Laugh Your Way | A Couples Comedy Event | With Guest Speaker Mark Gungor

[Music] thank you man yes you may be seated good to be with you this morning welcome our campuses as well do not adjust your screens my jacket actually looks this way we got the arrowhead campus that's downtown and medford oregon wow wow how y'all doing anyway glad you're here uh today for those who don't know much about me i'm a little bit different than most relationship speakers in america today most relationship speakers have phds dr so-and-so and doctor so-and-so and have a b c d e f g's behind the name i don't have any of that the only initials behind my name are pr which stands for puerto rican puerto rican gunger what what kind of name gunger puerto rican actually i was born a rodriguez along with every other person on that island yes they're everywhere but when i was very young my parents got a divorce because they could not agree my father wanted to have girlfriends my mother could not agree so it was a communication problem she got rid of him remarried a man by the name of gunger hence the name change but i was not born on the island of puerto rico la isla del encanto paso mark you're born in puerto rico yeah you like serious puerto rican that's good now i wasn't born on the island of puerto portugal i was born on the island of manhattan so i am a new york rican it's kind of like a puerto rican but different anyway say well you know by the way that's one of the big things that everybody wants to know their heritage their dna heritage you ever take these little tests they're kind of fun so i did one because i'm bored and uh it came back said i was 20 black which makes sense on that island all the slaves and spaniards got together for fellowship and made the rest of us so i summoned all my black friends look man i'm part black they said we figured that out already so how do you know that look at the way you dress [Applause] then i went to the doctor and got a physical comes back and said you know your estrogen levels are really high what not only am i part black i'm part woman my wife says you're getting grumpy of course i'm getting grumpy i'm turning into an angry black woman leave me alone for heaven's sakes [Applause] so if you're not a phd then what's your background how can you talk about marriage what makes you an expert because i've been married that's pretty much it i've had the privilege of being married to two wonderful women not at the same time first one i was married for 45 years to a little redhead by the name of debbie she passed away a few years ago and have remarried now to a beautiful blonde by the name of deanna i don't know if the cameras can catch i don't worry about it but deanna everybody's here second standing to see who you are so there's my late wife debbie and now my late wife deanna she's still alive she's just always late anyway so from this from this last year now what i want to share with you today is gonna be a little bit different you know the bible says seek after wisdom everybody says wisdom wisdom see james said if you don't know what to do ask god for wisdom but we don't want wisdom we want god to tell us what to do don't look at me in that tone of voice that's what we do we're supposed to add seek after wisdom there's not always a quick path to it so just practical down to earth information is what i want to share with you if you like lots of verses a lot of shouting and hallelujah and we all like that but today's gonna be a little different this i'm just gonna try and show you how to succeed with another human being in this thing called marriage and whether you're married or not this can help you in any relationship and how many all single yeah that's good you all need to be here you need to know about crazy before you get there all right so you can listen to that so but i do have a bible verse i want to share with you and uh how many like the bible don't you love the word yeah i have found the perfect bible verse for marriage that if you follow the advice from this one bible verse you will never ever ever have a problem in marriage 100 guaranteed check this verse out it is good for man not to marry say where is that this is from first corinthians the seventh chapter you can look it up yourself people say well that's horrible why would the bible say that because he goes on to explain that he who marries will have trouble in this life people come up pastor there's something terribly wrong what is it we got trouble in our marriage i go no that's that's about right that's about right bible's trying to warn you you don't pay attention i tell people all the time look the reality is what your spouse does may very well irritate you until the day you die the good news is you die no no password problem is not we're not compatible we're not compatible compatible people don't even know what words mean today you know 100 years ago they say the average american had a vocabulary of 50 000 words just read some of the writings from 100 years ago it's stunning there's words you won't even know what they mean this was the common numeric today now the average american has a vocabulary of 5 000 words it's one of the reasons people have such a hard time communicating with each other they literally lack the vocabulary to explain what they mean if you can't find the right emoji nobody knows what you're talking about at this rate we're gonna turn into cavemen [Music] picture picture the word compatible does not mean two people who agree about everything and feel the same about everything that's not compatible there's a different word for that delusional the word compatible actually comes from the latin word compati you can google it as i speak and you'll see that's where it comes from and the word compati you'll see on your little google screen there is literally translated to to suffer with that's what it means to be compatible yeah y'all a lot more compatible than you thought a lot of people don't know this but the relationship between a husband and wife is fundamentally a psychological relationship it is a psychological relationship you see one of you is a psycho and the other one is logical and for some reason psycho and logical are always hooking up and we're trying to figure out this morning which one is which i love this verse in the bible proverbs where no oxen are the manger is clean let me explain to you what that means what it means is if you have an ox you're gonna have ox poo now if you don't like poo and most people are not big fans of poo the temptation is get rid of the ox if we just get rid of the ox we get rid of the problem seems to make sense but then you run into the second part of the verse that says this but much increase benefit profit comes from the strength of the ox well now that there's a catch-22 you see everybody likes the benefit of the ox but nobody likes the poo that goes along with it and what he's trying to say is you cannot have one without the other there is no such thing as a poo free marriage now if all you get out of your marriage is poo then you have one sick ox and i can help you with that but this morning's little talk is not how to get to a state of perfection in your marriage this is just about how to get to a good positive to poo ratio for those of you not very spiritual i have a mathematical version that might help you out but it's all about the ratio you want more positive than pooh nobody gets perfection i know everybody thinks they're gonna get perfection nobody comes to the office altar thinking this is gonna be i'll never have another problem yeah you will we try and warn you nobody listens to us by the way pastor we warn you before you get married but you're in a delusional state and it turns dude so i want to give you some practical wisdom how for a husband and wife to get along and to understand each other now we're guys are going to bring out a couple of chairs here and i have a volunteer couple that's going to make their way to the stage wherever they are here they come give him a hand [Applause] hello dear how are you you're adorable you can have a seat you're not nearly as adorable but you can see over there i want to talk to you about how many women think differently here's the problem we don't think the same and we have these differences that listen every argument in marriage boils down to one very simple argument why can't you be more like me right clearly i am brilliant and you are mentally ill but these differences they're so exciting in the beginning and they draw us to each other like a slow-moving car wreck and then we get married and we drive each other crazy and we don't understand why the other one does what he or she does and then you get mad why because the sinful nature in us immediately goes to the dark side why does he act like that because he hates me he's a jerk why does she act that way because she's a witch no they're just different now i'm going to share with you what are basic stereotypes they don't have a cow about the stereotypes i'm not saying everybody's this way but they typically tend to be this way there's always exceptions part of the fun of this little exercise we're going to do is see how you stack up against the stereotypes that's all it is and there's always exceptions there's exceptions in my marriage when i first started studying this stuff it disturbed me i thought oh man i'm a woman but everybody's different i will say this that if in a certain area a man thinks and acts more than typically a woman would think take it to the bank in that area his wife will think and act more like a man would typically think we almost never find people who think the same and then we give bad reasons for the difference no it's just we're different let's try to understand each other my goal in my ministry actually and those of you who are studying the book laughing to a better marriage i don't try to change people now some people i understand we need christian change and godly but but my book my approach simply i don't try to change anybody i just try to get people to understand each other because if you can understand why somebody does what they do it changes everything even though it doesn't change anything and it and it takes away the anger and the frustration it's called wisdom everybody say wisdom all right so we're just talking stereotypes okay for example a typical stereotype would be men are more interested in sex than their wives why would you say that because generally it's true but it's not always true there's lots of relationships where does the wife who's much more interested in sex than her husband if you're here this morning you happen to be in a relationship where your wife is much more interested in sex than you i think i speak for all the men here when i say that we hate you please do not share all right here we go men's brains women's brains we will begin with the man's brains now ladies men's brains are made up of little boxes and we have a box for everything it's what we do we compartmentalize life we have a box for the house we have a box for the kids we have a box for the money we have a box for you we have a box for the for your mother somewhere in the basement and and the rule is the boxes do not touch when a man discusses a particular subject he goes to the appropriate box he slides it out he opens it up he will freely discuss the contents of that particular box and when he is yes amen from the man and and then when he's finished he will fold it up and put it away being ever so careful not to touch nor disturb any of the other boxes because the boxes do not touch then we have the female brain now the female brain is very different you see the female brain is made up of a big ball of wire and it's like the internet where everything is connected to everything and the house is connected with the kids and kids and they get to the money the money is connected to your mother and she jumps for one thing [Music] because to her everything is fair game at any given moment of course her husband's listening to her going what box are you in man i don't know i don't understand this why why you keep changing subjects i don't understand and and and she is convinced that he will get it that he will learn to connect but ladies we do not connect if you want something from a man for the love of heaven just say it come on boys give me a hula that's a man's amen right there here's an example a man is driving the car down the freeway his lovely wife says say would you like to stop and get some coffee and he goes uh no i'm good thanks and he keeps driving ten minutes later he looks over to her and wow what what's wrong with you you didn't stop for coffee you didn't say you wanted coffee you asked me if i wanted coffee but we failed to connect now we men have a box in our brains that most women are completely unaware of this particular box has nothing in it in fact we call it the nothing box and of all the boxes a man has in his brains ladies our nothing box is our favorite box if a man has the opportunity he'll go to his nothing box every time this is why a man can do something seemingly completely brain dead for hours on end like fishing that's why a man can sit in front of a tv set and go this drives our wives nuts stop that you can't possibly be watching anything i'm not go away now they actually measured this university of pennsylvania several years ago did a big study on brain activity they were the ones that discovered that in point of fact men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe but conversely i discovered that a woman's brain never stops they brought women in wired to monitor their brain activity [Music] they brought in the men wired them up [Music] in fact listen they said up to 70 percent of a man's brain activity completely shuts down when he's relaxing you see when a man is chilling out we're chilling out if a woman tells you she's chilling out she's just cold and she doesn't understand the nothing box in fact there's nothing quite as irritating to a woman than to witness a man doing nothing how can you just sit there huh women don't understand that nothing box a woman a witness a man in that glorious vegetative state and she'll come up to him so uh what you thinking about nothing we got to be thinking about something they'll ask and they'll get mad they'll actually get angry when they ask what do you think and he says nothing they think that we are withholding from them some deep emotional truth there's nothing there leave him alone he doesn't care no he's just nothing there go away this also affects the way men and women talk now they say that if a man needs to use 10 000 words in a day a woman needs to use 20 000 words in a day my wife says well that's because we got to repeat everything we say to which i responded what not only do men and women use different amounts of words words themselves can have total different meanings to men and women for example five minutes now to most men five minutes means five minutes to a lot of women it's an indefinite period of time are you ready yet five minutes now as we've already shared men love cherish and appreciate nothing women don't understand nothing if a woman tells you it's nothing it's something yeah what's wrong nothing look out okay now this next word is not actually spoken we'll put in parentheses but it's a psi now in a man's size it means everything is good with life when a woman sighs it means you are an idiot go ahead now when a man says go ahead he's being polite when a woman says go ahead that's a dare yeah and it's true and you have to be very careful with how you proceed because it will most likely be followed by a sigh which will lead to an argument about nothing and then you won't have sex again for at least five minutes men's brains women's brains also affects the way that we listen now women accuse men of having selective listening you know what that is that's when a woman will say something like this honey go to the store lay down the mulch wash and wax the car get the kids at school run some videos and finish the rest of the dishes and then he runs that through his filter and in fact what he hears is but that's not what i'm talking about i don't think it's so much a matter of selective listening as it is and what i point out is the difference between men and women single tasking versus multitasking now these are generalities but they're generalities because they're generally true generally speaking men are single taskers we tend to do one thing at a time and usually in sequential order it actually helps one of the reasons that men can succeed very much in their career in business is because of their ability to focus on one task perfect that task knock out all the distractions he is a single tasker women tend to be multi-taskers and they tickle many things at once and it can be in any order and they have jobs where they can do that even when a woman is at home relaxing she can be watching television talking on the phone and reading a book all at the same time and know where her three children are and what they're doing at any given moment [Applause] whereas a man is just vaguely aware there are some little people walking around now this is reflected physically in how our eyes function some of these correlations are really rather fascinating you see ladies men's eyes are designed like many binoculars perfect for the hunting and the gathering that we've done throughout the ages but like binoculars unless a man's eyes fall right on what he's looking for he cannot see it women's eyes are like wide angle lenses and very prone to picking up details and they notice details everywhere this is why a man can walk into the kitchen open a cupboard and go and you'll notice when he moves his head he moves his head like a lizard because of the binoculars hey where's the salt and she says it's right in front of your face i i can't see it and then she comes over and as if by voodoo magic pulls it out of thin air it's right here [Applause] so this affects the listening what ladies do not understand about men ladies escuchame listen when a man is doing something generally speaking as a single tasker he doesn't hear jack squat if a man is doing something ladies don't be giving him vital information because he is not going to hear you and then you're going to get mad as a hornet because you told him and even if he does tend to listen women are such multitaskers they tend to keep doing whatever they were doing while they talk and it often carries them to other parts of the house i remember watching my wife i'm looking at her she's talking to me and she goes down the hall goes into the room another room upstairs down drives the walmart back whatever and then she says i told you no you didn't yes i did and after the races we go [Music] the woman was convincing me i was going deaf true story and by the way talk to any audience do we have any audiologists in the crowd is there one way better yeah is it not true how many men come to see you because their wives forced them because they think they're deaf they tell me all the time it's very funny it's great for them they keep making money so anyway i go to the audiologist i go to the doctor my regular doctor he says what's the problem i said i think i'm losing my hearing he says well you're getting up there in years you know ears are one of the first things to go i thought well as long as that's one of the first you can laugh it's okay god knows all about it yeah so i go to the doctor he said well go with the nurse and and she'll test your ears so i go to this nurse she gets this whatever piece of instrument when she puts on some cheap headphones on me and says turn around and raise your hands every time you hear to beat raise your hand is it okay so i'm like i turn around she says you could hear all that i said yeah she said this thing must be broken you can hear what cats and dogs can hear she says i'm going to send you to the specialist where they have the real special equipment i go to the specialist actually the name of the place was eye and ear associates the nurse calls the doc eye and ear associates that was in green bay who just moved there never heard of him before she says they got an opening for you right away great so she takes a doctor's pattern and write downs eye ear and abbreviates associates hands it to me i said uh what kind of doctor is this she said why do you ask i said i've heard of eye ear and throat i've never heard of this combination just let me see that oh i'm so sorry associates okay that's going to be in for a very uncomfortable test there for a minute so i go to the next place perfect hearing i come home i always say yes don't pay attention but i've been paying attention and i've been watching her walking all over the place a lot of times women say they communicate but all they do is that they said something just because you said it doesn't mean he heard it particularly if you're wandering aimlessly throughout the house i shared the story at a men's conference and all these events are going at the break i had all kinds of guys come up to me man pastor you know what you're talking about my wife will be kneeling in front of the dryer talking to me and stick her head in the dryer better pay attention you'll be in big trouble if you don't forget the suspicion and i mean it what another guy comes up to me you know pastor i'll be in the toilet the door is closed the fan is and she's still talking to me oh you know what i forgot to tell you this idea that men can't see things the first christmas the blonde and i are together she decides she wants to buy me a special gift because i've always wanted to have a pinball machine not not a video game i'm talking about the big yo mama i used to have in the arcades so she finds one totally restored and they're big and she has it delivered to the house and they stick it in a corner and throw blankets on it for two weeks i never saw it i walk past it multiple times a day every couple of days you say look at me what you know what you're getting for christmas don't you how could i know how could i possibly know what you're giving me she says not possible said woman you're crazy so christmas morning was the big reveal she videotaped it and you have not seen that mark look at me look at me have you not seen this you were blocked by this thing every day multiple times how did you get this down here i didn't it's we got here when we're in vegas and you would not you have not noticed this big thing how could you not notice this i have issues clearly i have issues mark how can you not notice this [Music] i'm serious i thought you'd notice this this is get out of your mind [Music] apparently i have issues give these two a hand thank you very very much bless you darling thank you look if you can start to understand why people do what they do it changes everything even though it doesn't change a single thing it is fascinating oftentimes i'll do a conference and women say oh i can't wait till you change my husband i'm not trying to change your husband i'm trying to get you to understand your husband people that understand it i know a lot of you are doing this book laugh your way to a better marriage the entire book i show in great detail the differences between men and women i show you the studies that back you up i show you the scriptures that back it up and while every relationship book in the world has a chapter on sex i have six it's all i said well password what if i don't agree with what you're saying then you're like my wife i don't care i'm not that insecure i'm not trying to force anybody to agree with anything at a minimum just talk it through what do you think he says about here i think he's great yeah i'm not sure girl i have no problem with that at all but you know what it gets you doing talking to each other if this isn't the way you think explain how you do think and communication starts to come and the bitterness and anger starts to subside and you realize he doesn't hate you he's just different than you but men are not women they're just not get over it we'll be fine say but i want to chat we don't like to chat please don't make us chat i don't want to chat what do i do get some girlfriends then you can spend all day chatting chatter away but one of the things we have to do is we have to stop creating unrealistic expectations and i have to tell you the church has been very bad about this for many decades we are trying to help but oftentimes create more problems than we are helping we overdo it we create such this idealistic nirvana's type state in marriage no it's not that way it's not heaven and and and you're not married forever by the way because oh we're married for return no jesus said there's no marriage in heaven it's one of the reasons they call it heaven look i'm a big fan i just signed up for round two but this is in heaven relax a little bit and stop with the the perfect analogies and all this stuff and here's how how many of you know the bible says a man should be the spiritual leader of the home oh yeah yeah that's wrong it's wrong some of you shocked right now hearing that do you know the bible never says that you finally where the bible says the man is the spiritual leader who's supposed to be more spiritual and pastor marco will give you a check for ten thousand dollars i had one lady come up here i have it right here i get ten thousand dollars oh yeah let me see it said the man is the head i said where does it say he's supposed to be more spiritual she goes stop don't say smoke who is or who is not more spiritual you don't control that i know women get mad and criticize their husbands because they're not more spiritual and here's the absurd thing the minute you criticize someone else for not being as spiritual as you you are no longer spiritual [Applause] well that's what i thought i know because you listen to too many christian radio programs stop reading all these books and by the way when somebody says the bible says something go and read it for yourselves i don't care who you are some of you gonna be checking me out what did he say i can't fight stop passer hazard my husband's not handling the final he doesn't want to handle the finances he's not being the man who says a man supposed to handle the finances look if you can handle money and your husband can't you know add maybe you should do it but he's ahead he's the head what does that mean it means he's responsible at the end of the day you know who's the head of this country right now the president united states all right now whether him or the one before or all those before them the president is always the dumbest man in the room who do you think knows more about military matters when he walks in the room the president or his military advisors military advisers you don't hear them saying well i think it's inappropriate he's supposed to be the head how am i no more about it than he does who do you think knows more about financial situations his financial advisors are the president the president's always the dumbest guy it's true he doesn't know nearly as much as the people who are advising him but at the end of the day who's responsible the president you see the military i ain't going to that mean he should he's going to he's a person he should know the military matters stop this just enjoy each other they say my husband's not perfect look in the mirror oh and the latest one that just irritates just fries my puerto rican pancakes i don't even know what that means intimacy couples should reach for sp now i've been serving god for 50 years i've traveled all over the world every version of preaching prophesying teaching i've done smuggled bibles in a communist country at risk of being thrown into jail and i have no idea what they're talking about let me spiritual intimacy what does that even mean oh yeah let's add something else so you can be more upset apparently emotional and sexual intimacy is so easy let's add spiritual these guys need to stop it you know what marriage is it's putting up with each other it's cleaning the toilet paying the bills going to church raising your kids so they're not possessed of the devil they say well i'm not happy like i think i should be happy maybe your thinking's off you know i've been folk you know focus on the family great organization you know they're one of these they tend to over spiritualize things i was being interviewed by this lady said pastor don't you believe men should meet all the spirit all the emotional needs of their wives i said no she went what and she was mortified because they're giving me the standard line right i'm supposed to say yes i said are you crazy there's not a man on the world designed to meet all the emotional needs of a woman and you tell him that and then the poor guy is sitting there she sticks a straw in his brain and starts to suck the life out of him talk to me talk to me stop and you single girls if you're miserable stay [Applause] single a minute 30 over forgive me of my transgressions but i can't leave this one alone you think a man is going to make you happy he's going to try your patience to the edge of eternity [Applause] you know what makes a great marriage to people who are already happy if you need someone else to make you happy stay single [Applause] and this is why singles don't invite me to speak at their groups they don't they don't like me at all seriously married people get it i feel your pain single people they're just quit smoking that stuff [Applause] like i gotta stop right i gotta stop i can i gotta stop i don't wanna stop because i got another hour i could go on this subject alone you

Channel: The Way World Outreach

Views: 16,103

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Keywords: Jesus Christ, Christian Church, Southern California Churches, Online Ministry, The Way World Outreach

Id: ZMQL_y5-7AA

Length: 43min 21sec (2601 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 26 2021