MADTV - S09E18 - Feat. Kevin Smith, Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, Trish Stratus and Big Show

I'm a busy woman I don't have time to hassle with birth control pills that's why I use the patch hey Karen yes what happened to your neck it's just my new contraceptive patch by ovamax oh contraceptive patch huh listen uh let's say you and me go out for a drink after work tonight sure Brad sounds good great as a modern woman I like to be in control with the contraceptive patch I call the shots hey Karen I just talked to Brad I I know you're busy tonight but can I come over tomorrow night sure how about seven the contraceptive patch lasts a week and you can put it anywhere I wear mine on my neck my neck three on my pelvic bone teen on both my legs that's six months of protection without having to break up the action to take a pesky birth control pill hey Karen I know Tony's coming over tomorrow at seven cool if I come over at eight how about 7 30. nice look after said the patch could cause mild skin irritation dry mouth and hey what's going on here there's some pretty sweet action going down here oh mama if I wasn't stuck in this announcer's Booth I'd be getting some too and I was like hello this is my shopping cart Karen you are so funny the shopping cart is classic hey Karen that patch that protects against disease too right um no the contraceptive patch you're still going to have to use condoms this message brought to you by Trojan [Applause] o [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Bobby Lee Michael McDonald [Applause] Josh [Music] [Applause] [Music] and Jillian thingman guest starring Kevin Smith show and Trish Stratus the Lily white Pasadena it's the Wayne Brady show Wayne's guest star Celine Dion a talking poodle named pookie and if time allows it won't Carrot Top here he is the salute to the Winter Olympics Wayne [Applause] foreign [Applause] I can't do this I'm sorry folks I have some very very disturbing news as I was pulling on my capezios I got a call from Disney I've been canceled this is the last Wayne Brady show you didn't hear me because you guys are old no no we've been canceled there are no more shows oh yeah yeah but hey don't worry old gray heads about your boy Wayne there's still plenty of opportunity on daytime television for a black man right laughs yeah okay uh well listen since this is the last show we're gonna go out with a bang now my first guess is a fabulous friend and a Titanic Talent please welcome I love this woman Celine Dion [Music] [Applause] when Brady as Le Jay-Z says little dizzy as little Jay-Z says you've got some flavor this is for you [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] oh my God it just hit me I have 26 years of payments left on my mansion I just bought a mayonnaise Factory I've got I've got Kiko a trophy asian wife that goes through money like crap through a goose I got it all except for a job don't think about this as the end of your career and think about it as the beginning of unemployment I go girl I think it's time for me to talk directly to the guys at Disney I think it's time for me to show my black pride it is time for me to show my righteous black anger From This Moment forward No More Mr Nice black man it is time to bring on the far rockacon all right all right yeah yeah now Disney you listen to me and you listen good okay I am going to put my foot in your hiney I am going to pop a cap and your took us I am going to call my main manager Bernie brillstein and he is going to slap you upside your hat that can't be right oh God I killed my fool and I can't do this oh Disney please please don't cancel me please I'll do anything mommy your boy is coming home Mama when you when you are not a proud black man damn right I'm not even a man when Brady was Kathy Lee Gifford all the time a [ __ ] like that is not just disappear from the TV save your voice for all the people who don't come see your show Seabiscuit stay tuned folks we'll be right back with Cassidy Cody and Carrot Top [Applause] WWE easy we're gonna start the party games bye everyone the piece of that cake [Applause] [Music] you're watching CBS we now return to Cold Case so you want this file that's a cold case that brother was convicted over 20 years ago well maybe it's time that we um [Music] foreign celebration [Music] yeah we'll be there man righteous keep on trucking this is a flashback to the seventies [Music] [Music] you're gonna wear your American flag pants yeah funeral [Music] Come on talk to me she can solve an old bird or any such crime she could figure it out in 44 minutes time she's got one expression she wants you to see people attacks or flood light she always appears wrinkle free [Music] It's A Rat's Nest all there but it's somehow still shine [Music] [Music] I know who I need to talk to you yes [Music] wow wow wow wow and I thought your generation was going to change what changed me well it's too bad your girlfriend never got a chance to find out if she was gonna change the world or the world was going to change and too bad your black friend is serving time for a murder that you commit I gotta bash your brains out [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] hey Rudy welcome to the outside thanks what's wrong with your hair [Music] now the real Killer's going to jail and he is really mad down [Music] some snow blowing around [Music] here comes the end [Music] yeah of the episode foreign [Music] [Applause] I know you just moved here from Mexico let me show you how we make a burrito here in America all right now take one of these big breads and put it on the paper all right then give it a squirt of beans uh squirt of the white stuff squirt of the green stuff give it a squirt of lettuce and put it in a bag now you get a bag of Squirtle napkins and you're done with what a bag full of squirts [Applause] in Mexico we do not squirt can I make a burrito [Applause] [Music] no and I pound it upon a very large Rock see my wife a sultry sweaty farm girl joins me if we put the door upon the ground and we make love near the doll [Music] I said babes in the sun and the purity of our passion then we go to the sun drenched tomato Fields where we pick the ripest most Flawless tomato from the vine and the rest of the crop is burned to the ground and on that fire we cook the most flavorful burrito ever created never once in my life have I assembled a burrito using a caulking gun for eight bucks an hour I'll assemble a burrito with my feet and I have yeah let me get a Baja Southwest steak Bowl Grande [Music] combo plate yeah does that come with a toy it comes with a SpongeBob pencil topper great and I'll also get a taquerito what is this combo foreign are you here to enjoy Mexican food sir are you here to play with toys hey hey I just want a taco Rito Taco Rito in one Fell Swoop you have Dishonored both the sanctity of the taco and the innocence of the burrito I think a bastard child who can call nowhere home but see how you are being cheated to the prep line all right oh hey I see you now don't fake Press buttons on the microwave [Music] [Applause] [Music] I I am sorry Loretta what is your problem me problema there are so many perhaps I should begin at the beginning I was born in a small town called el toilet I work very very hard my entire life to become a world-class chef my dream is to come to America and cook authentic Mexican food so I came with my entire life savings 40 million pesos do you know what 40 million pesos is worth here I got this hair net [Applause] okay okay let me tell you my story [Music] I got herpes the end number 16 two chalupas number 16 to chalupas sir sir please don't you are making a tragic mistake excuse me Don Quixote but it's my weekend to be with my daughter I have four hours before I have to get her back to the witch can I just eat my chalupa please yo chalupa are you sure that's a chalupa yeah you're positive it's a chalupa because I don't think you know what that means I want to go why does the home have to be with Mommy why can't home be at Daddy's apartment because your daddy is an unfit parent more self-respecting father would allow their child to see the raping of a culture the molestation of a people or to eat with a spark all right I will not go back to the prep line until this man tells me what a chalupa is I don't know a Cheesy plate no mix no no if I were to make you a chalupa I would have to go to the lumber yard and Order 50 board feet of Southern yellow pine and 1 by 12 slats because at your Lupa is a small boat it is a small boat [Applause] twists see the twists [Music] oh hey stop they're gonna take that out of your pain who is next somebody else want to order something off of the raping menu uh let me get a bang bang chimichanga Bang Bang [Music] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Music] all right nice all right all right we are Johnny valtaker and the I Do's we're available for weddings bar mitzvahs and just recently we started doing funerals hey who's making jokes guilty they don't have bands at funerals but if you do like what you hear my solo CD acoustic summer is available for 10.99 10.99 all right hey who's uh who's doing self-promotion I shouldn't be doing that today is about Denise and Gary it just Lakshmi and Yavin oh right sorry Denise and Gary with this morning's wedding we're here for Lochmere and Java it is it is Lakshmi and Yavin right Lakshmi and javeen I'm sorry I'm a little tired Yavin I'm very sorry oh and speaking of sorry is looking very beautiful in her traditional Indian sari is Yavin Yavin is the groom right right Lakshmi looks very beautiful oh anyway I see that the wedding party is gathered next to the golden cow at the entrance of the reception hall so please help me welcome the bride's grandparents Mr and Mrs bunghole it is pronounced please forgive me holy I apologize Indian names are just so Musical and I'm a little tone deaf I'm only kidding this is what I do for a living folks seriously though please welcome bridesmaid skanky big ass bizarre and she's being escorted by a mad Grody no that can't be right hey how do you pronounce that Ahmad it is scrotie of course that one sounds like it's spelled I meant no disrespect I'm a big fan of Curry I think what I'm gonna do is uh have someone else take over for me here Pete you wanna you wanna read some of these [Music] you can hear me Pete [Music] I guess what I'll do is I'll just run through the rest of these I know we're very anxious to dig into that Tandoori okay uh let's see here uh uh uh let's welcome Mr and Mrs my sweaty sack pail it is all right my my bad my bad bear with me up next is Mrs Harry lick nipple it is okay okay I'm doing my best I'm doing my best all right say hello to Mr who bun me Long Rod ENT what is wrong with you all right I'm sorry okay uh dog [ __ ] and my ass nut bag corn cob s um Mr Mr s Mound chowder Ed someone else do this yeah yeah I'm starting to I'm starting to lose it pretty bad up here uh sweet cheeks now that is an easy one to just go up side chick okay that that's my fault that's my fault okay folks I know these names are wrong but let me just Breeze through these or we'll never get out of here okay here we go Mr parmesan Dingle crack Mr and Mrs ass cheeks Magoo sarima tea bag escorted by Mr nine balls party Trek doctor and Mrs cheese weiner sweater vest Professor Chum lick prelboy making a toast later finally ladies and Gentlemen please put your hands together for the new bride and groom Mr and Mrs urine Bowl headset PUD booger Crab Shack I am I am really really sorry I mean please please don't hate me I'm a big fan of the film Gandhi oh God you're a huge a-hole uh actually it's pronounced Hugh Anderson okay well um bride and groom have requested a traditional Indian song so hold on to your turbans I'm gonna try to pronounce it tongue belly tube steak crack hair herpes sore pup is it more love and bang swallower [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hey everybody Jay Leno here with another Lariat segment of jaywalking or as I like to call it people are really stupid huh oh people are so awesome thanks Kevin you're so right so we're in fact WrestleMania right now because who's dumber than a bunch of muscle heads oh nobody's doubling into muscle hands nobody I was thinking of muscle heads against WWE Raw Superstar Chris Jericho nothing isn't the biggest ass clown on late night TV [Music] sounds like the job Jayla would get if she joined the circus as clown because she's got the big booty JLo you get it I sure do now did you explain it make you look stupid this John Kerry what is John Kerry I bet your small little muscle mine can't tell me what he does he's the senator from Massachusetts running for Democratic presidential candidate he supports multilateral cooperative internationalism he's also famous for making hyperbolic exaggerations filled with the gracious acts of commentary now is there anything else you'd like to know because I'm about to lose it I'm sure I'm smart for a guy who prances around in tights for a living here come on look at this WWE Diva twist Stratus you're knocking me into the stratosphere get his fantasy again you get that Stratosphere that's a good play on the words Jake okay so let someone talking to Dum Dums doing a little jaywalking here you know and who's stupider than a pretty girl right sorry I must had some hair in the way what was that you said uh nothing I'm sorry about that uh think hard in that empty one head of yours okay oh he's a rice Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist whoa any more brain Busters Jay well it's Ryan Kofi Annan Gerhart Schroeder Moses William Howard Taft oh town Mr Isaac Newton you know what I guess you are a pretty smart lady I guess blonde's not your natural color foreign you had that one coming Jay you know I don't really talk like that what was here it's U.S Champion Big Show and WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero what's up guys [ __ ] stupid who doesn't do any bigger than this baby no no no no no I tell you what chick stick homes Latino Heat I think this guys the two of you are stupid isn't that right Kev I don't know him who's that that's fisty mcfist you guys are the stupidest of all the wrestlers that I've talked to from idiot wrestlers cat idiots it is huh you see this one you didn't see that one foreign [Applause] [Applause] [Music] okay we all need to finish up so eat whatever is left of your skull and crossbones cake we're gonna start the party games maybe wanting a piece of that cake sorry sorry a little bit there it's this you just okay no sorry about that one okay I'm not okay uh now where I asked I am captain scurvy and before we get started I'd like to be thanking the birthday boys mom here for giving har har pirate party Productions their very first gig now other parents we rely on great Word of Mouth which is why I brought along these gold doubloons with our 1-800 number on it call these tomorrow excuse me the kids are getting anxious shouldn't you do some pirate stuff Mom's right mom's always right okay now which one he is the birthday boy ah there he is sorry sorry I won't I won't be coming near you with me sword anymore no no no but uh I might just have to be still a present you are one nervous little boy what is your problem dude it's just jokes uh what can I uh take here that won't have none of you scared uh how about this extra paper plate yes this extra paper plate is me treasure and I'm taking it back to me [ __ ] not so fast Captain scurvy shiver me timbers it's me arch nemesis Lord fartley on the hand of those presents no not uh not presents not presents little boy plate dudes paper plate the kid's one of those nervous times yeah uh well on hand that paper plate before I run you run you through sir oh god oh what the hell man what the hell are you all right no I'm not all right you stabbing with your sword you jerk should we stop what no no of course not Mama this is all part of the show we're just having a little pirate fight and now I'm gonna get back to it what do you saying kids [Applause] Captain scurvy are you prepared to surrender no really you're pretty badly injured maybe it would be best if you surrendered no Captain scurvy's wife won't get off Captain's curve he's back about the 50 bones she's in the hole for a couple of swords and a Bunches of balloons so I'm not giving up you mangy dog then prepare to go down to Davy Jones Locker [Music] were you aiming for me Eric let's just stop this no way show me what you got finally up I think we should stop I think it hurts why we're having a good time Mom this is just all part of the show Captain scurvy you've been defeated uh time to tend to your wounds you know cab skirm can't do that cause cap scurvy's ran his way over too Eric I will lend you the money to pay for your rent we need to get you to a hospital who's this Eric he keeps talking about I'm cap scurvy and your lord fartley and we're gonna fight I'm not gonna fight you anymore fight me I won't fight Jerry [Applause] I gotta get the hospital I think oh God I hate Pirates and I hate children and I Terry everything's looking real oh my god oh wow that was incredible here here's another fifty dollars Captain scurvy is dead [Applause] we're here to talk about Frasier who is that still on of course it is it's not ringing a bell I would remember something that annoying this episode of Mad TV was brought to you by the UCLA body donor program where one arm won't cost you an arm and a leg and buy Balco steroids rewrite the record books with Balco the steroid people and to my neighbor Phil stay out of my garbage I threw it away for a reason and buy liquid Pro you don't have to pay a lot to be beautiful well the shampoo people take the Protestant seat and buy this Encore sketch well any person that you hear and anything that is of you and any place you won't go near you see their nouns a noun is something that you need so by 12th grade you'll learn to read don't make me get up into your face announce a person thing or a place oh I went to a school went to a school to a public school I saw the kids in classes and the teachers would be real cool [Music] you see there now or walk down the hall and I thought that I would flip so much graffiti it looked like an acid trip I went to complain to principal crop but he's out sick and he never shows up oh I walked down the hall and thought that I would flip well any person that you fear like a tiger or a drunk principle like graffiti or Asbestos and any place you won't go near the playground or their water fountain you see there now you see their nouns a noun is something that you need so by 12th grade you'll learn to read don't make me get up into your face a nouns a person think our place announce a person thing or place my school is all messed up damn thank you [Music] good evening I'm Connie Chung with running live for CBN the canned beverage Network providing in-house programming for aluminum can distributors in Southern Ontario we're here on the set of free Frasier for their final taping and joining me is Mr Kelsey Grammar so what brings you here I play Frasier Crane then who is Kelsey Grammer my game excuse me what pager my earpiece is telling me that the show's been on the air for 11 years yes it has tell me after all this time is it hard to say goodbye to NBC's hit show Friends your friends is a fine program but the friends I will miss most are my fellow outstanding castmates cool the other actors interesting and where might they be are you blind out right beside me hello Connie I'm David Hyde Pierce I'm Jane leaves John Mahoney so which one of you plays Phoebe none of us she's on friends I play Daphne uh you know I'm always saying Dr Craig

Channel: A Nostalgic Australian Lad

Views: 45,130

Keywords: trish stratus, wwe madtv, wwf madtv, kevin smith madtv, chris jericho madtv, eddie guerrero madtv, eddie guerrero, the big show, big show madtv, trish stratus wwf, trish stratus wwe

Id: GRxLBX69OPA

Length: 37min 33sec (2253 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 07 2022