Dana Carvey | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #417

we got new merch some new colorways uh in the be good to yourself collection we've got hoodies in Plum and Moss we've also got t-shirts in lilac moss and Blue Mist hope you enjoy those those are good colors get that hitter and more at theovinstore.com I'd also like to announce some new tour dates I will be coming with the return of the Rat tour January 26th to Louisville Kentucky January 28th Indianapolis February 2nd Shreveport Louisiana February 4th Baton Rouge March 24 Corpus Christi March 25 Houston Texas April 26th Phoenix down there in the Sun May 13th New York City and June 1st Austin Texas all those uh shows go on sale Wednesday November 16th at 10 A.M local time with the code rat king that's the pre-sale um you can get any ticket through theovan.com t-o-u-r uh just make sure you go through there to get accurately priced seats and uh thank you guys and we love you today's guest um I mean this guy he's got more voices in him than a dang schizophrenic you know he's a real uh you know he just his impersonations and his ability to imagine and create at the same time it's uh it's a remarkable gift to the world and um and we've seen it through uh his work on Saturday Night Live uh his countless films um Wayne's World his new podcast uh fly on the wall with David Spade and his new scripted podcast with Dex Carvey and Julian matulich we're going to learn a little bit about that today I'm grateful to get to spend time with him Mr Dana Carvey [Music] sit and tell you my story [Music] [Applause] well the worst thing you can do is say to yourself I wonder if I'll get an erection yeah the whole idea of sex is not thinking and all you have to do is concentrate on turning yourself on because they asked me that once on a podcast so go how do you turn someone else turn someone on you go turn yourself on damn true focus on that yeah I think I I like yeah I mean I've had probably libido issue since I was probably I would bet eight or nine months old I don't know well but you're okay you don't have a libido until you go through puberty really right okay I mean who has a libido when they're in diapers but you know I don't know I have to look at some pictures and see what you know see what was going on back then but yeah I felt like I don't know when that libido starts cranking up well it's normally I'll just play doctor uh when puberty happens is when libido kicks up I'm gonna say that yeah we had a party in our neighborhood this guy had an Elvis impersonator right and he had a party for his child whenever he went through puberty I remember and we went out well that's kind of like a bar mitzvah kind of right I guess I don't know I'd never had never been anything like that I think it was like some part of I don't know if it was like a church program or whatever but yeah this fella got all pubescent or whatever and so they invited everybody over there for cake or whatever when I turned 13 my dad headbutt me and I saw Stars yeah you think you're a man [Laughter] dude that's the same thing bro I tell everybody Mike Myers always said the one movie movie had was a headbutt and you always come up slow if you know there's gonna be a fight like what's up we gotta have peace boom and you really is efficient didn't have that in Louisiana head butts the sudden friendly one I don't know Jed we should get along we can share the fishing hole boom I just I don't know where you grew up I know it's down in that area of the world yeah I think a good head but what was a good good but oh mace I think was popular by us are you a little warm dinner well no I'm not well this this is for Arctic weather but I just want to keep the blue around me because it's hip yeah it is I'm like in a little cozy yeah I can't believe how good I look today yeah that's amazing yeah isn't it interesting someday you crack up you wake up and you're like okay today's gonna be an okay looking day I know well if I go back I I still think that a man and Lauren Michael said once something about a man in his 40s and a woman in their 20s they're both at the peak of their power so you're just coming into your Peak sex symbol you're successful you're in your 40s now you go start to look at 20 21 22. I'll keep going with 23. 24. but yeah you're in you're in your private I remember someone saying that to me I had this guy my age doing my hair on some kind of movie and he goes and I go I'm 38 you know and he goes oh you're in your Prime ah that [ __ ] was right was he no but I'm in my Prime now yeah yeah the prime I guess I'm Johnny positive the prime has to keep moving huh uh you have to keep the prime moving don't you the yeah if you if you didn't age or get older then we'd be in some kind of hellish environment you think yeah we gotta check out we gotta have an expiration date it makes everything intense what if you lived a million years you just you're just like what would you do it's like I mean you would definitely probably call in you know you'd call you'd show up late to work more I think well you know I've always wanted to play the saxophone because my parents I got picked to play the saxophone in fifth grade but it was seven dollars a month and I kept coming to school it's expensive huh and they said they said where's your saxophone so I go I'll have it tomorrow and at one point I think my mom said you know we can't afford the saxophone so if I lived a million years I would spend at least 10 000 years practicing a saxophone yeah bro you'd be so good then you'd be able to play for the king I don't think I no I don't think that's my skill set but I like to bang on things and strum things did you have a uh instrument as a child was there something you got kind of early that they gave you usually a parent will give a child something give them a horn give them a little uh you know something you see people right give them a Moroccan that came later but first my brother and I saw the Beach Boys we had a band called The Surfers so we had the clothes hamper you know where the crayon we wrote the surface he got a one string guitar he could play Louie Louie for a buck and I would kick the clothes hamper for my kick drum and then I had a Hardy Boys book for my snare and the two drumsticks we stole them from Mickey Hart of the Grateful Dead his store in the 1960s because we were huge juvenile delinquents and then I met him 30 years later and I didn't know if it was true he goes did you own a music store on Laurel Avenue in San Carlos he goes yeah I think I shoplifted there I handed him a 20. but I had that and then I got a big bash snare drum in sixth grade plastic but I had a muscly cousin who came down it just beat killed it in a day and why did he do it he just was angry that you were gonna learn it he was one of those muscly kids he's like a sixth grader Jay winners he just was muscly every you visited him every time he visited me crouched like he was going to wrestle you yeah you know one of those cousins like I don't want to wrestle you dude so he broke the big bash but do you do you remember what what toy blew your mind because I always ask people this I this is what I say the big three from five to twelve all right movie or TV show where you went holy [ __ ] toy you had where you want holy [ __ ] and then a bike where you felt like an adventurer a bike you know yeah I think the bike was uh it had those spoke things those little things those little things whenever the wheel turned like the little thing would slide down a little it had like a little a little you know a thing that they used to count if you can't count real good and you slide it oh okay so they had like a little ticker thing yeah yeah something like a little like these little he pull it up Zach Abacus no can you pull up what I'm talking about just like that this because we would do a clothespin and playing cards to get the motorcycle you did that too right yeah they yeah we got up sold some garbage a little deal but it would take and then this hot girl sometimes would ride on it with me you know or not that hot but like you know she like lived near me which was hot back then you know yeah dude if a girl lived far and if you could throw something and hit a girl damn she was fine when you were growing up I would say in third grade yeah did you ever drop your pencil so you had to pick it up and then you look behind you and the girl you could see the girl's skirt oh drop it so she would get it no drop it so you have an excuse to reach down and look back where the girl you like is sitting yeah dude I was erect from probably wait a minute you had no libido oh I don't know if I did it I might have been all libido but I was a wreck probably uh from me I can't even imagine I think from probably fifth grade to probably 31. would you ever have it like in grade school like okay and you're just full bloom you're just fantasizing you're in a Zone you're not paying attention they go Theo come to the chalkboard come to the chalkboard right now yeah you're like and you had a full erection what did you do about that joust I would joust the other guy passing me in the aisle that's what I would do everybody was in wreck man it was just a whole classroom oh it was a bunch of like those tarpons passing each other in the water and in uh in Middle School in junior high man every like I feel like you just didn't want to get snagged on somebody's freaking pants now when you're walking down the hall I remember sometimes I would have my strap hanging off my back and we had hooked on somebody else's penis I was just you know because in junior high every kid is just so damn erect bro uh it's just like you you know people just they can't handle it you know you get that front Rudder on you and you can't handle it as a child but I remember this hot girl got her toe caught in my bike yeah we had to take her to the like I don't know if it was an emergency room or just just somebody close by that had damn thread on them you know and we took her over there and uh I remember damn thread you mean just cool clothes oh no like just like could knit Knitter oh you know Spruce splicer toe back up oh and so uh I remember she got man she got she got pretty mangled up and but she had a limp after that and I would I'd limp with it because she's always trying to run away from me so after that it was kind of good because it kind of you know gave me a chance so she's out in some open field in Louisiana and she's got this hickety step because of a broken leg and you're kind of chasing her and she's trying to Get Away originally she'd keep away from me but once she got her too she rode on my bike one time she got her toe caught in the spokes and that was enough permanent damage it would cause at least maybe two months of damage wow okay God well my brother lost his front teeth two different ways in fifth grade I think first he did a wheelie on his Stingray front tire went boom chip they got the Caps then he's doing Duncan yo-yos and he's going loop-de-loop bam shipped him again only twice I thought there'd be a third one man it'll happen still Duncan Imperials I went shoplifted six of those at a Woolworths I would go to kids on the street go you want a yo-yo and I go in steal a yo-yo bring it out you want one Duncan Imperial go in take it I was juvenile in fourth grade yeah and what were you think you were acting out about something I'm sitting here with Dana Carvey as well and I'm sorry I didn't even introduce that not at all and what is that is Dana short for something Dana no my name was Brett on the birth certificate my grandmother because I had three older brothers we were all stacked tight five kids in 10 years my mom um and my grandmother said they're gonna call him Brett the brat so I think Dana Andrews was a movie star at the time I think it came from that but it was I got in girls P's PE classes in high school like the thing would come report to the girls physical education class because they couldn't show up yeah Theo is definitely a man's name but Dana's a switch hitter like Chris or Robin yeah Robin was a wild one now Dana but yeah that must have been nice I was thinking yeah could it be short for something maybe maybe bandana I could see uh they call me Dane the brain because my two of my brothers were dyslexic so they got C's if they really tried so I got a few bees and then I was my nickname was day in the brain oh yeah if you were that's kind of funny if you're even smarter than your brother you get classified as the brain even if all y'all are dumb yeah not y'all but I'm just saying no just in any family you know like this is our smart kid you know we get C's well it was it was it was bad for dyslexic kids in those days because they just put you in the the yellow book or the red reading book oh then there was the green pretty smart we got in the blue book we were the rock stars and then they would send us to the speed reading kind of Clockwork Orange van and they would do the words like that we're eating a thousand words a minute so that was you know it was a weird childhood but I my brothers were we're all shoppers shoplifters and smokers we would steal my mom's Kent cigarettes and just whale on those then we would eat ice plants so no one would smell it on our breath and one day we went to the mall and we three of us me and my two older brothers we parked our bikes said [ __ ] someone's gonna steal them we went into a hardware store stole locks locked up our bikes went back in shoplifted came home laid everything out on the table my brother Brad who I based Garth on a science brother he added it all up and he goes That's 14 and about 92 cents of stuff in those days so that so therefore we said 14.92 it's like Columbus so when you were shoplifting with your brother you'd go are you sailing the blue he goes yeah I'm sailing the blue I'm trying to get you know and my brother Brad eventually uh would steal for the sport of it like he'd go and get a whole LP album under his shirt and I go up you see it sail in the blue and he goes check it out I could I could take it if I want I could take it because you talked like that and then he would put it back so he was like a catch and release shoplifter wow you don't see a lot of that no just for sport just for but he was a brilliant kid I mean we would go to Battle Creek Michigan to get something from Kellogg's you know the the cereal so you you'd have to put a quarter in the envelope and he would just he tore a little part in the envelope open to see if they go oh poor kid if someone tore it and he would get the prize or if we wanted to buy candy at the Mercantile when we went to the lake he would have a he would sort of take a piece of metal and make a slug out of it and put a quarter on top so the guy would think it was 50 cents so he was clever kid dang yeah real clever huh it sounds like he's very I have that Ocean's 11 in him you know like he's got that yeah uh and did he end up getting in any any real crime no he just he became he became a brilliant engineer he invented the first sort of sort of uh online or sorry computer video home thing was called The Video Toaster with Tim Jenison in the 90s and he was the kid who um had D cell batteries I found a frog one day and I gave I thought it was dead you know and he kind of hooked it up and it was sort of vibrating because he he had these two details and he sort of wired it up on it and I thought it was kind of I was opening and uh I said Brad the eyes opened it and this is a true story I do it in my ACT but he's like cars he said yeah I brought him back to life he'll never die again that was a but Scott and I so he was the one the bunk bed one and we were because y'all shared y'all at a room with how many bunk beds in it the downstairs brothers that were weird even to this day they had a bunk bed downstairs Two Brothers Two Brothers and me and Scott up there mark and Brad and Mark would wet the bed like anybody's business so my parents got this machine in a catalog so it'd be like this plastic sheet and a little mechanical thing to would wake him up when he'd start to wet the bed yeah so he starts to wet one night but he wet so much he he killed the machine and that would rain down on Brad because he was the lower bump but he was inventing all kinds of stuff but and then Scott and I we were upstairs and uh he would sleep with the covers over but we was a rough and tumble second day baked goods you know you go to the my mom and girls bakery one day old too too expensive two day old they're almost giving it away yeah so we put those in a freezer my dad would buy a side of cheap cheap beef and he would put it in this freezer and then we'd get it and it was almost all Gristle it goes oh Jesus Christ the best parts of gristle and it was just like gnarly steak so I had a blocked artery by the time I was your age yeah yeah 100 blocked man it was really blocked there was so much fight I I think like there was so much more mystery and stuff it seems like when you look at like your childhood right yeah and then you have children now how many children do you have two okay and you have two male children that I know of Sir right and so y'all are male heavy y'all seed line is male heavy yeah basically they're my younger sister my mom had four boys I've had two boys yeah so a lot of you know I think of masculinity begets masculinity no I'm just saying it's almost like a damn gay Nightclub at this point I mean I'm saying there's a lot of men in it that's all I'm saying dude but why is it a cake you're gonna have a lot of men over there you know well you're saying Jeffrey Dahmer would buy all a couple sandwiches well there was a lot of wrestling so my dad first of all he loved to grow a scratchy beard and then you go oh Jesus Christ time for the whiskers and you're like five years old you weigh like 40 pounds ah and he would get on top of you and he go whiskers and he would just rub his face on your face like ah yeah and then he'd have me oh Jesus Christ fight him so I had to fight my brother Scott who seemed like a giant compared to me he was 12 I was 10. and he'd go oh grab his balls he would scream at us your dad oh Jesus Christ grab his balls so that was these are these are the good times Theo oh yeah but I know I I had a Disney face when I was your age so people always used to think what up what a mellow easy happy life you've had but it was it was good that we had each other right and so it sounds like it sounds like y'all were really close huh we are we are still now we survived it it was a fascinating time it was you know but um you look back on your childhood pretty fondly it sounds like you look back on because you have so many like Memories I love I'm like kind of fascinated by Nostalgia and stuff so I think I think about those times a lot you know well I think that those years you can't ever get back and those years are precious the thing that we were able to do is we were so independent there was one landline it was a party line sometimes you pick it up and the neighbors are using it oh sorry yeah so you were just gone a lot and my dad would go to Montana with his friends a lot and so we would be just on our own and just on get on your Schwinn Stingray my brother got the Schwinn monster green my parents ran out of money they got me this Sears offload or whatever it was it was a cheap kickoff for one which I knew it was okay but a step kid or whatever the bike was even called the other Scott was the favorite so we uh we just ride around all day and we just you know I played flag football in fifth grade and it seemed like professional sports yeah I loved it ready break and I was the half back and you know so I agree with you that's why I call them the seminal years I think they're so important to about 12. and that then then life kind of interrupts but before that you're taking in so much information you know what about you yeah we had a decent time seven or eight what's going on in your household are you scared dude I was very scared growing up I think I think I just grew up like real sense like super sensitive real scared uh um what what was it like I think uh yeah it's a lot of time alone a lot of time with strange babysitters you know we had a babysitter that got a roach in her ear one night and she kept like yelling at us that she had a roach in here but she spoke also Spanish or something or I don't know if she spoke Spanish or just something was like wrong with her or something or she didn't maybe she didn't speak real well or something but we thought it was Spanish you know yeah babysitters are memorable we had one when I was five my parents drove to Montana and so lived in Montana growing up no just till age five but we went there every summer I was just there so I'm I'm a Native Son in a sense but that babysitter like I'm five and I gotta she's putting Bactine in a Band-Aid on my knee and I'm five and I'm remembering her years later like she was a fairy princess like gorgeous so I said my brothers at the time Mark was like 12 and he goes oh yes she was just a complete knockout but that's that was a memory when I was five but I wasn't thinking sexually I just thought I just hit my brain you know you know I've lost some of my hair um I wasn't taking care of myself and I got off my medications uh I help you keep your hair and damn a third of it fell out so that's what's happening in the world you know two out of three men will experience some form of hair loss by the time they are 35 more than 50 million men in the U.S suffer from male pattern baldness one thing you can do is what I'm back doing now is using keeps keeps offers a simple affordable and stress-free way to keep your hair I'm not worried anymore I know I'm back on the right path convenient virtual doctor consultations and medications delivered straight to your door every three months you don't have to leave your home if you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss go to k-e-e-p-s.com slash Theo to receive your first month of treatment for free that's k-e-e-p-s.com slash t-h-e-o to get your first month free keeps.com slash Theo this holiday season the best deal in Wireless can only be found at mint mobile right now when you switch to Mint mobile and buy any three month plan you get another three months for free that's right all plans come with unlimited talk and text and high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network switch to Mint mobile and get premium wireless service starting at just 15 bucks a month for a limited time only buy any three month mint Mobile plan and get three more months free by going to mintmobile.com Theo that's mintmobile.com Theo cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com Theo yeah there were babysitters oh babysitters were good but ours was yeah this one lady she was either Spanish or dis I don't know she had like she might have just had like um [ __ ] she could have been named narcoleptic I don't know what she was there was something unique about her to us you know yeah um and she um she got a roach in her ear and she was trying to tell us and we're just kids you know I remember and she's like yelling in Spanish about her having like a uh in um I don't know what they call it she's yelling at the kids Allison we don't know we don't know what's going on we you know we don't know if it's like charades I remember we barely knew her you know and then uh she ended up having to go to the hospital and she did a roach had got into her ear God it's funny because that's such a great word for that accent because I remember Al Pacino doing a Cuban accent is a great word sorry am I canceled can't do that actually good dude so yeah so I just for a second because my father was Nicaraguan also so you're scared to do that here so he had a full accent and everything he had probably I would say 40 accent so you would say you know I don't know the different I just know a general I just know Al Pacino's crazy Cuban XO why are you going to talk it's time for Thanksgiving dinner still is that how he said it no he didn't not that much he's a little lighter you know good deal yeah so what did he think of you you think like my dad had it in for me a little bit he was he jealous of you think yeah he was jealous that you were kind of like PRI like funny and fun he didn't think I was funny I think my brother Brad could fix things like oh you know our tool drawer was really sucked like the hammer always was lost so Brad would take a butter knife and fix the dryer and my dad would stand over him and then try to take credit for it he was just insecure about not being able to do that and then for me it's because my mom called me precious I look kind of androgynous I don't know what he thought I was but yeah I could see it a little and he was well I definitely had a very bunch of baby face and he had it in for him but what did your dad think of you were you the favorite son or you how many brothers I had one brother and two sisters okay and my dad was born in 1910 so he was an old man right so by the time you were like eight or ten he was almost 80 then yeah he was almost 80s when I was 10 he was 80 and so it was interesting I don't think I knew what he thought of you know he would be sleeping a lot like a lot of my memories or my mom waking him up and him being kind of pissed off about stuff or he'd be sitting somewhere and he would just kind of doze off you know he liked to let me sometimes like rub on his shoulders a little bit um sometimes he would smell like beer um he let me like drive his car whenever I could like was tall enough to drive like he kind of like let me just he needed help you know a little bit so it was like kind of like this trade-off a little but what did he think he thought he's got three other kids yeah I mean in in between him and your mom I mean who what was there anyone who was the clear-cut favorite or I was my mom's favorite and Scott was my dad's favorite because all of a sudden you'd come home he has a new guitar like it's not even Christmas or his birthday [ __ ] that's way unfair oh man but I I was not envious of it to be to be Bud's favorite no I didn't I just got didn't you know that was great get away for the monster but I thought he's just getting toys he was called Scotchman or Scott the pot oh he got it did you have a nickname Theo De Leo no I think got his head like Theo uh what is it Teddy maybe sometimes did they so why did they name you Theo it's such a unique name isn't it for that your generation yeah my dad his name was yeah oh so he had this thing you know like some type of uh Spanish Flair or something you know [Laughter] I just think you must have been such a cool kid because you have such a curious brain so I I hope that you're what about your mom didn't think I think they didn't my mom was busy working so we had these strange people that'd be over there you know a lot of these babysitters and we'd make up stories and tell them stuff you know and a lot of them we'd have like it was the first we'd have like this big black lady that would take care of us or a very old woman that would take care of us and just like we had the Spanish lady with the roach and her you know like so there was just like I think we didn't really know who was gonna be there one time we did get the hot chick dude I remember she took me to Summer campers day camp at the YMCA and she drove this orange car I don't remember and she played Bon Jovi and I just remember I don't think I'd ever heard music until there was like a hot woman pregnant oh yeah and suddenly like I could hear music I was cool and I was like Play it Again Play it again and like just like her like interacting with me or engaging with me was like the most magical thing I remember and then um yeah and she was not even cute I don't think but I thought she was like just the hottest thing ever you know they're you know it's like a man actually she was almost like a man she Lo she had like a short haircut and she she kind of thinks she kind of I think a lot of dudes would have been like whoa you know she's not my first choice of a woman you know that crushes I had just mad crushes with absolute shyness uh Linda Benson there was like uh she had some tits huh seventh grade party and you do a makeout session you know in the dark and it was Linda Benson and she knew it who her way around that situation but I went what did they do they put you all in a closet or something this is a dark room and I you know seventh grade and like what and suddenly yeah maybe we went in a closet yeah I don't know but uh and what happened is it like the hardest part ever was I think trying to touch a breast or something at the movies a lot of guys there'd be big guys be like touch it get that titty boy and they threaten you if you didn't do it you know so then you're like working off of a clock kind of as like a shot clock well the thing is is that there were I don't know where you were in junior high there's some women that go right they come back from the summertime and they've been genetically gifted they're suddenly stunning some of the guys we had a guy who's like had a little beard he was all muscle he was in eighth grade and I look like a fetus with shoes I mean I was nothing was happening but I you know I was uh I got a chip on my shoulder and you it I don't know where my drive comes from a little bit but I hate to lose and I hate anyone trying to [ __ ] with me but I mostly want to be nice and friendly and stuff but if someone goes I'm not good with that I I attack pretty hard not physically but I will you know verbally you'll be you'll get that I have to get the upper hand but Spade's got he's got an edge to him too you know what that's like my good buddy Spade yeah we had a nice time we had dinner the other night that was we ended up laughing our ass off about your comedy team Australian uh dancers in Vegas you know your movie idea that they try to go to Vegas and become like Thunder Down Under like oh yeah like models with their shirts off but they call this house on caulk he's bounced together with cocaine bios and then they have a little bit you know it only lasts like one it's only for 30 seconds of the movie but uh that was just funny but yeah space I think we you know it's like he's fun you guys have your podcast right it's called Flying the wall fly on the wall uh it's called fly on the wall uh it's a promotion yeah David known him since before SNL met him when he came in he was always cool you met him before that yeah he was like 21 I was like 30 or something and did you guys seem did he seem similar to you kind of um there was a period of time where yeah he was like definitely from My Tribe you know we have us you know there's there was a time when he opened for me so he's like 28 29 I'm like 38 and we he'd come out and we were playing these sheds in in the round in the Northeast and he'd walk out and they'd go from a lot wide shot at that point they thought it was me you know and so but they're like no no Spade was so hip even then eventually he just had shorts on his skateboard and he would kind of just hang over the stool and he's like what's up everybody you can do it that way I didn't know you could do with that way and he was hysterical because I come out jumping around in that special I was in front of that you know I drenched in sweat in this page it's cool he's got a little Diet Pepsi what's up ladies you know yeah so he's the coolest but really fun to do a podcast with him he can drop a little sketch in five seconds he can go he can take a story of just that the hamburger was overcooked the guy's going I'm like hey buddy could you a little bit on the boat I mean he'll create a complete sketch in five seconds so it's so much fun to watch it's so Lo-Fi he doesn't push it at all and you got to go back and Rewind it almost yeah yeah that's a remarkable way to say him it's like he like just he's not out there barking about his Bears it's just like hey come see what I made he's got this little physical moves that's that represent another person a little effect and really funny word packages hey buddy foreign you know that was I learned that from John the winters you know then the rotary dial went out and I lost my closer oh that's the worst that's the worst one time when time start to change yeah I know isn't it weird about humor do you find this Dana that I like I get scared that I don't know what the next generation of humor is because it's almost impossible to really know it because you have to like live you have to come up in it really yeah I know it's really interesting I mean obviously I don't generally now go east you know I don't do Indian accents or Japanese accents really I can do them you know um and I had a bit about them and I just sort of dropped it I don't know it's there's this sensitivity now but I do agree with Bill Burr he was on our podcast flying the wall and that if the intent is to hurt is different than just an observation yeah you know I just was talking about where maybe the dialect of a Japanese accent came from just did every accent like French is where did that come from you know and where did you know look at that and I figured is because of all the ring of fire all the earthquakes so you're just sitting around you know so that was that so I don't know if you'll have to edit that out but I just thought it's funny I mean so because why do they talk like that they couldn't talk like this yeah everybody could have talked like this all humans all humanoids were just just grunting all over the world pointing and running and then the sounds came up you know and I think the Indian was more copacetic on the trade routes yeah foreign and then we would ask him you know [Music] it's incredible accents it's crazy to think that somebody has a whole different like like Bible of what is sounds and thoughts inside oh I love it and I'm just into rhythms that's all you know they the whole is greater than some of the parts and when I hear I just like it's just poetry to me you know with any accent well it makes me think to what their thoughts and insides are like you know and what some of the mechanics are like inside of it you know that's what I wonder sometimes and where does it come from emotionally uh for the male and the female Dynamic yeah because yeah like just like a lot of asian females are very yeah and the men are kind of alpha male which you can sort of practice probably lowering your voice yeah it's coming from you know like I see it's almost where semen launches from like right there you know a little bit [Music] yeah that could be a guy ordering a Pepsi this is my favorite podcast ever I'm just saying this I think there's this guy ordering Pepsi yeah exactly or a guy having a male orgasm yeah and they don't have a lot of orgasms also in Japan and in uh we're orgasm heavy over here I mean we're skeeting up the landscape you know and then wait a minute we're orgasm heavy we're skeeting up the landscape so in Europe like so we we climax more than Japanese people or Asian people or any other culture by far because we are the world literally yeah we are the world you know we're we're in that video no but I could do I could do a spring scene if you want we are the world I'm Bruce Springsteen I'm five foot seven a good day but with my boots and my cowboy hat it's six feet of Springsteen coming at you sure I could have fixed my under Bible why I'm worth a billion dollars and I love everybody so anyway that's uh what were we saying we uh I just made all the badass people in the world came to America all the aggressive people are that's why right we are so Freedom heavy here if they told the anti-vaxxers we're not going to admonish you we're not going to say you're a piece of [ __ ] and You're a murderer but could you please get a vaccine they would have been unsure man just ask me yeah but if you go you got to get one [ __ ] you man America no one tells me what to do so it's just the wrong strategy yeah you know Arnold did a PSA it should have been instead of you know [ __ ] you Freedom it should have been you know if you could look like they didn't know you could maybe go to the doctor you get the little injection you know when you help out the people and instead of you moved around but we are badasses we're the people you know my ancestors just somebody at some point in Ireland just said I think I'm leaving yeah oh I'm out there where are you going I don't want to stay here in the rain in the potatoes I'm going to America you could get killed I don't give a [ __ ] yeah you know we'll have a better menu so where you have Nicaraguan polish and Nicaraguan yeah so somebody probably [ __ ] on a boat I'm guessing because I don't know how you even get that mix you know but that's a steamroller that went through the Suez Canal and somehow connected your mom and dad I don't know it was a probably a 100 ton Steamroller I don't know but I think look man I got I want to go back to this guy I think we're seeming heavy over here right okay so you mean we have a lot of semen or we climax we climax a lot here I believe in America because we're we're selling it now there's you know there's a lot of and I know there's Japanese porn and stuff but in Japan like even if you go there it's hard to meet women there's not as much I don't think promiscuous sex um from what I've heard anyway well look I don't know like for me as a kid you'd go to the dump or go in a park and jerk off no you'd find a beat up Playboy magazine oh yeah and I don't understand I can't even wrap my mind around a 12 year old online going on porn yeah I don't know what what toxicity or joy that represents but the boys are falling behind the educational system so technology gave Boys video games you know and porn and then said now study your algebra yeah uh I think I got something better to do yeah you know I'm about to find the square of my own route at least he had a smart answer totally dead I'm gonna do it so it's uh the boys are behind now the this is the it's been the year of the woman for the last 30 years which I'm okay with but here we are again in 2023 it is drum roll year of the woman again and so it's a great time to be a woman and I'm all for it it's just the boys have been the porn and the video games are been really beat down yeah did you ever tail end that did you were you in a Nintendo yeah we got Nintendo came out I remember when we get a game on our birthday usually you'd get a game and your friend would come over to see what game it was you had that one gift and you'd open it and and when porn came along man I remember yeah I would bike far for porn if I heard there was porn somewhere you know I was starved I was starved for like a fat from like for motherly affection so I think when porn came around it really started to fulfill some of that space let me let me just unpack that for a minute because I was a therapist for a prepared time we really I'm not no but I I love talking about human age so what do you mean you were starved for affection your mom didn't give you affection yeah I think my mom didn't like look at me much you know she didn't did she she didn't pick me up much no no I had a sister that was real sick that had uh she was born with like a rare liver condition and so she is different than the rest of my siblings because she got actually like physically picked up but my mom didn't she doesn't know that there's like this emotional world at all I think she just probably didn't get it you know I don't know if I got a lot of it either I mean maybe it was the 60s I you know I don't remember you know I love you but she was nice she was sweet but she was the sixth kid she was as terrified of my dad we all were you know but oh your mom was oh wow yeah but she wasn't mean she was sweet but uh she was terrified we were all aware it was just like you know this one time I got up uh these are just fun stories I got up and uh you know I was like four or five and there was no toilet paper I had you know and so I used the towel and I was so young I just put it back on the rack so to wipe my butt and my dad came out with it yeah and then I had to grab my ankles in front of everybody and he had asked my brothers how many oh you had to go get his belt need to snap it you had to go grab it you had to go get it you get the belt and then he would snap it and you'd grab your ankles and then he'd ask your brothers how many all right so then your brothers get the time yeah give him four four and then he would just start screaming yeah so the next day I I had short-term memory issues I wiped my ass again with a towel in his bathroom and I put it back on the rack no I didn't do it a second time I didn't do it but I wanted to tell you about my toys because we didn't have I came up during so-called practical effects like we got Rock'em sock'em robots there was nothing visual on a TV screen rocking talking robots was amazing getaway Chase game and we played a lot of board games yeah it was you know they're kind of cool don't you find the tactile three-dimensional board Stratego or uh risk they're playing risk Candyland we play we played a lot of games Scrabble we played a lot I remember my favorite time actually as a kid was when the power would go out because our family had to all get together you know it was like we had to be kind of stuck in the same room because we needed like right you know Mom had two candles or whatever and so we have to go downstairs and so and you couldn't really fight because if you if you fought and ran off out of the distance of the Candlelight it was real scary so yeah power outages were hip everybody had to like kind of needed each other you know so it was like yeah there was I used to kind of like hope that the power would go out because it would give me a time where I don't know I just really like those moments where um we all it was like the only time I felt like our family there was a semblance of that we needed each other you know yeah it's interesting I I do know that the visceral feeling of like you kind of say you're not feeling well can't go to school and then you had the house to yourself all day because my mom taught preschool and you're watching anybody can teach preschool no offense your mom I'm sure she was awesome no she was yeah my sister became a preschool teacher but being a house by yourself and then looking out the window at like three o'clock and seeing the kids who went to school his little Melancholy I was almost like a panic attack like I should have gone oh yeah and it's it's like when school was canceled you find out that there's no school today because of whatever reason all those feelings same thing with the powers out you know and you know the all these things again they they inform us that's what my five years of therapy was about all those experiences and how they stay with you you know and how it manifests in you now yeah you know it's interesting how it does it was your so did your did you and your dad have a good relationship because it sounds like I think a lot of men from his era probably just had a tougher I think that it was a different thing of being a man back then it was full John Wayne [ __ ] and he was so terrified of his son not being you know and he was an orphan and he went through different you know and then he got in the Navy in 1943 or something or the Army now he's an orphan with a gun now he's while he was a radio operator in India but I'm sure he had a firearm at some point but it was it was a different time and you know sometimes I would pick up the phone at night I'd hear his birth mother saying you forgive me buddy because he was nickname was Bud for giving him up at Birth you know so he had his he was wounded and had that deep-seated insecurity I think he had a little colorblind and a little dyslexic stuff that would have not been diagnosed so he had an inferiority complex but I you know in the end of the day I don't Harbor any I mean I'm kind of like you know just moving on I mean but but there were times there was a few times I felt like he was being intentionally cruel to me and getting off on it you know because when all my brothers left I was the last one to focus on and I'm with my two High School buddies cross country Runners really close friends all we did was run and I was gonna work this weed killer and spray it around the yard so he came in the garage to go um how do I get the top of this off Dad and he goes this is with a quote my friends never forgot it oh Jesus Christ use your penis you [ __ ] zombie bro that use your penis your [ __ ] you know it's like okay it's practical advice I am a [ __ ] I don't know how to do it can I use my penis so I started no but that but then he kind of it was real anger and my friends laugh it it freaked them out and six weeks later I got out of there I thought this is not good use your penis you [ __ ] it's a poetry to it you know we all laughed a lot now I mean we we laughed even then we just have fits of laughter dude laughter was so there used to be a value to the moment you know and I think about this a lot that there used to be like the moment was so valuable because you couldn't there wasn't a lot of recording of it there wasn't nobody had the opportunity to see it again a million times over it was like this is the freaking moment are you gonna be here right now just go and you know what I've observed is like young women are the happiest people on Earth really because I go to Griffith Park and I got my sweatshirt hood on I'm gone I'll see groups of high school or call these girls laughing and chirping and just like and I'm just like you know it's like just giggling just head back laughing but we did so much of that that's what made me a comedian the friends I had there's such they were just really funny I had great sense of humor and we just just started performing just laughing laughing laughing and you know sometimes you lose that but it's so fun to laugh like on this scripted podcast we had a uh we don't have to bring it up but no let's bring it up I want to yes but we had a credit role and Dex my son Dex Carvey and Julia madelage did so many things it was during the pandemic they they wore every hat they're directing producing so the credit roll at the end I read it as a character but they did so many things that it just hit me like a ton of bricks and it wasn't one of the hardest I've laughed in the last five years there's a character like this co-directed by Julian mattelich index coffee written by Dex coffee and Julian matulich edited by dexa and it went on and on but they literally had to wear all those hats in the pandemic we just did it at a table with a laptop but that belly laughing is so valuable and so charming and you're right just just going with it we had a little bit the other night right before that last 10 minutes I was really because it just getting silly you were interested oh I'm cork yeah what was it yeah what was it we were talking about having like an Australian it was like the Thunder from Down yeah Thunder from Down Under your two characters and you're the the Spade would be the guy yeah you're like it's a 2 p.m little review and you'd be in Speedos and so you decided you spell it differently than [ __ ] and balls but basically on [ __ ] ease balls together we're killing bows and then you start dancing yeah just to see Spade do that would be pretty funny and especially if one of them lost his [ __ ] and he is only balls you know and that's why they had to do it wouldn't that be crazy oh I'm I'm not a cop car I'm only bolt he's only [ __ ] together we're only balls and only [ __ ] sign on to www dot only [ __ ] onlybowls.com yeah that's anyway I want to say [ __ ] and balls more on this bucket and there's any other one he's talking on with Bowser but it's just idiots with super cocky that's the funny part yeah we are here we come watch us come see your penises Outside Inside [Laughter] when I was a kid once the guy next door was mowing the lawn and screaming and he cut off some of his toes right but the ambulance got him but the toe was out there later yeah so then my brother Brad came out and put it in formaldehyde my mom saw it and said we got to take it we got to get to the you know take him to the place and they went into like a medical center we just moved to this town and she went into a psychiatrist's office and she goes there's a boy who's missing a toe in my car you know they said it's okay lady just have a seat you know but Brad's kept that big toe and I remember looking at it you know wow yeah this episode is brought to you by betterhelp I want to let you know that um there's nothing wrong with getting help you know I see therapists all the time and and I've had experiences where I just couldn't make it through my day you know I couldn't make it through the damn hour I've had those experiences um and I don't do it alone anymore better 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shipping use promo code Theo today at shipstation.com to sign up for your free 60-day trial that's shipstation.com promo code t-h-e-o yeah I remember we found two fingers in the woods one sound like a peace sign really yeah and we were actually collecting cans and we found two fingers in the wood in the woods what else happened did you grow up in is it suburb or rural it was rural but it wasn't redneck so I never had like any redneck stuff we just had like a lot of poor people like we to watch dogs give birth and people would bet on how many whelping how much dogs how many babies were going to be in it um yeah we grew up like a hamster breeding area we had a dude not far from us I used to breed hamsters you know it was big in our area we had um I used to clean out wishing wells Our Town had like apparently the most wishing wells per capita or something is that because of religiosity or just irishness I guess or I think people just love you know people just love having water hidden under the land I tell you for me personally when I had this uh this bypass at 42 I'm incredible now no but uh you had a crowd droop uh yeah you know a double yeah well the heart's perfect but the artery was blocked damn and I had to do a bob bypass and they did it they didn't do the right artery but they didn't harm me but it was fine but my Indian cardiologist PK Shaw did uh he went to Mother Teresa's gravesite and did a prayer for me and then my Irish super Irish Catholic mother-in-law born and raised in Dublin she did a wishing well in Dublin and then now I'm just perfect wow I don't have true but you know I like I I leave a space in my head for spookiness oh me too I think that's one thing that used to really uh that's one thing used to help my imagination so much when I was young is that anything could be possible you know you heard a lot more lore and stuff back then you know that's one thing I really miss like now it's like everything is um like I asked my little niece I said you should use your imagination and she goes um what is it imagination she thought it was an app on your phone and I'm like oh my God like well not to dovetail again to this goofy uh uh This brilliant scripted podcast but that is bringing that back for mom and dads driving around with their kid they're just gonna hear a story so let's go into the music you guys started it during the pandemic right yeah Dex and Julian came to me with the idea of my son Tom they all grew up with Twilight Zone because I had the mix I had the DVD at my house in the 90s so they're obsessed by it so we want they want to make a show like it and we just came today we needed to have rod and we knew it would be a big budget thing so we decided to do it scripted podcast and based on the Twilight Zone but a comedy version and they went downtown we went crazy so a scripted podcast yeah comedy podcast right so it's basically where you yeah where you it's where like you guys write it out in advance right well we wait here's here's what Adam to do it we wrote it recorded it and it sounded like some people were on a pirate ship we're like wow this is awesome then we play it for people and they're just checking their phone that's pretty good dude whatever we got holy [ __ ] this is not like old time radio you're competing for someone's mind where they got their phone in their hand so then we kept redoing it restacking it record it write it add effects better re-record it more music more effects we had access to all this Lush music in the Warner Brothers library because we did it with Team Coco and they had a deal with Warner Bros big orchestral score so you want to make it filmic and uh ear candy and intensity and then we go but people get lost they're listening to it in traffic someone cuts them off [ __ ] you and then they lose the thread of the story so we go Clarity is king So we had to put more Exposition in a funny way so the narrator Rod so we loaded Clarity we loaded ear candy effects we made it potent potent potent to the point where then we loved it but it took like a year in a room and these guys Dex and Julian just became this two-man band because it's pandemic time so they literally they they looked at it with a thousand songs I don't know we got Dex Dex is here he's sitting in the a thousand songs or how many songs yeah let's ask him and this is your son this is your human son this is my human son yes Dex Carvey and Julian madelage this is the two-man team that went crazy in a good way producing writing and directing it was such a blast it was such a good learning experience because you could uh listen back to something if it didn't work you can just do it uh right over immediately did it feel weird like using like because your father obviously is a talented instrument that a lot of the world has used to have humor and to feel Joy and and to feel different things yes did it ever feel weird as his son like is there like a strangeness there like request you know trying to like does that ever feel uncomfortable I'd never a relationship with my father so I don't you know it's tough for me to gauge any of that but I'm just curious about it oh I do it can be super uncomfortable just because generally shows where it's a famous dad and his kids uh really suck it generally sucks that's just common knowledge here come the kids right yeah yeah here comes Ronnie Tarantino let's see what he's got going maybe you could stand up without him I don't know he's better there you go yeah and if we can't see you too yeah that's Julian widget it's your partner there yeah that childhood friend uh lived right next door he would come over and watch the Twilight Zone Julian and they're the ones who really went downtown on this and went a little crazy we just went crazy with it to be honest you because we could and we just it wasn't like a movie you make it you know it sucks you have to walk away we just kept redoing it and then we learned the space now we think we reinvented it and whoops number four on you know yeah he's doing very well you guys remember four on Apple podcast today anyway for scripted comedy podcast which is a very tough space so we we we're very proud of it and we love it and it deals in Emotion personality too in a subtle way it has story arcs it has a filmic sense to it and mostly the word packages and The rhythms of the characters because that's what I Harbor in those were so much fun to do and Dexter your father play all the characters you play some of the characters did Julian play some of them who played what we got we got a few little ones um my dad did most of the the voices just because again it was like I don't want to have uh you know it's Dana's kid tries voices for the first time yeah it's just like we really like this show so I just wanted to focus on the show and not about the people involved as much but uh did you enjoy so a lot of producing and writing from your side yeah I think all I mean that was cool I mean it was I'm not really that familiar with this project but like it's a sketch we just sat on the mic yeah just stay on the mic you're good just stay on the mic we don't yeah but basically we're riffing and we're we're at a impasse with the story okay okay and Dex or Julian would say something like okay the alien has to stay on Earth what if he gets addicted to Earth food and he gains so much weight he can't get home on a spaceship so I'm like oh [ __ ] that's it that's it so they're writing in that kind of way and then we're all rewriting for clarity and we all learn together I know a lot more about making uh film or telling stories now by doing this but they then they would they would do a rough edit they would add effects they would do music we'd work on it again together and then everyone was wearing every hat because I would look up from the mic after doing a take at Dex and Julian and I would go by them and they might go I think that last take or this take and we're picking takes and uh I just give them a lot of props because that's I I love crazy and I'm crazy I mean I don't I I if I'm working on something like I'll draw a little bit or play a song I'm as excited about that as being on Saturday Night Live it's a weird Discovery it's almost scary that's all I care about so this was all from the heart um and not for money or fame it's just completely a message in a bottle that you hope people can get a little piece in their in their brains for a while and the weird place it's called it's called the weird place anywhere where you can get a podcast yeah we'll put the link below so people can uh get a hold of it and check it out now is each episode different decks or what's that like is it each episode like Anthology yeah so Anthology means what just it's basic three basic stories uh the first one is about a nuclear submarine 1966 that goes through a time portal okay and surfaces in 1738 and sees a pirate ship they don't even know they've gone back in time wow and there's a whole story around that the second one was this alien who has to come to Earth and befriend an Earthling to get get them to help and make bomb making material girls so he tells this sweet old lady that that's what he eats on his Planet ammonium nitrate nitroglycerin could I have some ammonium nitrates out what do y'all want the four to eat to eat because it's food so that one's a little funnier but he's the one who gets so heavy he can't escape the spaceship they become friends and then the final one is about a guy who's gets bullied by these guys and he goes to this this knick-knack store in this strange colorful character gives him a globe and it's a magic globe and if you touch the globe you affect the real world so he touches the alpha Eiffel Tower it touches Paris and one day I will go to Paris and then there's Mayhem in Paris so that one is really very Twilight Zone and really special there's a lot of songs and uh there's a companion piece called talking weird it's sort of an after show that Rod interviews some of the voice actors and there's some singing in that and Rod is your character so people know Rod is we needed a Rod Serling character and so we needed that gravitas and that voice to give us that Vibe and the music's all from the 60s there's no sex or violence no real violence um and there it's it's very 60s it has an earnestness to it you know a sincerity to it it's not cynical it's not dark and Rod Sterling so people know who that is that is a show in the 1960s called The Twilight Zone okay and there's been reboots Black Mirror was sort of a brilliant dark version of it and there was Jordan Peele did did the Twilight Zone and so we just did our own thing and we kept it Earnest and we kept it raw to sized for our purposes so you know we did a lot of characters yeah there he is that's him yeah that's him Justin throw Jr look at him yeah and is he related to the um the Archbishop or whatever the Canadian um you know that's who he looks like Justin Thoreau well that well I just keep thinking Justin Thoreau for Hollywood out there should play Rod Serling in a biopic yeah because I think he does look kind of like him if he could throw up Justin throw if you want but yeah let's get a quick picture of Justin Thoreau real quick and then I got just one more question for Dex too um and he loves older women I think he's into well I was with Jennifer Aniston for a while right oh no I'm thinking of the Prime Minister of uh Canada yeah right Justin Trudeau Trudeau yeah yeah so you thought he looks like Rod Sterling yeah oh okay that's funny they maybe they both do oh that's funny there you go okay yeah you could carry it off but you could see that uh Justin Thoreau who's a brilliant Justin tried her yeah and Justin Trudeau is the prime minister of Canada he looks like he's still like he eats adult applesauce he does he looks like an applesauce face yeah if his face was a fruit product it wouldn't just be an apple it'd be applesauce it'd be very the runny kind not the good kind that's bad the shitty kind like Hi-C you have to look at him you got have to get Kool-Aid when you can't afford high C oh there he is Jesus God Christ thanks got his hands around the bun there all right that's a good look for the leader of a large Nation I can't do the double knuckle grip on some chick's ass that's what we need in our Prime Ministers okay I can really my IQ goes up when I become Dennis yeah you know I just know though he won't ever say anything directly as his own poetry I can't see them on there rocking the mullet that's a good look Circa 20 20. yeah spent some money on the studio here what is this six by eight looks like a prison cell or something okay dressing up with the Psychedelic picture good you put down the Hash Pipe on okay do a podcast so you know it's just he's uh just a brilliant kind of awesome I went on his show one time did you yeah he's an amazing improviser yeah yeah was it fun um all right one more question for Dex let me get it so I don't forget um yeah is this is this something that you guys think you would do more of or what did did this feel like too kind of harrowing um I would love to do it again it was pretty intense just because it was just three of us and we also really it took like half the time just to figure it out we just didn't really know how to yeah it's a lot I'm sure it sounds like a lot I think we and Julian can talk for a sec too I I think that we did figure it out we have a work process now it might be a little bit like first time you do a podcast and now you kind of know you know I've been learning with Spade still but we we could go faster we would need a little more help you know maybe a secondary mixer we hired one yeah we had Michael Gordon uh from Conan um great writer we had he's doing some assisting for us but we were basically a three-man band but we could move faster it's like this is proof of concept right and we may release uh an episode soon we had an episode that we held that Tom thought of it was about uh uh valdemar Putin goes through a wormhole and ends up in a guy's uh bedroom in in rural Mississippi oh yeah yeah Mississippi Joe yeah excuse me who are you sir who am I sir what do you you must be KGB agent well KGB agent I surely don't know what you're talking about sir I would you know so that's that's maybe a bonus episode coming out based on popular man demand okay yep that's cool man yeah I think I would love to see Russia versus Mississippi so I would love to watch that I'd watch that on pay-per-view even damn it yeah well I'll tell you you know the the idea not the romance or maybe the romance not the reality but the idea when I gone to Mississippi and the South with a gentleman a friend of mine and uh there is a charm factor a politeness a way of speaking that to us Northerners is just very very Charming you know and uh people say doll and people will damn I mean they'll breastfeed a damn adult if they need it you know it's just that kind of place you know it's not you darling you know y'all you all need some breast milk I know you're 47. come on over here here's my titty now put your mouth around I'll squeeze real hard there you go there's your breast milk I just want to make you feel better I know I've just committed three felonies but that breast milk's coming nice and clean you too I'll give you the other side yeah it's a very polite Roadhouse and it's always at a restaurant too you know yeah it's just the idea of the South and the movies and you know in the um what y'all fixing to do or or you know it's like Al Gore people should think I did them gay but I wasn't I was doing a Tennessee gentleman he's just I take umbrage with your attitude kind of Madam and he sort of you know put together as a Tennessee gentleman not a rural rat scat like you from Deep rural Louisiana I'm from Nashville Tennessee and I'll say to you sir that the South will rise again I tell you you know so I do love I love Southern Accents I love Bill Clinton I love being this guy that's the most seductive no wonder he got in trouble because this is this hypnotizes women this gets them all bunched up downstairs if you know what I mean when I say baby I said you you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen and they will drop drawers in a second I mean I'll fold my nuts into a dang vagina right now brother I'll meet you halfway but my favorite old-fashioned dick joke is this woman says to me she wants 12 inches I said hey baby I don't fold it in half for anybody I mean that's the best dip joke you've never heard that that's the best dick joke ever who has this guy Larry Reeb has this joke he said huh he goes uh my wife told me never answer the phone during sex I said what if it's you calling it's just an old joke but I love it oh I loved old old-fashioned my favorite joke ever it's like what's the last thing you want to hear when you're getting a [ __ ] when when you're giving a [ __ ] to Willie Nelson I'm not Willie Nelson how do you get a dog to stop pumping your leg pick them up and blow them I love these old jokes what's the worst thing you can hear when you get a prostate exam look ma no hands these are just classics I used to do this whole bit about can you have a prostate exam joke in your act let me think I don't do this one anymore but if you need it you can have it all right I might take it this is like I hate you know you have to bend over and they're gonna probe you and it's like I like to take the power back so they start to do the exam and I always go is that all you come on get in there get in there you do a lot with genitals you know being crooked or only the balls or they're folded or creased it's a funny Rhythm you have I've I'd fold my nuts in half and put them in a that's your [ __ ] first origami dude is your damn nuts you know because they're so malleable and so like it's really such a CR if somebody gave you a pair of nuts it would blow your mind you know like in just loose off of a body um yeah how it's built and everything it's really insane um yeah and there's two nuts in there you know that's the craziest thing about you sometimes I forget that I have two nuts inside of my nuts all the time I just forget about it I mean two testicles inside the Ville scrotum using the test and the penile will enlarge yes do you remember sex ed you were going to sex ed the first oh God how embarrassing you know dude we all War I remember all the guys with like one guy wore like a [ __ ] suit or like a little tux you know like dude what is going this guy is spaced bro people would wear cologne people be [ __ ] drinking cologne guys putting cologne on in their car before like it was the first cologne to go to sex education like they're seducing sex education or was the teacher a hot no it was a man dude but just sex education they wanted to smell good for sex education we just thought it was time for sex so we were just everybody but we would we would we would wear Hooter clamps just to keep our junk in place really Hooter clamps they're just sort of like this thing you wear like a leather diaper that keeps your junk in one place no I made that up but that's a joke we used to have Hooter plants are you wearing a Hooter clamp tonight yeah I got my Hooter clamp on good I mean we left for hours about Hoover clamps it would just keep your kind of wiener down which was an invented idea maybe Brad thought of that I don't know just when that time when you're 20 22 and you just go off on those like we said just just laughing now did you ever feel left out if your brother started to get erections and stuff and you didn't have any of that or anything like that mostly erections were private did you ever do a circle jerk with your brother and sisters I mean no we never did anything like that I never wanted to ask one time we got under this blanket and things were like a little strange but it wasn't anything too crazy and our butt and my buddy was there too it was just almost like a Native American type of deal you know it wasn't Native American like you were under the blankets like a tenth yeah and then things to our attempt started to form in your pants and you didn't know what it meant and you ran away we were all just kind of chatting naked under this blanket and then everybody started getting an erection I think nobody wanted to like admit it you know so everybody was just kind of pretending like they weren't getting in a wreck we were more innocent we would make my sister play waitress like on a rainy day and go she wanted to play with us now you can't you go but you could play waitress okay she'd make us root beer floats and stuff and she'd bring them in like a waitress to go yeah okay clean it up you know next day can we get a cheeseburger with Jesus she became a really good fry cook for a while because she wanted to be our friend so bad we just put her to work I mean this was the this is a rough and tumble carvies it's like the sons of getting older I mean we were we were just badass weirdos building forts tents fighting was it weird so whenever you started to have like a lot of popularity in your life from work and stuff was it oh was that was it tough with your relationship with your brothers like did you ever get scared like oh this is gonna take away because I felt that in my own life and I felt it but I'm just I guess I've worried about it so that's a real thing that's gonna take away or it's gonna make my brother think I don't care about him as much or something I don't know well I just nothing changed on my side but my brother Scott had a sense of humor about it he would introduce himself after I got some amount of famous Dana carvey's brother hi what are you my name is Dana carvey's brother my other name is Scott Curry but my primary name is Dan carvery's brother so we just laughed about it and just kept in touch I would do these things called Lost weekends to stay in touch with my friends my high school friends my brother when I was you know Peak SNL so we'd all go to Vegas everyone gets their own room we go see shows we went out to Lake Mead when it was there ever when we get a wave runner we'd have beer and sandwiches in the front and we'd go out there with crystal clear and we go to islands and dive off rocks and just have a blast so I just went the other way I made a lot of new friends you know from in show business but I have a lot of core core friends and you know Fame is a [ __ ] you know I mean there's no way around it it's just very strange and you're you're still on the upslope so um your brother did you look up to him he was older yeah not as kids I didn't but as adults I really have you know these really really special guy and so yeah I don't worry I just I don't know it was just sometimes I just don't want him to think that I I don't know I think we do a pretty decent job it's it's just weird and then the money comes I remember just I had the thing like I'd go to a mall and I think everywhere I look I could buy it anywhere I look I could buy it you know and I I one time went in and I got like a Mercedes because like an Elvis move at a mall no not at a mall a dealership because I got I got I left the mall and I pointed at this one and it was like a Mercedes Coupe but I realized later on it had a plastic windshield it was like 125 000 it'd be like 250 now so I turned it back in and I got a big giant Mercedes giant SLE 550 huge thing and I was going into 7-Eleven just in the valley and people were looking at me so then I just went to a Honda Pilot ever since then I like to get rid of stuff I don't want I have one car one wife you know you know it's like I don't need a lot of things I like guitars I like things I can interact with you know a woman a guitar a piano a swimming pool you know things that are stuff that works well I can't get that excited about a chair and just look at the chair that's all right my wife does you know it's just an interior designer mine an aesthetic mind I'm more in the internal world but it's not self-congratulatory but going back full circle to your brother yeah it's so it's um you could feel maybe a little guilt about it because you're changing the dynamic of how he's perceived you know which is normal it's not yeah I think it's you I don't want him to ever I don't know I just didn't want my brother to think that he felt that I ever felt like I was more important than him or something like that I don't know and maybe that's all egotistical to even think that way you know it's you're just a passenger in this so you just did this I don't even know what your resume was before you did this and then you got really successful extraordinary successful and that's just the train you're writing you couldn't will it but you were active you did this necessary steps but this Lane that you're in now where it's Theo Von world and you run a you're a CEO of a business and you don't bow down to anyone no one tells you you're fired this is awesome I'm glad I live long enough to see this that's us doing this this scripted podcast with just a laptop in the effects and all the things we could get for ourselves it's such an equal playing field for art and creativity and you're like one of the big you know people out there that have done this you and Tim Dillon and others but it's a magic world and you can't hope that you're successful I'll be therapists for a second yeah that's not nothing you just ride in the train that you know and what happens over time I'll tell you this much everyone's all excited you're famous and then it gets boring yeah it might be 10 more years but some point it's full circle back to Theo just like and you're still going and doing stuff but like been there done that they're used to all the stuff but in early heady days of it you're picking up checks you're renting cars you know and uh it's just a little bit of a whoop-dee-doo I mean I I sort of got famous in a sense at 31 or 32. and um so I had a long Runway before that you know if you make it as a child actor that's that's [ __ ] up you know yeah it's scary man it just killed that one kid you know you saw that Aaron Carter he just yeah you know he drowned out he drowned out I think he they said he was huff and Duster which I've done I'm not gonna lie about that what is that specifically huff and duster yeah asdfl Sim or whatever you know or ever whatever it is oh okay and you hit you know hit the duster but yeah I've hit it before I love it but I think it's sad to see what you know he was a child star and then next you know he's got six or seven service animals I mean he had a damn you know he was in the damn Iditarod it looked like the guy had so many service hands yeah and he was getting tattoos and neck tattoos and just once it creeps up on the face you just feel like it's a cry for help you know it's like what can I put on my face it'll make me okay and the interesting part about therapy is just checking your thoughts and that's a daily thing you know cognitive behavioral therapy because if you get redundantly into those negative thoughts and you water those roots and then they get in your head I'm a loser I'm a loser I'm a loser that's you have to really fight all that stuff you know it's really interesting game inside your head it all happens in here all your joy your sadness your pain just it's all here you know and how you decide it is that's how it is you ever meet a really I have a friend Chuck who's just a really happy person oh yeah these guys talks like this you know he's like the other day you know I was running on my hop off my bike you know and the wind was coming I don't know what the [ __ ] was going on you know he's a mechanic for United he's a really bright guy but he's just got this Dems and does thing of like you know you ever go to New York and these Brooklyn guys I had a friend who passed away he was like you know he's really like you know the guy you know God Rest his soul my mother did this for me and this and that you know you got to take care of your family it's a way of just simplifying this ride this 70 80 90 year ride that we're all taking on just keep it real basic right here I'm with you right now we're bonding over humor and telling stories you know and I think that you know the Theo's you know he's a good guy you know and you had a nice chat he would come to SNL and he was basketball freak he would critique my SNL with basketball stats he'd come up because I do churchly whatever he goes 28 points 12 boards six assists you know his catchphrase was this which is another good one he did with my brother Scott you do what you do I do what I do rub a chicken capisce I don't know why it's rubber chicken but it just works you do what you do I do what I do rub a chicken capiche and then this oh yeah yeah well he made everything simple same with Chuck living the moment and it's a struggle if you're you know a curious active brain but it's uh you know it's fun yeah staying in that yeah I think it's true it's that it does all happen between the walls of your own head you know it's crazy that that's really where you get that's really where you gotta tend the soil a lot and not even over 10 it sometimes you get so stuck on taking care of yourself but then that's all you're doing you know it's like being mentally or physically or all of it mentally all of it but all of it it's like I gotta make sure I'm okay you know something that's a a hamster wheel people can really get on nowadays um yeah I think nothing has to happen is something that's helped me recently you get all pent up nothing has to happen yeah you know this could have got canceled nothing has happened just just everyone calm down we're just here yeah nothing has to happen we're not going to the movie no no not not tonight yeah nothing has to happen it's just the way everybody calm down and just laugh your ass off and make art no nuggets no nuggets no nuggets tonight damn it nothing has to happen dude nothing has to happen um it's okay no one's thinking about me right now if anyone out there is thinking is Theo okay I mean everyone's inside their own kiosk you know yeah I think um it was interesting so you so when you got you had a lot of Fame that happened and then you kind of took a break did you is this okay this is a from this outside of perspective oh no no totally I I had this weird took a break was it to be a dad no it's very much more complicated than that so basically I did all this stuff before SNL because I was insecure but I was in the club starting to kick ass but I did a sitcom with Mickey Rooney Nathan Lane in New York Mickey Rooney Mickey Rooney you read his book no I know Mickey though oh he passed away didn't he he did but he made it to like 95. yeah dude did you hear about the story where something he slept at somebody's house for like a couple weeks right yeah oh no he let somebody stay in his house for a couple weeks he was married to some like bombshell right yeah he he at all six of the hottest stars in the world and I said Mickey how'd you get him he goes money makes you handsomer money makes you handsomer is his own word but go ahead what was his story a guy stated his place for a couple of weeks and he left him a couple paintings as a gift and they were uh and then like a few months later he was getting a divorce or something and so he's a friend help him move and he said oh you can have those somebody left him here and they were Salvador dollies they were two Salvador Dali paintings wow and he talked about struggling with his with money most of his life oh yeah and uh and then here he was giving away a couple dollies like that she's kind of crazy yeah there he is right there there is when I oh there I am it's the tallest I've ever been Mickey's like he called himself I'm a fire plug you know built like a fire and Nathan Lane and that he was my grandfather and I was just cast uh from NBC I got a deal frequently I had a teen idle thing going on and go you're gonna play Mickey Rooney's grandson in New York and then I met Nathan and Mickey thought I was gay the whole time wow he would put his arm around Nathan and look at me and go I'm just glad we like girls and he finally got money because he was broke for 50 years anyway he was Rooney was broke I called up Warner Brothers in 1955. I said this is Mickey Rooney he was always doing this I need a job and he'd stare off and he'd go he hung up on me and then you'd come into the the studio and you'd hear him down the hall how long is Rod from Robert Redford been in the business he's one of those guys who talked until he ran out of air how long has Robert Redford been in the business 10 years I've been in the business 62 years how old are you 62 in two months I mean he's one of those guys as a baby oh yeah he had so many he would said this a thousand times literally literally he would say this every day I was the which he was he was the number star number one star in the world 1937. I was the number one star in the world you hear me bang the world and he did that you hear me bang the world I saw it but he had finally had money he was doing a Broadway show on our show he went to the racetrack all week it was old show business we had a guy who was five feet tall his head was and we would just rehearse with him all week but Mickey would have like five thousand dollars and he'd put it in front of my face and goes think I can afford lunch and he had a 38. he didn't like the script he would bring it out and he throw the script this script is Kaka and he's wavering this 38 around and he puts it back in he goes they're not gonna get me who the hell he was going to kill Juan Corona this serial killer before this I was gonna go to see Juan Corona and I would say you know I am I'm Mickey Rooney I was gonna plug him full of holes he was the craziest greatest he would play a piano because he was a jack of all trades his piano chords he goes this is Stephen sondheim's favorite song but then we bonded he thought I was a hack and an idiot but then I was able to do Jimmy Stewart for him so that's when I when I got him I know how you doing Mick yeah good good to say uh and said he was an impressionist too he's like Sammy Davis Jr just could do anything so we got going toward the end and Nathan and I and you know there's so much more to it but Meg Ryan played my girlfriend set Scatman Crothers first time I really befriended this beautiful older black man from the south I think or whatever but Scatman Carruthers and he was like such a poet my brother came out to visit me and he say see that man over there with the broom he's an artist we're all about us and he played the ukulele and he'd walk around the studio it had an unmarked bottle this big of pills and he just chugged some other vitamins I'm going to 100 I'm doing Mickey now I'm going to a hundred so what happened was he had he he smoked a lot of weed it was always weed everywhere Scatman yeah so during the break I went back to San Francisco there he is he was the nicest guy so Scott and I got like 10 we got like two lids of Colombian pot those days you'd fly with it I guess we put in a suitcase we gave it to Scatman and Rockefeller Center this is 1981 Mickey Rooney's around his cat here you go next day he's in the elevator with me he says because you know he grew up during secrecy with pot he said the music was good uh might I get a pound so it was the best body ever had and he could look at not even look at you and roll a joint and it was closed on both ends oh so then after the show got canceled he was living in Van Nuys and so Scott and I brought a bag of Santa Cruz Colombian we didn't even smoke pot at that point maybe a teeny bit but we brought it to him he played ukulele he goes I got a bad wheel and it was just so such a sweet such a sweet guy that was a cool part of that story of meeting him and hanging out with Scatman oh yeah there's nothing better that feels I feels better than giving like good weed to a black guy I feel like too there's just something as a white guy that about there that feels good you know I guess so I just you know I didn't I grew up you know mostly as a white neighborhood and we had an integrated high school when I was 14 I was standing there Carmon High School 2500 kids and they brought all the kids in from East Palo Alto so these buses showed up and 500 black kids came in to the school and all I was worried about was they'd think I was prejudiced so I'd say something that sounded Prejudice but then you know we all they all ran on the team we all hung out but Scatman was just sort of he's just a poet you know just everything he said was poetry you know some of these people like yeah my dad had this fellow named uh his last name Wilson right and he had a one of his limbs was shortened out right he probably had that you know he had that damn Sand Wedge on him he had that pitching wedge on his left and so they would they would cut a bunch of he had a bunch of pieces of Tire cut and just kind of glue either yeah or nailed onto the bottom of that interesting and he would stand sometimes when he didn't have his uh good shoe or whatever he would stand on a little stoop so he looked even from far off right it was just a big he didn't want to be uneven you know was he a vet or was it just congenital or an accident he just probably I don't know maybe he got raised in an area on an uneven surface I have no idea what happened to him right but they um he used to put uh he would hang out with my father and he would you know go get lunch form and stuff sometime my dad worked in a French Quarter for a little while selling I think some kind of [ __ ] but this guy would help him out and he so he would put cinnamon on his palm of his hand and let us lick it off when we were children you never forget that my grandmother bring date cookies and stuff and that seemed exciting um any old person Subway to treat anything they hook you up let you lick their hand or whatever yeah it just made you feel one thing I appreciate like my mother had a friend that was just from Montana her name was cookie so she's an old person who just giggled all the time when you didn't meet a bitter you just I met a lot of bitter people they didn't like being old and my date you know it's like okay show business especially or life is a bitterness Factory so be one of those cheerful don't be mad at someone for being young because James fiorentino was mad at me for being young when I did Blue Thunder really so I was in this mock helicopter another show that I did he was purely doing massive amounts of coke he had a styrofoam cup this big a straight vodka when we were in the mock helicopter with our helmets on acting and then I got fired from that that's crazy people would do that thing because they don't do that now I know it was so obvious because he got out of the chopper his dealer was over there and then I thought I'll just take a sip of water I was so young and naive he would take he was like Scarface he'd take the script out and he just pounded on the instrument panel and the Frank helicopter we're like 10 feet in the air and they're blowing steam at us you know okay and we're pretending like there we are I love this guy had a great haircut dude you do I could definitely see if a gay dude rolled up bro you are toast oh yeah yeah I was jaffo just another frust look at that I'll throw a punch look like the same guy well that was a while back but yeah no that's me being the macho guy but I just had lines in the back of the chapter he'd say jaffo incoming Jam him and I would say I am jamming I am jamming sir you know I wanted to be I wanted to be Richard Pryor or something or Steve Martin I'm in this one I bet they play that at so many bath houses on Loop dude I am jamming I am jamming I am I bet you were on so many you were not getting paid I'm not jamming but someone else is I think you need to sell us but if you stole tickets in specific areas man you would really really but he would call me at night what are they saying about me well then you're doing drugs and you're out of your mind okay just checking see you later but I got fired they put me in the helicopter with that suit on and then they uh they fired me they said come on down the whole crew was there and I had to come down to ladder wearing that and I didn't think oh you're fired I am now they could have told me before I got in the monkey suit so I gotta do it's like an old show called Brandon I'm walking across everybody you know kind of waving humiliated I go to the Wardrobe guy who I kind of befriended I'm kind of shook up and I go man I'm funny I can do stuff and he put his hand on my shoulder like sure kid it's okay kid you know and then I ran into him after SNL he goes God you just get more right I didn't [ __ ] you know so I got revenge but that was another crazy I had some crazy people you know experiences but did you ever trial from MacGyver that makes me think about that looking at that show and then seeing you it seemed like they almost would have put you on there I don't know at some point I stopped because what they did was they were giving me 7 500 a week and I'm from middle class family that's a lot of money yeah so I was like doing all this stuff was a waste of time but in the meantime I was doing stand up so finally I got they offered me funster Hall it was like a Punky Brewster spin-off so the pilot was going to be 30 000 in 1984. that's a lot of money so I just thought nah can't do this anymore so then all I did was clubs oh because you were making too much money touring well I was just in comedy clubs I was mostly Seattle Bay Area had like five full-time clubs so I started going you know I started headlining I was headlining but even bigger rooms and I was I was making plenty of money yeah you know 2 000 a week and so I just did that for two years and then I did one final thing that was different was uh a movie called tough guys with Bert Lancaster and Kirk Douglas so they became my buddies that was weird I was the third wheel in that movie Kirk Douglas is uh you just passed he passed made to 102. he was the Dad huh oh yeah yeah and Kirk Douglas like he talked like this and it's a ton of great movies uh and Bert Lancaster these were like this is like working with Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt or something you know and so Michael Landon did you ever work with no I would love there we go again yeah look look I was the pro I was the straight man again what are you guys doing I'm telling we're gonna rob a bank yeah they were uh I'm Kirk Douglas when he saw me I go I play him Richie Kirk Douglas said well you're perfect you look exactly like Richie and then Bert Lancaster said how many movies have you done I go well this is my first you've done one I've done 72. so that's the way they talk you can look it up so look at all this [ __ ] I did it's a different time but I'm on SNL as the church lady eight months later I mean I just came out of nowhere what yeah but they were it was a thrill being around them and listening and tell the stories Jack Nicklaus had won the Masters golf at age 46 and people thought and they're like I had pimples at 46. 46. he's an old it's not even not even Middle East and they talk like that and eventually I started doing this thing which I was Politically Incorrect you can cut it out but just for my own amusement late night writer's room stuff I did them as lovers you know Kirk and Bert and I don't really like blue humor but I thought their voices would blend so funny yeah that the comedy was about the Rhythm and the vernacular I want you and I want you now I need to have you okay don't rush me two men having fun doesn't mean we're gay come on do what you gotta do don't keep [ __ ] around like that son I only got so much play down there you keep [ __ ] around like that I gotta pull out and splooge all over your backside so that was the poem that made Lovitz throw up in a parking garage so I would do 20 minute versions of this for the writer Zone could do Burton Kirk and I did it on an HBO special but I do it with lovetts and love it because I would just go so far with it you know I don't know why I need you but I want all of it tonight you won't so what I did was then I made it into they're just gonna wrestle and I made some tapes from friends and sent it to Bill Hader I'd like you to come over to my house three five nine Cannon Drive this is 1952. I'll be there with bell song There's a gate off the side the code is seven five four pound we're gonna wrestle we're gonna wrestle naked style I'm looking forward to it would you like me to bring anything lemonade bring me some lemonade we'll lather up and then we'll wrestle first man out of the ring I look forward to it just naked I might be wearing diaper 455 Cannon Drive I'll be there at 4 P.M make it 4 15. I gotta get ready for the real so it's just me having a party with those rhythms because when I do this stuff I'm the audience in my head two I'm trying to make myself so that's uh I've been canceled three times that's great for to be the audience in your own head aren't you a little bit sometimes if you're on a roll like if you're doing bits and it's packed and you're rolling and you're doing it a little bit better or a little bit different than you ever have so you're turning yourself on going back to yeah at the beginning of the podcast and what did that do turns on the audience you know if you get to turn yourself on but um that's all I'm trying to do all the time I did Biden last night on come on I was just trying to get get that that feeling of a rhythm that makes it makes makes me laugh you know yeah and he going come on let's get real okay I'm not kidding around here you know it was like the you know we're all well endowed by our creator and all men to believe that all men are secreted equally with liberty and John John suits for all man-made kind and ridiculous no joke of race Clear Water her color balloons I walked on the moon you know he yells walked on the moon Lance Armstrong he says Buzz Buzz Buzz Lightyear it was cold and dark we got home the grace of God president Harris was there I'm Joe Biden so I was just kind of trying to find a character and a rhythm because Trump is so easy I'm gonna make an announcement soon you're gonna love it I'm gonna say things like you wouldn't believe and I know how to say things people don't want me to say what I'm going to say it pretty soon and we're gonna do and you're gonna be happy like you wouldn't believe so they're just fun fun rhythms you know I did one as Obama as a preschool teacher Jack and Jill went up the hill Jill decided she wanted to become a jack and jack decided he wanted to become a Jill it's a teachable moment so anyway that's all these are just rhythms I'm still working on I did them on Campbell but I like to do them on theophone is it thank you it's a nice game yeah you have a good sense of humor so sometimes man I want to learn how to do one with you real quick what is like one that you think I could do um summer just sounds well I would say the quickest one and these are just these are ad hoc they're just traditional is walking you can just start with that voice the one I distilled was Christopher Walken sees an amazing magic trick so it's really quick Christopher Walken sees an amazing magic trick wow whoa whoa whoa you're making three syllables out of one word instead of wow wow whoa and then down now down now there you go oh no why whoa don't know why well it's a great character you should play a hit man that talks like that Gotta Kill Ya don't know why plug you full of holes no but he's like everyone does him trying to think like a oh dude you should do Morgan Freeman oh yeah they said it would take a man 600 years hold on let me try it again they said it would take a man 600 years to get out of this here prison but Andy Dufresne did it in less than 20. that is good that is very good pretty good yeah yeah it's interesting too um there is fun to throw your voice is it weird because some of you your friends have died and you still do their voice well I have Dino stepanopoulos is a great writer uh he every time one of my Impressions dies he texts me so when George Bush died he texted me or Regis filming you know but there's a passage of time you don't do it the day of but David and I do Norm because we miss norm and we want to do norm and we know that Norm would have a twinkle in his eye and would be smiling if he heard us trying to do them you know hey they they say uh Penny saved is like what do you call Penny earned right yeah that's like a thousand that's 100 return that's like now you can't get that right you know Jack me Nimble jabby quick you know Gemini candy said okay what is he bipolar what are you doing over there you know he was just that brilliant mind yeah David he'll do that when we're like David where Norm just describes like he's like yeah I'm trying to like uh hold on I'm more about this so I'm trying to like uh I don't know what are you talking about it's like a it's like I walk through this thing it's like a what it's like a tall rectangle like a what is this like it's a doorway but like he would just talk about like I'm in this room and it's just men and there's men peeing in there I don't even I know I've seen this have you guys seen this thing he did a thing and I don't know if John has talked about this John Lovitz but so it's like yeah he had a gambling issue right hey John give me give me give me come on you did his act John's going on give me eight hundred dollars I got a camel come on you know so John's like okay so the next day John goes you know can I have my 800 he goes no I don't have 800 he goes what you owe it to me why are you so mad I lost eight thousand dollars you only I lost 800 why are you so angry he just turned it on him and John was like John Norm would always [ __ ] with him and say I'm a better Stan no he goes I'm a better standing than you you know I'm like a better stand-up than you are because I haven't done it longer and love it so get so mad excuse me yeah well you owe it to me that's the best that he does that John has his own character he doesn't even know where it came from hello um but yeah as far as the 90s thing which you asked is so I did two shitty movies for three million dollars each they were terrible I shouldn't have done them I just didn't know what I was doing I came off with too much heat I had Wayne's World Pro Bush uh Carson I was doing all this stuff came together so too much heat and I didn't really know what to do as a middle class kid Canal wasn't 30 times three million and I hated it so much I said then I had two other offers pay or play Hans and Franza girlyman dilemma but we wrote it with Arnold he dropped out so I didn't want to do that Bob odikirk and I wrote a western called Tucson for me and John Lovitz that John with that fell out and so I and that was three million pair of play but I was okay to get rid of that they've tried to put us together in Bad Boys another three million Pair play but then the script just wasn't right and I it was a hot oven at that point for me so I I got out of that so then I just sort of stopped and then I had two kids but it wasn't it then they went along and then I did the variety show I did a special and then I did the variety show uh with you know with Louis CK and you know you guys had great writers on that great show well Smigel was it was he you know I I interviewed Louis C.K you know he was brilliant then and uh we had we had an a team for sure when you decided to like take out so was it a decision to take a break or was just like this kind of feels what I should do was it like specifically to kind of be a parent was it to make sure that like there was there was some of that we moved up to Northern California I was also sort of disillusioned you know because the movie thing once you make those two things and they stick to you then you're just in a hole to dig out of in a way if I'd done I had Hans and Franz the girlyman dilemma and others that I was working on I just made it's just a misstep I always think of big life big mistakes it's okay to have regrets but then at that point I could make a fortune in stand-up right so I could work I would take two months off at Christmas I would take the Summers off so I could be a present dad and make a [ __ ] ton of money and especially corporate dates I didn't want to do them so they'd say this much I'd say no I don't want to do it and they go how about this much I don't want to do it then they'd say this much I go and a private jet I actually don't want to do it okay what kind of private jet uh Gulf Stream okay so then I started doing those interstitially yeah so I was able to take care of everybody financially but uh I was in no man's land I was untethered but you know Fame was not something that I was I'm kind of like other there's a there's some of us where Fame didn't quite settle with this like it's scary some people embrace it and love it and I don't judge that at all are very easy with it for me I'm kind of an introverted extrovert so being famous was not it was a very odd thing the money was fun and the creativity is fun but the fame part you know I don't know so it's kind of scary but that's how I navigated that I just throw those numbers out so people know because my wife so I was doing stand-up while back and I would just tease the crowd and go I know you're thinking like why am I here it's like 20 seats in in the valley and I I know me too but I'm a millionaire and stuff like that so because you don't want people go oh he was so big and now he's poor so yeah it was never a problem and um now it's just full circle everything's real in in real time for me and so this this weird place thing is just super fun flying the wall with David it's super fun I mean so I'm just having complete creative fun with both those things I'm not frustrated I'm not in a shitty movie or stupid TV show yeah you know I'm doing my own thing now you know what was it like watching your kids be funny what did you like was it what was it like watching your son like was that kind of interesting having had your own relationship with your own dad and your brothers and stuff what was it like when you were a dad and then you had a couple of boys like what was some of that kind of like um well we just had we just had a lot of fun we had a lot of games you know they were just game for anything we do things like um on a rainy day set up an obstacle course around the house and time them yeah and they'd run they did the classic like massive pillow uh massive well we did the pillow throw it was called and so they would I get all the pills from the couch and they would run across on the carpet and I would try to get them under their feet and fall and they love they loved all the games you know uh Hide and Go Daddy which they would go in the room and they would hide I knew where they were but I would creep around and go I don't really know where they are this time you hear the closet door shaking you know so they and they have their own friends in their own humor even as little kids they were you know but we um we just had a lot a lot of fun a lot they had a child of Freedom up there and Northern California suburbs kids could just go out a lot more and you know sort of so I don't know if Dex can jump on the mic on this one but yeah I'm just kind of I guess I'm just kind of curious you know I guess we just had a lot of fun we I watched a lot of movies had a lot of rituals and you know we went to a vacation a lot to Montana a lot and we just were in Montana and a very nostalgic you know for Dex and Tom to be up there in Montana right Dex oh it's the best state unbelievable was Fred Wolfe up there or not at that time because he's up there all the time too yeah if you go to Flathead Lake in August and you catch a nice day it's like Tahoe no one's on the lake and the water is just temperate the mountains I mean it's a magic Place Northwestern Montana Missoula where I was born and where we were this summer I mean tubing and stuff on just on an incredible motorboat right Dex it was the best two and behind a Bose is my is this one of the best things on the planet that's whenever you was was it like whenever was there ever competition with you and your brother like make your dad laugh were you guys like kind of funny was it I'm just trying to think of like what it's like to have humor like with your father I never had like moments with my dad where we made each other laugh that I can remember anything I think I was just too young so I guess I'm just maybe there's no question I didn't have it with my dad either um most of the time I think I was a regular dad you know I wasn't always doing voices and characters right text but well when we were doing when you're working up for your special and we were you let Tom and I go on the road with you that that would get a little competitive you know because uh Tom and I would be opening for yourself you know Tom like just crushed yeah like oh man I got the oh you know the brothers are doing stand up and uh you know it's yeah we but I would just say we just had a lot of fun my wife who likes a very tidy home just gave them full run of it most the time you know the airsoft battles where there's a million pellets and their cousins would come over and couches and they'd be in there fighting for hours loading up and you know I couldn't watch them they'd be on skateboards going down a steep hill so my mind was too active on that thing but my my wife could watch them go down the hill and you know they had a they had a very free childhood in a lot of ways don't you think that's X great get you know bike riding I couldn't ask for more fun they did a lot of Independence yeah Norton yeah uh North Bay Mill Valley yeah little Steven Spielberg Town wow and Julian Julian mattelich was there too and now with full circle here they are working on this thing years later isn't that funny the weird place which what we're always in we're all always in the weird place man it's such a Twilight Zone life is yeah it really is it's it's a touch reality is sort of because I feel like your dreams are and your memories are very similar you know you dream something but if like you try to like hold it in your brain you in fourth grade or something it's it's kind of in that place where you would hold a dream you know so it's sort of elusive isn't it did that really happen you know in fourth grade when we would because you're you're remembering just an images in your head and we skipped the rocks and I beat my brother that time you know I hit six six skips you know skipping rocks was a pretty cool thing escaping rocks is a it's still a conquistadorian event if you can get if you can get into it and do it well yeah I missed the days when things were a lot more simpler and things would be like I remember walking down the street somebody invited somebody their family is somebody had died over there and they buried them in their yard right to do insurance money because they weren't going to tell anybody and get that check wow me and my buddy Summerall are walking down the street and next thing you know we get invited to a damn funeral so we're in the backyard at the oh wow at these folks house and they're burying the damn grandfather in there in the ground and then we'd go back there and play kickball and [ __ ] back there and he was in the ground for like probably 11 months for the cop they figured it out you know some you know that's that's extraordinary a cadaver buried in the yard and we had to do a I remember what they said does anybody want to say a great uh say anything right and my buddy he said Grace like you say at dinner or something he didn't know what to do I guess we were just children wow he said God is great God is good God we thank you for this food and I'm like this is a [ __ ] that was we're standing there by the end yeah we were Scott and I were in the good time though pet cemetery team Under The Willow Tree so the animal y'all were burying him out there huh she almost had a little bit of land huh well no a quarter acre there was a willow tree whoa and that's a little close to me burying a dead animal bro well we uh well where else we gonna do with them take them to the dump I don't give a damn if you don't have a half acre bro no we we it was a short you know boots got Rigamortis in the in the laundry room out in the garage so we cannot go we're touching boots and boots like so boots has ants ants ants coming in his mouth and he's he's kind of stiff or not yeah I'm not sure he's dead so we get the shovel and we're bringing boots down to the pet cemetery the willow tree and we dig the hole and drive we put boots in we both heard we thought we heard and we go I go what should we do he goes he's gone or anyway so we buried and tiger and then Pepe Pepe got run over my brother Mark was sort of not a good driver so he backed up overhead she took a nap under the tire we came out before it was a little cute little poodle the head was all flattened out but he said he never felt a bump Scott and I got to shovel this time it was a not it wasn't a question mark down there right next to the boot foreign you know so we buried a lot of stuff anyway no but yeah we had a kind of a Suburban but it was low population a lot of open land yeah and so a lot of getting in hollowed out trees and smoking cigarettes oh yeah Boo Radley and out there yeah getting in the hollow tree and getting sometimes getting stuck in it you know and uh and fights fist fights and headlocks you know cut it out cut it out you know a lot of just like my brother got through a dart and like stuck it stuck in my leg I had to pull it out you know but anyway it's real [ __ ] yeah yeah I know it's just there's a there's uh we have a symbiotic yeah borrowed some money off me one time to buy drugs right and I didn't know he's buying it for him and his mother or whatever but I went down there a couple weeks later to get my money back you know I'd loaned it to him like two dollars and fifty cents and I needed it you know holidays were coming up and all of that and so I went under their property and they had like 11 people lived in like a house this big as this room and there was people sleeping in the sink and I was so scared to ask for the money and then him and his mom started fighting about drugs the next you know their fists fighting in the yard you know and I was like oh y'all can just keep the money when they're just beating each other's teeth in Jesus we had the Cason brothers and their mom was like 28 or something you know and she was divorced she was a tough chick but she was never around and Johnny Cash and Jimmy Castle was bigger I had fist fights with both of them you know and I would take five to get in one round houses I was 90 pounds and and then Jimmy beat up Johnny was over there and Joint came out of the kitchen he got every every sharp knife in the kitchen he was holding him like this he couldn't even throw him he goes and he had like 10 knives the cast and brothers those are the other side of the tracks even though we didn't have a train tracks there you know mom mama was hornier their mother was just horrible she was horny oh dude we had that lady I think I told you the other night my mom got a dang Dodge Neon right and it was so nice and my brother would go my brother and I was my brother zeph and I would go sleep in it at night just because it was cool oh it was just that it had plush interior yeah it had uh it just smelled like something new yeah you know we'd be in there God is smelling just just smelling as much news oh God and we just fall asleep in there and then this lady we had this lady that live a couple apartments down and she'd always play she'd be out there one time and she was getting railed by some guy on the on the [ __ ] new car on the against the side of it dude my brother now my brother and I woke up and this lady was always out there kind of touching herself and [ __ ] huffing you know not paint but something um and then we just felt the car shaking dude it's funny to go by people having sex we run cross country in high school and this couple's on the trail yeah let me buy as far as the car my dad had a British we always had used cars but it was a Hillman it was a nice British sedan and my brother Scott the guy who ran over Pepe he was like 18. so he went to some baseball thing hot dog Jamboree and later on we found out he had 10 Heinekens so he drove the car home he had had 10 high against and then he got hungry so he had pink popcorn he had two big things and I don't know how he made it home but he came in and he was so [ __ ] drunk my dad was you drunk so he's sitting on the bed I was like so my dad's doing round half lesson right well he broke his wrist on his skull probably the first two punches he wore a cast and we had to say we couldn't say why my mom's saying you're killing him you're killing him but he didn't feel anything so Scott and I were the team we had to clean up the pink popcorn covered all over the front of the Hillman the only thing worse than that is when the whole neighborhood's toilets backed up in our downstairs toilet it just started flowing out because the downstairs Brothers had just a toilet down there no sink and started flowing out so we were in charge so Scott and I were the Bucket Brigade so it was poo and [ __ ] and water going out not just y'all's everybody's all just not ours just the whole neighborhood it was just not all ours they just came and it was flowing up and we're bailing there's Powerball Brad had a a drill because it was it was starting to rise up so he was could have electrocuted himself but he he was Drilling and then he went under the house and was drilling holes for the water to drain and my mom was screaming too he was under the house drilling holes for the water drain yeah the plumbing was blown up well because it was filling up the room and we were bailing as fast we can just just like we were really good athletes at the time we were fit but just like for hours and my mom was screaming I'm throwing it out the window we were throwing it out the window and we'd even grab [ __ ] and throw it out the window and we were just just well buckets are grabbing we got just in a frenzy because we just we're trying to stop it if you got a loose-handed dookie of a stranger I don't know if there's any other I mean you should have it well we had every texture that day we had kind of Milky we had really solids we had two double solids we had we had every kind of feces going out that thing we learned a lot about the human anatomy and gastrointestinal stuff yeah but these are all true stories I couldn't even tell you I mean there's a lot it's good it's fun these we had some rough and tumbles you know what I remember about a lot of people don't remember like I'll hang out with my best friends from growing up and they don't remember a lot of the stuff that happened that's the interesting thing I'm like well you're kind of jogging my memory Because Of You the car and all these things a lot of people just don't remember it I don't know if they didn't weren't paying us enough attention or I think I was hyper aware as a kid too I think as comedians you get hyper aware because you're really alert and sensitive to what's going on that's good for a comedian is to be observant and really be a sensitive instrument I call it yeah and so it's almost a form of like form of Asperger's you don't want to look at the light too much because everything's so intense you know and uh I just remembered all of it you know I just said because it was and there were some just lazy moments too but there was one time where I just got incredibly lucky and it was almost a spooky day at this cab weird cabin in Montana well they had a slot machine in there you know it had all dimes in it and so I started getting you were a child I was a child I was like eight Scott was ten I started hitting jackpots no it's like and then he'd do it then I kept hitting jackpots then we were playing poker we had these chips and I kept getting perfect hands it was this day where I was just incredibly lucky for this day like I couldn't lose couldn't lose I went back to the little there was dimes coming out he gets like you know one Cherry gets a dime like three cherries so that was kind of a mystical day you know yeah things when you're young they have so much like even if you win you win seven dimes it's like remember when this happened or oh yeah I remember we were going to the movies and we found a busted open Coke machine and somebody had been trying to rob it and like Jimmy dope them and they'd ran off obviously right if money was falling out and I walked up and there was all this money and a watch you could see the robber that had reached in they would did his watch had come off so suddenly it had me a nice watch and as much money as you could think of I loved it that was my addiction this shoplifting you know I would go in when I finally got caught like I had a special billowy coat and a special secret pocket in the back and so I I was like in this drugstore and I've been shoplifting like crazy you know shopping candy everything I got this top that you would Spin and I put it in there I'm on my bike and right as I was getting away the guy grabbed the back of it so that my brothers you know they are the ones who got me into shoplifting they would stick stuff down my deviance they would stick stuff down my pants but then I you know that I was shamed by that I took the fall they didn't say we were shoplifting too and we used to stick stuff down his pants we taught him how to do it they didn't say anything they stayed quiet so my dad came in and I thought okay here it comes you know snapped the belt but then he goes oh Jesus Christ you brought shame to the family oh but I didn't really feel that I stopped [ __ ] I thought come on they were all shoplifting well anyway we're halfway through the podcast yeah we're gonna take a break and no I'm sorry we've probably done pretty good how long have we been two hours oh Jesus for Jesus Christmas man seriously really yeah I didn't realize we kept you in here though you put it in two partners or no we'll do a one-parter man um and yeah I wanna I wonder if they'll let us play a clip from your show do you think they will which I mean we're from the weird place you can play anything we want they brought a couple Clips yeah I got a clip you want to play it yeah which one is it I'll set it up uh you guys were saying these submarine crew goes back in time to the pirate ship okay and then they interact with them and they figure out they've gone back in time and they go on a tour of the pirate ship to show them everything and they go to the brig and they meet this especially potent prisoner and the captain McKinley from 1966 is a little thrown by it and this is their conversation he's behind the bars okay are you sure that cell will hold it I could never break out not with these balls manifest now who is this hardly a Thai gentleman I'm captain McKinley of the United States Navy man something some Stray by you Lord is that sweet fragrance ass man it's a deodorant do dog ran never heard of it huh this guy's starting to give me the creeps so there's a little it's you know the filmic music the sound effects like he's slapping the bar and the effect on my voice we played around with that forever I was doing Hannibal Lecter I was doing all and then these guys pitched it down and I said oh God that's the guy that's our that's our bad guy that's psycho Bill who is this right here yeah what's that sweet fragrance I smell uh deodorant never heard of it you're a Navy man something strange about you oh yeah you know it's almost like somebody's uh just bought a new cat do we have another one do we have the ant one or no yeah I got it okay here is like the guy who gets the magic power with the globe these bullish [ __ ] on him he says he says I'll fight you and I'm an abandoned lot outside of town then he goes to the globe and he sees an ant and he puts an ant on the globe and it's magic Globe so he drops it on the lot there at and they're just waiting to fight him and this giant ant comes out of the sky and these bullies have to fight the ant oh there's what there's a piece of it there's a lot longer but yeah look at those legs coming out of the sky [Music] oh no we gotta find this thing keep your feet moving boys ass get the shotgun out of the truck yes so they're fighting for their life just to give you a sound collage that who made the ant noise they uh they did it they did effects I did some practical effects where we we layer so much fun layered in a ton of effects we kind of lay down some initial effects with our just voices and whatnot or find some stuff on you and then we would send it out to our to our mixer guy we were kind of collaborating with and he'd help us sort of how exciting are the moments whenever you kind of like okay let's redo it again but then you realize how much you raised the bar on it you're like oh my God that's it yeah that's it look how much more we can do that's why you kept doing it and those guys went downtown with that ant thing or do you feel like you had were you afraid to be the you're obviously the odd person out and there's nothing you can do about that that's you know but no you know we all grew up together we had a whole cut cutting our back fence and we had a tin can phone and whatnot so yeah dude we were they were they know each other he's like a brother from another mother I mean they're like thick as thieves and they have so much shared experience I met Julian when he was three God what was he like then he was he was about uh he was pretty pretty cocky really he had diapers on but he hadn't no he was just a cute little kid shirtless probably huh probably just strolling around the neighborhood yeah drinking out of a tit that's [ __ ] as you can get dude and his dad's from Mississippi so really that was you know I was I was baptized in Mississippi oh damn baby that's what's up yeah dude I saw uh I used to work over there and uh I had to paint a fence one time right with this fellow Big Johnny and he was a homo erotic guy right and they didn't you know and he would wear uh big chains and stuff and he had a big afro and he would drive on a riding lawnmower all the time and he and I had to paint this white fence and the birds all these uh I think they were Nightingales maybe we'd come and try to get into his hair and so my job while we were painting I had a badminton racket and just to whack them all day bro so that was your job yeah we were out I started painting but by the maybe about an hour in he couldn't handle the pressure of the nature so what 60 cents an hour and you're just whacking birds with attention oh I was doing pretty I was getting paid five bucks an hour but I was out there I probably dude I bet I took 30 sparrows off that dude's brim that day man I mean because they his hair was just wow they wanted a nest in it but did you wound them and then they'd fly away or does it really whack them dead I'd say probably 40 40 50 or 40 not 40 50. 50 50. wow birds are intense yeah it depends well the problem with birds is they're coming out of the sky and you don't know what's going on up there that's what I find right we have animals you get a little bit more you get to they run up you get the Ambiance about a bird you're like [ __ ] you know we have some koi fish on our farm slash Ranch and they're inside this cement it came with the house but they built it so like the Bald Eagles or whatever's up there because most of the people come over go I can't believe they're still alive and they're big they're like 40 pounds and they'll live to like 100 they will yeah they'll live way past us they're like vegetables that float around I mean they go around in circle on a five foot thing and they're fascinated for a hundred years but anyway it said that the the birds intuitively know they could get them with their talons is that it but they wouldn't they don't have enough Runway to get out because they'd hit the Buddha statue damn so they're safe for now they're safe for now yeah be safe for now I think we all we're all that's all we all we're all safe uh how do we close this deal I I this has been so much fun I really told you a lot of stuff no look I'm just I think it's interesting I've heard some about your life I think it's nice that you're getting to work on a project that you know with family obviously family is something that's been very important to you and so I think that's super to me that's really cool man like you know I talk about doing stuff with my brother there's a lot of people who'd give anything to be able to do a job with their dad no matter what it is you know and like um especially to make something like this that almost anybody could really make like of course people aren't going to have no people people make them but we know that you got it there's a whole new level you need to go to you can't just write a script get some voice actors and add a couple effects right you need to win the war every moment for the attention span you need every single moment that's why we made it kind of like an album yeah you know rather than just something to get something else hey maybe someone will buy it will make a lot of money yeah you know we actually said no we want to conquer this space and those guys who they were riding with me at the table they were directing me um they were doing rewrites and they were doing the editing and they were stacking the effects and working with Ben and you know it's just and choosing music bringing in the music and the music inspired me yeah you know and the right scary music for psycho Bill what's the music and we had that Library so we we were able to make it filmic as you can see by these samples oh yeah well it also does that thing for me it brings back your imagination that's it suddenly my imagination has to work and it's almost excited and I don't mean that any dad and son could do this or any dad and family and friends can do this or any group anybody could you could make something fun with your family you could do something with the tools available you can make cool you can make really cool stuff yeah but also obviously you guys are trying to get it at a level out there where it's like you know you want to put a piece of art out into the world and I think it's interesting that you didn't burn yourself out over the years so you still have the ver a little bit of the veracity or concern or whatever to want to do something like this a lot of people get burnt I mean there are people that you know do 20 things that they don't want to do for years and they get burnt out you know so by the time watch The Time Machine with Rod Taylor obsessed which I showed him as a little kid and he's possessed by it so art and music my family with the Beatles and movies just everything to us making art uh doing it I like to think that because of my cross-country and track I've kept my VO2 max really strong yeah like I don't think anyone in Hollywood could hike up a hill with me I don't really think so if they could but I'm going past like they're all in the slow lane so you could beat Neil and easy on his little well yeah I don't want to pick on him I'm thinking of you and me mono Amano I'm looking at 30 years younger he's got lungs on him does your dad have some good lungs on him decks unbelievable wow well I've just never stopped I need it for my mental health I love playing the guitar like I do it for an hour every night making up [ __ ] and I need the the breaking the sweat with the pulse I love it so but I do think the core energy and passion for me and I'm just surprised I'm it sounds so self-congratulatory but I care just as much about this as anything I've done anything doesn't matter to me when something was kind of shitty you can tell if something's popular okay I might like it but well you can tell by hearing right you just tell because that it the amount of layering that went into it and the amount of sound collage and just finding cycle Bill and writing the part and what do they say I want to ask you a question yeah blink in your brain when you hear that voice I could never Escape what do you picture um psychobil you mean yeah I picture a big uh oh you know what he said no well it kind of wonder if my brain's taking over I picture uh a little bitty guy with the biggest wiener you've ever [ __ ] seen a human tripod I mean he's got no he has to wear it over his shoulder in a bag yeah he uses it or weapon but he doesn't even talk about it it's just you don't really know that okay and he has the biggest thickest darkest mustache you've ever [ __ ] see that's the thing that is your psycho bill that's your cycle bill so that you and you can get out of the prison easy he could literally just walk through the bars if you want oh there's stuff that happens but he stays in there because it's just it's well things happen in the storyline there's stuff that happens with the other Sailors and there's some illicit stuff that's going on yeah good so you know that that's the great thing about this if you're driving around as a mom with your kids and it's nothing I can listen to it family and let them Imagine The Story let them decide what Captain McKinley looks like or Captain Jack you know who I worked after my wife's Irish uncle am I on a talk like that and we just call him Captain Jack so all the characters have some some reason or some way I found my way to them there's a character called smarty Wiggins a pirate and I base it off this Irish woman Noni who talks sort of like this but he's the smartest pirate in the world and he invents the toilet and he goes I call it a lavatory because he's a genius pirate but that was coming from noni's voice God Rest her soul she went to the Stars God damn that's what my father used to say all the time oh really go dude oh damn and he would like just randomly yeah we'd wake him up and be like God damn it it was like all I remember was saying most of my life dude and then he would like have some beers he would oh he would take me to the bar with him and he'd tell me to go walk down the bar and come back you know well my dad used to literally walk down the bar and I'd walk down and with all the people's glasses on and stuff walk down and get a beer for him or just walk down it and come back you know when you're little It's a Long Bar you know yeah you know reaching in and getting a little popcorn or a snack yeah you're you know jumping over this glass and you know it's dark and conversate with people it's almost maybe that's how I got on stage first I didn't think about that well sometimes I go walk the bar for him down there and the lady would be down there she'd give me a little Christmas candy even if it was out of season she'd have a little cup of Christmas Canon and he just wanted you to walk down just to see what it was just get off his nerves for about 30 seconds oh just go walk around for a bit yeah go walk down the bar each side because it's hard to get down the bar if you walk down the floor it's wide open but the bar there's deviants you got a damn [ __ ] pedophile you got a couple fists fighting there you know you got a guy picking his nails you know and giving it to you or whatever you know you got a lot of them and you have a great memory you got people to meet along the way you paid pictures with your brain because I'm imagining this bar now oh and imagine 10 year old Theo Tony padones it was called Tony but then my dad was like we're gonna ride we're gonna all right we're gonna head home and he we'd sit in the car like we're gonna leave in just a minute and then he'd [ __ ] fall asleep and I'd just be [ __ ] sitting there I'm waiting for him to wake up oh my dad would when I was in junior I was the last kid there he'd give me a enema kit because he was too embarrassed to go buy one oh oh Jesus Christ Dane this is this is my best this is how we talk oh could you give me one of these and it's something funny because I was buying the enema kit for him no embarrassment yeah even though they might be going what you you you're that constipated you're 18 you weigh 110 pounds Jesus kid but I know okay just give me the animal kit Jesus Christ but he he did take us to the KitKat Club in Idaho falls and it was illicit it was dark and kind of nasty your father took in there he took us in there he couldn't wait to get you a drink no we were just driving up to Montana my sister went with my mother on a plane and so we drove up but this the bar scene as a young the darkness of it because when I worked at Holiday Inn as a busboy and I'd go to or a waiter I'd go into the bar to get drinks in the afternoon and then there'd be like a parent of one of my friends would be in there just getting blasted he'd see me and he'd kind of looked down and then I did room service I waited on Michael Jackson I waited on Little Richard he was naked I've waited where Richard was and did he answered the door naked it was somewhere around well there was a man in the bed with sheets over and he answered the door it seems pretty gay I think I think it's gay and he goes have you been to the show because he was playing the circle Stars you were a child I was 18 19. you've been to the show and I I did you know I just I waited on Richard Pryor waited on um you know Carlin waited on rich little stuff like that and those are whole other stories but yeah but anyway so Theo um I think we're okay man I think we got enough we spent a lot of time together man well it just flowed really nice because I do this now so yeah this was really fun and easy I enjoyed it a lot yeah me too man I really did I mean I kind of broke a sweat a little bit it's good I think I'm okay I think it counts as a workout good well just you get a you know you just sort of get it's exciting just sharing these stories and The Way We Were bouncing off each other because your stuff just keep it was inspiring me oh thank you because I'm like a new car the brother the thing the guy with one toe or whatever it's like oh man okay oh we had something kind of like that too yeah so we were we were kind of hillbillies from the middle class white suburbs basically up there in the Bay San Francisco Bay Area yeah I bet I think it's interesting I think there's just so many commonalities uh but I love remembering things from the past I think it's pretty fascinating I love imagination and yeah I think stuff like this is good stuff like um the weird place is great for people because yeah it'll help it just to get you to go especially moms knowing her dads knowing that they could listen to what their kids see yeah hey what do your kids think throw it on you know oh yeah and then we we have some uh emotionality like I said in it nothing heavy-handed but there's some sweetness to it and earnestness to it and it we were doing thinking of this before Ted lasso which I think that struck a nerve too we love the dark stuff and you know but there's something about earnestness and sincerity and we loved going back into that 60s Vibe and they're all Evergreen they could play a thousand years from now if there'll still be submarines and um so we just love it and um just feel very lucky was there ever a chance like looking back on some of your like Prime days when you were working on SNL and you got to work with somebody unique people yeah and in a time when they let characters really develop and yeah and reoccur and you had your catchphrase yeah it was so it was so much fun um was there ever a chance you guys would try to get back to I've always wondered why didn't like five or six of the guy eyes say hey let's do this again let's just make our own thing and do it it's you know it you see that's an outside of perspective you know no I know and you always think oh but then you're kind of like how do you get back to sketch you know me doing these voices and improvising these rhythms was exercising that same idea and there's a freedom without an audience you know you don't want to be indulgent but you can also step outside yourself but yeah it's a magic thing that's why spade and I's podcast is popular it's a reality show the people will laugh and we'll have a good time but there's an emotional underpinning to that shared story of getting this incredible lucky break you're with your friends or I call them your band mates you're all getting a little money you're getting a little famous and you're all doing it together and you're live in Rockefeller Center Way up in the sky in the middle of the night and there's horses and dwarfs on the show and people are juggling and you're falling down and all kinds of [ __ ] it going on and so it's something that's a it's a fever dream kind of in a way yeah but getting back to it is is very tough there's other ways to do it you know um I think I had a podcast a while back where I was doing long form riffs it was called fantastic it's still out there where I would just take flight of fancies and go for 10 minutes because that's what I would do backstage Kevin and I would do Hans and fronds for like an hour yeah you're a loser we were just cocking that voice for an hour you found good moments yeah and then we'd have to repeat it on but our best moments we would just fall and giggling and you know just by you you know the moment you can't that moment it's so nice when Kevin said and if you don't think we're properly pumped up men you know the defensiveness of Hans and Franz we could very easily come to your house stretch the flap of your back into the shape of a rope ladder so you could crawl down into the sewer because that's where losers live to me it's poetry it may be my favorite rhythms and the guys who never lift anything they're terribly wounded terribly insecure they have this stupid show and they're just trying to get back at imaginary enemies they think the audience doesn't think they're Macho and I could very easily you're lucky your buttocks are like marshmallows you're lucky I don't have a campfire here don't undo your belt you might cause a flabber lunch you put tell your muscles are so flabby I like to shape him in a bowl and put them under the put you on the Christmas tree you know it just gets into madness so Kevin and I love that I was sort of would have been happy if that movie had come to fruition a very funny movie Conan O'Brien Roberts Michael me and Neal and wrote together Hans and Franz the girlie man dilemma so but anyway Life's good you know Life's good man you're staying creative you get into uh you didn't have a family and be a real human in a family that's awesome um thanks yeah yeah my wife and I are just incredibly regular people doing doing regular things there's there's an enviable thing when I see people who can really take joy and doing regular things yeah without being in their head just going to a matinee watching a movie I'm having popcorn man this is great I'm putting I'm putting some raisinets in the popcorn you are I'd say to Scott what are you gonna get my brother's got movies here everything yeah and we were big into movies we liked a movie we'd see it five times oh dude I remember going to Pink Cadillac it was it was playing somewhere in my grandmother's town and I went over there what year was that I don't know damn I don't know saw it over and over again yeah oh I just remember eating so much [ __ ] candy vomiting in the bathroom and going back and watching more we go to matinees but you would go at 12 and come out at five oh yeah any crazy coming out in the light it was so light again outside yeah and you're in there watching Audie Murphy Westerns back to back you might get a sucker and nurse that or if you're a big hunk you just suck on that you had to last all that time it was like you could bring a can of beans or 50 cents because if they were having a Salvation Army thing there bring some soup and get in for a five hour matinee even though we're a generational part there's so many things we have in common things it just uh you know you know maybe we were the original Hillbillies of of San Carlos parents from Montana you know gristle and Dale baked goods and everyone loved to come to our house [ __ ] and balls babe oh I'm caught I'm only caulk he's only boss when you put us together you got Coke and battles yeah all right we should Mike drop it on that yeah we'll do it there Dana Carvey thanks for your time thank you loved it enjoyed it peace out [Music] oh but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of my life [Music]

Channel: Theo Von

Views: 760,840

Keywords: Theo Von, This Past Weekend, TPW, comedy, podcast, comedian, interview, talk show, stand-up, stand-up comedy

Id: -Di1YURPoJ8

Length: 145min 13sec (8713 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 15 2022