HoneyDew #64 | Joey Diaz Part 4

this episode is brought to you by upstart more on that later let's get into the do but before we do I want to tell you and I apologize for this it's not something I really wanted to do but Phoenix I'm not gonna be there this weekend with everything going on with all the announcements from the CDC with all the announcements from the do H it's not smart to be out there let's get through this thing and get past it we'll have some fun so Phoenix house a comedy my dates have been rescheduled I'll be there September 24th through the 26th your tickets will still be honored we'll have a good time then as a guy with a nickname already a sickle cell I don't need to add any more [ __ ] to the list you know what I'm saying I'll see you in September Phoenix you're watching the honeydew with Ryan Sickler at your mom's house [Music] [Applause] welcome back to the honeydew y'all we're over here at studio jeans doing it at your mom's house I'm Ryan Sickler you can follow me on all social media Ryan Sickler my websites Ryan Sickler com go sign up for the email list there the newsletter Phoenix House of comedy I'll be there this weekend the 19th through the 21st I'll be at the La Jolla Comedy Store March 26th and I'll be at the rec room in Huntington Beach April 3rd and then I'll be up in Vancouver coming to see you for the first time Vancouver at the house of comedy April 23rd through the 25th go to Ryan Sickler calm for more dates I'll be in Boston this year I'll be in Minneapolis I'll be in Edmonton I'm planning on New York Baltimore I've got some places I want to go this year so get over there you'll see all the updates there the website for the show here is don t do podcast calm that's where you can go follow on social media there everything's there you need to merge the social links all that stuff and if you are new to the show what we do here is we highlight the lowlights I love to say that this is the stories excuse me these are the stories behind the storytellers and this week's storyteller is no stranger to the honey dew will be picking up where we left off ladies and gentlemen welcome back the one and only Joey B as everybody is back how are you sir I'm great I'm always great when I'm sitting across from week two I feel good you feel good well 7-eleven coffee yeah you came nice to [ __ ] the terrorists drink hummus joke that key play every time you eat hummus the tears get a dollar nobody's getting blown up the world think about that green onion dip farting you [ __ ] [ __ ] smells like death from that Lipton soup powder that's like my car there's chemicals in there to make a bomb Lipton soup and also me start eating hummus and [ __ ] buildings start going down and well what are you gonna do now there's no more no more sis now it's a Chinese walking around they problem the Chinese and they sent them out across the world to [ __ ] you haven't heard from my sister coronavirus it is do you think about that nice and quiet alright so what the [ __ ] were we this is where we were when we ended last okay we are chronicling your whole [ __ ] life because what happens we're gonna be current alright we left off in May of 82 that's where we left off I believe you're 18 is that right a thing yeah something like that May of 82 was what you supposedly might see the year of high school what do you mean by supposedly that was supposed to be my senior high school but I quit in September to get a job in the warehouse I just didn't see any point so the beginning of your senior year you quit and then my friend's dad who was the superintendent of schools kind of talked me back into it they moved some [ __ ] around for me to get slipped back in there in November so I got put on unemployment okay like the unemployment no I said well because you started working in September they put you on a play always doing the winter dies okay the job dies so they would always lay somebody you up so I got put on unemployment and that January I came there actually being paid while you're going to school or going to school plus I was robbed and you know whatever the father's everything else we've heard so now I have to put this crew 1982 was probably my best year because it's what I summer of 82 is the some of the beat like no summer has ever beat summer of 82 and it started around that time like January 2 we just it was four of us and then we always have like a special guest star walking out with us might be a special guest star like the Hangout guest star I show up with a half a gram we got quaaludes you know somebody who [ __ ] heroin that's the only way you could be a guest star so it was just weird I was mom when I lived with a family called the Rani's what for boy was four boys and a couple girls the Ronnie's the Ronnie's and we lived downstairs me and Mike we lived in a basement apartment downstairs that's Mike their son Mike this I'm I would steal on tight with all four boys but I'm a really tight with Mike he's my age so I was by like May they told me that no matter how many classes I took I was still gonna be short a couple of credits to graduate sounds like you know what why am I doing this I don't want a graduate on stage they have no parents it's not like my parents gonna come to watch me instead I go [ __ ] this [ __ ] I just quit high school altogether and I was out delivering refrigerators and washes and dries I don't ever get a GED yeah I got a GED little eight years later I want what the prison cuz it makes you look better in front of the judge oh it does yeah we'll get to that all right I mean lay odds bill let's bill so I didn't think of a GED like I was like [ __ ] it you know and had at that time you know in the 70s when you quit high school you were done like you know and yeah you might as well put a tattoo on your wrist and then your life that's where I met you were gonna be a [ __ ] loser so that whole period [ __ ] of me it wasn't bad enough my mom had died and I was living with a friend's house and now I'm officially a [ __ ] loser once you quit high school in the seventies you might as well put a BTL lose that to one your forehead because you're born to lose you're gonna be a blue-collar guy you know you're gonna fight for the rest of your life you have no education and in the seventies they look more at that now they don't give a [ __ ] you know now these kids are coming out with a bunch of debt but in assemblies you had to go to college yeah it was well documented you gotta go to college and get a degree and then you get a job so I was like broken inside so my answer to that was just I just actin like the senior I just didn't I didn't go to school but I still hung out with them I still went to the events I didn't go to the senior prom when I went to the that's the night when they when they make you like the most likely to succeed this [ __ ] like that like the honors and [ __ ] it was around that time I'm gonna forget like waiting for my friend who wanted honest like he won best body so we had to wait for him to get the award and we were parked outside and we got the car one right - one in 35th street we copped the [ __ ] eight-ball and my buddy Sabatino swallow hole in the liquor store and he would dose his dad at night like we're [ __ ] ahh we cool all the [ __ ] take the [ __ ] keys and we'd open up the liquor store I'll never forget that particular night the biggest bottle of Jack and a case of nips you know it nips are the 8 ounce beers we thought yeah we call them ponies so nice you know when you buy a six or the F six pack this force expression boy when you buy a pack there's six eight bags so we [ __ ] got a six pack we got a bower Jack and we had an eight ball and a half of coke as we walk coke for everybody else we took it to the bar at 22nd Street in Union City across Lamar it was across from the County coroner's office that was a bar we see an angel dust and [ __ ] also were like we're going down and celebrate the [ __ ] awards night like this is the worst bar in the world and sure enough a fight breaks out and [ __ ] some guy corners me with a bottle and he's just about to [ __ ] cop me and my buddy comes flying out of the bushes and just [ __ ] knocks this guy out I stepped on glass I slipped my foot open through the [ __ ] sneaker like if every time I walked I can feel the sock on from the blood stuff like that but it was we were out every night like every [ __ ] night we were out seven nights a week the only exception was they went to school and I didn't write you know so here wait are you with what's the kid's name you were close with living in the basement and my chronic it was a freshman in college now okay so he's a fighting he stole his own thing and you're still living there at I'm still living there letting you come and go or just quietly yeah hey let me call come and go I paid them 35 hours rent Wow a week I was part of their family they were very good to me I'm still very tight with them very very tight with them I speak in fact they have kids now and I speak to the kids think it's great to my show really yeah how old are the kids now dirty Wow they come to the shows Joey yeah the girls especially so May of 82 I'm already like I'm already I'm running with my friends but I'm also doing things outside the box that my friends didn't know about you know I'm saying cuz I didn't want them to know like I was already doing a drug deals like they didn't know about I would rob a drug like while they were in school I would rob a dealer in West New York and they would never know alright so this is what I want to ask you walk me through the strategy of robbing a dealer what do you do to rob a dealer all right so that's [ __ ] dangerous let's say I went to high school in Northbrook I feel like that's more dangerous than robbing a store back let me tell you what happened I went to school North Bergen high school but my mother owned a bar in Union City so I nobody here in this city and unit City it turns into West New York which is another big Cuban community my stepfather had a business in West New York so I knew that whole heart blocks 57th Street and I knew you didn't City I knew done tons of people in Union City so I would in the daytime thing in the mornings I didn't have a job my job was the case I would just get on a bus and come up here I know you guys would be here so I come in here hang out with you guys I go outside to smoke a joint may be that guy that we saw before with the glass he pulls up with a van he goes inside but on the van there's four TVs I tell you pull the car around robbed this guy we was [ __ ] while we were sleeping you don't say much those days when I was doing was I had to deliver I had to deliver appliances so I would show up with my buddy he didn't even know what I was doing that's how dumb he was then we would have two different trucks and I was showing my buddy - like Sickler electronics and they would say okay you pick up four TVs and two stoves and two refrigerators I thought can load up whatever I had to load up he'd load up whatever he had and if there was something lurking I'd load it up like I didn't know and it was like one time I just loaded up 38 conditions in May what are you hitting me all right 200 a pop for now egg conditions it's 200 a pop all day long it was like I had the summer of good luck everything was in my corner but and there's a there's a bunch of stories here we could tell him between the night like there was a girl I was in love with it took me four years to get in her pants and finally gotten her pants that [ __ ] June she asked me as a matter of fact like for four years I was like I just had her on a rope I know I was gonna drop from the dick on her eventually I just didn't know when and one day she called me and she's like what are we doing this and I was in Louisville at yeah I was totally in love with her but 82 was when I did we just cause havoc like older kids were calling me going were you guys going tonight because you guys like to talk to that town one that night was Monday Night Football whose day night was missing my shillelaghs in Jersey City eight to ten $0.60 Alabama Slammers 20 cents for a mug of Heineken money sad you [ __ ] kidding man and from eight to ten it would be armpit armpit and then 1001 the place is just empty out back the drinks will up to two hours from here by Yugi you'd order and Alabama Slama and a [ __ ] whatever I'm snorting coke and since a lot of people have the balls to go into the city and get coke those days I would get coke fee serve you told me eating an eight ball I would put $50 on it take a half gram out so a half grandma cut in and [ __ ] that was your deal you still get great folks there's a lot better than what you were you had pure though I was getting some great color some Colombians on 35th Street who had a combination disco rooster fight in place so in the daytime you go there and there be roosters kill themselves and then it was like a disco like for illegal aliens me [ __ ] they'd be down there [ __ ] singing to blondie I'm playing call me so [ __ ] they would hide the coke enough forget the guy he was if I would go there like at 2:00 in the morning the guy would hide the coke in the door jambs and while he was spinning the songs he would have the scale right there he would just be Wayne coke all night boom you got and you would walk through a DJ booth errs on 135th Street and Amsterdam and I remember on the corner there was a bodega that sold the best [ __ ] fried chicken remember one Mike Tyson got into the fight at 4:30 in the morning in the Harlem he got to a fight with some guy on like hundred 48th Street or some was that the the murrayrudd green green well yes he hit him what he kept got me with his reign that's why I was blundering that whole neighborhood kicks at 2:00 3:00 in the morning is that where they were they were in that neighborhood all black barbecues open but I'll never forget that that boat on the corner of that bodegas there was her like a [ __ ] wild dog just chained up to a thing and I'll never forget that one night we went over there our plan was it was two of us me and Ray go my friend stinky worked at UPS from 11:00 to 2:00 we had at the UPS Palmer primary one Joe Avenue we and his car and our plan was to go into the city with his car pick up the 8-ball and then pick him up at 2:00 and then we go down to Jersey Shore it's not for the weekend let me ask you real quick what do you when you I know you take a little bit out but what are you cutting with back the high knobs at all what's that I not at all as a drug that used to be used with chloride when we were kids Joe Weider there wasn't no GI Joe either yes muscle guys so one of the things he made was Chloe I knots at all pills and they said they hoped you burn fat is that last like that Hydroxycut know that these are containers by inositol came with a powder in 1980 in 1978 you buy an ounce of inositol for three dollars by 1985 an ounce of mine acetal was like 200 hours really yeah because everybody found out that you could cut cocaine with it it was the best cut there was so it's a it's a legal speed you're putting in its no no no it's just a little stimulant whatever look it up my knots at all they have it G and C's and how food stores sometimes it comes by itself sometimes it comes mixed and you grind it right into the blow and nobody even know it I didn't like but baby lacks yeah that's what I was gonna say I heard I know that [ __ ] I want [ __ ] I'm even the J's I see guys now still do coke and it's cut with speeding it's their jaws all over it's cut with speed at the plant is it while and while they're [ __ ] processing it the thrall is [ __ ] yeah yeah it's nothing some guys at home going [ __ ] cranking it because then there's on the grounds likes ducks I watch the other [ __ ] yeah so that they throw that extra [ __ ] and while I'm making it to give it that extra bonus you know but it was just a weird time like I was we were living with no supervision there was like four of us we left the house at eight we walked in at four and we called each other at and they go eat lunch like every day we go eat lunch for in the morning sleep then go sleep breathe but these kids also parentless and everything else they had decent worlds they were just wild man right and they were on the same boat as I was well who's gonna hustle and make a living and it was so we would meet at 10:00 we'd go get lunch in like hash ways deli get like a [ __ ] gulp Danielle and scream till 1:30 and then we hang out for the Lau or sometimes we don't see the city and cop drugs early to get it out of the way so I'm gonna have to go back in there who's gonna hold the 8-ball nobody's trustworthy you know saying so yeah we would do that and then we go home take a nap I lift and they picked me up in [ __ ] seven o'clock and we just go Wednesday's was ladies night somewhere Thursday's was ladies night somewhere and Friday nights we would just pour out seven [ __ ] nights a week with these guys and like how much money would you say you're making at the time if that was very well or I was making eight hundred a week paying $35 a month rent when you're making [ __ ] 3,200 hours a month you know yeah you dropping money was four of us you know some of the kids parents had money you know [ __ ] like that but we were one for all and all for one if you didn't have a donor but we got it if you got it one guy's following the restaurant he would work a couple days the one guy worked for ups the one guy was hilarious the one guy was like you know his motto was [ __ ] my father buys cars I'd crash him he would tell his dad he would tell his dad at dinner you buy him my crashing don't worry about nothing his dad was a bookmaker and he would hide his money and Breyers ice cream ice cream yeah he was like he's a block it and stuff it down in there hired and Breyers ice cream yeah so whenever we would come all we could go get my dad my Weber room table the [ __ ] freezer so he'd get McCall he's like whammo I got my dad 460 my mother 460 what's that 280 and I go no 120 couldn't read Roman numerals on a clock so if you had a barn or a Roman numerals all night long you keep dancing here with mrs. Roman he really this guy that hung out with him with dear friends still turning his brother was my driver when we robbed the jewelry store heist that's coming up later on yeah because his brother was the real deal there was an old one of the younger one his brother never did a drug never done he's drunk just drank and then just one day started strong coke and he went not sitting he would tell his parents come on I need some cash I needed quicker picker-upper and he would say all this [ __ ] to his parents and we would die a laugh and then it was just [ __ ] you know it was a different time the world was different the country was different kids were different like we just didn't have a curfew us and 32 other kids you know we hung out with a group of girls it wasn't like we were [ __ ] them I having orgies there were our friends you know but that year I started robbing this jewelry store there was this Jew storm bergen like the avenue next to a Burger King and this girl worked at this Burger King and everytime I go to Burger King I like jewelry my mother was a big jewelry so I'm going to this jewelry store would you like I need to wear a necklace will ya were you going like rings juries [ __ ] like that I like all that stuff so I went in there one that I know this Jesus Christ every other jewelry store in Bergen line as a buzzer this one doesn't have a buzzer and there's two ladies are the 90 working behind the counter I could have a field day in here so I would go in there from week to week and say let me look at that ring and they put the tray up and walk away and I take the ring and put it in my sock and leave and give it to my little girlfriend or whatever and I kept doing this every other month and he wouldn't say hey where the hell's our nothing thank you thank you I would I even told her I want to be part of late to fight hour or a month club will you buy a five hours and they save money for you to get like the ring like layaway and then one day will read a break-in I'm like I got an idea it was like so high of 82 I had a football shirt on it was hotter than [ __ ] I don't never forget walking and then and give me the tray of diamond wedding rings and I'm going I'm gonna get married and it was like I was there before we salute a different story and they put the trays out and walk away and this one time I just took the whole tray and plum under my shirt ran out of that dress 30 wedding bands had like two grand so I offer whether this I had the dentist and that he used to buy our stolen ship for me I had a couple different guys I had honestly pay me in cocaine the dad as a dentist so I sold him like 10 rings I had this guy Nick there was a pizza man he was a Greek his name was Nick and he would always go to speak you suck he was very racist you know but he was the best cuz I would sell him stolen jewelry and he were putting the schmuck and he was hanging up he wouldn't get rid of it I don't like a week later I go down and Nick let me go to the bathroom and I go to the bathroom I'd steal a ring back home and then I go on their way clan and go Nick you see this ring and he go I don't know that looks very familiar speak I used to resell them [ __ ] stolen jewelry got some lady that poor bastard sold haven't missed one time I saw him like a bracelet three times that couldn't believe myself I met this guy can't be this stupid he was generous in the degenerate horse gambler good guy I love Nick very racist there was an Italian kid that was going then buy a slice of pizza but he would cross the street because the heist II was a dime cheaper and also he would get the pizza and he go over there to get it eat and Nick would be talking about they goes with a win it was Bernie T then we tell me went across the street to get that [ __ ] thing and hatchways he'd run on the street and vanir would be crossing the street he started yelling Buneary you [ __ ] Jew [ __ ] Jew you [ __ ] suck [ __ ] you [ __ ] Jew and then one time there was a low hands we can hit left there was an old [ __ ] policy I will in then one night with her like mice a boy yeah I walked in there on a quaalude you call my shirt I haven't [ __ ] up he's like what's a man he started calling me Belushi [ __ ] Belushi look at you suck Belushi so he had named Perry but he call me Belushi my buddy had a beard he called him the ayatollah khomeini and so with tonight i'm getting pizza from this new place and the Sherman Oaks it's a [ __ ] tremendous - something the beats is something of Brooklyn place amount of media yeah I've been there yeah he used to have a Sicilian pie but he put it by the window and there'd be a fan and the Flies were coming and they land on the Sicilian pie so he used to call at the airport like whenever we wanted there we'd like Nick give me a slice of that fly [ __ ] pizza and he'd be like [ __ ] you because all the Flies will land on a kitchen and take off [ __ ] fly [ __ ] so was i that summer if it wasn't nailed down I robbed it and it was like God gave me every opportunity there was to rob that summer and are you ever worried at this time like you're still you know because I hadn't lost very good police around me and there were all my friends at karma in the torch piles and I always knew I had Horch I always know I had to get out of jail free card if I didn't shoot somebody or you know do something off the [ __ ] off-colour that's just somebody was weird a situation to happen around that time like Julia July of 82 we were hanging out one night just hanging out a couple of us was a Sunday night and it was me and Mike the guy who lived us and I love Mike I give my life for Mike Mike and Mike was tough you better bring a sandwich [ __ ] there's gonna be there for a few [ __ ] hours and I can come by who want Kelly Bulevar in a car gone by I like that an older American Ton Ton Ton Ton Ton were those [ __ ] things and he made a u-turn they just kept staring at Mike he was me Mike and stinky and somebody else I remember like four of us and all a sudden they went down the block I'm Eddie u-turn and parked up the corner and they just got out of the car they were walking towards us two of them three of them but the one guy thought he was Buford Pusser he had that end handle from an axe with no axe on area so I'm watching this cuz I got great street eyes I'm watching this whole thing going down my friends are talking amongst themselves my [ __ ] whatever the [ __ ] talking about and the guy with the stick push to stick up behind his hand so nobody would really see it and the two guys there were first and the passenger side and the driver's side approached Mike then stinky and said what the [ __ ] were you guys laughing about the guy with the ax handle was maybe 10 free from them but that's the guy that I was watching yeah I got the Heineken bow in my hand right and I'm like if this [ __ ] goes down I'm attacking that guy with the ax handle cuz these two guys could definitely knock the [ __ ] out of these two guys I'm confident stinky and the other guy I just don't want this guy coming with the axe at home breaking one of our [ __ ] Gulf so stinking the guy have a few words I saw the guy make one move and I just went at him like I like the four feet from what I just drew a line they can bow on his face and it just blew up did it it was like an explosion it was like boom his head blew up there was blood on the walls I almost beaut and fainted his [ __ ] friends got a car they all fall and they'd [ __ ] ran but I would I was scared but Mike was like thank you for having my back I didn't see that guy with the ax handle nobody saw it was just something to have really good eyes because they were trying to throw him off by attacking this way that's something that happened me like July of 82 cuz I remember going to court and like they took you to court oh he had stitches they didn't charge me with anything but they were trying to get like a civil suit going in my hometown told my look huh do yourself a favor don't come back you don't get a dime but I stole him but specifically going to court that morning with my stepdad like I had a calm and go he have to go to court they want a [ __ ] parent to something and that guy in front of me his name was George Robbie had been to Vietnam he was crazy and he was up in front of me like I'm like please don't piss this judge off and this guy goes up first and the judges like George what the [ __ ] you know assault let their degrees like Your Honor we could take care of this we don't need all this handcuffs and bail not a judge it's time a judges I just let me loose let me over to Beirut just like that he's town I don't know what they are with in Beirut but I'll kill them all we don't need this [ __ ] I'll never forget him yelling at the judge Tom the judge just want to kill people I just want to kill be yelling in the courtroom in the courtroom and we die the laughing I gotta follow this yeah yeah every [ __ ] time I want the front of the judge the guy you do you pray that the guy at funny doesn't piss the judge off you pray that the people but funnier don't piss the judge up like when I got sentence I was telling somebody on that before I got sentenced I know I hope I'm the first guy he's like that nope I'm the second guy the first guy is a black guy in a purple suit you know the suits from Hollywood Sue Ellen yeah they give you three of them for 200 just can't light a match next to you just burst into flames they Richard Pryor yeah I got purple suit on this black dude funny-ish I didn't know what his name was I'll never forget I'm sitting there with my attorney I'm like what's gonna happen he goes well all depends on what happens with the mood of the judge [ __ ] Superfly goes up there Superfly also his mama's there his aunt's there they're all tipping the scales like 800 there are huge they got diabetes and [ __ ] and the [ __ ] judge goes okay mr. Williams whatever 90 days and he goes 90 days [ __ ] I could do that stand in mind all other mother goes what do you say goes 90 days mama I can do that standing on my head it just looks from slams and he goes boy here's another 90 days oh so you get back on your feet and I'm like god damn so like I got in trouble for that and that was that just went away you know Haiti - it's just uh it was just a party summer we just we rob the gas station now the last gas station what do you use him when you rock is the jewelry store even have a weapon or anything this [ __ ] the gas station was an inside job my buddy worked at the gas station he left everything open but he didn't leave this safe open so we ended up getting like all these books and cash but we slay that we found that somebody got in the safe and found like three quarters of a million dollars oh so we're all ready to shoot ourselves my buddy had the combination for the safe he never opened the safe ah we stole everything else we were just doing you know disappointment there was - help me - there was we were doing something like it was one of these things if something was coming to you every day all right so that's what I wanted to say well Robyn you're not using weapons or anything you know it's all dumb connection some topics ago we sit here all day with thinking of Rob and Rogan and all sudden josh pilot walks and he goes I had different scam let's go we got a guy that picks up three kilos every Friday at 11:00 we're gonna intercept the kilos hit the guy in the head and run on he's like that's you live like that you always kept robbing the comedy store on the background right like the force comes towards rob the comedy store but every day we come up with a move there's some days that some guy would come up to you and go hey man I mean if he don't load the truck or air conditioners I'll give you a thousand bucks you know and you're unloading and the cops are driving by he's gonna get in trouble every day there was something you know it wasn't uh you know the one you son you set up drug dealers okay so I would have you as a friend Tom as a friend bird as a friend and we'd all be friends you know I'm saying but I wasn't really friends with you I was just a customer that was giving you rope in those days it was well known I would give you room but if you [ __ ] me I was just gonna Rob you there was no beat and there was no altar at when you least expect it when your guard was down I know that every Friday at 11:00 Bryan Singer picks up eight ounces of coke I go to a bar at six o'clock Ryan SiC was drunk I'm gonna write the ass I'm kicking the door down you know kicking the [ __ ] door down I'm taking it you're gonna accuse me that you can't cuz I'm gonna be housed the first day the next wanna tell you how are you reasons why it wasn't me and how we're gonna get the bandit who robbed I was a professional you know if I was a professional like I just knew so that whole summer carried me into whatever some will happens in August of 82 a buddy of mine the bonehead family in the DeLorenzo family great family grew up with them two older brothers that oldest ones a heroin addict that's a plumber [ __ ] great guy one of my brothers in life the middle one's a fish guy owns a fish company at the time he was a mechanic auto body mechanic but the younger one I grew up with we're a very tight growing up I loved them dearly his mother loved me as far like grew up in his house and he was pretty much a financial genius he had the scam going on where he would open up a bank account with 2,000 bucks in your bank account then he would take the two thousand dollar loan from the same bank and then he would close the bank account at a quarter to three and run across town to the same bank like let's say this to Bank of America's he was closed to bank and then run down to the other Bank of America and the computer wouldn't move fast enough he then to the other 2000 so he go withdrawal he okay I guess back then huh he took student loans at 1% and bought homes real lift homes like this guy was just a genius he had the whole thing down so he pulled me aside when they was wanna go to school he goes what if I told you I get a couple grand a week to go to college I like was sure when he talked to some people in Glassboro State next thing I'm taking the four classes GED no paperwork he's a go over there pick up two grands like 300 and I'd pick up these little Pell grants so with the Glassboro that last is for like three weeks like I went down and he got me a job loading roofs with tar paper so I would have to carry [ __ ] top Pape up a roof and [ __ ] and I really gave it a chance like I was like I'm gonna go to school I'm getting paid this is one you got the GED I didn't get my choice only last nobody know nothing yeah he thought they got a degree yet but yes yes on the paper so you're taking college courses without even a high school finish that you can go psych 101 I'm just going to pick up a check they give me like a check every two weeks because I'm part of some Spanish thing I never really thought about what he was doing and after three or four weeks it was Philadelphia what a great town we were going to [ __ ] her 6a games that was the year they won the championship so we were going to sexy games we were [ __ ] going to concerts I'll never forget one night I woke up and he was [ __ ] a chick with a bunny mask on she had it her he he had Molly mask I mean here he was nuts he's dead now God rest his soul I'm so he got me the scab and uh I would come up on the weekends and let's stock up on blow I get as much blow as I could I get some money up front from some of the people a fairly I told him this is New York City cocaine and I take a bus back on Sundays and then make my I'd make three four hundred but unable to late more and at least had [ __ ] for the week and then one Monday it had to be like supply got nice classes started like September third and I think like September 28th no it was like September 28th the summer I came home it was a Monday Night Football game and it was the Steelers against the Dallas Cowboys and their heyday it was their [ __ ] heyday and me and for my buddies decided to put a huge breaded wait 10,000 bucks a.m. and the over and a parlay we put the bed in with a high school teacher when he was taken aback yes his name his name was george megrath Weesa calm camera breath because he smoked Camel cigarettes and his fingers were red his cigarette was his moustache was red and that's when Def Leppard first came out with whatever high and dry so easy called george megrath i don't want like we had like [ __ ] ten different color deal on a mundi he was a Cuban car dealer and we used to always go fooling my buddy below I love that [ __ ] you buy coke from without Friday and you don't get home till mundi as yours his coat was that [ __ ] strong so it's like September some if you look it up it was a Monday night game we had the opposite side I put the better with mr McGrath camel breath and I'm an honorable guy you know what's wrong I couldn't run out on mr McGrath after everything he had done for us we didn't know that mr McGrath was a code dealer to the last day of school and then something happened I sold him a half a gram I asked him how it was and he goes let me show you real coke my school teacher was a trip his name is Jordan McGrath who is also our driver ed teacher up for 45 minutes it started off with mr. McGrath what the [ __ ] just stopping the Chinese restaurant let's get some steak on a stick I can I'm gonna lose my job we know because we drive it up and then make a u-turn a chance so we started talking with that and then when they were looking someone grab what's the story we get a six-pack do you guys want to get me fired so for like a year we used to go get steak on a stick another guy would go next door and get a six-pack of beer and we'd drink a six-pack hilarious so we put this better when mr McGrath I mean I had to come up with like 18 grand and I couldn't let mr. McGrath down and like I said we always had those scams I will wait on the right purse like you would see training day yeah they go to the dealer's house and they go it's ty it's time to pay up and shoot him he goes dammit that's my retirement money yeah yeah it's the way it is sometimes yeah we'll play you but this one day we're gonna come and collect ours it's ours brother you knew it the whole time you would just keep it warm for me one day that weeks ago this jewelry stolen when I kept robbing yeah I'm robbing them every other month and they're never saying anything nothing nothing don't even remember because I'm not abusing it now you know me I'm a comp deef I'm letting them every other eight weeks and this one that I go up there and [ __ ] in I know this they have a stand on the counters which filled with gold chains the top the bottom has bracelets and I'm spinning this thing around and I send a buddy of mine his name was Pete he was on a school for law school but he would always give me advice I would say Pete well if I had somebody I wanna pipe he's a suitcase full of money he was like that's grand larceny and I soft to Oliver so I said to him I said be a big favor and he figured out they come Michael's jewels find out what's going on down there take a look around tell me what you think he came back he said that's grand larceny it's this is that but but I can get you off I'm like you're not even certified don't matter I'll get you off so we had to pay him that Thursday night at 2:00 so that Thursday at 9:00 in the morning I went down it with Timmy Timmy Holloway my dog [ __ ] Marblehead and it was funny because the night before we were at a bar and I was just talking [ __ ] like I'm like [ __ ] I'm gonna Rob this place but in my heart I didn't want to rob this place [ __ ] he held my feet to the fire the next morning I was talking so much all over like hippy people I'm like [ __ ] I jump in the shower I get in the [ __ ] car we pick my buddy up the plan wasn't even going there with a gun we weren't even gonna rob they were doing construction next to the place and it was fenced off and there was a hell so my move was to park the car in the end of the hill Timmy would have the car running stinky was running back and he was lightning fast he was half Italian half American Indian [ __ ] could run Jack so my plan was to pick up the stand pull it out of the cord he's gonna open the door just in case they press the buzzer there is a buzzer and then he's gonna jump the fence I'm gonna throw the jewelry to him I'm gonna run around the wall the way he's gonna run around but he's gonna throw it I would have meat to the fence when we get to the top I'm gonna put in the trunk of the car he jumps the fence we both take off we rehearsed it 50 times how we went there at Knightley really more yeah 2:00 in the morning we just rehearse the timing of it two minutes the whole [ __ ] thing response time from western New York Police Department we did the whole thing that we get there we wake up that morning all goes this plan I run out throw the Jew and head and get to the other side I get to the top the case is dropped and their broker your stink what happens like Casey's like it broke this is all I got I go jump the fence and get in the [ __ ] car by this time the alarms are going off people can looking out their windows I'll never forget jumping over the fence and I got every piece of [ __ ] jewelry I didn't give a [ __ ] every piece I came back jumped over the fence one of the chains got caught I got in the back seat there was more so much jewelry that you couldn't see my legs my calves down to my feet and we just packed back there we couldn't get the trunk open he pushing the trunk he can't get the [ __ ] trunk open boom we get in the car get the [ __ ] out here people looking at the car we hook a ride on 68th Street and we're driving down 68th Street and we see two cop cars coming our way I'll never forget this we stopped for the light and there's a guy at the light it's just a two-lane road so they really can go around guy because the light was just about to turn green so they had a wait as the light turned green the trunk popped open by itself well like ain't this a [ __ ] I'm I'm doping but no we [ __ ] went home and got away with it but right past them what am i past them and then what do you do with all that just sell it all for what what we did was war gonna chunk it out to different people I made a mistake that took it to this mop mafia guy and he tried to [ __ ] tell me I was his goal bond I'll give you ten thousand for the whole mess I'm like this is sixteen large of that what do you mean ten thousand there's a hundred retail and sixty large I know you gotta give me six days like come on be a friend you're a friend [ __ ] you so we went we went to Kurt's house my good-looking buddy that was the student financial aid guy that [ __ ] was built and his mother had a bunch of girlfriends so he got a black towel he put his kitchen table we put jewelry and we had jewelry shows like jewelry like Tupperware shows so they decided the prices on the tag full retail right so for ten eleven hundred give me six you know so we would sound like that door-to-door we would just sell them pieces people's mothers kids in school and then I went to my buddy's bar one night his name was Ray Dalton he was a high school vice-principal and as soon as I walked and he goes you in the back and I know what's up and he goes the cops came looking for you at the school he goes I tried to fend them off he knows they got you on picture they got picture you didn't had a camera the store jewelry store did you restore did he go as if I was you I get the [ __ ] out of town they're gonna put the pieces together on you so I called a friend of mine in Sarasota you know the Sarasota Florida now that's what boredom was invented that's worth Spring Training one [ __ ] movie Peter who was playing the road warrior so he went to a road warrior everyday and smoke pot I went down there for about 30 days head out gave myself a chance didn't do any blow you know it was kind of nice and then [ __ ] I got a call from a friend of mine the devil and he goes hey it's safe for you to come back I go how the [ __ ] do you know he goes because he's my brother-in-law the cops and him cut a deal if they arrest you then he gets restitution you got em for Halsey here but if they don't arrest she gets the insurance plus he badly so you made the money you're his hero now ah so you get off with it cuz he added the field knight of the numbers and got all that money back ya know how crazy luckiest [ __ ] right there came back to North Bergen did he ever see you I saw Christmas of 84 I was in I was rocked by them I was homeless and I was pumping gas just to make ends meet and I was pumping his car and I looked at me looked at me goes you remain like oh yeah guys I he doing we shook hands and we said no hard feelings no eyeballs a kid steel like I know thank you that was it that's the last time I saw blue it was weird after I went back to North Bergen I couldn't live with the Ronnie's no more childhood friend of mine Bernie and that had to be one of the worst times in my life like just I had a little bit of cash put away from the jewelry but other than hustling you're not working an honest job at all discipline the time funny got me a job you ever see ever you know what uh one of those [ __ ] danishes all those and humans whatever they are Entenmann's Edelman yeah yeah of course yeah I got a job my friend got me a job Moff you got got me and my buddy stinky a job spray-painting and boxing the things where you the shells yeah and then they get shipped out of there they don't make any anthem escape there they just make the Entenmann's shows that gosh you got us a job in Edgewater I was a kid named Bernie whose father had a business in Edgewater you would see Copland yeah that right there that one all right that whole bar that's why he's to go to get liquor store now that's not that long so it was called H&B diner best [ __ ] pork sandwich you ever had in your life there's only one person who makes it better both sandwich Steve Simone makes the delicious pork sandwich of provolone listen all right I'm gonna have him give me one he's my head with roasted red peppers anyway I got a job in Edgewater this was one of the this is one of those mafia jobs where basically the superintendent the boss knew who our friend was the guy that got us the job his name was Tommy Kenny and he was really a Westie he was an Irish gangster and he got us to job to case the joint cuz he would cased these roofing jobs but he would get me a job to the Union Kirti Lorenzo's mother was part of the warehouse you were here so she would get me different warehouse jobs so she got me a job I'm like Swift electric she got me a job at mass back century hardware store and then she got me this job and this job was great because we were [ __ ] 90 my waiting you're [ __ ] like we basically punched our cards walked through the third floor put boxes together and me and stinky went to sleep at 12 they go yo you guys gonna eat lunch and we come downstairs one of the black guys are give couple dollars to buy him a bottle of blackberry brandy we go get a roast pork sandwich come back and do the same if we got bored we would set the boxes up like a defensive line and an offensive line and he would play my back and I play running back and he's nothing tackle me through the barroom but the best thing happened there was that black dude became our friend he was our only friend everybody else hated us because we'd have to do that we had a no-show job basically and when they were top like heroes addicts and were throwing down and tailor boxes there are like six feet tall these are heavy boxes but they're not put together they're still flat lat yeah so I gotta cut two wires and take him down and I would just hand them tall you know I'll never forget this this guy would spend this morning's just drinking blackberry brandy just [ __ ] it from the minute we got that 8 he polished off a pint and then we go back at lunch and get him another pint by three o'clock he'd be [ __ ] for his pints two pints of James black did I forget what his name was but I loved him with all my heart so one day it's me and stinky up at the top there's a yo the lazy brothers throw down 50 boxes so he's sitting there and withdrawing down one box at a time and you can see that you know withdrawal them quick girl and quickly you know and he's like man slow down he's grabbing the boxes and he's put them down he's drunk as a skunk and I [ __ ] take the box that my booth and also I saw like a wind took it like the wind got behind it and you could see his eyes open cuz he couldn't type it was going the Box is doing like a curveball and he just came right here head up in the bridge of the dough's and he went down he was they had to get a doctor this [ __ ] so yeah fired from that job then I got another job we're gonna Boulevard hardware that's still there George me lad it was his name I lasted there for about a month and a half and telling that caught with possession of stolen tools we found those two [ __ ] yeah yeah everybody wants tools I have I feel like there's probably a bigger market for tools than man maybe it's equal to what they taught me loved room it was really my first arrest January 19th night January 29 1983 was my first movie was crept in 83 now all right was my legitimate because after I was at this at the hardware store after the after the Florida I came back home for like November and then we played out the rest of the I was the furni and you know everything was great we have a whole apartment and we lived across the Midtown lounge some didn't happen while we're fur that was funny one that we had this friend Joe gash we called him Joe cash because he got so much [ __ ] but he was also bisexual good someday let's see whatever he worked on the gay bar joke guys gay infused quaaludes which would make you blacked out worse than Cosby they're the ones like they're The Cosby formula in 1982 they had eliminate pain [ __ ] pain is a gay Cuevas these are the good ones Joe guy shows up with five quaaludes in the end it was four of us and he goes guys I'm eating quavers for ten years these are the strongest quaaludes I've ever taken in my life be very careful just start off with a half knot without even like will will like listen we'll take them later not my man Bernie Bernie wants his two Gorilla Biscuits right now so he get Bernie it's two quaaludes he [ __ ] eats him do too he said to go but he doesn't want to take a shower in our shower it's too small so he wants to go to his mother's to take a shower an hour goes by well where the [ __ ] is Friday anglo upstairs knocked on the mother's door I got was her friend she goes I don't know he'd been in the channel for now I open up the door there he is with his glasses on his socks on and the shower just laying that it was okay he got up I helped I helped him take his wet socks off we get him dressed now the three of us decide to eat the quail ooby is a run away for the mental ends it's Pat Benatar guess who wants to drive Bernie with two quaaludes oh yeah right boy Friday you want to drive that you don't be my guest he can't even get out of the parking spot like he's going back and forth back he's hit Mike on Friday and awesome my buddy goes water we driving my sound tonight I'm gonna go [ __ ] it we got in a different car by the time we get up there was so [ __ ] up we are so [ __ ] up the guy told me to have we hit a hole we even know we were going we were so crooked I'll never forget this lawman came up we never say nothing this little man came out look this thing goes you guys must be in a handicapped section they took us in for the handicapped we're sitting next to three quits wheezing balls let's take a quick break 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situation but you know in the yard member at this time I'm missing my mother I don't have a mother yeah but I am laughing my [ __ ] ass off you know it was right about that time 83 y:real no I was I when I got fired from Boulevard Hardwell when I got arrested I went to Harlem to see some friends of mine my mother that had a bookmaking Bank sway decided to hire me that's a runner out of pity it wasn't cuz they need him he was out of pity I was that much of a pathetic [ __ ] slob that and they were like we'll give me like on you today on your 40th day and you know bring us coffee called a point A to point B pick up an envelope a point a so I I did that I liked it I was happy for the first time in a long time but I was also very alone you know I was starting to miss my mother these guys that I grew up with deserve Purple Hearts because they made me forget about my mother all these you know I mean we laughed our asses off seven nights a week you know it was I could go into story after story after story there was this one guy that a bar a go it was a little bodybuilder how long that what I like a 10-year steroid like when you do steroids you want thing called the cycle but it's six weeks then you stay off the cycle and you go back he started like an eighty and never stopped he never dug a break and then they kept fueling cocaine through house [ __ ] and now you always in a bad mood and I don't never forget we got January or February of 83 we get like 22 inches of snow it's the worst snowstorm in New York City history remember that East Coast blizzard I was ten I remember in that week and those don't newspapers there was nothing we couldn't even put a bet in because there was no lines there was nothing the drug dealers were out of coke some people had to go to New York it was very hard to go to New York and we sent the we got we all got together we came boys 600 bucks and we sent a buddy of mine like on a mission we [ __ ] we get on a bus go go New York and we knew it was gonna take hours you know and we met at Joe Mary's [ __ ] snow everywhere we give him the money takes a bus you can hear the snow chains on the bus and stuff and we're waiting there all night and Ray goes on steroids and he's getting hotter and hotter by the minute like what the [ __ ] is this guy I can't even have a decent cocktail but we're looking to the front window just waiting there's about forty people on the bar hold people couple young kids our age and all of a sudden out of nowhere horizon we look up and we see a guy cross-country skiing down Burger Line Avenue we just see a guy happy as a pig in a [ __ ] just feeling like and I'm like wait a second what's this guy doing and radio looks on because what the [ __ ] is wrong with this guy he goes nobody told this guy there's no skiing I'm burning light Avenue and he just [ __ ] ran outside and chased a guy down like a block the guys liked the scheme mind his own business yeah great your tackles on Beasley yelling at him there's no [ __ ] ski and I'm no I he's hitting him with the stick with chasing like radio what's going on he's like pay there's no [ __ ] skiing on burger Lyon Avenue we pick them up we throw them in a snow [ __ ] [ __ ] you no skiing on birthing land have no if we laugh our asses off the guys like all I want to do is go friend nights ski and I get attacked at the park and all this [ __ ] like what do you ever get to do that oh my god either because the park had a different rules when we were 15 feet away from the park but anything that happened to part of us Hudson County Park jurisdiction rules I was not very pleased so we throw the guy in a bundle us no we [ __ ] throw snow on table you would probably got American flag from a VFW in that we go back to the bar with drinking the cocaine shows up we're having a great time and all of a sudden it's like 10:00 to 3:00 and the ball gets around it with cops and we're like what tough [ __ ] I look irate I see one of the cops I know and of course you know raincoat give me the package I think a dollar bill I feel like a half gram of coke inhaling a little rock I folded up and I put in my hand and I walked out that door and I walk right up to that cop like was Jimmy what's going on another coke or we got a report that somebody threw some kind of snow I go wasn't in here he was all right have a good night I'll never forget walking past the police car and the guys sing in the backseat with blankets on [ __ ] that goes of the guy my god and my friends oh shut the [ __ ] up don't worry brother and we got in the car mean that's the level of we were getting away here connected like we walked or whatever and the borrower was a loan shark his name was George and while I had him up 200 grand like I would go up to him he knew who Ryan Sickler was you know many conversations he had with Ryan Sickler - hello whenever you came to his ball but I would go up to him and go can I talk to you Ryan Sickler got his girlfriend pregnant he needs a thousand bucks please get - and you lend it to me since he was a gangster than one cot that girl Ryan Sickler so we'd be drinking and you didn't know that you all too much I'm in debt to this [ __ ] an alum [ __ ] like he didn't even know that you oh you didn't know that your number thousand bucks and I'm actually paying the big for you I would borrow under your name so he told me got me customers so every week there was a new guy that got in trouble Josh Paula needs five g's jotspot is in there two nights later go and go Knicks yeah I just won 800 them like shut the [ __ ] up jackpot you're this guy five thousand and you jump up and down over here oh my god here's the crazy his wants to let people know the crazy thing he was so wired up to Sky Mafia why's that the first two or three loans he gave me in the early eighties were cash after that he would give me a cheque to go to see a special tower at the bank come on bro this guy had it down I could say the guy's name not George the Greek is dead but the guy he worked with was a Genovese captain now the Genovese crime family and when this guy was younger he had a clean police record he still was part of it through his family and he would take money from a safe in the 80s like you can make like listen bro we buy a key for 33 we cut it we sell half a key for 25 to Segura way ain't grande the way and we still got another [ __ ] 16 ounces left what do you want to do we do definitely so eight ounces and make our money back so we would borrow 33 for 40 you had to be there at 3 o'clock when the bank closed you give me 33 grand cash and on Monday morning when that 9 o'clock came you better have that 40 back front and he takes the 7 he takes the 7 for himself is invade yup he was doing that with 10 different people every week a week because everybody was trying to be a cold feeling yeah that's how good I used to come to me and go listen and he checked you yet Thompson girl his mother gets disability bring the check you don't need an ID or the sign and I mean this was the level of thievery that these guys had gone on in the bank then he introduced me to a guy in New York that just sold credit cards and counterfeit money and the credit cards was the scam of a lifetime because Ryan Sickler gets a new card in the mail he would print up two cards for Ryan Sickler one for you and one for me all I had to do was wait for you to go call and get the code not at both accurate and now they both activated it was such a different world people don't know that I was an odd little em'ly thief what's that mean either the limit thief is only up to about 20 years ago if you spent $50 that they call the credit charge so if I took you for a Chinese restaurant for lunch special they would have to look on a booklet to see if your number the card was stolen what are the chances they got 80 people there eat lunch so if I didn't spend if i lo you mean the restaurant would have to look I see there wasn't any charlyk rather so it used to be a card with a piece of paper and thing that you swipe yeah so every day for free as long as I didn't go to the same place I mean in back they take a pen and yeah I mean actually I could look at your face and tell you now one time I didn't pay for lunch or maybe five years I would just call off bowling cards all off the same card that made him a big spot had been reported stolen eight years ago but they didn't know because they would never run it so that that's when criminality so as long as your hop in different places yeah yeah they can never you know they still get the insurance on like they don't know but it was so weird how my criminal everything opened up criminally for me that I started meeting people that were my friends outside the box like I said I would you know when you set up a drug deal I come to Ryan minds of [ __ ] scum back I like them cuz he sells drugs but the first couple of times I'll do a drug deal with them we suck them in you know Brian my friend these three ounces I don't get I usually don't get my coke till Thursday both now I look Thursday that you delivery now I start watching your Thursday's I rent the car and I watch you on Thursdays I watch every move I see you a little post office that means you get that from the post law you know I would just learn what the [ __ ] you doing your movements and if you ever [ __ ] me when the timing was right I'd take you down but I had so many drug dealers and rotation like I would deal with three different drug dealers a week one I was gonna rob eventually I would just pull him all West and they were all gonna go down you know it's just it was such an ugly [ __ ] time for me you know I mean I really had nothing going on and there was no prospects my wife was hustling doing those no I get back in the city about for every day so I had money so it was what kind of walk-around money are you getting from this kind of [ __ ] I mean you loaded at the time or you are you doing too many drugs also that you're not saving the way you should you want to say there was no say no saving all in you own a car at the time no it's all public transportation or friends with car you're stealing cars yeah no don't stealing those the other likes they don't come where are you living now six either where that dude yeah Burnie okay in a basement nice place you know no problem parents pool upstairs but my whole my friends are in college my friends are working my friends a longshoreman and I'm this [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] though you know take some works in the city I'm paper I was very cool you know I came back when a newspaper under my arm you know but I really had no future I mean there's no future I had taken I'd signed up for a plumbing classes at Teterboro college it was a place that gave me like a skull they had a lot more vocational schools at night so I really wanted to be a brick mason with the program it took too long to sign up and I just became my [ __ ] you know I was just doing what I could you know that maintain my just keep the doors open I would go with every day and work as a UH a bookie thing but then had an idea I thought it was time for me to go it was 1983 I was twenty years old and I don't know something wasn't right I knew that there was living for me in this bookmaking job as long as they were open there were friends of the family what was I gonna do when I was 27 when they closed shop and I tried to get a real job and they gonna send me what have you been doing is you 18 I'm working a numbers operation so even though I was a knucklehead at that and I was a [ __ ] idiot I knew that this had a hand I know I had to get a real job eventually and one night I bumped into this guy that I had grown up with you know we knew each other I was better friends with his brother with me and his brother what a war I mean there's brother Warren talking anymore I was decent friends with him and I walked into Joe Mary's my favorite bar and I saw and we started talking last all about his life then he told me he got thrown out of Colorado the Academy in Colorado Springs and his family was mad at him and I go so what's your next move when he goes well I'm gonna head to Colorado I'm gonna go to Aspen Colorado become a garbage man my buddy's up there my other buddies up there from we're all friends from Jersey they were just a little older than me and I know you don't want college you knew them I knew guy he's awful yeah I knew them so me you don't want me those do you want to come I was like what he goes do you want it come and I'm like [ __ ] yeah I want to get out really yeah though I'm not that dumb I mean it's not about being dumb and you're a city kid for 20 [ __ ] years and now you're about to go to Colorado it just it's got to be culture shock well totally different but also you're looking to get the [ __ ] out you gotta remember was three years after my mother that I couldn't shake it it's like finding your mother dead at the house he's gotta go to another house every day I lived in that and you know he was yeah and it was just a shitty field I had every day I always had a knot in my stomach I was all dude driving by dad my stepdad didn't give me any help financial help I couldn't collect Social Security I mean if every smack of the face that was done to me what you know I kept myself together like that I don't pat myself on the back about anything those times I do because I was really going through it inside I guess that inside it's not that you get in the head it's nothing your cars getting told it's not that you cat-style it's nothing that you could really control it's the pain that's going on in this turmoil yes the turmoil was horrible but I told the guy yes I'll do it but I had my eyes on this one bookie I had known this bookie for years and one day I was walking he befriended me and I wanted this how someone were talking in his kitchen and he opened up his living closet and it was basically a cash register do you understand me I hear inside when he opens up the linen closet like the top shelf was hundreds the middle shelf was fifties but on the Shelf was twenties and the one that was ten the fifties was stacked from wall to wall you know I never thought about killing them I knew that he had a girlfriend that he was visit and he would just put padlocks on that door he would pull a three padlocks my plan was just to blow the [ __ ] door right off the hinges me so I tell my friend Buerkle that yes I'm gonna go to Colorado with you but he had got a DUI so he can pay for a car trans up buying this junker just to get us to Colorado we registered it we insuring it it wasn't some Buick LeSabre some [ __ ] car I'll never forget in the car was 135 pound bar 35 pound bar 25 pound bar Olympic yeah yeah weight lifting bar and bench press yeah and there were like eight plates in the back cuz they were big strength guys probably he ded yo wiedersehen although he's and Joe we're an axis [ __ ] yeah right then we Joe Weider and Joe Miranda's price now how wasn't he that was but it was funny we made a deal he said when can you be ready to go when I go give me like 10 days I want to put together some money I don't want to go out there like a [ __ ] bumpy so wanna rob this dealer how would he wanna rob this this uh bookie I settled up so nobody would even think it was me I borrowed around him so people knew I was actually broke and you know so even if he lifted his eyebrow he would go off a ball from them up how come he robbed me you know my law set up so one day I [ __ ] go over to his house on a Friday to pay him and he opens up the closet sure enough this [ __ ] thousands of dollars and he gives me my change I think I gave him like 160 and he gave me $10 back or something excuse me and so for a week 10 days I just watched his house at night he lived in a building and there was a lot of action on that Street so be hard to rob him but I figured out a way how to get on his roof and get into the kitchen and if I wanted to the kitchen the doors right there I could just unhinge it empty the cash and run out but there was one problem there was a body shop or something back there and there was the way the fencing was there was a German Shepherd that was crazy so every time I come to a fence the German Shepherd would [ __ ] attack the fence so I said [ __ ] I would go to Burger King next to a jewelry store I Robbie that mother I lied by two or three whoppers and I'd [ __ ] go back then you moi pass even though I went without for days hungry is [ __ ] I give him the whoppers then I die went the next day and I jumped the fence and he ate the whopper and every day for about ten days I gave him a whopper fries apple pie whatever the [ __ ] he would let me pet him [ __ ] them really stomach yeah oh yeah had the [ __ ] down who's my baby you know who loves you more than Papa I love this stuff and [ __ ] I got this [ __ ] so was all set for a Saturday night what did you do pop the hinges no I had all these people set up I owe like three people money I went to the light friends listen I'm gonna have your money and then some I'll be back to that with the mother lode just wait to me or at eleven o'clock the lookout driver was my buddy stinky I was gonna walk up these just back weighing down to the roof and then a crowbar his window go in and crowbar the door and take it off the [ __ ] hinges I had screwdrivers I had hammers I had the whole [ __ ] gift set you know so I tell my buddies thinking go stinky because it was that sunny Cuban restaurant whites all in the park I go you see anything beep the horn this [ __ ] guy goes into a Cuban restaurant eats so here I am trying to pry the [ __ ] window pop I pop the window I'm taking the storm window walk and I hear the dog barking the dog is barking so I look and I see flashlights but I had already heard a cop car stopped and when he stopped he went whoop you know they make that little noise so I knew the cops were on to me I was just trying to I was gonna bust and close the window bust that door and run out the front door and they wouldn't see me like a tourist with her [ __ ] him blow up I [ __ ] got the window open and sure enough the cops light comes up like it was a it was up there so I went to the edge of the roof and there was like a 6-foot gap space between that roof and a fence and if I could jump that fence the cops never get me they'd be on the other side the only thing Attica was the german shepherd why already had in my pocket yeah got everybody in your [ __ ] we were so one thing leads to another I see the lights come up I turn I go to the edge and the cops are right under me I mean I'm looked down and there right on the minute I don't looking up they're like where is he go to the end of the alley and that waited Facebook like four steps and I jump over them land they go stop all police I took those gonna shoot me I just kept her on it but guess what the [ __ ] dog turned up I'm like Bubba what's going on they said huh and I'm [ __ ] running with his dog snapping the [ __ ] head you're from and finally I hit the fence I hit the fan she's got my genes I'm like Ewing grateful [ __ ] I fed your whoppers and fish noise and whatever the [ __ ] I gave you and there was a little fence and they had Bob wire three rows of barbed wire and I swear to God I made it I hi Harold it hi Harold that's what adrenaline does yeah but on my way the high hurl and look at my arm look at my left hand where it is the [ __ ] fence the right hand that's what it was and Bob why I went in there ripped and ripped all the way up and ripped the tendons oh [ __ ] [ __ ] I got away from the cops I went home I changed and took this glove off but this glove was so bloody I just left it on and went to the bar and told everybody I didn't have that money blood drops are coming from my hand one blow so you know what man I put together a few moves I told this kid I'll meet his Saturday night movie with 11 o'clock ah [ __ ] Friday can put the moves together I met him Saturday I told him the truth they don't listen I only got like 300 bucks I can't leave and he goes we'll listen I gotta go without here but get a plane ticket out there I feel like okay so I was he [ __ ] gets in his car leaves Asher left my score opens up I pick up two g's I pick up a Lilitu geez but you never got diggin anything from that loan shark no did he ever know you were there to try to rob know and the cops are they not three of that just left it alone sound that anything on that this is the weirdest thing that I went got a plane ticket started packing I told the people in New York coming over to Colorado and one night I go to the bar and guesses at the bar Jimmy a loan shark no the drive all your driver I don't know what are you doing here till you be in Colorado by now he doesn't Pennsylvania the axle broke so I to get towed back I'm [ __ ] depressed because he's 200 for the tow is to one a thing at the car fixed one can we get out of here and that was when the car broke that was a sign that he was coming back to get pay like there's no planes there's nothing like I took that as a sign I look at life to signs you know at the bedside and ten days laying there not even April 25th 1983 I got in the car with him I say goodbye to my friends and I shout out to a town called basalt Colorado about 30 miles from Aspen down the valley and it was me him and another guy it was it was great because it was the first time I had slept since my mother died like the first three weeks your body gets acclimated also sort of high altitude so you sleep a lot why he brought he produces more blood cells and all that but I was living in such a stress on that was basically getting up to pee eat some and I go right back to bed like my stress had been so high for all those years I live gonna be salt for about a month and then we're going on first we hadn't been me and Jimmy moved up to a place called Snowmass Village it's no matter what 21 now 2020 know Sadie well I'm still reef or I'm still 20 in 73 I'm still 20 and I'm up there about three months I'm like you know what I really gotta get my life together but is it a culture shock to you going from tremendous coffee shop I'm from the city streets telling you good more than its neighborhood there's everyday live coming good morning you know I didn't know that people pulled over to pick you up and hitchhike yeah you're walking people pull over and go how you want to ride and I tell me look suck my dick somewhere else get the [ __ ] out I told my roommates like no that's we just pull up next to you in Colorado you want to ride and you're like no and then they heard there was an itching post and everything I really went to Boulder I would I really want that Snowmass asked them what the intention of doing so in my life that's some right side of the classes at Colorado mountain college I got a job we got an apartment I paid rent what are you doing for work they're for work there I was a hot carrier what Heidi you know bricklayers I really really enjoyed all that type of work I did that from I picked up that job like in May and I did it so like September so cuz he was a professional and there was chip Jocelyn he was a professional skier so he didn't [ __ ] brick work in the wintertime he just skied so he told you that when you got the job you know so I got a job working for him I was doing ok you know I pay the parole I played a pod actor I told people I smoke pot but his rifle and smoke co-head his snort coke I would if I wanted coke kind of guy and snowman Aspen that would sell to me but people Snowmass Village didn't think I snorted coke I don't even know why I made up that lie I just said I'm not gonna let nobody know i snort coke it's gonna be like a little hidden thing and I was doing great Snowmass you know like July August it was it was amazing the transformation I was putting money away I'd have a bank account but I liked the draw that like six little hours from don't get me wrong I was still nuts I robbed my neighbor Stan's what did you get his name was Ken man he was from Kentucky and can tell you as well as geese that wore bicycle helmet with this cleats and rode his bike hated it and yeah and this guy always came over at the time like what's up dog eating dinner am I am i bothering ya I'm so sorry you know what [ __ ] cat people from these cuz you hungry come on than eat and every night he would [ __ ] get a free meal and smoke dope one day he comes in he's like man my mama just sent me $1,000 I think I'm gonna go get me a steak I go dog one of us what am i back a week come share was he goes I don't know I gotta save this money once he said that the man go I'm still that much that's all he had to say to me so I worked at wold a go what are you doing tonight he was I'm going up to ass but I'm gonna have myself a good old time I said alright so I waited till he left I made sure watch him girl the bus and I ran to his house I couldn't get into it I didn't I couldn't Jimmy his lock but he had a balcony so I put together like a table on top of the table on top of chair and I calling myself up I went up balcony was wide open people never closed their balconies closed your balcony the [ __ ] hallway people like me out there the spider-man yeah and [ __ ] I wanted that couldn't find the money I couldn't have fun not this [ __ ] I took it well I searched everywhere under the thing around the tank finally left the door open I went downstairs and saw by the way this dumb [ __ ] I went upstairs with his bike and I saw a little pouch and the bike had [ __ ] opened up the pouch there was a pouch and I had them and there was the thousand was I took him I got in the bus to ask what I bought an Eightball came back before he even do it took me 10 minutes to go up there get a ball come right back I took the money I hid in my hallway and that morning I hear he's a man and I got robbed last night somebody robbed me I don't know how they got in but I got partial fingerprint from the glass he goes I was a junior detective in high school I took fingerprints and I got a partial and so and then he came to me because I have funny feelings she when I'm like it's not me get the [ __ ] out of my house I never talk to him again but that gave me the taste of blood like yeah that game that taste of blood again so then there was this place called it was a cheese restaurant and that friends that worked up the night show they sold the best cheesecake shoes she's my why and she had the biggest tits in the world and she made the best cheesecake she worked for a guy she was a sweet girl people worked every suite but the guy who owned it was just such a [ __ ] scumbag so I saw one then she's like I got cheesecake pulled away from me it was Labor Day weekend September and I went up there to see her and it was close like a lot of fun she just told me so I went around the back and the back door was open and I went in and sure enough I go on telling you officer this is a positive bag three grand I took the deposit bag I [ __ ] hit it next day I wasn't bought an amp a cassette player and Madonna's first album well the best thing observing some Belson and that just got my fever gone foots feeling like it was always in my blood so even though I maintained my college life and my and by that time it was September so I switched out sir became an electrician I'd taken an electrical wiring course and I became malnutrition so I was working for long tradition I was [ __ ] uh you know in the bag I was smoking dope and I was doing these light little robberies and time-to-time my one buddy George was had contractor on his building and he takes me up then he goes look what we did we finished the building and he takes me through this room to this condo he goes these are the condos that we show to other people so they can buy hand furniture towels soaps TVs that Sunday I cleaned out that contract he cleaned out the stage television wicker baskets what do you doing with this [ __ ] are you reselling at my house furnish my house is furnace like a [ __ ] I had a little tree stump with a table was like home garden I had a little [ __ ] the flowers like yeah and the funny thing was me and his brother his brother Jimmy would sleep I go rob George is a fine we will update kick the door down to the apartment took everything pictures the only pictures of people like him we took everything everything the couches the carpeting we did it all with a wheelbarrow we walked up that hill like 15 I will wipe the [ __ ] out but that's what I got the taste of it and you're not extra nervous cuz you don't have the connections to the police anymore you don't have those things that somebody gives you you're probably [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] but it was snow mess the window you know what the worst crime is a snow massive broken window I get the time so they won't even [ __ ] Houston this is like that crime tape you know they're the investigators on CSI Miami it was tremendous and then a buddy of mine I said the bag in my backyard and he goes how we see tryna get in shape and he goes I got weights at my house you won't live with me and yes I would lift weights of them and one not ask what do you do for a living goes I'm a head chef he's a John Dunsworth restaurant the tower was called I got analyst he does you want a job dishwashing two nights a week cuz I get you job on prime rib night and I'll give you all the mistakes see you get begging from the steak I would go in there oh my god and just load up on that primary line a shrimp I was eating fool off people's dishes I had no respect back then like I was just an animal I was a 19 year old animal from Jersey you know and it was funny like we would go to parties afterward like he [ __ ] do dishes I was all for a sous chef mmm they told me two days on mixed sources and prep cut onions is about like cutting stuff because I can't see blood so I don't like kind of stuff I made sauces and all that [ __ ] interesting was that I became free he would take me at night we will all get together and go to different houses but these people were all coke dealers so they will ask me do you want do a while I'm like no I don't do trunk and then a week later I would rob them I kept robbing these independent drug dealers and they couldn't figure it out not to mention if anybody goes for magic castle on Hollywood if you want to get a laugh I've been once yes for the magician doc and why he's doing it just go back there was very nice to meet you who will head in telecom restore and he'll stop what he's doing to a shoe you're not gonna see Joey Coco Diaz are you and if you say yes he's I'll tell you every bad story about it he knows the law was the in-house magician at the tower and this idiot did a trick where you took a deck of cards and you put a $50 bill or a hundred and there was a fan spinning of his ceiling and he put a thumbtack to it and his thing was if he can make it go through the fan he kept it without like if it fell down then you get your 50 back okay but if it stuck through the ceiling but the ceiling was a little [ __ ] ceiling and it was like one side was like 10-foot but then it would drop like eight and a half so at the end of the shift every night and may believe I was vacuuming I'd like to go to the corner it was like eight feet and I jumped and pulled my like four or five heavy minds and then we just started stealing the rest of the ceiling just started moving outward just [ __ ] robbing him every day and he finally figured out or whatever the [ __ ] it was but it was just weird that while I was working there I started hitting drugs like high caliber half a kilo but you're not doing stand-up at that time stand-up right not even so what's crazy me is that this dude at Magic Castle years later you enter his life again in a whole different ways you're gonna see this guy again later but I just wanna I couldn't stop stealing every time I got to alright so let me ask you this would you say more than any drug that you're addicted to stealing was the drug that you were most addicted to this at this time you gotta remember my state of mind as a child my state of mind was that God took away the most important thing in my life he took a [ __ ] on me so now I really don't give a [ __ ] about humanity like my life is to make your life miserable because God made my life miserable so that's what's called lashing out isn't it lashing out at the world you know I was lashing out in my own little [ __ ] [ __ ] way so and that was it he was lashing out a drug dealers so and would you say and this is a lesson to a lot of people out there the reason you found out about almost everything you found out is cuz people talk too much they say too much I dude I got this thousand over here I got this how does listen I they sing the morning to play darts and I listen to him talking [ __ ] they give you all that now I would be outside because it was transitions I worked the efficient job till I got laid off of that and gets too cold and then I just started shoveling snow in front of my they paid me 15 bucks an hour so I lived like increased side apartments creeks I were from A to D all the drug dealers lived in that these are these are going skiing what drug dealer goes skiing that means you're leaving your stash right [ __ ] house so I would have four hours to get my way with this [ __ ] some guys that would go in their house and take an Eightball because my buddy was an engineer so he devised the since we lived in Creekside e/12 all the doors no locks were the same so he devised a tool for me to open up like a skeleton key a skeleton key to get every door every [ __ ] [ __ ] believe that so let's say you live let's say you live good birth and then wanna bust births balls I know Burt has four ounces I would come over and take one so he would blame you I would get over there at eight o'clock and you guys would be yelling at each other yelling were yellow but I'm missing an ounce this [ __ ] guy he sought I be dead Dino laughter I call this [ __ ] [ __ ] you know it's so funny I got a call from a friend of mine about two months ago dear dear friend he's in Panama right now I lived with him in 93 at the time he was on heroin and one day we were sharing a one-bedroom we were living with his grandma how was an open-mic comic and he was a junkie in a time now he's got business he's changed his life he's make six figures he it's amazing how life changed home but was sitting there and I'm watching this lady come down the stairs with her two little kids and she we had like one grill on the back it was a community grill and she's grilling so I'm broke I got like 23 bucks I'm trying to put up together seven bucks to be able to get a dick of nickel bag of weed at 20 and to get a toll and to maybe the hot dog in New York I'm living in northern New Jersey I see the lady flipping burgers and glad wonderful front doors open I run up the stairs I'll both the second floor there it is the purse is right there we'll lure him below a payday envelope I take him I run down I'll blow up his eight bills I take the envelope throw on the toilet I taped the 800 I pull him the basement and I sit in the living room like nothing that happened George my junkie buddy it's in the back he just did like a five-hour bag and he's back there like [ __ ] Zombo and all so sure enough I'll pose the door that's the lady with the cops and she's like Where's George and he took my money and I'm like hold on let me get him for you bye George George hold on the cops mayor George comes out and you could see the high jump out of them the high just jumps out and she's like you're a [ __ ] junkie I knew was you and he's like I haven't left my apartment I've been here all day so the cops of the report I felt terrible he's my brother in half you know he's my brother but I'm loving at the same time if you know anything about me I'm dying he's trying to talk himself out of it they even got me and the other one questioning me as he left the house my mom he's been home all day I don't know what this lady's trouble me why I got the small honey in the basement all right the cops leave George that can't [ __ ] believe she blames me I go out to the city I buy a dime bag I get it my steak I come back I see him I let your own launched it you know how to respect Michael hey man I'm in school you say thanks Louise and he didn't know about it thought I had robbed a lady okay 20 years later he's straight I like to take them late then you got her you got because I didn't trouble for robbing that lady he goes yeah I go his mingles you mama function I knew was you himself that's the end of the conversation about two months ago I'm in a meeting and I got a call from him like you know I can't talk right now I don't even pick it up and he's called he's calling he's calling these call is called I finally get in the car you know George what the [ __ ] he go sit down you don't love this story he goes I went to once today and a fancy restaurant he goes I sit at the bar and I'm talking to this girl and she's asking me where I'm from I tell cliff side shall I ask her where she's from and she says close side and I go when she goes 144 he would terrace he knows what he's talking about I grew up at 144 him with Terrace and she goes oh my god we must have been neighbors at the same time and she knows when did you stay that total she goes till about 93 we were doing great there but then a junkie in the building stole my mom of course George calls me right away [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] I was robbed and everybody else to blame so a by late December I had caused like a panic up to it like people were like visit there's a burglar and on December 24th I went I got really drunk and I just started breaking into businesses I was just breaking doors off hinges I went into a magazine store and I took a dolly and I put the safe on the dolly come on oh yeah you know me cuz you never open up a Sadie hey you down safe though so I take the safe to go I bang it open maybe like three grand then that had dumped the safe behind Ted Bundy where he killed the chick for real yeah it had monkey killed people up in Village Snowmass Village and I forget the hotel on the point at the time you were up there like that during that time the seven or eight years before that how come wasn't Bundy was causing havoc and aspirin in Snowmass Village I forget the name of the place where he killed the girl we threw the safe behind there [ __ ] will blame it on Bundy waking up Christmas Day and the front page of the Snowmass paper was wall burglarized on Christmas Eve like I just kicked open the doors to fall different place like that was my you know it just goes to show you how angry I was knee deep deep down inside after that they started blaming this kid there was this kid from Minneapolis that his family had a ski company and they kept blaming him for robbing everything you know and Todd something Jeff Todd something like that was his name so I cooled down I said [ __ ] I'm not gonna rob nothing for a couple [ __ ] months and left his shake hold down let people trust again I mean the city of Snowmass is like three blocks so I had the whole town locking the doors and you know balcony doors but there was one jewelry store I knew the dude who owned then he was a half a [ __ ] his wife was a [ __ ] and I knew I could break this place down he had worn no alarm at the place at that time I was working for an electrician so there was a guy that would help me with a warmth she know about alarms and she like this yo the other thing I was doing I was in Colorado I forgot the training was I became friends of this guy named Fred and his wife and Fred was an ex Vietnam Rambo like residency low rational medal of honors well I met him I didn't know I thought he was just a big fat guy but after a few years I got to find out who he was so for six months I would meet him on Saturdays I would sleep at their house on Friday they had no kids now they got like three kids one of them was gonna Notre Dame but at that time they had no kids and him and I would just he would just teach me how to kill I can hand [ __ ] and the hand weapons how to blow up somebody with simple [ __ ] like leave their [ __ ] gas on and little white outside I would have [ __ ] fuse and I mean this guy was just it first started with guns he taught me everything to know about guns how to shoot how to clean them we moved up to 22 to 32 38 to 40 forced 9 millimeters to Glocks the [ __ ] rifles to machine guns he taught me everything you know at that time I want to go back and kill my stepfather that was the deal so he was prepping me and the split some of the money with him that's crazy my wife was crazy I don't never forget that I was before I worked at The Electric Company there was a guy - Michael company who would break my balls and one day I didn't like how he broke my balls and I said something like you know won't go [ __ ] yourself and well there was nobody around that day for lunch I was doing something he cornered me and he put a knife to my neck and I was standing on pipe like metal one-inch pipe I couldn't get my grounding yeah and he goes you have embarrassed me in front of my men like that I'll [ __ ] stab you and I'm looking at this guy go on if he doesn't kill me I'm gonna [ __ ] this [ __ ] up and sure enough like an ass he put his knife down you know hear what I'm saying don't you ever embarrass me again if I was 18 of 19 he was like 30 so I had told my man Fred about this afraid those listen while she's using was it tune-up use as a practice dummy you know take some weapons and shoot them and torch them do whatever you want we went down there he told me well apart Halla watch people how to observe people you know how to keep a blog I mean this guy was a log oh yeah this guy was a genius and he goes is you know worker Sam before I give you a buzz we were gonna mail the weapons to New York I was gonna pick him up and go shoot my stepfather that was the plan he am I mean I was crazy guys I was really in bad shape you know and he your mother just died yeah yeah so uh this guy had got louder than me so he goes you gotta go [ __ ] him up I know I didn't want to kill him I just wanted anglers Howard he goes if you wanna kill him you could kill him because I'd rather you just practice this a little bit of surprise on I want you to get him while he's least expected he taught me how to attack people one to get them you just wait I jump somebody here when you jump him there when they got three beers them you want to hear their reaction time to be slow and always show all of it yeah and I found out by watching the guy I mean he made me without any study a guy for like a month and I learned that you don't think I would go to a bar every night I'm gone about 11 [ __ ] staggering so I didn't know what he was doing at seven nights a week so I caught him on a Sunday night I don't know what should I bring down there and he goes just bring a gun you get if you're a long with him you know but I want you to just practice the art of sneaking up on him like where the stand where the position yourself how to have a gun ready if he does see you you know like have it ready to [ __ ] shoot I mean it this is really [ __ ] weird [ __ ] I'm telling you and one Sunday now never forget that went downhill I watched him going to the barn I just sat on like eight hours watched him leave the bar he told me the route to take to get to his house before he did so I could soon as I saw him step out of the boys just took off and I had my truck a little bit and I walked up like a rain jacket on it was cold so I'm a believer had a hood on a yellow hood and I'll never forget to be [ __ ] I had a you know like fighting sticks yeah I had a half a fighting stick I'm like a knife and a gun yet all this on you and I had all this on but you know I was out of my [ __ ] mind I had the black Charles Bronson hat on I had the black jacket oh yeah the same cracker how is all and you know me thought I'm [ __ ] it's sure enough [ __ ] now I get behind this like side of the house I see him he's married and I see him [ __ ] walk up as [ __ ] he was starting to walk up the steps and I just turned them around and clocked them with the stick and I clocked them a few times on the legs it was horrible the noises he was making I didn't even say nothing like really I don't even think I said that I just think I whacked no bunch of times I may have said something on them right now but I remember going to work Monday that [ __ ] wasn't there and Tuesday time I forgot I wasn't there either and Wednesday they're like well [ __ ] you're still in here we better send somebody to his house to see what the [ __ ] happened moved he never came back really I thought he was like come back and report me yeah I thought he was gonna figure out it was me cuz I think I did say something to him but you also left your face open right know how you get pulled on me out the [ __ ] little mass with ya with the holes the whole thing I had the child brought something that rolls down yes with the winter collection the longshoreman to the ma you're wearing the longshoreman but it was just so weird I had such a great life up there I had such a great great life up there and I couldn't control my stealing and I had all these drug dealers confused nobody could touch me then this jewelry store came up and and then I would decided I'm gonna hold February 1st to celebrate my 21st birthday why would I celebrate it out here with these steps let me go home from the 1st to December 19th and just party for 19 days and come back on the 20th that was the plan but and his other plan between you and I guys I probably had no exaggeration probably 11 ounces of coke I had a block of hash jeez this big that was stamped by some Egyptian [ __ ] yoga teacher had like a star you know like the Star of David on it is when they this makes a stamp ash accordingly so I get was gold platinum silver whatever I had a block of hash I probably had 11 ounces of coke I had tons of stolen jewelry from hotel rooms and whatever was dealers and I probably had between us I don't know maybe 20 large in cash I actually got home and had a great time I could have off the jewelry snored the 11 ounces and blue Lou 20,000 nobody would have known the difference I didn't do that I wanted to rob that jewelry store I'm like I robbed that jewelry store cause I can really make a [ __ ] [ __ ] so I went to my alarm guy we settle up he goes calling the daytime on Sunday and cut the wiring so I cut the wire well nobody could see me no there wasn't it wasn't a world of cameras I cut the wiring did the whole [ __ ] thing and tonight I'm gonna Rob this guy this jewelry store it's the biggest [ __ ] blessing in history Colorado but I had also helped the guy I used to help this whole guy it was just kind of pull ad in the paper for Pete guys to help him carry furniture I feel what his name was he was about 70 good old guy and I would help them carry furniture and one day told me cuz you know what keep the keys to the condos nobody ever comes here he goes these people filthy rich and they come here maybe once a year so keep the keys so condos you want to run errands me from time they began gave me like a hundred bucks a week just to take the light load firewood will never game and stuff like that so I wouldn't hide the money or the coke I hid it in one of the apartments he told me these people would like in Yugoslavia and it was just a tax break for them because they were US citizens so they had this house but nobody was ever they had to go up temple cable on dance chill they had food in the cabinets I would open the love make peanut butter I wouldn't bring my own food but that's where I had the coke they had like an outdoor ski closet just in case if they did come back and get my coke my money I had everything I wanted and sure enough on this Sunday night I took the apartment I put different clothing in there and I left my house dressed as a burglar the plan was to leave my house dressed as a burglar and go up there break the front door steal the jewelry go to my side house drop the jewelry off there by the time I was walking home the cops would be out they'd see me I told them I had to go shovel the property and I'd be done I could go home in two weeks with everything I had didn't turn out I went up there broke the glass as I was stuffing jewelry into the back some made me turn and I saw a three cop cars coming up the hill with their lights off they had a silent along ha [ __ ] so I took what I could I like [ __ ] ran took my house like a [ __ ] idiot instead of running to the house static scuffing and walking I ran to my house and sure enough [ __ ] our land right here and it's two sheriff's no I got a love you know what happened fine it was a jewelry heist but for some reason we followed the tracks and then let here have you been oh has anybody comes the vision I don't know I'm in home online and looked down and my boots had snow on and then melt and I'm a [ __ ] idiot you know yeah and then I became a suspect the rumors were coming out that maybe I was a guy was robbing Lakota dealers and I said [ __ ] it let's cool this down so on February 1st I went back to New Jersey in 1984 and that's a complete different story we'll start the next time but I have a question for you so they never arrested you for that you were able to leave yes back to Jersey in 1984 February I probably tried to rob the jewelry store like January 18th okay so for 12 11 days I was walking on eggshells I heard it from a friend of mine that was friends with one of the cops that they're really close on arresting because they didn't know there was robbing drug dealers but they knew something was bright up I love you thank you for being you've already given advice to your 16 year old self you don't need to give any more goddamn advice to that kid with February 1st 1984 is where we're gonna pick up next how old you February you're you're just about the first appointee wants to about the turn toward a happy birthday by the way thank you sir I love you I'm glad you're in good health February 1st 1984 we're gonna pick it up please before we wrap up promote whatever you'd like may March 27th I am at Darlington casino was Santa Barbara California hop skip and jump and April 17th I'm in Reno and April 18th I'm in Portland Oregon I don't know one [ __ ] theater go to Joey Diaz dotnet knock yourself out like this I love you too this hand here thank you as always I am Ryan Sickler on all social media go to my website Ryan Sickler comm check out the live dates come out and see me will talk to you all next week [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: YourMomsHousePodcast

Views: 633,689

Rating: 4.8284965 out of 5

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: J8LOCWT5pd0

Length: 126min 36sec (7596 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 17 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/kingarthas2]

Oh my god i've been waiting for this episode

[u/ChronicRhinitis]

I could feel whatever Joey was coughing out

[u/benetlelax]

As much as I love these, the sound Joey makes when inhaling is very unsettling.