Make Up or Break Up

[Music] well we're in a series called moving on yes and this series is about the power of exits okay and one of the things that I established last week I want to reiterate that this series isn't just about moving from a certain place right because one of the things that the enemy does in Scripture we see a map that we see in Genesis in the garden with Adam and Eve we see it in Matthew 4 with Jesus as he tries to pervert and distort God's Word yes and so he did it in the Garden of Eden with Eve when he said well God didn't really mean it that way and he tried to twist Scripture right with Jesus when he was fasting forty days and forty nights so the point that I'm making is this is that I don't want the enemy to twist this word yeah you say you know what I'm leaving my job I'm leaving my spouse right I'm leaving my kids you know no yeah no it isn't about necessarily leaving places that's not what I'm talking about if that's what we're someone else is taking it that's them that's not what I'm saying yes I'm talking about leaving postures and perspectives yeah postures heart postures who are you in your heart mm-hmm and perspectives where are you in your head yeah because if we change a place right we don't change our perspective all that will be is a repeat of a past season yep absolutely absolutely so when a series called moving on and today we're gonna talk a little bit about moving off from certain relationships and we want to be clear we aren't talking about marriage we're not so we're not talking about match that's not what we're talking about leave them on there's no what we're talking about we this is what we know we know statistically people are taking longer to get married yes we know statistically divorce is really high and we know statistically we're intergenerational church multi-generational Church so we've got a high demographic right unmarried yeah and so we wouldn't be relevant as a charge and has passed us if we didn't speak to that demographic right now some of you don't don't know I'm clean now yes I'm like oh this is video and I can't believe this is video listen here we believe is not about the man it's about the mess right we believe if you open your heart God will speak to you he went through whatever medium he chooses you know and that's the man that's really important it's not about the personality it's about to preach it right and we want you to open your heart just receive what God has to say we don't want to allow clothes hardness and closed mindedness yeah okay to cause people to miss a moment where God wants to speak to him right but the point that I'm making is you may not be single someone else might be yes a friend co-worker spouse grown child yes so even if even if you're married this is something that I believe doctor use me help you help someone else all right so let's get right to it proverbs 26 11 says as a dog returns to its vomit so fools repeat their folly Wow as a dog returns to its vomit that's a powerful picture right of what happens when fools spiritually unintelligent Wow so when the Bible uses the word fool is talking about the spiritually unintelligent spiritually unintelligent people repeating the same mistake okay is the equivalent equivalent of a dog we're different so we're gonna talk from this subject here something to think about make up or break up all right make up or break up you know as we prepare to swim in there's some on extreme today I want to begin with a statement that I believe is pivotal to what I want to preach the course and the quality of our life is not just determined by who we are thank or where we are it is also impacted by who we are with yes I'm gonna say that again for my note-taking the course and the quality of our life is not just determined by who we are or where we are right it is also impacted by who we are with the Bible says in proverbs 13:20 walk with the wise and become wise but a companion of fools suffers harm again I've you've heard me say this hundreds of times some of you have at least that I don't that text teaches I don't have to be a fool to be harm right I just gotta be relate that's right because I become like who I walk with yeah some people have even said couples that have been together a long time to even start looking like each other that's true yeah we become like hey walk with ya first Corinthians 15:33 says don't be deceived bad company corrupts good character now why would the writers say don't be deceived Wright says don't be deceived because it's possible to be unaware of the impact that the company is having on us right is that true oh yeah that's true come on somebody is that true yes he says it corrupts good character yes and so our relationships are consequential for the most part our greatest joy and our greatest peace is gonna come from the same place relationships nothing gives people joy like the birth of a loved one yeah and nothing gives people grief it's like the burial of one mm-hmm relationships matter nothing impacts our peace and our purpose like people therefore it is essential it's imperative it's absolutely necessary to live in a way watch this where we are embracing the right people that are in our life and then secondly escorting the wrong people out of our life right now some people that sounds trite it sounds harsh yeah but it's real the Bible say it even when Adam and Eve what behavior in a way that was inconsistent with God's intention from them right they got in the way with his plan and purpose for the earth God didn't put them out the world but he put them out the garden and some people may not need to be put out of our world but they need to be put out of our God Adam and Eve didn't walked out God had to escort them out and some people that aren't good for us not gonna walk out of our lands but we have to make the intentional effort to put distance between me and them between us and them because some people don't have to be out of your world but they need to be out of your guard and I feel like that's preaching right there yeah and since you won't have fire me will you have some people don't have to be out of your world but in this season they got to be out of your garden yeah now this relationship principle applies to every layer and level of relationships right right the Apostle Paul talks about not being unequally yoked and things of that nature it applies to every level of relationships yes but we want to take this principle and apply it in our time together to the dating relationship okay that's that's what we're gonna do when I take the principle the principle is a relationship principle in general right we're gonna take it and apply it to the dating mmm-hmm relationship because if it applies on every other level it applies on the dating level also oh yeah so here it is family it is not it is it is I'm gonna frame it this way it is highly unlikely that the first person you date will be the last person you'd a it is highly unlikely not impossible for some people the first person they dated was the person that they married yes but for many the first person you date is not going to be the last person you're day dating is about gathering data yeah and using the data to determine whether or not this is an emotionally and relationally and spiritually safe person to be with right and we've taught on this before you can engage in investigation right without engaging in interrogation that you can get the data from someone without the person feeling like oh so you can't have your list of questions an extra list all at one time that's the interrogation do you do you you have a list you know women have a list a mental list but they have a list not oh oh okay I got you Nazi yeah a man we don't we don't have a list yeah so what was that talking about so you're getting into yeah David dating so dating dating is about data so that you can make an informed decision right right I got a book coming out next year our second book yes so I've written some little booklets and devotionals but my second published book is coming out next year it is in us on this this whole concept of relational intelligence because this is what I've learned if we need to be mm-hmm intelligent about anything yes we need to be intelligent about the person's life that we allow to have access to our life and this is where I've seen all of us have done it some of the most intelligent people otherwise right make some of the most unintelligent decisions yes because there's an emotional vulnerability that impairs our judgment if many of us are honest we can say that we have made some of our most unwise decisions in the areas of relationship that's right yeah and so because the first person you date is not always the last person you date there going to be times when people break up right and I've been in church my entire life and I have if ever rarely heard churches give attention to how as a believer do I manage a breakup right it's gonna happen yeah a lot of churches try to control the people date any way they do so so so so I feel like the Scriptures give us some principle right on how to think through intelligently not just emotionally okay obviously when a person feels like they have a word from God and God is stirring their heart then they have to follow that but when you don't have a word yeah you use wisdom that's our philosophy yeah well you don't feel like God has put a word and even when God's put a word on the heart that works right test it what counsel in the moment you to counsel their safety to make sure you're hearing right number two to make sure you're interpreting right number three to make sure you're applying right yeah because if you get any of those three three things wrong things are gonna go wrong exact I'm gonna say that again let me get any of those three things wrong things are gonna go wrong you got to hear right you got to interpret right and then you have to apply right you hear right interpret right but imply wrong apply wrong it's gonna go wrong if you hear you you get the point that I'm trying to make if I want to shoot the rabbit here right but there's some principles that we feel like that are scriptural that can aid and assist us in making decisions about when it's time to move on from a relationship with a person that I'm dating courting et cetera right and it's not our job to tell anyone who to be with and who to break up with that's the Scriptures our job is to provide spiritual counsel not control right right covering is not control it's counsel yet at the same time we want to expose you do some biblical principles that we believe that will help people sort through the decisions regarding whether or not I should make a breakup first late I'm so excited I've been doing all this talking I just left you oh that's okay baby I'm your tag along no co-pilot you know I just kind of jump in and eat it all right okay I'm gonna check this up I want to share with you some some principles oh come on and I want to share some principles that relate to when it's time to break up okay I mean this is I want to deal with when you shouldn't go back I can't tell you when to stay right but here are four things to take into consideration okay and dr. Henry cloud captures these you can tell he's one of my favorite sauces yeah he captures things in his book never go back right he captures these in his book never go back I want to take four of them and I want to apply them to our time together today so so so I want you to I want you to catch this all right number one mm-hmm never go back if the reason you left is still there right never go back if the reason you left is still there right what do you think about that so I think this is good I think a lot of times people go back for comfort you know it's hard to step out and start something new so instead of just starting over they'll just go back but if you say if it's still there that means the problem whatever is going on is still there I don't need to go back that means whatever happens I cannot go back to it yeah well you know it's proper what I foundational passage 26/11 right says it's like the dog returning - yeah and very often when something is severed it's because something has contributed contributed to the Simran right meaning if a relationship is severed something has simmered it and if the thing that severed it the first time right it's still there mm-hmm then eventually and inevitably is going to separate right the next element and it's been saying that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results results that's right and I think many people struggle with that they shouldn't be judged this isn't the beat me up place is the pick-me-up place right but why do you think babe that there are times where we were turning back to something and the reason we left is still there I mean I think sometimes we feel like people can change the situation can change we can change in the situation and so people may go back just to give it one more chance to see if any things gonna be different but you know faith without works is dead type things so if the person hadn't done what they're supposed to do to get the work done then most likely methods change in that situation yeah Jesus is the only one who had an assignment that assassinated him that's good Jesus is the only one that had an assignment that assassinated him and so he took that so that we didn't have to write Jesus died for the church we don't have to right and so I feel like there are times where people go back because they confuse an emotional attachment with an assignment that's good that's so good well right and so they confuse that with God that's what I mean they I'm emotionally attached right they're emotionally attached and I think well maybe this is God and maybe I'm supposed to suffer because of this and of course when you're in a relationship you're gonna have to deal with some inconveniences you're gonna have to bear some burdens yeah you're gonna have to put up with some things yeah and we feel like part of that is ordained by God it is because nothing especially in marriage nothing sanctifies you develops you and grows you like marriage right nothing Yeah right having to live with someone and humble yourself right forgive and forgive quickly and forgive consistently and and to show grace facial patience so yes there going to be some imperfections mm-hmm those imperfections should not lead to an assassination it shouldn't kill you and obviously I'm not talking about just physically when I say kill you it shouldn't kill you emotionally it shouldn't kill your joy writing your peace and your Jesus's assignment was assassination but there are times where people confused right an emotional attachment what a spiritual asylum right and I think you told us in series a couple years ago before you do after you did you never date your assignment so I think people get real confused and then they start dating their assignment if all in love and you keep going back because now the love factor has happened as well yeah yeah yeah it is sometimes people people views their assignment with their mate right because we believe that if God arranges for two people to be together there's an assignment that they have in each other's life there's a unique contribution that hopefully I'm making to your life and their unique contributions you're making in my life but when we deal with this whole idea of dating and assignment we're talking about something completely different yes this is someone that God has called you to build up yeah not someone God's called you to be with I'm gonna say that again yeah it's someone God's called you to build up yeah and not someone God's called you to be with and sometimes when you're building someone else up right they their admiration that they have for you makes them want to be with you yeah and I think that's specifically what we're talking about there but if the reason you left it's still there yeah some dysfunctions and some it's do whatever it is mm-hmm never go back you're amazing you left is still there that's right now obviously if someone says well what if God sends me back that's you and God it's right we're talking wisdom here yeah that's what we're talking we're talking about principles right okay number two never go back to someone who requires you to be someone you're not okay so we got to unpack that song never go back right to someone who you who requires you to be someone that you're not right now relationships require growth yes so don't mean they're right so when we talk about a person's identity yes our identity should not be confused with immaturity mm-hmm right right so sometimes some people say well you know I just go off on people that's just the way I am let's never attach any dysfunction right identity right that's a part of us that God wants to work on in growth but let's not attacks dysfunction to our personality who God is cosmically created us to be you feel me like that's an area we need to grow in yes and so yes in relationships relationships require growth they demand growth they are an incubator for growth doc uses them to grow us yeah at the same time yes at your core you are someone right yeah like at your core your outgo right I'm outgoing so I feel like when you got with me you made me better but you didn't change who I was so I'm still Shamika still have that outgoing personality but you just mix level meat in some areas right and you may believe a better version of myself right right so for example your extroverted yes I'm introverted right but I did not have to become extroverted to be with you exactly but I did have to grow yes see the difference so I did have to grow right and for you to be with me you didn't have to be you didn't have to go from an extrovert or introvert but you did have to grow yeah in understanding what it is like to be with someone who needs space same time the time mm-hmm and so that's what we're talking about and very often people people at your core and you're like puzzles right and wherever you got grooves and cuts the person God has for you is gonna fit yeah that's good people are like puzzles and whatever God has grooves and cuts mm-hmm the person he has for you is going to fit God is not going to create you to be someone and then call you to be with someone right that requires you to be someone other I know he's called you too baby that's good yeah now I don't even have time to unpack all of that because a lot of what we're saying requires Clary he does this is why we're really serious about the members of our change family be serious about spiritual growth right you need spiritual growth we need more than Sunday we need group nights you need the booklet I put together stronger closer better yeah since you got a healthy devotional life it's like coming to church is like working out once a week in the gym and then looking in the mirror and expecting the results yeah you gotta eat all week long that increases your spiritual sensitivity that gives you clarity on your purpose and your purpose is the place God wants to take you but if you don't know where you're going you don't know who should or shouldn't be in the car with you that felt good and right because God's not gonna send someone that you got to sacrifice your purpose on only altar of their opinion to be with right yeah that makes sense so so yeah being who I am is it just about my identity mm-hmm it's about my assignment right and so that's why I think you have to take this time to have clarity to know who you are what you're assigned to do so when you link up with someone then you can start getting the right type of data and you know if that person is a fit in that puzzle with it and you know what it takes the spiritual strength of a healthy relationship with God to actually walk away right cuz some people yeah it takes spiritual strength yeah to walk away yeah some people can't stay away because they walked away on their own strength right Paul told the believers in Ephesus be strong in the Lord yeah and then the power of his night might we need to strengthen beyond Art Museum to walk away from what our soul loves but our spirit hates yeah because every exit is not gonna be easy and I think you talked about that in week one you got to say that again every exit is not gonna be easy yeah because you told her it's there's two types of exits right it's like a executing exit and then I forgot what the that's exes you have to exit right no some things don't end until you and those are a little difficult yes those are different yep and then others you just have to embrace you just have to accept it right you can't you can't change it you have to accept it yeah exit all exes aren't easy no we need spiritual strength to walk away yeah but remember God is not going to call us to be with someone who requires us to be someone we're not that's good we have to accept that that's good number three you got two more number three never go back to someone you have to change to be with now watch this this the last point right was about them changing us right this point is about us changing yeah right and sometimes people want to persist so bad yes that they assume they have the assignment to go in and to change them at their core right and this is what I've learned family yes you can put spots on a cat it does not make it a level guys it mm-hmm yeah I can't change people it occurs at their core mm-hmm at their core you can you see one of the things that we did in the series before you do and after you did we need to redo yeah we talked we looked at Abraham's story right and how Abraham sent his servant to picked a spouse for his son Isaac mm-hmm but he gave the servant specific instruction in terms of what to look for it wasn't a list mm-hmm but there were some non-negotiables yeah he didn't just send the servant and say pray God will show it to you mm-hmm he gave him boundaries yeah and framework that's good and from that we did we did a series we did a message on the power of compatibility right and some people think compatibility is a myth I think you're wrong you know that's just my opinion you know you know I'm not judging it but I'm just saying I think I think you're wrong because if that was a myth Abraham would not have given his servant criteria yeah for his son right he's saying listen these are some of the things you need to think about and think through we are people of faith and if we link up with Philistines over here this gun is gonna be problematic in this area in that area so there is and one of the things that we we've seen that there is compatibility when one person's cord means right lines up with another person's core values yes my pastor teaches me right that you cannot manufacture passion yeah mm-hmm you can't you can't conjure up passion you can't fake that you're getting passionate about something or you are right and one of the things that we we teach is that there's compatibility when my core values the things that I value why not with a person's core needs that's good and I think that we have to make sure that we're emotionally healthy and spiritually healthy because sometimes we can have needs but if our knees aren't healthy they'll end up lining up with someone who's dysfunctional because we have dysfunctional needs so we want to make sure that we are operating healthy so that when we're lining up and when we're having this list of things that it actually lines up for what we need for our life and not what we want in that season of our life yeah and how does it help thing impact a person's thought process in terms of their willingness to believe how can I can I can change people it's really interesting I think how we all not saying that people can't grow we see that in the Bible yeah where Gideon is afraid and he becomes a mighty warrior where Peter is unstable but he becomes a rock but what I want you to see is even all throughout scripture you still see after Pentecost right after Peters infilling experience with the Holy Spirit you see you still see the semblance of that impulsiveness yeah we're in Galatians Paul the Apostle Paul said I had to confront Peter because he was behaving one way in the presence of Gentiles when Jews weren't around then when Jews came around he started acting funny so you still see the semblance of that impulsiveness so we can grow in a way where we that we are a completely different version of ourselves but at our core yes we are who we are right that's good and I feel like so when I'm asking is do you feel like people's emotional health because that's a passion of yours and that's your calling it do you feel like people's emotional health causes us to think yes we can change people yeah I feel like emotional health affects our decision-making so for instance we could be in a relationship that we respira it's extremely action we walked away from and we we look at another relationship and that relationship all we see is it doesn't the person is not rejecting that's the same and it causes us to look past everything else so it's like our emotional health put some blinders on at times and we don't end up seeing some of the things that we should see yeah that's powerful that's powerful okay number four last but not least never go back to someone who takes you back yes right spiritually emotionally relationally that's right if the relationship puts us in a bad place spiritually mm-hmm a toxic place emotionally right and an unhealthy place relationally yeah that is something we should go back to you should because God will not connect us to people that take us back Moses went back to Egypt to bring Israel out right now went back to it not Moses did not go back to Egypt to stay in Egypt with it you know you just want to get others and come Toto yeah yeah and I think it's incredibly important to keep that in mind and for us to take that into consideration right that's good I think it's good that uh-huh and it just as you kind of mentioned the points anybody who's gonna take me back relationally that could be just helped making me make wrong decisions or emotionally causing me to have more emotional issues and health problems than I had before then automatically those should be signs of someone that I shouldn't be with yes but again we have to be at an emotional healthy place enough to know that this person is taking us backwards and this is what's scary right people don't have to take us backwards in all areas they can just end up taking us backwards in the wrong wrong areas and that becomes problematic I see because someone may say well oh in this area you know it's this and it's that and and I like them and I like this but in the areas that matter spiritual right emotionally and relationally if they're taking you backwards like some people do you realize that some people's relationships circle changes because of a person they go in relationship with yeah so you might have a healthy relation relational circle of friends and then you can link up with the wrong person and now you're in an environment where not only are you with them you're around other people that are healthy influences for you right relationally yeah and God is not linking us up with some God who's trying to take us forward it's not gonna link us up with someone Sean Taylor's and that's where the whole unequal will because I think a lot of people get confused about that that's where that plays in so that's just like if you're dating and one person says okay well yeah I'm saved but I'm kind of not into church and the other person is all in if you link up with that person you could you could potentially have some issues yeah because that's just if they're not passionate about God the way you are then it could cause some problems yeah or open okay right because that's important yeah because um it's very rare where two people are gonna be in the same place spiritually right so I think that's important yeah right because being equally yoked doesn't mean if there are steps to spiritual majority we're both on step 7 right it does mean we both have a commitment to go in the same direction right so even if you aren't where I am right there is or people aren't where someone else is there is an openness and a willingness we are in agreement right that this is where we're gonna see each yes that to can't walk together right unless they agree so we're yoked together and we're both supposed to be headed in the same direction if we're not in agreement on where we're going we can't walk together so just because they're Christian doesn't mean you're equally oh yeah just because they have a title right doesn't mean they're your equal yo just because they have a gift doesn't mean they're spiritually mature and some people have bad experiences with that and they use that as an excuse to jump outside of God's bounds when it comes to relationships I did church boy as a church women it's the same things and it's just like no we can't throw away God's plan because we would you know we something happened with us with the wrong person you know right and there are times where we can all be deceived you know yeah there there are times where the real person doesn't show up on the first day no it doesn't and it takes time it's not just time and seasons right see we can be with someone a long time but if you hadn't lived with them through different seasons then sometimes the other self only shows up in certain seasons stress pressure yeah how are they gonna get angry right it would come Incredible Hulk you know right and so those things are important you can get on a flipside we also there are times when when we didn't have to be deceived right if we were more perceptive yes you know and so I feel like it's so important to take that into consideration and again our job is not to control who day to and who breaks up with who but to provide wise spiritual counsel that's right so that we're making these decisions with the wisdom and not on a whim yeah so that we're making them with spiritual intelligence and not just emotionally your soul is too consequential to make relational decisions just by rolling the dice see God has something that he wants to do in and through your life yeah and the enemy wants to sabotage that and one of the ways he attempts to do it is by sending the wrong people and we must have a revelation of what God wants to do we've got to have spiritual antennas that are sensitive and discerning so that when the wrong person comes we can say return to sender in Jesus not here and so we believe that in this series God's gonna give us the wisdom mm-hmm to know when to move on right from relationships that might feel good for a moment oh yes but better bad for your destiny in Jesus name the case I want to pray this over you I don't think we pray about this I know I'm gonna pray up for you on a prayer for your children I want to pray it for your best friend I want to pray it for your sister I want to pray it for any and everybody Lord the devil messing with my mic no that wasn't me I want to pray it over any and everybody right now who know somebody that's got to make an important decision in this area yeah that God will give you the wisdom and the will power because you need both to make the right decision so father I just pray right now in the name of Jesus for the people that are watching this go in the middle of a decision that they have to make and I pray that just like you gave wisdom of Solomon you give it to them I pray the wisdom of God first Kings three that it be released to them that they were no father whether or not this is something you are calling them to reconcile and to reconnect I pray I pray for will power spiritual strength in Jesus name to walk out of and away from what you're calling them the walk out of and away from and to stick in what you're calling them to stay in Lord make it known to them what they are to do and give them the courage to do just that we pray blessing on them now in Jesus name Amen god bless family we'll be back next week see you well what's up everybody hey don't turn me off I know how it is I just want to thank you for watching this message from our series called moving on there are some entrances that are determined by how well you make some exits I hope this bless you if it did I want to encourage you to do two things one I want you to share it with someone text it to them email it to them we're blessed to be a blessing and two if you're not already subscribed to this channel subscribe so that you can be in the know about all the content that we're releasing right here on this incredible vehicle called YouTube and if you are in the Orlando Florida area I want to encourage you to join us we recently planted a campus there change Orlando I'm live it used to be Sunday nights now it is Saturday Night Live Saturday at 5:30 p.m. listen late enough for you to have your whole day early enough for you to have the rest of your night I want you to join us there and if you're anywhere in Pennsylvania New York New Jersey join us at our change Church locations on Sunday morning it's incredible God's doing some incredible things I'll see you next time take care

Channel: Dharius Daniels TV

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Id: kqw7K16PzNo

Length: 38min 32sec (2312 seconds)

Published: Tue May 07 2019