MADtv I Iconic Characters

[Music] [Applause] welcome to the Shrine Auditorium where the 70th annual Academy Awards are about to begin [Applause] my bad my bad your costume threw me off there ah you must be a big star you had that suit FedExed all the way from 1985 [Laughter] tough but you nice I know you know what you're barking up the wrong tree here Eddie homey don't play The Crying Game no but you know what what's your name sir yeah [Music] you know where the jokes getting a little old now suggest you step beside this platinum in the wrist I'll come through let's go I'm sure Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd are keeping your seat warm at they used to be funny section hey welcome to Bianca home how may I help you hi I'm looking to buy a lipstick here we got our newest go which is just come out at the rose let me just try this on you yeah you know what your lips are just what he dude then he we here vehicle we really wouldn't feel comfortable about putting our names on those I swear but woman walk through that door right now I'd go gay [Applause] what are the chances huh see uh my Winnebago broke down out front I was hoping you might be able to give me a jump well if brittany can do it to madonna without throwing up I guess so can I here goes Oh what are you doing there Ellen no no I see the only time I touch Kitty is when I'm at the pet store I see what you did there there's a double entendre dad entendre one word means two different things one of them usually being sexual you see what you did there no joke this is beginning of a very good friendship saw the index card don't do it super egg you know thought I'd come by and check out huh check out the car huh check it out this is the car than you had as you can see it's got no dance spending no accidents it's in great condition and and the interior is in perfect condition if you wanna take a look inside I suppose it wouldn't hurt to get again there huh sure why not thank you the car I've owned of myself is that huh nowhere you mean that the air fresh air freshener the air Smith yep inflation yes therefore air freshener yeah anyway about the car real nice shape to it doesn't it cedar you eucalyptus or it looks like a pine yes I think it's a pine tree tree yes yes yes yes anyway the tires are original to the car they're all in great condition you detected outdoorsy smell going on in there [Music] I suppose it's a pint and to go with the pine tree anyway in thousands and thousands of cars you see them there in all kinds of cars speaking of cars [Music] 5-speed what the heck you got there well good morning we're serving free samples of granola today if you'd like to try something please go ahead what the heck you call this here that's a mini cup huh mini-me Oh nanny company yeah that's not something you see every day huh guess not huh you'll need this right here I suppose you could call it a mini spoon that's cute Doreen Stewart number nine six do you talk right into camera okay hello I'm Doreen Larkin and I just want to say right off the bat that I'm not looking for a husband so much as I'm looking for a father figure for my son stewards Stewart oh my husband left us on Tuesday and when you're is gifted as Stewart you need a constant male influence and as where did you get those chops where did you get those well what do you expect with such a growing boy he's my boy my big boy the doctors say they don't really know oh look at him he's so active we're looking for somebody who would maybe like to wrestle in a pool isn't that right George well don't get all crazy on me why don't you tell me what you're looking for in a daddy what's your chance Stuart don't be shy boy this is your chance to be on disappeared dwara all very [Music] and some boy and [Music] [Applause] [Music] are they - my best friend wait which one of you is Heidi key me I'm sorry it's just for the bunch here together it's her from you know exactly zero wait a second how did you guys get into my apartment oh oh oh I made like one of your ninja friends and I snuck into the window these aren't ninjas they're my cousin's I don't know any men does [Music] in the Asian persuasion region [Music] number one baby seven my name is Moony Falacci for Halle for Sharif for Jackson - laughing it I see I got a job my own so I need a man to give me nut you know what I'm saying but I am looking for someone who wants to you know like take me to special places like the sizzle ah oh the movies that we could talk you know not some tired ass brother trying to knock the sisters boots you know as soon as he meets so on the first day you know why cuz I going down like they know what I'm saying someone you know that I cap am poet like oh oh oh like Jack rubs and like Oh foot massages you know cuz I'll do all that as long as you're planning to stick around you know cuz if you like using me to get what you want then look at my okay me you know what I'm saying and you white boys can call me too cuz like as far as vanilla and chocolate still make chocolate proudly presents Lords of the plane a special guest appearance by Shack as the evil sorcerer Kazan is about the good now call upon my great army of Kobe sucks I can tell featuring our your boy you Punk's laughing if I can't make a free throw you folks know each other i'ma start Robert I did have this friend in 1000 BC we discover a bevy of baby beauties first of all I'm not sure I'm cuz I am a rapper journey cuz I'm [Music] whoa whoa wait I'll move it I'll move it too late I already started right there's only been your five minutes I can move it okay now if you want to start some trouble over here we can get gets home I'm not trying to get get over oh my god is Jerry Springer you Jerry Springer right let me tell you something I love you okay I watch it every night Jerry Jerry Oh would you mind like signing it you know what what a grab for me oh thank you I make this out to UM Mooney fuh Latifah Holly for sorry for Jackson why don't I just make it out to beneath her what'd you say why don't I just make it out to Beneatha Jackson beneath her how do you want me to make we need for our that's right Latifah 1h when H sharifa did I say H Jackson thank you you know what I almost feel funny you know giving you a ticket well yeah you know you know have to give me the ticket I don't say it was want me to do lose my job but trying to get me fired huh I got this Russell's uber it huh what else to do that move in with you what I got y'all you sign the ticket down so I could get the one free I usually take it but you ain't going nowhere cuz it's fall to and after 4 o'clock this turns until it's always owned do I look like one of them jackasses from MADtv it looks like one of the guests on our show I got you and your damn car hey Mike yeah outside the pancake house once you get small children and children traveling alone on flight 267 to Chicago at 8:35 like I was saying mrs. Larkin there's nothing for you to worry about oh I'm just so nervous about my baby flying on a plate all alone it's his first time flying by himself you know oh I know but don't worry we deal with the situation all the time where's your little boy oh he went to the little boy's room he had to make brown bubbles Stewart where did you get that Javal dog I found it on the floor what a momma say about the devil dog I don't want to say what is devil dogs look like cream-filled poop poop now Stewart no don't you eat that you've had enough sugar today oh you love snacking no Stewart this is the nice lady that's gonna help you on your flight going Gloria hi Stuart my name is Cindy no it's very sweet honey I was just gonna say hello oh he's going to see his daddy for Thanksgiving he left us on Tuesday you know Stuart seated okay come on Stuart let's get on the plane well come on it's time to board let's get on the plane and go come on let's go right now that chicken was expensive so where's your jacket I don't remember you know what you probably left it at this unibind stand and now I'm gonna have to go and get it Oh would you try and get him on the plane and no matter what he tells you no more Johnny Stewart or your Gogu balls won't drop because we're boarding right now so if you could hurry look Musti what you want to get on the on the plane okay Stuart you know we're gonna have so much fun we're gonna go way high up in the sky and when we get up there if you look out the window all the cars on the street all the cars they look like tiny little ants you've seen tiny little ants before haven't you Stuart good well we could just get on the flight 9525 335 now boarding [Music] Stewart that is the property of the airlines and then [Music] can you please not dawdling let's get you on that plane sir come on no time for County candidly if I give you some candy will you get on the flight yes I have some skin or wire you want some skittles here you go well just Oh [Applause] oh I guess I'm already me too [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] we've got a great job [Music] as you know I own thousands of human beings and here is the centerpiece of by human collection [Applause] [Applause] [Music] Thank You Oprah for creating Bob for Phil show or without it I would truly be somewhere in Texas sitting in a trailer drinking excessively and touching my private parts while watching Mexican soap operas you know recently a tornado touched down in weed hole Oklahoma and it was devastating wobb wobb and my first guest is a man who lost everything so please welcome guests [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] now guess you lost everything in a tornado that's right Oprah I lost my home everything Oprah may I speak make it quick absolutely Oprah it's important to you to know that after a natural disaster people can rebuild they can take the shattered remnants of their lives and they can put them back together but you live in that crap sack Oklahoma Philip you are so observant Wow I mean honestly isn't he the best fake therapist you've ever seen on television you know what guess my heart really goes out to you so I'm going to give you the Oprah [Applause] home you're gonna need an architect contractors and lots okay [Laughter] [Music] Oh [Applause] welcome back welcome back we're talking with seven-year-old college sophomore Karen Goddard yes I know she's amazing seven yes yes now Karen am i right you are premed I also would like to get a second degree in engineering as well and my dream is to marry the two degrees and become a doctor that designs prosthetic limbs for amputees living in war-torn regions of Africa [Applause] Fatboy are missing a limb I'd come to you really I'm dying to know what it's like raising a child genius let's meet Karen's parents we've got Howard and his wife Wesley and Karen's twin sister dot [Applause] so folks what is it like day-to-day with was such a fascinating li interestingly smart child I mean are you just constantly in a state of all much of the time yes we knew Karen was special when she was you know just months old she was like no infant we've ever seen tidy so we're gonna fit on my hand [Music] balance we find is the key to raising an exceptional child balance meaning nurturing her gifts as well as giving equal time to her child it's magic [Music] that might both have chores we both get an allowance an allowance now do you save it or do you splurge well the money that I get from my lecturing I save and invest but the allowance I usually blow mostly on books I buy some time [Music] and you really like if I got a lot of money and if I didn't bury it and I have some left over then I guess speaking of books please I'm sorry I am going to murder you excuse me Tom do you have a moment yeah I wanted to talk to you about mr. Strauss Tom what he said really insulted me just tell me what happened all right all right I was in the snack area of course and I was eating a banana Cindy what a banana yes I was eating a banana not a bear claw No what does a bear call have to do with anything I don't know I'm just I'm trying to figure this out please help me out please I am trying to tell you I was in the snack area I was eating a banana and Brian comes in and he says boy I sure wish I was that banana right now I said I think you're reading too much into this I think you know he just meant that he literally just wants to be a banana he pinched my bottom how could you tell [Music] if you felt was to use a pair of pliers [Music] what the pliers have to do with anything no I used his fingers you know this has happened to me before and no one ever seems to believe me my family my coworker not even my minister what about the guy at the fast-food window don't eat fast food well this time I secretly tape-recorded Bryan coming on to me you were the sexiest most beautiful woman I've ever seen and if we don't make love I am going to explode I am so sorry I owe you an apology you watch this mr. prezbo could you please have Bryan Waymire fired immediately thank you mr. Taylor you're welcome I cannot have somebody working for me he was totally out of his mind [Music] I appreciate it it's very difficult being a single attractive woman in the work world I know you know nothing about that I think that makes two of us [Applause] hello Manticore no come on naina very big hurry let's omega order for everybody at the gorgeous pretty buddha nestled on okay great hello take your order don't yell at me you need to take a chill pill you know okay alright alright so you want fries with what no no fry I want burger okay which Burger man yeah but the hamburger yeah which one you got the burger deluxe two double patty melt the big jacket the mini slider okay I went five five what man please tell me which burger you okay five burger and a nugget chicken nuggets no come on you need to know the menu bathtub [Applause] what at 6p sir nine piece why you say six on nine I tell you one you try to rip me off I am the manager now do you want one six piece chicken nugget or one nine piece chicken nugget one okay you meet them in pinkie shake okay you can shake okay one more time at AIT I want a book of a five imma take your milk and nugget I know you don't pay attention [Music] all right look you got the deluxe you got the double patty you got the mini slider which burger do you want who are you I'm trying to understand you you know [Music] [Music] [Music] it'd work every time we bugaboo miss one mostly I just call you stupid stupid [Music] is that guy waving at you or me Jim and I are rather and sister I'm afraid so we've already [Applause] listen can I have your number good I have it can I please receive the secret code that ended telephonically it will patch me through to you which means it'll be your beautiful ass number can I have it no come on have it and have it good I have it can I can I [Applause] the moment you've been waiting for here to announce the winner having beaten over 10,000 hopefuls is your American Idol please say hello to Kelly Clarkson here we go well Bobby Brown please step forward I told you girl ain't gonna be no new edition review you are the all-star American Idol hey just a reminder if you have no life log on to Idol on Fox common look at some tour days yeah but right now sit back and enjoy the two winners of American Idol Whitney Houston and Kelly Clarkson as they sing us out yes [Music] [Applause] [Music] come on wait not yet yeah [Music] yes you may beat American Idol but I'm a diva I'm a teen bar like marriage a blaze you know this is the best Chinese food I've had a long time mine's great too oh no what I hate when people bring children to restaurants [Applause] here we call thank you oh this is your first time at a Chinese restaurant visit and that's fun the waiters face looked weird [Music] well that's because he's Asian where's this they didn't go anywhere honey they're just a different shape right that's the way that God made him just like he gave you the lazy eye yes you do did you pick him mommy when she was changing again [Music] well do you know what you want to eat so it's a Chinese restaurant they don't make the happy meal and I hate that kind of talk is Right fest what i'ma say about little boys are realist well boys [ __ ] racist learn to be racist from their mother Oh Stewart I have never said anything racist in front of you black people are not scary if they keep their hair [Music] forgive my son we're gonna have them Justin order I will get my son we'll have a nice big bowl of white rice clothes that cute [Music] [Laughter] um you guys okay doesn't anything can we have the check sure thank you sir Mama's gotta go make a little trip to the buffet to make room for more food but I'll tell you what I want you to use all your manners okay [Music] I was thinking about the hours I don't know I hear that's just about suicidal lesbian that's interesting because they take good care of their cats your mom is an idiot and we're trying to eat our dinner in private well I'm having the fried rice and she's having the poopoo platter [Music] hey it's just a little kid okay fine sure can we just go alright well said let's at least read our fortune cookies you will find love if you search for it whoever you're supposed to say between the sheets you will find love if you search for it between the sheets oh oh dare you come on to your boyfriend like a cheap straight [ __ ] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] well that was ugly just like the Chinese [Music] good I could practice you're reading my child is a joy to everyone between the sheets between the sheets [Music] well now you really don't think that I'm sorry it's rude alike okay sorry it's a lot easier to act when you're sober moe yeah David where do you want us to take it from how about we take it from when someone told most she was funny oh wait wait that never happened I've seen premature ejaculator 'z with better timing you think you could just no shut up just for a few miles we can get through those I would really like to get out of it okay okay whatever you say after all you are the star of me on TV then again you're the star of MADtv like five minutes you know just buckling your voice is very annoying like that I can hear you we just ok motors [Applause] all right can we get somebody else to do this scene maybe getting Nicole she'll do anything if her ass jiggled anymore Bill Cosby would stick a spoon in it [Applause] you [Music]

Channel: Eric Thigpen

Views: 4,842,446

Keywords: Madtv, Mad tv stuart, Mad tv loraine, Mad tv dot, Bunifa, Mo Collins, Michael MacDonald, Debra Wilson, Mad tv Oprah, Ms Swan, Vancome, Jordan Peele, Mad tv

Id: d7aF6tUMKQE

Length: 42min 38sec (2558 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 06 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/44Bulldawg]

“Look what I can do” 😂

[u/[deleted]]

Yes. Anyone watch Whose Line is it Anyway?

[u/Hell-on-wheels]

I used to love finding their Clips in the early days of YouTube (2007 or so)

[u/Marmatus]

Yep, all the time. My mom and I used to watch it together, which is funny in retrospect, knowing how raunchy it got at times, and how religious my parents were back then. lol

[u/Jackinator94]

My brother (born 1996) and I have watched it back then!

[u/SuspiciousEchidna]

I miss madtv it was way funnier than snl