Mental Filtering: Why You May Only Notice the Negative: Cognitive Distortion #4

good morning internet today i'm coming to you from  my front yard herb garden which has been overtaken   by my ginormous rosemary bush and some  leeks that i planted like four years ago   so um yeah welcome to 2020 where  every video is filmed in like   some random location in my yard today we're going  to be talking about mental filtering which is why   you may only notice the bad  things going on in your life g-a-r-r-i-s-s-o-n that is not how to spell  garrison i'm gonna remember this word forever   because it's the word that i missed in  the seventh grade spelling bee i took   second place in that prestigious event but  only because i added an extra s to garrison   do you do that do you hyper focus on the  one thing that went wrong that one little   mistake or that one mean comment on social media  instead of the hundreds of things that go right   or the hundreds of nice people out there who are  putting positive things on my youtube comments   this is called mental filtering it's a  cognitive distortion and it can make you anxious   or depressed so mental filtering is this  thought distortion where we only see one   aspect of a situation usually the negative side  of it when it comes to anxiety or depression   so you may focus on the negative and  disregard or filter out all of the positive   it might look like picking out a single negative  detail and just hyper focusing on this instead of   all the other things that are going on so mental  filtering sounds like no one is going to like me   or i can never do anything right or the world is  a terrible place and it's getting worse every day   or for example like if you have a good day at  work um but then the restaurant messes up your   take out then your whole day is ruined you obsess  about the one question you got wrong on a test i   can still remember a review i had at work it was  probably like 10 years ago where i got a piece   of feedback that i needed to manage my stress  levels better now i'm sure that my boss had a   half dozen nice things to say but i don't remember  any of them that is mental filtering the news is   a great example of mental filtering it mostly pays  attention to the scary stories like murder hornets   and it really just disregards most of the positive  things that are going on mental filtering can help   you fall out of love with your spouse when  you only notice the bad things that they do   with mental filtering we disregard we minimize  we brush aside anything that doesn't fit our   narrative but because of the sneaky nature of  cognitive distortions we probably aren't going to   notice that we're doing it and that's because our  perception creates our reality on my video about   the cognitive distortion catastrophizing i get a  lot of comments like but catastrophizing is true   when life is always terrible or people say well no  i'm not catastrophizing everything really is awful   i'm not imagining it excuse me that is a cognitive  distortion your thoughts are lying to you   do you have hot running water do you have  refrigeration do you have electric lights are you   watching this video on the internet do you have  the ability to read if the answer is yes to any   of these questions then you have more luxury than  kings and peasants for the last 99.9 of people   in the history of the earth now that is not to  say that life isn't difficult i'm sure that for   many of you life is incredibly painful and  and difficult things are happening and have   happened to you but everything isn't awful right  acknowledging and being honest with your thoughts   and your emotions is not the same as only  sitting with the crappy ones so seeing things   clearly requires us to see both sides the  the painful the crappy the difficult things   and also the positives so the global pandemic  and social distancing really are difficult   they're painful and if you're watching this you  also have access to the internet which is pretty   miraculous if you look at the big picture history  of the world one of the reasons that i love to   read archaeology is because it really broadens my  perspective it helps me appreciate the positive   things that are happening in my life even when it  feels like the world is falling apart a little bit   so if you can't see anything positive then your  thoughts are lying to you mental filtering makes   us more anxious but anxiety also makes us  mental filter more because anxiety attunes   our brain to threats it makes it so that we're  more likely to notice the bad that is happening   mental filtering can also make us more depressed  when we only notice the bad life is depressing   but when we feel crappy when we feel  depressed we're more likely to mental filter   now even though mental filtering can cause  depression and depression can cause mental   filtering we still have room for choice in our  life we can take intentional action to change   how we think but first we have to realize why  we're hanging on to the lies what the distorted   reality is doing for us so mental filtering  serves a dysfunctional function let me give   you an example so when a situation is actually  dangerous like for example an abusive spouse   it can be helpful to forget any sweet moments  with him or her to give you the courage to leave   so this is functional anxiety right anxiety is  supposed to help motivate us to leave dangerous   situations and in that situation mental filtering  might help us forget the positive things so that   we are firm enough in our decision to leave that  dangerous situation but when we have disordered   anxiety the world feels dangerous when it's  actually safe our anxious or our depressed view   is exaggerated and this can make us sick so when  i only notice the bad things on my performance   review suddenly my boss feels threatening and  dangerous when he's really just trying to help   me improve now my boss actually was trying  to help me improve he was a good-hearted man   one of the difficulties of working with thoughts  is trying to figure out which ones are helpful and   which ones are true and which ones aren't so some  bosses actually are quite threatening and you're   better off changing your employment if you can but  in other situations you're better off changing how   you think and how you see the world but it's just  important that we try to do this with as clear of   a head as possible so i mean get good at noticing  your thoughts and challenging your thoughts   you don't have to believe everything that  you think and then after you've noticed them   you can choose which ones are most helpful for  your life purpose and to do this we really have   to realize why mental filtering with all of its  downsides actually feels good in the short term   so let me give you a couple of examples of when  mental filtering feels good in the short term   so let's say you start to notice all the annoying  and frustrating things that your boss does   so have you ever just reveled in a conversation  with a co-worker where you're like oh my gosh   i hate him he's so terrible i mean i i have i wish  i could say that i hadn't but i have and it feels   good to to talk about all the bad things that  your boss is doing and completely disregard   all the positive things that your boss is doing  because this can justify you in you know excusing   you from working hard or trying hard mental  filtering justifies us in hating our boss and   excusing ourselves from not working hard or on the  other hand mental filtering might only select and   highlight our own mistakes and flaws convincing  ourselves that we are bad and that we are   incurably broken thus justifying ourselves and not  trying hard that can also feel good to wallow in   your own brokenness see how terrible of a person  that i am well there's nothing i can do about it   because i'm just that bad right most of the time  we think of mental filtering as only seeing the   bad because that's when it's associated with  anxiety and depression but mental filtering can   go both ways when we tend to only see the bad in  the world or in ourselves we tend to be anxious   or depressed or self-loathing but mental  filtering can go the opposite way too   so for example a narcissist may only see the  good in herself putting others down to lift   herself up mental filtering can make us depressed  or anxious but the big lie is it makes us think   that that's how reality is instead of it being our  perception and that excuses us in staying there   mental filtering creates divides it makes us see  the only the best in our political candidate and   only the worst in the other candidate the other  side becomes a terrible horrible anti-patriotic   you know group of people and our own side's flaws  are minimized or pushed aside or ignored and this   feels good to be on the right team but in the long  run it makes things worse mental filtering feels   so good but only for a short while and then it  can make you depressed and anxious in the long run   so how can we change we can all combat mental  filtering through a conscious practice is the   glass half full or half empty well actually it's  neither it's half full of water and it's half full   of air we can choose to combat mental filtering  by slowing down and trying to see both sides of   situations this is a skill of attention it's about  where you put your focus we can combat mental   filtering not only by thinking of the positive  but by being intentional instead of reactionary   or emotional so first it's important to start  noticing when you're doing it so what does it   look like when you are mental filtering and  then try to see what function it serves for you   and then take a deep breath slow down try to  put yourself in a place that feels safe or calm   and when you've calmed yourself down just a little  bit you've gotten a little bit of perspective   then you can start to counteract that mental  filter by expanding your perspective so here's   a few ways that you can do that the first and for  me the easiest way is to bring to mind gratitude   another thing that's important is to let  yourself sit with a compliment i think a   lot of people just brush compliments off very  quickly but they hold on tightly to criticism so   give yourself credit for the good that you do and  if someone compliments you say thank you and try   to take it in make a daily habit of seeing the  good that you do don't just suppress your wins   so many people with depression or anxiety they  don't notice the positive things that they do   i use a daily journal template to write down three  of my wins each day and also to write down one to   two things i'd like to improve tomorrow and these  wins don't have to be huge massive accomplishments   they can be things as simple as you know getting  out of bed and taking a shower just acknowledging   that you were able to accomplish a couple things  can help reinforce uh that dopamine in your brain   that motivation and also combat that mental filter  where you only notice you know the things you   aren't doing another thing that can help is to  look around you and see if you can find someone   who seems to see the world clearly this could be  a friend a therapist or a parent and just consider   including their perspective into how you decide  to see the world also i really encourage you to   choose media sources that don't use extremes that  don't use emotional reasoning or labeling people   or only telling one side of the story um and then  you know also just try countering these automatic   negative thoughts that pop up try countering  them with a positive thought another thing that's   helpful is to you know practice training yourself  to intentionally look to understand both sides of   a story and to see other people as multi-faceted  human beings instead of labels and all or nothing   so for example i recently read a book about a  man who cheated on his wife and it was from his   perspective and it helped me uh gain a little  bit more understanding of how someone could get   into that situation now that's not to say that  that behavior oh gosh my sprinklers just came on okay that was fun um   i'm gonna go over here by the trash cans because  that's the last place in my yard that seems safe oh man okay so i was talking about  this guy who cheated on his wife   and i'm not trying to excuse his behavior  but understanding his perspective   helped me be a little more empathetic and you know  in this instance he had been through some trauma   and he had developed a sexual addiction  as a way to cope with that trauma   um again no excuses but help me understand him as  a multifaceted human being okay where am i gonna   finish this we'll just sit in the corner by the  fence and hopefully the sprinklers don't get me   okay um okay a couple last tips right look  for ways to take a bigger perspective look at   how this one instance in your life like you know  the restaurant ruining your take out or whatever   look at how this fits into the big scheme of  things is this going to matter in a year is this   going to matter in five years and if not you know  don't sweat the small stuff another thing that's   helpful is you know taking a bigger perspective  is look at others lives around the world so when   i was a teenager i lived in Russia and i lived in  the west bank and later on i lived in Argentina   and living in these different countries helped  me gain a different perspective on my relative   prosperity and you know reading about history and  reading about the lives of other people throughout   the world can help broaden your perspective on  your own situation when you change the way you   look at things the things you look at change so  you really can change your perception of reality   you can change how you experience the world  by changing how you see the world so don't let   mental filtering control you you can choose which  thoughts you're going to listen to and which ones   you're going to disregard i hope you found this  video helpful thank you for watching and take care

Channel: Therapy in a Nutshell

Views: 139,910

Keywords: anxiety, cbt, cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy for depression, cognitive distortion, cognitive distortions, cognitive distortions examples, cognitive therapy, depression, mental filter, mental filtering, mental filtering cognitive distortion, mental filtering example, mental filtering in psychology, therapy in a nutshell, thinking errors

Id: K30zY2N_qBw

Length: 14min 20sec (860 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 15 2020