Laurence McKenna’s Housemate From Hell

you said to me the other night when you're on the phone you're having a bit of bother with a bloke who you live with thank you you have a shared living situation and I could hear him shouting in the background I then run you a daily new for what you were go to the police station about this or something like that yeah so what tell us what's been going on at home so I originally ran as caveat this with the fact that it it make I'm not culturally insensitive towards other people or I live in a part of London where it's predominantly in a mixture of like Caucasian guys and girls and like the Bangladeshi community of London they all live around Brick Lane and you're loving it and it's a nice area to live because a there's some really good food and B it's like not quite a nice family quiet area no one read bothers anyone and it's nice and if you know if you want something you know get it well yeah what do you mean by that you know if you want to know know like if you want if you want like good food you can just walk out it's on your doorstep you know Bangladeshi community make good food well I mean just there's a lot of good chefs in the area it's notoriously for anyway that's by the by so I was looking for a new place and I go in with the estate agent the estate agent goes in lovely through the place there are two young professionals living in here you'll be absolutely fine I was like I'd have to meet them it's alright I've lived with a few because generally when you look around London you're like oh this place school boy era now I've moved into places before before meeting people it was fine and I you know I tend you know even the most situations you barely ever come into contact with them anyway so first day I mean you're living with them you barely ever come at the condo like you know you open your door close your door you know it's two other guys as far as I'm concerned so any other first day I moved into the house open my door and there he is standing there he's like I describe him I want to know what he looks at I want to know his age I want to know everything he's like a middle mid 30s he they're on me sort of five five or five foot six five foot seven her graying hair and he's a nationality he's American and he's kind of he's back American guy but quite small mhm and he has like a bit of an American accent but not quite rockin identify where it's from trimmer says he's from Chicago and says he doesn't like Barack Obama but and I and I'm step I'm standing there like okay well we're not gonna get along but the thing was Donald Trump is like coming up at the time so he sort of says to me he's like do you like he's trying we're trying to gauge each other so we're standing there like two guys in the hallway and he's like a few things you need to but I'm no and I was I'm perfectly reasonable cuz I'm not listen you know I might have my best friend who sometimes comes down to it stay with me or Lisa I've got a girlfriend she's gonna be coming around to the flat like you know we're just gonna be relaxing around like any normal flat wooden he's like oh you know it's it's not cool if you bring people to someone you're not married to into the house and I was like my few issues we're gonna have a few issues there you're not married no it's not Texan he's he's got like a married he's got in common in boy yeah it's very similar to that it in there and then he said to bring and omen you don't touch my cutlery damage my [ __ ] curly and cut us and don't speak to my wife and I was like you know what are the [ __ ] wife you know what that saves me a conversation but I don't want to have like most the time you're like I don't care anyway we just you come from a whole other world all right almost slap your where's boy my first problem anyway so the problem comes when just living alongside someone else yeah if you want to let's see it you've got blue balls you haven't seen the missus oh no no I don't take now don't even bring up I don't bring um I said I don't care I'm bringing my girlfriend back because she just be made welcome however you want so anyway my girlfriend's more than welcome to come from my side into the house right not from his side the first time I bring her back she goes to use its goes to wash her hands because we're about to eat dinner and I saw you were about to we're about to eat dinner and she's in the bathroom and I'm waiting in another room like cooking dinner preparing stuff right and out of nowhere all I hear is what the hell is this I've know out of nowhere right and right now you're shaking the tables an appointment in the what the hell is this right out of nowhere and I my girl my girlfriend more than that for herself so she's just like what what is going on I came out in the hall and he's there and he says to her he says get out get out of this house you're not on the leash you're not allowed in and I was like well you're allowed guests he's like no no one no one sanction this I'm gonna go to the landlord etc and I was like man no one's saying shouldn't no one's allowed a guest mmm listen man everyone's allowed a guest because I take another people's accident my girlfriend's like obviously little bit shaken up by the situation so he's shouting at her you shouting at her and she's the funny thing is right she loves getting like she's more than capable of giving back so she's like I'm allowed in this place what's your problem so we're both standing there in the hall and he says she could be anyone and I was like she's not anyone I'm here I'm right he's my girlfriend and only that but like if you walk into you know you've seen my girlfriend she's you know she's not a very like physically in person she's very slim yeah she's you know and he says yeah but she could she could be anti-islamic oh my [ __ ] god so is he is he obviously a Muslim he's Muslim that really doesn't come into it that's why he's saying you know no sex under my roof young boy yeah but then do you own the place no thanks that's what you think cuz I've been having sex for meself for the last week took it away right loving it so I'm gonna put this way you wouldn't get along with him so he was like I wanna [ __ ] not the cut note be honest so what happened off because he's a Muslim just cause he's a one come yet because he has a right so I'm trying to think the first time that he ended up so anyway I have a friend down and I and and I say I go to him and I say is my it's my best friend's right and you know when you live in weather with I'm your best friend who's one of my best friends I'm a best friend from a beam from childhood comes down and when you have a guest to say in London there's not very much space so I'm afraid no coming I'm asleep in the same watch your space anyway in the same bed there's nothing weird about it you know you can't no I cannot let this quite you I find it you sleep in the same bed with your is this a fella I'm assuming yeah yeah a man do you do you what do you top and tail do you sighs I will be top and tail we're absolutely fine sighs you ever seen more command wise so yeah but I mean spoon and all know why why would we spoon I'm a grown man like I can't even fit in another like literally it's like a woman so I double bed what if I'm like a nice big double bed so it it's more than reasonable for fitting to people it's so you spooning in single did you share a bed together yeah so here to make a lot what you will make it no because I don't think there's anything weird about sharing a bed with your friend I'm Shepherds men my family's all about when this is happening are you drunk or sober like what's over anyway nothing's gonna happen we're just a little bit strange I mean if we went away you wouldn't you wouldn't feel comfortable if you and I shared a bit I wouldn't want to share a bed with you if the situation arose it's not like I'm gonna be like oh well to be honest I know he's getting it tonight I've got to be honest you would be on the floor and I'd be get in the bed that's the way it would work I would always think of it the other way around but fair enough no you'd be on the floor I think I'm over Tupper no no you'd be lying on the floor I'd be lying on a bed and never the twain shall meet yes all right so carry on your mates coming down having a birthday having a big bash so we know I mentioned a birthday so anyway we are laying in bed about 1:00 a.m. and as we is we realize he probably just think that's a good thing yeah he's angry that I have a man and so I'm laying in bed and and what I wouldn't poke my friend and I have a bit of passion for podcasts right so we loved you as we go to sleep we play Barack Obama's audio book you know you can barely like you know when I close my door you can barely hear anything right and I've tested it I've gone outside my room played music this is the point I've come to where I've gone outside my own bedroom in my own house played music in my room and check what you can hear and it's the sort of thing where it goes so you can't really hear anything out of nowhere I hear very loud music right to the point where I turn to my friend like it's 1:00 a.m. in the morning we both fight so oh good night yeah go to sleep we're both talking ourselves in right and there's no one UN doing that and out of nowhere really loud music got his music isn't it so I go and I tend to my friend on the shoulder I'm like oh this is actually really good sometimes people have like wedding parties in the neighborhood let's go we look out the window and I'm like of me it's not coming from outside the window it's instead you look you look and you look together and you look to each other oh my god he just goes I'm going back to bed I'm like okay there's a because he he loves to play his music around the house anyway but it'll only play it when I play my music so I come to my music I think I think it's like prayer music alright so it's definitely not so he's not listening to us or Barry White yeah so he's not trying to woo me from outside my bedroom so I opened the door and outside my door is a chair that's clearly been set down exactly outside the door with what looks like a Nokia 3210 on it blasting music I'm not kidding it's like I could set my iPhone down and it wouldn't be that noise it wouldn't be that loud you know you've got your iPhone is like that but imagine that 1 a.m. piercing through the night right no that is in the fridge not sorting the fridge but just taking things out and then slamming them back into the fridge and I say what are you doing so like you can imagine me fairly in crazy I'm what are you doing and he's like what are you talking about it's it's 1:00 a.m. what do you what do you mean and I was like it's 1 M like what are you doing why are you in the hallway playing music and what are you doing is I'm sorting the fridge I'm like at 1:00 a.m. and the guys like yeah of course of course like you're his sudden in line he's going to teach me a lesson in it's as if you're disappointing him with your choice of lifestyle in a way and he's hovering a footman meltdown I'm not joking I'm not joking when I when I told him and this is where it makes me sound cut for the insensitive but it's not when I first told him that I am having a friend to stay he said to me this wouldn't happen in a country with Islamic laws like you just wouldn't be allowed to have another man stay in your house and I was like I don't I don't quite know what you're getting out of it that really [ __ ] me off when people come like if I know now you may begin some really cultural is that because I understand why someone but if someone's got religious beliefs or whatever then I'm more than opens that like Mike within this four walls door you can do whatever the [ __ ] you want it's not yet but it's his aspiration in life anyway he can cover himself in lame green paint whatever he wants to do I don't care so anyway he can do any weird shits a little bit you yeah so can you listen man I'm not if you wanna not your mate off yet although that's your and you know what if I wanted to I I would but I I'd done all right good for you yeah it's my choice it's a choice of a heterosexual lifestyle that I love to lead all right so I we're then in the hallway and he's like ah son you can't be doing this son and I'm like little man like go on go back to bed and he's like no you go back to bed so we're now arguing over stupid little things whether you go back in your room and I'm like man this is stupid you go back in your room so I'm I'm I I then go back in my room and I'm angry my friends like I sorry I don't worry about it man we'll just go to bed and don't worry and I've got a big shooting next day or just all Disneyland at this point we're very affectionate friends there is a point in certain week there would be a point where that if I knew this was why in him up that much though because I I can't help a piss-take I just can't fight oh you know me so if I if I'd be in that me I would have like put my arm around you and I would have been like hey just come back to bed I'm not I'm not joking I would I would have deliberately cut it up Graham Norton hundred bucks yeah I'm not being the compass man ever just a [ __ ] with this guy this is what I was thinking you know could we go down there I couldn't stop myself I I thought you know what he's probably it's late at night he would you know he's probably just having a bad day or so let it go let it go so my friends like yeah let it go don't worry about history so anyway I'm trying to think of the first time that there were it was a blow exchanged between the two of us a blow yeah I know what you mean by no no no but between the guy that I live with and me right a bull what you mean like yeah no I didn't I didn't I haven't hit anyone in this but he he's like he's tried to actually strike me when was this I'm trying to think the first time trying to think the way around it yeah yeah you want us to come rollin and sort moat no we'll gore oh no no no don't worry pal yeah I definitely don't want you to publicly suggest any of this stuff alright because if you know because he he is my friend I'll sort he's five for five minute with all due respect everyone five for five out there there's no five-foot five man in this world taking me on and now I'm good for this guy so this guy then what was just want to say is Conor McGregor do actually love them but disappointed everyone keeps trying to treating them tried the stir [ __ ] actually don't know just want to meet you have a good time I just want to meet them hub on the podcast play a bit of UFC or on xbox well so anyway we do the first time there is they he ends up inw a something happens and he sort of does he basically comes at me and like digs me in the ribs and like lands upon learns of fairly a lot hard punch there and I'm like you know I've had enough of this man like now you've hit me you've taken that too far because I I would have no problem having a fight with someone but I don't I don't want to do that I don't want it to come back the Liverpool routes to teach him everything you found out before you I've never I've never exchanged a punch with anyone but if someone comes at me and I'm gonna defend myself so hey the first time he did that covered no he dug me in the ribs and I just basically pushed him away right and was like you've gone too far like now you're trying to physically intimidate other people in the flat I'm going to the police mistake he goes to the police as well and tells them I've punched him oh my god so I go to the police and the police are interested obviously why I'm saying and they say do you want to press charges this is where I make my first mistake I didn't press because they went it's your word against his what are you gonna do it'll go to court don't occur oh now he does press charges so he doesn't press charges right obviously isn't present matches because he's like right so I I go back and I say some things like look I just want to let you guys know so if anything does happen then I've got like a record of that happening right and he then got he he goes the police tells me exactly the same and neither of his press charges I say to hit I say to him and I say to the police I'll give you a few days cool down if you want to come and apologize to me after that that's absolutely fine in those few days he doesn't come and apologize doesn't say a word to me starts doing little passive-aggressive things around religious Mun not the most sort of this is where my problem is that he says to me he says to me I'm a I'm a I'm a religious man but I'm not a forgiving person and I was like I'm only missing the base of your own practice what you preach anyway the point is that I want the second time it's 1:00 a.m. in the morning bang bang bang pots and pans in the kitchen right mm-hmm I go into the kitchen and cook them something like and I go what are you doing again like this what are you doing why doing this and he goes I'm washing up can't you see and I'm like it's 1:00 a.m. will you listen to Barack Obama vol 2 I was in my headphones listening something and it was so loud that I could hear through my headphones this banging rightio through your headphones that's a really good point yeah so anyway I I go out I go in the kitchen he's like get out I'm trying to wash up and I was like I'm not going anywhere man this moment flat he goes if you don't get out I'll make you get out and I was like for I'd like to see this and I didn't realize this guy a little bit of a push like get slow and like pushes me as hard as he can out the literally hitting the wall that's the thing with religion comes great power yeah but let's not mix it with religion so anyway I'm like man again you've crossed another line a physical line let's call the police you need to have someone come around and tell you what they're you're gonna not make it on that phone and your phone is going to be cut off he's gonna look great without someone to do the [ __ ] podcast with yeah I have to go get him on this is what happens right I go to the piece and police go okay come and wait for us outside I'm waiting outside in basketball shorts no hoodie for half an hour for the police in which time he goes out the house somehow finds a back route and walks back into the flat in front of me as if I'm not even there so I'm sitting there like this guys are sociopath this guy is just a mental the police come around and Mako is obviously all very very silly YouTube you said a bit of an exchange and obviously you've hit him he's at you and I'm like no one's here I've not hit anyone and he's like well obviously he's come and told us that you've hit him and I was like well this up so he's like oh yeah you hit me and I was like go ahead then tell the police when his story changes in front of the police and the police still go well nothing to be done here I understand they're like is there something wrong with you is there something wrong with you this love story has just changed in front of you guys about what whenever I hit him and you're like well this all adds up we better be off to be fair though there are a lot of contradictions in religious texts or his police the way it's probably not even notice that he's doing it though these people are because obviously religion is very important some people now I want to value that alright you know and I'm obviously I value other people to leave anyway this comes to yet another head the other night when I go into the kitchen when again he's banging around at 1:00 a.m. and I say listen man you're a hypocrite and a liar you've lied to the police and you're a hypocrite for saying that you want a quiet life but you'll bang around at 1 a.m. in the morning he he basically just goes like I said to me you can't be doing your washing up at this time like is stupid go back to bed or like do whatever it is and go back to bed but don't keep me doing this and he was like no I'll do whatever I want is my flat I was like everyone's flat it's really inconsiderate to do the one o'clock in the morning so anyway I walk out the kitchen and he slams the door in my face right so I try to open the door again I'm not listen if you start treating people like this you're like you're gonna have to leave and he's like no I'll get you out the flat and I'm filming him in this whole town with my phone right no infuriates YouTube noski me infuriates him that I'm filming him because he's like fine two people can film and I was like fine two could play their game his iPhone I'm standing there with my iPhone filming each other just doing nothing no nothing and aiko is it true that you lied to the police on camera any an off-camera he'll be like yeah yeah whatever on camera I go the point is you can't reply on camera cause soon as you reply on camera you know that I can go to the police and go look he lied to you and he won't reply won't say a word why on earth are you telling him you're recording you need to get it on the fly it's very it's very obvious come on you need you need to have it like layer there by your side when he's talk and least and the police come out you've nothing he comes to the police and police come over so I then I then go back into my bedroom start to go to bed police at the front door please come in I'm I'm obviously listening from begs I can hear everything and I hear him go he was Islamophobic the policeman goes well that's a very serious hello alakay what one has he said which were me as I'm a phobic and he said he called me a hypocrite and from the policeman said with all due respect us that's not Islam a phobia that is and I said she just that could be that could be true and he's like well he has told to me in the police like okay what what what assault did he do he said he tried to open the door while I was in the room he filmed me again that's not illegally something he's allowed to film you okay then well you're you're not here for a reason so the policeman comes in my room he goes listen man it's very clear what's going on here all you need to do is get out the flat so I'm looking for another flat at the moment so any people listening in the London area I don't live with you if you have ear room spare I don't know maybe a little home with your mother you've got spare room Lawrence you know I made Sharon Xbox things that I'll be sharing Xbox share and mother so yeah the options are wide open wide quite a lot of listeners on your side yeah let's get you home yeah let's fight let's find me I remember a Lawrence isn't just for Christmas it's the life so if you do take me and you will end up with you know someone who's somebody needs walking regularly etc what about moving in with the girlfriend is that an option yet yes in a few years now probably should exactly yeah commit or get off the pot a lot of people to be in asking you haven't updated beautiful oil yeah yeah your host Mia you've kind of briefly mentioned something that I think we should mention my ever gun he might have a gun so he might have a gun because I went to I went to the kitchen the other day because I had a big crash now is like oh he's got a gun no well I don't know right so what happened was I was in my room and I heard a big crash and I was like what if someone has come in the houses and then I'll go out so go out and I'm like right ready and then I walk in the kitchen and he's just banging things around like he normally does Lawrence you weren't in the kitchen like that no obviously not that would be stewed come on then where are you are you ready who wants some yes you you look like do you know before you have a street fighter faithless yeah pause for hon yeah yes so anyway one in the kitchen and he was not not in a good mood and then surprised my said to him I was quite loud I thought someone was made for breaking in but no if someone broke in I'd shoot them now when all right how would you shoot them um with my piece and I was like does he mean his piece when was the last time that you heard and the robber was fought away by the man's penis I mean I bet you'd something before yeah what you could probably really torment a robber with a penis with a dick so he seemed serious when he said he had a he didn't let me in the eye you know but then people are on guns don't have to look you in the eye to own them he's American and that's what made me in America it's a lot more common he's also religious isn't he yeah but I don't think religion bans guns know anything I think is encouraged now my question is I don't know if he has it going or not he has a child as well like a little baby in that you don't shoot the kid yeah don't shoot the messenger either

Channel: The Pain Game

Views: 585,598

Keywords: True Geordie, Laurence McKenna, Podcast, Funny, Joe Rogan, PowerfulJRE, brendan schaub, H3 Podcast, imPaulsive, True Geordie Podcast

Id: BEL3zZqJ8QY

Length: 24min 41sec (1481 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 22 2019