6 Traits of Toxic People // Red Flags // Dr. Dharius Daniels

what's up family Pastor Darius here and you are about to watch a message man is so important uh it's the first message in a series I did called red flags and I'm spending this series of sermons helping people unpack and upgrade actually their biblical discernment and um this this message man is the first of two parts in this message is called six traits of toxic people there are some things that are toxic that we're calling imperfect and uh I want to show you the difference in this message enjoy May the blesses you send it to somebody we're starting a series today called red flags and uh I I want to I want to read I want to read a verse of a few verses of scripture found in the good the The Book of John chapter number 13 beginning at verse number 21 I'm reading from The New International Version y'all flow with me here it says after this he had said after he said this excuse me Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified very truly I tell you one of you listen to this is going to betray me his disciples stared at one another at a loss to know which one of them he metant and one of them the disciple whom Jesus loved was reclining next to him Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said ask him which one he means leaning back against Jesus he ask him Lord who is it Jesus answered it's the one to whom I'll give this piece of bread when I've dipped it in the dish then dipping the bread he gave it to Judas the son of Simon Iscariot and as soon as Judas took the bread Satan entered him so Jesus told him what you are about to do do quickly family it's going to take me several weeks to finish this series of sermons called red flags which is a series on biblical discernment but it's going to take me two weeks just to finish this first sermon so don't get nervous when you only get half the points today all right I'm talking from this subject family six traits I'm G see if I can get an amen here of toxic people I need you to clap your hands better than that at every location six traits of toxic people family I want to ease into this introduction with an axiom that I was exposed to several years to go ago and it resonates with me to this day for my Note takers here it is you are born looking like your parents but you die looking like your decisions we are born looking like our parents but we die looking like our decisions I'm simply suggesting family that the course and the quality of our life is largely impacted by the decisions that we make one of the greatest gifts that God has given the human species is the gift of choice the Bible clearly claims in the Book of Genesis when he creates Adam and Eve in that creation he gives them the freedom and the flexibility to exercise something called Free Will yes sir where's that pass it's right in the scripture where he tells them out of all the trees in the garden you may freely eat out of all of them except one of them but he do not infringe upon their right to choose because the course and the quality of our life is deter determined by the decisions that we make they are the way in which we cocreate the life that God intended for us to live God wants us to choose right leads us into choosing right but won't Force us to choose right Pastor how do you know this I read I EAS dropped on a conversation that Moses was having with Israel in the book of Deuteronomy and he says in Deuteronomy chapter number 30 verse number 19 this day I call the heavens and the Earth as Witnesses against you I have set before for you life and death come on Church blessing and cursing now what does he tell them now choose life why so that you and your children will live because your decisions have implications Beyond one generation are you hearing what I'm saying and all of our decisions are important but all decisions are not equally important you made a decision today regarding what you were going to wear to church but am I making sense here that's important but it's not as important as a decision such as who you choose to say I do to all decisions are important but all decisions are not equally important and decisions in every season are important but decisions in every season are not equally important sometimes you hit a season that will shift some Seasons y'all missed it I said sometimes we hit a season that will shift some seasons and I want to know am I talking to anybody that senses you're in a season shifting season right now I just sense it Pastor I'm not playing any games I'm more focused than I've ever been my tolerance for dysfunction is lower than it's ever been my willingness to waste time has decreased R drastically I just sense I'm in a season where God's playing no games with me and I'm playing no games with him I'm in a season that's about to shift some things for me it's about to shift some things for my family it's about to shift some things for some generations so in those kind of Seasons those seasons have to be stewarded with choices because one of the greatest gifts God's given us is the gift of choice and this is why when it comes to something as important and imperative as decisionmaking we cannot be Elementary in our understanding of it if there's anything we need to get right we need to get this right it doesn't mean we'll do it perfectly but we need to do it progressively better why because the course and quality of my life is greatly determined by the course and quality of my decisions this is why I need something something that most people underestimate when it comes to making good decisions I need come here Church discernment did you hear what I just said I said I need discernment Pastor what do you mean when you say I need discernment listen to me family I want to be clear so let me give you this definition here biblical discernment is the god-given ability to assess the true nature listen to this of an individual or an opportunity stop did you read what I just read okay what notice it is the god-given ability so watch this so B when I say discernment now I'm not talking about common sense I'm not talking about Street smarts watch this I am not talking about cynicism and skepticism that many people call discernment see when I did you hear what I just said see cynicism and skepticism that comes from your scars it doesn't come from the spirit it gives you it causes us to have a predisposition toward [Music] suspicion waiting on somebody to do something wrong are you here yeah so no no so so this is why I said biblical discernment is god-given ability to so this means what I'm using to assess something is god-given give me my definition back it it is the god-given ability to assess listen to this the true nature the true nature of an individual Pastor that judgment no that's assessment let me go over here let me I'm about to run to New Jersey I need somebody's going to Pastor the true nature this is not a judgment which is rendering a verdict on the moral status of an individual you don't have enough information to render a [Applause] verdict that's but there's difference between judgment and assessment Jesus said Beware of false prophets because they come to you in sheep's clothing am I in the book but inwardly they are ravenous wolves that people don't always actually aren't always accurately representing themselves by the way they present themselves outwardly sheep inwardly ravenous wolves and then watch what the book says by their [Applause] fruit is that the book by their fruit you will know them fruit so I'm not judging a [Applause] tree but I need to know you shall know I need to know what kind of tree this is you see if you have a allergy to apple trees you not judging apple trees you're not even saying apple trees are bad you're saying it's for me and I need to know what it look like so that when I see it I can stay away from it let me [Applause] go and many people are operating in naivity and they are calling it spirituality so they're not assessing what they need to assess because they're afraid that they're assessment is Judgment silly rabbit tricks are for kids no we got to grow up in wisdom and use discernment watch this give me my definition back please it is the god-given ability to assess the true nature of an individual it's going to take me about two to three weeks to do this but then after two to three weeks we got to also know how to assess and opportunity did you did you watch this now I don't know I I want to I don't want this to come out the wrong way but see every good door is not a god door come here some doors are trap doors they're distractions they are opportunities intended to lure you away from the thing God wants you to throw your whole self into in this season so watch this especially oh my let me just let me just prophetically Proclaim this over somebody especially for some of you cuz you getting ready to step into a season of unprecedented options somebody say I receive it and the more options you have the more discernment you need you don't need discernment if you don't have options but I pray God gives you whiplash spiritually in this next season that everywhere you look doors swinging open opportunities coming your [Applause] [Music] [Applause] way the more options you have the more discernment you need and the more ability you have the more discernment you [Applause] need cuz it's easy to know what I'm supposed to do if I can only do one thing but some of you Lord I feel I feel a little Bishop on me today somebody say preach Bishop B some of you have the anointing of many what can you do many things what can you fix many things where can you go many places what room are you comfortable in many room and when you have the ability for [Music] many you need discernment cuz now is not what can I do with my gift it's what should I be doing with me out of all the things I could be [Applause] doing I I I need I need discernment to assess the true nature of an individual or an opportunity watch this and the wisdom to govern myself accordingly somebody just say that so your future self can hear govern yourself accordingly when God shows it to you govern yourself accordingly When You See It govern govern yourself accordingly don't try to explain it away rationalize it just govern yourself [Applause] [Music] accordingly I I need discernment for decisions because everything and everyone is not always what it seems PD where'd you get that the Bible [Applause] I was reading I was reading this this this this narrative captured by John here in in John chapter number 13 and it exposes us to an exchange that I think is a perfect personification of this principle of discernment Jesus is sitting at a table having a last supper with his mentees his appren his apprentices and his disciples and the text says something that I want them to put on the screen because y'all aren't going to believe me if you don't see this in John chapter 13 verse 21 it says this and Jesus was troubled in spirit that's it okay did it say he was troubled in mind it says he was troubled where wait a [Music] minute he was troubled in spirit this is interesting now and he says something he says very truly I tell you one of you is going to betray me now do you see that yes his disciples stared at one another at a loss of words they cuz they didn't know which one of the him which one of them he meant y'all missed this already he was troubled in spirit and and then he said one of you is going to betray me and the disciples are wondering which one is he talking about okay he was troubled in spirit he wasn't in trouble by what he saw visually he was troubled by what he sensed spiritually because his Spirit had access to data that the Mind hadn't had access to yet so the mind is probably wondering what's going on but the spirit has access to some information that the Mind hadn't got exposed to yet and Jesus said somebody's going to betray me and the disciples are like who is it who is it who is it meaning it wasn't obvious wow did you hear what I just said if they're wondering who is it it means that there was nothing about judas's behavior in previous Seasons that gave them an indication that he might be the one are y'all here I said are y'all here cuz if cuz if cuz if listen right here if if some of y'all y'all got a friend group and you got a group chat and when y'all link up and you give a time you already know who's going to be [Applause] late are y'all scared to clap cuz you're sitting next to your friend you you you everybody know you can walk in you say uh such and such they not here are they no because there's something about their behavior in the past that makes it makes it easy to predict their behavior in the present that wasn't the case with Judas the disciples didn't I mean you would think they would know so if he's just making a decision if Jesus is just making decisions considering what he sees naturally he's exposing himself this is so powerful this is so powerful y'all okay are y'all ready for this this a master class Jesus has given us a master class cuz the way he handles people like this is not the way we handle okay uhuhuh it's in the text Jesus they say they say who is it now here's what here's what many Christians would do we say somebody's gonna betray me who is it I'm not gonna say they know who it is they know who it is I'm just going to let the Lord put the scripture on the screen put verse 26 they say who is it Jesus said uh the one I'mma to give this piece of bread to I want you to know I know come on here and the Bible says he gave it to Judas the son of Simon es scariot now I I told y'all I grew up in Sunday school and vacation bible school so I knew the term Judas es scariot I knew that but I thought thought that was his last name cuz I even used to think Christ was Jesus last name oh I see that laugh that's you laughing at you too cuz you like me too PD I did I did too but I was sitting in a Christian ethics class at Princeton Theological Seminary over 20 years ago and the professor professor brought something to our attention that revolutionized my perspective on this you see this this word this term here uh uh as scaria is important because it refer it refers to potentially um a a sect of Jewish zealots who had Hil from a city in southern Palestine come on here that that that were known this set was known for their violent opposition to Roman rule and they Ed come on here that they use these uh uh um um daggers as a matter of fact sarius here means dagger man or assassin so when people look at Judas Iscariot and they see him as a part of Jesus's tribe they're probably thinking I know what don't you mess with me that's it yeah they're thinking that's his security they're thinking Jesus is smart to have a Judas because outwardly he looks like a protector but inwardly he is a betrayer because Judas doesn't look like Judas and the reason Judas keeps burning so many of us is we think Judas doesn't look like Judas you think the protector can't be a [Applause] betrayer they can be a protector in one season y'all aren't talking to me they can be a protector in one season and a betrayer in another season they can be loyal in one season and disloyal in another season because times change and people change and many Christians make the uninformed assumption that all people people change for the better I don't have time if I had time I will proof text it and I would go to the Old Testament and I would and I will walk you through the life of a Biblical character not named Judas but in the old Covenant joab and I would show you how loyal he was to David and how faithful he was to David that when David had Uriah killed who was bba's husband joab was the one that he sent the letter to and said make this happen he trusted joab that much and when David gets a little older and he's going to have a successor joab now starts thinking about not his allegiance to David but his opportunities for the future see the question isn't just what they are this why you need discernment discernment shows you why they're that way they loyal but why [Applause] though they always there for me but why though when everybody else left they stay but why [Applause] though y'all not talking to me online you not talking to me in the [Applause] lobby why David was so hurt he was so bruised he was so traumatized he said in Psalms 55 he says if it if it was my enemy I could have understood it God Almighty he said if it was my enemy I could have took it he said but it was you you were like my brother we went to church together I need discernment but watch The Master Class watch Jesus the Bible says and this is something I I went to Sunday school vacation bible school but I missed this part so I want them to put it on the screens cuz I know y'all are not gonna believe me the text says this I want you to see this now uh um in in in in verse number 27 it says after Judas had taken the bread Satan entered him now see this first part of the statement makes Jesus statement make sense to me now now I see why Jesus said whatever you going to do do it quickly why cuz I'm not going to try to use logic with someone that's under under the influence of Satan and other words he said I realize that if I'm not prove if if if three years hadn't been enough for me to prove to you that I am worth being loyal to there's nothing I can say there's nothing I can do to convince you otherwise Satan has you acting illogically and you are about to bite the hand that feeds [Applause] you I'm trying not to run on this I said I'm trying not to run on this but I love what Jesus says here he says whatever you're going to do do it quickly so the text shows us two things number one Jesus is not surprised that's not my shout what make me want to shout is that Jesus was also not scared he says I know you're going to do it and I'm not going to try to talk you out of it because I don't even want you to think you have that much power to determine what happens in my future if you put me in the grave early Sunday morning God will get me up out of it you don't have that much power for me to beg you to stop lying you don't have that much power for me to beg you to be loyal to me if you betray me God will give me a resurrection I feel like preaching in [Applause] here I'm done tiio he says I'm not surprised and I'm not [Applause] scared go ahead and do it do it then don't just do it do it quick go ahead and get it out the way cuz the sooner you put me in the [Applause] [Music] [Applause] grave the sooner you put me in the grave the sooner he can raise me up [Applause] I'm done toio here it is Jesus listen to Pastor Jesus was braced see sometimes it's not the Betrayal that get you it's the [Applause] surprise you weren't braced see when I was growing up we used to play dumb games we didn't have iPhones yeah yeah when you got bored there was no pick up a iPad there was no watch Netflix I grew up in the country when you got bored your mom said two things go go outside we play these games we call it stealing on [Applause] somebody just boom just punching people right no reason po just punch so it hurt the most when you didn't know it was coming it hurt the most when you were not braced for the blow Jesus was braced cuz if you're not brace for the blow the blow that Jesus that Judas gives you will cause bitterness to get in you and that limits how God will use you when you're on a cross between two thieves one of whom needs you if Jesus was bitter from What Judas did on the cross he wouldn't have been open to help the thief I mean what Jud What Judas did in the garden he wouldn't be open to help the thief when he was on the cross discernment I don't even have time to unpack all this you walk up to you could have just even when Judas betrayed Jesus he kissed him don't be K Point don't kiss me you all he had to do was say this one right here come up here and kiss me I'm sorry you're not sorry if you were sorry you wouldn't do [Applause] [Music] it when need discernment are you watch are you hear me now here's what I want I want you to see here I need discernment because without this I won't know when a Judas is at my table watch this all the other disciples represent imperfection Judas represents toxicity and some of us are getting burned because you're calling toxic imperfect and the reason Ty we got to go and the reason you're calling toxic imperfect is because you've been surrounded by toxic so long your tolerance for toxic is high so because your toxic tolerance is high it doesn't affect you the way it affects other people Peter was not perfect but I promise you there is a difference between denying your affiliation with Jesus than selling him off to death that would you agree there's a difference all Peter said was I KN him that's different than betraying his life for 30 pieces of silver you need discernment cuz if not you will throw away a Peter and keep a Judas I got to go y'all [Applause] don't you need discernment to see is that a bad day is that a bad season or is that a bad heart cuz two people can do the same thing to you and one relationship be worth salvaging and another not be worth [Applause] salvaging because one had a bad heart the other had a bad day one was imperfect the other one was toxic inherently destructive see imperfection is the universal state of The Human Condition and it ENC compasses faults that are not necessarily destructive and inherently harmful so you betrayed me it hurt my feelings you didn't set me back in life though see that yeah yeah okay but but toxic is different because toxic Behavior implies a level of destructiveness that goes beyond simple imperfection toxic traits are a pattern of behavior that undermines the physical emotional spiritual and relational health of those that are impacted by it it mean when when it's toxic it means this is undermining it is adversely impacting my my physical or my emotional and my spiritual and relational Health now watch this I'm not even I don't have time to deal with this but there's some stuff you start caring I promise you you start caring emotionally it affects you physically and some of you some of us don't don't know the difference so we're not governing ourselves accordingly Peter is somebody Jesus went back and got go tell the disciples and Peter Judas is somebody he let walk away cuz sometimes walking like Jesus means knowing who to let walk away Pastor why are you talking about this I'm talking about this because I have this prophetic urgency like I think the profundity of the Proclamation of God's word is not just in what's taught but it's when it's taught that's why prayer is important for preaching because the holy spirit will not only lead you what to teach from the Bible but when to teach it to take a Timeless truth from the Bible and teach it in a timely manner when people are in a season where they got to get that part right and here's what I hear for some of you you're in a season that requires unique unique attention to be given to your purpose and the issue with the relationships around you is whether or not they are sucking out of you the things that need to remain in you to do what he's calling you to do in this season your relational life cannot be filled with drama and you fulfill your destiny it can't happen it's too distracting I said it's too distracting am I making it would be really hard to try to build this house and mine falling apart it'd be hard it just be hard heart and some of you are calling Judas Peter and it is killing your attention Pastor what does Judas look like here are three traits it's toxic here's a trait because if I don't call these traits out you'll call it imp imperfection and it's toxic number one greed it's an insatiable and unrestrained appetite for more here's a question and I'm just telling you I'm just telling you not just what I read in the Bible I'm telling you what I put to practice in my own life you got to start making decisions with how you handle People based on how they handle your no because your unwillingness to handle a no lets me know there's greed that you only happy as my last yes and greed precedes betrayal they may not have betrayed you what did Judas betray Jesus for 30 pieces of silver greed and he was already greedy because the I could Lord he was stealing from Jesus you got to be careful cuz some stuff you calling spoiled greet wow they spoil they 47 they not seven they 47 number two not not not grees not just toxic number two entitlement this is the belief that one has owed something as a result of their association with the person that earned it they didn't earn it but just because they around you and you did they feel like they entitled to it my dad said to me one time he said you don't have a room in this house don't you come in my room he said you don't have a room you have a I have a room that I let you stay in y'all not talking to me stay out of my room you have a room Lord I don't have time the Bible says in John 12:4 but one of his disciples Judas scarat who was later to betray him objected and said why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the poor it's worth a Year's wages he did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief and The Keeper of the money bag and he used to help himself to what was put in it you entitled wow people giving all this to Jesus he he ain't going to miss it how does that shake your theology about Jesus's poverty though I'm going to leave that alone he was poor but he wasn't destitute yeah cuz poverty isn't just about your about the what you um what you've acquired it's about your access it's like one time a group of pastors years ago went on this like poverty fast I was like bro I don't have to go on that that was the first 20 years of my life with like you have to go you have to try to know what it feel like to be hungry I [Applause] know I've been there bro greed entitlement number three we out of here deceitfulness it is deliberately concealing or misrepresenting the truth to mislead or manipulate others here's here's here's a kicker it's a refusal to expose true motives Judas if you want some money say it I'll give you the 30 pieces of silver some people try to manipulate and connive when both y'all grown come on if you tell me what you want I might still give it to you let me go to this side over here what do you want and the Holy Spirit is pulling these traits to the surface and taking scales off some of your eyes so that you can see things that are undermining your physical spiritual emotional and relational Health cuz it's toxic and you're not governing yourself accordingly now I think in week three here I'mma tell you what to do I need next week to give you three more traits but but but but in the next week I'm going tell you what to do with how to govern yourself Accord Accord what the how the Bible informs what we should do with a Judas cuz notice Jesus didn't kill him he hug himself you got to had this here's why some of our soul can't get whole you keep exposing it to unnecessary wounds so you can't get fully healed from yesterday cuz you keep letting people put knife in your hearts today Lord open my eyes that I can see father I pray every location that you give me the ability to see who's for me what's for me and the wisdom to govern myself accordingly in Jesus name amen clap your hands everybody every [Music] location listen

Channel: Dharius Daniels TV

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Id: QMe9qh9Jc7U

Length: 43min 24sec (2604 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 07 2024