>>> AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM THE
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
>> GOOD EVENING, AMERICA. I'M VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA
HARRIS. THIS HAS BEEN A DIFFICULT YEAR
FOR ALL OF US, BUT I REALLY DO FEEL THAT WE ARE ABOUT TO SEE
SOME LIGHT. AND WHAT BETTER NIGHT TO
CELEBRATE A NEW BEGINNING THAN PASSOVER, OR AS MY ADOPTED
PEOPLE CALL IT, PESACH. THAT'S WHY IT'S TIME FOR A
KAMALA HARRIS UNITY SEDER. TONIGHT WE ASK FOUR QUESTIONS.
HOW'S SCHOOL? DID YOU EAT?
WHEN ARE YOU GIVING ME GRANDCHILDREN?
AND WHAT'S WITH THAT HAIRCUT? AND I CANNOT HAVE ONE BY MY
LONESOME. SO TO HELP ME WITH THIS I'D LIKE
TO INTRODUCE MY ROCK, MY EVERYTHING, MY SEMITIC SMOKE
SHOW, MY EVERYTHING, DOUG EMHOFF.
COME OUT HERE, SEXY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I CAN'T DO THIS. I'M TOO SHY.
I'M JUST A SHY ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER.
>> OH, COME ON. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PRETEND
IT'S JUST US, BABY. >> WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO
KNOW -- [ WHOOPS ]
LISTEN TO ME, GIRL. I SUPPORT YOU.
EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AROUND, I'M SO GOING TO BE THERE FOR YOU,
HONEY. >> YOU BETTER BE.
>> FROM TIME TO TIME YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK AROUND, I'M NOT
GOING TO BE THERE. >> OH NO.
>> THAT'S JUST ME TELLING YOU, YOU GOT THIS, BABY.
>> OH, THE SUPPORT. YOU'RE MY LOAD-BEARING WALL.
YOU HOLD UP MY ROOF. YOU'RE ALWAYS ON TOP OF MY
BASEMENT. [ DOORBELL ]
>> STRANGERS! I DON'T LIKE STRANGERS, THEY
FRIGHTEN ME. >> I'M SORRY, BABE.
OUR FIRST GUEST IS HERE. IN THE FIRT OF PESACH, I REACHED
ACROSS THE AISLE. JOE BIDEN GAVE ME A LIST OF
REPUBLICANS TO REACH OUT TO AND I'M STARTING AT THE BOTTOM.
>> STARTED AT THE BOTTOM, NOW I'M HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELCOME TO MY HOME, TED CRUZ.
>> HEY, I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A JEWISH DINNER SO I BROUGHT SOME
ISRAELI FLAG CUPCAKES. I'VE GOT A TON OF THESE LEFT
OVER FROM CPAC AND PIGS IN A BLANKET.
>> WE CAN'T HAVE PORK. OR BREAD.
SO THANK YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> HEY, BY THE WAY, SOMEBODY SCRAPED THE CRAP OUT OF A PRIUS
IN YOUR DRIVEWAY. NO IDEA WHO DID IT.
PROBABLY MY DAUGHTERS. IT DEFINITELY WASN'T ME.
MY ONLY CRIME IS LOVING TOO MUCH AND SEDITION.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S MY PRIUS, BUT IT'S ALL
GOOD. >> MAY I ASK.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR HAIR? I SEE SERIAL KILLER ON THE SIDE,
BAIT AND TACKLE SHOP OWNER IN THE FRONT.
>> IN HONOR OF PASSOVER, I HAD MY HAIRCUT DONE BY A MOYLE.
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
>> SHALOM TO THE CHILDREN. >> MEET MY SUPREMELY BEAUTIFUL
AND TALENTED STEPDAUGHTER. >> WHAT AM I LOOKING AT HERE?
AM I BREAKING YOUR EYES? GOOD.
YOU MAY THINK I MAY LOOK INSANE, BUT I ASSURE YOU I'M THE MOST
NORMAL-LOOKING PERSON IN BUSHWICK.
>> THANK YOU, ELLA, YOU'RE ELEVATING THE SEDER.
>> MAKE SURE EVERYONE HAS ENOUGH GEFILTE FISH.
>> OKAY, BUT ALL OF THIS IS GOING ON MY VISION BOARD
BECAUSE IT'S ALIVE. [ DOORBELL ]
>> LET'S SEE WHO IT IS. OH, WHY, IT'S REVEREND SENATOR
RAPHAEL WARNOCK. >> SHALOM, Y'ALL.
JON OSSOFF TOLD ME TO BRING SOME MENASHAVITZ.
>> HOW ARE THINGS GOING IN GEORGIA?
>> WELL, Y'ALL SAW "ROOTS," RIGHT?
THAT'S HOW IT GOING IN GEORGIA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, WE NEED TO MAKE SURE WE KEEP GEORGIA BLUE FOR THE NEXT
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. >> AND THE ONE AFTER THAT.
>> WELL, THAT WON'T BE EASY. THEY'LL DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN
TO KEEP BLACK PEOPLE FROM VOTING.
WE WOULDN'T VOTE ON ANYTHING IF THEY HAD THEIR WAY, NOT EVEN
"AMERICAN IDOL." JENNIFER HUDSON WOULD HAVE BEEN
KNOCKED OUT IN THE FIRST ROUND. JENNIFER DAMN HUDSON, Y'ALL.
>> NOT J-HUD! >> OH, IF YOU EXCUSE ME, I'M
GOING TO HAVE A NOSH. >> YOU GET THAT EGG, SENATOR.
>> ALL RIGHT, SO FAR REVEREND SENATOR RAPHAEL WARNOCK --
[ DOORBELL ] >> WHO COULD THAT BE, ELIJAH?
>> GOOD ONE, SWEETIE. >> HEY!
>> OH, WHY IT'S JOE BIDEN! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HOW ARE YOU? >> HEY DID YOU ALL CATCH MY
PRESS CONFERENCE? SO EASY.
A LOT OF CRITICS THOUGHT I WASN'T MENTALLY PREPARED ENOUGH.
BUT I THINK I PROVED THEM ALL WRONG.
[ LAUGHTER ] OH, KAMALA.
NOT SURE YOU HEARD. I PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF SOLVING
THE IMMIGRATION PROBLEM AT THE MEXICAN BORDER.
>> YES, I DID HEAR THAT, WOW. THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY.
SUCH A -- FUN, SOLVABLE PROBLEM. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND WHAT ARE YOU IN CHARGE OF? >> MOI?
GIVING OUT CHECKS. WHO WANTS STIMMIES?
MAKE IT RAIN! IT'S A NOR'EASTER?
>> OH, BIDEN. >> GUESS WHAT?
I GOT A LITTLE PASSOVER SURPRISE FOR YOU ALL. THERE HE IS.
COME ON IN HERE, THAT'S RIGHT. MY DOG, IT'S MAJOR, BACK FROM
BEING RETRAINED. ALL BETTER NOW, AREN'T YOU,
MAJOR? SWEET POOCH.
[ GROWLING ] >> THANK GOD WE CAN HANG OUT NOW
THAT WE'RE ALL VACCINATED, ISN'T IT GREAT?
[ GROWLING ] >> COME ON PRESIDENT, DIDN'T YOU
CATCH MY PRESS CONFERENCE? >> YEAH, I DID.
>> BORING. >> I SWITCHED OVER TO A TRUCKERS
MARATHON. >> SOMETHING SPOOKED THAT HELL
HOUND. >> IT'S MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE!
>> CRANKY FOR ANTIFA HEADQUARTERS.
>> WHY DON'T YOU KNOCK ON THE DOOR?
>> NO, NO. SINCE JANUARY 6th I'VE BEEN
ENTERING DWELLINGS INSURRECTION STYLE.
I DON'T TEST DOORS. DOORS IS WHAT IS DESTROYING THIS
COUNTRY. I'LL ONLY ENTER ROOMS THROUGH
HVAC DUCTS, WINDOWS -- >> A WORD?
>> WHAT, BABY, WHAT? >> SWEETIE.
I'M WORRIED THIS UNITY THING IS TEARING EVERYBODY APART.
>> SHH, KAMALA. THERE'S A PASSOVER SEDER SONG.
THERE'S A SAYING. "DAYENU."
IT MEANS "IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH."
AND IF YOU'RE JUST VICE PRESIDENT --
>> OH, NO. THAT WON'T BE ENOUGH.
>> I WANT YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
