JOEY DIAZ - Best Moments on the Joe Rogan Experience (Part 15)

know when a priest walks down the aisle and they have that thing that they swing and there's burning incense inside of it that used to be weed that's what they used to do in what dimension i don't know at one point i believe it was weak then it became that [ __ ] that batman shot at the green hornet it was like pedophile smoke you you wake up your shirts bomb backwards and [ __ ] your pants are missing so i stopped the inedibles and jorog rogan my sleep pattern changed bad like my body did not know how to go to fall asleep by itself i went through a month of [ __ ] two hours of sleep jesus doing a bunch of [ __ ] and then three more hours in the app did you try anything did you try like melatonin or anything like that i did cocaine for 30 years melatonin the diet 20 turkeys they could all suck my dick i drink them all together the tea the vine leave me alone please leave me the [ __ ] alone all right go [ __ ] yourself are you [ __ ] nuts good morning it's the fourth of july you're [ __ ] with an american [ __ ] the one guy went to assam saddam hussein i had a friend that used to shoot and eat steroids and never do a push-up jesus christ he was whacked that's crazy i go dog when are you going to go to the gym next week that's insane i'll never forget him seeing him eat like half a bottle of winnie v the pink football like the pink ones in the 80s he would just put him in his hand like tic tacs with a beer oh my god gosh gym tomorrow i did some push-ups today just my biceps that's all i need a few biceps you understand me joe rogan there's no [ __ ] losers in my [ __ ] house sleep in the garage no dinner this silence brought to you by marijuana i didn't no no i didn't know i thought he was looking for something or whatever i'm ready to [ __ ] go you know me though you are almost totally closed he's barely a slit and he's just dazed who's the guest who is that it's raining bozzia a kid that i told on this podcast yeah he can't take him though hi what is the name of this video jamie lee and out of space elisa in outer space look at him go he's gone i would get these okay i would go in the afternoons and i would get a 180 and i would rip the cover off to 180 and i would take a 67 60 milligram woman i'd eat that one it was like two in the afternoon they don't do nothing to me i'd eat like a 60 and i'd take the 180 and put in the 60 rapper oh no and then i'd bring it to him put it on the table and in front of him i go here and i'd open it up for him and he wouldn't see that it was half opened already uh and i would give him the 60. but it was like last night i gave him an expired one it had a little bit of mold on it and it had all these open mic spots and it had classes that you could take and there was a class in boulder for 33 dollars three sundays in a row at the university of colorado part of the continuing education the guy that taught it his name was jeff harms and i went the first sunday did okay went the second sunday did okay and the third sunday i performed and on the way out he took me inside and he goes i don't know how serious you are about this but you're on to something if you want to do it let me know and i left that going i want to sell coke [ __ ] crap so how i lashed out was by robbing you that was the only weapon i had in the world was to rob you joe rogan [ __ ] with me this studio would get robbed and lit on [ __ ] fire and joe knew it was me and what the [ __ ] was he gonna do i'm with carmine the [ __ ] you gonna do they call the cops it's karma who's gonna answer the phone next time don't [ __ ] with me you'll know next time not to [ __ ] with me when i tell you to give me that grammar coke and i'll pay you on friday you'll [ __ ] give it to me all right there's a thousand men at home waiting right now to get me [ __ ] dude every day a new guy gets [ __ ] called out for something like that what's this gonna be like in five years nobody's gonna be able to even ask for a [ __ ] piece right or wrong nobody's gonna go hey let me give you a little stab let me give you a little bacaloosh blue is all 16. whew that's a lot of states at 16. yeah that's kind of crazy it's just a lot of [ __ ] u.s states how cool it's 16. that's crazy 14-18 18 central excuse me what does it say central america oh 14 to 18 in central america interesting that's uh that age of consent thing is bananas go back to that little map again please that is weird to look at i would have thought there would be way less of those 16 look how many 16s there are and what are the darker ones can you scroll all the way down so we can see the whole scale so 17 is that and then wow taxes are seven green is 18. so it's only like florida california there's less greens and there are blues more the age of consent is 16. is this current is that possible this is not current it seems nuts alaska's 16-2 i assumed it was all 18. i thought florida was like eight you know florida could be like seven six and a half you never know that i'm [ __ ] that crazy place too long or too short of an interval can result in abnormal heart rhythms called arrhythmias as a matter of fact i had to stop giving mama stabbing in the mornings you were worried about heart attacks yeah cause that was my more i love more than eating [ __ ] in the morning just wake him up whoa what is all this when you kick mama with that leg in the morning you know what i'm saying you ever give your little wife a tap in the morning she pops her head up and then they they already know they get up they pee they dry the monkey good they come back naked you eat that [ __ ] monkey and then you start giving them a stab them like a soldier look at women don't die a heart attacks why because they bleed every month what do you only ask those that don't take the what's the matter with you today you're like a [ __ ] what i'm just you're just with you buddy okay relax you don't want to be no i'm enjoying your conversation i don't know you're just smoking so much weed you're getting paranoid no i love it you've taken five minutes off that thing you just been just sucking it down and getting deeper and deeper into the hole you're like what's the matter it's not nothing's a matter at all it's the fourth thing you're like one of the things a lot of people have been saying with uh especially the me too movement is that people are more cautious about saying controversial jokes now do you feel that you feel like energy in the air being different do you feel like people are more sensitive i know i know you won't get mad at me i feel the energy is different but guess what gee what it don't apply to me it don't apply to me it doesn't apply to me and it's never going to apply to me okay i understand me shooting you special on your network you don't want me to use certain words there's parts and i and i get that this is a business right this is a business and i got miles to feed but when i'm at the comedy store when i'm at the improv when i'm at the life factory when i'm in flappers when i'm at the haha when i'm at uh new york gotham you gotta let it fly i'm gonna let it fly you're gonna let it fly okay and i'm sorry no no just so you know no sorry you know this is just so you know you know what i put on yesterday what'd you put on guess what i put on the studio yesterday what and this is it this is it because it's time we're not taking it no more i'm not taking it no more i put on an album and again i'm very sorry if i offend somebody i didn't name it this he did so take your [ __ ] problem up with him name of the album is bicentennial [ __ ] by james uh richard pryor i put it on i listened to it twice and i did an edible and cried what i brought up with we were talking about the you know air quotes me too era people are going after people today for good or for bad and to to still have a wild controversial act in this politically what do you want hold on one second what are we going after me two people for for me taking in the back grabbing your titties grabbing your [ __ ] for you sucking my dick for a movie role or for something like that all those things really don't exist in my life right i have a wife and i have a child they don't exist in my life if you want to come at me for sucking my dick at night in 2002 we were both both doing blow go ahead be my guest be my guest i broke into my friend's house and i broke in the window and it was freezing so i couldn't even sleep in that room i had to sleep in the hallway and there was a mattress on the wall that had like pistons from all the kids and i pulled it down i slept on it and when i woke up he had a dog and when it was it was too cold he just let the dog [ __ ] downstairs and there was like 20 pieces of little rolled up [ __ ] that had been you know like when the the juice goes out of them they just roll up what's those things that you use is it organ what are those accordions accordions it was like a piece of [ __ ] shrinks like an accordion when the moisture goes out of it it really does so if you take a [ __ ] that's this big right and you put it in a box come back a week later it's like this is big how do i know that because i did it to a guy in prison i took a [ __ ] in a welfare box one time you know oh jesus you know the boxes of cheese where the cheese comes in american cheese yes this dude had long hair and would always try to play me like he was with the biker dudes oh she thought he was shaking the box for him but he played he where he lived in the key worked in the kitchen he forgot i ran the kitchen and it was all me and black dudes so one day i got one of the welfare cheese boxes and i took like a 22 24 inch it looked like a lizard it just it was just a long like you know thin at the end like one of those things that tapered like a snail that's what it looks like a long brown snail and i fit it perfectly into this cheese box and i took a flag on the american flag like from the cheese and i put it on top and i put it in this drawer and every night and he had the first bunk on the way out so everybody had to walk and all the black guys would open the door and go god damn it smells like [ __ ] in this [ __ ] and he kept saying i know it does i don't know why it smells like [ __ ] in here and after like a month when they won this draw everybody kept saying man it smells like [ __ ] man he went in this drawer opened it up and he found this box he opened it up and i never forget him knocking on my bunk going i'm gonna find out who did this to me like what they do to you and he goes look at this like what is it and i knew it was [ __ ] but it had shrunken down from the 24 inches to like six little inches it just shrunk down when all the moisture goes out i write my thought page down for the day then i take my ipad out and i either write a chapter in the book i try to write towards the book and while i'm writing the book you're writing a book right now i'm trying i'm trying how long have you been doing this 22 [ __ ] years joe rogan that that that scene of him and her getting married she's so young and so hot and he's so old and wrecked and rich as [ __ ] in a wheelchair it's such a classic scenario it was so good you called her a kentucky fry hooker if i had him call her a kentucky private record like if she wanted that money she had to do it but she didn't keep doing [ __ ] and then that's yeah he's going father he's going and he wakes up and he's like it's time to lick my balls it's time and i remember there was a pizza parlor when i was a kid his name was nick the greek [ __ ] tremendous pizza even though he was greek like we let it slide he put the sicilian by the window and it was the flies would land on it it was like the airport for the flyers they were laying we would break his balls nick but i remember i went down the quaalude one night [ __ ] up to the gills with vomit all over my shirt and every time he'd seen me he called me [ __ ] balushi that's when belushi almost died it was and he would have for years he called me [ __ ] balushi and there was another kid who had a beard he called him ayatollah khamenei like he had nicknames for us but that's a weird it bothered me after a while he would call me belushi and when belushi died it really started bothering me like my next he would call me belushi to my face look who it is [ __ ] balushi whoa i was [ __ ] up i went in there one night on the quail and opened up the red pepper and threw it at him but i used to sell him jewelry like i would was selling stolen jimmy and nick were tight nick was the pizza parlor 50 yards from the high school and you could run a tab with nick and nick used to i used to give make jewelry and he would look at me and he'd go speak how much do you think that's worth because jewelry was 800 an ounce at that time gold and i would bring him jewelry he would look at it and then take it give me money and put it in one of his pockets from his [ __ ] apron so two days later i'd go in and go nick let me use your bathroom and i go in there and stick my hand in the apron and take the jewelry back and then a week later i'd go back to him nick how much for the ring and he'd look at me and he was racist as [ __ ] like he would either call me belushi or [ __ ] to my face like it didn't matter there was a kid you know this is on kennedy boulevard this is a big boulevard and there was a kid that would come in there i'm still dear friends with that his family had money and he would go in there and buy a slice of pizza but he would cross the street because the iced tea across the street was a dime cheaper remember when iced tea came in those [ __ ] cardboard milk cardboards yeah he would always cross the street so nick would be having a conversation was like what's going on and also he'd go with and we go he went across the street to get the ice cream he would [ __ ] flip out he'd run from behind the counter run onto county boulevard hundreds of people would be out there and i he yelled at the kid tony you [ __ ] jew you [ __ ] you [ __ ] jew the kid wasn't jewish he was italian no hair on my legs i got minimal hair on my shoulders i got no hair on my back i'm gonna lose you don't have any hair on your arms nothing nothing i got hair that grows out of my ears this times i stick a q-tip in my ear and i can hear the hair twisting in my [ __ ] ear you know what that's like my eyebrows bro get bushy as [ __ ] i got to bring scissors with me on the road to trim mine because and you're in your mirror at home you don't see this [ __ ] still you get on the road with light in the hotel room and you're like look at this [ __ ] hair growing out of my nose don't let me tell you it is a volunteer fireman you're a volunteer fireman because all right so cocaine was 1800 an ounce at the time in snowmass my buddy said get it to me for 800 in jersey so i would go back and forth and i was making all this dough on it the people found out the guy that they blew up they they put a pipe bomb in this guy's car and they blew him up his name was steven grabo he left a big gap in this [ __ ] drug place so i was gonna kill him oh yeah they killed this poor bastard in colorado in aspen 36 days before he was to stand trial for they could never get him for cocaine he was making six million every six weeks i spoke about this honestly every six weeks in 1984 they arrested him the first time in 83 they brought him to denver they found 9 million altogether cash then in 84 was when he went every night he'd work out he was a good looking dude that kept in shape he had 20 different cars and every night he'd give the guy at the door five dollars to start the car tonight the guy took the night off he started his own car they put a pipe bomb in his car and blew him up he lived he made it all the way to the hospital but something went so deep up his ass but he just bled to death so he left this gap so this guy approached him and then he's like man these people are mad at you they want to do business with you you're cutting them out so i had to talk to them and they said listen for you to buy we never do it face-to-face so they have an aspen club and they have a place called to see if the aspen club is still you know in those days these places were a thousand a month to walk in and i knew a girl that used to go to the aspen club and she used to tell me she used to take showers right next to barbie remember barbie benton and then bobby benton had a beautiful bush she would tell me every night barbie benton's got a beautiful [ __ ] bush it's perfect so there's the aspen club and the snowmass club snowmass club has golfing you know condos around the thing it was like 900 a month to be a member i couldn't have been a member so the only way i could become a member was by being a volunteer fireman then they'd give you admission and so for 90 days i had a train you know go up two flights to staying on a ladder carry a rope but basically he was putting out when tourists come they don't know how to [ __ ] turn on a fireplace so they clean out the showers and they put them in and then these people would put them in a dumpster so 10 out of 10. all you're doing is dumpster fires that's all you're doing but you got access to the snowmass club so basically all you had to do was walk into the snowman's club give the girl the ten thousand dollars put on your gym clothes work out and by the time you got back to your locker the coke was in the locker it was all in they were all in everybody was involved everybody was involved so the girl that worked this that she was getting a piece whoever knew all you had to do was say hi how you doing joey yeah okay wow and then later on i'd go on the locker the coke would be there i'd get like a half eight ounces you know i was no dealer and i'd take it home but then i started getting coked up and every time there was a fire i went to like two fires and there were both dumpsters and there's a 16 idiots with fire hose i'm like is this necessary they even gave me like a little fire truck like a little uh toyota truck with like a bell on it to go to the fires that's like the third fire stopped showing up for two months they could where are you zero to base where are you listening i'm starting to go get my dick sucked you want me to go put on a fire in a dumpster go [ __ ] yourself they came over and took the dumpster and then i went to work for this other dude dick there was three dicks the guy i worked for was dick self dick kelly and dick dune was the mayor so i had a buddy who used to go you're surrounded by dick dick dick dick so dick kelly had one of those snow companies and they wanted me to go and now i don't know what they call joe rogan so straight me up it's a hi-lo that shovel snow what's a high-low a high-level when they're in a warehouse oh small truck that pushes snow around so he was another poor bastard that made a mistake and hired me that winter and yeah i had to be that four in the morning four in the morning i'm on my second grandma blow he'd be in front of my house beeping bam bam bam i'm gonna go [ __ ] himself i'm not working tonight he came and took his truck i was on a roll up there i was on a [ __ ] roll what is that show called goddamn goddamn comedy jam yeah you've done that yeah what'd you sing uh killing in the name of love oh that's right you did a reason worst anxiety ever did you oh my god singing and doing comedy is two different [ __ ] worlds did you have to learn the song and practice it yeah they wanted me to go to rehearsal but i couldn't go to rehearsal that day she had no rehearsal no rehearsal i knew the song you know it's not yeah where is this being held at this is that this one was a couple years ago this is like a year and a half ago i love music i'm just i love all this [ __ ] i just can't all that [ __ ] is [ __ ] to me why do you think i said that [ __ ] to you last week about the ambien i wasn't [ __ ] around with you trying to be cute i do everything i'm sober but i do everything i'm sober right now but i do everything i don't do coke i don't do heroin i don't do oxycontins right but on the road people give you [ __ ] and sometimes i put it in my pocket in the road people give you [ __ ] oh people give me [ __ ] all the time you take the [ __ ] people give you all the time don't i just i just took some acid [ __ ] uh somebody gave me bladder acid and i put it in the vine i put it in the battery thing i have like a shaver and i took the bladder acid and put in the battery thing so it became like battery ass and i called lee and i totally it was wolfman jackasses he didn't know wolfman jack was this man jack i don't watch baseball throughout the year i don't have time but the cuban once september comes i love the art form joe rogan it's a beautiful by the way not only did i get left back and i got a g d i'm holding i'm the only cuban that couldn't play baseball i'm possibly the only cuban that was the worst baseball player in the [ __ ] world even my mother stopped going to the games i can't i can't you just embarrass the [ __ ] out of me i was terrible porn came porn in those days if you went to the back of a dirty magazine not playboy and not penthouse but anything else they would actually send you a projector with three movies for say 14.95 it was a low end projector it probably gonna work 10 times but at least you got to watch porn and they'd send you a reel to reel that was so bad porn was so bad and i still remember a story with me and my friends chipping in and getting the the [ __ ] reel to reel with the thing and plugging it in the wall and putting sheets on the windows and it was just horrible horrible porn like chicks they would find off the streets flapjack titties somebody turned cigarettes off on the chest and this chick was half on drugs and she had to suck the guy's dick and the most vivid picture i remember is when she took the mayonnaise with the bread like she was sucking this guy's dick the guy's dick had been beat up and she took mayonnaise miracle whip that's why i never liked miracle whip she put it on the bread and made a dick sandwich and put it into his dick and it was like me and three other 12 year olds dog we almost had a heart attack do you understand me like our heads blew up like turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it up i had this skinny girlfriend like i always had girls that were friends and after the girls would leave my mom would pull me aside and said what's going on i go nothing you know she's just a friend and i would stream out of the house i can't believe it you know they were friends but there was this one skinny girl that i used to bring over in the seventh grade and my mother called us when i have to do it like she called us making out so she asked me as a man she goes from now on do me a [ __ ] favor if she's here and i'm downstairs just leave the door up my mom was one of those dogs she was one of those just do me a favor just for me in the middle of things when i leave lock the door but if i'm here just leave the door open and i would leave it open the foot and then try to eight inches six inch it and she would have to come up and say oh so i'm tony what did i tell you leave the [ __ ] door open and then you you're an animal at that age so at that age you finally talking mental illness because all i was doing was dry humping this girl that's all i was doing we weren't having sex i think i sucked the tits one time you know we weren't having sex we were just making out and dry humping but one day i had uh my mom had the bar still and she would just [ __ ] come home in the afternoons to see if i was at this broad and one dad didn't hear her and she brought one of her friends up with me one of her friends with her and i'm in there just swap and spit with the chick but i hear something on the wall like something's going on but i kept dry humping and we had earth wind and fire can't hide love a great [ __ ] arm off that's the way of the world i'm driving up in this check to death and all of a sudden i hear a ladder slip and the guy starts yelling ah and i ran downstairs and it was my one of my mother's friends leonardo he used to be a bookie at my mother's bar so my mother goes i got to get to the bottom of this i got to know what this kid's getting laid so he volunteers to put the ladder at the side of the house to see if i'm getting laid to look in the window oh my god i had an air conditioner with a curtain he could never see it anyway but this girl pissed off my mom for years this went on for about a year and then i started taking his shirt off and sucking the tits and my dad came home one day and caught him in the closet and that was the end and then my mom would give me [ __ ] for a little while i gotta be 12 13. i'm in the sixth grade me and this girl would watch the osmonds on friday and saturday donnie and marie and i would get pissed off because she had a crush on [ __ ] donny you know you know you're a kid and then one day and but then we figured out [ __ ] if they're gonna watch this after three why don't we play hooky from 12 to three we could dry up for three hours and nobody will know your grandmother works my mother's definitely not coming home so we used to play hooky and one day they called us and her and i had like there was 20 feet between us on the fence their parents had a house right behind mine and my mom went into the backyard like the [ __ ] spanish woman that she is and started yelling your daughter's a [ __ ] oh she's over here every day i don't know what they do in that room i hope she's not sucking his dick oh my god my daughter was just a my son was a regular little boy until your daughter took over and i never i used to walk home and i remember walking the house and the mom was like can i talk to you for a second your mom's out there yelling horrible things about my daughter calling her orange [ __ ] wow i had to go home and tell my mama what's up with that she's a [ __ ] [ __ ] but a joke my mom that that woman drove me and that's why i got a girlfriend no more problems after that it was just this skinny chick that drove my mother [ __ ] crazy i mean when i have daughters you and i have daughters which is uh that's a hell on earth having a daughter is how on earth and there's some people who want to put themselves in a dangerous way they don't think they know i [ __ ] hate all that [ __ ] i [ __ ] hate all that [ __ ] i like controlling my situation i really do i don't want to sound shallow i would love to be able to have a passport and go to china and go to italy but i'm not going nowhere where there's nothing [ __ ] crazy going on i don't need that in my life right i don't want to hear a bomb when i'm [ __ ] sleeping when i'm in israel talk to harvard the other day you can hear bombs going [ __ ] harry's like telling me jokes on the phone yeah and you hear a bomb going off and [ __ ] i don't need that i don't need none of that [ __ ] that's putting yourself in harm's way you know and i appreciate the balls i appreciate the balls of you climbing up mountain in gero i appreciate all that stuff but it's not in my percentage graph i believe in percentages you understand me i get it so uh it's just the other night i read so i get high at night guys like i do comedy and to come down i smoke 55 [ __ ] bong hits sometimes you don't have to say a joke on twitter the joke is written when you read it as a human being you're saying this is a very interesting article but at the same time it does have elements of humor in it there's an article of a hot chick and it says mother goes to court to complain about the teacher who [ __ ] a 15 year old kid because his life has changed it's never been the same since she [ __ ] him sure doesn't the kid's never gonna get his dick sucked like that again can you imagine getting the teacher to blow your horn when you're in high school one of those dirty teeth did you see the picture of a joe rogan with a fish on a boat with a bikini now you take this chick to the prom and she's sucking your dick crying you're going to say like i've never done this before you know what i'm saying like reluctant sure his life has changed yeah it's a joke dawg i got attacked for two days and i didn't re-attack people i turned it around and i called them love and i said merry christmas and they had nowhere to go it's so funny that you can get caught in that they forget we're comedians we are a tube a tube that transports something really ugly into something that's still ugly but a little bit of funny to it yeah i cracked a joke when i found my mother dead on the floor to myself would you say i knew she was never gonna know i got left back because i got left back but i never told and it was coming on a year that i had a talent she was she kept asking me have you chosen to college yet and i'm in sophomore year for three years i ran a scam with my mother that i had that i i never tell her she thought i was a junior i was really a sophomore so as soon as i made that turn i picked her up i saw her arm was purple i kissed her forehead but i remember popping up and going i knew this [ __ ] wasn't gonna ever find that i got my back before i died 9-1-1 so if i dropped humor at that situation that's how i [ __ ] handle myself well that's how you alleviate pressure yeah you have to drop human i will drop a bomb on you at a funeral john rogan i will drop a bomb on you at a funeral that you will look at me and go joe dean's the ball's on you but thank god you came so benjamin brett those good-looking dudes they started in general hospital and you want me on general hospital you [ __ ] crazy i sent them for real i swear to god my age it's like they really want you real joey what do you want me to do man go send it to him what do you want me they're never going to hire me bro they called right back come on down for three days wow you walk in there joe rogan you give him your id it's that fast you go to your room it'll say scene 28 prepare wardrobe you're 10 minutes away you put whatever wardrobe they give you on they have cue cards for you no they have a yeah under a [ __ ] under the cameras it's a three camera shoot you go out that says okay actor number 28 come out you come out how are you doing j rogan very nice to meet you okay let's do this action boom boom boom boom let's say you [ __ ] up your line they don't give a [ __ ] like if you start from all alone we're starting from that line cut moving ahead wow and often they switch you out blah blah blah they put makeup on you and they're like you're not in the scene just sit over here for five minutes bro five minutes they come right back to you all right you're ready you're in scene three and you're like what the [ __ ] just happened i'm sick and tired of people coming to me going oh my god the drive to san diego was horrific what time did you go one in the afternoon can i smack you now or should i smack you in the mouth later this is 1987. the lady told me right i'll know if you're using or not and i stayed to the program and it went down down down down down and then i joined the voluntary group and my buddy sent me an eighth of thai weed and i remember smoking a joint and going back and the guy's like dog did you smoke a joint before you came in for the test it was like levels we've never seen before but the guy i had as a boss was a dick his name was dirk jordan he was just a dick dog he was one of those guys that was one of us but when they got the manager's job and when then i'm back there washing a [ __ ] car and i see a dead rat and i picked the [ __ ] rat up and he had his jacket hanging by the door i put the dead rat in his pocket right on his jacket right you know me though i go home i get stoned i don't know nothing the next morning he comes in bro and his cat car is [ __ ] up like he hit like a pole he reached didn't fill the rat he went in his pocket to get a cigarette oh and he pulled the [ __ ] rat out and he [ __ ] just went crazy and hit like a pole he came in running i know who did this i'm gonna get to the bottom of this and he kept blaming some other guy i'm sitting there all the time i'll never forget that news name and what he did in the scumbag he was to me but on fridays he would make me feel bad like he'd go so how many hours did you work and i'd go 38 he go no i'm paying you for 30. and he bullied me this guy but every friday he go this friday i'm going away i'm going here to [ __ ] my wife in the ass and he was always an [ __ ] and then all of a sudden i got my construct my check i got this check i was waiting for and one saturday i'm sitting here i'm like i'm sick of this [ __ ] i'm gonna rob his house and i jumped the fence and i kicked the back door open and he was a guy that bought hot [ __ ] on the side the guy was just a sack of [ __ ] and he must add i don't know how many [ __ ] bottles and cases of dom perignon so i [ __ ] ran up to the corner called my buddy go meet me at this address and i took every bottle of dom perignon that he had and i sold him at liquor stores i took his checkbook i mean i buried this [ __ ] guy just for how bad he treated me with such a [ __ ] scumbag i got a piece so bad well then go ahead go do your thing brother i'm going to piss talk to jamie and i'll come back i'm not done yet take your time by hurry up and [ __ ] like that it's the holiday season you're sitting around right now thinking you see what's going on with joe rogan that's what happens when you turn 50 [ __ ] so prepare you drink your water you try to be healthy but you gotta pee all [ __ ] day this is what i live with every [ __ ] night i go to bed i'm nice and sleepy and at one point i gotta [ __ ] get up and pee and you gotta and it comes out nice and slow to really torture you to really make you think about that ham and cheese sandwich in the [ __ ] refrigerator should you stay up and eat that [ __ ] thing thank god it's merry christmas time the problem with hashes no matter what you smoke a hash it doubles in your lungs what do you mean it the the smoke doubles in your lungs how does it do that do i look like johnny [ __ ] scientist i don't know next time one of these smart guys comes on the show i asked him

Channel: robynosk

Views: 578,968

Rating: 4.8908587 out of 5

Keywords: Joey Diaz, Joe Rogan, JRE, PowerfulJRE, The Joe Rogan Experience, Joe Rogan Experience, Podcast, Funny, Best, Funniest, Moments, Laugh, Scream, CoCo, #1140, #1190, #1220

Id: Edw16MqUIxs

Length: 36min 57sec (2217 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 16 2020