you jinxed me this is [ __ ] that was [ __ ] tremendous that was my first Led Zeppelin now that's the first one I ever had that took me toward the tremendous level and I will listen to houses of the Holy I would listen to dancing days and I was so young that I was scared of no quarter so I would skip over it and go to the ocean you got to be a certain age listen to no quarter you ain't ready for that yeah I found about Led Zeppelin from this girl that lived up a street for me when I was 13 there was a girl that lived up the street that [ __ ] everybody she was 21 and I was 13 and she pulled around me but I couldn't get it up I was too young but she played comfortably numb' the first time I ever kissed a chick cuz the 21 year old chick when I was 13 and she's grabbing my dick but nothing was going on I was panicking but that song comfortably numb' will always be associated in my mind with a girl and and and black dog that was the first time I ever heard black dog was his chick she turned me on his Epling turn me out a lot of good music man that's amazing when they take and you go home and go what the [ __ ] was that yes oh I had no idea because the only music I had heard when I was 13 was probably a new kiss I knew about kiss was a kiss fan already but I didn't know about that many bands it was hot you had to listen to the radio you know you didn't you couldn't like I didn't have friends who like turned me onto too much music it's like it was hard to find out about good stuff so when I first found out about Zep I'm like how the [ __ ] did I not know about this so I got the call early this morning at 8 in the morning and Philadelphia freedom was I'm young John and I started singing him my wife is looking like when the [ __ ] did you learn these lyrics I go dog oh this is sixth grade on Fridays mr. Levite Oh will let me go in front of the class at one o'clock and I was saying Philadelphia freedom my lip synced and my eyes adored you by Frankie Valli's [ __ ] let's take [ __ ] deep with that with with [ __ ] the hell in John people are rememb Elton John ha every once in a while get caught up and Johnny came along the house country comfort come freak a funeral for a friend last week something was on Daniel my friend hmm and again there's two gay guys live across the street from me but they're the [ __ ] weirdest gay guys cuz they don't go out don't do nothing they sitting that [ __ ] house all day I want to kick that door down and go you know me tell you [ __ ] gay get out there is free sperm is free you got up Santa Monica you know that dick is free free these two pigs I stay in the [ __ ] and they're not gay together what they're not together then other roommates yeah they're roommates and they never [ __ ] go out every once in one the daytime they take a cruise there in front of house feeding cats so one of the other dad got out of the car was listen to him John and I was blasting I was stoned you know when the weed and the music just connect this one I pulled up to the house and they were like out there and I hope not the window I go nobody in this country remembers when Elton John used to swing dick like a [ __ ] and they just looked at me looked at each other whereas nobody in this car and nobody gave a [ __ ] he was gay like you had an idea him and Bernie Taupin we're gay but you know he could be but who gives a [ __ ] dog street fighting man yeah all that [ __ ] was just brilliant you know everything anybody that that song it's a little bit funny you know that [ __ ] everybody knows that [ __ ] Jam you broke up to that you gave a girl your first hickey you fingered somebody for that there's always some Rocket Man what's the one in know what's the movie about the young kid who was the writer and they all got a little tiny dancer what is him and they all was singing it on the [ __ ] bus and you were feeling it you're like god damn how is that when a band wasn't in that supposed to be who that's supposed to be theoretically and almost famous wasn't that supposed to be Led Zeppelin or somebody big time that they were writing about when they were on the bus I thought it was Morrison wasn't it supposed to be no I don't think it was the doors although speaking last Friday night [ __ ] The Doors live at the Hollywood Bowl was on if you haven't seen that smoking them but get some [ __ ] juju juice without a fight yes smoking a number these cigars I've never even heard of an these are [ __ ] good yeah yeah this tastes like a cigar amazing and they have different levels of nicotine so I'm not a smoker so I'll get I got zero just to try it out it tastes the same it's great Vegas I don't feel like an [ __ ] no more now you go to a casino feel like an [ __ ] no mom it's discrete you know whatever lease it saves you you don't you know why hate getting cigars cuz I put in a baggie in my pocket yeah no I can't so when do you have time to actually sit there for four [ __ ] hours get a little well on the East Coast they have cigar lounges or like whether it have like nice leather furniture and you can get a drink that's really fun they have one right next to the Improv do they really James and I used to go to fat stogies in Studio City across the street from Jerry's deli yeah I didn't know they had them there was so much fun god damn it what god damn it what happened for you I didn't print it up my friend sent me a poster a picture that's really a post he's gonna give it to me in New York of the number one pool hall in Cuba in 1951 like when it was booming dawg 200 [ __ ] in there dressed impeccably like impeccably like no jeans like suits on women with mix on little things and champagne on buckets and these [ __ ] a shootin pool and you can see like the daylight come over the beach and [ __ ] god damn Cuba 19 [ __ ] 51 isn't it crazy how Cuba used to be like them this was the place this was the place they all would go there Kennedy would go there the mob would go there everybody went to Cuba you know actors ambassadors it was a good place to go how long have a plane ride would be from Miami like 20 minutes like how long could it possibly be it's 90 miles so it's from either San Diego that's like not even the trip to Vegas they have to do a circle just to feel okay just to make it worth a you don't listen man I don't know before for for 9/11 the trip to Vegas is 40 minutes after 9/11 awesome that became an hour tank plus they doubled the price so those of those feet are like 911 fees this times the plane of Vegas has been 50 minutes behind and they still got me here on time you know I'll have from Vegas to Burbank they know it's not that [ __ ] take a security's route really I think yes why would they do that because how guilty would you feel if you took somebody for a half hour from hit of Vegas it's not a kill sizing 234 [ __ ] fuel the fuel cost so much money they'd be crazy to do that yeah they'd be crazy to do that fuel is the number one problem with air travel the reason why they have to jack the rates up all the time is Jeff you'll keep getting more and more expensive are you serious as car fuel gets more expensive jet fuel gets more offensive Coffee was not that bad right now it's not that bad right now do you remember when Bush was leaving office yes Ron White started flying commercial that's when he got busted with weed because his [ __ ] [ __ ] ex-wife I don't know her maybe she's a nice lady I'm just on wrong side but uh she she ratted him out and said he was gonna be at the airport with weed in his pocket so the cops met him at the airport with his luggage and busted him scrapping for a little bit of weed yep let's take a little bit of weed you could google it he eaten me he went to [ __ ] I mean I don't know if he got arrested went to jail but he definitely got popped at the airport and is because he was always flying private cuz he was doing the [ __ ] blue collar tour just balling out of control did you know Bill Murray got arrested for weed I read that today because I was reading something about him and his relationship with the guy who just died he got arrested was like bales of weed bales it was it was a lot I'm gonna have to look it up I've read an article today about like their relationship and he wasn't making he wasn't paying rent and him and his brother had like 17 something crazy like huge amount of weed you know he took a long time off of movies and Bill Murray's got a brother who's a priest like a big-time [ __ ] priest somewhere like I've heard this a couple [ __ ] times Bill Murray sir is Irish he's on yeah yeah Wow yeah he was arrested with ten pounds what year let's see 1970 whoa that's 110 pounds nearly 10 pounds that's before acting that's reacting yeah amazing yeah he got was it was that before Saturday Night Live yes I know I was 73 74 75 he only got probation you got five years probation yeah first time offense 10 pounds 10 pounds a lot of [ __ ] that Your Honor I can't stop I can't stop smoking marijuana I need white chicks can you tell the stories well bringing guns back from Colorado to New York every other weekend you know bill knows the real deal man when he played the guy first gonzo he played the yes right the first thing not whether buffalo buffalo arms he really you know that's why I saw him I saw him in [ __ ] Woody Creek diamond and he was sitting with the dude he's preparing for it yeah like I did a great [ __ ] job in that movie that's not a pickle to sleep on that ol buddy ever saw nobody even knows that movie exists I have that movie you have it at home I don't I do Ron arrest Thompson fans yeah that is when he answers the phone when he's arguing with the dude he's talking to him real mildly and he just answer buddy goes wide yeah I lose it every time I know where I saw that movie the first time I you know were we with the internet what we watching the honor that people go lose brothers we were in the brand watching Blues Brothers mayhem Matt full Tron losing it I seen what had the bar at the bar losing it that when he play when they play and they get hit with the bottles and they do stand by your man [ __ ] Belushi was just on a different level oh yeah do you say it's the drugs I tell you when you do that many drugs and you wake up the next morning the next day you're very unconscious the best days I had as a salesman one night I [ __ ] I felt my spine tingling when nights that I [ __ ] felt the electric jolt of cocaine I would be a sports salesman and I would wake up and go in and by 12 o'clock I've made three grand isn't like a hangover what is it like it wasn't it was a hangover but I'm unconscious I really don't know what I'm doing you know when you think about things and you go into something and you think about it you can't really it's when you don't think about it yeah well you're just flowing and I was just flowing I would say Joey no nerves what is it on Saturdays you always do great and I remember I used to just not so much coat then that I couldn't even get sprays to open up my nose so it would take two tissues and just stick them up my nose so the drain and I would sit there all day with two tissues they would look at me and go what's up [Laughter] betting side beyond the phones talking but even with cars my best days were after a 10-hour [ __ ] binge it's on you know Wow it's [ __ ] amazing yes last thing I was telling you guys I would say Dodger game my uncle now this is the same uncle that we pulled guns on each other 25 years ago this week is the 30th anniversary of you guys pulling guns lolly guns on each other in night September of 84 on Vermont boulevardier really down here my uncle my mother's brother blood not like whoa what brother no blood grew up together cube of the same house losing Glendale always has since I used to come out here when I was a kid I used to come out here when I was a kid when I first came out here when I first came out here I came out here when I was 8 9 and 10 and we go to Dodger games Sea World Malibu we'd go to his different jobs I know my mother died I could have came back with him but I was like California I know my California I kept in touch of them and then when I was 21 I said [ __ ] New York people are looking for me I got to get out of town so I came out here and I tried to make give this a go you know and he wasn't going for it Charo he was like you got a room upstairs you got a week to get your [ __ ] together you don't get it together in a week you got to go dog knows I got to hear my mother's brother but he threw me out and I couldn't take us I tried to rob I couldn't go home with nothing so I pulled guns we pulled guns the cops came the cat came because I was robbed with him as he pulled up he called the cops in the cab team so I swore to God I go next time I see I'm gonna [ __ ] shoot you you [ __ ] I mean this was terrible this was horrendous see Newcombe from prison was at him I used to call him from my alley I used to talk yeah man it's it's the podcast oh you walk five miles a day listen to me gentlemen he brought to pop it up up at the puppet the seeds to the game they're like little apples to dry apples they have the highest level of life the accidents that known and any [ __ ] fruit dry apple some I don't it's not a dry apple do not quote me on this it looks like an app where he has to go to Huntington Beach to buy him he brought walnuts organic walnut and something else for the last 50 years he doesn't eat like a human person he eats like a [ __ ] Gentile from Studio City but he goes nuts like organic milk because home milk makes you swell up you inflame I mean he didn't stop every time I see him it's a [ __ ] here beaten he brings his own eggs to a diner and makes them cook them yeah he don't like regular eggs like you he'd only don't believe in eggs from the store you know you're very different he's got a [ __ ] him and get his own eggs or they gotta eat organic grass I should have brought you over some eggs oh I could just know how delicious our real [ __ ] it I get almost a dozen eggs a day yeah how great 24 chickens oh there's tremendous they look different there the yoke is like a dark orange and they taste different they taste better I mean I get them fresh fresh like I'm eating eggs that just came out of a chicken that day how long I never understood how chickens do that do they have to have sex because is it like sex or they just keep blowing laying it no they lay eggs every day if the hen [ __ ] them the eggs are live and the eggs become a chick but if the if the the rooster if the rooster doesn't [ __ ] them then they just lay eggs I don't have any roosters so the hens just a lay eggs they're just duds they lay them every day all those it does yeah there does oh they could never become a person person never could become a chicken I didn't know that either until I got chicken I never ate because they look I knew they did it every day but I was like but I think why it's crazy that vegans won't eat chicken eggs like they cannot become a chicken it's impossible and look if you go by my house my chickens are like my friends like they come and hang out like Jessica loves them their chickens are the kids love them they're they're [ __ ] their little animals man they're hanging around the yard you've got chickens you pick them up and everything oh my god they're beautiful yeah I got 24 of them and you have a little place for them and everything oh yeah they have a big house they have a chicken house I had it built they go wandering around my yard the night they go back in they go back in on their own no no drama from the animals there's been no not for my dogs no but there's been coyote drama and Hawk drama the Hawks eat them and the Hawks are trying to get in on them but the area where they are there's a lot of trees and they go into the trees and so the Hawks have to have an eight an area to swoop in grab him and then swoop back out and they're a little too big for that so now but when they were little there was one of them turned up missing I'm pretty sure Hawk got one of them one of the smaller ones was a long-ass time ago but the coyotes coyotes go around the fence and they look in every now and I catch them looking in I'm gonna get a [ __ ] pistol an air pistol to set them up as my easy pool of cat food out there think think no my uncle makes everybody hands down look bad like him so major yeah it's amazing no rice no no nothing just he's real healthy he's been Juicin for 50 years he's like these [ __ ] jackals they think they invented something me and Jack LaLanne how to talk 50 years ago he told me about juicing did he really ever talk of Technology Bunkley Jack LaLanne was the he was the guy that was doing that a long time ago he would take like a [ __ ] giant bowl of vegetables and juice and about juicing down so my uncle said when he came out here 50 something he came out here to be somebody's maintenance man he was working in New York as a as a maintenance man a building and an actor lived in the building that was a soap opera guy and he wasn't got a big house in LA could you come out there and be a maintenance man there's a house there in the back teeth they live back there I live in New York anyway they came out here when the guy had some TV show so my uncle would go down to the studio and he said he met he was like in Spanish it's really funny he was telling how he was an estimate rise with jackal and this guy used to do push-ups with one [ __ ] hand you know like the Cubans that's huge he was a [ __ ] Savage and he always said then that you always should eat a carrot blended or something yeah my uncle said what and onions I mean I heard Jacqueline used to go [ __ ] Arliss yeah garlic it's a [ __ ] and he yeah he was the original juicer so he's been Juicin he chooses he only has a a certain he hasn't eaten sugar in 50 years the word is a Jacqueline would [ __ ] everything that moves female or male male oh you know when I was a kid I remember waking up and that [ __ ] had an exercise showing with the suit oh yeah he had the suit so you never know I don't jumpsuit that [ __ ] jumpsuit no no he would you know he would he was eating healthy before everybody he was working out like deep into his 60s and 70s he was doing stunts when I'd first say 60th birthday he towed like 60 boats behind him like swimming he'd uh he'd did a bunch of really crazy [ __ ] like that like he was an incredible fitness incredible shape yet for everything you couldn't go near him even when he was older it was all there it's I mean which makes sense why would he be so motivated to have such a great body like deep in those fifties and sixties don't you know you're [ __ ] horny as [ __ ] flying when you throw metal around and [ __ ] push-ups and pull-ups jumping you guys dick for three or four people really - you really do when you lift weights and [ __ ] like when I was going that that kettlebell gym I really like the [ __ ] deadlift your shoes I had dick for days like I could jerk off give somebody a stabbing and I'd to have to bang one out again standing up that's the worst we got a bang one out standing up and you laughter I think it's the dogs yeah there's something pathetic about jerking off standing up I've done that oh that's a disgusting way when you have to bang one out of the shower and maybe later I like hotels because you lay down on your back it just comes out you're like a family you don't give a [ __ ] it's your own calm my married friend says he has to do it into the toilet well he doesn't on his iPhone see the thing is - about like when you're away like if you go away like if you do like comedy or something like that where you go on the road you come back home and you know you miss your girlfriend you miss your wife you're looking forward to seeing her yet but when you're with someone all the time and you can't even jerk off cuz like you're at work all day can't jerk off at work you get home she's home you're there together every night day-in day-out the monotony and the grind and then you're jerking off into a toilet that this is just something just defeating about it takes all the the zest out of life you're just hiding in the bathroom why are you in there for so long what are you doing otherwise let me I have to get a q-tip what do you why is the door locked what are you doing you've been in there for five minutes what are you doing you know just concentrating jerking off down downward jerking you don't want to miss the toilet you don't want to shoot all over the top you don't want to upper deck your load I don't think I don't think that's accurate about that I've jerked off everywhere I have found a way like this time just sitting anyway you know what I got ten minutes right you never walked off when you the trailer fee effect oh I worked [ __ ] yeah you never walked off when you want everything in an office no my not you by yourself you have a whack off driving [ __ ] yeah I'm not not fully but I'm like gotten horned up never I can't imagine coming like no [ __ ] why do I like you [ __ ] yeah you look for an ol McDonald's bag you wiped that [ __ ] sperm well I can't nervous when the backseat is green in three [ __ ] days I only whacked off once while driving and I after I jerked off while I was driving I was like great now a jerk-off in the car - I was thinking I was gonna do this all the time and I for whatever reason I only did it once one [ __ ] thing I did at one time it was when I was driving limos I just lifted up my shirt shot my stomach put the shirt down patted it down I was talking to somebody today who had to get a fertility testing and I'm surprised more people don't miss like the cup I just get into it and forget about the cup it was really weird he was told me the head like and I like an Apple TV full of porn like a mostly a lot of transvestite stuff how would he know how much translate stuff they had people who let's see what we got here yeah well this one's not doing it for me he said there wasn't a lot of girl-on-girl hey that's all you're surprised about he said it was mostly regular like big boobs or gay and transvestites big boobs or gay and transvestite wow I wonder what their business where was this weird part in LA I don't know where he went but it was I almost got tricked tonight by a transgender person I was in subway before cuz I know this animal is gonna kill me this man I guess came in but I couldn't tell from behind had the best ass I've probably ever seen on anything but then I changed the t-shirt white jeans and a jacket I didn't see the show here yeah I saw her walking up and down yeah she's a hooker she has but I heard it in their voice I was like oh that's not a girl and then she turned around like oh that's really not a girl but I can't like the I got tricked like have you ever been Jon you got tricked if you suck this dick that's how you got trigger you get Rick but you just saw and said let me get my [ __ ] together before she advertises me you know if you ever want to see the really transvestites you have to get up very early in the morning go home late at night and I'm Santa Monica and Vine it is like [ __ ] the walking dead of transvestites between maybe 4:30 and like 8:00 in the morning Santa Monica in fine that's a crazy like a vine Santa Monica LaBrea Santa Monica Highland well that whole area it's very strange not at 4:00 in the [ __ ] morning it is not like it's 6:00 in the morning like I used to go down after nine o'clock Weight Watchers meeting on Sunday and I'd still see them out from the night before they have Weight Watchers meetings yeah you have to go to meetings I didn't know that yeah you have to go to meetings so it's like at Alcoholics Anonymous thing yeah yeah cuz all they way you know they talk about knowledge for an hour how to avoid this how to avoid that and when you go on vacation me to toast with the baked potato you know a little [ __ ] like that you know he toast with baked potato I'm just saying you know what the [ __ ] they just it's like 35 minutes you go in you pay your dues and get the [ __ ] out of it huh some people weigh in some people don't man some people go down and just to not lose weight at all it'll go there every [ __ ] week just to get out of the house it really is an amazing thing you know but they have them like at 9/11 isn't that what happens with a lot of people they get involved with almost anything like there's a lot of things that people do with it just trying to get out of the house whether it is going bowling and I remember I went to a Renaissance Fair once and there was you know everyone in the Renaissance Fair pretty much everyone talks like they're from another time right there are milady you know the style won't you know they speak that way but this one lady wouldn't do it she was breaking character like she was just there to hang out and she was complaining about her husband her husband won't take his medicine I went to the pharmacy I got him all this resident and this other chick was pissed off that she wouldn't you know go along with it she goes uh sorry I don't understand what does that mean about medication and prescriptions what are they speaking about like she was speaking you know she was like trying to pretend that the other [ __ ] was like mad at her like come on cut the [ __ ] I'm talking about my I'm trying to complain here she was just trying to complain she just she wasn't into being in the Renaissance Fair she just wanted to get the [ __ ] out of the house and [ __ ] and whine and so she put on some crazy European outfit and went out to this Renaissance Fair I was just trying to treat it like it was just a normal coffee shop just hang out and whine about things my dad does it in Florida he retired he moved down there and was bored he does this like community Patrol thing in a police car like the Sheriff's Office has it he doesn't like four hours a week they gave him a real uniform he goes around to the hey you had to learn the codes for things what's his name Zimmerman that's where it sits we had this conversation on your podcast about I always believe that you want to do something you know you just keep showing up you know and I thought about it after like when I lived in Seattle Seattle was my real open mic era you know so Mondays and Tuesdays let's say 20 people with it that's what the list was 20 people who buddy have six minutes seven minutes the last two guys probably had 10 minutes I said those 20 people some of them would just dare to fill a void mm-hmm but do you go find know that that's what works for them yeah they have a local job they just wanted to calm me as a hobby you know but that happens and everything yeah went to the acid [ __ ] it I was sitting at I had nothing going on I said you don't want to try these knee pads because when I tried the knee pad first after the surgery it didn't fit so I put this knee pad on Tyler Fitz I put my pants on just go to jujitsu just do hip escapes that's it just make the legs go that way make them go this way once I'm get tired and get the [ __ ] out of it dawg I was drenched and it's a big difference between elliptical sweat and jujitsu sweat hmm you just do sweat you know and you got a lotta mitts on your neck and [ __ ] that's coming out of your head poisonous [ __ ] it's tremendous you're doing noogie right no I do gauge when you do Agee and you know you're you're working out when you take that game when you get that big heavy thick canvas key and it just soaked oh my god cuz I went to pick it up just now see if I could throw it in the hamper yet no man I'll do wet oh that was so wet I was like it's six [ __ ] hours later but it's funny I went down 18 and Tuesdays and Thursdays is a very small class compared to their night classes but there's one guy that walked into class dressed with his gear ready no warmup doesn't have never never been that 12:30 go sits now his feet are always dirty sits down like kungfu doesn't do hip doesn't do anything warm-up sits there watches the technique does it five times on each side gets up bowels and walks off huh that's why he just wants to do a couple drills that's it and he works as a security where you training at what price on the boys it's right it's BMAC they're right around the corner I'll bounce like I'll go to V Mac but V Mac doesn't have all the classes and I can't do Wednesday nights I can't do Monday nights I'm doing this so Monday days I'll go to Higgins I'll shoot down the Beverly Hills and not go to heon's I went there for the whole month of August mojo so now when this gets better I'll go Egan's at 11 it's 11 to 12 15 real quick we're seeing the Beverly Hills behind the tuxedo shop he can used to have a place in like Redondo right no no no that was the other brother that was Hajer who's got the place by the ice house that we own John John yeah I think Carlos is in Dallas and jean-jacques is in Tarzana mmm jean-jacques is apparently opening up a place in Austin to with Todd white yes somebody's opening yeah cuz Todd white was he's one of John jocks black belts he's the artist he used to work for Nickelodeon now he does this amazing cocktail style like 1930s and 50s almost cartoonish really cool stuff and he's are super popular like he can't turn out art enough like everybody wants to buy Todd White's I went to a friend's house and she had a Todd white thing on the wall like years ago I was like this is crazy it's my friend Todd's like this is nuts she's making Bank right oh because somebody was telling me the whole thing it's it's ridiculous fallen out of control artists it's amazing well that's it that art thing is a weird world but once you become like a guy that everybody wants to have a piece I want to Joe original Joe Diaz and you know becomes like a thing that these aren't people I was talking to a friend who explained it to me and he was saying that they manufacture it what they'll do is they'll they'll get an artist and then they they they take a bunch of people that they already have connections with like really big people that buy 50,000 dollar paintings like nutty and they buy them is investment oka because they like art they buy them as investments they buy them because it's a hobby it's a thing for them it's like you know those crazy wine people those people that are like that with art they're crazy art people there's by art and the gallery will contact them and say listen there's a guy who's coming up he is phenomenal and just I want to gift you a piece because we know you're such a loyal customer and I'm gonna give to you a twenty-five thousand dollar painting you know because for a guy who's buying millions of dollars where the art because a lot of these guys actually do buy millions of dollars worth art from a particular gallery gifting a guy a twenty five thousand dollar piece is just an investment but it's not really a twenty-five thousand dollar piece it's a twenty five thousand dollar piece because they say it's twenty five thousand dollar piece so you gift four or five guys these these big high roller guys these pieces now they're in the art community well who's that that's an original Joe Diaz yeah the gallery gave it to me it's a twenty five thousand dollar piece the guy's incredible Wow yeah he's having and there's gonna be a gallery show in October so then they put on the gallery show in October the prices have already been established and then you see 35,000 nobody flinches and they just start buying them like hot cakes why because these big shots already have the $25,000 pieces so they create this bizarre bubble this bizarre market and they do it by giving these like really big high rollers expensive pieces it's really fascinating it really is yeah smart I mean they just look you know what it is it's like it's a hostel they figure out how to get in with these people they figure out how to just how to make it like I was hearing about um there's certain handbags that that really rich broads are really into these certain bags I don't remember the name of it but you have to have a relationship with the people that sell the bags in order to even buy a bag like you can't just go in off the street you have to have already been a client so you have to buy a bag to get it back so it becomes exclusive so because it's exclusive they're selling these bags for like $50,000 I'm like how the [ __ ] is someone paying fifty thousand dollars for a purse it's a bag it's not a Ferrari you can't drive it it's not there's nothing there's no crazy engineering involved in this it's not like a watch that some guy made by hand and he's got [ __ ] giant goggles on it takes six years to make a one now it's a [ __ ] purse but because they've engineered this exclusivity they've arranged it and they just they work that market that market of people with incredible wealth because especially where we are we don't even realize it you know you grew up you know in a place where it was like blue-collar and you know nobody was multi-multi-millionaire but there's places like Brentwood or you know bel-air where you might have a hundred people in a mile radius that have $100,000,000 like that's not uncommon I mean there's insane money in certain areas were you looking at these homes there's twenty five million dollar home that's a 30 million dollar estate this house is going for 50 million I mean there's a lot of that in this area and all they have to do is tap into those folks because they have insane disposable income and what's expensive to you or I it's not expensive to them it's nothing $25,000 for painting ain't [ __ ] for them so they figure out a way to weasel into that world and then it becomes about that world then it becomes about that exclusivity you know this is an original job Diaz look at that on the wall very nice where'd you get it well you know the gallery you know they've got a show coming up I love this use of color and they just are trying to find ways to spend their [ __ ] money I mean they might have a house in Costa Rica they got a [ __ ] house in Canada you know I mean like there's a lot of those people in LA that are just stupid rich I heard that there's like a social network now they have to pay like 10 grand to get into is that have you heard about that no what's your call trying to find it right now here we go social network that cost $9,000 gets free stupid okay what are you gonna get out of this social network are they gonna blow you we called metropolitan metropolitan it's six thousand a joint and then an additional three thousand that renews annually to keep to continued access everybody joining you have to be 21 let's see if it says they're not sharing how many members of course I know there's two people in it oh my god you have to be a real [ __ ] I can't admit where the pen breaks in a $50,000 bag what if I nail polish thing spills what are you dog pisses on oh my god thoughts amazing to the park I go to the park every [ __ ] day but yeah they I went to the park and I heard women talking and they were talking about they kept prices in the area that they went shopping what about that man oh my god I looked at the web page and it was just I thought I was dizzy I was on the swing and they want you know my baby was on the swing and I was bugging out so I could hear them talking on the swing and they were talking about how you have to get on the list to get your kid into this [ __ ] daycare like we have to know somebody and then they have to get you on the list and it's exclusive in van nuys going like how did they make it exclusive like what do the kids do that's different is there a security guard then they [ __ ] free [ __ ] you know give him a chef right I mean are they gluten free meals I mean you know I think I want my kid to get a little [ __ ] dirty I mean but they were totally I heard them talking about percentages let's say every other day care around this 200 a week this plays wild like 1,200 a week 1,200 away something just [ __ ] ridiculous something just ridiculous and Van Nuys you know and it's the same thing how they just make it exclusive it's exclusive you have to get on a [ __ ] list a list for what so my kid could play with [ __ ] blocks hmm maybe it's just they just have a great setup I mean maybe it's just like great out of a setup could it be twelve hundred a week sounds insane well that's something with comparison to what a regular daycare is this is how much more wise Wow and they had like just you have to get on at six months and if your child's not potty-trained and I went home and I'm thinking about I asked my wife but she was oh yeah they got him all over like that that you the one by the house by Marie et Cie yeah that's a Christian Church that have to wait list a Jewish people to put that kids in that day care because the daycare is just that good what about pet hotels where they give them like TVs and beds have you heard about that like an all-day animal well the you know it's it's you know and listen man it's whatever the [ __ ] you pay for whatever you believe man you know it's just [ __ ] amazing it's twenty-five thousand for a picture whatever the [ __ ] artist and you sit there and I've been to those things my buddy in New York is like a great framer his shop isn't the Lower East Side and whenever I go back he gives me a hug and he kisses me on both cheeks I mean it's not his fault we were 15 in summer school so I play his game I go over there when I was broken 84 I [ __ ] made deliveries from frames and pictures and [ __ ] and you know every night they go to these things I've been with them where they go and they sit and they look in front of a picture and they make believe they drink wine these people give you some of this they give you you know sushi it's a social thing it's a social thing it's a it's a big social thing to be an art collector because it shows that you have a certain amount of taste you know like if you if you're into obscure art that's a Jackson Pollock mmm amazing amazing I love what he's doing here's his concept is incredible I didn't know there were any current artists getting that much money oh I thought it was older people no you just have to be in that circuit you just have to be in that I was over a bob gurcius house Bob Hirsch is the [ __ ] guy owns Kirsch he's the guy that I had to get on the phone with they were trying to get me to apologize Earthman see and him and him in the wig and I'm out over his house in aspirin it's a long [ __ ] time ago and he's got this thing on his wall and it's like a bunch of pieces of paper like it looks like tissue paper glued onto other paper and like a lot of paint and I look at it I go I go disease is this something as his kid made and someone goes no that's a blah blah blah and I go what's that and he goes that's worth $30,000 I go what the [ __ ] are you saying I mean it wasn't even big news it was like as big as that Longest Yard framed poster you have up there that thing you know and it was it wasn't like an enormous piece that took [ __ ] 50 years to make no it's like a normal-size painting it's like bunch of [ __ ] tissue glued to a thing and some scribble it was abstract modern art you know that's what they call it abstract or [ __ ] nonsense unless it was your kid you know if your kid made it it would be cute it made sense to me I thought it was his kid like what the [ __ ] is this this is $30,000 I think when they throw their [ __ ] like the like the counterfeiters living dying that way he would draw the artists yeah them on fire yes died out lay that [ __ ] movie was hung in the morning at 6:00 and the more I put on a que toi news let me see what else is on I'd [ __ ] put that's why remember I put that part on it starts with him burning a picture he burnt the [ __ ] pictures in the beginning at the end you know there's those [ __ ] guys that do the art oh the picture because it just meant to my closure and yours my god you gotta get your [ __ ] together guy it's [ __ ] all over for you you know it's the art world is filled with a lot of pretentiousness but just uh just art itself calling yourself an artist being an artist wearing a scarf when they call themselves an artist yeah that's where my fan and they justify by going you know you're an artist I'm sibling but there are artists what there are artists but these really pretentious artists they [ __ ] up the whole concept of being an artist you know like lip Quentin Tarantino is a [ __ ] artist okay that's a guy who creates badass [ __ ] movies he's it's an art to him you know I mean like you know fill in the blank Richard Pryor was an artist you know he was a real artist he created art on that stage but some [ __ ] they they say you know I'm an artist and you just go yeah you just want to throw up on them yeah it ruins the word rule it ruins the term you know we are the star yeah we're very finicky what the [ __ ] you know I'm an artist I just I can't beat down I'm an I'm a free spirit you don't consider yourself an artist Joe oh yeah every morning when I wake up I'm gonna go see artists and so how well you are an artist but you're economic and the comic supersedes everything else being a comic is you know it's a different communities without a doubt in art form but it's being a comic is the most important aspect of the art form and that eliminates any possible pretension there's no problem you can't be pretentious to be a [ __ ] comic you're a [ __ ] joke Slayer you know that's what we do you know just listen I could never I have invited this wedding I think I told you I didn't invite this wedding usually I won't [ __ ] go to a wedding but it was in town I don't go and it'd be a nice date night for the wife and we get to the wedding other people like oh my god was so happy you made it we put you in the celebrity table the celebrity table [ __ ] Gwen Stefani and a [ __ ] husband and the black dude from Rocky Apollo Creed Apollo Creed and Carl Weathers call weathers and you know just a bunch of other people are lucky yeah like this level celebrities yeah like just you know once define he's pretty big yeah that's before she got pregnant like this is this about two years ago maybe she still she was huge was she here yeah I got peas right no that's that's for you no doubt yeah you know but uh no it was just really weird that that word right there and it's just you know man every time I like I hear [ __ ] like that like somebody comes actually like today I was washing the collar and somebody came in and said something about how I saw you on nurses oh and I want to say I wish you woulda saw me when I arrived I really don't I wish you would've saw me when I robbed the [ __ ] the changed thing for blind kids from a Carvel one thing because I was sure four bucks for a [ __ ] 20 cycle weed Oh Sonia I wanted to tell Carvel cuz I knew they always had like fives and [ __ ] so I bought like the baseball Cup with the ice cream minute to give me like the Kansas City Rose did you get pissed off I stole the [ __ ] can with the goods you know and that's why I think about whenever somebody says uh wow you know that role you have in the movie and I feel like saying god you're gonna have a [ __ ] idea like what are you getting why is it bad that they like you for a role in a movie like what is it that you you you want to like redefine yourself none what something about redefining myself it's just about you know we're talking about my uncle taking me to this game I tried to rob me 25 years ago at gunpoint whatever we don't talk about that like I wanted me to tell the story on the storytelling I said re if you don't know my uncle he don't talk about it he very like I apologized him on the podcast and he wouldn't even he don't go that bro he's never told me he loved me I tell him all the time I love you deal all right I'll see you know just not [ __ ] around he called me ran out yesterday he goes cuz I thought I couldn't go to the game don't work he was the only person I wanna go to the game with with you not even my son because I think I'm on CA 76 he's my mother's brother you know but yes it on the way back you know that wish your mother would grow up to see what you became she goes at the funeral you were lost kid but when you came here every time I look through your eyes I thought the Charles mance Nancy because I thought about John Watson my fellow he what good do if you were to kill her because you were either gonna kill somebody he was telling me bro he that's what he you know he called me out nobody had ever called me out for I was 21 years old your name right after my mother died he might be so sensitive don't say them to him he might snap my uncle said I don't give a [ __ ] if your mother died that was five years ago put it behind you it's over they say in the free world [ __ ] I ain't giving you a [ __ ] dime but when he said that to me last night that you know it really hit home because you had killers on you really kills him that you were gonna kill me that [ __ ] night you woulda killed yo you would kill me for $500,000 well we became friends you were definitely a different guy in the late 90s well but you reminded me of everybody that I knew from the pool hall like I love being around you because you were like but what I hated most when I first came to LA was that when I was in New York and when I was in Boston I was surrounded by you know East Coast people that were either comics or they were martial artists or there were pool players it was like there was a there was a grit to them there was a fun there was a I could talk to them you know there's there was real conversations to be had and then coming out here everybody was like preparing for it like we were downstairs those people with their scripts they're preparing and they're sitting there and I'm and I'm seeing them going over their lines going over the thing I'm like this is hell this is hell like this preparing for for a role and being in the the whole the whole Hollywood scene like trying to get people to like you and hire you for things it's weird world it's a weird world and here is this guy hanging out the comedy store there was a total hustler I mean you were a total hustler you know and we became friends like immediately like we became friends like right away I remember bringing you around the [ __ ] news radio said like who is this guy this is [ __ ] menacing guy in a leather jacket that keeps eating all the shrimp and you know for me it was even the Comedy Store that we loved was very goofy how was goofy step back we saw it a couple of weeks ago I've been taking Lee with me and I gonna come down you know my foot come to the store and it was great the first three or four times and he sat there when you know he I got a tag for you oh that was the worst it was the worst night I saw Tony I had a calm and apologize the next day Tony Hinchcliffe well he was with you in Sacramento uh-huh Quan apologize why because I had to get the [ __ ] out of it totally came up to my mind Tony I love you I've seen it and I was telling you someone's telling you they had a tag for you well one night with Lin family will get ready to leave in like hold on then like listen man I heard that joke and we gotta give you this tag you should say me look I'm saying this I don't even know and Lee's and me and Lily's like that was [ __ ] weird and then the next night we went down again and that's what the guys are saying we have this idea for a TV show Oh oh my god and you're like I just get on stage I just you know you're walking to your car you're not even thinking about a TV show yeah you're thinking about how you should have said the instead of cat [ __ ] of course and then we have a word and he was right there mm-hmm this idea for you for a TV show not even how are you right what have you been up to and he looked at me we were high as [ __ ] which really kills you when you're at the commies know somebody's trying to sell you something didn't Tony Hinchcliffe came and I thought Tony I'm like I can't even you know I gotta get out of here to blow up the Highness the set the people trying to sell me a TV show and the people that are trying to sell you things at the Comedy Store most likely they never sold [ __ ] before they just have an idea and they think they're gonna come to you and that's how they're gonna do a TV show brighten it was just the idea we looked at each other while they [ __ ] I mean it was just so I understand that like at the comments was always that one person that you find warmth in and I found that with you because everybody had to calm everybody at that time was looking to get on a show too quick Tommy there was a big of that people would get a TV show and that was it yeah and it would have that happen like four or five times and here's this guy that tapes a great show and after the 10-hour 12 hours shoot still comes in does his 15 that was setting the original on the 12 o'clock I couldn't figure it out most people would just go home and go [ __ ] stand-up that's below me you know you know and it's really weird the people that have stuck it up and we'll always be stand-ups like I always give those guys respect don't come back to it after the show got cancelled and do Stan yeah Wow your show is on you tell your agents hey those weeks that you don't have me up at Warner Brothers I want to be out the whole [ __ ] summer I want to do this I don't know welder the show doesn't want you to curse onstage say any [ __ ] jokes on stage no [ __ ] you know Saget - yeah no [ __ ] so you have to and here I'm watching this guy that's going against everybody else he's going against what everybody else believes everybody wants to use to call us someone means to the end of an end for the means means to a means to an end that's it that in my life that's not how my self to me and if I got on the show that just helps me that'll help me get up there and it gets easier now when I go to a club in Iowa my dream was to get in a car and pull a Mitch Hedberg and go to all these clubs just drive across country one time you know be on a TV show do two 26 episodes but once that shit's over with getting a Congo bon voyage I'm on here and just go across the country and you see a funny bone jump in there you see comedy catch jump in there you see a comedy saloon jump in there you see a pizza place with an open mic and you're a Minneapolis [ __ ] to jump in then you do that for six to seven weeks and as a stand-up comic and people go I just thought you were on TV I didn't know you were this [ __ ] funny oh this is what this is what I do I didn't give a [ __ ] I didn't tidy when I was growing up I was watching Charles Bronson I love Charles Bronson I loved when he killed somebody I loved all that [ __ ] with to cheer me for me with the fly and and then but I never thought I was gonna do that I thought that I would always be an extra if they ever used me I thought that we're gonna come to the comedy store and say hey you you want to be in my movie you know I'd watch Hollywood nights you ever see Hollywood nights at Tony Danza Michelle Pfeiffer you see will be all the people around him on comics in the Comedy Store Arlis TK Carter is the black guy that's doing the fraternity run the dude who had the show once on a married man Mike binder he's the [ __ ] the kid who has the mind of a married man mind of a married man he's the [ __ ] Hollywood nights is a famous place is closing down on Hollywood Boulevard but these are all of these Hollywood nights you they they have to I didn't forget it's just but this seems when they take these black guys and they put sheets on them they make them walk a little white man I mean it was just crazy and the people pissing the punch but if you look at all the car man that movie they just went into the store and picked up a bunch of [ __ ] one night and put them in that the same thing with Gabe Kaplan we will grew up with the same thing with Jimmy Walker you know suppose they cut the deal to good time in the back and one of the boots there Freddie Prinze that's what we came from but you always remain the stand-up you always that was your roots when I came here they I got here and they said are you gonna go for an audition from my peteyboo I know nothing about that about commercials I thought they said commercials and [ __ ] my eyes know what the shock emerges like Amy seriously I'm not [ __ ] commercials I came in Italy your face is great for commercial okay yeah yeah I don't know think I didn't even know I never even thought about shooting [ __ ] commercial I got a friend of mine was analyzed that was that your your first big movie basically basketball basketball that's reliable that's when I first didn't want the NYPD blue didn't get it and as I was walking by a door Lenny pops up she was you here for your audition I guess so give me a sheet of paper I read it and boom I booked three weeks of five grand I never saw nothing like that in my life why I snorted every penny and then I robbed the [ __ ] rollerskates I robbed a different pair of rollerskates every [ __ ] day all right everything when I returned them at Five Guys what is that the five sports watch guys think I'm [ __ ] kidding you I would get to my room that'd be a size 13 and where I put them back in the box and clipping the lady would come a wardrobe every day for three weeks every day come back again Thirteen's and I started giving me size 12 we don't know what I have nor 13 me neither what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] going then twelve I was coming home with band-aids Devin forty a pop plus tax when I returned them and they were safe every day the same sporting guns are you doing what happened your grandma gave me this we could hide you though what do you want cash in check let me get some cash to stop and get gas by the time I quit by the time I stopped shooting I was down for like a size eight the truck let's rock the rollerskates was missing a Chunkin I wish I was lying to you I wish I was trying to just be funny and be cute this is how crazy I was you're absolutely right I was a stone-cold hustler and I knew it it was like well you remind me a lot of my friend Johnny right you always said yeah you remind me a lot of him you were just uh you both didn't give a [ __ ] this a lot of people pretend to not give a [ __ ] they're pretending but you know then little things will come out and you realize so they kind of put on an act but you would you would say so you just tell me stories about things you just done or I would see you you know come out of the bathroom at the Comedy Store with some [ __ ] crazy broad and it was funny just funny times it was just funny it was just you're a real for me you were like a real connection to what I was missing like back in the East Coast cuz the Comedy Store at that time was all these like bode acts it was like guys that would do like cruise ships and they would sing they would have like songs they would sing it was just it was a lot of [ __ ] for every damon wayans that would come in every real comic that would stop by there was a lot of like really bad comedy for a few years there from like 94 to like I would say like 96 97 there was those were bad times at the [ __ ] Comedy Store man but something happened it's like they come in dips and cycles because I remember when I first came there I was really disappointed I first came out there to do a pilot me and Jim Breuer we did this thing in 93 it was called hardball and Breuer played the this this mascot for his team and you know we were hanging out together we're shooting this pilot and we want to go in the store and we were like this place is dog [ __ ] like neither one of us we weren't paid regulars there we're just comics from New York so we went and watched the show we just hung out the back were like this is [ __ ] terrible always going up do you remember anybody I don't want to say names because some of them are still alive they weren't really black for one of them had a three in his name right right right right but it wouldn't leave for a while detectives you believe that meditech this Tupac really it's gotten to a shootout there one night oh yeah in the main room in the main room huh someone shot at him in the main room at the main room yeah he shot at someone who was very blurry but it was was it mo bettah Monday's was it no this was how it was yeah at Tuesday's this man before was before Fat Tuesday yeah those guys from Fat Tuesday is still around the st. Louis they good dudes man there's a good yeah it was I heard I didn't know I heard it just go wait here the guy Torry take it over maybe 97 96 when I got there 97 that was already established and the guy saw me at the Laugh Factory made me go up and I ate a [ __ ] bag of [ __ ] debt and I yeah that I twisted around I just went black and twisted around it was great as I went to walk off Richard Pryor came I sat down and I said listen you know whatever I don't matter when I've listened to you it was the first time I heard [ __ ] crazy or whatever when I saw him I said that was it guys that was it for me like I don't know nothing like I heard that and I went immediately and bought it and went home he said this dog yeah I told him I said to him from the stage why I walked though he was already foolin he had three people around his head up but just to see him and then I knew I was home you know I knew I was home that's how I knew I was like god damn did you ever see him when he did sets are you there for them no no that was weird he did a bunch of sets where before he died I followed him almost every show almost every show he did mitts he threw me up after him because yeah I had to figure out like strategies to get the audience to laugh because they were so depressed because they saw they had seen the greatest of all time and he was just gone he was a shell of himself and he he could barely talk like he was he they had to crank the mic up like and he just be like Oh [ __ ] sometimes love me back like there was no jokes I mean that was like a whole joke that was a beginning setup punchline he would drink wasn't supposed to be drinking he was on medication you give a [ __ ] you just drink anyway and he would go onstage and then he would do his time you know whatever it was 20 minutes or so and sometimes more whatever he could whatever he had the energy for and then it would take them several minutes to carry him from the stage to the back of the room and Marilyn's husband Manuel Martinez there Dave and Chuy would help him and they would you know get one under each arm and they would walk him through the room and then they would put him in his wheelchair when they got to the end of the showroom original room and I would go onstage and he didn't bring yeah you know Jeff Scott would bring you up from the side so Jeff Scott would bring me up from the side and you know from the piano and you go on stage while everyone's like clapping and he's walking out here I was nobody you know some unknown [ __ ] idiot it wasn't even that good at comedy yet I was terrible and I had to go on after Richard Pryor but I had to develop like Joe I developed lines to say to like to make fun of the fact you just saw the greatest community of all time and know the unknown white guy a lot of [ __ ] let down and I just had to like I had a whole shtick that I would do about what this is a letdown like blah and I was like like that's as if you just did that and then did this like I had a whole thing like making fun of myself for happening go on after Richard Pryor how many times did you follow him before you decided he got to do that oh I had to do it immediately I did because I bombed the fur by bombs several times going on after him and it wasn't just that I sucked because I definitely wasn't very good but it was also that the room was somber every time I only really did really well like a couple of times the other times was just survival but I you know I probably followed him I think he did like five or six weeks of sets there so I might have had to follow him 1520 times I don't know I don't know how many times it was because they're so long ago it was late 90s but there was a bunch of times when I used to go on right after him when you I mean I was a kid and my parents turned me under Richard Pryor they took me alive at the Sunset Strip when I was a kid man I don't know how old I was but I couldn't have even been 13 it was like I was like 12 or something like that whatever I was and I remember sitting in that movie theater dying laughs and hold it onto my stomach watch and look it around at one time while the film's plan was looking around and all these people like falling forward in their chair and I remember thinking to myself all the funny movies that I've ever seen all like Blues Brothers and all that kind of [ __ ] I've never seen anybody laugh like this I've never been to a movie where someone laughed like this and then I've realized like stand-up comedy's incredible I was like this guy is just talking he doesn't have special effects he doesn't have any music playing while he's talking he's just talking and we are dying laughing and that probably was what planted the seed of me doing stand-up I didn't really think about doing stand-up for real until I was 21 tell us 20 and then I waited until I got my 21st birthday because I couldn't go to a nightclub before I was 21 but being there all those years later after I done stand-up for like probably six or seven years at the time six years maybe and then being in there with Richard [ __ ] Pryor and having it go on after him over and over and over gonna like this is so bizarre it's like the weirdest sort of patchak passing of a torch thing not even a passing a rite of passage maybe or something like my own rite of passage like Here I am in front of my comedy Idol like if I had to choose like the one guy that was like the most influential to me I mean Richard Pryor's right up to probably not one guy it's like him in Kennison like the most influential to me so to see him when it was over like that Tommy a lot of [ __ ] would you want to be up on stage of you were 75 not like that there's no need for it but I would only want to be on stage if I was entertaining like Carlin was entertaining - the [ __ ] day his heart stopped how old was he when he passed George looking up I want to say he was in his late 70s but I might do no I think maybe 69 or something right than that really he died he was 71 Wow just 71 you know I think that if for you if you're a stand-up I mean I'm not gonna tell you when you I'm not gonna call you just 76 and Joey Joe stop bored I would know I think I'm not [ __ ] entertaining but you're in that house I mean if that's what keeps you alive that's what it would keep guys like I saw live well that's one of the reason why I like to do a lot of different [ __ ] - I don't like having all my eggs in one basket no no no but you know what I'm saying you know today let me tell you something I did something that I said I gotta go I just had to go I just wanted to just touch the mat oh dude you said you just happened it's the same way when me would stand up well I know I'm gonna bad mood and things ain't going right this refrain working just [ __ ] Facebook ain't working you know he's [ __ ] hot out that means I gotta get on stage right I got something to talk about that means that's my therapy and then you two three four nights and you're back to [ __ ] normal your ph is balanced and all that [ __ ] the difference is you're really funny right now and you know Richard Pryor was my opinion one of the if not the best ever top two it's between I give Kennison the best ever for a year I think for one year Kinnison was the best ever but I think prior overalls the greatest comic of all time and then he's not he's not there anymore man what he's the violation and Lenny Bruce well Lenny Bruce is probably the most important guy because he was the guy who went to jail for obscenity what would argue it in court Carlin went to jail for two he was also the guy who like he set the path you know he started the whole that kind of stand-up the kind of you and I do the kind when you go on stage and just honest about [ __ ] like he started that that was all him and you know Hicks and Kinnison they worshipped him they worshipped Lenny Bruce and the way I kind of found out about Lanny Bruce was actually Kinnison had Lenny Bruce's mom yeah yeah yeah like managing him or something like that right she for the benefit for her she was on one of his like on a thousand dollars and he was Gaston yeah when I lived in Seattle II did the heirs of Lenny Bruce and I guess his mother had donated a picture and they did this right I still had that that was my all-time favorite pictures I got the feature the last weekend of the festival you know just having that picture in your name interact you know but know I'll always love Lenny Bruce there's nights I find myself watching you know old black-and-white Lenny Bruce and giggling I like his style the material might be not what it's dirty is behind but his style it's a time capsule time yeah I mean you're looking you're essentially going back in time and you're watching a guy who in that era that was a that was an innocent world no I mean no one understood what this guy was doing you did all those little things is what I really like so there's a guy dig and he goes that you know like and what kill me about this whole thing is he's Jewish yeah that's well that watch him I'm like this is a Jew town in the world of his dead people he did a bunch of [ __ ] crazy Hitler Joseph he did some [ __ ] brilliant [ __ ] oh yeah for people know you were talking he got arrested for saying [ __ ] on stage right wasn't that it he was arrested several times for a cent for a bunch of different things that he said on stage and the end they they kind of like took his career away I mean he lost all of his money fighting it in court and you know even when he died his name wasn't clear he was still going to court and they when he broke down at the end there's videos of this you could you could I bought a DVD of it once or VHS tape at the time it was him going over his court transcripts he would be on stage with these pieces of paper and talking about why the judge was wrong it was essentially he was doing a podcast about his court transcripts and the audience was bombed down man they were like give us dirty Lenny you want to heat that's what used to call him dirty Lenny we want dirty Leonard talking about boobies she's got boobies man we got those titties yeah you know like he wanted a like he would say things like that and people would like that couldn't believe you saying it you know this is the 1950s or 1950s and he was just a complete unique thing and it was influenced by a lot of the jazz musicians or they were influenced by heroin it was influenced by jazz musicians he was influenced by a lot of black guys he was around a bunch of people that didn't give a [ __ ] and he took that not given a [ __ ] and brought it to comedy and there's also this desire to describe the world around him in accurate terms instead of just telling a bunch of jokes this desire to like make people laugh and let them see the hypocrisy in the world that they're living in so it was him who's Pryor who was like the most honest about his life and his feelings and his shortcomings and the coke and the craziness and lighting himself on fire and all that [ __ ] me he was the most honest about the end in my opinion the funniest he was just the best pray was this the smoothest I mean he just had he had jokes about him having a [ __ ] heart attack you mean that joke you did where he just jet I'm like eating pork you would think about that when you eat in that port I mean he had jokes about everything you have jokes about shooting his wife's car about going to jail for shooting his wife's car I mean here's a black guy in like a racially divided world post 1960s race riots Martin Luther King assassination all that jazz and he's talking about shooting his white wife's car shooting her [ __ ] car pretty sure his white wife yeah and it was her because you only have me watch the documentary that they put out a couple years ago mm-hmm and you were talking about live at the Sunset Strip didn't you like bomb the night before the night before yeah now it's like the most amazing so yeah yeah well what does it call omit the logic omit the logic when he did live at the Sunset Strip the first night it was horrific well he probably was nervous yeah Oh was around and then he went back that next and is [ __ ] natural we saw well I think when you whenever you filming something man yeah yeah experience this recently know when I was filming my special I did two shows the first show was to kind of tense and someone do shake heckled me it was just tense still went well still got a lot of laughs but it wasn't smooth and then the second show was like any old show someone heckled you when they knew they were taping oh this is [ __ ] [ __ ] oh no in the middle of a joke about people getting upset about jokes she yells out prove it like I just put my head down I go are you really hacklin I didn't even like no you can't atrocity to her I had to address it because it was so loud it was so stupid that what I should have done and what I'll do next time I do any other filming I should have gone on stage before the filming before the show even started before Tony Hinchcliffe went on stage and said this is very important to me I just I want this to be as normal a show as possible so I just come out and say hi first just please don't hackle me this is just trick me doing this for Comedy Central so enjoy yourself if you think it's funny please laugh thank you much for coming and that would have been smart instead the director did it and he kind he did a goofy job instead of saying don't talk during the show don't heckle he said try not to interact with Joe too much which was like yeah [ __ ] Lightyear well which might my friend couldn't direct it you know Anthony who does all of them he had to do a UFC he works for the USA when he's directed every one of my specials and he couldn't do it so we had to bring this other guy and it's just he'd he had never done that before we went on state he just didn't have a said the right thing to second show so there was a lot of fuck-ups the audience was too bright we had to figure out to turn the lights down and make it like a regular comedy club but when you're filming something it's real hard to do like to nail it in like ready go like Hicks if you watch Hicks is special from London revelations when he comes out as the Jimi Hendrix music and then fire and he's a very stiff it's very stiff through the whole set and me personally as a fan of his haven't seen him it's one of his more stiff performances and it's because he's got one shot at this for an HBO special one [ __ ] shot and you're in London in this giant 2,000 seat arena and you know it's just it doesn't feel like a guy loose up there I've seen him loose up there it's a different performance and it's the same with I think pretty much anybody who does a show like Katt Williams new show a perfect example his show I saw his HBO show but before his HBO show I saw all that material someone filmed it from the audience and put it on YouTube and it was [ __ ] hilarious it was really funny the HBO special was still funny but it was very stiff especially in the beginning you could see he was aware he's being filmed he didn't he gave a [ __ ] you know in a guy who's act is all about not giving a [ __ ] he gave a [ __ ] because the ready go [ __ ] this is my one shot to do this right it's like that's a lot of weird unusual pressure it's not like a fight or if guys are always used to being under intense pressure now all of a sudden this show as is extra weight to it because it's being filmed and this is gonna be it ready you got one show go you know these 5,000 people do you ain't sound five thousand people twice so if you want to do it big you got one [ __ ] show yeah you want to come out the lion can only do one show they're thought the Lions gonna dance the cage behind you but for one show the second show the line might break the cage you might be [ __ ] mad you might kill everybody that's crowd so we got the lion cat but we got we got one shot at this so let's uh let's keep it together everybody let's huddle well isn't Bill Maher doing a live special yes he's doing a live special right after he does a live tough crowd not tough crowd the [ __ ] is this thing what's his show called real time he was doing real time and then he goes right from real time but it's kinda you know it's kinda doing it as a gimmick but he's so confident though and he does so many live performances on his show and he knows his audience you know I mean like they know who he is and what he does he's very he's very calm he could pull it off yeah he wouldn't know what yeah he wouldn't pull it off I mean wouldn't even temp to pull it off unless he thought he could somebody else has done that too though somebody a live one which brought me to life the first time was something that anytime he did like Oh George Lopez Lopez I'm sorry when he came on ass I sold 18,000 the depression what Mexican could do this sold this [ __ ] out like he was like the first five minutes of his act about selling the the readout like during a down oppression the 15,000 Mexican down economy that was when he was at his PB just for made sure rolling that was it something I said and it was fine because I was at his house where his brother was a junkie that's how I discovered Richard Pryor this kid was not known so and we went up we had the Beatles on the white out whoa he came and goes what the [ __ ] you [ __ ] listening to take that [ __ ] off listen to this we don't were gonna hear rock music and that's his black guy talking I had never experienced that I had seen on TV David Brenner and you know people like that but I hadn't the Riddler the Riddler was a comedian Frank Gorshin Frank gorshins expressionist something in the 60s and 50s or something and you know I've seen those guys but I had never heard those words I never heard somebody say [ __ ] and [ __ ] suck and you know I ain't [ __ ] thank you with the Cape way look when people's winter and that was mind-boggling like that I went home and bought it and I have to put on like Led Zeppelin in those days you have a record player so you could put a record on and then put the records you want it on top of that like a CD what he called him random mm-hmm so you could when that how I'm finished this one were trapped in the neither will don't automatically in your arm and it would start all over again so what you did was you invite your friends over you smoke a little dope in the yard and you put Richard Pryor that's right you loaded yellow there's not half of each other and if your mom came in you had a drop fast you'd have a drop fast because she was gonna hear a [ __ ] he said [ __ ] every two minutes that was gonna be a button that so you had a pull the album in fact Frank Cannella told the story well he called the guy from sci-fi yeah he said lemon my mother was mad at you because she thought we were in the room listening the music you brought the album to my house I think tells the story in the sixth grade I go you guys listening to the Beatles help get that [ __ ] off listening for this and the heads almost exploded and I thought I was always intrigued with it never went to see alive till 1987 so a friend took me and I was like impressed but then I went the second time and the dude had not written the joke in a year same dude from Boston remembers in Steven Wright Steven Wright never wrote a joke in about one year and I remember leaving there I was into drugs comedy was not even on my radar and going you know what [ __ ] that do it in a year he didn't write a joke like I didn't know nothing about comedy not he had a tough act to write to write for so I was pissed and that was always in the back of my mind that's the beginning once you say to yourself I could do that mm you don't same and you give it a try and you either fail and get hooked or you get your [ __ ] lights kicked out or whatever the [ __ ] whatever venture you gonna try you know and I never thought never guys never never never and here's the weird thing if you really think about yeah I got up on stage or I got locked up but right before I got left I left Hollister lincoln-mercury and bold the Hollister Chrysler Plymouth Jeep because their pay plan suddenly took away my demo didn't wanna do demos no more I got in fact listen what this the kid I kidnapped call me time to say hello he left me a message envelop top messages ship the kid I kidnapped I'd say hello see what happens when you apologize but before I kidnapped this dude I went to that Subaru dealership before I kidnapped to do it I went to the Subaru dealership and while I was there you know there was this dude that was a white dude like a western white dude like with cowboy boots on he put a suit on he kind of looked like Charles Bronson didn't say much I think him and I got into a beef one time over a car deal and we got to split it and he was like he said something to me a buck used with that deal and I was like nothing was gonna happen I was and that was it well a week later one day he took me outside a lot and he was like I've been watching you you're wasting your life 16 years because I came back to raise my kids I'm not a [ __ ] car salesman I just needed some [ __ ] something to do with my and he knows I've seen a lot of [ __ ] comedians man you should give it a shot I'm gonna make some calls me to get you on today [ __ ] stage the [ __ ] out of here you stupid [ __ ] idea he was a white guy guys he was a white wine when a cowboy dude and he was lying you're wasting no I have someone color you shall least give it a try I was like okay and then when I got locked up it was just something I was doing without knowing I was doing you know I was doing the Sun without knowing I was doing I would just talk [ __ ] in the kitchen there'd be a black rice cooker I just start going off on like what the [ __ ] you guys doing and then at night I'd get up on stage on movie night and I [ __ ] talk about looking [ __ ] leave his green shirt on what the [ __ ] is your products and I just go around the room and the black guys would go crazy you know and I didn't even know what I was doing there was like my got out of there there was no Def Jam no I didn't think about that [ __ ] I was just having fun and they would always send it back you but when you get out of here you got to do it Dawg you gotta do it and it was like they would like they would say like when Cuba gets out he's gonna be a big-time comic come up because more [ __ ] managers [ __ ] but I I'll be on like 12 years said you got to do it on your own until that I mean there were hilarious but they had my back you know it was like a dream for them so it was uh it's kind of neat when you look you know you walk into a room I walked into the carny store I saw Eddie Griffin walking out it was a tremendous feeling I didn't know who the [ __ ] you are listen let me tell you something guys a real comedian when he's on the hunt you should know where the television even is a real comedian when you weren't born or not I never watched [ __ ] Seinfeld I don't [ __ ] know what [ __ ] there is a place you wanna go I don't I never watch that show never watch yours never watch is not what I don't know nothing TV didn't exist to me I didn't come back into like TV God on my life in 81 and it didn't show back up till 1999 viii and the girl I was dating said he's on Newsradio I thought you were a [ __ ] radio guy I thought news guy like god you're broken here this happened in Baghdad today I didn't [ __ ] know what I didn't if you're a comic and you're on the make you're on the [ __ ] roll like you go out seven nights a week you're at that three-year mark you should know what TV you come to me and said you want Game of Thrones I got look at you wicked I didn't know no TV my first [ __ ] six years in comedy I don't know about TV what [ __ ] TV are you talking about what movies are you thought what I'm making you know I didn't understand that mentality so I never really knew first TV show I watched and I made a comeback the television was NYPD book mmm like Jimmy Smits was dying and that that's all I remember and Seinfeld was done it was like the end the Seinfeld people come up to chew on Seinfeld one of my humble eight o'clock you [ __ ] done so made a clog giggle Indian popcorn yeah I didn't get any TV shows until I was on one never I never once was last year's was the show when we were younger but when I was that you're absolutely right when I was young and I was struggling in New York I would go out every night oh [ __ ] no it's Daniel breather with dvo mendosa movies I knew some movies I knew some like family but I didn't know any [ __ ] TV shows like special they're like dramas or something like that I didn't know any of them didn't know anything I went to maybe two or three movies that was my escape I would go to movies that was always my little haven I'd roll a joint and walk into it my favorite was like there was a double feature on the 7 th Street not the black double feet not the black thing there was a black movie theater when I went to see ramble and all that [ __ ] but down the block was a movie theater they were doing officer and gentleman fifa hearts are the-- for heart Steven Bauer and huh and the dude with the red hair yeah people they would do like the jerk and the man with two brains for 250 and I would go in and sit there and just dream I don't know what I dream about I dream about being was good I don't know I would just go to movies like I would never dream of going to see office in the gentleman but after I saw that [ __ ] the first time I was like god damn Richard Gere ow that was great that's a great first element you know it's it's but I never dreamed these things but walking like I always knew like I knew from like the six months account people would say me there's many sure seeing you like I knew I was economists or kind of like once I walked in and I saw dombarris like I wasn't on a Monday night I came in on a trailer I got into town at 6:00 I went to Acapulco for dinner took a shower and right so Tommy stole my first night I saw wheels Parisi telling lies I saw Eddie Griffin with the black dude from the Shogun of Harlem Tupac what's the time on time on I was there when he was there I was there that day on a Monday night is I had already been there for a few years when you came yeah yeah I've seen one in 98 yeah 1997 March of January of 97 I walk in to explore January 29 1987 she may be a regular February 19 1997 I came out here with Brewer I think it was 93 to film the pilot and then we came out in 94 to shoot the show and that's when I moved here so it was only a couple months later it was like wintertime or close to it you know and I I came to the store immediately so first thing I did it was more important for me to be like being a paid regular like when I became a paid regular because when I first was on television I was a non paid regular so I'd have to I would do a TV show all day and then I'd have to go on at the end of the show I'd have to wait till Carlos Mencia would put stockings over his head he would pull like pantyhose over his face he had this whole bit about robbing people like you put pantyhose over his face and I remember okay he's pulling out the pantyhose like I'm going up soon and I would go up after the show was over after everybody in their mother when did comedy and I'd have to get up and do that but when I became a paid regular when she finally made me a paid regular that was more important to me than anything anything me too TV show wasn't [ __ ] how did you hear about it because now with podcast the stores basically a celebrity it was before the internet how did you hear about it because it was Mecca no is Mecca for Turk comic listening there when you joined you Jitsu in New York uh-huh at a school and [ __ ] Eagle Rock New York you know that your dream is to go to what's-his-name hands Oh Gracie oh my seeing that and that's the mecca HQ you know I gotta make it to HQ you know I'd bump into people on the road they go to me man house HQ you know I could smack their eyes that's their Mecca to a comedian that's your Mecca you hear about the Laugh Factory and you inquire about the improv but the lat you know you know people tell you over the years a man when you get to Vegas make sure Mitchie shorts the store was where everybody came from but for me it was where it the two greats Kennison and Pryor they all ran [ __ ] at the store so when I came to the store like that was hallowed ground like I remember seeing and sitting in that room when they when they open bike is on it's a different show than when the open mics over and then the pros go up so like the show will start at whatever that goes to like whatever I forget what the numbers are in just seven nine or six to eight or whatever the [ __ ] it is but when the real show starts they shut all the lights off and the lights that are in the room that uh they're all like names of the big comics like Sam Kinison had a neon name and my Roseanne bars you know and a couple weird ones like Tamiya was a weird one it didn't make any sense but there was a few but she kind of had a little heat on her way back in the day you know there was there was a few comics that were on that wall and I remember like just being in that room looking up at that wall going hold [ __ ] that's that Sam cast is named this is where he used to go up this was the [ __ ] stage I had seen these videos I had seen like VHS tapes him up on this stage I'm gonna get an off stage on a Saturday night like doing the best I had done in the first three months I was doing Garry Shandling talked to me knowing if he only knew that I robbed that blind kids changed would he [ __ ] still be talking to me do you know I'm saying like yeah what it felt like to me when I'd see these people like this is just it's not a dream come true because it was never a dream this was always so far away for a guy like me I didn't this was all an asset this is all Stanhope talking to me and going you know you got to come down there's none in Seattle that's it you're a fear how long were you up there in Seattle for 18 months did you like living up there did the rain that bum you out you know at the time I was going through hell in Boulder so I was just happy to be out of that mentality that War mentality right and I didn't really pay attention to it till you know and you wake up in Seattle it's the fourth week of rain it does something you know doesn't do much to me I'm not gonna hang myself get a shot you don't feel good there's no Sun you know for me it would didn't work it's one Sun the summers are great you know the waters cold and how Chi and all those beaches you know Bremerton that waters [ __ ] real that's the Pacific [ __ ] that's pinguin Pacific you know that's coming down it's coming down from there and as you come down the coast you'll see the water warms up not by much okay when you're in our kind you go to whatever Oregon you know Santa Monica's [ __ ] Costco Malibu [ __ ] old you know then you go to Myrtle Beach it spits water in April you know seaside is warm is [ __ ] right now it's hotter than [ __ ] right now yeah but uh no I enjoy that I enjoyed the comedy I was so entangled in the comedy that's what the regular person doesn't understand that and they do they do whether you do electrical work or you body build you Jitsu when we first find what somebody yeah you get engulfed in it so this was I went to Seattle when I was doing comedy my fourth year and I was in like for the first - I just had a business card and told people I was a comedian yeah I mean I got onstage once a month I do an open mic but the 94 just hit me like this was it this was all I had left there was nothing else I was 31 I had been in prison there was a couple jobs I could do and this was one of them this fit my lifestyle this I could drink I could snort blow I get my dick sucked I have no commitment to nobody no responsibility you could have a mailbox somewhere you can have a pager number somewhere at that time I just want to be left alone you know I wanted to be Charles Bronson just do call me doing comedy but I did all the triple ones I did those triple runs backwards for over 85 hours a night to feature and gas comes out and you drive eight hours between each gate eight hours sometimes 14 sometimes you got to leave right after the gate just to make Radio the next day because you'd have to do radio at 5:00 for the eight o'clock show you know this is this is combat calmly I never worked at nothing Joe guys I always took did something so I found that there was work involved and that's what a lot of people [ __ ] do when they do become 50 I have a friend that called me two days ago say hello 55 he's still looking for the perfect job he quits a job every two months you know because there's work involved it's just not getting a job now you have to work people think they go to college and they get on they said that's or they whatever you have to [ __ ] work this guy wants no I can't work for 60,000 e I need on than 30 to start that's not happening I'm on my friend so everything else I never worked at everything when I realized after a month or two I would say to myself I'm getting 10 bucks an hour that's 400 a week I saw an Eightball I can make 400 a day meanwhile I'm doing what I'm making cement and putting it on people's trays and getting abused by the Masons the [ __ ] my 10 bucks an hour and they're not teaching me nothing they're not teaching is [ __ ] you know I'm saying so Tommy won't like the second year economy I asked questions and I put it together in my head what needed to be done I knew there was a Chihuahua driving and viola reefa lot of there was knocking I slept in my car the first [ __ ] two or three years a commie on the road is it also that you see other people doing it and you realize you can do it like that was yeah when everything open Mike errs and I saw like people that were just chipping away at being a pro I don't like this guy's there's nothing unique about him he's just another guy like he's not like some incredibly talented guy that I couldn't imagine ever being like I think I could be like that guy it was like it was it was attainable enough you know Richard Jeni always said that he said really Matt bad comedians are good because they inspire people to try it cuz they go the worst I could do is be better than that guy no you know a good point yeah you just keep and it takes years it takes he is to get your voice then you get your timing and then you get into a place like the store you start all over again yeah you get to the store you start all over again so where the market you came you were a hot dog and that's what people can't handle yeah that's what goes well they come and they've been [ __ ] killing in Iowa whoever the [ __ ] they're from and they're going to comment on their sandwiched in between Rogan and Nick DiPaolo and that's post time [ __ ] it's Wednesday at 10:45 and you got the 11 o'clock spot and your sandwich and you you know you know it's it's a [ __ ] nightmare and it's your skin and it's your your pride if you hang out or whatever for a guy like me didn't give a [ __ ] I knew it was about percentages and I knew that the more you got up there and you worked a little bit out if the better you get did you did you ever do stand-up in New York did you ever learn no no you do in New York this weekend just we're doing Gotham that's a great Club great Club in New York I did New York in 94 what I did was I got a New York Comedy Club I go to stand-up New York the dude that was sick didn't like me at comedy whatever the aleutian didn't like in between driving limos I would stop and get on stage and I was terrible and I knew I was terrible but my options where I would go back and do coke and cry and look at stand-up comedy by Judy Carter I look at the comedy newspaper you know that you should be good just for last and came out of San Francisco and I would read the articles like I still know the best articles I read there were about Hicks and you know that different comedy scenes all over the country is very interesting to read and at the end they had all the active comedy clubs and it was pages you know Arizona Arkansas you know whatever what started would be with a camera California you know and you looked a little egg bees and all these clubs and you had this dream that someday I might get good enough and I might be able to play at a piece you know and then what's her name to the contest that the county works and Wendy when did the contest and the winner got 500 bucks and a ticket to Los Angeles to perform him for Mitzi shore at the world-famous Comedy Store and there was his dude Matt woods Matt woods Matt berry Matt berry so chose Matt woods was his buddy and he would work with comics on Tuesday night take him to his apartment and you wrote and then you'd go to the open mike I was always doing the sports benefit I couldn't get to his apartment so he didn't really dig me so then I have the contest that came in second but the first-place guy had rob side though and all these comics said he Rob's I thought so Joey gets the Redeem I got the 500 button it oh so so he stole some Seinfeld's just to win the kind of way they signed read their local scenes it's funny man it's a funny thing it's like it's one of the few performance art forms where you need an audience if you don't have the audience you can't do it like you need an audience to create it like they have to be there otherwise you don't get if you don't get that feedback form it's not like you could bring out a fully developed album like a band could a band could throw together a fully developed album and say this is our first time performing this and then do their pieces but you you need that audience and you also need competition as other comics and that's what some places just don't have and that that feeling like when a guy like Lucien would tell you you suck like look you really need to work in your act that's so good it's so important like I hated hearing it back then like I forget like he didn't pass me the first time I performed for him whatever ear was played in 1990 he just didn't not pass him he came over to me and said you're terrible he just did not pass me like and I thought about it and I go yeah I know this but I'll be back [ __ ] like that was I had a li but he had a really yeah yeah a high-standard guys I wasn't even in the realm of know of course the realm of what those guys are important I was going no no points you to a higher stage yeah no no it's listen I loved it I loved it pushes you harder what about Lewis at catch a rising star juror performed for him Louis Miranda no no he had the same thing going on man yeah Mondays you had to get a coin yeah and you had to stand on line no I never went up there never didn't none of that [ __ ] who I was gonna get abused at the time to stand up the one guy who liked me was the one comedy club and he put me out cuz I brought my friends and they'd spent money stand up in New York give me spots because my friends would stand money they'd spend you know he'd get drinks and I get seven minutes here 10 minutes here you know and then I go to yay old triple win which is more my style was just a dump and I would go there the open mic started at 2 while him one night I went and John Leguizamo was on stage working his one-man show and I knew I was on this when he would do his one-man show would he do like the whole thing like an hour like you know I don't I don't really know one but I walked in and saw him do 20 minutes and I said he'll be doing here for a while I had to pick somebody up in County Airport huh but that let me know that that was the system that when you were working on stuff you went to off-off-broadway you know saying dad taught me right there so now I was getting bits and pieces then I went to Colorado when I went to Colorado the state said there was little right now today you come to me and say I'm a stand-up comic but there's no place for me to perform I'll spit in your face you have to you have to make your own stuff and knowing what I know now takes you two minutes to go around I did the comedy head up when I was in love with Tommy but I couldn't [ __ ] wait to get onstage and tell another bad joke you know when you just can't wait to get on stage I'd have to go to a poetry reading you know [ __ ] could tell me my business pitch nobody that's why I get busines built I won't stand up listen you know what go [ __ ] yourself okay because you're talking to a guy that went from zero to sixty with it like I had to learn along the way nobody guided me like a whole other stand-up this is what you're doing you have to make your own it's all getting you think you're making progress and some of these steps on your parade then you go back to the drawing board but every time you go back to the drawing board you get three percent better you know when you get a little bit percent bad and he breaks you down and hey where'd you get that joke from be terrible or you know this guy had called you or you're talking you know when like when I was doing comedy in New York I picked up a [ __ ] horrible habit and once you pick up a bad habit and stand up it's like when I was a kid my dad I'd rebound that was a great rebounder but I always put the ball on the floor it's a bad habit grab the ball tippy toe and go right back up with it once you grab the ball and bounce it you draw the [ __ ] people to you why are you doing it it was a habit that took me years you know what happened I picked up in New York took me five years to get rid of it talking to the audience that's a big New York were you from what do you do for a living you from Jersey and I got into that habit and that's uh that's a habit to eliminate writing that's what that habit does in New York and lemonade's writing and when you're doing the stand-ups and those rooms during the week there's a people you know so you pick up and that's a habit that one with me all the way to [ __ ] Seattle and down hit that leg it came for the comedy store for a while and I [ __ ] had a beat it out of me you pick up bad habits you know you pick up a word that you won't stop saying something you know and it just really it's been a great for me man it saved my [ __ ] life so some people with DJ saves their life you know like some people get saved by a DJ for me I gotta tell you that the more I got into this the less I got into criminal activities I wish that this would overpower the cocaine early in my career but that monkey was beep Jack was also a more positive thrill you know you needed thrills that's what you need imma throw yeah I'm gonna listen but every comic is you know I'm trying to write this book and I wrote these chapters and I was looking at them and then I go this is [ __ ] this is [ __ ] and five chapters haven't spoken one thing about being a [ __ ] thief let's get this out of the way like I was a [ __ ] thief like a [ __ ] klepto but why'd you have to have in the first five shot is it about your life nothing yeah yeah I was just thinking about how that the play sick of this and how is this it's just weird it was I had a thief problem from a young age like I'm stealing in the first grade I was stealing teachers of dishes and selling them to kids with the answers the books with the answers two mugs a quarter you know stupid [ __ ] kids whatever they want the answers but even as you look at it as that but it a my habit you couldn't I brought people with no I would steal your [ __ ] I would rob ya itches and then once the cocaine came and fueled it once i my my insides broke down and stuff it fueled that habit for a long [ __ ] time so it was in overpowered that like evening that I was going on the road and getting caught shoplifting stealing the tent and I don't one time on the trip will run you don't say even overpowered death I would steal as a form of [ __ ] now like jinxing me like when things are going good I would steal something when the [ __ ] you steal that for so you think you do on purpose you're sabotaging yourself oh yeah towards the end towards the last couple of years of stealing do you think it was just an impulse thing like you you want you got a thrill out of stealing something no just dog listen we were talking the other day do you think I like movies is that what you really think I got auditions to [ __ ] [ __ ] sir what do you mean when I go to an audition is to [ __ ] a [ __ ] up I hate you shoot them yeah like book in the movie I like thrills so you like going and [ __ ] them up I like all these actors out there and they're doing breathing exercises and they're off the side doing all this [ __ ] this fat [ __ ] walks in that's a felon and goes watch this BAM and I'm when I'm walking out I know it I know when the room just goes silent and I walked out I stood doing their breathing exercises and they've trained that the Actors Studio and I come home and I get the call so you like the competition of it all I love all that [ __ ] that [ __ ] when they you know I like you know I'm over in Colorado I'd see these guys at the lifts with [ __ ] the helmet and the thing went to jacket pants and the boots in the $3,000 skis and my brother lost my ex-brother-in-law's those two Gentiles they show up with jeans on a [ __ ] construction shirt and smoke everybody and they go you know I like those guys that then I dress like right there with thee breakfast and the guy came in by himself and riding the bike with the cleats on the helmet while the drunk you win a race let it go already like I never wanted like I don't know it was just I loved auditioning so we're thrilled well this is a weird row for me I love [ __ ] people up but that came from burglarize I loved it when I met a drug dealer and I went to his house and he thought it was cool he'd put a gun and he'd say to me yeah you know this and this I got two kilos in the house and two days later I just wake up in the middle of mango I'm robbing that [ __ ] watching me watch my heat and I let's say it was this off as I plant across the street but for three days I'd figure out how to get in for this [ __ ] office and he had the coke in hand with all his surgery and all his pit bulls and all his toughness I figured out a way how to climb through that [ __ ] window and come in and rob his coke and leave I loved it I loved it and I loved him walking in somebody [ __ ] robbed me and me and my buddies are there sitting there go come on what the [ __ ] happened somebody came in broken to my one which is [ __ ] Howlin inside I loved all that [ __ ] I love my heart beating I loved the dog for so long that I know I couldn't do it I couldn't do it for a lifestyle you can't do it for a [ __ ] lifestyle you know why did you figure that out after you didn't been in jail yeah after you go to jail you talk to all those people you know that the odds are always against you but the problem is when people go to jail and they team up with other people they're like minded they become stronger criminals they learn more things now you tell me how you got caught Lee tells me he got caught and I tell you how you got caught we figured out my god so next time we do traveler's check so you don't you be following me institutional it's an institutionalize so that's it it makes you you become a better [ __ ] criminal and you go in there you know once I got out of there I knew I saw a lot of people that didn't belong there but I knew people in there that should have been shot they shouldn't even warehouse them they should just be shot because they never there's no such thing as rehabilitation these people can't get out to do another [ __ ] crime again but then there's the guy that went to out to a party drank a big I'm a car and killed somebody on a red light you know and he goes to jail for six years from the voluntary manslaughter it was just a [ __ ] bad place at the wrong time do you follow me there's two types of criminals yeah you [ __ ] up right this other guy is a [ __ ] animal you know so it's just but that's it definitely cured me I think the calm me definitely the more I get involved with it and it wasn't even if the success because the first success I ever had in comedy was becoming a regular to commish but you're absolutely right to me that was the end-all be-all that was the [ __ ] Club well you just saw a very impulsive guy in that that impulsiveness a lot of it comes from troubled childhoods comes from an absence of love you know avoid you know what whatever the cause of it is you you were impulsive sort of a troubled guy and so I think that the thrill did you got those wild thrills that you got from stealing or from you know robbing a drug dealer you just figured out a way to replace up and that but the impulsiveness is what leads to all the weird things that you wound up doing the drug thing like all the different things you want to do and where you you sabotage yourself and a lot of it is just this it's the inability to maintain normalcy the inability to stay on a steady path you're always constantly used to things failing on you and so to alleviate the disappointment you'll fail on yourself on myself I would yeah I did that to everybody did everybody does that it's uh it's just something that I I did a little less because of the fighting because of the martial arts background cuz you couldn't do that in fighting the stakes were too high it's too dangerous you need to see too many people get kicked in the head so when you would go in there man you had to go in there that was you had the only way to really compete was you had to figure out how to just let it all go and just turn into like an animal you got to go wild you know you can't have any like once it starts you can't act with fear you have to be completely Zen and you got to be able to get wild and so he couldn't sabotage yourself like you couldn't not Train you couldn't get drunk before you would fight and be hungover when you showed up to weigh in you couldn't do any of those things those were too scary so that saved me in a lot of ways from being the type of impulsiveness that I had that led me be a stand-up comedy a stand-up comedian would have manifested itself in drugs or crime or sometimes it would have definitely would have because I didn't fit in and I'd always felt like a loser so I would have done something disastrous and I ever had any success in anything in life so I always assumed that I was never going to have any success so if I ever started having any success I'd immediately sabotage it immediately I know I would but martial arts I couldn't do that and I also couldn't do it because my instructor because I didn't grow up with my father my instructor took the place of my father as like a high model a high role model of a man you know martial arts champion who was like well respected throughout the country he took the place like this authoritarian place and my life completely changed you know became completely like rigid and disciplined so because of that I like carrying that over allowed me to not sabotage my comedy career too much you know but I everybody does it you know everybody just has moments where just for whatever reason you do the wrong thing or you say the wrong thing I think the wrong thing and a lot of times you don't even realize while you're doing until you get older yeah if you watch old mythologic when they gave him the shot at the Hollywood Bowl for the gay better and he went up there and [ __ ] started going on like where the [ __ ] were you [ __ ] when I needed your mother I had they went to his house the next day said what the [ __ ] happened Richard Oh what the [ __ ] is why were you how can you do that I mean and comics you know our minds work [ __ ] crazy you know our minds it's it's it's just to figure out how to get out of your own way yeah it scares me sometimes if I can scares me man yeah well four huge extra for you extra because for the longest time when I knew you you had the drug problem and that was one of the things that you were very close to my friend Johnny very similar cuz johnny was another guy who was a brilliant guy who was a street guy who was a pool hustler and when I met him he was homeless he was sleeping in pool halls he would go to Chelsea billiards there's a 24-hour pool hall he would sleep under the table I mean a lot of guys did that there's a few guys did that and they would hustle they'd have one guy that got arrested there would run a three-card Monte I mean it was like to have the shell game that they would run I mean everybody's figured out a way to make money other than working a regular job and they were all druggies all of them everyone was a junkie almost everyone the guys who weren't with the guys feel like strict ironically when you hear this story one of the guy who wasn't who was on the straight and narrow I won't say his name out of respect cuz he died recently and he's a pretty famous player he was mr. clean and and he would always looked down upon everybody until he had a back injury and the back injury they put him on those [ __ ] pills and he was gone he started smoking cigarettes he started it started gaining weight he like he became this pill popper and my friend said the last time saw before he died he died young the last time he saw me fell asleep and a [ __ ] plate of food just punk look at a movie plopped his face into mashed potatoes and mashed potatoes are stuck to his eyebrows and his nose he's fell asleep from the heroin from the pills from the oxycottons just plop tubes and this was a guy that when my friend Johnny was a junkie and when all these guys the pool halls were drunk you guy wouldn't even drink he was and he was a pro I mean he was well respected he was in his 20s back then and he was you know top top 15 top 30 in the country he was a high level guy when you get to that level like top 30 pool players in the country on any given night one guy can [ __ ] hit a stride and beat anybody you know and he he was a good dude man that was a sad thing to see I've seen a few guys like that that we're on the street now there's nothing wrong with them and then they've gone those goddamn [ __ ] pain pills and for him it was a back thing that's probably related to pool because he didn't exercise didn't lift weights and keep you like the thing about pool is you put a lot of stress on you like your your your head is up and your body's bent and you're playing sometimes for like you know eight [ __ ] nine hours a day it's not uncommon to play every day when you're a high level pool player so your back is going through a lot of stress and pressure and almost none of those guys did yoga almost none of those guys lift weights and some of them would develop back problems this [ __ ] dude got a back problem and then I think he actually even got in a car accident - so we've got more [ __ ] up and they started with the pills it's amazing the mind of the hustler because the other day about two weeks ago you got up early and you no matter what time I get up Diaz is already and that's if you dare rule of that mentality that's the house everything you're hustling with everyday hustle then when I wake up under that table at 6 o'clock and I don't know how I got here you know I was to choose if I wake if I was to wake up on that couch tomorrow at 6 to beat I would know I doubt it I wake up there probably be some powder on the table it'd be a little bit left to be a half a beer and you go to the bathroom and then you come back and you think about what happened last night you look at your phone you go through your pockets and you got three dollars in your [ __ ] starving and that's when the Hustle starts my friend right there though it starts you already got a guy who you go see to give you two eggs and bacon and a [ __ ] piece of toast and put it on a tab till five o'clock so you got till 5:00 make it happen gotta brush your teeth call me ain't gonna pool or whatever [ __ ] miss something there and you never know could be pool could be some guy who robbed a box off UPS and there were wrenches on there and the only go summons it's [ __ ] mind-boggling but tell how mind-boggling it was when I moved to Colorado first left that area in New Jersey in 83 I slept for three weeks straight wasn't the acclamation that was always it was just my mind the stress level went from here to here you know I just [ __ ] fell apart that was it it's a the mind of a hustler is just a it's a lot of grinding [ __ ] yoga okay some guys sittin at 6:00 the morning going you know what I need I need a little downward dog before I take some real a boy this guy who was one of the guys that used to go to the pool hall was just disgusting pervert he was disgusting and he played some pretty decent pool but he was he was what they call scary ass like you wouldn't you would never make a bet unless he was absolutely sure he could win so that everyone was always trying to con everyone else like even the hustlers they would try to hustle each other they talk [ __ ] to each other [ __ ] I'll give you the eight nine and the breakstep the [ __ ] up right now I'll give you two to one on the money they said like they'd make these crazy propositions with each other if they didn't get in the action and this one guy was like the most scary you wouldn't wouldn't play anybody unless he had just everything locked down but he would play like regular people were coming off the street he would try to get like he looked like he's a shape he looked like a degenerate he looked like like he was falling apart but he was a super [ __ ] creepy pervert and he would pay old ladies like old homeless ladies to jerk off in their face he would give them like he would give them like five dollars or ten dollars and you know like the lady he was talking about like she was saying I am a grandmother I can't believe you're doing this he'd go shot calm in her face and she's an old homeless lady oh I go you're jerking off in an old homeless lady's face he's like I'd love it I love it crying plays coming on her face I'm a grandmother I'll cry the bathroom wasn't that [ __ ] goo off their face they all cried like a [ __ ] 65 seven year old lady he's jerking off in her face and she's homeless a 65 year old homeless lady and he's coming in her face for five bucks you think about it when you somebody just comes in your face and you're in the bathroom why's it up what are you thinking about your life he really loves me I mean what the [ __ ] are you thinking well some girls like it yes some girls like it when you come in their face but they're generally young it's fun and it's wild they're not 65 year old homeless grandmas when you're you when you really are getting off I jerked off on some poor starving old lady's face like those are the type of people that you'll find or you used to find in New York they don't have them anymore they don't I think they have a couple 24-hour joints in New York but everything closes now everything has a closing time whether it's 2:00 or 4:00 there was a bunch of pool halls a bunch in Manhattan when I was around it was still nothing compared to the turn of the century at the turn of the century in 1900 there was a thousand pool halls in New York City 1,000 pull holes in New York City that was the the bachelor lifestyle these guys they didn't want to [ __ ] the day this was like during like the area of the depression like the 1920s especially they didn't want to have to take care of a [ __ ] family and a wife it was hard enough just rough scrabble trying to feed yourself like what I want to have a [ __ ] wife and a kid and have to go out there and and figure out a way to feed them and have them [ __ ] starving like I was starving when I was growing up like so many people were starving like that that they were scared and this bachelor lifestyle kind of grew out that also it was fun they were playing cards and shooting craps and getting arrested and pool halls were automatically associated with derelicts and degenerates in fact the game pool is not even called pool it's called pocket billiards pool is a term for throwing all your money in pooling your money for games cuz everybody would gantt whether it would throw in like you very rarely bet your own money like guys would like to go who wants in on this I could beat this [ __ ] let's let's [ __ ] make some money and that's how these guys they were like a lot of it they were feeding off of each other and they would the thousand pool hall so you traveling all over the [ __ ] city and that was the bachelor lifestyle for these guys that pool hall lifestyle that's why I was always associated with the glorious result of a misspent youth like everybody who was a good pool player like to this day that's like that weird it's a weird thing like if a guy's good at badminton guess what nobody gives a [ __ ] you know but if if a chick walks into a pool hall and starts chalking up the queue and says you guys wanna bet some money on this like oh shake and she [ __ ] play pool [ __ ] if this [ __ ] beats me at pool that's like she's stealing your manhood a chick can beat you at miss pac-man and nobody gives a [ __ ] okay but if a chick breaks and runs out on you for a hundred bucks she's like oh my god I just lost it game of pool to a chick because it was a totally male bachelor lifestyle sort of a pastime for like the longest time that's what I loved about it man when I first came to New York and I was applied I started playing in Boston that's when I first started playing but not seriously until I hurt my ACL I tore my ACL on my knee and I didn't have insurance yet so I had to wait a while and faked an injury and then get my insurance and half wait until after set in allegedly this is all fiction so anyway I started playing pool with my friend John and who was a stand-up comic John Tobin he's a radio personality now in New York and we started playing pool at this place call the executive billiards and then I met the owner there and then I was I didn't not play at all I was just learning and then I met Johnny he was trying to hustle me that's how I met him I was like who's this [ __ ] trying to pretend he doesn't know how to play pool like it was where he was we were laughing like while he was trying to talk me into a game you know like I go I'm not good like he goes don't worry about we could figure out a way to make a game like what does that mean make a game what does that mean hey goes we'll figure out a way to make it even I go the Snowy even I go you're good and I'm not good so how's it ever gonna be even he starts laughing and we're laughing but I got to see these guys that were all just hanging out there all the time they would get off work and they would rush over there there was deli Steve they would call him deli Steve because he worked at the deli there was Ray the fireman Ray the fireman he would they would do 24 hour shifts at the fireplace so he would do his 24 hour shifts you cook over there hang out with the guys and then he would come in and when the shifts Rovers coming to the pool hall you no need to hang out you know you could show up but executive buildings and knock on a door at 4 o'clock in the morning and if the lights were on there's guys in the gamblin they just locked the door after closing time we'd stay open till dawn then we go to star diner and have [ __ ] breakfast I mean it was fun it was all fun so what I had this girlfriend I had a serious girlfriend for a while one time she said you know she gave me an ultimatum she's like it's either me or pool I go rack him up so I said I said rack them up I go that place is fun I nobody complains like yeah you're pretty and you're fun to be around you're nice and uh-huh I like having sex with you all those things are true but you're not taking me away from the pool hall the pool hall was fun it was all men like you would go then everyone was laughing the place would be thick with cigarette smoke I didn't give a [ __ ] you'd go in there and everybody would be like you know it was just a bunch of animals they didn't have to show up with a suit and tie on they didn't have to be stuck in a [ __ ] cubicle they didn't have to file the rules the human resource set up for the company they got to be themselves they got to be themselves in a world that doesn't let you be yourself in a world that doesn't let you swear a world that doesn't want you on pills you could buy pills from everybody there was this guy Jeff Jeff I had my knee operated on so they gave me percocets I took one I was like [ __ ] these things they're terrible I sold them the Jeff and Jeff was selling them in the pool you could get anything in that place this is the first time I ever saw a guy do heroin first time ever saw a guy do heroin is this guy used to call him water dog his name was he had a bunch of nicknames water dog buffalo bill had a couple different nicknames I don't even remember his real name but he would go into the bathroom and and shoot up and they would come out and just sit on a stool like this for 30 minutes just sit there like with his mouth open his hands down and then screw his cue together step over the table and couldn't [ __ ] miss there was a trick table they had this table table one and it was what's called double shimmed which means like a regular tables five-inch pockets of gold crowns five inches this table was under four inches it's a tiny little hole and it was a trick table in that like the guy who did the shim job was a shitty [ __ ] table mechanic so if you hit the point at all coming in it would literally bounce the ball out of the hole you hit it perfectly to get it in there and he's firing balls into this table he couldn't miss he couldn't miss the heroin had completely removed his nerves and he would say that he just saw the table different he would just see the table takes you in ambitions like when I said when you get really high in the night before and you go do something takes you in a vision you don't even think about what you think about before and he's playing for big money yeah he was playing for like $10,000 once he was playing this guy and it was huge everybody came from all over the place guys guys drove up from Connecticut to see this match and he was stuck I was so [ __ ] mad because he had went into the bathroom and did his junk and he came back out sat down for 30 minutes and then couldn't miss and couldn't miss just running out on him and then to screaming at each other and the guy the the heroin guy Buffalo Bill the dudes screaming I'm Scott George the Greek screaming at him and he's looking at George like this nothing didn't register didn't register that he was in danger didn't register that he should scream back didn't he's like we plan we're gonna keep playing like he did anything I guess it's over I guess this is over he starts unscrewing it screw a [ __ ] you you [ __ ] got no heart get back on that [ __ ] table and you get back on the table you wouldn't miss again for five hours but I saw like world-class pool from a guy that it just for 30 minutes at day like this it really is [ __ ] nice what the place was glorious man I really need to write a book about the the glory days of executive billions because it's like a disco now they have a Facebook page you go to the Facebook page it's in White Plains New York the Facebook page it's like girls twerking and a music plane and lights are flash and I'm like what is this this was like a great pool hall I still can't get over the balls it would take to go to like a 70 year old grandma who's homeless hey jerk let me come in your face oh he was a dirty person he was oh my god this guy was such a dirtbag he was such a dirtbag and he was essentially homeless too they would either be homeless or they would get these these they would rent beds and these flop houses like they would it was like a place where like you know they have little tiny rooms and they had a bed and you would you know it you'd all share like a group toilet so you wouldn't really be homeless but you might as you just had a place to sleep and then get the [ __ ] out of there's no kitchen is all your money went to pool while most of it was junk you know most of them were junkies there wasn't see their money didn't really go to pool you know like that that wasn't like the if they would play a lot of times like they could get some free table time from some of the rooms if they knew guys you know they could play for the time like for practice and there was like cheap practice time wasn't that expensive to play pool it was the money was all going to drugs that was really weird like the big big of Johnny scored if he scored you would vanish he would vanish you know and sometimes it just sometimes you didn't know if you were gonna see him again because he would go to like this sketchiest parts of Spanish Harlem to score blow or to score he score crack and you know then it towards II Anna became heroine and when it became a heroine that's when he came to visit me once came to visit me once when I was doing news radio it's like one of the last times I got a chance to see him and he was detoxing he came out his idea was he was gonna come out visit me and when he was out he was gonna stay with me for like a week and he would just clean up during that time but he was just every day was like he had the flu just shaking lying in bed and just by the time like six seven days use himself again it was just the saddest [ __ ] thing to say this guy just trying to kick it it was just in his it was in his bloodstream yeah no it said that that in those [ __ ] pills to my friend just detox on pills same thing it's the same exact thing - same exact thing it's the same exact mechanism it's the same exact drug it's an opiate they're the hardest to kick after the surgery I think I took six of those things did you did you worry about taking them no my [ __ ] dollars yeah but did you worry that you would like somehow or another decide that like you would start doing drugs again not just you're in a different place in your life now yeah you know what you've also the thing that I've noticed about you over the last couple of years that's really changed in like the last like three or four years it's really from once you start doing podcasts and people got a chance to see the real you and then once people saw the real you you would go on stage like we started doing shows and you would go on stage and people would go [ __ ] crazy they would start cheering and it was a different thing I was like they knew you now so you could just be yourself and the amount of love that you would get you get so much love everywhere we went I saw it like changing your perceptions of yourself you know I saw it cuz like we would do shows way back in the day where you know they didn't know you were and I you know you would go on stage and those days I didn't even bring you up I didn't like to do the mic on the side like the DJ would do it or whatever yeah yeah you had a fight for your life these [ __ ] people are not there to see you they did see me you got a you got a so and it's just you know it's tricky that's a tricky tricky thing sometimes this podcast has changed me of course the podcast that we do has changed because I gotta live up to what the [ __ ] I'm talking I'm not I can't talk about picking up a piece of paper and I'm not picking up I can't talk about you gotta go outside your comfort zone I joined jujitsu I joined you Jitsu to show people that you could do whatever [ __ ] you want they can't say no to you and I go every day as hard as it isn't people hit me up every day bro thank you for talking me into going now jujitsu you know the drugs that I couldn't even a man I couldn't even yeah cuz you round up you're in a positive place you're on a good path nobody's know anything about me when I say it's over it's over yeah I did that last line of blow that night that was it for me that was it that was it that was a big hurdle every day that I got off it it made me stronger and it made me [ __ ] though I don't want to do that number I didn't want to be there no more if it's a shame it was a big time period of my life you know but now I'm trying to you know redeem it and I'm just trying to you know when I do this podcast whether it's you or Woodley and I talk this [ __ ] I talk I gotta walk it now well I just can't talk [ __ ] no I'm lying now from my words yeah yeah I opened myself up at the same time I'm letting people know you know what I'm an ex-felon I didn't go to [ __ ] I didn't have fancy parents I didn't come out here with a credit card you do what the [ __ ] you want you know you could keep thinking about it what's drop your balls on and go for it that's it you did it we had to do it I had those fun of somebody that said they went back to Connecticut for a week to see their parents their family and they couldn't believe how different they were from that he's only been here for four years you Jessica and he goes I can't believe how different they are I'm I told you every time you go home you go there less and less yeah you go home now yelling I'm gonna Boston but no [ __ ] 10 days I can't go to Jersey field ten days you go less and less because you see more and he was telling me how he can't believe that nobody his family has ever been out of the county never mind the state the [ __ ] County you know they all live they all live six miles from the family when the father they go to the house and they can't talk it's a gif ID they watch sports and nobody talks to themselves they don't talk until the father ask a question then they all answer them then it goes to silence he goes forget the dinner table they don't laugh at the dinner table you don't even know I was braised in that [ __ ] house but you need to step out of things to see him and the more you're out of them you keep seeing I mean seeing very funny last week somebody sent me the Tiago Silva tape you know many nights I walk around cocaine with a gun in my hair we think he's special you think the agile Salvage well he was looking for a guy too and he was over her I was looking for cops and shoes under the bed shoes under picking up things behind the flag you know when I go into a hotel room in the old days first thing I did was shake down the room look at cabinets one before I did the coke in the hotel room at night I would open up the wine cabinets in the soda machine and make sure there's no cameras in the [ __ ] room you know that's your paranoia mind that's the cocaine working so when I saw that [ __ ] tape my stomach went into or not you know many nights I would do a line of coke and walk walk around the room with the [ __ ] razor blade and the mirror right here and the gun the other thing come out I'll [ __ ] shoot you come out you [ __ ] you know how scary that is and people would say what are you doing nothing no you're just looking out of [ __ ] window Joey welcome Shh I thought I saw a fire down the corner and you go back and you do it and you when you walk to the table to do a line you walk backwards so the whole time you got your I think one time I was just doing coke for years and my friends came out to visit me in Boulder Colorado and I was about how is our [ __ ] federal probation they would come to my house and I'll piss me and I wouldn't open the door the one day I didn't open the door I told this [ __ ] I ain't going down you know I didn't tell him that I just heard upstairs he kept saying I know you're in there forget I went to a hotel with these guys and the hotel they start playing cards and all you bring the pipe they ask the other guy on my pipe you guys smoking weed like nah dawg crack I'm like leather sell I never smoked rat I'm like crack crack wait Harlem crack like that like you don't black people jumping up and now yeah that type of cracker I know [ __ ] give me a hit I thought I did a hit and I was in the shower behind the curtain like it was horrible they were laugh when I come out I'm I know there's somebody on top of that roof he's a [ __ ] sniper you know what I saw at the house overcame it disturbed me so much my heart goes out to him I couldn't judge it cuz I've been there what's crazy is he got reinstated in the UFC and they got launched and then they found this tape and you know again they don't give up the [ __ ] ex-wife sent the tape in she's like there's something you might want to think oh yeah yeah you know I mean that this [ __ ] seems like she was a crazy [ __ ] and obviously that's the worst when I'm telling you I know something you're telling me you're crazy I don't say she hopes up a Popovich in [ __ ] Saudi Arabia so did him same dog he wasn't that [ __ ] crazy he was going to her house with a gun because he knew that [ __ ] was a dirty [ __ ] yeah okay that's what he was doing with a [ __ ] gun nobody goes to [ __ ] home to mrs. Rogan with a gun and walked around the house order your girlfriend and walks around the house were you looking I don't know if they were split up I think they might have been already split up when this was going on I think you've just cooked up and being crazy I don't think he was with her oh my god he was like yeah he was Jack did you what happen Evangeline he got suspended for life for life no no he's like barred from fighting for life he's not even allowed in Las Vegas like prohibited prohibited they banned it with all this he lives in LA I don't know what happened that's goofin but gave him a $75,000 fine for running which he went I was gonna pay him unless they put a judge my was it well I think they they owned like a giant chunk I mean that I don't know if he even got his purse well first I mean that's true he didn't even have the phone like he did not but he had a fight scheduled like so he didn't get any of it no no so he wasn't even under contract yet so the the real question is do they have the jurisdiction to actually test him since he wasn't under contract he wasn't licensed so he didn't he hadn't applied for a license yet so although he had for fight with Chael Sonnen they signed like they were they were they were set he hadn't applied for his license yet and until he applies for his license they don't really technically have the jurisdiction to test him because he's not applying for a license you can't just show up in my house and say hey I want to test your pee but I quit I don't even work for UPS yet you know like you can't once he once he signs on and so that's what his attorneys claiming which is very interesting I just think though the penalty is way over the top like it's one thing if you want to tell the guy he's suspended for a year like pretend as if you caught him for steroids you know caught say it like you caught what would you do if you caught him if you if you got caught it was the first time being caught it would be nine months suspension so instead of doing that they decide to prohibit him from fighting for a [ __ ] life a whole life like he can't be 80 and apply for a license from running away from one drug test I think that's ridiculous it was time to send the message the fighters a lot of Fighters yeah but you can't you can't do it like that you're sending a message that you have ultimate power and you're unreasonable that's not reasonable it's one thing if they they said hey we're gonna suspend it for two years like Chael Sonnen he got suspended for two years this last one two years when you're thirty I think jail is 36 37 somewhere around there that's big that's big those are two years when you're at the end of your prime anyway I mean you know even in your in a weight class like a 185 205 pound weight class when you get to be like 35 36 it's pretty much the tail end of your career heavy weights have a little bit longer like they they generally mature later and can compete at a higher level later lighter weight guys like fly weights they they're their careers end even earlier than that 35 is the high end for like a flyweight but to take away a guy's two years is big but to say you can never fight again ever because you ran a test he ran from a test he [ __ ] up he definitely [ __ ] up but but you can't set that's so unprecedented and it's so crazy I coulda mean if they said they would gonna suspend it for two years man that's harsh as [ __ ] but it's been a bad month for sports yeah it has it's been a bad month for sports and you know what yeah but there's a big difference between a guy running from a drug test and a guy beating the [ __ ] out of his kid with a stick or knocking his girlfriend out in an elevator like those are those are different things that's like some evil [ __ ] what a lot is going on and this is what nobody likes to talk about but a lot is going on is that these guys have been juking the system for a long time there's a bunch of them that had been juking the system when it comes to performance-enhancing drugs and jail jail was the tip of the iceberg when he got popped it sent a real message to everybody like they're testing everything now and then a lot of other guys got popped Bogg latina off got popped for EPO a lot of guys are getting popped left and right Kevin Casey King Kevin Casey and he got a pop for steroids after his fight they got rid of him you know there's a lot of guys that are getting popped left and right and what we're finding out is that a lot of these folks would get clean like right before a fight but in between fights if you just catch them just show up at their house go come here man penis cut for him real quick I need some of your blood they're all there's a good percentage of them that are hot can you believe vandala what's his name right now he must be [ __ ] happy as [ __ ] Vitor he's probably taking a plane to China with a mascot shooting [ __ ] you don't give a [ __ ] he's like this the best day of my [ __ ] life I caught a breather well he's that's a terrible situation because it's he's like 36 37 years old and he was on testosterone for the last few years so his natural testosterone is completely dropped down to a very very low level and he's got to figure out how to fire that back up it's actually very good for him that the fight is in February as opposed to closer to the time when they get off the testosterone because it gives his body more time to fire up and if he can go back to Brazil perhaps he can engage certain activities that could perhaps benefit him to re-engage his testosterone system see that's the other thing they don't let these guys take drugs that bodybuilders take when they get off steroids that have been proven to restart your your system okay well I don't even think it would be it's not like a performance-enhancing drug effect it's a normalcy effect there's like stuff called clomid and these things are what they call estrogen suppressors so it's it's it suppresses the level of estrogen you have which raises the level of testosterone apparently in some way I don't understand the mechanism but a lot of bodybuilders when they get off of steroids they will take this stuff and this is one of the things that jail was on like because they made them get off the [ __ ] testosterone the guy was on testosterone for years you make him get off of it and all of a sudden they feel like [ __ ] they're tired they can barely get through a workout they don't have any pep in their step they go no pop it dick doesn't work and the only way to get your system fired back up again is to wait either wait time do a lot of like high intensity exercises to try to kick it back in and for everybody the amount of time it takes to kick it back in is different so for Vitor to get it a few extra months like what is it now we're in September they're doing it in what February so they said it was so think about that he's got October November December January and then in February so he's got another five months that's good for him no but the fight was one next week December yeah so he only got two months yeah yeah you got too much more but he's got five months from now from from now he's got enough time till I give his body like another he's not a [ __ ] plan buddy like this right Robin that [ __ ] juice it's like me would have a ball in my pocket well those stage did want to clean that sport up man they want to clean that sport up and that's the way to do it the way to clean it up is to randomize the drug testing and to do like the most stringent level testing that's imaginable and that's what they're doing right now each test costs $40,000 every time they test these guys across $40,000 it's super expensive and it's coming out of the UFC's pocket and they're doing it because look they can't keep running into these situations where guys get popped hot if these athletic commission tests because it makes the sport look terrible and it devalues the brand if you have a sport and all of your top champions are all on steroids and everybody knows you're on steroids in a lot of people's eyes it devalues the sport and it can it can if guys keep getting caught and they keep testing positive and it just it remains a trend for a long period of time you don't you don't set a new standard and let everybody know like look this is what it is you guys can't be on drugs if you're on drugs they're going to ban you they're gonna kick you off the [ __ ] sport they're gonna make sure that you lose a significant percentage of your purse then they're gonna ban you for a year where you can't make it a living doing doing your sport for like a [ __ ] year so stop it if they didn't do that if guy it becomes a mockery and it becomes a mockery it actually D values the sport in a lot of people's lives and it could be it could be detrimental to the like the bottom line of a business and that's the difference between like guys like Lorenzo Fertitta he runs casinos they know how to make money they know where money is not being made correct and they know what this is oh they like it's like playing a game of poker like you know what your hand is and you know most likely with his hand is you have an idea and you know this is not gonna work out well unless we do something here like I'm gonna fold and then what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna wait until I have a good hand and then I'm a bet like you're playing in advance you're looking at the future and if they're looking at the future they go okay let's look what's going on here these guys keep getting caught and when they get caught a lot of these guys are saying everyone's on it a lot of these guys are saying Vitor said that he's like 90% of these guys used when they're in camp that's what Vitor said he would know better than any of us so a Vitor saying something like that he's not known as a liar he's saying something like that you got to think there might be something to it and if you want to nip that [ __ ] in the bud there's only one [ __ ] way you got to randomly test these dudes you got to show up knock knock I guess we are where the guy wants your blood and we're gonna have a chain of custody of this blood and take it on a [ __ ] plane to Baltimore where there's some super-secret national security agency lab that doesn't [ __ ] anything up and we're gonna test everything that you you have in your blood we're gonna find out if you have artificial testosterone we're gonna find out if you taking human growth hormone if you're on EPO if you're on birth control pills what are the [ __ ] you're on we're gonna find out what you're on we're gonna know exactly what you're all about so that's a giant wake-up call to all these fighters and we might have to reevaluate like what guys are capable of you know it's one of the things that Dolce said I had him on the podcast the other day we were talking about this then I think that we have a elevated expectation of what guys can do and a lot of is based on like the juiced-up days you know like the juiced-up days of pride my favorite juice to the tits like Wanderlei Silva in his prime was you know he was just a muscle a giant veiny muscle of destruction just smashing guy's knees and [ __ ] gags and soccer kicks and stomps he head-butted guy Metzger [ __ ] head-butted him before he knocked him out he hit him with a combination head-butted them and then right handed him and not to know how I mean he had fought knocked at him knocked him out he had fought all these valley to know fights and a lot of those fights Valley tutos anything goes that's what I mean he fought those bare-knuckle fighter brazil war that headbutts were legal so there's many videos of him head-butting guys standing up it's [ __ ] cracking him with head buds so when he fought guy Metzger give a headbutt just came in handy like oh I know how to do this prank crack just crazy fights and who knows what kind of chemicals those gathered wrong I'll get the chemicals Lisa what kind of chemicals genome whatever brownie and gammy Jesus Christ you could barely see look at his eyes this is going deep oh my this is what made Tom Segura take a Boober home this is this game like double what he is uses like a carrot your eyes are your caricature I know you're squeezing them shut this is like you're like you're playing a character this is the the high guy who can't see no those brownies are you ain't [ __ ] around they go yeah I take em I'll live these aren't [ __ ] around either man these P now you know those guys I told the storing you dummy bear guy I connected with these guys because of your podcast uh you know how how that cousin is the story I told the guy that was throwing the bales of coke off the plane so I told the story they came to flappers the fact I'm gonna see I'm gonna see a tweety that's Thursday the guy who threw the bales off the [ __ ] plane the game 50 who is coming up with the [ __ ] contest of flappers did you see this latest contest about doing dead comedians acts on Halloween they do doing a show a special show well they do a tribute where they are different comedians will do dead comedians acts on Halloween leave those [ __ ] Christians all over they're mine they're Christians they're not really pisses me off but in their thieves that's a really pisses they're thieves yeah then will you 50% of the door and then do away tickets about that but for they're probably starving they're probably barely staying open know for years they don't get off times in [ __ ] 20 comedy shows go on a nightmare go look at their web page okay how much they paper in the room though there's getting all the liquor I don't know I don't know what their papers but I know that they doing something right over there cuz they kept open for four [ __ ] years I keep wanting to go there but Bob at the [ __ ] ice house is such a sweetheart yeah love that guy so much there's no reason I just do that show there's not you know I used to go there and do sets and it's this is why I had to go back to the store because it was I could walk on there on the stage like I just read a magazine and talk about it those people were started for Tommy's or somebody had three jokes didn't you like stars yeah you know you gotta be pushed when you do come it's saying you know your training part there's gotta push it you give a [ __ ] [ __ ] about these sponsors here don't forget I'm doing Gotham this weekend sad Friday and Saturday at midnight if you want to win free tickets go to Joey Diaz night nectar honey six calm all right what they tell you to say twelve hundred hits more vapor remember yeah it's very tasty long latter that they have cigars and cigarettes like flavors for the cigarettes different levels of nicotine it's awesome so what's the name of the company in Haiti cigs doctor sit this is a very good omen Radek tremendous this cigar is very good I'm telling you it tastes good it tastes like a real cigar when they mailed me this that I've always used these at the house at night when I drink coffee when I get back and doing comic I like a cigar I just didn't like the drama of going through it so if you don't like the [ __ ] drama going through it either go to hit e-cigs calm and press Joey's church boom and get 20% off your order to deliver [ __ ] anywhere knock yourself out come to the show on Friday or Saturday will be they get without samples shaking hands blowing smoke they're gonna be they're giving out samples yeah me undies calm how long have you had those undies on for [ __ ] three days you nasty [ __ ] most people have their underwear for seven years you filthy [ __ ] Adams isn't that a crazy you probably you probably got a Starbucks with that money and on your head north walking with that horse breath in the morning especially you [ __ ] women you don't your [ __ ] smells like just a mess all night go to me undies calm right now damn [ __ ] around me okay for example I got mine on right now they feel [ __ ] tremendous I mean Joe we're talking about how comfortable they are I they don't let your balls sweat yeah I had them on for 24 hours around the shower I want to take away from my nutsack the next morning there was no perspiration whatever they have in that material takes it out of your [ __ ] nut sack and you [ __ ] you can sling dick in the morning with confidence okay so if you can't sling dick in the morning with confidence what the [ __ ] are you gonna sling dick confidence go to me undies write down you look great tear up the pics and the different styles I got for men and women go to me on these calm right now press water Joey oh [ __ ] and get 20% off and guess what they delivered the United States [ __ ] Canada Mars whatever the [ __ ] you need go to me undies right now but better yet go mention us and get 20% and they get free shipping and US and Canada right new us and they ship their free now whatever the Jew the Jew brains the free let me taste the salt and pepper lima beans from [ __ ] naturebox has anybody had those no I had to cry other crunchy stuff sriracha [ __ ] cashes you have the jalapeno cashews no then-new oh my god good very good delicious don't [ __ ] around a mild jalapeno it's like a taste you get the taste of the jalapeno it's not like stupid spicy where it hurts you to eat them it's good they also sent me the Kung Pao pretzels they sent me the raspberry whatever bars delicious the baby loves them did you get the dark cocoa nom nom oh my god I got City peanut butter Nam loves to I don't the seen another nom noms did you eat those oh yeah done listen I steal this is a professional step the professional [ __ ] stone is telling you these snacks are nutritious delicious you know got assistant a zero trans fat no artificial ingredients and they also have gluten free products go to [ __ ] naturebox calm and when they press the box Joey and you're gonna get a free free free I said it before nothing's free but Jesus but naturebox [ __ ] beat me do it you're gonna get a free box shift the apps so good for you here you go / Joe stay full say strong do what you want to do start snacking smarter go to nature box calm and get your free slam PO box sampler box the [ __ ] peanut butter bags yeah no charge you for shipping guys go to nature box comments lash Joey oh yes last Joey and get your free box sent right to the [ __ ] house don't [ __ ] around and last but not least my people on the.com I'm on that [ __ ] strong bomb right now my knees looking better [Music] yeah I recognize those little scars now they pulled the stitches out or they have stitches that dissolve most of the time they remove the stitches did they remove your stitches yeah days later that's it but they [ __ ] when I get on my hands and knees into a child's pose oh yeah yes it's scar tissue it's actually good to feel that pain okay yeah you have an injury like that you gotta break it down break down that scar tissue so we're not [ __ ] around also it on it they got the new formula for the T plus 36 percent more strength we still got out for brain gives you more focus and more clarity you still got [ __ ] the caveman coffee they don't [ __ ] around they got there they got the new legend about 28 keys right yeah 62 pounds is a werewolf a [ __ ] werewolf that weighs 62 pounds yeah understand me I met a chick that's [ __ ] was a werewolf [ __ ] a lot of hair it breathed hot air on me [ __ ] and last but not least no down a dot-com aggress Church Church see you see Hur th get 10% off your first auto blow so Stan looking on the stay on the program it works like Dollar Shave Club and all the other companies we work with they mail it right the house you have to start every month gonna calm just [ __ ] go to Stan get the 10% off the additional 10% once you mentioned going also there's my brother's Church also to my brothers those goomy's your mama's over at Nelda live.com they're great guys what's the website nailed it live.com nailed it live.com nailed it life.com nailed it life yes night nai led I'm LT life.com okay that easy no drilled it life doc I got the best taking Debs yeah those guys they go deep we were driving from allegedly from Northern California down was a [ __ ] do they break showed on at the house with a briefcase remember the other office he had a sack like Santa Claus and he reaches in and she's handing gummy bears out to the children and all [ __ ] staff at the Comedy Central taping everybody was coming pairs are even worse than the Green Hornet's which are pretty bad of THC for people don't know regular really strongly at 70 really strong really strong like I wouldn't recommend that I would say take a half or even a quarter of a 70 is the most [ __ ] up thing guys we've to achieve the truth yeah we'd all cheaper choose we'd everything what's the cheapest you got in there cheaper true the big ones got 180 little ones got 70 and the gummy the Green Hornet got 70 so think of that I'm with 70s in fact like tic tacs and but you go from that to 240 what is that folks everything oh this isn't this is called a so kind brownie they make cookies and brownies these are three brownies divided by three it's 200 milligrams in the back it's 66 milligrams of THC each one I just gave Lee 50 this is this is the one that kills I mean people's eyes get red they got a pullover this is ha ha ha there ain't nothin I can lie to you here the cheaper shoes are great but they're 180 million I don't know how these people do it I'd like to test this [ __ ] this takes you deep and when he goes home until I was how deep we be when I call you deep this is deep and I ask the people what's going on they say they making with the original butter that they went back to old school nobody's doing something doing the butter I love the 250,000,000 man come it's the little cherry ones I'll [ __ ] gets popped up and put that I tuned that iPod on on the plane and take my little computer out now get [ __ ] wasted wasted on that flight but there's nothing like these little 60 milligrams I don't know why I don't know why I didn't like getting high that one time on the plane to Austin I didn't like it daddy no it was - I don't get really nervous when I'm high but I was paranoid on that flight there's no reason to be sober a flight ever I just waste of a flight unless you ever really hated import book you have to read but we took it before we got on the plane and then there's a bus to the plane so I was flying by are you gonna ask me at that bus to them all right when you go to Utah or [ __ ] Austin you got that [ __ ] bus so once you land cross-country on the [ __ ] plane then they drop you all they jump on a bus and walk back the [ __ ] American airline I tell you what that was a city a city and a club that I was really impressed with was that wise guys in Utah wise guys in Salt Lake City I don't that is they in a great [ __ ] Club and that is a great [ __ ] town those people were cool as [ __ ] and it was you had told me that and a bunch of the guys who told me that but I had my apprehension so I was like come on it's Salt Lake City they're all uptight like that's the Mormon place they are so [ __ ] sick of the Mormon for me it wasn't even about killing you know what it was for me you know when I fell in love with them my people would pull me aside and they go thank you cuz I look at the Malheur for while they just thank you thank you nobody comes here thank you yeah that's it thank you problem looks me in the eye and does that to me that means the world to me like thank you bro thank you for [ __ ] coming here for some people people I want to come here then whatever you know I love if there's a microphone and a [ __ ] brick wall you know Joe Rogan I'm sick and tired of people talking about Tommy clubs like now but our vibe is so beautiful you know what bro I lost that [ __ ] about ten years when I walk into a club they're all of the same and they all sound understand to me and the sound system doesn't impress me and the painting on the mural and the copper Bell nothing impresses me the laughter impresses me and why was the more [ __ ] economy club has now I don't want to go there why these guys is perfect perfect so it's got a little green roof yeah I don't want to see nothin no more stage sponges I don't want to hear about the oh my god well the sound you could listen you don't suck my dick remember that one time we were in Vegas this guy was bombing we're like oh my god it's poor [ __ ] this is terrible and he comes off stage the first thing you're saying it's like they couldn't hear him this is microphone [ __ ] well we were in the back of the room we're like we [ __ ] heard you loud and clear the first thing people say when they bomb is the sounds they was old away with him right and I stopped that [ __ ] about 15 years ago that's when I started growing as a comic listen forget the sound forget the lights you a dick I bet the commie school when I got that it's black and the microphones broken and you're up there yelling from the top of your lungs and that laughing well you hear what happened a Heffron once he was in the middle of show and the [ __ ] power went out and so he lit they had candles all over the tables he knows one of those is an improv you know they do that impressed he took a [ __ ] candle held it up to his face and talked really loud it just kept going just did the [ __ ] show hold it onto a candle yelling really loud like projecting like he's a Shakespearean actor I go how was it goes killed killed killed it's the best feeling in the world your voice is the strongest weapon that you have when you don't know it well it's also the audience gets a chance to see something unique yeah they know that you're forced into this situation and they love to say you adapted I'll find you they love that you adapted they love it where are you going next my brothers this weekend I'm in Toronto I'm going the Sony Centre you fly up Friday and do the shoulder fly to Vegas on set yeah that's Saturday morning I'm commentating on the well I'm on my reconstruction phase now cuz I just fill my special mm-hmm so right now it's all about writing and doing a lot of local spots like tomorrow night I'm doing comedy juice and I'm trying to do I'll try one up doing a ha ha next week maybe I'm doing like those kind of gigs I'm telling along be trippin me on the 800 Wednesday night if I'm home no I'm not home that night that's it that's yeah no I can't do that day that's right I'll do another one yeah I definitely want to do Long Beach November go yeah it's really becoming a fun place for me I wanna do Santa Barbara to Dino there's a little comedy club up in Santa Barbara I did American comedy company down in San Diego I'm having a good time down in January yeah I'm not really good time I'm having a good time doing clubs like I'm doing um this Sony Center is gonna be like 3,200 people it's a big [ __ ] place in Canada it's fun too Canadians are so polite and they're so nice that they even a big place you can get away with it but there's something about those little places man there's something about the Icehouse like 190 when it's stuffed with people there's something about that man that's that's the best shows like wiseguys what is wiseguys like 200 years or something yeah I love those two there was another best man Comedy Works in Denver like 250 these [ __ ] people are opening up these clothes now hundreds seedsman like we know why because they trying to they can move around they they can get the door I mean yeah they can get the bar rather you know they'll give people free tickets tell them you know you have to buy two drinks as long as they can keep having places where comics perform one of the problems with all these big places is they don't do no [ __ ] open mics they got to pack that place to keep it open like it's a big-ass place in order to make some money they have to have a lot of [ __ ] people there and you can't get a lot of [ __ ] people for an open mic night whereas a place like like the Comedy Works wouldn't think about not having an open mic these people don't think about having one and that's it's good for us cuz a guy like you or I could show up in Irvine and do the big club that they have now they have like a 600 seat improv and Irvine or you could go the stand-up live in Phoenix which is like I go to tempies though that's a great class I still look at times small school they offered me stand-up lon fantastic be spent on maternity Guy it's a great part of the town too you know how I am once I have something that fits yeah that copper ballon from that [ __ ] stand-up live yeah I don't want to look at that [ __ ] yeah no I don't want to hear that band sing in the back I don't wanna have somebody singing [ __ ] black dawn by Led Zeppelin don't do that don't do that around yeah that [ __ ] that bar is fun though it's fun no I'm only goofing on it but I just don't it's not for me I don't want that I like comedy when it's dingy yeah like you know in its rawest form you know the other day I came up with that video again I watched it for two minutes the Richard Pryor with the the menu behind them oh that's that catch right actually the old improv yeah one of those was the improv something might have been the improv right because catch didn't have many kind of stage catch had a mirror and we've had rock or a B C on the podcast he said that Richard did not want to shoot that special he was like I'm a bomb I know I'm going down there and they had to do the material on the way down and it turned out to be a pretty good special you know we had Redman in here last week and now we're talking about something that I gotta ask you about it's amazing when you look at the iTunes list now even if you look at [ __ ] health there's a thousand podcast and for you this started for us in a little hotel room when you would sit down after shows and green rooms and take my go what do you [ __ ] guys doing oh we're doing a podcast get the [ __ ] get let's get the [ __ ] let's go eat something I see a pissed and this is where it's all gone can you believe this it didn't hit me it didn't hit me about the Rogan podcast oh we would do Larry's thing last Tuesday I had one inside my soul Ari on stage I go this all goes back this is all centralized back to that that podcast that little you know if you look at episode 8 of the GRE now it's a [ __ ] couch with three people sitting on the [ __ ] couch Eddie Bravo me you know and look what it's become we're here we got Charles Bronson on the wall you know what the [ __ ] how did this happen well we figured out a way to do our own show you know I mean we were trying to do it before my show still trying to get me to do it well last time we spoke they would have 14 episodes in three days joke or music what do you think Tom will do 14 episodes in three days shoot them all at the same house it's a different idea right the way they want to do it now it's gonna be podcast style right well it's gonna be like a subject like whatever the subject is where it's ghosts or whatever talk to an expert have a man have chosen videos placing videos pause the videos goof on it well I don't know if wound up doing it it's part of me doesn't want to do it I I really enjoy just doing things to the Internet I really enjoy working for the UFC and I really enjoy doing stand-up I don't want to do anything that I don't really enjoy and throw it in there just because we'll see like this pattern of most amazing when people call me for a and still sometimes yeah you don't have to I'm not going down there I'm not doing I know what I already see the deal I already see the whole deal I got to do this and I'm meant to do this and this mission is to accomplish this goal you know what for what to put up with this to put up with I don't even like that yeah I mean it's also we've already made so much progress you know doing it your way like you figured out a way we all did through doing these things in the internet you figured out a way to be yourself you know I figured out a way to to just tap in to whatever the [ __ ] you are and then also examine the way other people react to you and it sort of makes you pump up your own game like it makes you makes you better at podcasting like the criticisms that you get or the suggestions that you get or the guest suggestions like it's an interactive sort of relationship that you have with the people that like the show sometimes good and sometimes bad I mean you're gonna run into people that are just super negative you're definitely gonna run into people that are just mean and [ __ ] and complaining about everything you're also gonna run into people that some good pieces of advice some people that goof on you because you say [ __ ] over and over again you might not even realize you use a certain word over and over again and they say clown you want it and now you have to think about it but that's good that's good that's a this has made me better all cuz now I'm liable when you go to Weight Watchers what they teach me is you gotta write everything down yeah if I had an apple this podcast makes me responsible for my words now not when I yell this obscenities racist comments [ __ ] national it makes you a better comment but it's made me a better comic but it's also made me a better person because I'm said like I walk the walk mm-hmm I can't come up and say why don't do this now I gotta walk the walk now right I can't just go on a coke binge and not come in here and record the podcast ya know I couldn't do any I couldn't do anything you know that's completely contrary to a lot of people's ideas about what a person who's clean can and can't do so like you takin those pills when you had your knee operation and not worrying about it at all that's like completely outside the realm of like any of those 12-step programs they would say don't ever [ __ ] do you know you don't have responsibility I mean you don't have the the the ability to to say no to that stuff that stuff is more powerful than you don't bring it into your life and you're like I figured something out there's a commercial now for a rehab that says if you are and their truck you know 80% of people relapse and they said if you relapse they'll take you back and do it for free you know that's nice all that [ __ ] is [ __ ] all that [ __ ] is [ __ ] and for me the beating all that [ __ ] never wanted to go back it's just becoming a man your manhood should overcome that and that's you know that's how I was raised your manhood overcomes all that [ __ ] just deciding not to be a little kid anymore no I thought to be a saboteur and I saw my stepdad was and he was a killer he killed people he shot people he did things but he had this thing that he would talk to him though you never doing that ever again because that's how I work my sister I'm saying like he was just very and I got it I got out of a young age I don't eat this no no I just don't eat it that's it it's done like that was it right and everything I don't want to ever shoot a joy karate video they were fun to do but I did what I did now I moved on I did cocaine it was fun while I did it but not one day I made a decision people don't want to make a decision people don't want a while I'm with you on everything with Joe Girardi you know what I'm saying it would look weird if I still for the Gion you should you Joey jiu-jitsu and I thought about I thought about George it's a good idea to so bad it doesn't matter join karate at least I had a sidekick no I'm saying I lose that a sidekick love with George it's a drama beer no no you you [ __ ] grab a guy and you pull them into your guard you start working a clock choke but you lose it the guy gets the top you [ __ ] can't breathe and tap out listen do what I say not what I do trust me [ __ ] I'm trying to give you a good technique over here my grip is bad I put jacket off my right hand I'm out of sorts you can come up with a bunch of ways to make jujitsu hilarious I love it and it's funny cuz I get going and I'm grabbing pants now I'm passion and all I have is a tackle pass that's all I got thank God for Dave cavalry oh he's like what I love you're a great guy don't curse in my gym don't say [ __ ] there's a family invite but do me a favor let's work on this tackle bass you don't love this pull put your shoulder on there Godzilla can't get you off it's a good pass it's a great bet you should get a pass those legs and then the guy from John Jacques to have a chubby guy a black bow he came to vMac on a Sunday for the open man he pulled me aside to me let me teach us this isn't nobody's gonna give you this all right just do this lace panting you got the guy then I gotta get up once you're on top but you gotta lose weight John Jacques will tell you you're breathing your diaphragm jiu-jitsu everybody's looking to help you yeah you know and that's why I told John Evans here Sunday you know I read web page go for jiu-jitsu you don't lose weight you're gonna get self-confidence you're in jail he's gonna be better but nobody says and you know is the family you're looking for nobody says the Camerata me because I did martial arts for 30 years and it's a big difference on a man's what's on you I've never had that I've had me hugging here and I'm sweaty yeah it's very different you go to me Joe
