Date Night with Mark Gungor 11.03.2018

well hello how you doing like my bowtie very dapper good to be here I'm exhausted but gonna be here nonetheless and hope that we have some fun sharing things about relationships that'll be helpful to you I'm gonna be speaking to you from two books that I've written one is entitled treat him like a dog and the other one's the title treat her like a truck and we'll try to explain it as we go along also I got a couple of scriptures I want to share with you that I think will be helpful and so let's start right off with the scriptures I've got I found one of the best relationship scriptures ever that most people are not aware our relationship scriptures here goes this is back in Genesis after God had to sent a flood to destroy all the people caused her so bad and after all this happens he says whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every time never again will the water has become a flood to destroy all life whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all of the creatures of every kind on the earth what kind of relationship scripture is that think about a little bit God set a rainbow in the sky to remind who yeah you're all wrong read it again who is he trying to remind himself haha isn't it fascinating we hear stories so often from the scriptures and oftentimes very simplistic versions of it from children's things where we constantly repeat the wrong thing enough that we think it becomes fact you can look at this very verse where I just read to you twice where God says I'm doing this to remind me and I ask you who's he trying to remind and we all say us he's not trying to remind us and here's the fascinating thing about it is the first I forget six seven times that the word remind is used in the Bible it is God talking about reminding himself now doesn't that seem rather odd now sometimes people think well does that mean God has Alzheimer's no he doesn't have Alzheimer's it's just that it is part of God's nature to take what is already in here and bring it to the front that's what it is to be reminded something that's in there but you got to bring it to the front to remind what if the what if the reason we need to be reminded so often about things is not a fault so we often think it's a fault sometimes we think we have to remind each other's couples and we think either the guy is an idiot you can't remember anything or you know there's something wrong or she's nagging or what if the need to be reminded is not a weakness but a family trait we are made in the image of God and if God needs to be reminded and I know something still processing that if God needs from being reminded don't you think it makes sense that we too need to be reminded in fact as you read through the Old Testament it's fascinating how many times the Lord will speak and say you know I'll and then I remembered my covenant with the people or the people would pray it say O Lord God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob remember your covenant with us in fact even as Christians in the New Testament were praying one of the great way to praise to pray the Scriptures offer up the scriptures to remind god of his promises it's what it is alright so is this is a normal thing it's not because God's brain isn't working is this what you're doing is you're taking what's there they got had and you're bringing it to the forefront Lord bring this concern to the front remember your promises remember your commitment to me O Lord your promises to me your commitment to us and this is how even how we should pray so now you know something's wrong when you go to where you have stuff stored and you open the drawer and there's nothing there that means you got a problem that you can't remember that's concerning that can be a little scary why am I saying all this because oftentimes couples get so mad at each other that they have to remind each other about things why do I always have to remind him why you're writing me why you're than you and I'll tell you what the couples who get along the best I want you think about this and and and watch for it over the next month or so as you observe people watch how the couples who get along so great are constantly reminding each other they're always reminding each other and they do it in a sweet way and then a fun way it's the couples who don't get along they resent having to remind each other and they resent having to be reminded these are the people who struggle in relationships we need to actually embrace something if you want something from someone you need to remind them and here's the thing you'll probably need to remind them forever it is what it is if you're the kind of person when you come in the house and one of your things is you tell your wife when I come in the house I want a kiss okay now the couples who get along great if he walks in the house and she's busy the first thing he'll go hey where's my kiss right and then oh yeah yeah the couples who don't get along don't say anything and he walks in and she didn't kiss me and I had a reminder 10 times and she still doesn't know she hates me I doubt she hates me I get all this nasty stuff don't let that stuff eat at you whatever you need from each other you're going to constantly need to remind each other is this making any sense to anybody all right you're a whole marriage you're gonna constantly remind each other so why is that because we're made in the likeness and image of God and if God needs to be reminded I'm pretty sure you fall in the same category and it doesn't mean that anybody hates you or whatever it what's important to you needs to be brought to the forefront all the time because you're married to someone who's not you have you noticed this you don't share the even the most compatible couples don't share all the same thoughts they don't share all the same priorities they're going to forget things that are important to you and it doesn't mean they don't love you it just means they do what people do which is let everything else flood their minds and they forget so I just want to encourage you as you got growing your relationships get really comfortable with reminding each other all right and you men I know you hate being reminded quit nagging me women quittin eggs she's not nagging you she's reminding you all right and put it in nice terms and you'll find you'll get along with each other a lot better and it'll be frustrating you know you'll have it I was telling a group this morning you know that they gets women particularly gets so angry because they have to constantly reminding men you know is it pastor why do I have to keep reminding him why do I have to keep pointing out the same thing over and over and over again and I always say because he's still breathing hang in there he's got to go eventually alright so I want to talk about some very basic things that are in a sense reminding you about some of the things you might already know but it's good to bring these things to the forefront Peter in his epistle said you know I know you know these things already but it's good for me to remind you see that's why we read the scriptures you don't just read the Bible one time ago all right that's a wrap I'm done all right now I do that with other books I generally don't take a book and read the same book over and over again but with the scriptures ah no matter how many times I've read those scriptures I keep reading them why I need to be reminded always embrace the need for reminding and being reminded all right so our next slide here this is the cover of the book for women and then we'll we'll talk about the book about men for men but this one's called treat him like a dog now this sounds like an insult in fact every chapter in this book sounds like an insult but they're not designed to be insults there are really keys on how to succeed with a man you want to succeed with a man you need to remember these things and practice these things so let's take a look at chapter 1 treat him like a dog now oh by the way unfortunately we don't have these books with us because it's a pain to bring books into this country and they give us all kinds of grief with customs and stuff you can however go to my website mark Ganga comm and download the eBook version to these books very easily or or meeting with a publisher hopefully in South Africa here that eventually published all these books that would be the best deal and I apologize for my voice selling so weak I'm getting over a cold nothing more exciting than having a cold when you have to talk to hundreds of people and we all know that when a man gets a cold that's a near-death experience nothing worse than the man cold I'm dying yeah although in our defense and who knows that this is really true at all I read a study that said according to the study men actually do suffer more from colds and flus than women and all the women regard yeah I get it be kind I'm wounded with my cold here okay treat like a dog what does that mean that's that's an insult no it's not how do you treat a dog you walk in the door see and you change your voice and you talk to the puppy and you reassure the puppy and you pick up the puppy and you are the puppy and you pet the puppy and you don't remind the dog of his failures [Applause] it's stupid dog you pooped all over the floor yesterday no we don't do that to dogs why that's ancient history man there's not a guy in here who's not thinking right now I wish I was a dog man a little kindness as soon as you see the animal you change your voice you do it intentionally you're being kind to the animal all right now you need to be kind to your other animal which is your husband all right and be nice to him and say reassuring things to him you know men struggle a lot limit women don't really understand men have extremely fragile egos they really do the truth is and I was reading some studies on this that do you know that most men are always haunted by a voice in their head that says you're a failure that they just haven't figured out you don't know that you don't know what you're doing yet it's just a matter of time before they discover you don't really know what you're doing and get yourself in trouble there's these self doubts and stuff one of the wonderful things about home is it should be an environment where the self doubts are calmed every man circles with this and that should be why you need to try and encourage him and make home a place where those doubts are calmed instead of exaggerated instead of pointing out the failures and the shark that I get it we all have stuff we have to talk to each other about that we don't want to talk to and the whole reminding thing I understand but let there be an attitude of basic just kindness where this is a safe place okay where you try to remind him that he is valuable and important and one of the most encouraging things a woman can do to a man is to passionately make love to him hallelujah now when I say passionately that means as opposed to laying there and Counting ceiling tiles are you done yet I mean that's not exactly what he needs to hear the whole relationship between a man and a wife if you do this right is to erase the doubts erase the slate make things comfortable for him so that he can go out again the next day and make a big difference in your collective lives so treat it like a dog our next chapter treat him like your employee or now pastor that's insulting you should never treat a man like an employee and I just relax it's a good thing how do you treat your employees if you're responsible for people in an office setting when you come in what do you do you make it very clear what you expect from them every day you don't walk into the office and your employees say what do you want us to do today and you go if I have to repeat it it's not even worth saying they will call the nuthouse and drag you away all right you're clear with what you want from them you're clear with what you expect from them you don't just walk around well you might it's hard not to think sometimes how come they can't see it but that's why you're in the position that you are to again remind them of what needs to be done it's not about tearing them down and humiliating them it's about being very clear and inspiring them to do these things all right what's the next chapter treated like a cab driver now I don't know if you've ever written any GABA cuz have cabs right here yeah but when you get in a cab what you do is you get in you tell them where you want to go and then you shut up if you are constantly reminding them don't go that fast put on your blinker go this way don't go that way he will stop and throw you out of that cab and then you're gonna walk yourself home alright the reason I encourage is because a lot of women god bless their hearts they they want to micromanage everything and it's not that he enough for him to do it he has to do it exactly the way you want him to do it and this rarely ends very well cuz usually the way it ends is she gets man says well I'll just do it myself and then she gets mad because she has to do everything herself and she gets so mad about having to do everything yourself she gets the divorce and now she gets to do everything herself I was the point of that now you're doing it with less money alright do you know what women in this room have men who cooked for them the women who never criticizes how he cooks you know women in this room right now have men who clean for them and do laundry and different things otherwise who never criticize how they do it criticism is not a motivator for a man it's just not you know women maybe it is for you guys that don't seem to bother you as much I don't know what the deal is I think if you felt criticized you would try to change and do something about it well men don't think of those if you criticize us in a certain way and make us feel like a loser in a certain area we yield I won't do it I don't want to do it I don't want to be in an area where I'm constantly reminded that I failed all right reminds me a few years ago eyes out what coming to work got home late and I walked in and I said to my eyes hey baby can you make me something to eat and she said make it yourself but she wouldn't hear it so then I gotta make it myself now I only know how to make toast and eggs so I thought I'll make some eggs so I got the pan out here I mean start cooking the eggs three seconds she's over my shoulders going well don't use that pan when I turn it up so high don't flip it did you do it alright now when you're in this constant mode of stressing out about things it's not good for you I try to encourage these ladies everywhere I go relax don't be so tense about everything other do you know that women have way more health problems than men it's true the vast majority of them doctors say comes from stress ironically you live longer I had one man say to me says pastor I know why men died earlier I said why is that Jesus we want to you can either let your children and your husband assist you with certain areas of life or you can do everything yourself you know that's really your choice everything doesn't always have to be absolutely perfectly done in a certain way some of you are absolutely perfectionist and I get it drives you crazy but really you need to lighten up a bit and let people let the family do things together everybody pull their weight without all the without all the stressing now I know that as pastors or not to encourage things like drunkenness but I tell the women in my church you're not supposed to get drunk but some of y'all could use a little you know once in a while just to take your edge off you know just relax what's stressing out about everything you want them to drive the count count cab let him drive the cab show the same respect to your husband that you would to a cab driver what's our next one treat him like a child ooh that's so disrespectful no it's not how do you treat a child the child can do no wrong no matter what he does he's still my baby I love I mean the kid could be an ax murderer and he's still my baby I love my baby by the way it's usually women who visit their criminal sons in prison it's true the fathers I but never the moms why cuz the moms never give up he's your baby he could draw the most hideous looking picture ever and you stick it up on the wall to your husband it looks like a nightmare from Elm Street yeah but you're always celebrating always encouraging always trying to get the best side which is great women have a great way of encouraging their children because they never ever give up on their children my mother was great like that and my parents were crazy they both are nuts man they're not here anymore I pretty sure she's in heaven terrorizing everyone right now is it but one thing my mother was always an encourage or she always told us you can do anything cuz you're a Ganga and we go yeah we're gonners and I think I was at least thirty-five before it dawned on me that doesn't mean anything but you know what no matter how hard I struggled in life I've always been haunted by the voice of my mother say get up you can do anything as you're younger yeah I still don't know what it means but it's encouraging you know a lot of people are haunted because all they ever hear our voice is that total they were nothing you're worth nothing you're a failure you'll never be anything my mom's generally don't do that to their children sadly they freely do it to their husbands and very quick to point out their faults and the short comings and one of the reasons quite frankly is they don't share the same level of commitment to their husbands that they do to their children if you think in the back your head this man is replaceable and well I get somebody else I know but it's just that's a bad way to be thinking you see if you really think in terms of this is my guy for life this is how we're supposed to think and then you stay committed to him no matter what and you encourage him and when he fails you kiss his boo-boos and you help him get back up again and when he draws ugly pictures or whatever he does you point out what a nice picture it is this again this encouraging this is what should draw a man to his home one of the reasons and and it's just I can't say this for everybody cuz some people have jobs that you got to work just ridiculous hours even pastor's doing something but one of the reasons why some men don't go home is they don't want to they would rather stay at work where people respect them they would rather stay at work or someone's encouraging them someone's lifting them up you know don't don't fall into that trap you need to make your home a place of safety it'll be great you could learn to treat him like a child is my voice is slowly fading away here so sorry next one treat him like a stranger do you know where the nicest of people we don't know if I were to introduce myself to you for the first time you'd be really nice to me hi how are you good to see you Lila Lila now I could be an axe murderer I could have 12 people buried in my backyard and looking at you as number 13 and you'll be sweet a spy to me do you know why we're so nice the strangers we have no history there's no record of wrongs now the Bible says love does not keep a record of wrongs sadly a lot of people keep very detailed records of wrongs some of you can remember every little rotten thing that's ever happened to you since the womb this is not Al fault I remember on January 23rd 2003 the wind was coming out of the south about two knots per hour and you said I was fat you know keep short records with people don't remember all their crazy let stuff go just let it go keep short records that's that's why the Bible says don't let the Sun go down while you are still angry you see that's that's why I like to get mad at night gives me 24 hours to be angry I can enjoy a little bit of it for a while but no matter how frustrating says your aunt we can truly irritate each other keep a short record of stuff you know but a lot of it a lot of people man that ever every pass offense is always coming out of the grave to them all the time like I remember Michael Jackson's Thriller dude every time trailers o goblin comes out of the ground that's the way a lot of people have no lives oh there's that first thing I remember he said something bad to me and he said I was fat and so just stop what a horrible way to live keep short records don't try to remember I'll treat him just like you would a stranger and then the next one and by the way I'm gonna ask you to ask some questions in a second here so I don't have to talk so much the next one is push the button it's there there it is here's the bonus chapter in the book do not treat him like your girlfriend men make terrible girlfriends we do horrible horrible girlfriends and one of the reasons that women are so angry at man is because they're not women and we don't think like women and we don't respond like women we don't want to listen like women now of course women accuse men of not listening but in all fairness to the men when women tend to tell what happened they don't just say what happened they tend to relive the event in excruciating ly painful detail in fact it often takes them longer to tell you what happened then it did for you to happen in the first place so women say well what do i do pastor he doesn't want to listen get get some girlfriends get seriously find some other women and you guys can spend all afternoon discussing a five minute event and you'll love it every one of you can cry and hug each other and leave fabulous just don't expect him to respond and think like a woman women are sensitive by nature they're caring by nature they're inquisitive by nature like to ask lots of questions so you can drag out the five minute event even longer men generally we just don't do those things and it's it's not that we're evil it's just that we're men and I understand that we need to do our best to engage the girl you do need to talk to your wife you just can't ignore her all right a lot of guys you never talk to the girl you need to talk to her you can't just ignore her that's why some of your sex lives are so awful you guys you get up in the morning you ignore you go to work you ignore you come home you ignore you watch the TV for three hours ignore then you climb into bed say come on baby let's get it on is that gonna happen you're going to have to engage with the woman at some point but as much I just remember what he is engaging with you it's a little painful it is it kind of hurts because men generally don't do that you don't men do when we hang out we usually discuss nothing and we enjoy it right we go do something say and and the wife say well how was Gary okay what'd you talk about nothing well how could you be there for two hours and not say anything that's what we like seriously one of my best friends was and he became an instant friend I was in Australia and I was just telling Deana stand up Deana everybody look at Deana pretty Deana wave of the crowd so I was just telling Deana that uh oftentimes when you travel people tend to talk you to death because they want to hear from you right and it is what it is you just got a second up but I said the worst is Australia because they don't just chat they grill you it's like every encounter with a pastor is like a job interview you know what do you think about this what do you think about that what's your favorite movie what's your favorite book what's your favorite this and I'm thinking stop but you got a smile you know you got to do it so anyway I got this one pastor to take me downtown was like a 45-minute trip whatever it was a real tough guy real nice guy he said he does triathlons and things in order why anybody would do that I have no idea I ain't running if nobody's chasing me man I'm down right now yeah so he get in the car and we're driving him 1050 minutes goes by he doesn't say a word to me 25 minutes goes by he doesn't say off the thing about 40 minutes into the trip we're almost there he hasn't said a single word and I looked at him and said I really like you man we became good friends ever since why he didn't say anything you know it's just different than the female world again you can't just do that to your wife you need to step it up you need to connect these are talking you do all these things but no matter how hard he tries ladies he will never be your favorite girlfriend he just won't I know you need you all these connections stuff what you really need to do is find a nice girl that you can talk to without being competitive with by the way all the time all right anybody have any questions about that stuff so far any questions about anything my voice isn't working so I'll stay there for 20 minutes I don't care you know questions about anything about relationships a woman says yeah but what about this sir what about that or what if you feel this way seriously oh come on the last time I was here we had a blast doing this I got grilled by all kinds of people it was highly entertaining you've had somebody there we go thank you I just want to find out because now you mentioned how we mustn't be nagging how do you now effectively communicate something that grinds you for instance you made an example about don't tell him flick the indicates how Ernie's driving but at the same time I don't want to die I mean that's not dramatic at all no no so how do you effectively communicate then when there's stuff that that is endangering your life basically because he was visiting mmm you can't tell me how to drive but at the same time I really don't want to die and there's plenty other stuff like that how can I wait a minute wait a minute yeah that's what I remember from last time that's awesome what do you mean you're going to die when is driving you're not necessarily bad driving but there's a wait a minute I've driven in this country everybody drives bad they don't use their turn signals either and stoplights which you call robots which I have no idea why you know the first time when I came here for two days I kept looking for the robots and mechanical men by the side of the road we're other robots they keep turning at their robots so most of the robots are kind of general suggestions I've driven with some of y'all that red light just zoom right through okay I guess that one didn't count today I don't know it so you actually feel endangered for your life you do really seriously and that's his fault Oh who's who's the husband over here [Laughter] these questions are just theoretical of course do you drive like a crazy man you do all right you ever get an accident how old are you 29 so for 29 years you haven't killed anybody yet I don't want to be the first you ever ride in a cab sorry I'm asking have you ever written in a cab yeah I have do they do everything is supposed to do there was one particular one who didn't but I asked him to calm down you asked him to calm down because he was just speeding and overtaking cause and I felt my life was in danger oh did he calm down yeah he did he did get mad about it no all right so you're a nice lady you can ask things in a nice way actually I wasn't a cab once here you guys never see those video games like Grand Prix racing man it was just like that this guy was driving like a bat out of hell I mean God my wife the whole time and I we wouldn't look forward we just had our heads about Oh Lord Jesus every time you look I'm out oh thank you God thank you God so I can do you drive yes yeah deceit not let you drive no he lets me okay so if he drives and you're gonna die and you driving you're not gonna die why don't you drive you said your life is in danger I'm pretty sure if your life is in danger you're gonna wake up ah just face it you don't like the way he drives that's fine you can encourage him does it bother you when she says that stuff to you yeah I would just say you know woman let me drive yes or you can drive I don't know it's fine he doesn't want to drive do you don't want to die you do you know nobody wants to die you know I mean I fly airplanes and people always say when I'm flying an airplane you don't make make sure you're paying attention up there oh I'm paying attention I don't want to plunge to death from 28,000 feet you know itís it's a high motivator but people do things differently I mean I don't know what else to tell you be as nice as you can start out nicely do a reward system now say hey baby you get me to where I need to go without scaring me and I'll have a surprise for you later and see what he does but literally I mean if you're really that terrified I would and he doesn't mind I just drive yourself it's fine so I shouldn't have to I mean everybody always says that right I shouldn't have to sometimes you have to it'll be fine anybody else that was great by the way so mark I just to work on this this this what he took this reward thing yeah so so we could technically use it to our advantage yes I want to be driving so badly from the horn by the way I know it drives me crazy but men are motivated by rewards it's kind of like treating him like a dog the way you get dogs to do things is you what do you do if he does the right thing you can retreat it's true he gets a because guys liked it the reason why men go to work is cuz they pass believe it or not if they didn't pay us we ain't going you know everything we do has some kind of a reward tied to it it's kind of the world of men so that usually you can either yell and scream at him see how that works for you or try little cute things anybody else okay let's take a break after this good evening mark evening we've been engaged for two years clearly we have never met how long have you been dating two and a half years and you've been engaged for two and a half years Courtney that right was her decision she wants to be engaged for three to four years before why I just I feel that we still quite young not quite what we still quite young I'm 25 and he's 26 Oh for the love of Pete clearly you've never heard me speak on this subject before and it's okay I got married at 18 people say why did you get married at 18 cuz it was against the law at 17 [Applause] you know and and and and and and not just to pick on you but it's all it's the culture it's the culture you guys live in all you guys at your age for some reason think you need to wait wait wait wait as if in your 20s is is too young and I'm just telling you it's it's just patently absurd is you're not too young do you know how old the illusions think the Virgin Mary was when she gave birth to Jesus 14 for thousands of years of human history people went very early now for some reason y'all are waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and I don't understand why I mean if you love each other just get married unless he irritates you constantly I can see why you'd want to delay but if you want to be together even asked me your question yeah but I'm just saying don't do it seriously you're a whole generation it's making your guys are making it a terrible mistake you really are and it's not just you I get it it's the whole generation and I've never seen it worse than in South Africa people you guys have married very late and I'm not sure why what what the thinking is but one of the main problems that couples like you have is sometimes having children because you wait so long you wait and you wait you wait your body doesn't care that you want to wait at some point it gets really hard and I have a couple said well we need money so they wait for money money money money money money money money they finally get married by the time they're 30 to have the first kids try to have the first kids by 35 they can't now so they spent all the money they have trying to get pregnant what was the win here I don't understand you know it doesn't make any sense so anyway what was your question I never got it it's just it really frustrates me I'm not trying to be mean but there's no reason in the world to drag things out that long and the truth is that are you guys Christians or you just I'm Christian she's Buddhist she's what she's purchased I'm Christian she's Buddhist okay yeah so yeah different value system you want to do this thing right you know you need to do it right and if you delay you're gonna be doing things you shouldn't be doing quite frankly unless you're made of steel so lots of reasons but anyway okay so you had a reason you're dating for two and a half years and your question is so we moved in together then we started having problems with finances she's really if the old belief that the man must pay for everything and I'm off the new belief I don't mind paying for more than the lady but I can't afford to pay for everything because everything skyrocketing and she believes I'm not a proper man if I don't pay for everything and I'm not a provider so I just wanted to ask you about your with you yeah really I I'm glad you guys came I you know I really I really am I'm glad and I obviously don't think the way you think and don't agree with us you know but the promise you're just you're playing house and you're trying to be serious while you're playing house and it's just when you do marriage it doesn't become my money and your money anymore it becomes our money somebody say Amen see you know you need to pay for this and you need to pay for that you know no no not if you're really going to be together when you marry which apparently you're waiting for the moon to turn different colors before you do that and then you're you're in a state of it's you're just in a bizarre state there's no rules for what you're doing it does just make it sense you're trying to shack up you're trying to do life you're acting like a married couple but you're not a married couple there's not an answer for you you just that's why you don't do these things ideally because everything is about competition and who's doing what who's sure once you're married it's our money it's our life we do everything together that's the power of marriage all right and I always encourage men generally let the girl win why men just don't let girls women understand we have some of the stupidest argue about money about this and that and I would still guys just let her win I don't want to let her win why not just let her what do you care guys get mad with she moves the chair and I don't want that chair move let her win people say why do you let her win cuz I want to get laid [Music] [Applause] I do I'm a big fan of that and if you're ticking her off my chances of getting laid diminishes dramatically why meant just I don't understand man why you guys argue about stuff honestly who cares let the girl win there's a saying happy wife happy life okay the challenge you guys have is your kind of husband and wife but you're not and then the rules don't work and it's all kind of jacked up so anyway thanks for that question though are you take a break yeah all right so thanks more give me your marker round of applause [Applause] continuing now I want to talk about this book again you can get these books online download it very simply and we're hoping that we'll be able to get these books in the country eventually but it's a fun little book there's a lot of stuff I'm just giving you a little highlights from each chapter and there's other chapters I'm just skipping over a lot of them for example one of the chapters in the dog wouldn't is treat him like a gynecologist and I thought thought I'd skip that for tonight so anyway so let's look at the next book this next book is called treat her like a truck so you go to the next slide it's the guys working on the truck now here's the thing about guys and trucks we tend to take care of them you know if you feel a weird shimmy in the in the steering world you get it checked out right away if a red light goes off you check out see what's what's going on if you know smoke sport the engine you investigate what's going on right you're always checking you're careful because of the investment that you got in this truck and some of us have old trucks I Drive a really old truck or rusty GMC pickup truck and I'm gonna this guy I know a lot of you like really new vehicles you guys in this country everybody drives a nice car they really do it's very impressive all the BMWs and stuff like that I Drive a piece of junk it doesn't start right right I finally got us a start again so I'm good yeah so I said why do you do that because I'd rather spend money on other stupid things so anyway the thing about truck since somebody you take care of them now here's the problem with a lot of guys when it comes to their marriages they don't pay attention they don't pay attention in fact it's not dramatic it is if a woman comes to me and tells me that her marriage is in trouble 80 percent of the time at least 80 percent of the time can totally save the marriage whenever a man comes to me and says his marriage is in trouble in all the years I've been doing this I don't think one time we've been able to save it the reason is is because by the time a man finally says something it's too late he doesn't pay attention that would be like driving your truck every red light is on smoke pouring out of the oils burning through the you know before you finally take it to the mechanic well if I can say well you're it's toast I can't do anything now don't be like that pay attention okay don't just get in your own little world or don't bother me it was because at some point if he gets out of control you're not gonna be able to save anything pay attention treat her like your truck next chapter treat her like a sports car now here's the thing about sports cards they like to advertise the sports cars and they show you the great footage of driving the sports car and they want you to come in and take a test drive and stuff you know the reason advertisers spend the money they have is they know something you don't which is this that desire follows attention if you will pay attention to something you'll start to desire it well a lot of the reasons that a lot of men lose the passion and desire for their wives is for no other reason than you quit paying attention to her you don't look at her anymore you don't acknowledge her anymore you do that I'm telling you your hearts gonna grow cold and then you're gonna start thinking about things you shouldn't be thinking about bad choices and stuff you want to put some fire back into your marriage watch the girl look at the girl now that doesn't mean stare at her it'll creep her out she'll smack you but uh but when she's not looking watcher watches when she goes around the house watch the way her hair falls on their shoulders watch how the light moves across her cheeks and her nose I promise you something will start to stir inside of you again it's called desire because it's a law just like there's a law of gravity I step off this platform I'm going down I love dealing with laws because laws are bigger than us you know sometimes they're things that to make things happen you've got to be really spiritual or really smart and stuff like that well the thing about laws is they just work all the time that's why the law of gravity works whether you're smart or not whether you prayed all day today or not whether you read the Bible say or not it's a law just works well there's relational laws and I like to hang on to those because it surpasses what I do and one of the laws is if you will pay attention to that woman in your life you will start to desire her so things are getting a little cold in your heart towards her and you throughout cuz she does he does matter no no pay attention to the girl keep your attention to her because the more you pay attention the more you will desire it it's something that advertisers from sports cars everything else under the Sun they all know get them to pay attention and they'll want it it's the way it works so treat it like a sports car next one truly like a television another thing with televisions is what I like to watch television I hate distractions you know like people who keep talking during the movie you know maybe something just irritates me you know shut up I'm trying to watch you move I have a my son-in-law Ross he drives me crazy because he never shuts up and if I watching a movie he's discussing things shut up I don't want to hear this and he can't stop he's like he's possessed and then I forget Ross shut up then he'll sit next to me no goodness will you stop it I'm not talking I know but you're wiggling your fun is that all this nervous energy oh just so distracting so what do you do with your television you give it your undivided attention when you are talking to your wife she's trying to talk to you give her your undivided attention now in all fairness if you're talking all the time that can get a little old alright so give it to him in short bursts as much as you can because you know they can only handle so much but pay attention and and here's the rule ladies generally speaking if a man is not looking at you when you're talking he ain't listening to you alright and you guys know this as well when she's talking she tries to look at the girl pay attention to you like you're Jesus alright then you'll be able to get more information you'll be able to collect more it'll be better and it's just a polite thing to do again if you're constantly talking that'll be very hard for them and then women say but I want to talk that's where I say get a girlfriend talk till you drop and then you'll be fine so give her your full undivided attention just like you are when you're watching television next chapter actually I feel we're skipping chapters just treat it like a teammate now here's the thing about teammates they don't all do the same things ok now I don't know much about your sports over here I certainly don't understand cricket it's like a slow death to me I don't understand it's like watching an entire crowd of people slip into a coma I'm not sure I don't so I don't understand any of the rules I have no analogy there I don't understand soccer we should call football I don't get it when you play for all that time and zero zero it's like what was the point of that I don't understand it with cero cero it like so anyway rugby I like rugby because they're all beating the snot out of each other it's highly uncertain I'm going to rugby gigs I don't understand the scrum though I've had people explain it to me all the time and I don't get it it just sounds like it hurts I don't know what the point is so my only analogy is American sports okay like American football so now football you've got the quarterback you've got the linemen you got it you know everybody does something differently you don't all have to do the same thing and in fact it is the insistence of everyone doing the same thing where things get out of trouble or you get confusing like the sweet couple that we're just saying they were there living together but they're arguing about watch mine and how much they pay stuff like that you know you know those things get complicated at some point you've got to just be in a hundred percent once you're in a hundred percent then everybody does what they do the best don't try to make everything even there is a study that just came out this week that showed that couples who divide chores equally around the house have the highest divorce rate isn't that amazing cuz a lot of men go with it praise the Lord are you doing Jack you know it's not that it's not that it's just they uh they they think it has to be even all the time there is that be exactly the same I do this much and you contribute that much as you know this it's just a weird way it doesn't work do what you do really well and sometimes you know the church isn't particularly helpful when we talk about marriage you don't we say that you know the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the hall we've all heard that right but ironically the Bible never says that it doesn't say who's supposed to be more spiritual than the other person if you're more spiritual than your husband you yelling at him but be more spiritual isn't gonna help you know who is or who is not spiritual is irrelevant or sometimes they think because he's the man he he should handle the finances pastor because he's he's the man no stop oh you gotta ask yourself as who's better with money for example if you're good with money and your husband can't you know add better that you handle the money right so and this is true with business partnerships business partnerships were people try to do everything exactly the same 50/50 they always fail the best business partnerships is where people do what they do really one of those great at marketing and sales and the other ones great at making the stuff that's it they don't do the same things they're not even trying to do the same things they do what they do best so in your marriage find out what you do well and you do it is it well then I do it always has to do it so what the quarterbacks always the one who throws the ball you know the other ones don't get to suitable because that's not their role all right everybody has their role and everybody does what they do to the best of their ability it's what builds the team someone does their role better it inspires others to do their rose better and the team's perform at a higher level so that's what that's talking about don't don't try to make everything even and everybody has to do the same in any sport again I don't know the names for your different roles and some of your sports but if everybody played the same position like what's a what's a position in soccer a forward you guys that forward huh a striker what the heck is a striker a goalkeeper they call that striking what's a striker goalkeeper all right everybody can't be the goalkeeper cuz then if you do that the score will be zero zero so I don't know I guess yes I'm sorry it just doesn't work for me I don't get it everybody's huddling around the goal there's no ball on the field but we're all being the goalkeeper okay or the striker whatever that means so don't everybody that have to do the same thing don't envy each other when you feel like I always have to do whatever it's just a bad place a lot of reasons that you might do something and sometimes you're just better at it you know my wife my wife by the way died last year I don't know if you all know that breast cancer was very very sad but uh you know we never tried to do everything equally there was something she would never let me do like touch the laundry apparently you can't put red things in with white things then they all turn into pink things I didn't know that you know so she made a very quick decision leave it all up I'll do it you go find something else to do all right so that's teammates all working together they celebrate together they do the best they can they're always trying to improve themselves coz when they prove themselves it helps the team and then of course the most important thing teammates always smack each other on the butts all right don't want to forget that so treat her like a teammate next one is treated like a baseball glove again sorry with the American sports here but uh you guys understand baseball at all okay it's it's like a version of cricket without the coma okay so so so here's the thing about a baseball glove nobody likes no man likes to play with a new baseball glove you don't like it they like the old baseball glove the familiar one the one that's flexible in fact if you buy a man or a woman somewhere play as well a baseball glove the first thing they start to do is beat the snot out of it break it trying to you know put oil in and they want to get it dirty so they want to get it familiar they love they love their gloves these guys will play with the same gloves their entire careers because it's flexible it is familiar and there's great power and an ability in that which is flexible familiar the analogy here is and I say this to men all the time don't don't get caught up in the Hollywood nonsense that you need a new wife that for things to be better you need to find a new woman you know because Hollywood first of all they're all crazy these people and they don't know anything for people who make romantic movies as the dumbest people on earth and these are people who can't stay married for more than a week and a half themselves anyway they always say you gotta have some familiar you got a jacket that well nothing like a one-night stand which is absurd and Hollywood always makes it look so amazing the one-night stand and the music and all oh it was so amazing which is nonsense first time sex with anybody at best is awkward and a little embarrassing and and I tell the girls in my church the young girls I do it on Sunday morning because I'm in charge I tell the young girls do not do not buy into the lie that losing your virginity is a wonderful magical thing that's what they tell them that in these movies the most wonderful night of their life is when they lose their virginity if that is not like that I tell go talk to other women it ain't like that usually the first time was like what was that you know it's a little disappointing to say the least it takes a while to get the hang of it don't sell out for something that's a lie and you men don't always be thinking oh what I really need to do spice up is find somebody new no no no no and the University of Chicago did a big study on on sex and because in America were were perverts but anyway so they wanted to know which women in America had the best sex well they all thought it'd be the single girls right young ones in their 20s and stuff they actually rated at the bottom very bottom what shocked the researchers was the women who reported having the best sex were religious women with three or more children why things get familiar things get flexible see it's the familiar is what is the best part of this it makes it wonderful well well sex gets boring look if sex is boring to you there's something wrong with you okay you're probably over stimulated there are people actually who have too much sex believe it or not and it becomes boring tonight to do something crazy like these idiots this guy in North Carolina I don't think it was a particularly smart guy but he had read somewhere that if you run an electrical current through your body it will increase their orgasm I assume they meant like a low DC current you know first of all if you're going there you're a little nuts alright well this guy even quite grabbed the difference between AC and DC and uh and he he Clips two wires to his wife's nipples which Wow who Clips things to that and and then he plugs it in the wall he kills her instantly yes he felt terrible I don't think they even prosecuted him I think he's just he was an idiot who till we're just trying to have sex and I read somewhere so he's absent people they they they they gotta keep jacking things up well if you're trying to jack things up do something you're too stimulated you know the Bible actually talks about fasting sex it does for a period of time let's just stop if you're the poor is boring to you just back off for a while things will come wrong back to life but I've never understood this I'm bored with sex thing you know I've been bored I've been in church and been bored out of my ever-loving mind I've been at church listening to the preacher and so bored and I was the preacher you know that's that's that's the bad side when you can't stand what you're saying that's a horrible side all right but you don't need to be dragging somebody new in it is not an answer nothing beats even the studies show it nothing beats the familiar it's the one for then these stupid idiots in Hollywood you know they promote these one-night stands and say well of course God wear a condom condom anybody who uses the word great sex and condom in the same sentence he's an idiot really sex with a condom is like trying to eat an ice cream cone with a sock on your tongue amen I mean this is your version of great sex so that's what they think is great sex wrapping cellophane around themselves and climbing in bed with some stranger you don't even know their name I'm telling you it's a lie don't listen to that lie cherish the familiar somebody say Amen all right next one treat her like your job I use something with a job whenever you go to get a job we always act like we are the best person on earth for this job right everybody sells themselves you think I really be confident you know I'm the I'm your person hi I'm the man for this job so he gets the job and then the bad news is now you have to actually do something and you have to perform so a lot of guys they're great at the dating part of the relationship and selling themselves as something really special for the girl but at some point you got to perform and you got to start being the guy you promise to be so just don't sell yourself as something wonderful and then ignore her after you get married it happens a lot you know a lot of guys when they say I do they think it means I'm done and they stop and it makes things worse you have to keep performing just like your job you quit performing at your job you're gonna get fired you'll get dismissed it's the way it is same thing in your marriage you can't just ignore the girl and think everything is going to be okay it's not you have to perform and be the person you said you're gonna be actually I was telling not so in the other day I was in northern Wisconsin where we live and much north further than us is nothing but trees and squirrels and stuff you know the middle of nowhere but in Wisconsin there's bars everywhere everywhere we are the drunkest state in the Union everybody has to have something they're proud of all right so apparently that's ours claim to fame we drink too much but every you go to whole town that nothing is in the town except a bar and a post office that's it all over the place so we stopped it on these bars we're gonna get something to drink something to eat and we pull and we're sitting at this counter and talking about relationships is that's what we do and this bartender who doesn't claim to be a religious man at all I mean nothing he's listening to us and then he finally chimes in and he says you know I've never been I've never got my my wife upset about anything and we looked at him said oh come on he says no never have we don't believe you he says ask her she comes walking in said has he ever been mean to you ever got you upset in any way she says never and then he looked at us and he said you know I made a promise I told her if you will marry me I promise I'll never be mean to you Oh Mike and he kept his word in that amazing a lot of times we we say things but we don't live up to our commitments you know now we need forgiveness because not everybody can pull off with the bartender pulls off that's for sure but you know be a man of your word you said you're gonna do the job do the job perform gave it the same kind of attention you would your job and to remember if you quit performing you're going to get fired and it's amazing how many men get served divorce papers and they are shocked shocked like they had no idea what's coming they're not doing their job very well what's the next one she's like a great adventure mm-hmm anybody here never been on a safari raise your hands anybody never so you guys do that that's good you'd be surprised in America how many people live by certain great things and they never do it there's people who live like two miles from the ocean and they've never been to the ocean you go to Pearl Harbor in Hawaii and you talk to the locals and almost no woman has ever gone to Pearl Harbor to see things there's people who live by the mountains who've never been in the mountains it's amazing we just take for granted the familiar you know you got all this stuff and you keep ignoring it there's people people in New York City who have never been to the Statue of Liberty never they're all lives they see it prevent people from all over the world come there to go up in it but they don't bother that's close enough you know when you go on a vacation you're doing some great adventure you plan things out you want to make sure you go to these places and see things you know you don't just go to a vacate well you shouldn't go to vacation and you get there and go what do you want to do I don't know what do you wanna do let's get a sandwich you know that's it you don't do that when you go on an adventure man you plant it out we're gonna go here we're gonna do that some people over plant it they're doing everything every five seconds where everybody out I hate that but uh you know treat her like an adventurer see what she's capable of what's inside her head in her heart you should be exploring her just like you to explore a great adventure make a plan stick to the plan it's amazing women are fascinating amazing creatures and if all you notice about your wife is her outside you don't get this and by the way the outside at some point changes right you need to explore the girl inside who's in there who's behind those eyes what does she really like you know cuz the outside changes you know gravity is a cruel thing just things keep getting longer and longer and longer just just because of gravity you know and if all you know is the outside you'll lose interest really fast treat her like an adventurer there's an amazing person in there find out who she is celebrate her plan with her treat her like a great adventure what else you got treat it like your doctor actually let me read this to you I'll read you from the book which I have downloaded on my e-reader which you can do yet tonight all right let's see treat him like treat her like a truck there it is all right now I'm not saying that every day of your marital life needs to feature a tearful bonding session like something you'd seen on Oprah but I'm saying that at least on occasion you need to intentionally let her know what you're thinking and feeling just like you need to let your doctor know what you're feeling not just what you are struggling with in your life but also your hopes your dreams your aspirations she cannot help you achieve what you're reaching for if you don't let her know what it is can it be uncomfortable sure but so can a visit to the doctor I mean when he's holding your balls in his hands and tells you to cough that's a little uncomfortable and in parentheses I wrote why do they do that anyway I said I suppose I could google the answer but I'm typing this on a flight at 30,000 feet and I really don't want the lady next to me glancing over and seeing me pull up websites explaining the holding of balls and don't get me started about the joys of a prostate exam but why do we do these things so we can live not only longer but better the doctor can't help you if all you ever say to him is great fine super sure I guess and neither can your wife but I'm a man and I I don't need anybody to help me actually that's not true the Bible tells us in the beginning that he created Adam and put him in this glorious garden and it didn't take long before the Almighty had the following observation the Lord God said it's not good for this guy to be alone I will make him a helper suitable for him no servant of God no sooner did God create a man when he came to the very conclusion that this boy needs some help now that's not to say that men are stupid or idiots or incapable of rational thought despite what is portrayed on television today you know when I was growing up there were shows on TV called father knows best and the andy griffith show or men were portrayed not only as wise and insightful but as protecting and caring not today men are not portrayed as bumbling fools that are not only inferior to their wives but to their children as well have you noticed this sometimes in some of these comical things that kids are smarter than the parents haha it's not funny they're tearing down institutions that should be built up no God wasn't saying that Adam was an idiot he just was quick to realize that with the proper help he was capable of doing incredible things generally speaking men do better when they are not alone the great King Solomon referred to as the wisest man to ever live had this observation he said there was a man all alone he had neither Sun nor brother there was no end to his toil yet his eyes were not content with his wealth for whom am I toiling he asked and why am i depriving myself of enjoyment this too is meaningless a miserable business to Solomon says are better than one because they have a good return for their labor if either of them falls down one can help the other up but pity the one who falls and has no one to help you up treat her like your doctor and if your doctor is gonna help you at all you have to be honest with him and you have to be open and you need to be a little vulnerable you do it so you can live longer I am stunned at how many men would rather die an early death then go see a doctor and it's amazing how many men are like that my father-in-law died of causes that were ridiculous he didn't need to die at his age he died of tooth infection do you know you can die just from if your teeth go bad you don't take care of him it'll poison your system it'll kill you all they had to do was go to a dentist but he would rather die they go to a dentist there's guys like this they just stayed look that's your choice if you want to do that I'm just saying if you want to live a long time you go to the doctor I go to the doctor I do I don't like it but I I want to live as long as I can and as healthy as I can and not live a miserable existence if you let them know what you're struggling with they can help you if you don't let them know there's not anything they can do for you and the same when you're doing life with her and then when we got here last thing bonus chap no no treat her like a waitress how do you treat their waitress most guys are very nice to the waitresses hey sweetie how you do it oh thank you can you get me some more coffee and guys know that were there real nice of the waitresses the waitresses are nicer back to them well why not treat your wife like the waitress you know a little tip now and that wouldn't hurt you either you know give her some special attention say nice things to her I don't know why guys don't say nice things to their wives I don't get it you know you want to win you gotta play the game say nice things to her complement her encourage her you'd be surprised how much she comes to life I mean a lot of men don't even ever tell their wives they love them wouldn't surprise me if those guys like that here I told you I loved you once say anything changes I'll let you know not helpful all right and then what's the last one there it is bonus Tanner do not treat her like your brother all right a lot of men like to gross out their wives with guy stuff don't do that she's not your brother just like you're not her girlfriend she's not your brother don't do gross things to her and gross her out and stick her head under the blankets while you pass gas you think it's funny it's not funny to her don't do that to her some guys are nuts I mean Sears I had a lady write me I'm not making this up you can't make up some of this stuff she said pastor my husband will go to the toilet and if he's had a successful bowel movement he comes to find me so I can see it hey baby come here y'all see the size of this thing is like we're really she's not your brother don't treat her like your brother treat her like a woman all right all right questions out what questions can we come up with and it can be any the entities fair game good evening hi this question is on behalf of all the woman here where is the fine line between reminding and nagging reminding and nagging the fine line I don't know I don't know I don't think that I'd be that obsessed by it the reality is couples who get along really well are always reminding each other I'm chef you ever have you ever seen this there wasn't getting all gray though hey where's my kiss hey Freddie give me hog where's my hug Oh doh remember 44 years I was married to that redhead every week she had to remind me to take out the garbage you would think being a semi intelligent human being then I would get the hang of that after a while I never did now she's gone I got garbage problems I I need a wife I'm in trouble man I'm telling you I don't function well you know um she never did it in a nasty way she always did it was a smile and she kinda would torture me she would wait until I'm ready to climb into bed did you take out the garbage no man you know you put on my pants again and drag it out so I good but I didn't say what Robert grant nagging me you know there's no reason to get nasty at each other I think the fine line is just an attitude to be quite honest with you an attitude where you're bitter that you have to remind them and he gets bitter that you're doing any reminding which was my point at the beginning don't get bitter about these things embrace them if God Almighty had to do things to remind himself and responded when people would remind him of his promises I think we can do the same I don't think when you say Lord remember you promised such and such ease up is like really you gotta remind me you know I'm not an idiot he doesn't respond that way he celebrates oh yes and then I remembered my covenant with them oh yes I remembered my promise to them so God works so I think the fine line really is just the attitude don't resent it be nice about it make make it fun you know the reason why women don't make it fun is they don't like having to remind them you don't I know women don't like having to repeat the same issues over and over and over again with a man the ones who don't like that are the ones who get real bitter and angry their husbands the ones who don't have a problem with it they laugh about it they smile about it my wife I'm sure dear James she just tell you every week I got a remind him to take out the garbage and she's never was bitter an Avery about it don't get angry about these things and it'll keep it from coming nagging I think it's the fine line is really just an attitude embrace reminding each other right and even even guys you know the other way around a lot of guys usually are more interested in sex than their wives right that's kind of normal there's exceptions there's some marriages where the wife is more interested than the guy if if you're in a marriage where your wife is more interested in sex than you I think I speak for all the men when I say that we hate you but job but even got you know climb that and then just get mad because she's not she's not starting anything don't do that just remind her hey baby hey baby come here you know now you're not always gonna win but I get mad they get mad roll over live jazz that section a week I'm so mad better really so now she can wait two weeks okay that's her I can't I was usually they've remained to her married to the remind ye and and and you just did it when you get bitter about it I can't couples who are always getting along great always remind each other hey baby it's been a while and she might say I don't feel like it and you just go it's okay you will alright I mean why not have fun with stuff people need to lighten up a guy gets mad because she can go one month and a half without sex didn't seem to bother her and he's driving him crazy they won't talk about I've I brought it up three times really I'm telling you you're going to need to bring these things up forever until you die the good news is you got any other questions okay um I have a question I hear a voice but I can't see your body oh there you are okay yes who is it yes I do try I have I work a lot so I generally don't have a lot of time to see them so it lands up being a what's that conversation something like this and he can't stand this so I don't know you can't stand what but he want isn't to me though so go ahead what never forgive me you guys speak in a different language than I speak the accent throws me all the time so you work all the time you don't have time for girlfriends so you've got to talk yes so what I do sometimes they'll come with me when I work myself who or comes with you my face so bring your friends to work you can do that who goes to work with anybody hey guys come here's go to work I ain't going to work with you I'll go lay down take a nap all right so you actually invite girls to come to work and they do it okay okay um Oh we'll talk okay and why do you get irritated by it what do you want this but but but here's the thing you have to understand if she quits talking to the girlfriends she's gonna talk to you all the time and she's gonna stick a straw in your brain and suck the life out of you you should thank God he's talking to a girl friends give her an extra few hundred rad go take them somewhere have a nice time seriously I was just talking to a couple they were getting ready to get married and the boy announced that he didn't want her to spend any more time with her family he's just an idiot I don't know what he was thinking and I'm talking to him on the phone I'm trying to help listen to me you idiot listen to me if she doesn't talk to her family was she talking about her eyes I know but if that stops who do you think she's gonna talk to I never thought about that yeah I'm that's a good thing okay now if you're overdoing it and seriously it's midnight and you're still chatting you know just gently remind her stop talking all right but uh you know don't envy the girlfriend that's a good thing that you can do that Lincoln shot all I know is if she can't chat she's gonna want to chat with you there's no escaping either she talks to her girlfriends at midnight or she talked to you at midnight so you know we got to work it out you guys will be fine it's fine what do you do for a living you're a photographer ah so you could have been taking nice pictures of me this whole time any other questions yes ma'am hi so I'm recently married two months two months how's it going great good and also bad sometimes anyway um so I'm kind of a weird one I normally text everything that happens to me during the day oh yeah Mike my husband is always up-to-date as to what's happening if I'm having a bad time I text it to him and I I say I'm having a bad time and I get that out of my system so by the time I get home I don't really want to talk anymore but then he comes back and he wants to tell me every single thing that happened to to him during the day and by the time I don't want to listen like I just I just wanna cuddle or sleep so how do i balance stuff like that because I try to make it easy by doing it throughout the day yeah what you're saying is to him why can't you be like me yeah welcome to marriage sunshine why can't you be like me cuz I'm brilliant and you're mentally ill you know that's two months come on you're rookies this is just the beginning of Sorrows all right you're going to have to change nobody wants to change right so maybe you don't text everything to him so that maybe you can talk it with him later if he wants to talk it through look you'll eventually find ok you know a way to work it out and this is just painful it is there's this look you want two months how many you've been married for 20 years or more yeah okay put your hands down how many of that same group still have communication problems now pretty much the same hands you see so yeah so uh 20 years 2 months yeah yeah hang on where's your husband by the way he's at home watching you he's watching me why isn't he always watching your son got it all right well cut him some slack yeah everybody's different here's the crazy thing about it is we always tend to attract people who are different than us you know these differences draws to each other like a slow-moving car wreck and then we drive each other crazy and then I tell my summers all the time the number one argument in marriage is always why can't you be more like me and that's and and it's not so you're going to have to learn to talk more he's gonna have to learn to talk less and that's how you that's how you do it and it's pain you do talk a lot I actually do talk a lot I'm I'm a very audible like I talk a lot but I just don't like sharing things I talk but I don't like sharing I don't know if that makes sense no it doesn't yeah select if I'm angry or I'm agitated oh wait a minute wait a minute I like to talk I don't like to share yes I'll talk about anything that's not important but if it's important and it hits home it's not important why would anybody want to listen to you it's just driving a conversation I guess I don't know yeah yeah you're gonna work this out it is what it is I don't know you don't want to share intimate things you don't like cherry intimate things yeah you know you're married yeah there's a lot of intimate things that go on which we won't discuss but that's just part of it there's physical intimacy there's also emotional intimacy there's even intellectual intimacy you need to embrace all of it okay and it takes time don't get frustrated you know it's two months it's nothing it really is you know I've always shocked my people that they say you know Pastor Mark we've been married for a year and we're in hail Pastor Mike we've been here for six months were in hail worst one I got was best Mike we've met for two weeks and we're in hail I think really it should take you years to get to hell are you gonna heal so fast is out of pure morbid curiosity how old are you 28 all right how old is he thirty-six okay so that's fine probably big age differences and stuff like that this is the first marriage for him yeah one of the challenges again I'm not a big fan I've had a couple of socked over here of this long dating and waiting to get married one of the problems is the longer you're single the harder it is to connect with somebody it is it just really is some of the hard so there's people I've talked to it you know fifty years old and they get married for the first time and they are in hell it's because they've been single all their lives my advice the younger you do that the easier it is to connect with somebody you get used to your life being a certain way as a single person along you to lay that 36 years is a long time not to be married and I'll suddenly be married and to get on the same page with you it'll be Italy tough but you can do it anybody can do anything you'll be fine you seem like a sweet lady anybody else yes sir I'm for me the observation that one thing that I guess freaked me out in relationships is the village to go from zero to 300 in less than two seconds so the conversation starts as how was your day and it ends with you sleeping on the couch just the the escalation of things the simple question and it got escalated and now you're talking about your father-in-law's problems and you watch you didn't do in all your Arsenal's how's your day so that's just interesting now now she's the one who escalates it yes yeah that's because she's a woman all right now and those of you who've seen my seminar you remember the boxes and the wires see men's brains are made up of boxes and we put things in boxes and when we talk we talk about what's in that box one thing at a time women's brains are made up of wire and everything is connected all at once so when they start talking they don't stay on what subject they bring all that mean a wine so it's very confusing to a man it really is and it is what it is do you do this late at night no any time of the day any challenge oh yeah I wouldn't call it X escalation it's just the way they talk they tend to connect everything welcome to marriage

Channel: Gracepoint Church

Views: 192,375

Rating: 4.8323159 out of 5

Keywords: church, grace, gospel, jesus, gracepoint church, gracepoint, inspire, young adults, movement, revival, passion, love, god, christ

Id: ezL5dkpjYEc

Length: 103min 48sec (6228 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 13 2018