the the lesson that came out of that night was don't pass a very important judgment on someone until you get the chance to know them I think that is such a overlooked statement in the influencer world and in this industry that we live in where people watch us talk and they watch us on videos for two minutes or five minutes or ten minutes depending on the length of our vlogs our podcast and they make these judgments about who we are as people or about our lives and so you saw that happen in a microcosm during this meeting and it led to this really really dramatic moment where I was face-to-face with someone that was about to turn into a fight and Logan jumped in and basically said you know you're not gonna do this to my [ __ ] friend was that Jake poll I've gotta ask these questions omit you know what it's like I mean listen I try to stay out of the drama bro you know what I'm saying but I mean listen like means me and Jake have had a really you know storied relationship it's been it's been really tricky it's not because he's this brother and they got obviously they love each other but then you're coming along and you naturally click with Logan is there any of that which is a little bit like he's my brother not yours or is it just competitive I don't know any of that [ __ ] Jake is still growing and maturing I think we can see though in his Instagram yeah yeah he's still figuring it out also as a person Jake is much more likely to conflict than Logan is he's abrasive as a result of that of his build of the way he that the way that he is this fiery always on fighting kind of person he's going to have those clashes with a lot of people not just me and he has we've seen it in the past whether it be you know rice gum whether it be banks whether it be Logan whoever we've seen those clashes happen but I think you're spot on when when you say you know is there this fear of somebody else coming into the family like listen like I'm low I'm Logan's brother dude I got Mogens [ __ ] brother dude literally like his mom is like another mom to me like we're best [ __ ] friends and so I can't you know I can't speak for him I can't I can't speak for Jake and explain why me and him have had you know the troubles that we've had in the past the the the the thing that has upset me about it I have constantly tried to even though I've sometimes had little beef somewhere I've said [ __ ] on shows or whatever in content behind the scenes I've always tried to go out of my way to help him constantly constantly yelled what advice do you need like what's going your relationship do you want to talk to my girlfriend do you want to like what do you what can we do to help you get to where I've had our 2/3 our conversations with them where's your where's your head out with him no they're not because obviously this was a while ago and the kid is growing what do you think about know I've endless patience for people do die I said you know in an interview last week that there's only so many chances that like you give people before you just get tired to pull in that [ __ ] knife out of your back you know what I'm saying or or your your front whatever um but in all honesty dude like I'll always I'll always be there for that kid I I see more of I see way way more of myself in Jake than I do in Logan way more in myself bro he's he's a [ __ ] you know as far as his mentality he's a fiery kid who unfortunately a lot of times doesn't look at the big picture and I was the same way I was the same way and um I don't know what it is I don't I don't know what it is and why you know me and him having you know been able to get to a point where we're consistently on good terms um but but it will happen it will happen IIIi truly do love the kid I truly do care about him a lot you know it's who knows what the reasoning is and honestly like this is the most I've talked about it and probably most I want to really talk about it but um I think I think you know give it give it time and and we're good right now like if I see him we DAP each other up um he's the co-host of a show that is on MTV like we're good it's just a matter of just you know creating a I need to I think I need to do a better job of understanding what the [ __ ] is going on you know what I'm saying because like I don't have any feelings towards him I have no negative feelings towards him there's just always been a little bit of like uneasiness on his part and I think maybe it does come down to the fact that yo like you're not you're not my brother's brother so why are you how and why have you turned into that you know what I'm saying I'm almost [ __ ] love talking to you cuz it's like after 11:00 here and where I'm going strong listen to me Jory I'm doing this for you that's it all my other interviews have been 15 minutes so when they ask me about bugs when they asked me about Jake Paul I said I love Jake Paul next question but um and a lot men okay guys time it's time to talk about the women so I'm an avid watcher of porn just as yourself me I'm not even gonna get this isn't about Lana you've been [ __ ] multiple porn stars like quite a few several oh so it's funny because it's late in the UK as we're doing this right now and it's quite early I'm having a whiskey I'm feeling great am I talking about porn so tell me right you're sitting there watching it watching a girl on porn for four months maybe even years and then all of a sudden she's in bed with you and it's like [ __ ] like now I get there like have the real deal like a lot of us feel pressure let a Lordan but when we've seen a girl you know acrobatic doing all sorts of wild [ __ ] howdy out it what was up for you damn it's this is such a loaded question bro oh listen like the first the first girl I met in well I met a couple in the space like earlier when I first started coming in names name was I well the first girl I met was Riley and obviously like she's she's the Oh at the time I thought she was the hi the biggest porn star I was never gonna meet I was like yawn that Riley read holy [ __ ] [ __ ] and the first thing you realize about these girls is all the [ __ ] you've seen on videos doesn't change the fact that when you meet them they're normal [ __ ] people bro they're just normal they're just normal girls like when you meet them you you have this like this you don't know really what to expect but they're like kidding you the person that's watched 50 Riley read videos expects you're gonna walk in you're gonna go to shake her hand but you're gonna shake over her head cuz she's already gonna be on her knees sucking your dick you know what I'm saying like you don't know what you don't know what to expect are they like that in real life what do they like and then you meet them they're just regular regular girls bro like these girls could all have office jobs you would never know in a million years this they do for work and so once you remove the idea that every second is gonna turn into a [ __ ] interracial gangbang just normal you just with a normal girl like Nava I know you're saying it's like they're real people that they're not like any other different girls not like most of the time but obviously there's an element to them that ain't normal you know what I mean and that's a good thing I'm not having a go at that we celebrate that on the true Jordi you choose all right so so let's talk about the what some of these times where you've been getting down to over these porn star girls was there any moment where you're like [ __ ] I better bring that a plus plus game yeah honey always like I'm not gonna lie I've been open about performance enhancers brought never shied against those things I don't get what cuz listen when I first I loved them when I first started when I first started [ __ ] with girls in LA and that was when I first started doing these because by the way like between you and me since no one else is listening it wasn't always one girl it wasn't always two girls it wasn't always three girls you know what I'm saying like I mean I because there is a point where they do turn the switch and they do turn into the girl you've seen the videos of you know what I'm saying and I bet in those scenarios where it's me verse for me verse five like it's happened with girls you [ __ ] know and it's not even something I normally talk about both since we're having this conversation when I first started doing that [ __ ] I was still drinking I was still going on partying and so a lot of these times I would come home and I would be like kind of to be honest I was still getting [ __ ] up and I'd be [ __ ] up but I'd be like y'all I need to pop a blue shoe or some pillow right now cuz I'm [ __ ] up I'm not gonna be able to do this I got whiskey dick you know what I'm saying I gotta [ __ ] and so yo so like that's that that helps you know if you're in that shape but normally like here's the thing just like every other girl they are going to unless they're the very strange breed of pornstar and I can name a couple names and and speak for them most of these girls are going to enjoy sex with someone that they've created some sort of chemistry with just like every other girl on earth and so no matter what any of them say and all any preconceived notion you have about oh my god like my dicks not gonna be big enough for I'm not gonna be able to [ __ ] like these porn stars do and I'm so I'm so nervous now they don't enjoy that [ __ ] they don't enjoy a few of them do but a lot of them look at their work on set the same way you look at doing your taxes they don't want to be doing a [ __ ] five-person gangbang they don't want to they do it because it's a means to an end for them to make a name for themselves for them to make money it's a job just like any other [ __ ] job to them shut up I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear this they love it no lying liar here's why it's a good thing here's why it's a good thing - oh good because when you meet them and you create a bond with them and they [ __ ] with you as a person you are able to give them better sex than mandingo is now imagine being able to say that like you're Luther like when when when when Lana tells me okay actually let me rephrase that when al maraa tells me because that's her actual [ __ ] name that I give her the best dick that she's ever gotten in her life when she told me that the first five times I was like are you [ __ ] kidding me stop being a [ __ ] and telling me [ __ ] that stop lying to me but when you start to understand the psyche of women they are emotionally and chemically aroused unlike men who say oh look tits or dick absolutely absolutely son you're dropping [ __ ] and so and so when you realize that women are turned on by your ability to connect with them relate to them make them feel loved make them feel chairs then you are stand why you're able to give girls that have had you know 20 30 whatever amount of dicks good sex you know what I'm saying and so really I mean dude it's been a learning experience for me too but I'm a wife I'm a wild dude people asked me to try to make sense of situations and I can't do that because there's no sense to be made I'm just on a rollercoaster ride that's it dude you know you've never judged the women though in the way that a lot of men do and I'm a bit like you like if you could give me a girl who's out a hundred dicks or one dick I know which one I'm [ __ ] choosing a good [ __ ] time you know what I mean and that's why me I think I've always liked that about you like you don't you don't prejudge the way a lot of people do I guess why is that why is that for you why do you not care if you have some sort of religious reasoning or you have some sort of like preconceived mindset about the sanctity of women and what they're supposed to be and how they're supposed to act I completely respect that I completely respect that there's absolutely nothing wrong that people can feel however they want I always say different strokes for different folks me personally having seen the terrors of this [ __ ] world having seen and by the way done the things that I've done who the [ __ ] am I to judge someone for who they've had sex with the amount bro I hate saying this this is not me bragging this is not me bragging the amount of bodies I have is a hundred times higher than the amount of Bondi bodies that Lana Rose has quite [ __ ] literally bro I dude there were times in my life where I would stick my dick in any [ __ ] thing dude without asking any [ __ ] questions I didn't give a [ __ ] hundreds and hundreds bro this girl worked with 20 dudes over the course of a year later got married and had a husband and only and only was having sex with him she has maybe three or four bodies outside of [ __ ] porn these are rookie numbers compared to the bodies that I know of girls that have in LA I understand people's inability to get to the place that I'm talking from because bralette is kind of [ __ ] nasty it's nasty [ __ ] and unless you're a little [ __ ] up it won't make sense to you for the average American the average person in the UK who wants to raise a family they want to do it with this angel of a person I get that I get that but I don't live in that world I don't exist in that place and so so Who am I to judge someone for for what they've done to make ends meet it's just not who I am it's not the kind of person I am you know what I'm saying especially when I've done worse so you've mentioned LA noire a few I'm saying and the way we watched you guys meet on camera was kind of like cute like I remember watching it there because obviously Laura's a beautiful woman and as your friend I'm like yes like I'm rooting for you all the way you know but I never thought that anything would come from that video you know that birthday present video and all of a sudden you guys clicked and I was like yeah yeah for the camera but this [ __ ] was for real what was it like when you were off-camera and you were just being regular people how did what made you guys connect more than you would with another girl she's not actually the normal the kind of girl I would normally connect with because what's the normal girl you'd connect with just Justin so just in this in the my they're usually in the mindset of being very extroverted they want to talk they want a party they want to do this kind of [ __ ] and by the way the majority of porn stars I've had little things not relationships I didn't date them but I've had things with other adulterers as you mentioned and even those ones they're very extroverted they want a party yeah [ __ ] yeah drink dude whatever right whatever the [ __ ] they do Amara is very different she is a true introvert she does not want to see anyone she wants to work on her own [ __ ] she wants to do her own [ __ ] and she's very very shy almost to a point that she's awkwardly shy like I'm talking to her and she doesn't really know how to Spahn she's kind of closed off you know um but the first thing that I noticed about her was that she was hands down quite literally one of the sweetest people that I'd ever met my entire life man like like just just so kind sweet and just like just an a good person like just a good person and it was apparent to me in the first couple times that we hung out that she was just a really nice girl and and I it was almost like as soon as I started hanging out with her I hated the fact or the idea that people judge her for what they saw and never got the chance to know who she really was they upset me so bad and I didn't want to be another example of that and so as we started to hang out and get to know each other I realized just how [ __ ] great she was and how sweet and supportive and loyal I mean since day one every you know you guys will always love this store of every football player you know soccer player big dogs ro big dogs like the homies on the big teams ro have been in her DMS rappers big [ __ ] rappers I wish I could say names I'm not gonna [ __ ] do it and it's always you know look who DME and then she just deletes it deletes it she's not she's she's very different than everyone else in this LA Circle mostly because you can't impress Lana Rhodes with your Lamborghini because she has a nicer Lamborghini than you you know what I'm saying and so like y'all her ability to be a businesswoman and a crush on her own aside pushes away a lot of that [ __ ] where girls are usually turned on by wealth so she's she's just not into the same things that other girls are she doesn't care if you have a hit single she doesn't give a [ __ ] if you the only thing she cares about is can you be loyal to her can you respect her can you support her that's what she cares about and so that was all very apparent to me right off the bat and I said y'all like dude I didn't know when I first started talking to where I was I within a week I was in bed with her and Riley at the same time and I was like yo this is gonna go the same way that this is gone every other time I'm gonna [ __ ] this girl and I'm never gonna I'm gonna and I'm gonna put her in a rotation and I'm gonna move on to you know whoever else and it just didn't go like that I mean we spending we started spending more and more time together and I think I think I think that we see a project in each other and I and I I don't know how I feel about saying this but I'll just say it I think that we both see like a dog who's been beaten up a lot you know what I'm saying and a dog that's you know been put through [ __ ] that they wish they had in and done things that they don't like and don't feel great about and just want to be loved and respected and supported when you find someone who's willing to reciprocate that forgiveness and that support it goes a long way you know what I'm saying and so it's it's uh she's been absolutely incredible she's been absolutely incredible and and you know extremely supportive extry just you know I've never had to worry about another guy which is something to be said in LA she all she wants to do is be with me and all she asks his first fact and support and you know obviously I haven't been perfect throw you know I you know I you know I don't know if you plan on asking about her what haven't been perfect yeah that was beautiful but unfortunately I stopped listening after you said you were in bed with Riley and Laura at the same time what the hell happened I need every detail brought as much as I wish this story was gonna be great that threesome did not happen that threesome didn't happen I was gonna say she must be cuz they're like friends they're very good yeah they're good friend Lana's quite she seems quite possessive over you in a good way she is she is she there's no we're not there's no threesomes at all she's not she's uh she's down for it but it would have to be her choice it would have to be it would have to be her choosing and you know it also feels like to me that uh it feels like one of those threesomes that's actually a trap like you do it and then your [ __ ] you're just [ __ ] yeah so I probably won't do it but yeah that that didn't happen I mean obviously you know me and Riley had some things happen in the past but you know it's it's a sense that sense me and since me and I Maura Matt dude it's you know I had obviously that one thing that happened but other than that it's it's been it's just for those that don't know Mike Mike got his dick sucked by some random girl who really was after the clout and and you and I you but we've both been victims of that a little bit in the past in different ways you got off lucky basically that was a speed bump for you guys and I really thought that that was you were [ __ ] but you handled that both you handled that really well and that was what made me think oh this could last how did you how did you get over that so fast she didn't have that much of a leg to stand on because we were so the relationship was so new you know what I'm saying like it's really hard for a girl to meet a guy especially in LA and for the guy to even for a second be cool with I met you today we're dating tomorrow it's just not how the landscape works here or really anywhere it's like you have this courting period you have this talking period you have you know then you have the exclusivity conversation where you're like okay you're mine I'm yours nobody else we just strict we just hadn't gone there I think men and women are so different than her I guarantee if every man watching this right now like who's had like you know a few years or is well-thought how many girls if I proposed them would they have said yes this is how many girls like the other way would want to marry like it's totally lopsided women are so too relaxed about commitment I don't know what it is men foot freak the front scares the [ __ ] I mean it has since day one and so like as soon as you started talking that way in a way that was kind of like my like I feel like I've tried to sabotage the relationship where I was like yeah yo if I could just do this maybe it'll push her away enough that this won't happen or some [ __ ] I don't know what the [ __ ] I was thinking it was a horrible horrible mistake and but luckily I you know I said to her after I came back I talked to where we hung out a bunch more times and I said you know I made a really bad mistake I'm really really sorry and I promise you I looked in her eyes and I said you know I promise you with everything in me that this will never ever happen again I was like I can't say that we're not gonna break up I can't say that we're gonna get married and have this great love story I don't know what's gonna happen but as long as I'm dating you you will never have to worry about me talking to or or having any kind of sexual relationship with another woman and I truly do stand by that truly mean that and like I said like if I had that desire and it was something I wanted I would have a conversation about us breaking up before I did that because that soft bro it felt horrible it made me upset with myself it [ __ ] [ __ ] her up and it just like if you're watching this if you're still watching this don't [ __ ] cheat don't cheat dude that is that's the worst I do believe the reason we were able to walk past it was because we weren't officially a relationship yet yeah what what I want to do is give Lana bit of credit because as an outsider looking in especially as a youtuber like I'm in a similar situation you saw having a supportive relationship especially someone who has the clout that long hours let's not kid myself the fact that she took that photograph I posted your book up with her I was like no no no not dude the next she's on the next level bro she's a myth like honestly she she's so [ __ ] supportive it's crazy she's never asked for anything I mean I think I think you know cuz obviously you know how the kids love to talk bro it's been ever since she's come around it's been a lot of reviews and this and that like all that you know all the [ __ ] that obviously people deal with when when they collaborate on the platform it's like using this and using that but I think I think she's I think the crossover that we've created and relationship has benefited the both of us tremendously dude it's changed the game I want to say porn stars should be thanking her like so much because the word porn star it's a dirty word to many people and then all of a sudden you've got Logan Paul one of the biggest youtubers in the [ __ ] world clearly laying on the fact that he is his best friend's girlfriend is huge on views and he's putting there in his [ __ ] titles he did one today in fact right so it's it's changing like I guess YouTube was being seen as this clean little kiddie thing and porn stars being seen as this day like all of a sudden like they're becoming mainstream because of people like Lana she's changing it for sure and and listen like we're still not there all the way and I do want to I do want a greatly attribute and or a tribute and and give thanks to Riley for doing it as well because Logan's simply called Riley and Riley made it happen Riley is a is probably that industry's greatest gift that they've ever been given in terms of the ability to push the genre into an accepted place the the gift that keeps on giving Riley incredible she's the she is such a great person such a good person and you know she's obviously done wonders for bringing it to mainstream obviously Adam and Lana had the first true YouTube porn relationship the reason Adam 22 yup and Lana the plug the reason why mine is a little bit different and doesn't do as much of the heavy lifting as someone else will eventually is because she's retired and so since she's since she's I love the idea of thinking of myself as like this warrior who is able to overlook anything but I would not be able to overlook the fact that my girlfriend was currently doing pornography I caught it call it a weakness in me call it I don't know what you want to call it I can't I would not be able to deal with that and I think a lot of people watching this would could understand okay the fact that she used to do it and this is nothing against current workers or their ability to have relationships this is just me for speaking for myself the fact that she used to do it is what makes me comfortable enough to have a relationship with her and so yeah I mean she's she's the best dude she's she's incredible she's mad at me right now for something but dude I gotta be the worst person to [ __ ] do cuz let cuz listen she's a kook bro she's an introvert and all she wants is me her maybe a couple kids a couple Lamborghinis or really big-ass house she doesn't even mind paying for all of it she's basically like you don't have to do anything just come simp for me and I'll [ __ ] pay everything obviously I'm not gonna do that but since she's such an introvert she naturally has a problem with my lifestyle which is the exact opposite and so every girl that dm's me which is a lot every girl that comments every girl that you know I'm friends with from the past I'm always fighting this battle to whether or not I want to respond because I'm a nice person who just likes to talk to people but she looks at every single girl that I talk to from my past as me trying to can keep a bridge with them so that I could [ __ ] them down the line do you know what I'm saying and you know maybe she's right I'm not saying she's right but maybe some let me just what I'm saying is maybe her looking at the situation like that is right and maybe other girls who look at the situation like that maybe that's maybe they're right maybe maybe they do see it as that but as far as I'm concerned the only reason I have any come and it's very light I don't I rarely like any pictures anymore I rarely do any of that but any the only reason I'm ever talking anybody's because yo there's a lot of girls out there that I'm genuinely friends with okay so can I ask you the question you said she'd be happy settling down and a couple of kids couple of Lamborghinis all that good stuff do you see that as a real serious possibility for you guys I don't see it as a possibility but I don't not see it as a possibility do you understand what I'm saying so feel like a dream almost like it's almost not 100% here's why and this is the thing that we've kind of had to like deal with this because she wants that she really wants it she wants up tomorrow yeah and she's 23 and I'm like y'all trust me slow the [ __ ] down dude like Sheree owns houses everyone like she's got everything all set up the thing about me right now is and it sucks cuz I'm 35 bro but I am on a [ __ ] mission right now dude like to just to just [ __ ] do everything like book books gonna become a movie then that it's it like I have a million things going on and so like I don't have the time unfortunately right now to sit back count money and relax like it's just not a luxury that I have nor is it a luxury that I want right this second you don't still in second yeah like you'll just get that's it like like once the movies done and like we can we really can sit back and be like y'all we've done it different story and and and by the way also like I'm not a believer in having those kind of conversations six months into a relationship absolutely like it's it's like y'all my sister and her boyfriend or my sister my little sister and her current husband dated for [ __ ] what seven years before he bought the question you can [ __ ] things up by actually rushing it like a potential like a relation I was a real potential letting it go and letting it grow in that and having these wild experiences traveling together all that if you just settle down too quick it can almost [ __ ] it early continent oh yeah absolutely and that's what I've been and that's what and we bought dealt with a lot of that stuff because of the kind of pressure that she kind of puts on it sometimes to like push the relationship along oh they're all man they're always doing it all of them even porn stars oh yeah no absolutely girl girls are infamous for bro they want to know exactly when it starts with a toothbrush in the bathroom that's it starts oh yeah oh that's truth right I don't know you might not be all answer this because I know it's your own relationship I wanted to know this do you lover yeah I do I do III mean at first I I was um she pushed for that word so early yeah and started using it and that word to me it has such weight like I like my family when I was growing up we weren't the kind of family that just said that like we would only say I love you if somebody was getting on a flight or going in for surgery you know what I'm saying like and so did she the fact that she kind of throws it around a little bit more was I couldn't relate and I wouldn't use it but eventually when I realized the kind of person that she was and and and and how great she is for me and to me and and and vice versa and the relationship that we have and what what grew out of it I couldn't deny it anymore and so eventually you know it's it um like was it was it like one of those relationships because that was just like crazy love at first sight it was it really was and I can honestly say that but what we've grown into and I like that I like the idea that we grew into it we were kind of like friends first and then it kind of grew into it and so now yeah without a shadow of a doubt I love her I mean she's she's she's incredible bro she's incredible I'm happy for you mom I'm really happy for you thank you yeah I'll watch your little vlogs and I'm like there's Mike I'm happy for this guy I've got a few more questions bro you're becoming quite a wealthy man no money's gonna be comment to you I wondered if you're finding yourself becoming a little bit more materialistic no really no not at all not not not yet and I don't know what I don't know what it'll start I have Adam gave me no jumper shorts about probably a year ago I wear them every day I have them on right now I wear no jumper shorts every day I have one pair of Yeezys I have a maverick shirt that got given to me for free I've been in LA I said it on podcast if I wanted to get the matching Lambo that Lana hasn't good buy right [ __ ] now cash I don't I don't know I don't know what it is I don't know why because most business men like yourself you're a bit of a businessman now they are driven by that but you seem to be driven more by the the actual game itself rather than the outcome yeah for sure and also I think that the strongest businessmen which is which is what I am deep down understand the power of cash on hand mm-hmm and yeah I've learned I've learned that recently you know what I'm saying and so like the last thing I want to do is drive up to a meeting with a couple of venture capital guys and I pull up in a brand new v10 Lamborghini and they say yo we have the next Google if you have 500 to put up front today or a million to put up front today you could buy a thousand Lamborghinis in six months or a year and me to be like oh [ __ ] I spent it oh I spent you know a good chunk of my money on a [ __ ] car that was me a year ago just to be clear last question for you Mike and I've really enjoyed this mate so thanks again for your time how would you like to be remembered I hate I hate using this answer because it it's it seems like something someone who so many people have said this but I there's nothing that makes me feel as good as knowing that I made a difference that I made some sort of impact hoarding money into a bank account buying cars having the most views on YouTube cuz I play in that if things go right I could play in that 7 million viewed apartment I have 1 3 million here whatever it's great it's [ __ ] amazing dude it feels nice it doesn't feel as nice as the message I get from some kid that says I'm 17 I watch the impulsive episode yesterday and I didn't go pick up heroin today because I don't want to go down this road any further I want to stop and I want to make of my [ __ ] life and the amount of times that I've literally like broken down crying off of the messages people have sent me I don't break down crying when my publisher says yo the book sold 50,000 [ __ ] copies in the first three that doesn't matter to me I love that I'm [ __ ] happy and the reason why that does matter is because of the message that's in the fifth vital and so that really makes me happy actually but when its views are money and that kind of [ __ ] it doesn't satisfy me the thing that satisfies me is knowing that someone's life is better as a result of me being here and so if my legacy can only be that I made an impact on one person or a thousand people or a hundred thousand people were a million people and I made their lives more livable and made them feel okay and made them feel happy or made them feel like they could make something out of a shitty situation then I've done every single [ __ ] thing that I was put on the planet to do and I could go and I could rest easy bro and the day this book went out I rested I slept better that [ __ ] night than I ever have bro because I know that people are reading it and it's making them feel like they're gonna be okay and that is the legacy that I want to [ __ ] leave and you know what it is me from the minute our footman met you we've got on fantastically well because my motivation and your motivation are exactly the same and and you feel like you're putting together a body of work that's going to help people over a period of time and views are just [ __ ] it's almost making the differences is what it's all about so you've definitely done that on our credit you may I think you've got your priorities right in life and I wish you all the [ __ ] success in the world me ously priorities are right still not perfect working out every single day and you know who knows where that where the journey goes where the road leads for either of us but um you know obviously the fifth vital on Amazon I'm sure Geordi will get the link in there somewhere for you absolutely yeah and it's it's I mean listen we didn't really talk much about the book and we'll do it next time the process has been crazy it's it's a really insane process and it has been nuts to see the feedback and how many people have opened that book and not closed it until it was done one sitting five hours six hours eight hours whatever and had some sort of life like I didn't think he was gonna do that I knew it was a great story but I didn't think it was gonna do that song you're a good writer by the way like yeah I was impressed I was like cuz I can tell this is you yeah I can tell it's you it's gritty shame I appreciate that but yeah grab the fifth light on Amazon and that's pretty much into and I appreciate you having me on a [ __ ] love you dude and I come back on whatever you want we got to get you on impulse and I know people want to see that yeah [ __ ] yeah as soon as this lockdown [ __ ] is lifted I'll be over limit because I need to get over this country so don't forget to check out the fifth vital on Amazon the link is in the description below thumbs are going to Mike go and check out his channel don't forget clocked in all and on me I'm a subscriber you got me hit the like button subscribe to the true Geordie YouTube channel thanks for watching and I'll see you later

Channel: True Geordie

Views: 1,385,430

Keywords: Logan Paul, Mike Majlak, Lana Rhoades, Impaulsive, True Geordie, Jake Paul, KSI, Sidemen, THE NIGHT SHIFT, Lana, Mike, IMPAULSIVE, Riley Reid, Riley, Logan

Id: d1t4L55DIdY

Length: 123min 57sec (7437 seconds)

Published: Mon May 18 2020