KILL TONY #565 - SHANE GILLIS + MARK NORMAND

are you the only one in the world [Music] [Music] hey this is redmond coming in live from falcon gas company here in austin texas for a brand new episode of countdown get up [Applause] [Music] are you guys ready to have the best goddamn monday night of your lives right now [Applause] yeah we're here everybody make some noise for my friend brian redman hey everybody [Music] this is kiltoni brought to you by the red rose and the yellow rose how about a hand for that goddamn band am i right people we are here in austin texas with some unbelievable local musicians of course that's the great michael gonzalez on the drums over there this is our friend matt muelling on the electric tonight and of course the great d madness right here on the bass guitar with the gigantic mic stand that i almost knocked over into him awkwardly starting the episode uh very close call there you son of a son of a uh that is the screwball peanut butter whiskey kill tony band also kill tony brought to you by uh local legends here deep eddie vodka which we absolutely love i have i mixed they're all they're different flavored vodkas with a bunch of different things because i i i can admit that i like a good feminine beverage and um deep eddie is delicious sometimes i mix it with screw ball peanut butter whiskey have a little whiskey vodka just support support our sponsors you know what i mean wake up the next morning drink a little liquid iv for the hangover hire some people on zip recruiter and it's a day how many of you flew from somewhere else to be here tonight see this is a regular thing here that we don't talk about very often people are like oh you're going to move to austin hall there's going to be the same audience every night idiots now they're all in hell all our favorite places are closing in la and anyway who gives a it doesn't matter we made the right decision it's good to be here beautiful texas on a 135 degree day here's a little bit more about the amazing other sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now hey y'all indeed it is tony hinchcliffe here telling you that i am back out on tour with my stand-up comedy lugging a bunch of my funniest friends with me all around the country we're back at it tampa florida july 15th and 16th houston texas july 28th 29th and the 30th dallas texas the 12th and 13th of august and august 26th and 27th san antonio texas nashville tennessee making my long-awaited return september 29th 30th and october 1st that's tickets available tonyhenchcliff.com and uh we'll see you out there are you guys ready to start tonight's episode or what ladies and gentlemen two of the best comedians in the country two return guests to kill tony they are here from new york city ladies and gentlemen i present to you shane gillis and mark norman oh my god oh it's one of those nights [Music] mark norman [Music] one of the best in the world and shane gillis everybody [Applause] holy just a random ass monday in austin texas oh i got you there all right city is wild folks these guys already taped an episode of the joe rogan experience earlier today where shane famously drank 18 beers yeah and ari died ahri's dead mark had a bunch of whiskies and ari shafir there's a slight chance that you were here the day that ari was supposed to be on the show with these two and passed away he was old he was he was on his way out that old he told shane that he could stick with him he's in jewish hell [Applause] [Music] germany oh yeah [Music] we're doing this tonight absolutely yeah we are you guys know how it works you guys have been guests on the show numerous times uh there's a bunch of people that signed up to get their chance to do 60 seconds uninterrupted and then i interview them afterwards and we all talk to them we find out more about them you know the 60 seconds is up when you're the sound of a kitten that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry west hollywood bear and that's how that works you guys ready to start tonight's episode huh ladies and gentlemen to start tonight's show a man that has been uh kicking off every episode of the show for a year straight one of the strongest kill tony regulars in the history of the show this man writes and performs a brand new minute every week it's the one and only hans kim [Applause] hey what's up i love talking to chicks uh but i was saying this one chick and she kept talking about her ptsd and i had to walk away from her because she was triggering my ptsd of listening to people with ptsd tell boring stories holy cut to the chase sometimes shitty things happen to shitty storytellers i don't know what to tell you um but uh good to be here in texas very hot you know i like how there's two temperatures there's like feels like temperature and whatever the other temperature is which i don't get the point of that because the only way i interact with temperature is by feeling it the is this other number doing feels like 72 but sounds like 45 and smells like 12. uh but uh good to be here um i think that uh if guns are legal then traps should be legal you should be able to trap a you know if you bend down to pick up a supreme hat you should go up in a net all right thank you hans kim all right hans really saving it there at the end that was good close we were in treacherous territories there yeah they weren't feeling the temperature joke no they were not what do you mean it smells like 12 degrees what what do you even mean by that exactly yeah exactly what do i mean that's the sound of a true comic exactly i give that a kim jong [Applause] my man can point him out dude that's a pretty powerful weapon for a white dude yes hans we see each other here on this show in front of a live audience sold out to the gills every single week i must say i would say that that is one of the sets in which you've got the least amount of laughter and my question is why do you think that is this week and not any other week what do you think happened in your life this week that has you a little bit softer than usual here is it because you're starting to dress cool a couple couple tours a couple tours you're starting to buy whatever that shirt is a little fun fact shane i was here last week i noticed that i knew he told me that he's been going on amazon and getting new stuff this is a brand new thing you are absolutely in touch yeah uh he has started shopping on amazon is this more new amazon stuff hans yeah this is the thing i got last week you know this uh show's pretty important to me shane i don't just show up in basketball shorts [Applause] [Music] that was for snl [Laughter] sweet sweet sweet hans what's been going on in life tell us more about this past week i did two sold out shows in dallas um who'd you open for i did i did it myself you were headlining yeah hey a lot of thank you that's a big deal folks little baby boys growing up right now that's definitely deserving thank you yeah the audience felt me more than they did here tonight yeah because of uvaldi yeah they so two sold out shows so we can expect to see some more amazon clothes coming uh in the near future how's your love life hans are you still with that girl uh we broke up okay now we're starting to get to some real answers here uh what what caused this breakup uh we got into a fight uh there was a homeless lady sitting in the street and uh she i she kind of got distracted i was like where did you park and she was just like look at that homeless lady i was like okay i don't want to keep looking where did you park let's go oh this was like a real you had to be their argument that happened so you guys ended up just going back and forth about where did you park did she forget where she parked is that what you're saying yeah she's sort of forgetful and she's like sorry i was just stressed out i was overwhelmed by the moment and i was like and you're like we're done yeah yeah it is a sad day uh we got back together had sex a couple times and i don't think that uh she likes me anymore uh probably shouldn't have had sex with her again um uh but you know i have a parking pass i'm gonna drop it off okay and that's we all know that that's the final uh goodbye parking pass now can you see yourself perhaps making the mistake of having sex with her again when dropping off the parking pass uh gets me that sweet sweet parking ass you know what i'm saying [Music] i mean i'll do anything for the bit you know okay hanza what is this kill tony the reality show well tony if you have the cameras following me i'll the out of her uh jesus hans all right wow we love you hans thank you for always it takes more courage than anyone else in the world has to write and perform the new minute every week at the top of this show he normally makes it look easy tonight he made it look pretty hard actually uh stand up comedy is no joke and now i reach into a bucket this is where usually goes straight off the rails because any normal human could sign up for this show maybe you signed up for this show your first comedian out of the bucket getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight goes by the name of eric edlund everybody eric edlund here we go eric edlund here he comes oh thanks so much for eric everybody [Applause] oh oh yes my name is eric i'm a drummer from sweden who uh obviously let himself go during the pandemic and when i didn't think my life could get any worse my brother gave me a course in stand-up comedy so i didn't know where to start so i watched some documentaries and one stuck with me the one about john belushi i thought maybe physical comedy could be my thing and this is the first time i tried it out but back then my at least my girlfriend laughed at me no i just kidding yo i'm sorry sorry my next joke was uh when i when when we have sex was supposed to be the joke but i was actually kidding there i don't have a girlfriend but i take it as a compliment that you believed me maybe i'm actually so single my band's name should be blue ball group sorry oh the hackiest set ever unkill tony eric edlund ladies and gentlemen i'm gonna end it there for you [Music] oh thank you so much you're way too kind how much do i owe you jesus shut up eric shut the up i came down from mountain for this shut the up [Applause] i got questions for you sir are you ready for this first of all how did you get dislodged from that chocolate tube in the wonka factory 35 years ago [Applause] oh my god i love chocolate tony [Laughter] sorry i'm not used to the heat here so oh here comes a big one yeah whoa what what does the heat make you feel like eric oh i forgot to do joke again yes oh actually that's a common mistance capture with comedy you can't just be fat you gotta have a punch okay i quit and he did suck [Laughter] eric so let's talk about it is this your first time ever coming down from the mountaintop or whatever whatever weird cabin life you have what are we talking about sweden yeah it's pretty close to the truth actually stockholm no i come from the kind of north stockholm or downs i can't figure out which syndrome you have [Laughter] holy is that your real laugh i have a friend it is i love the act you sound like lord of the onion rings [Applause] there might be are there wolves in the swedish mountains uh yes i think oh okay very good red banners to swedish mountains sound effects all right so let's talk about it eric uh have you ever done stand up before only once uh oh what happened then i guess i bombed but not this hard okay i deservedly so i should say too i want to do it more but actually no no no no it's okay we don't need to do more what do you do for a living in sweden uh i'm a musician you really are a professional musician yes i am holy it's hard to believe i i i you know you play the drums for real yeah yeah you could you could guess it of course you also said during your sixties yeah you said i'm a drummer from sweden oh i did yeah i'm like did he say drummer because i your your accent is so white that even i can't understand it oh i'm impressed [Music] stick to drums and go back to sweden yeah i will thank you so much no no no no no no no no eric you're not done yet you son of a i want to hear you uh i want to hear you play drums it's been a really long time you guys think hold on a second how many of you have been long time fans of the show that's a lot of people it's been like i don't know a long ass time almost a year do you guys think it's okay if we do a mexican drum off here tonight all right so some of you might be new here you might not know exactly how this works but on this show any drummer has a chance to become the new full-time drummer here on kiltoni now i have to let you know that the resident drummer historically has won 100 of all these drum solo competitions uh the great joel jimenez before and the current uh reigning uh uh defending champion of the show michael gonzalez they've never lost however the show rules mexican drama off goes like this it is uh they get each a drum solo if eric edlund wins he has to be here every monday forever doing sold out shows on an american comedy show for the rest of his life and also if he wins that means we have to ship michael gonzalez to sweden to uh pewdiepie if he's here where's artie lang that's all i want to know all right so they each get a drum solo eric could win a full-time job but michael's probably gonna beat him uh the audience decides at the end are you guys ready to start your first ever mexican drama here it is the drum solo from sweden's own eric edlund everybody [Music] so [Applause] wow oh oh oh oh no oh no the crowd is going wild these things never really translate to the internet quite like uh you would imagine they would highly recommend coming to a live show oh dee madness throwing his own boy under the bus that's uh two weeks in a row literally has never even met eric edlund and is already defending it i love you too [Laughter] ladies and gentlemen this is the moment that you do believe is about to happen you're about to witness a man defend his legacy the throne of being the official kill tony drummer we've been doing this for years the resident drummer has never lost this is michael gonzalez [Music] so [Music] so [Music] so wow wow usa usa aaron usa usa usa eric come up here real quick in your face you european idiot [Applause] european that's where sweden is dumbass oh i thought it was scandinavia that's europe ah how many of you think eric udland uh just won the mexican drum off make some noise if you think eric won how many of you in the audience have michael gonzalez winning the mexican drama there you go so the record stays the same meanwhile they're out there perhaps one day there might be somebody how did you feel that that went for you uh eric was that a good performance for you you are the best drummer that's also a cabbage patch kid i've ever uh you are i mean look at you're just jolly head i've never even seen a head that is quite that wide and uh it's almost like was that ernie or bert which one has that it does look like his hair comes off with his hat yeah actually yeah it's that's unfortunately way too true that's nice dude who designed your outfit limp too many biscuits come on dude that's why i'm come on i'm still going yeah fred wurst yeah that was way better [Music] eric before i let you go tell me one more interesting fun fact about your life or thing that you think would be interesting to tell an audience on a live podcast about your entire life you ever do anything wacky you ever have sex with one of those mountain animals no unfortunately not i i i would have sex with anything right now so jesus christ hans get up here [Applause] how long are you visiting texas for eric until uh friday and then i um come back and watch the show again next week oh wow what do you mean you watch the show again next week i will come back and but i can promise you not to sign up wait you're coming back here next monday yeah i do but why why i mean what like you're you're a fan of this yeah yeah and so this is all right when was the last time you did stand up it was uh a year ago right that weird laugh he does it's so weird i haven't had so many gigs so i haven't uh so many gigs i know eric so many gigs interesting interesting stuff i feel like there's more that you're not telling us eric uh what's the age of consent over in sweden it's way too high just kidding there you go making his kill tony debut everybody getting a little joke book all the way from sweden that is the kill tony debut of eric edlund everyone thank you eric eric the vikings all right back to the bucket we go your next comedian as you've seen anything can happen your next comedian goes by the name of bear badou bear badou bear [Music] bear badou here he comes ladies and gentlemen i see him [Music] oh make some noise for bear everybody [Applause] yeah let's get this out the way i know i look like joe dirt the tiger king we gotta be careful what we say though tony knows that pc culture right but luckily white people white rednecks were finally included i don't know if you guys know that yeah can't make fun of us anymore dude first it was people of color then it was little people now you can't even make fun of white rednecks you don't have to call us people of poor choices speaking of poor choices i'm married she's in a wheelchair i love her don't get weirded out by the fact she's in a wheelchair it's okay i gotta tell you guys there's no love like a love that can't run away my biggest fear since we've been married has been a fear of stares yeah guys stairs scare the out of me stairs are kind of like a dildo uh you know they're long hard and they my wife more than i do all right that's it guys thank y'all so much all right bear bad no am i saying that correct yeah bear welcome to the show this is your first time on kiltoni my first time on kiltonia i wanted to do it when it was in la but then you moved right oh yeah you moved to this awesome place yeah so you're still in los angeles i am i was just driving through and decided i was in new orleans going back to l.a i was like yeah who dat right now i thought if i make it to austin in time i'm going to kill tony and i did all right there we go absolutely i love it um okay bear so how long you been doing stand up uh six years is barry your real name yeah uh it's my middle name so it's lloyd bear badou oh lloyd i'm technically lloyd the second whoa all right lord badou little lloyd badou it was a solid set you know much like your wife you were on a roll yeah thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] how do you make money bear uh i'm very blessed to make money doing a lot of commercial acting right you get all the you get all the gigs that theo vaughn doesn't want to do pretty much [Music] pretty much yeah and then when i'm not doing that i work part-time at flappers comedy club whoa wow that is very interesting a famous uh barely uh barely a comedy club yeah i was gonna say famous is very very very uh famously like the uh the bad comedy club in the valley of los angeles for those of you that don't know like a like a like a bad bad spot to do comedy yeah like that that's what plays after all your jokes so how are things up at flappers what's going on in l.a people still freaking out wearing masks getting yeah yeah people still have panic attacks yeah yeah it's amazing yeah i uh i saw a lady sneeze on a guy at a show and he flipped out in the middle of the show and then for some reason yelled at the comic i have no idea what that's crazy yeah it was bizarre yeah she's a lot of weird whoa [Laughter] why why flappers though like why not like the improv the comedy store i don't think they would have them red van i don't think anybody's choosing flappers over the comedy stuff i don't think they're like pick your favorite comedy club which way do you want to work at yeah why don't you work somewhere better good question sal's comedy hole like mike all right thank you very good uh so bear let's talk about your life how old are you exactly 35 35 years old i would have accepted a wide wide window around that age um i don't blame you what do you do for fun bear oh i play a lot of poker um really a big gambler the gambler just started playing golf i also play a lot of paintball i know that's weird but i play a lot i play a lot of paintball yep that's cool as hell yeah i love it thank you it's very hard to take you seriously right now but yes why i always see is the inner thigh it's freaking me out a little bit come on up here sweet sweet varicose veins over here it's a beautiful shade of emperor palpatine your thighs are shaking i must say shut up nothing better than a new yorker's thighs dressed like a priest tony tony looks like he runs a gay funeral home i do i actually do male corpses only we couldn't shut the casket i like to put him in the coffin upside down pay me the final respects open casket open mind you know what i mean this is gay funeral director jokes people i wasn't prepared we didn't say that body is stiff [Music] hey guys the embalming fluid has come [Music] [Applause] yeah that's not even funny you guys are funny literally the best yo so your outfit stinks dude what do you do what are you gonna do about it dude that sucks the whole thing sucks i know it's pretty cool to me it matches the mullet pretty well so i'll just say it i'll be honest with you dude that sucks what are you gonna do what am i supposed to do tackle i feel like i'm getting yoda by a high school football coach you are you're exactly you are [Applause] [Laughter] um so bear what else for fun you paintballing that's your answer you ever get hurt doing that how long have you let me let me ask you the question that everybody really wants to know all right all right let's talk about the mullet okay hell yeah do you ask for that is that like your thing on work like when you go in on these commercial auditions are you a mullet guy did you have a personality before that hi that is actually the question that i wanted to ask but i was beating around the bush a little bit you know what i'm saying hit me with that uh yeah i did not always have the mullet and things weren't going so good for you no i booked a commercial and they were on set and they said do you mind if we cut your hair into a mullet i said you're paying me you can do whatever the you want how long ago was that um over five years ago wow wow wow yeah my agent called me into the office like shortly after that and i thought i was getting like dropped because it was a you never have like a meeting that you you get called in for that you don't ask for yeah and uh he was just asking me if i would keep the mullet was this a commercial or a tv show and what was the commercial what was the commercial intel something like that nothing says intelligent like mullet yeah very interesting so you just kept it you're like i'm just gonna ride this wave and it's been profitable for you i only cut it off for the wedding we took wedding photos and then my wife was like absolutely not because there was a photo with my mullet blown in the wind and it was hitting her in the face it's an awesome photo too but yeah that was the moment she goes not for the wedding right so yeah right what a [Music] what a stupid dude why can't she be more like the people at intel yeah celeron i'm gonna relay the message for you don't worry i love it bear what else any other special skills or talents other than stand-up comedy and being a mullet man mullet man uh god special skills i feel like i have like no special skills look at me um no i use i don't do this anymore i used to be in like a rap rock group oh oh how many of you want to hear a little bit of his rap rock huh i wish i'd never come on give the band give the band a beat like tell them what to do they'll just do whatever because they're actually talented so you could just tell them whatever it is that you do they'll figure it out right away why would you bring that up you that was a very stupid decision i feel like tony it's okay so what is it like it's like what do you want right now let's get this thing moving let's go for it guys i don't care let's go for it it's definitely gonna go well this is gonna be cool [Music] here's a little bit of bear baddo improvising [Music] wait wait wait wait wait stop stop stop you guys are so shut the up piece of you guys are so good that it literally makes it good no matter what like he could do anything over that he'll it up i want you to lead i want you to lead them into what they're going to play so it starts like you remember uh whitney houston i will always love you doesn't that start with just her doesn't that just start with her singing there's no instruments right i want your version of that you sing what you sing and then the band will come in behind you oh this is cruel cruel june next june is 10 years of hosting this show i know what the i'm doing hopefully he dies in a tub too doubtful when you don't bathe he's gonna die in one of those metal outdoor tubs anyway all right here we go did you guys hear something is that bass just give me a little bass like a little a little bit of bass just that's yeah that's it yeah that's it all right screw it let's go all right here he is leading the band into something d that's too cool i want him to struggle for a second uh yo i sit here head spinning and confused abused and used with a pipe to smoke and a bottle of booze alcohol moves like an ocean a potion of which i give my devotee did hear head spinning and confused abused and used with a pipe to smoke in a bottle of food alcohol moves like an ocean a potion which i give my devotion yo i'm irresistibly resistable sexually irresistible my bones grow like a mystical don't give a when i with this mullet flow magic favorites everyday everybody knows i go make sure that you're firing me with layers i my wife like she's michael later that on the wheels everybody here knows how it feels bubba go don't give a cause i'm rocking this with tony hinchcliffe whoa wow incredible wow you did it oh god damn it you took the ball and you ran with it there uh [Applause] i a kid rock yeah [Music] [Applause] that's a your rap was really good [Music] i'm more of a you're a rap guy versus your standoff ladies and gentlemen that was indeed the kill tony debut of bear badou bear take a brand new handmade leather joke book courtesy of the great bonsai who makes those all by hand here on kill tony all right this has been a fun episode so far you guys ready for a special treat huh this is a very very big one i get the feeling there's a lot of long time fans on the show that should be very excited about what's going to happen here this is the return of one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show uh he retired seven months ago and has been making appearances here and there this is one of those weeks where we get blessed with a brand new minute by the one and only michael lehrer everyone [Applause] [Music] [Applause] i think we know who got hans kim's one more time for michael lair everybody come on people [Applause] warning i can no longer control my faults so i am now an active tutor hey yo what irony have a ride live audience i kept on your in texas are professional wrestlers but i look like this from what 20 years a comedy do i look always together godfreys [Laughter] i mean there's only one explanation i'm the reincarnation of hitler i'm telling you i'm here reincarnated i keep getting so by karma though life is hard when an inflation but there's never been a better time a cheaper time to buy a russian wife you know what you know what you know what you know what even more for the first time in history it's easier to adopt a russian wife than a black baby oh all you laughing are so racist [Applause] i know there's a ton of black people here i'm usually flanked by him but i'm i'm the only white dude who abandoned this baby so your stereotype but it is juneteenth the celebration of the emancipation of their slaves unlike yesterday which was father's day which is the celebration by black violence being emancipated from fatherhood [Applause] i see y'all hey why hey i'm yo i'm hillary incarnated what do you do you expect ladies and gentlemen doing three minutes of brand new never heard before material michael lair is back on kiltoni a legend of the show hundreds of new minutes we've seen the man almost single-handedly kept us afloat during the lockdown pandemic in los angeles where we had zero live audience he was putting in major effort doing full-time sketches and yeah it turns out you can do for a lot more time to come in when you can't walk it is incredible and you donate so much of that time and energy into uh into the show michaela [Laughter] [Applause] michael you are the best oh boy there's one of those farts according to red band there you go there you go yeah tony yeah michael lair pardon me you know um we got to go to the ufc then so much fun saturday night the ufc was here in austin we were all there amazing yep but i have a few campaigns uh-oh here we go all right one awesome yeah moody center good name one it was built like six months ago and i've never seen such a scary zigzagging donkey everyone here next time you're at the morning center you're going to walk down it and freak out anything of me and soon i go in the handicapped mansions only one and i'm sitting in there i'm like oh a restroom it says gender neutral that is cool i know problem with that but literally by the only door people in wheelchairs can go in not only than my wheelchair nice feeling in the bathroom there was no place to grow up and lastly i got my tickets from their tyranny but they were still too bad a piece would they charge you no oh right retail 2000 each right my point is they did not have a place from my winter so they put me in the aisle no it gets worse it always gets worse they put me in the out three feet away from my lashes with sitting facing me like my therapist i go oh one more thing i love it you're the best interviewee of all time i must say you make it very easy well i missed most of my friends because i was hiding from my girlfriend aslan's nurse and i was begging strangers for beer ah yeah and one of the guys who bought me like 50 dollars worth of beer from my begging is here tonight oh wow okay [Applause] [Music] you want to say his name are you giving him a shout out or something what do you want me to do yeah shout out to that real piece of yeah shout out to the guy that spent 50 on a guy with an irreversible disease uh yeah you this guy's essentially paving a ramp to heaven right now i would have put it i uh so michael um very very interesting i i wish i could go back and respond to each one of your amazing things you're like tony i have seven seven more things i need to talk about real quick i love the ram thing it's interesting to know we i find out all these there's sometimes there'll be a place that i like or something like that and i'll be like michael you should go to this restaurant they'll be like no it they're their ramp yeah and like i find out that like some places that we take for granted like they have shitty ramps like it's crazy i'm like michael you ever been to 5th street you're like that street you know with all the menus around here and we've been because of rooms or a sexual assault yeah i don't know what he said that time yeah i'm the farthest oh guys don't feel bad michael's also a rapist that's impressive michael you're an absolute killer megan yes you did it again is there anything else you want to say anybody you want to put on no i already ruined it no that was amazing we love you the great michael lair everybody there you go all right back to the bucket we go we're gonna keep this thing moving along how about a hand for the amazing staff here at vulcan that helps out and bunch of wild-ass comedians and all right make some noise for your next comedian bud galloway everybody bud galloway is next on kill tony you guys having fun out there huh [Music] i know [Music] i didn't know bud galloway here he is everybody make some money for bud everyone fellas damn uh how was everybody's panditi yeah there were some good things that came out of the pandy it was a phenomenal excuse to not have to kiss my mom on the lips anymore you know she always insists you know that man um i live in la and uh no talent goes to waste in hollywood you know you're good at vaping you're talented you got hpv you can be on a national commercial with residuals 50 g's in the bank hpv money got a small dick you can be on a non-union extends commercial 300 buyout bro small dick money that's my new rap name little dicky dude small dick money's in the house luckily for me i've been type cast as a gay racist so i'm good plenty of work out there in hollywood for a young gamer bud galloway this is his i do believe first time on kill tony right bud fourth really oh it's never good when my brain makes me totally forget about someone it was all in l.a it was all in l.a okay bud very good very good i love it i held red banded shut up bud shut up bud shut up bud you bombed for a minute and a half bud shut the up now dude keep talking talk over them show your dominance dude you suck at this dominate him you walk the blind guy yeah that's not easy this is a this is a mullet heavy episode here tonight everybody looking like they're at an audition to be the new obi-wan kenobi or something like that uh welcome welcome back bud galloway does it always go that bad i don't remember your other times if you're wondering that was awful the last time went pretty well with arquette arquette loves me for some reason yeah that's when he was drinking huh that's not so bad i'm pretty up and that sucked literally we've lost count you're in the 20s of beers though right he's had a couple since being here so 18 earlier on rogan he's going through it he's literally the kobayashi of bud light just here hard at work what are you sipping on bud galloway what is that unfunny juice or something like that seems like it some good old gin or something oh man it's uh it's uh good stuff buddy [Laughter] yeah bud what do you do for a living so i'm an actress yeah have you been on anything that we might uh recognize the new roseanne which is called the connors is after she uh wrote the tweet you know i played drunk guy at the bar hitting on darlene was that once that was like a one-time thing was that yeah did your character have a name his name was uh brad oh okay you got better credits than me though like for real i mean almost snl man that's epic that was that was the best thing best career move ever bro yeah all right well anyway bud galloway so that was a one-time thing one day shoot right i'll take it from you killer [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] king and killer bud bud galloway pay attention to me over here okay okay so that shoot with the connors that was one day of your life one day john goodman talked to me man right right right okay so what about all the other days of your life what do you do for work how do you actually survive i move a lot of people's with my truck i actually helped redband move down here his lat his studio yeah truck is great you're moving the handyman of hollywood it's a great mover and now now you live here no i'm just here for two days man oh okay and you're still out in los angeles yeah yeah i just came from florida for two weeks i'm from florida okay i could i could feel those energies for sure yeah loud tampa tallahassee born in tallahassee pensacola thank you yeah i can feel it it's a real a dog energy yeah yeah yeah bottom of the barrel people from jacksonville are actually amazing jackson great people great energy jacksonville yeah i bet i bet you don't like those better people i don't i'd imagine you have a lot of hate in your blood uh but what's your love life like are there women that uh like like to be with you for like a couple hours and then it's kind of wild i've been with my girl five years whoa yeah yeah yeah wow what does she do she's an actress as well ah so you guys just live in your fantasies how does she actually make she work at the moving system she works uh at a venice bar a little hot spot what's it called the venus it's called great racist the name of the bar is the great racist it's called grand blanco great white blanco it's australian oh so you're doing like bar jokes about that bar right now that yeah thinking that maybe just maybe it'll hit well they want to have a farm out in malibu that's like farm to table and they want to call it great white land it's kind of kind of weird it's only racist if you think of it that way you think a great white shark is in like the clan or something like that like i'm confused white cake no thank you it's 20 23. what the are you talking about dude i don't know man that's just what she says i don't work there i just don't get kicked out of there all the time hey my jokes suck guess what they're not mine they're my dumb girlfriends but i wish i could trade uh you and michael for who has als uh i would love to give you michael lair's lou gehrig's disease he deserves your perfectly operational body um oh i hate you fourth time on this show well bud um congratulations on getting pulled out of the bucket um much like a lot of the artists from la that we've seen since the pandemic you i do believe are worse than ever i mean just the level of talent it is horrendous tony knock it off dude that's mean you gay tony's being a that's harsh trust me he's not wrong you did suck but he shouldn't be mean that's true it's all right i i uh i had just smoked a j and i just knew i was gonna be next yeah that's cool as hell yeah i smoke this jade yeah now i'm gonna go eat it on stage that jay gave me the munchies dude i'm about to eat it bro i got my new york jersey on even though i'm from florida and live in l.a oh look at that little league oh my god little league jersey little league joke it was it was my eighth grade jersey they got us the away jerseys we were the perdido florida yankees but they got us the way wow wow you got a jersey how many of you think bud should hang himself right now on the show live it could be the first ever live hanging all right there he goes bud galloway everybody we're gonna go back to this bucket here you go bud take a little joke there he goes bud galloway everybody somehow taking longer than michael lehrer to leave the stage jesus christ bro get the out of the 8th grade you guys having fun out there huh very good oh we know this young man he's an employee here he may have sat here tonight make some noise for trey pack everybody trey pack is back for mass destruction we know this young man very well here he is [Music] guys my name is trey i think it's very cool that my mom decided to name me after my serving size that's pretty cool right [Applause] right [Applause] now trey is actually my middle name my first name is cafeteria now trey is actually just short for entree uh i have a girlfriend we call her appetizer because she always comes before me you know what i'm talking about brother yeah yeah dude hell yeah man this guy i don't have a girlfriend uh i'm actually very lonely i got so lonely this week i got back on the app so you guys on the apps hell yeah it's uh it's actually two for one apps at chili's i eat when i'm lonely guys i've been trying back thank you so much wow wow the apps the entree and now dessert my friend welcome back to the show trey thank you thank you great performance beginning to end very strong stuff about you jokes about you your name your size your stuff incredible stuff yes sir my favorite part was when you gave the guy a high five and we all saw your butt crack from the backside here incredible i'm sorry i've heard a plumber's crack but that was a whole another level that was i think i saw mario and luigi down there i'm so sorry imagine being the blind guy during that dude he smelled that yeah he could taste that high five dude [Music] dude my butt crack is never not showing my butt crack it's been out for 20 years absolutely a lot of people call you trey crack um trey let's talk about it where are you from originally tennessee tennessee montreal tennessee okay yes sir oh yeah and how long have you been here in texas it'll be a year here in a couple weeks oh okay and uh have you gained weight or lost weight since being dude i don't know yeah i've been working here three four days a week i would think i would floss right they didn't even call it the gas company until you signed on actually um okay so like what are some places that you enjoy eating at here in uh austin texas i went to uh i went to terry black's today i don't wow you're not gonna like what i have to say about it i promise you really yeah it's not that great whoa what did you get you didn't like it you seem like the kind of guy that doesn't like anything that has to do with blacks [Applause] if it was terry white he'd be like that's good all right no yeah i don't know i don't know what all the hype i'm much more what did you have exactly tell us you didn't have the jalapeno cheddar sausage did you i didn't i had a little bit of everything else though chopped beef was fine the brisket was a little too fatty for me i know that's weird but uh what not into fatty brisket dude wow imagine what that brisket thinks about you i'm fatty he's not a cannibal you know you could tell them you don't want fatty brisket you tell them what kind of brisket you want but then i'm just dude if i look like this i can't start making demands at the at the counter hey just just give it to me however you want if you don't give me what i want i'm gonna break another chair [Applause] did you try all the side dishes as well i tried every single time oh my goodness the sides are great the sides are the sides are great there you go this is the brisket for me i just i've heard all about it it's not that great wow incredible what's your favorite food you have a little guilty pleasure is there something that you always keep stocked up on big guys like you tend to have a go-to i eat texas roadhouse more than anybody grows on this planet oh yeah this guy will eat the peanuts right off the ground they don't do the they don't do the peanuts anymore oh look at look at this guy mad about the peanuts i love it that's like my dream i'm just gonna get on the road to stand up and own a texas roadhouse that's the thing yeah hurry up we're gonna do it big dude wow trey what's your love life like are you out there crushing puss dude it's literally [Applause] dude i don't i don't do as bad as you'd think okay and this shot this show actually all right a handsome guy though i like to shave and shape your head and your haircut i think it's very handsome thank you all right it's like a before and after pic what are you doing later shane dude let's hang out i mean looking exactly like you later yeah no actually i have i'm here so often i have girls come up to me because they recognize me from the show so this show actually helps wow the the other end of that coin is while i'm trying to talk to a girl dudes will come up to me and be like hey bro how much weight have you lost and i'm like dude not enough to this girl tonight you know what i mean like would you leave me alone for a second right right there's a lot of easy girls in austin huh oh yeah yeah for sure wow okay easy enough for you so what do you normally do with a girl like do you guys go i have sex with them that's normal right but you just go back to your what do you have like a king size or oh yeah the the bit what's the california i got the big ass bed i had to buy a special frame from amazon three thousand that's hot yeah do you let them know before you go yeah i've broke so many beds like you have no you have no idea i've been breaking in bed since 13 bro that's not right breaking beds jerry sandusky the late great jerry sanders r.i.p to one of the goats at breaking 13 year old beds [Music] and cribs as well he's also the king of breaking crips um okay trey interesting fun fact about your life that we've never found out about on this show uh i used to be a youth minister that's awesome yeah dude yeah it's always the freaks you can look it up talk about breaking breads you know what i'm saying breaking hymns yeah it's seven it's 17 years old i was like a touring youth minister man a lot of black jobs could you give us a sermon no definitely could oh yeah come on give us a little bit of a did you have a little soul yeah trey totally abandon your faith right now [Laughter] yeah jesus is watching make it a joke remember that yeah i don't want to like i feel like i'm going to damn myself to hell or this could turn into a revival i don't know we could make dreams happen dude i did i used to do a lot of stuff about my weight in uh all right there it is [Music] think about i carry my weight around but my weight is nowhere near [Applause] oh the weight of our sins that jesus far on himself on the cross ladies and gentlemen [Applause] wow now we're gonna send around kfc buckets drop your money in the bucket so i can get home later wow oh my goodness that is incredible trade pack turn to christ wow this guy knows about church's chicken oh that's good that's good he got involved when he found out about the last supper he's like oh i want to see i want to be on the right side of that table you know what i'm saying that's an amazing sermon it's just it's all it really is really oh it went well i went from from preaching to theater to this and it's all just kind of been the same thing really yeah these guys are just playing my heart rate right now that's pretty great thanks little song called super ventricular tachycardia right there hey trey i would love to have you on the secret show thursday there you go trey peck everybody there he goes all right [Applause] you already have a joke book right trey you have a big joke book yep there he goes trey pack everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] remember how shitty that last guy was yeah what a idiot yeah bud galloway still lingering his energies are still up here tonali day two on or something like that d e's the day's swan tonally here we go [Music] tonali [Music] [Music] good to meet you i know some people say hey is that italian is that an italian name and i said well my husband's italian so i had a little italian in me last night [Applause] i'm not married anymore thank god i'm not married anymore i got out of that relationship um so i got my my surname back the aslan nice to meet you hey okay after a comedy y'all i wrote i just started i just celebrated nine months so technically i can give birth and be the baby at the same time no but when you're starting comedy you starting comedy comedic friends want to say hey you should do this you should do that and everyone knows when you start a new endeavor there's no linear path to anyone's journey when you start a new endeavor am i right except when you're doing cocaine man that's mostly all linear but there are some bumps in the road jesus christ holy that was incredible by far one of the funniest cleaning ladies we've ever had on the show hi me maybe you could start cleaning up the mess you just created on stage tony you are absolutely god-awful stop stop knocking dude i'm sleeping let us sleep in knock it off dude it's annoying you know i'm sleeping oh no no no no i've been traveling on the road i haven't slept in a while what do you mean where have you been traveling from el paso texas oh okay i had to run a comedic run so i ran him over wait what so we got to close these borders man i mean that's crazy my comedic mentor had uh some shows down who's your comedic mentor okay who he's been doing here 11 years me uh nine months nine months you've been doing stand-up comedy and nobody told you to never do that little italian in me joke nobody's been like hey just to let you know i think that might be the oldest joke in the world not one person not your mentor nobody no passerbys nobody people seem to like it oh no no no no no abraham lincoln liked it i got five on that so this mentoring you you guys hooking up you guys hanging out you just drive them around and go on his next plateau i feel like palato yes i believe that is exactly how you say that that's how you that's what you want in your career he's on he's about to hit his next plateau for the next five years he's gonna coast 11 years okay are you his agent manager as well no just this driver just his drivers so you drove all the way from el paso when was that today in the middle of last week i think i don't remember yeah right oh we like tamales yeah because you'd like something hot to open up during christmas right no it's because we heard you're set and we're like that's a wrap you suck you suck you suck you suck so bad now you're pretty good don't listen to these no i'm kidding you're amazing can i get some ice on stage i have to capture her tonight well we just celebrated father's day so there's a few that's right yeah keep the jokes coming they haven't worked yet now it's time to deploy more jokes we have a fort in el paso what was that d i can i borrow you oh deep madness is literally willing to drive home right now to get away from the jokes of tonali oh wow do they do you see you do good in el paso in el paso you're like the roseanne barr or something like that i could pass in el paso yeah ah there's another one all right there was another sneaky little one you threw in there you're just doing postcards now i cannot tell a lie like wait what that's not even a joke okay uh do you have kids i do i do i've been a mom longer than i haven't right okay yikes that's okay so how many kids do you have two kids how old are they 20 what years is 22 and 16. okay 22 and 16. and the 16 year old what's is a boy or girl girl girl and has she seen you do comedy before she's still alive she refuses so no huh is the other has your is that is that a boy the older one 20 oh yeah yeah 22 yeah 22. has he seen you do stand-up comedy before uh he listens to my bits he helps me right did you have did you have custody of these kids when you had them uh yes of course did he come up with that italian bit no what's with the other one he was already born by then ah tonally okay all right um all right i'm trying to figure this out how do you make money how do you what do you do for a living i'm in casino surveillance oh okay the pit boss huh yeah all right okay absolutely man you're a snitch professional paid snitch wow incredible how long you've been doing that for a couple of months all right um that's not that long what the i'll tell you i'm gonna tell you i i'm glad i made it on here because it's the only thing that's gonna get me out of not going to work today why is it going to get you guys big they're big you're they're big fans of yours my department at the casino wow and this is in el paso well the casino's in southern park new mexico but so it's in mexico yes wow so what kind of games do they play in a mexican casino brown jack [Applause] [Music] jesus it's a good one red band doesn't even get it that's how good it is [Laughter] [Applause] i love it dude is there a lot of like cartel action is this chick it wild there in a mexican casino oh yeah it's a big exchange location we have a huge park you know you just lack oh big parking lot okay good size i watch but they want me to do something about it so i don't dollar time they stole a van on my watch so maybe that's why they let me on the extended vacation right because you're not good at a bunch of jobs very interesting are you a shitty driver too yeah we're still alive yeah who's this comic that's taking advantage of you what's this psycho's name i was like no baby you got this you're very good drive us drive us yeah yeah i have a difficult seeing out of my left eye sometimes but you can't see how you're left sometimes i can oh wow that's perfect for surveillance how many pesos is that oh my god what are you in tlc yeah left eye lopez come on guys you guys didn't even smile you're all probably wondering why i have all these scars on my eyebrow my lip no i wasn't you look more like a lopez than that left eye did that's for sure what happened to your face tlc jokes folks they were you chasing waterfalls and you got your head cut off yeah yeah your jokes are not crazy sexy or cool [Music] all right well tonally uh i mean just absolutely uh really bottom of the barrel stuff here tonight that's the risk that you take being newer at stand-up comedy and signing up for a big league show at this but luckily there were so many bad performers tonight that you're not the worst performer so far in a shocking turn of events she's somehow the third best performer on tonight's show tonali day two on everybody the kill tony debut of tonally this is a real show people this is live this is not none of these people have been screened we started a little bit late you guys think we should do one more out of the bucket huh [Music] it was a late start we can go a little bit longer than usual make some noise for joe begley everybody here we go let's see what happens here clearly anything can happen joe bigley is next [Music] here he comes everybody it's joe bigley everyone one more time for joe everybody all right what's going on so i am uh i'm new to austin texas and i've been around on the dating apps a good bit yeah it's been exciting with the dating apps have changed quite a bit when i moved here like a long time ago not when i moved here you know dating apps used to be simple you used to put in basic information about yourself where you're from what you're into a couple pictures of yourself that's it but it's changed a lot now there's all this new that you can put in you put in your political affiliations your preferred pronouns your vaccination status let me just say this okay if you put your preferred pronouns and your vaccination status in your online dating profile i don't need to know your political affiliations all right i've yet to meet somebody on one of these apps it's like preferred pronouns she her hers double vaccinated double boosted trump 2024 let's get it back baby these people do not exist thank you that's all i got joe joe you ever think about cutting that thing into a mullet and doing better on stage man you look like bill ted [Music] all right all right all right all right welcome to the show joe now you've been on before you did fantastic last time you were here so i did the uh i did the secret show when i moved here knows what it was what was that yeah hell yeah so i've seen you before for sure yeah interesting stuff joe remind us how long have you lived here in texas i've lived here for six months uh-huh why'd you why'd you let that lady derail you i gotta go i just moved here anyway i've been in texas for a long time i was literally i was upstairs and i like what i saw the bucket pulls and i just gave the up dude i was like face the audience for christ's sake jesus christ what are you gonna do okay crawl up here uh joe yes um very interesting what do you do how do you make money so i work for an accounting company right now really yeah they have someone like you yeah they need somebody like me we make it work what do you do for the accounting company so i'm like i'm writing code for them right now but i also i do stand up i go out on the road and stuff okay it's been well it's been good okay are you the mentor of tonali dayton [Laughter] yeah because i heard you're about to hit a whole new plateau [Applause] um all right joe yeah what are some fun facts about you that we don't know so i don't know man it's uh i'm new to austin i've been playing guitar a lot just hanging out i go to uh go to a lot of the bars around here have a good time right okay guys a goddamn hunk dude i don't like it i appreciate it sexy mark i don't know if you remember this but uh my buddy shot for you when you were in bridgeport and then me and you got drunk after we went to his apartment do you remember that oh we did fun ah snorted some five ants had a good time all right i gotta i gotta quit drinking [Applause] [Music] [Applause] but i'm sure we had a good time yes it was good look at you mark norman out there blacking out with edie falco over here hey i've done worse tell me for real though don't let these guys laugh those are cool bracelets it's cool you wear those dude you have a very zen uh cadence to you i appreciate it man uh what do what is that purple bracelet for so uh i we're upstairs buddy mine's from in from out of town so we're just hanging out oh okay oh nice how about the other bracelets how do you rationalize it i went to uh i went to spain last week and i got up and bought a bunch of bracelets saw tame impala it was good red band thinks you're gay that's what that sound means for sure yeah red band does not do well with bracelets he is uh he sees the bracelet uh joe what is something uh what's something you're not good at what's something you're famously bad at oh my god i'm uh i'm not that good of a drinker to be honest i always think that i can keep up and i get pretty bombed right yeah okay that's how i him in the ass what do you what do you order when you go to a uh bar you seem like a capri sun guy first problem is around here like you go out drinking you get like one i don't know like a gin and tonic and you think you've had like three of them and they're all triples and then you're falling down some stairs at the end of the night it's brutal you've fallen down stairs i'm excited all right well don't exaggerate tell the truth yeah i don't know shane i don't think i can keep pace with you the bud light yeah shut up sensei with the bud lights it's unbelievable oh my goodness gracious oh my god you're a good-looking guy this is a i think this might be the best dating scene in the united states right yeah i was in connecticut before this and it's just pretty i don't know you can tell by the time you spend in bridgeport it's absolutely brutal and down here it's it might be the easiest place to meet women in the country it's unbelievable how uh how many women do you are you're a womanizer is that what you're saying yeah i'm an absolute pig right now we're on to something give us an example of what type of uh troughing you've been doing well i think the last time i saw you i was in a relationship and we were well okay well i'm not talking about that i'm talking about after that yeah i'm like i'm like tell us what it's like being a pig out there you're like well i was in a relationship when when i met you five months ago great answer joe no i don't know the the other places i've done comedy it's like women don't like stand-up comedians in austin texas i don't know y'all are y'all are dirty as it does pretty well yeah oh this says no up here look at that she's yelling she is yeah that's not yelling about shut up [Laughter] the hell you two yapping about shut up oh you got to be careful with those ones that wear their gary clark jr hats out on a monday those old flat bims that they got pressed on congress earlier i know what's going on joe begley yes sir all right um joe i don't know what to tell you man there's a weird energy in the air tonight [Music] you did just mediocre knife i did just no one cares you bigly got laughs you did good enough that it was fine and bad enough that no one really cared that's true that is true it is true yeah i'll take it i would have loved to do a lot better but i got nervous as hell dude holy that's what happens welcome to show business my friends there he goes joe bigly everybody [Music] welcome to the land of nervousness the chamber of truth joe begley there he goes [Music] all right so we've come to the point to where now we have to uh lean on one of the absolute anchors of the show to get us home this guy a legend here in kill tony folklore writing and performing more brand new minutes than anybody ever in the history of the show this is the memphis strangler the big red machine william montgomery everybody here he is oh my goodness live in the flesh [Music] [Applause] [Music] first and foremost i just have to let everyone know that people here last week were not actually my parents uh there were actors i hire i didn't really know what it was so i did some research on it and i just wanted to say i hope all of my hispanic brothers and sisters had a happy juneteenth yesterday [Applause] i started hearing r kelly's age ain't nothing but a number on the radio a lot recently and i got to say r kelly did you write that song for me how in the hell you know i've been hollering at that young race with god damn it i messed that up i tried to talk differently and i couldn't do it i was trying to say how in the hell did you know i've been hollering at the young waitress at chuck e cheese [Laughter] i was eating breakfast with my parents this past week and my dad said man everyone really supports ukraine around here look there's even a little ukrainian flag on the waffle and i was like dad that's the gay flag it's a rainbow i know you're kidding i've started hearing billy oceans get out of my dreams get into my car on the radio a lot recently and i gotta say billy ocean did you write that song for me how in the hell did you know i've been planning on kidnapping that young waitress at chuck e cheese okay i got the second one okay william lights out montgomery at it again very much in his zone this is what he does more minutes than any other comedian ever in the history of the show and he did it again with some brand new billy ocean jokes i literally heard that song i heard it at the beginning of the week last week and i was like oh that sounds like a really weird what do you mean get out of my dreams get into my car that sounds weird and then i was trying to remember it and then it literally came on today and i was like oh that's a song and i wrote that and i thought if i threw in chuck e cheese it would make people laugh but obviously i was wrong i was thinking it would william coming in with a brand new haircut that we've never seen on a monday night before this is brand this is breaking news we've seen nothing like this before we've never seen you try to clean up your physical act in any way uh my parents said i looked homeless and came over to the apartment and i got my hair cut i had to you got real pedophile mug shot face thank you it really is hey and red band i also i didn't just shave my head and beard i also shaved my pubes and red band you always asked for my pubes if i ever shave them here they are oh my god oh my god do not do not no no no no no william do not do not no no those are my don't don't open those don't open those all right very good very good that's pure that's pure red man that's real ginger get get out of here we don't give red band anything physical to uh oh yeah that is completely disgusting wow yeah that's all over my body that's all over the lower part of my body there are some particles i'm seeing that made it i really tried hard to make sure none of these bozos opened the bag but i knew it would be impossible this dna could solve the capital right william fresh haircut still dressing like a vietnam veteran very interesting a lot of war in your days mark it's weird you did bring up the capital thing i was there on january 6th not a lot of people know that yeah i was there with my parents yeah oh yeah and shane i'm looking at your white ass you're actually whiter than i am it looks like i saw you looking earlier you hack go ahead shut them up save it up for a joke you bump go ahead go ahead are you serious right now oh the way you shook my hand in that green room i'd love to see you trash shut the up you're the one who barely shook my hand mr shankels now look at you a couple lights turn on your big shot go ahead shut the up why would you tell everybody i call you mister why would you do that oh mr gillis god why would you tell everybody i call it i call him mr gillis a couple years ago he told me that's what i'm supposed to call him and that's what i call him he's like you have to call me mr gillis from here on out and i okay i'm still doing it you asked me to do it this is the kind of argument you can see go down if you ever go to great white land and uh [Laughter] [Music] william what else has been going on so you sent your parents back to tennessee is that correct i did they are back they made it back i think it took them 27 28 hours my dad drives real slow it took them two days to make the eight mile tre or eight hour trip they really drove yeah they drove holy they don't fly on planes really yeah why after the value jet that went down in the everglades man that really messed a lot of people up people forget about that that was a horrible plane crash remember the ones in the everglades there was a value jet yeah after that happened my parents refused to get on an airplane right red man what was that you dumb ass what was that little noise dude that's when your dad overtook the pilot and somebody saw it and put that red oh man god we're headband god that was so stupid what the did you even say i don't even really hear the words that come out of your mouth no don't don't rape moving around don't don't the bad improv decision is to repeat what you said the first time all right go on red band dude don't let these guys bully you dude go rip [Music] don't let these bully you dude i just love the the real story about him cutting his hair is that his dad told him his parents go you look like a bum and he had to get his haircut because his parents told him that's true that is true we uh why is that so funny now i was there in fact i'll give you a little behind the scenes i literally had dinner with the montgomerys and uh yeah we had we had a real nice you had 12 sit down yeah as as everyone knows i ate my usual 12 potatoes that i order everywhere i go it's the only thing that i eat i operate solely off of potato powers skins and all there is no part of the potato in which i will not eat perhaps the spuds if they extend or whatever you love it when they extend i do i do i try to hold it over my mouth so that it's like an erection in my mouth i wait for the spud anyway ah so it was weird watching tony eat those potatoes it was so weird yeah by by number nine 10 11 it gets a little super strange um okay so yeah so i showed up to the nice steak dinner and william is standing there smiling with this haircut looking at me and i'm like what is going on and uh they're like we made him cut his hair isn't it great and i'm literally like no you guys are he's a comedian and he needed that silly hair this is he was all embarrassed it's like when someone comes it was so off it's like when someone saw a hair of a poodle or something like that yeah and the dog looks all sad and like he was all like like he was like all shell shocked that whole meal because he didn't know how to like eat with his new haircut or whatever i didn't i didn't you're a grown man william why did you like like say yeah i'll do this like just because your parents want it like you know i love larry and francis i thought i would throw them a bone and get my hair trimmed i don't know why it's such a big deal for you redman i don't know why you keep harping on us because like tony said that was a big part of you you know and you'd love your hair now it's gone and i don't know what to do i seriously don't know what to do with this new haircut i can't sleep at night why why can't you sleep at night i don't know i've just been having these nightmares about what what are you dreaming about nightmares of what kirby the love bug god y'all never watch that that is the scariest movie it's this car that communicates with people irving love is literally he's honoring my dreams a master of topical references william montgomery with a brand new 2023 herbie the love bug joke just billy ocean you know uh over at kirkland's signature we can get you a realistic hair piece and you don't actually work at kirkland's signature red band quit lying to these people and it's weird as you bring that up i told you not to bring it up anymore red man seriously why would you bring that up don't bring up kirkland sigma just trying to help you out man shut up no you're not chaos absolute chaos william what else before i let you go i made some really good spaghetti last night oh oh let me get let me guess angel hair wait who said that that was me that you know it was me what are you insinuating i'm losing all of my hair my hair that i do have it looks like angel here oh why is that that's a thicker noodle if angel hair famously up there with a thicker nude it's a thicker noodle it's up there with the fettuccines and the uh yeah i went with the angel here i put some bell peppers in there put some onions put some tomato sauce some tomato paste did you do that because did you do that exact recipe because that's what your parents told you today yeah that's what my mom i followed my mom's recipe [Laughter] okay now we famously plugged your cameo uh recently and the rumor on the streets is that you've been making hundreds of thousands of dollars a week on camera i made it literally last week everybody keep getting my cameos they're five thousand dollars i made 250k last week on cameo wow this is literally the number one most profitable cameo man he went high high starting number thinking that people would not buy any turns out it's a sensation it is the new uh gucci if you will 450 people got him it's literally taking over my life i'm just sending these dumbass videos okay red man why do you interrupt me i was it is uh that is a thing so uh all right william we did it again how do you feel what do you think what adjustments do you think we're gonna see of you in the future you've been doing this show longer than anybody else a lot of people you know love you a lot of people like you shut the up [Music] where do you see this all going where do you see where do you see this all going william uh there is a remake of uh what is that kid show called with the little dog blues clues no with the little jack russell terriers yeah no i'm actually being cast for the uh little boy who has a wishbone and uh it's a wkno pbs okay oh my god all right william montgomery ladies and gentlemen there he goes william montgomery doing it again and we did it again how about a hand from my guest shane gillis and mark normand huh matt and shane's secret pod and his special live in austin mark norman's podcast tuesday with stories and we might be drunk and his special on youtube is out to lunch the drawing from ryan j belt is in ari shafir is dead in it joe i believe that's also the skull of uh joe rogan perhaps he's dead in that as well but these guys made it the survivors of today's rogan episode shane gillis and mark normand everybody thank you to the red rose the yellow rose deep eddie vodka the w hotel and screwball peanut butter whiskey who presents the band hi am i right people d madness on the bass guitar matt mulling on electric and michael gonzalez on the drums some brand new exclusive kill tony merch is for sale back there in the corner hang out uh the kill tony after party starts now thank you so much everybody good night everyone thanks guys thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] see [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Kill Tony

Views: 832,262

Keywords: Kill, Tony, podcast, Comedy, Store, Belly, Room, Hollywood, stand, up, comedian, comedy, jokes, panel, one, minute, cat, angry, west, bear, Hinchcliffe, Brian, Redban

Id: L3DfL2zAZlM

Length: 99min 57sec (5997 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 11 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/Sheeneebock111]

Lmao, Ari didn’t make it to the show, tried to match Shane beer for beer on rogans show and couldn’t pull off the rally

[u/blittz]

Mark & Shane killed it but hot damn were the bucket pulls garbage. At least we didn’t have to suffer through another minute & interview from Ellis Ache again…

[u/TanClark]

Been anticipating this episode since JRE…unfortunate to have to wait until tonight but gonna make my morning commute better

[u/ArchyModge]

Meanwhile Ari is still passed out underneath Rogies’ table…

[u/GAAPInMyWorkHistory]

I am a professional drummer; Swedish dude annihilated Michael as a technical drummer. Michael was smart about it - he played loud and played some heavy grooves. Doesn’t change the fact that Swedish man Eric was better.

[u/gigachad_hypersigma]

Don't let them make fun of you dude those bracelets are cool

[u/dogplant1]

eric kicked michael gonzalez’s ass in that mexican drum off

[u/GAAPInMyWorkHistory]

Bad show for the regulars

[u/Purple_Lawfulness835]

Did anyone see the slight edit during Michaels set?