Celebrating 'MADtv'

welcome to mad tv where's all my mad sisters let me flow sisters [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] four hottest chicks from the mana TV [Music] [Applause] this song really makes no [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] looks like someone wants a puppy huh that someone is me no I told you we're coming here just to look we are not gonna get a puppy no we have been through this no we are not know what happened to the neighbor's puppy what happened talk what happened to the Doros popping the Terios puppy pooped in the bed that's right he pooped in the bed yeah and we have enough trouble with you in that department look at the bird like bird store mom around mr. Pibbs okay whereas mr. pips cuckoo this girl's not there Jane oh yeah my fingers own would you like to have to hold him oh you be careful Stuart your shoulders need you to hold still if I'm gonna put him on your shoulder okay ready one two Stuart are you afraid no no don't go waste and Elena's charm was try it again [Applause] mr. pizza burner of buzzsaw [Applause] he's eating dog I didn't call you a ho I said let's go let's get started try and follow the [Applause] [Music] I'd like to return those shoes for a full cash refund if it's no bother even though we ain't carry them in five years okay now I'm going to run at this portal pi as fast as I can and knock it over [Applause] take away my xbox I'm Shaq I wake up cool but this keeps it going what's up dishes Shaq mostly all know me from basketball some of y'all know me from my back pain commercials and at least one of y'all know me from my movie Kazaam well take chances I love it buku buku buku look at the beach [Applause] [Music] your first challenge of today's talk how may I help you am I really dead you are but sure your Nova looks like those two have some shelf life lived Anna I bet the judges didn't know whether to fondle them or plant a flag I won Miss IQ for my brains not my body of course you did sweetie and you have the grass stains on your knees to prove it I'm sure you do and I bet you also know how to say here's my room key and every single one of them okay cutie in your go oh I bet you wish you had a dollar for every time you see a dad to a stranger one more thing when they tell you to spread them they mean your wings welcome back what we pray is the final stretch of the 2004 National Spelling Bee for the past two and a half hours we've been down to these three remaining spellers Pamela Shaw and dot congratulations guys who's ready to give up not me no way my grandmother says that winners never quit and quitters never win my granny says that when I get boobs I can keep my money right here there's the Bell Sean O'Brien is our first speller this round your word is incisor incisor Wow I'm already bored you know what earlier I asked Sean what he would do with the $12,000 prize money let's go to that clip huh if I win I'm going to send the money to our family in Korea I wish the prize was a million dollars I wish surprises a monkey that would steal wallet incorrect and Sean was just eliminated yeah know the answers to 14 and 15 well GI you know great let's talk about the drugs crack rehab fails first of all let's get one thing straight crack is cheap I made too much money to Emma so let's get that straight okay we don't do crack we don't do that crack is wack let me tell you something okay let me get one thing straight with you I don't do crack this crack is cheap crack is wack I do freebase hold it are you ready yes are you are you are you dying oh you're gonna die you tell me yeah you tell me wish you a Merry Christmas we wish you a I'm trickin Serena's it's been over an hour clearly the tow truck is not coming you know there's a gas station like three miles down the road let's just walk back to that are you kidding I'm not walking anywhere it's pitch-black out relax I got a flashlight great how long has it been in the trunk the batteries are probably dead no dude look it's a rechargeable flashlight you just shake it for three minutes it gives you twenty minutes of light [Applause] when does it go on just got to be patient that looks hard God my hands getting sweaty I'm going to use the other hand feels weird I'm not used to using this hand do do what I do do it the other way like this here let me help you that with your nail alright then just let me let me do it for you alright [Applause] copper's yeah good maybe they can help us get it on yeah do you talk to them you talk to them and I'll keep yanking it hey what's going on out here man our car broke down put your friend up - over there what you're doing come on over here sir hold on I'm almost there I'm so close just please get on your knees put your hands behind your head sometimes the gays come out here take some ecstasy like to fool around come on I'm just gonna check their pupils oh my god damn damn batteries don't tell me how to do it I've been doing this as the 5th grade maybe use ours yeah if you can get it to work yeah you got to shake it shake it good damnit Wang why isn't anything coming out of these guys just he's mine it's rechargeable penlight [Applause] [Applause] [Music] it's amazing none of our flashlights work around here it's like the Bermuda Triangle oh you show me yours I'll show you mine [Laughter] so much you guys thank you I love everything this has been the best birthday gathering I could have ever hoped for over yet buddy because I didn't give me my gift oh you've done enough no no no no no no I got said I was gonna get your gift I am I got you a stripper [Applause] when you told me you might do that and I said no stripper no I am a youth pastor you know that right let's bring on this trip [Applause] [Music] [Music] into the midbrain sorry yeah a vending machine fell on me when I was trying to shake a bag of chips out of it [Music] I'm sorry I'm just I'm so I'm not comfortable with this and poison is it the brace my neck muscles aren't very strong but I can take it off thank you [Music] [Music] [Music] you're just not gonna need your services if that's okay I'm sorry you guys stopping by though you're really terrific don't be this to me I need the money so badly my car's been repossessed I had to steal the little girl's bike to get here I can't pay listen we will give you the money will even give you double the money I'm not a bimbo on the street taking handouts if I don't work I don't get paid huh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] you're bleeding [Applause] Oh sexy huh [Applause] [Music] where's the birthday [Music] attention students attention settle down students thank you by now I'm sure your teachers have informed you all the reason we're at this assembly yesterday afternoon there was yet another near riot during 5th period gym class involving a number of our students and we intend to get to the bottom of this now i person yeah I see you secured it son secure it okay you want to talk we can talk after school during detention huh did you like that nothing to keep it zipped Thank You coach Hines thank you you're a chemical are gonna tell this High Holy One here what you did yesterday or I will slice your head off with the edge of my house are we gonna talk about last night no but I just think we said look we were all drunk right okay it's spring break when two hot girls say they want to have an all-night orgy you do it and we did it okay we had known that orgy I just didn't realize but the girls left after five minutes right I don't understand man I mean I know I was drunk but but I swear I hope that with some cute little asian girl that was me dude yeah that's right do not let me in with you guys all right I didn't touch none of y'all yeah that's right because you were sitting in the corner watching and touching yourself with me I had fun wait a minute I was looking at the picture today on my digital camera we look like an Abercrombie and you know what what's the big deal I mean come on men were always saying bros before hos right isn't that what being a saint is all about I don't know man I'm kind of proud of us babies right yeah maybe it shows how comfortable we are with each other you know yeah maybe when I was you know pleasuring myself in the corner I was just getting off on how solid our Brotherhood was yeah and you know maybe when when Dave put his mouth um on me maybe that was his way going [Music] all right there you have he remains no big deal it's just just one wild drunk night of Spring Break yeah can we just admit we made love to each other [Music] hey there's a hotel over there you guys want to go bro out scare me I ain't afraid of nothing except Rottweilers and expired mayonnaise [Music] [Applause] available it's so hard and hard to think don't you want a Fanta to wet your whistle in your mouth don't you know I'm six yeah you see wards or Fanta [Music] no new friends a chunky chop punch hello mrs. Rogers this is Angela right in lieu of the app that you gave me on my social studies paper entire titled football causes female eating disorders I present to you hardcore video documentation to support my thesis and hopefully encourage you to change my grade this is my cousin Natalie she's visiting from Canada Natalie mr. Lerner and yet somehow she maintains incredible self esteem Natalie on a scale from one to ten how do you see yourself a 10 no 11 well that is all about to change right before your very eyes we're going to see an eating disorder develop over my shoulder is the boy junior high school football team oh my god they're so cute cute that's vicious I want you to throw yourself into that pool of adolescent shark while I video record your self-esteem being devoured like a bloody baby seal say my big sack Canadian cousin can't see what they're saying so I'm gonna zoom in and see if we can read their lips oh my god I think Sam just called Natalie family don't take it all right she's gonna cry and pulling her out I was like hi and they were like hi how are you new in school and I was like no I'm just busy for Canada and then I don't know they must love Canada because they just went nuts anything about your corpulence no really sweet especially Luke that's weird maybe they had a spiritual epiphany over the weekend or something [Applause] spiritual epiphany pad okay measures perfect Gretta Adams is over there talking to the football guys okay the minute they see you standing next to Greta it will remind them how much they hate porky chicks and the insults will start flying like to the world rip her to shreds then the cheerleaders will because they hate fat they are skinny Nazis there they hate that so much they don't even take a deep breath because it makes them look fat Natalie will never survive those two do [Music] I can't believe that they've never heard the banana cheer Luke asked me did anybody say anything about you being fat no not even the male cheerleader for a sassy zinger oh I don't know I guess I mean this might sound queer but maybe my parents are right if you love and respect yourself then others can't help but love and respect you now that's just something parents say when they realize their kids are losers okay I finally figured out a way how to unleash their wrath [Music] [Music] [Music] one of the big stories tomorrow is going to be the weather in Jacksonville and here filling in for our own jillian Barberie is guest meteorologist and a Nicole Smith now let's go to the weather [Music] take back America 1955 take back America too when God was still alive truer words were never spoken or sung hi I'm Darlene McBride you know I love this country the way it used to be simple minded with simple values for simple people but then the big government the Supreme Court and those bleeding heart liberals just couldn't leave well enough alone and now look at it a big ugly melting pot just boiling over on what used to be a nice white stove that's why I decided to launch my take back America tour across this great country I'll be coming to a city near you singing inspirational songs filled with traditional values it's good good-looking healthy white folk out there the Lord loves the NRA he told me so the other Navy spelled it out from bullets in the sky he sitting up in heaven with his ak-47 knees are up and ready macho kinda guy lamb no Barry did his ham or lamb she had an abortion instead where Mary went Mary went Mary went straight to Hill it has been said cos someone blew me up now the Lord works in mysterious ways be sure to catch Darlene in these cities on earth coming to Laramie Dallas Murillo Topeka [Applause] no matter how big you get dump is important to keep a small mind [Music] [Applause] you've enjoyed his music for years and now Jay tell records presents the definitive collection of one of America's most beloved performer son til yesteryear with lite-brite Suzy back to the light [Music] I don't know kids away you just like me tell backup and he's gonna mess up yo this must be you kiss my big black ass Oh big bad days yeah you heard me line up kiss my big black ass music light of the nation until his mysterious death after a show-stopping performance at the 1972 Republican National Convention but don't let his beams a guy get your copy of little busts on Taylor's songs for white-trash ofay send your check or money order to I'm a stupid ass whitey box 61 Patterson New Jersey [Music] miss Swan you got the vegetarian yeah the vegetarian nut yeah they wouldn't need to be the bacon there's no bacon on the vegetarian I'm sorry we're closed I got something you said something you you left something all right hold on you wait right here I'm gonna go to the lost and found [Applause] what did you lose candy you lost candy candy oh you need some Ken you want to buy some Kent all right fine listen if you can do this quickly I'll allow it I was about to close but do you know what you want oh yeah I know okay great what do you want candy I know but what what kind do you want ouch did you want chocolate do you like chocolate I don't know never you've never had chocolate oh here here you go there's a little sample all right fine okay we have to do this quickly all right because I have a date yes I do all right so we need to get on with this let's go oh yeah I get it um because you got to get on to the monkey in the birds what oh you're gonna tour the baton tonight hey look if you don't order right now I'm gonna throw you out of this store okay that is caramel cream Amman dia there you go [Laughter] [Applause] the president of London go all the way up you're a giraffe how would you even know what a giraffe tastes why am I even asking all right you're gonna get a pound of this then right no lady I'm beginning to think that you're turning this into a little game I assure you this is not good that's marzipan it's only marzipan it isn't it is marzipan is an almond paste and I'm going to bet you want to try this too would you like to try this [Laughter] what kind of animals that taste like lady lady for god sakes it's Valentine's Day and I have got a date you know you knew that the men but you southern lady [Music] he got for bit you got a husband you can't feed chocolate to a dog it'll kill it oh you know sensei I cover my birthday with outpull and he [ __ ] dog [Applause] really yeah you wanna watch actually yeah I'd kinda like to see that it is a she I'm gonna miss you most of all [Music] Oh who's the wizard baby [Applause] [Music] well now you really don't think that I'm damn it sorry screwed a life ok KY all right it's a lot easier to act when you're sober mo yeah David where do you want us to take it from how about we take it from when someone told most she was funny oh wait wait that never happened I've seen premature ejaculator z-- with better timing talk like five minutes you know just buckle a throwing your boys is very annoying like that I can hear you we're just ok motives and cleared this out all right can we get somebody else to do this scene maybe getting Nicole she'll do anything if her ass jiggled anymore Bill Cosby would stick a spoon in it dr. Watson you're a miracle worker what's your secret I just believe that inside every troubled child is an obedient child trying to get out [Applause] excuse me would you mind waiting outside I'm not done with this session oh no that's all right doctor they clearly need you more than we do let's go thank you [Applause] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Eric Thigpen

Views: 887,230

Keywords: MADtv, Ms. Swan, Mad tv Stuart, Mad tv Lorraine, Vancome Lady, Michael MacDonald, Coach Hines, Mo Collins, Stephnie Weir, Mad tv Dot, Nicole Sullivan, Mad tv Oprah, Debra Wilson, Mad tv Whitney, Jordan Peele, Keegan, mad tv

Id: pR7rPUTi9DQ

Length: 40min 55sec (2455 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 05 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/DSOperative]

Two of my favorites were Pat Kilbane as Stan the Java Man and Will Sasso as Steven Seagal.