Joe Rogan Experience #1534 - Ron White

oh thank you you did you you look like uh you you're well rested like the covid lockdown has done you well thank you you know i i i during this thing i came up with a program uh called the dial it back a little bit program and it's like hey except there's only six steps but you don't get completely sober so it's gonna be very popular i think and uh the first step was uh ron why don't you quit drinking so [ __ ] much and what is so [ __ ] much like what what's the numbers ah you know it's a half a bottle of tequila a night or something like that maybe a little more uh wound back to a third by the way these little cigars are the [ __ ] these are really good romeo and julieta tiny cigars yeah that's the uh the mini cigarillo so there's one that's a little bit bigger than that and it's called the cigarillo and these are the minis and i started like i'm saying it when i was playing golf you know that just whenever it's time for me to hit i just throw it away and let another one you know there's 20 of them for 15 bucks so you know as opposed to a 15 cigar which is what i usually smoke something like that and uh but it's good tobacco yeah it's really good it's the same thing it's in their big old premium cigars just wrote about rolled by the junior rollers that's how they learn and you look like you're smoking a blunt but we're clearly not clearly and uh in austin what are you saying about the rules it's like a co would it you could have as much as a quarter of a pound before they arrest you uh yeah a quarter of a pound is that right yeah uh and that and if you just say it's uh cbd cdb whatever nugs then uh they would have to test it and they don't want to test it they got other things to do so they have cbd stores out here folks it's it's very strange they have stores that sell cbd joints but marijuana is illegal right so i don't know you know my son is in that business and it it is confusing the the uh and i think that's what helps you know yeah is uh they got dizzy trying to figure it out but i was going through lax on the way out here a week early and uh because we set this up for uh we were talking on friday and you said next tuesday the 8th well i don't even know what month it is much less what day of the month it is and so i just thought it's the next tuesday coming up which was only three days away and i was a little mad at you and i was like going wow it seems like you'd have given me more than three days notice and i gotta find a way to get to l.a and i'm looking at flights there's nothing good i'm thinking about bringing my plane down uh which it turns out has a problem so we couldn't bring it down and and uh and i get down here and he's like the eighth is uh a week from today and i was like god i'm so stupid man we made it work yeah we made it work so they just plugged in this stuff a few few days early and here i am so you're not from here but you've been here for how long now like two years how long have you i've said you know i started coming to austin when i was 15 years old my my buddy his brother taught economics at ut and had a house on 4th street which at that time was just little bitty low-end cracker box houses but that mostly teachers lived in and he would let us stay in his yard and uh so we would tell my parents that we were going camping at lake sutherland and my buddy ricky bellows when he turned 16 had the littlest new honda but he had one that was wrecked and he rebuilt it and we put all our camera gear in it and come straight to austin and uh set up in my uh brothers my buddy mickey mcmillan his brother scott mcmillan would set up in his yard his backyard and then we'd walk two blocks to sixth street and it was probably 71 or 72 and austin was tripping balls i mean it was people on unicycles in clown suits juggling backwards music pumping out of every window stevie ray vaughan coming out of this with stevie ray vaughan on one end of the guitar and we're playing live live right just out the window now we didn't have any money and we couldn't get in any club so we had we were completely broke and but we were standing there listening to this music watching this scene of 6th street in 71 i guess it was about 71 or 2 when i've been 15 71. and uh and even then there were people going it's over you should have seen it in 67 i'm like still still still looks pretty good to me man that's what some people always do though oh yeah i missed it man just the other day somebody was like oh yeah it's just not what it used to be and i'm like when'd you get here like thursday i'm like [ __ ] dude really it's taking a dive since thursday all these [ __ ] californians moving in yeah they really hate that [ __ ] yeah i talked to uh this guy's doing uh it work he's like we're being invaded right bro relax well you know it's a i get it it's a great state and and uh but it's uh it's just a liberal stronghold in the middle of a very republican state and you know i was born and raised here and you know if people ask me if i'm a texan i tell them i'm a texan you know this is where i'm from and and uh the state is uh slowly changing and and becoming more palatable for everybody and uh but there's still a pretty hard right wing you know faction that runs it all out of uh out of dallas where all the money is in houston and but that's what keeps it from going haywire right right that's what keeps it from going straight portland right yeah that's it you [ __ ] need that man those people are ridiculous you need that you need you need law and order you do i don't i don't give a [ __ ] with anybody yeah that's uh my old joke was if you come to texas and kill somebody we will kill you back and go somewhere else and kill people you'll be better off you know go to california you know it's just i just feel like you know people want to throw away everything that's there they would just want to break it all down and deconstruct society but they don't really i mean their plan once they do that like you saw what happened with uh that six block chunk of seattle that they took over jazz it deteriorated almost instantly and became a terribly run country right they had borders they had people beating people up for filming things i mean they had murders they were thinking about walls yes they took over too not only that they appropriated all the buildings they didn't build those buildings they just took it over the problem with that kind of thinking is even if you think you're right you what you're doing now someone can do that to you because you've already shown that it can be done you've already shown that you could just by force you can light the [ __ ] mayor of portland's apartment building on fire and stand out and chant well they can do that to your house too right you got to understand like what you're doing is not nice it's not civilized it's not polite this is a civilized society and if you decide you're going to do things that are not civilized and you're going to justify it people can do things that are not civilized to you like the founding fathers as crazy as it is in the 1700s figure this [ __ ] out in advance they had a whole series of checks and balances to keep things from going sideways they really had some good ideas it's really amazing when you stop and think about their great insight into human nature and how it could apply and where it might go right they were right they were right yeah now you know when we were having protests and uh in vandalism or whatever in beverly hills and they were saying that uh the next uh you know they're coming to tear your part town apart you know i really didn't think they would but i still had a retired navy seal standing in front of my house uh with a gun and uh his message was why don't you go [ __ ] up the house next door ron and uh and leave ron's place alone it's just these young people with these idealistic ideas about people that are successful that somehow know that you've stolen it from other people and that you need to give it back to everyone else we need to have a communist society and it's like where's the money coming from where who's gonna work what are you gonna do have you thought this through right you know i had always chosen the path of least resistance in my life and it just ended up here you know in joe rogan's studio at 63 years old this is the path of least resistance this is where i ended up it is but it isn't you know you say that but you you were a grinder you were out there on the road doing the hard gigs that's not the least resistance no it was you know it was so much fun i couldn't stand it you know i mean i would tap my foot when i was at home i wanted to get back out to the path of least resistance you know because you know me i love stand-up comedy and i love being on stage like you do and uh and uh and touring never bothered me you know it got softer and softer it started out it was 800 miles in a in a nissan truck with a bench vinyl seat that would bend you over the steering wheel after 50 miles and you had 800 miles to go to atlanta to do shows and i didn't care you know i felt like i found it yeah and and i didn't even know what it was until i found it the first time i was on stage i was like oh i'm a comedian that's what i am if you just look at most of society at least i did when i looked at most of society most of what people were doing so unappealing to me it just didn't resonate with my mind and the way i grew up it just didn't work but as soon as i started doing comedy going on the road i was like oh my god i found this thing yeah i found a thing that just works it just fits into my dna it just it just makes sense that's the same with me and i never ever thought that my career would get as big as it did ever talking about divorce outside you talked about how you've been [ __ ] over and i said if i could just go back in time when you were broke and i said ron in the year 2020 you will have been [ __ ] out of millions of dollars in divorce yeah and you would be like well [ __ ] man how much did i make how did i get all that money where'd it come from do i have any left after this how am i doing so yeah and it was it was two women and uh and all together with lawyers and all in for 10 probably 10 million bucks and ouch and after tax money you know so that's 20 million in real world dollars it's uh something like that uh well you know if you're if you're making dollars at the box office you know you're you're really only putting about 28 cents out of every dollar in a bank account that you could spend and so you got a big chunk going to taxes and managers and agents and travel and all that stuff and you're trying to have fun and trying to have a good time hey you're not squirreling money away for divorce well it turns out it was i thought it was retirement but uh now it turns out you know i i really i really believe that i'm retired i believe i'm done really you done with stand-up i think so listen man we're going to open up a club here in austin oh i'll do that i'm going to drag you in yeah you're going to crush you're going to get that the feeling down to your toes that tangle whew i haven't even thought about a set in a half a year you know they they tapped on my bus and uh the parking lot of a venue uh in uh springfield uh illinois and uh the parking lot was half full you know i'd flown out from l.a got on my tour bus in uh in st louis my crew is with me the crowd showing up they knock on the door and said it's over wow the government just uh the governor just pulled the plug on this date and then they plugged it on the next date and i'm like [ __ ] there's not going to be any shows till may i bet and boy was i wrong it's right now we're in september yes it is september and there's no shows in sight well you can go some places uh houston's doing shows san antonio's doing shows nashville's doing shows kansas city's doing shows a lot of places like [ __ ] it let's roll let's just do it yeah but you know the you know zany's in nashville uh hugely [ __ ] collapsed on stage there and he had coveted and the guy that ran the club uh got covered from him and he got it from hughley yeah from ugly well he got it so we're assuming it was for me maybe he gave it to him well i could have gone the other way except for ugly collapsed and then he came up positive three days later whoever hewgley's road manager is it props to that guy because he saw it coming and caught him yeah right so yeah that's gonna hit the floor i'm the [ __ ] cuz if he hits the fall floor man he's got brain damage right yeah if you fall from that you fall from a sitting position and that's a kind of a high stage yeah oh you've been there right yeah yeah my manager would find out about it on the internet the next day he wouldn't not only would he not catch me he wouldn't even know where i was you know but it was a weird one right did you watch the video uh of him d.l uh like his words got all jumbled together like it did they didn't make sense yeah no i didn't see it and then there was one it was it was very strange like and the crowd was like what what the [ __ ] did he just say comedy oh is that it what are you doing jamie why is it not going where it's supposed to be we got a lot of [ __ ] technical glitches we're working out the gremlins here right now at the new studio jamie's trying to show it for us he'll show it to us we'll get it we'll figure it out but it was a weird moment where he uh he just paused and then and just started collapsing his manager caught him right in time and then he just dragged him off the stage oh i'd like to see the footage of that yeah we would uh we would you know i play golf when i'm there at the same course there it is let's see if we can hear it i can't i got that's what i was working on see he catches him look at this right though oh it still bounced his head though it wasn't a great catch no it wasn't the best catch i like that little gray goatee thing going on like that yeah if i like it so much i grew one i played golf with him uh him and uh cedric and george lopez a few months ago that must have been a fun outing yeah i was staying at this bakar resort up in santa barbara and i just looked across the bar and it was hugely and cedric sitting there and i'm like who is that i recognize these guys and uh and i went over and started i just heard them order tequila and i was like oh this is kindred spirits over here i'm gonna upgrade their order because they sold my tequila at that place and uh so i sent them over some tequila and i'm like and and they threw a fit over me you're ron why brother white and i'd worked with cedric he middle for me on the road and i knew he was going to be a star then as they're stopping this guy you know he's got so much talent and energy and uh so it turns out lopez was coming up to play golf with him the next day you know so we we hooked up made it a foursome killed a bottle of uh of a number one extra yajo on the course we passed it around on the 18th to polish it off and and uh what a what a hoot you know what a glorious day that was and just laughter and fun and i'm sure golf is awesome it's just that's a lot of time it's a time you don't have time for it buddy i don't have time you ain't got time for it i don't know how you do what you do three shows a day or two three of these a day and then everybody i don't think anymore well you the last time i did your show i was the third one that day and and uh you're like yeah i'm gonna go do my abs and then i got five sets tonight and i'm like jesus christ i'm gonna go to bed i was drunk stoned i'm like you're gonna do what yeah yeah i gotta do my abs and i'm gonna head on over yeah last podcast we did we got a little lit yeah we got crazy yeah early so it's your [ __ ] tequila you come bringing your own tequila what's a man supposed to do right you gotta drink it you gotta drink it so you were saying you're just in the in the tequila business now you're basically not even in the comedy business anymore you know i actually told somebody in a conversation that that i used to be a comedian i say they said what do you do i used to be a comic and then i kind of caught myself i'm like well because i believe if you want to be a comedian all you have to do is go be a comedian but you have to do that right you have to go do it you have to go do shows and all those things and that i just don't do anymore when you call someone a comic like how how long they have to have done it you know before i recognize it uh a while you know what's a while you know i i think you start i'd say five five years yeah before you start to even start to understand the relationship between you and all those people out there uh it's a it's a long process i think i caught it on i i caught on to do and stand up really quickly so when i had four minutes i could kill for four minutes and then i could kill for five minutes so i always kind of understood how to generate the power you know even from pretty early on uh but i still only had five minutes uh i think the worst thing that can happen to a young comic now is they come out and win some contest and all of a sudden they were headlining but you know they won with 10 minutes of material and then what do you do that's a that's a tough spot to be in yeah it's horrible charlie murphy was famous and then he started doing stand-up so he was doing stand-up as a famous person famous for being funny on the chappelle show right that took balls yeah i did and i i was around charlie during those days and it was crazy i mean he just was learning stand-up in front of sold-out crowds that's scary but i never thought any of this even though i was standing right next to foxworthy when he exploded uh into one of the biggest comics that ever lived uh i never thought it would happen to me you know i just didn't uh and i was okay with it you know i liked being a club headliner and i was i was still making you know as much money as my friends or more as a club headliner and and i wasn't paying my taxes which made it seem like i made even more money all right so i'm picking up tabs and [ __ ] right and uh but i never saw a big you know big big success uh ever coming my way and it just did i think the most the most fun you have is when you're just making enough money to not worry about money everything else gets it gets complicated yeah things get complicated when they can take 10 million from you in a divorce yeah right that is well you know what that's the thing i remember when uh after blue collar came out and all of a sudden when the dvd came out all of a sudden i could sell out any venue in the country in two minutes literally and the money was coming in and i was so joyous because i didn't see what else was coming behind it right i just saw all of a sudden i'm making money hand over fist over hand over fist and i'd wake up in the morning glad to be me you know i would wake up going yeah this is great i could go online and look i'm a millionaire look at this i'm a millionaire this is the most fantastic thing ever but i didn't see what was coming you know just as far as all the you know i'm basically an idiot and and uh or i'm a fool in his money and you don't want to walk away from that without a big pile of it and uh you know it didn't it yeah and i'm kind of getting to a place in my life where now i'm like all right i'm okay i'm okay i still i've still got it i mean i still have the finances to retire comfortably and i mean not i actually i was my girlfriend lives on a main channel over on oxnard at the marina and we were talking about getting a boat so i called my friend who's an offshore boat racer and a billionaire and and uh i said i just want you know he knows a lot about boats he'd give maybe give us some direction on what kind of boat would be great and so he started asking me right away on the phone call he said how's the career going man what's going on in your life i said it's over man i don't have any dates i have nothing on the books i don't know when it's coming back and i talked to my financial people and said let's figure that i'm never going to make another dime what can i keep what can i what do i sell and and i said i got to get rid of the plane and probably the bus and he goes well at least you don't have a boat and i was like oh that was the next that was my next question man i was going to sell the boat to get a on the bus to get a boat do you but if everything comes back like if if they develop a vaccine if we reach herd immunity if people start touring again you'll be out there come on man i don't know come on man i don't know what's left oh man i'll bring you out there i'll just bring you out for a guest set all right bring you out for a little guess i'll give you a little taste you know i feel the roar of the crowd ladies and gentlemen please welcome ron white yeah wouldn't it be nice i you know i i could tell because i always worked really hard right and uh i'm not worked really hard but i always did a lot of shows right uh toured all the time and if i took 10 days off i could feel it in my big set yeah you know just that information's not floating as close to the top as i'd like for it to be and and then by the next set it was a little better but third set i'm fine and i haven't done a set thought about a set looked at a set list watched the tape in a half a year and i don't know what i've i don't know how long it would even take to get it back or if it or if i could just walk back into it you'd walk right back into it i did uh houston improv i guess about a month and a half two months ago now and um i uh listened to a bunch of sets and uh i did the whole weekend and the the fir i listened to like three or four recordings made notes wrote down all my stuff i forgot a couple of things forgot the way the order or a few taglines but i walked out just having a great time i had a great time first show was a little odd like wow can't believe i'm doing stand-up again by the second show was a show by the third show i was back okay but it was just because i listened to all the recordings i took a lot of time i really went over it what venue what size venue were you it's a small place the improv okay you know i mean i think it seats 500 and i think they they were at 75 capacity yeah right not really yeah why are there no empty chairs that's pretty packed oh we took the chairs we didn't need outside but it was a good time it was it was fun but then i started thinking man what if i got it and then gave it to somebody that's my word worry i give it to some person that has a compromised immune system right well that's what you know i was telling you that my girlfriend and i i was gonna move uh this i bought a new car for out in l.a and i wanted to move the car that was out there out here so we decided to just drive it so we stopped in vegas and stayed at the bellagio when i i've always worked at the mirage and i found out that outside the mirage i'm nobody even with the mgm grand folks and so it was kind of just you know a week before we got there people were going who's got the keys to this thing man how do you turn those lights on oh right we fired those people uh we got to get them back because we don't know how to do this yeah those casinos had basically shut down for months at a time yeah and they load everybody and those are monster complicated [ __ ] properties and then we went to uh we had we did some gambling we ate some decent food and no shows or anything and we were there for three days and it was great played golf and and uh but we just stayed to ourselves and we won some money playing blackjack and went uh spent it immediately on caviar and champagne and uh i'm like look what we want this is great and we went to sedona and sedona's you've been to sedona arizona just like hippie land yeah it's all crystals just beautiful it is beautiful oh it's like stunning i mean every direction you look why does it attract so many flaky people though they say it's because of some kind of a vibe that it has energy or whatever yeah and uh we're staying in this you know it's kind of a five-star resort and it was down on this river with these little cabins and this beautiful river wolf whatever oak creek or whatever it is and cuts through these huge canyons and and uh you could take these adirondack chairs and put them in the river and just sit in this beautiful clear running river with it and just sit out there and relax and let the world go by and breathe and it was really really nice and uh i told jeannie i said you know what we could do because we had our we were made kind of last-minute reservations so we had the littlest cabin furthest from the river but there was a little house right on the river i don't know what they charged for it but it was cool as [ __ ] and i said you know what we could do we would pool our money and just rent this place and we'll just live here until we're broke until it's all or there's all the money's gone we've run up a tab we can't pay it we just i'll tell them there's money coming we've already spent millions here and then when the cops are wading into the river to drag us out and throw us off the property we'll shoot ourselves and just float dead and she was like what i'm not saying i'm not saying we have to i'm just saying and then i kind of okay with a syringe of heroin and just but whatever you know that uh she next it yeah yeah chicks don't like those romantic ideas yeah so then we went to santa fe then austin and then i had my tour bus pick us up in austin and took us to up to uh nashville and then to see my mother in uh in cocoa beach florida and uh so we had cobot tests before we got to mother's house to to you know make sure even though we'd been being very very safe that uh you know i couldn't bear the thought of uh yeah off and my mom and uh yeah that's the big fear man that's the big fear the big fear is giving it to somebody who can't handle it right right it's um it's a weird one man i mean the this uh society has changed in such a radical way over the last six months it's almost like if you well i know someone who actually did get hit by a car right right before george floyd died and had brain damage and came out of a coma like while the riots were going on like literally didn't know what was going on and has brain damage and he's trying to put it all together like you ever see that movie 28 days later yeah awesome zombie movie but the guy wakes up in the middle of a coma from a coma and the world's changed he woke up and there a virus that swept through the land some a virus that they created for chimpanzees called rage and it escaped from a lab and started infecting people and turned them into these wild zombie creatures right but you know it's almost like that like this person that i know woke up from this from getting hit by a car flown through the air landed on their head got all [ __ ] up in a coma for 10 days hospitalized and then coming out of it watching the news going what the [ __ ] is happening right this cops car's on fire streets are burning people wearing masks everyone's wearing a mask and uh and not wearing masks you know i was so protective of my mom but she wants to get out she wants to go to the grocery store she wants to go you know but she's just been locked up so she she she also cooks for me you know she my mother loves to cook for me and and it was almost like breaking bad when they chained that guy to the meth lab that's what my mother looked like in the kitchen you know just making fried chicken and fried shrimp and gumbo and all the things i love and but we went to the store and you know she likes to you know she doesn't walk that stable but so she likes to walk with a you know with his cart and so we went and there were people not wearing masks and i just wanted to [ __ ] cuss them out you know and uh you know so that that so they get to walk around with no mask i got to keep my mother in a storage facility you know so she doesn't catch this disease and so i'd like for everybody to catch on with the mass thing you know and just let's let's get through this yeah i think most people have caught on with it now don't you think most people are wearing masks it's pretty rare that people aren't wearing masks especially around old folks it's become i think a little bit better and we're you know we're getting some better numbers right now so that's good you know that's uh i i hope you taking your vitamin d no okay well you got to take vitamin d it's very important there was an article that was just published recently that i put on my twitter page um that i don't read your twitter page but you don't have to but i'll send you the things directly that are important all right but uh this was uh talking about vitamin c and people that get covid and wind up in the icu and vitamin vitamin d rather vitamin d seems to be the the biggest factor that people um one of the things dr rhonda patrick talked about on the podcast too is that more than 80 percent of the people in the icu are deficient in vitamin d and only four percent had sufficient levels of vitamin d the vitamin d has a significant impact on your immune system and most people don't get it you probably get a good amount because you're out in the sun golfing a lot but probably not quite enough right and you should almost always supplement yeah i might you know my doctor said something i just had all my tests done the other day and and uh he said that you need to boost your uh vitamin d that's what he said everybody does right humans aren't supposed to live in this little [ __ ] red spaceship we're supposed to be outside in the world i mean this is how we evolved we evolved to be outside all the time we didn't evolve to be indoor creatures so our bodies are designed to absorb vitamin d from the sun i mean that's that's how we create vitamin d in our body right and i think you're right i do i do spend an awful lot of time outside so that but you know i need to get on a program that's for sure you know are you willing i'll put you on a program i'm willing i'm willing to be on a program yeah now do you take a ton of vitamins i take a lot of [ __ ] even though and you believe it's all good yeah i feel great you have more energy than anybody i know do you sleep at all i do that's one of the reasons why i have energy i sleep a lot a little amount of sleep for me is six hours that's a little amount like that's like a oh i gotta catch up a good night i'm sleeping eight maybe even nine yeah i sleep i sleep good it's important yeah everything man it's everything that's uh you know that's uh that's what i want from you you know i i'd love to have joe rogan energy instead of ron white energy which is uh uh man let's take a nap that's the tequila son oh no that's uh that's salvation that's uh pour some of that salvation all right all right crack it open i was gonna i was gonna make this deal that uh that for sure i didn't drink for the first hour i think we're about 40 minutes okay that's close good enough yeah close close enough 30 minutes because you made yourself a deal that's hilarious yeah see if you drink this every day you're not gonna have a lot of energy but you will have an interesting energy while you're drinking it you know it's just it's a treat it's a stimulant and i know i've told you that before instead of a depressant cheers joe rogan here's my brother congratulations to both of us thank you for everything for everything um some good ideas with this stuff this stuff will bring me to some strange places it will sure i was also going to bring some shrooms but i decided not to are you uh still microdosing you know it did it stop working no it didn't stop working out the the guy i was getting it from went to prison and uh so for mushrooms i don't know what are the odds yeah right i don't know yeah i think that's exactly what happened who the [ __ ] is putting someone in jail for mushrooms that guy should go to jail yeah it's you know he was a door guy in a club and uh but he was really doing it because you know he knew a lot of vets that had you know ptsd and and they and people were feeling like hallucinogens were you know making a connection for some of these guys and particularly micro dosing yeah microdose and that's what and that's what i was doing unless there was a concert to go to and then i was maxo dosing well i ran into you at the green room at the comedy store and you're like i found this thing that's [ __ ] amazing i'm just micro dosing yeah i guess i'm on medication puts a little sparkle in yeah your day and and uh so you know and i still you described it as wonderful wonderful how are you feeling it's wonderful it's wonderful take the drugs and go to the concert you know have fun you know just get my lazy ass but the microdosing is it's like it's just enough to feel it right it's just like you just just enough to feel it you just just enough to take the edge off of life yes but you're very there very coherent yeah even more probably yeah well they say you see things better there was studies done on visual acuity one of these uh psychedelic researchers they did these things with people they gave them low doses of psilocybin and they they were able to detect uh movement quicker than people without it like so they have two lines two parallel lines and when one of the lines would diverge off of parallel the people on mushrooms could recognize it much quicker than the people not on mushrooms yeah you know at one of my earliest mushroom experiences uh maybe the first we had we'd heard about it of course i was in houston so mushrooms were at the end of every street because it's all developed ranch land the further you out you go so at the end of it there's a pasture and that's full of mushrooms right i had no idea had they had value anywhere because they were just so readily available and when we were i'd boiled some up and uh me and joe payne and uh and we drank them but we didn't know how long it took for it to hit and then joe had to leave and i'm sitting there and my dad comes home i was staying with him and uh and i feel these mushrooms coming on a little bit and then there was this horrible wreck in houston where this big truck was some kind of gas flipped on one of those big overpasses and they had cameras out there and i started laughing so hard it was the funniest thing i ever seen and uh and i couldn't stop myself from laughing at it and it wasn't funny at all and it but it just the laughter was in my dad i remember him just looking at me going what's wrong with him and uh so i left and i was driving my car and i noticed that i could see an eye of a bird that was 50 yards away while i was running into the back of another car so i'm i can't really i can't really uh verify that everything but the birds eye was looking at and then all of a sudden not very hard but it was definitely a wreck yeah it makes you see things makes you hear things makes you you hear yeah speaking of here comes and goes we got some gremlins spaceship noises where spaceships say looking plays here yeah we're working this place out trying to figure it out i like it though i think it's it you know whenever you're in a new spot you got to get accustomed to it still feels weird like we did one with adam curry it just it felt weird it just feels weird to be here yeah i'm already used to it yeah i'm used to i'm used to austin tell you that i got used to it quick i'm settled in i love it i like it a lot i love the less people i love how friendly everybody is there's a lot a lot of good things about this place i love the barbecue i had diarrhea for four days in a row i couldn't stop really i was eating his [ __ ] barbecue i had like a piece of lettuce in four days it was all ribs ribs and sauce like jesus where are they coming from where you got a go-to place or you oh man i was going everywhere um i i found this hole in the wall um a bee cave barbecue holy [ __ ] it's like a trailer like this little trailer that you pull up to [ __ ] phenomenal you know they're all born out of this phenomenal this uh you know these are all sorts you know early uh german settlements through uh new braunfels and they just understood smoke houses and is that what it is that's where it all came from wow it all came from germany yeah no kidding yeah ah wow well i know there's a lot of german folks that live in fredericksburg right like out there oh and uh wineries new braunfels and what's south of new braunfels uh uh where did your aunt live and oh they live in new braunfels uh what's but anyway that's where that was all german settlements and we used to go camp and we'd go tube the guadalupe river which is a fun fun thing to do and we stayed at a campground called the lazy l l and it which used to be a farm for this german family and the guy that owned it figured out he could turn it into a campground and make easy easier money so he did he was about 90 years old and he smelled horrible just really stunk always always wearing the same clothes he told me he wanted to show me something so their old barns were there and stuff and he took me over and he showed me a plow that had a seat on it and he said that when he saw that he as he said that he thought everything that could be invented had been invented now you're sitting on a plow are you [ __ ] kidding me living the good life living the goddamn the horse is dragging you and the plow you're all good and uh you're not doing anything your boots aren't getting muddy no i don't know you're above it you're good you're above it through life living that silver star life that's a um it's a weird thing that the immigrants came out here learning how to smoke meat like german smoked meat and smoked sausages and they somehow another morphed that into barbecue it was everybody that worked for that one of those people they went and started their own place because they learned how to do it and it just kind of spread from that and uh you can't have bad barbecue here you will not survive no no no no no you will not survive i found that out everyone you cannot make any money selling shitty barbecue in the texas hill country you cannot no it's not happening yeah everything's good yeah the the real worry like i was saying is uh that people like me will come here and [ __ ] it up how could you [ __ ] i'm not gonna [ __ ] it up i'm gonna find nice texas people and say tell me how to vote i'll vote your way i want i want to keep your thing going whatever you did to get this like i want to keep this going it had nothing to do with politics no it didn't it didn't but politics could [ __ ] it up though not the barbecue no not the barbecue but they could [ __ ] up some of the aspects of this place like yeah the freedom parts right yeah the thing the thing about having a place like this is you gotta kind of let people do like one of the things that i love about texas is the fact that it's so wild that you could do a lot of [ __ ] here you could do crazy like i looked at a ranch and i said what if i wanted to put a comedy club on this ranch is there any rules they go no no go ahead they were like go ahead i go what about a shooting range they're like oh yeah of course fine yeah bring it like do whatever the [ __ ] you want put a fence around shoot every animal you have yeah it's freedom it is it is it's freedom yeah and uh i i i enjoy you know i'm uh socially uh pretty liberal but physically pretty conservative and yeah me too uh so i uh you know and you know i i just lean that way and so i i hope that texas you know leans that way too you know i don't know that it ever will but you know i i i love the the freedom of texas and uh and and i love calling myself a texan you know it's it was a sovereign nation at one time we could fly our flag as high as the u.s flag no other state can because they weren't a sovereign nation that's true you you could fly the texas flag it's the only flag yep yep do you know why uh this place is so crazy do you know the whole history why it's so different than anywhere else why austin or texas just texas in general because it was its own country because the comanches uh the comanches that's really what it is okay we had all right let's hear it joe they had to fight off the comanches the comanches they were mean were the baddest [ __ ] in the plains and they literally ran the western part of this country they were the most savage they they all they ate was meat they lived off of like buffalo meat basically they learned how to ride horseback better than any other indians they learned how and they call themselves indians this is a thing like native american versus indian i've talked to them they prefer the term indian i don't i don't know if that applies to all of them but the ones that i've talked to when i've been trying to educate myself about this [ __ ] they said we we prefer the term indians but didn't the american people or the the settlers call them indians because they thought we were they were in india the original people in the 1400s thought they were in india yeah but for whatever reason it stuck and but the comanches they were when the the the texas rangers were the first guys to figure out how to beat the comanches so mexico was allowing people to move in to texas and oklahoma back in the day when the settlers are like go ahead my friend go ahead it's free and they were basically using settlers as a buffer for the comanches because everybody who moved into these places and built houses just got slaughtered right and so when the but it was rangers mexico until when yes until what year i don't remember what year but they figured out the texas rangers were the first guys who figured out how to fight the comanche and that what they did is they basically fought like them the early settlers used to get off of their horses to shoot so they get off their horses with a [ __ ] musket and the comanches would run on them and they could shoot five six arrows in six seconds so they would just boom filling them up with arrows and these poor bastards had the musket with the stick and the powder and they got [ __ ] so colt figured out how to make a revolver and the first revolver was made like somewhere in like the 1840s and one of the very first people that used the revolver was the texas rangers was jack hayes jack hayes was the original texas ranger and this bad [ __ ] figured out how to live like a comanche fight off a horseback 99 sure that's his name jack hayes google that real quick but um we have a we actually made a a large photo of this dude that's gonna hang in the the front lobby oh cool yeah there he is john hayes well they call him jack too right isn't that weird that jack is a nickname for john yeah john f kennedy is jack kennedy yeah that doesn't make any sense how the [ __ ] did that happen jack hayes yeah john coffey jack hayes was an american military officer so that dude he's there's a large metal photo that's being made of him he's the reason why texas exists because these these [ __ ] figured out how to fight the comanches they figured out how to do it and partly because of colt and because of the revolver and the revolver was basically this all comes from a book that's an amazing book that i read uh called empire the summer moon by this uh this guy uh sam gwen s s g gwen and it's all about the comanches and and how difficult it was for the settlers to make it across texas so texas became this fiercely independent place partially in part because of their battles with the comanches who ran through austin is there like you can find comanche arrowheads in austin still to this day i have friends who've found them here right i have friends that look for them all the time foxworthy is one of them he goes on these arrowhead searches all over the place and where they find them for the most is those uh buffalo jumps you know those places where the command she would force buffalo off cliffs i didn't even know that this is how wild it is they would force so many of them off of cliffs that they would rot in a pile because they couldn't eat all of them they would rot in a pile and there would be so much bacteria and rot that they would spontaneously combust so most of these buffalo jumps like when you would find at the bottom of they'd be charred like charred cliffside because the piles of buffalo would would literally burst and burst into flames how do you know all this stuff joe i smoke a lot of weed i smoke weed and i get into things that's why i can't play golf i know i know you don't have time for golf well i can't play golf because i'd get obsessed yeah you would that's the problem like jiu-jitsu or whatever it is you know and i would get obsessed yeah i know i would i tony hinchcliffe is obsessed now that poor bastard he's hooked he plays golf every day sends me pictures i know he's telling me i just played golf with uh uh or just had a conversation with a guy named pete that we all know that uh oh yeah and uh and he had just played golf that morning with hinchcliffe and he said he's he's horrible but he's so into it that it it doesn't even matter that's how he is with pool yeah hinchcliffe is horrible at a lot of things that he's really into yeah i think he's uh i think he's really funny though oh he's one of the best up-and-coming comics in america he came with me to houston when we did that gig yeah yeah he's [ __ ] hilarious he's talking about moving to austin he's kind of i'm dragging him on here on white he said there's going to be no place to do stand-up and i'm like no there is there is joe's going to open a club man i'm going to open up a club 100 that's the plan there's a long-term plan there's a ranch and a club in those wrong long-term plans and the club's going to be on the ranch i don't know yet i haven't decided yet oh no you got to have a club where people can go to it yeah yeah they get in a car they go to the ranch no no no you might be wrong i could not be wrong about this you might be wrong location location location i don't know i don't know about that not barbecue yeah not just barbecue and comedy i mean like outdoor festivals i want to put in an amphitheater and do charity concerts oh wow like legitimately yeah i think it all can be done promote it on the podcast but just have it for for good for good will all the money goes to charity i forget about your platform and how many people it reaches i know the first time i did your uh podcast i had no idea how big it was you just asked me to come do it and i was driving down there going i can't believe i said i would do this and i had no idea and then i [ __ ] hit a curb while i was pulling in and busted a tire and i'm like god damn it and then it turns out it was the biggest thing i've ever done in my career was your podcast more people saw that than anything and i got more people coming up to me i saw you on rogue and i saw you on rogan i'm sorry on rogan i'm like god damn how many people are watching this [ __ ] thing i remember you grabbed me at the comedy store afterwards you i had no [ __ ] idea no idea no idea nobody told me you know you didn't tell me you just i just knew you had a podcast and uh turned out you know turned out to be a hell of a gig well the thing is it seems like it's not right because it's just you and me here hanging out you know it seems like it's it seems seems like it's just us yeah right sure this is how we would do if we were the back bar of the comedy store exactly the same thing and that's why when i watch it you know i watched one the other day with you and whitney cummings and annie letterman yeah and that was really good those girls were awesome oh they were so funny those girls are so funny did i tell you about uh about uh whitney's pig yes she drove it all the way to texas to a [ __ ] pig sanctuary and i made it did you meet it yeah you got pictures oh yeah yeah to the big sanctuary so what happened was we were gonna do i was talking to j mcgraw and we were thinking about doing uh uh jay's moving down here huh jay's moving out here i know you know i don't believe it you already bought a house oh he didn't tell me that yeah got a house online oh no he did tell me that on travis right [ __ ] yeah so all right we're bringing them all out here all right come on come on bang the drums put up the bat signal yeah i told somebody the other day that uh he said why is uh why is rogan moving out here and i said well because i moved out here and you started crying like what am i going to do with that run why i'm like just come on out here joe and it'll be great well you did say that you did say that and i wiped a tear from your eye with a little tissue and and then you just use that bandana you have wrapped around your neck right just to just to dry your tears and tell you there's hope for your future yeah but you were talking about in glowing terms and that's not a small part of why i'm here there's several people that talked about it in such glowing terms and when the looting hit that was the big wake-up call for me i was like okay yeah i see what's going on here you know i either can have you know armed guards everywhere which i already had you know at the studio or you know and but it felt weird felt on la feels unmanageable it feels like it's out of control and that garcetti guy is not handling it well no i don't think so no it's a [ __ ] disaster and there's more tents now than i've ever seen in any rei convention everywhere you go everyone's camping you know it's like the streets are filled with people that got evicted from their houses or lost their jobs or don't have any money for anything and it's just it's just way too many folks way too many folks and not enough people working and it just seems dangerous right well it's the climate's so good that if i was gonna be you know if if i had no home i would want to live in southern california and be homeless there yeah guys who haven't made is those mobile home dudes that drive around those shitty mobile houses right because i mean basically you park it and there's your house i mean you got a roof you got it until they make you move then you move and park it there yeah but i mean they're not even making people move that much anymore after covet everything after this whole george floyd thing and the attacks on the police officers like there's very few things they're enforcing that they used to enforce they used to kick the where our old studio was they used to kick them off the streets they should not let them park on the street now they're all over the streets you'll go down one of the side streets in the valley and you'll see 15 in the van nuys area you'll see like 15 of them in a row 20 in a row there's basically villages of people that are living out of their mobile homes and most of them they barely can drive you know there's a lot of them right he's all [ __ ] up right we thought someone was shooting in front of our house we thought guns were going out in front of the studio rather and uh the security guys go out there and it's just one of those guys trying to start up his truck it was backfiring bang bang bang i mean really loud like we were like oh [ __ ] it's going down right out front but no just a dude trying to move yeah yeah yeah i figured when i needed to felt like i needed to hire uh an armed guard to protect my home there which turned out you know wouldn't probably didn't yeah probably didn't matter but i was that worried about it you know just that uh yeah i'm gonna go ahead and put somebody up there you know and i felt kind of you know odd about doing that but uh because i figured if somebody paid me to guard their house once people started coming at me i would just find another job right i would move on down the road and do something else for a living you need more than one guy right well there were actually two because my manager lives on that street too so he had one and i had one and uh but they never got it you know it's pretty high up there uh so they just never got that high you know it was down in the flats there were some problems the thing is once things start happening and you you didn't start it but you're doing it like you're like looting like it's it takes a lot to get people to smash get someone to smash a window and run into into a store and steal things it takes a lot but once someone smashed the window and there's three people in there stealing things it's not that hard to run in there right that's what the problem with my mentality is once things start happening it seems getting this butt head momentum going yeah and you can't [ __ ] stop it yeah it's very hard to stop and once the genies out of the bottle like it is in la when they when they let those cop cars on fire and smash all those streets on melrose and all the way down to hollywood boulevard and just robbed all those stores i was like oh you're not doing anything about this there's no no cops are stopping this you're gonna let them the strategy was to let them burn themselves out right i'm like well you've just set a precedent right and it's going to take years to turn this [ __ ] battleship i heard immunity is kind of what they were going for there eventually it'll all be okay yeah i wish you know i was shocked i've been i've been in a state of shock you know and and and somewhat depressed uh about the state of the nation you know and uh and the world that we live in and how what's the answer to all this you know is there an answer to all this and and it has affected me emotionally and and uh and not just certainly not because of what's happened to to me it's just my fear of what's happening to everybody else because i know i'm okay right and uh and i'm in a in a in a great uh a great position to weather the storm but that's one of the reasons why you're okay the the people the the real danger is when the economic situation deteriorates into a place where it's unmanageable and that that's how it is for a lot of people a lot of those people that are looting and robbing stores like aoc something said something ridiculous like maybe those people just stealing some bread to feed their families like probably not but the reason why they're doing it is because they're broke that's there's no rich people out there looting you know they're looting because they're desperate and because covid in the lockdown has put people into this unmanageable situation where they really don't have any light at the end of the tunnel they don't know what to do that's dangerous and so that's where you realize how much economic prosperity is attached to a civilized society if everybody's doing well everybody's fine but as soon as people aren't doing well right more is more danger there's more crime there's more you know and i don't know how that turns around when all these businesses go under and then people have what are they going to start new businesses yeah like how much going on just the number of restaurants that we lost in austin that'll never come back and small but not just restaurants that's the one i feel because i go out to eat every meal but but i know that these mom and pop shops were not prepared for this and uh in any way shape or form and uh they hung on for a minute and they're gone yeah and uh and will they ever come back you know but god you know you hope so yeah but you wonder how you know you wonder how well austin at least they're letting these people stay open with limited capacity and you know make people wear masks in la you can't do anything i mean la's the one place in the whole country where you can't open a beauty salon you can't there's all these hairdressers and barber shops are [ __ ] right they've been closed for six months you see that nancy pelosi [ __ ] did you see that that did how [ __ ] crazy is that lady she she without a mat without wearing a mask i mean you want to talk about a hypocrite the the [ __ ] all the beauty salons are locked down she went into the beauty salon with no mask wandering around got a blowout when no one else could even go to the beauty salon they caught her on security camera they uploaded it and you know what she said it's a set up she she said it was a setup right like they set her up like you know the [ __ ] i don't even have any hair right and i know you can't go to a beauty salon i mean it doesn't apply to you joe literally literally doesn't apply to me at all and i know the [ __ ] rules she's the speaker of the house you're telling me you don't know the rules in your district in san francisco you don't know the rules of course you know the rules of course you do that's so slippery that lady handed trump a giant gift oh yeah it was almost like when uh when uh hillary called the supporters a basket of deplorables i'm like you just handed a man that had a baton a bat to hit you with and not a regular one stupid and then the ones with the barbed wire wrapped around it like a dude had it oh bloody weapon yeah the minute i heard that i was like oh god yeah i thought you're supposed to be smart she's not smart she's just a politician she's just greasy they've just been doing it long enough so they know the the moves to do and the right steps it's like yeah they're all gross it's there's no getting around it you can't you can't survive in that business if you're if you're not gross right you just that's how you get there that's how you stay there and they they they feed off of the fact that they have control they feed off of the fact they have power over other people they have more power than anyone else and that's one of the reasons why she would do something like that you tell me she can't get someone to come to her house and wear a mask and give her a blowout she's worth a hundred million dollars of course she can do that right but she's like i'm gonna white gradient mirror and they're gonna do it for me i'm not gonna wear a mask right i've never washed my own hair i'm going to stroll right in there like she owns the joint it's just like when you see politicians being hypocritical like that lady in chicago the mayor of chicago she's like you know talking up these people in these peaceful protests and everything's fine but then they tried protesting on her block she set up [ __ ] armed guards she said made a mandate you can't i'm not a mandate she just said you can't protest on her street right i have a right to protect my own safety like [ __ ] that's what everybody's trying to do right that's what we're into that's what we're doing that's what we're doing but that's what people feel when they get into a position of power that's the problem with power that's the problem with whether it's garcetti or newsom or anybody dictating any of these rules when someone gets into a position of power it's [ __ ] intoxicating the ability to tell people you can't work right shut it down you know start it up shut it down like it's intoxicating and once you have some power boy it's very difficult to give that power up i i anticipate that even if they figure out a real cure for coronavirus i anticipate lockdowns now for flu i think there's going to be lockdowns for all sorts of diseases that kill a certain amount of people you could you could you might be my might be wrong but you could see it happening you could see it happening because they've set a precedent for them having the ability to dictate whether or not people work and whether or not people are allowed to move freely and do whatever they want because that's what happens when people have power it's a [ __ ] dangerous intoxicant well i believe you're right about that uh that it's a it's a it's dizzying uh how sexy power is and how sexy you feel when you have it and uh in it but i don't think you know i i think we find a i think we find a vaccine we move on or the aliens land i've been thinking the aliens are coming you know i was talking to a buddy of mine the other day another billionaire i got a few billionaire buddies and now you i know how to move i do i know really i think i'm sucking up for a reason they'll tell you in advance with what's about to happen well uh and uh well well this one this guy a particular guy is uh uh really really really smart and uh he has no doubt in his mind whatsoever that uh aliens are uh dancing among us and uh i think he's right past me you know little baby cigars ron white i love those things though why are the dark ones are there different colors well there's this one oh that's not a cigar i know what the [ __ ] that is that's a cdb that we were talking about earlier give me some of that light thank you sir yeah i'm convinced i'm 100 convinced i used to be uh sixty percent and you're up to a hundred yeah i talked to commander framer david fraser one time in my life i could do uh 75 push-ups and i'm down to three you get back up to 75. no i'll show you how all right you got nothing else to do i've talked to people that have seen them i talked to this one guy who was a pilot in the is he the air force and navy navy pilot i believe commander fravor was in the navy and um he encountered this thing that they they call the the tic tac ufo this is a an object that they tracked on radar that went from sixty thousand feet to one foot above sea level in less than a second they don't know how fast it did it because it was literally a blip in the radar it went from sixty thousand feet down to one feet they have no idea how fast it moved they have no idea how it did it it shows no signs of propulsion there's no heat no exhaust signature there's nothing that that has any indication that it's acting in any way like in any propulsion system that we've ever observed before right yeah yeah john was telling me to to watch it uh a show called close that's it jamie just nailed it whatever it was you just found it you just did it oh it's back again there's a little uh folks if you hear there's a little um there's a little strange audio hum that jamie's trying to track down i think it's aliens we'll get this worked out yeah we'll get it worked out i don't think anybody's going to care they might i don't think so so you you if i had to give you a percentage of whether or not aliens are real what's the percentage for you um 81. that's a good number yeah 81.3 that's likely yeah likely i mean how could it not be you know how could it not be uh uh i i you know i really don't even it was kind of odd that he and i were talking about it but he has a really nice plane and he lives in malibu and austin and so every time he moves from one city to the other it happens to fit my schedule exactly right so i'm like that's weird i was going to beverly hills today how about i hop on the plane run i'm on it by myself come on let's go and uh nice so uh when he pops back down to austin even if just for a couple of days you know i hop on and i really enjoy this guy's mind and i consider him a mentor in business and life i know you're talking about john paul uh de georia and uh but he just started talking about it i hear nothing but good things about that guy god he's the best i hear he's a fascinating dude oh yeah yeah you you know if he would do your podcast you think he'd do it i think he would i would love to have him on he you know he's a guy that started selling shampoo out of the trunk of his car you know and uh and sold patron i think last year for 5.1 billion dollars and still owns 60 60 other companies including paul mitchell which you started here's the thing at what point do you stop working when you're that guy never never he never wants to stop he never considers stopping i was so shocked when he sold patron uh because i just didn't think he ever would you know because he doesn't need to sell it and uh but for whatever reason he did and uh and in fact i said something that made him laugh really hard because he told me about it he called me and told me that's how i sold it to bacardi for 5.1 billion and i said well that sounds like a lot of money but it sounds like more money when you realize the 0.1 is 100 million dollars that's a that's like the biggest point one there is right there is no 0.1 trillion that doesn't even exist it's a 0.1 billion is 100 million but he said that uh to watch him watch a show which i never watched because i i think he got an advanced copy of it which was close encounters of the fifth kind is what it's called and uh i looked it up and it was it was coming on something but it hadn't been on yet so i think he just got an advanced copy of it and he said that it'll it'll take every single doubt out of your mind that's ever been there wait a minute isn't that that's a stephen grier movie uh no that's close encounters are the third kind no no that's steven spielberg oh yeah okay steve stevenson steven greer is the guy we had on the podcast before oh that wrote yeah he's a no he's a ufologist air quotes okay sideways face right skeptical hippo phase right blink monocle um um there's a lot of [ __ ] in that ufo world there's a lot of people that are making documentaries and a lot of people that are there's a real good one though about bob lazar called the bob lazar ufos in area 51 i think that's exactly the title of it but it's by my friend jeremy corbell and uh it's about this guy was a physicist who worked at uh area s4 in the nevada desert right um back engineering this craft that the government had recovered and immediately upon working there realized like what in the [ __ ] is this like right away i knew that this was no technology that we had currently available i mean this guy was a physical he was a physicist a nuclear physicist at los alamos labs right worked on weapon systems right yeah and widow and got there and was like what are you guys doing like what what is this and they were basically explaining like these are recovered ufos and one of them apparently according to him was very old and it was from some sort of an archaeological dig that they found and the propulsion system that these things used was that they used this element called element 115 that wasn't even proven to actually exist until i think it was 2013 they uh proved that it exists in a particle collider but this guy was talking about in 1989 and he said that they had a stable supply is that your phone that keeps doing that i'm sorry that's all right it's weird maybe maybe that's the whole problem that's the ufos the um but this documentary is fascinating because the propulsion system that he's describing is exactly the same that commander fravor had described in the tick tock ufo that they found off of you just gotta shut it so it doesn't make noise i just turned it off did you the nobody needs me they do i need i'm irrelevant dude i'm not irrelevant yeah no no no no no stop saying that anyway the um the propulsion system that he described in 1989 is exactly the same propulsion system that they witnessed this tick-tock ufo using in 2007 or whatever it was that david fravor had seen this thing off the coast of san diego so what those people that saw these crafts um that were monitoring them in the military they were saying they see these like every few months they see these things they don't know what the [ __ ] they are they don't know what to do they scramble jets to go watch them they actively block their tracking systems and then they disappear faster than you can look at it just just take off they have no idea what they are they don't know where they're from they don't know what they're doing and then the pentagon recently has come forth and released these statements and one of them being that they've recovered crafts that are not of this world 86.6 i'm up to 86.6 past that later my little cigarillo went out oh no i dropped some dirty tobacco juice in this [ __ ] thing i'm gonna scoop that bad boy out of there i'm gonna keep drinking um but i'm in dude i'm not like 95 you're down from 100 and i'm up to 86. that's i listened to my own [ __ ] and i grew up good stop stop you're about i'm gonna drink this with the ashes i don't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] i gotta turn my phone back on because i gotta show you uh will you guys show me the ufos no the pig the pig whitney cummings pig whitney cummings bang i mean i'm not there's no way you could possibly there it is it's right there kapow there it is yeah that's it that's whitney cummings pig so she was the first person to explain to me those miniature pigs yeah not real no right yeah that's proof right there right yeah how little is that pig well they think they're miniature pigs because they starve them so people buy this little tiny pig they go oh this is a miniature it's a teacup pig and like oh great who wouldn't want that you know yeah just feed it right and it grows to be you know alex ramundo bought three of them and they they he did he lived up in palmdale and he eventually they just got out and then every once in a while he'd see him now they have tusks and they weigh 450 pounds and you know they're run so this place do they recognize that let's finish the uh story we were on which story the ufo park yeah yeah yeah oh it won't go back into the pigs the bob lazar documentary is a must-see i'm directing you you should see it no direct away i love you do whatever you want um but the bob lazar documentary is a must-see if you're if you're curious and on the fence about ufos and i had that guy in here i talked to him he gave one of the first interviews that he's given in a long [ __ ] time and i i picked his brain for hours i'll go back and listen to it he he didn't seem like a [ __ ] artist to me he there's there's some weird parts of it but there's always going to be weird parts when you're talking about literally back engineering something that someone from another planet invented and using some technology that we don't understand and one of the analogies that he had was imagine if you brought a nuclear reactor to the 1400s and introduced it to them which 1400s is nothing 600 years ago right in terms of the age of the universe it's a [ __ ] not even a blink of an eye i think we could just go back to 1800s 1800s we're pretty surprised about a new cure let's go to 1936. yeah nuclear reactor that was his um his intelligence i get it like this technology is it is technology it's clear that they figured out how to manipulate this element and use it to to bend gravity and that's the propulsion system instead of using something that pushes like a fire that pushes against you know the wind and pushes you in a certain direction or a propeller that pulls you into a certain direction instead of that it bends gravity and the way he described it's like if you put a massively heavy bowling ball in the center of a bed right and just sunk everything into the bed that's basically like a very crude description of what this element does and with their this reactor that they have on these spaceships that it literally bends gravity around and allows you to just instantaneously jettison that that ship into uh another position and say stop joe i'm getting the bloodletting draining my blood into a bowl to cure something that i think i've got what'd you say again yeah um i think they've been here forever i think they've been coming down here and observing us and and waiting and it also coincides with uh there's a giant jump in sightings right after the manhattan project right so right after we started blowing up bombs they they're like hey hey these [ __ ] monkeys are faking [ __ ] let's go visit him again they probably got a you know probably got a newswire they probably got a google news alert on their phones and they're like oh christ look at these things look at these crazy monkeys what have they done what have they done what have they done okay 91 i'm up to 91 what are you down to i'm down to 50 we're uh i'm i'm worried i'm not trying to pull you out of it i'm always worried about things that i want to believe if i want to believe it i'm always skeptical right me too i don't want to [ __ ] up your delicious tequila with ashes let me refresh you there fella thank you are you going to rinse i'm over here oh a little rinse i mean this is the job i've been looking for right here made services the only reason why i don't believe 100 all the time is because i know i want to believe 100 so i think that i'm full of [ __ ] thank you sir i'm worried about my own desire to uh believe right because when you want to believe something yeah you can convince yourself of [ __ ] that's not accurate it's tricky right like you know many things you know i was wondering uh uh how trump got evangelicals to support him and then i read the stories about falwell jr and i'm like it all makes sense now falwell junior was going he's afraid you know what i i don't see anything wrong with any of it and then he told that to the rest of the guys and then oh was i laughing so hard you know my my parents used to take me to see um god who what's his name jimmy swagger swagger yeah swagger remember when he got busted oh yeah and i'm like i am the straightest human being sexually in the world uh uh compared to these guys and and i just but but but when this happened i laughed so hard because i just started thinking about him patting trump on his shoulder going hey you know what it's i get it i get it it's liberty university right you want freedom and i was i was just searching for all that information and then it got to the point where he admitted that his wife had the affair with a pool boy that's right out of a magazine that's not even true you know so but but it is true and he goes but i wasn't there watching and i'm like i already don't believe you i already don't believe someone says my wife had an affair but i wasn't there watching i'm like wait what what was that what the [ __ ] just happened what would you say you weren't there watching okay i whatever i did not [ __ ] that guy's pig that didn't do it right why didn't why why'd you bring it up yeah what are you talking about man where's that where's that from i already don't believe i think they're all freaks yeah i mean all the evangelicals that make all that money there's no way power yeah power yeah right way they just stop at the money i used to do stand-up comedy in this in the sheraton sand key hotel in clearwater florida which is the same hotel where jessica hahn uh [ __ ] jimmy baker yeah in the in the uh presidential suite up there oh man and uh you know and he was a it's the same story right it's always the same story and then kennison ended up [ __ ] her yes around comes around but she was on ken is kennison and her were on stern together i think she called in when kennison was there and she was calling him [ __ ] loser he's like you're a [ __ ] right yeah i remember terrible i remember it was so terrible but the the fact that she went from being this lady who [ __ ] this famous preacher to being like this quasi celebrity and this is before reality tv we've got to remember back in those days there was only a few of those weird pseudo celebrities right so maybe the beginning of reality tv yeah in a way yeah in a way that was the beginning well you know tammy fay wouldn't blowing him right probably not not anymore yeah she probably had her to get to the dance yes but but she lost it once she was in she had the eyelashes yeah it kind of stunk one day and she got afraid of it didn't she die from diet coke i think she's one of the people that they go man maybe she i think she drank like 100 diet cokes a day like a week ago i was in what is this uh it's like i hooked up with this girl what does that say jerry farwell jr allegedly caught on tape warning pool boy not to make wife jealous what this is the one i thought you guys were talking about oh yeah yeah yeah that that handsome fella yeah young boy apparently he would watch the the young fella would say that uh jerry jerry jr sit in the corner yeah and watch but imagine if there was a point in my life well i would have watched her [ __ ] him if i was bored and yeah you know you have to be real bored but well for that one yeah i mean you have to be real bored unless i mean like unless you're like unless you are trying to really corrupt your wife you're like i know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna get some guy to [ __ ] her in front of me and that [ __ ] can't say [ __ ] right and now on i could do all kinds of wild stuff like i watched the pool guy [ __ ] you i was in the right arms crossed i got pictures on my cell phone i was watching you suck his dick like this if you want i mean if you really want to corrupt someone to the point where they got to leave you alone with all your deviance that would be one way to do it that's probably the best way if you're a woman because like a one like a woman cheating on a man for whatever reason seems more scandalous than a man cheating on a woman in general and then on top of that i don't know why it seems more scandalous but it does easy joe because it seems like men cheating it's all dependent upon the person it's all on the individual but it's scandalous because it's more scandalous because the man's letting her like there's more threesomes and i'm i'm just pulling this number out of my hat but i think there's more threesomes that involved the wife or the girlfriend bringing in another woman right then ever then a guy bringing in another guy right right like hey you know i love my wife but she wants she wants hey bob she wants you to [ __ ] her so i'm gonna watch that's probably way more rare probably way way way way more because i have multiple friends that have had their their girlfriend or their wives bring home other gals it seems normal now i had a i had a friend that would when i went a friend whatever but the first time i met him was playing golf with him and he showed me a video [ __ ] tape of his wife getting banged by a really attractive huge black guy and he and he didn't even know me and he goes look at this you handed me the camera that's my wife he goes my wife and i'm like that's my issue all right well can i get a check please i'm gonna have to go yeah that's a guy who's he's establishing some very loose boundaries right very very loose very loose for himself too and for your friendship yeah i think he's gonna go real weird with that guy he's already showing you video of his wife getting [ __ ] i was thinking that he was uh trying to rope me into this but probably and uh and if i would have done it then uh he would have gotten footage of that and then boom he'd have liberties with me too yeah you know you don't know what i would have done together right that's what i'm saying that's probably how they do it there's a lot of like sex is such a weird thing in terms of like what's acceptable to some folks is deviant to others and i think there's a lot of uh these people that are uh evangelical types in particular especially that probably they can't hold that standard there's no way right right that standard of piousness they're out there speaking god's word right they're doing it to thousands and thousands of people and it's a powerful position which makes women horny you know and then you start getting these little opportunities pop up that would have never popped up if you were down at the first baptist church of oaxaca right right then uh but now you're the first baptist of the world right and it's probably kind of hot right a woman comes up a real deeply christian woman jerry falwell jr i just tell you i am a woman of god but there's something about you that brings a fire to my loins next thing you know next thing you know you're doing coke right in a penthouse yeah with a big old glass of red wine pouring everywhere baby yeah oh baby you're crushing up pills yeah listen listen no don't sweat that donald trump's my friend i'll call him right now and they were like what no donald trump really mar-a-lago i got a gold card look at that gold card why else would you be a billionaire why else correct man don't you want to party would be all right i should go at the [ __ ] are you doing you just want to be a billionaire if your bank account's full your balls are empty what are you gonna what is the point am i in the way jamie am i [ __ ] up his camera we're uh turning real blue for a second oh it's the aliens they don't like this conversation what happens when you talk about them or the televangelists yeah it's a it's as soon as someone is telling you you know like how to live your life and people are listening boy that gets [ __ ] crazy all right what you can and can't do what god wants right remember that uh hicks bit about jesse helms and he's uh how'd it go it was something about uh that uh they were interviewing his wife after he died and she was talking about jesse's collection of little shoes and oh well that's what's so [ __ ] up you remember when you used to think that pedophile cults were just some ridiculous conspiracy theory you know like oh hey man there's an island and they fly people out to the island they [ __ ] underage girls like that isn't really going on jeff get out of here with this nonsense meanwhile clinton's like well he was my friend we flew a lot oh that's good we flew together it's not a big deal he's a good guy i played golf with him once and uh and he told me a joke it was uh or he set it up as a story so it was pretty good you know and he goes it was a rapper friend that he knows and and uh he was in a maserati dealership and it's all thugged out and the guy goes are you thinking about buying one of these cars and he goes no i'm gonna buy one of those cars i'm thinking about [ __ ] yeah that's an old joke is it well then it's old joke clinton's a hack yeah clinton i hadn't heard it so to me it was just clinton telling me a [ __ ] a story with the word [ __ ] in it so thinking about [ __ ] all right yeah did you ever do that or do you just do that one uh i gotta i got a few impressions yeah yeah but he's one of my favorite i did i had this bit uh that i was doing for a while i don't have you ever saw it about uh i had a new netflix show called ex-presidents high on mushrooms and uh the whole goal of the show was just to get clinton and that you don't want to get bush because he would just start crying all right you know but but and obama probably he knows how to do mushrooms like he'll probably cool with you like that would probably be that big a deal right but but if you can get clinton high on mushrooms like just just get that guy to trip balls right he should have been a comic that's what i think should have been a sax player you know should have been a comic that weiner guy oh yeah anthony weiner yes should have been coming full-blown dumb enough right to become a comedian just sending his dick out to everybody he went to jail for sending his dick to underage people though right right that's what he did but how do you know how old that person is you're sending that big pic too be careful you can only hope careful i didn't know but these [ __ ] perverts and deviants you know i see perverts and deviants that are good speakers i'm like man you missed the open mic night yeah you [ __ ] up you could have brought this to a bigger audience yeah in the wrong business you're in a business where you get chastised and you you lose everything for being who you are instead of like selling out stadiums right instead of people laughing he [ __ ] up bro so you're an arena comedian right i used to be for the great plague no but i mean that's the you know the size numbers you draw when you decide to do stand up is there coliseums and [ __ ] like that did did you ever think that would happen in your life i don't think it's happening when it's happening all right like when i'm able to ignore well most of the time i'm high right so when i'm getting introduced there's a moment where i do not believe it's real and that that moment is always that's at comedy clubs that's at theaters and it's most most certainly at arenas there's a moment where they're like ladies and gentlemen please welcome joe rogan and you walk into a theater in the round and there's 15 000 people there all right it just does not feel real it does not feel real it never feels real but i know how to do it yeah right let's go out and do it like it feels real what's up i've earned it what's up what's up this makes sense yeah this is normal this is where i live it doesn't make sense i think when it makes sense i'm in trouble when it doesn't when it doesn't freak me out you know that's that's when i'm in trouble yeah yeah it uh it may you know when we were doing blue collar i think the biggest one we did was a little over 20 000 at the place where they play hockey in in nashville and uh we'll always have the record or attendance there because we had the smallest stage elton john used to hold it but we had a smaller stage in the middle right so we could fill it up all the way around it and it was packed to the rafters with these huge tv wow and uh and then afterwards we go back to the lowe's hotel and uh and uh there's a guy there from a magazine and doing interviews and my hat is so pumped up i was like well you know oh i said some stupid [ __ ] and foxworthy was just regular humble sweet foxworthy right who never makes a mistake in those kind of ways because that's his nature right he doesn't get drunk enough right yeah i do right i get plenty drunk to say the wrong [ __ ] thing and uh of course so there were just some really arrogant sounding quotes out of that but but how what's my head supposed to feel like after that you know after i just walk off stage of with 20 000 people screaming like a like i'm a beetle or whatever it's crazy and uh how do i calm down from that i don't know how you do i don't know i've never figured it out i just i just shake my head and go wow is that real that's why those rock stars died at 27. you know they didn't they couldn't figure that out and it happened to them young it didn't happen to me till i was in my late 40s not only that it happened to them before it happened to anybody else before them right there was no rock stars before the rock stars so before the 50s and the 60s nobody's selling out 25 000 seats like of course elvis died in the toilet right filled with pills how the [ __ ] is he supposed to manage this thing that no one's ever had to manage before no idea there's no blueprint there is none for us we could look at you know chris rock and richard pryor and steve martin and all these other big acts that came before us and go okay how'd these guys handle it can i talk to them could i could i sit down with louis ck can i sit down with dave chappelle will he tell me what it was like yeah what mistakes do you know yeah how do you what is it like when you walk out it's set with booby traps and i stepped in every one of them i mean it was like i was trying to hit them all i was like clunk clunk clunk really are they everywhere i put a foot block it's fun when you do it with other people chapelle and i did a bunch of gigs and we were supposed to do a bunch more until the covid hit but um we we broke the record of the tacoma dome it was 25 000 people you just said that to be my number of 20 000. i just had it in my pocket right and here you're like i got this i'm gonna throw it on him a dj and you know right he's like the whole thing is so crazy the lights are spinning around and everything and there's a there's a thing that you feel like first of all you like and dave said to me right right before he went on stage like we were hanging out in the back and he's like not a lot of [ __ ] get to do this right he was right dude that was the way he said it was like like man like yeah and dave like me gets [ __ ] up before shows right he's like uh i like hanging out with other dudes to get really high before shows because there's something about that wild ride i akin it to i liking it to skiing downhill when you're going too fast right you know you're in trouble but you can still do it yeah you make it you land at the end shhh you're like whoa that was dangerous because i really didn't have control of that at one point in my comedy career my goal was to be smoking a joint outside that door take a big hit ladies and gentlemen rod white blow the hit out in their face hey at one point in time and then you did it so many times it's like all right yeah it's a fun way to do comedy this just uh the the most fun thing about comedy is not just doing comedy but doing comedy with other people that are also enjoying doing comedy that's why the [ __ ] store is so great right i know that's why we have to recreate that here my friend well you know but you're moving it out to a [ __ ] ranch though do we all get drunk do we all get to live on the ranch you want to i'll set that up that'd be great i will absolutely be interested in that we all move out to the ranch and i'll set up barbecue chunks of property on the lance just for comics how about every comic every comic that's like a legit headliner gets like a two acre plot of land on the ranch you got a nice yard you do whatever you want build a house for you do we got it come on dude we got to do you don't have to [ __ ] anybody but you gotta [ __ ] my wife and i'm gonna film it i gotta tell you i just met her and i'm in she's hot oh god i had no idea i mean i figured she was but i'd never seen a picture of her or anything my favorite person she's so beautiful nice lady got a cool personality and yeah but yeah you could watch i wouldn't i wouldn't care who saw that bring in the pool boy who's got the camera yeah i i i don't really want to have a cult on a ranch but um but i do think it would be fun to have a comedy club out there you know there's this really cool building it's not too far from your house and it's a you know you ever i wish i wish i knew the titles or some of this stuff but it was a cult and they built a theater right over here right next to uh right next to travis you know where we went to see monty montgomery that night didn't you go with us over there to play that theater the little 350 seat i should just explain to people that are just listening sometimes he asks questions to his son marshall who's in the room right so it's like woody who your uncle like what are you saying right now he's my memory here it is jamie's got it one world theater yeah oh [ __ ] the it's uh this guy was a cult figure and he built this for him to dance look at him look at the dude oh look oh my god of course yeah so this is over by your house and it seats about 350 people i did a show there the other night how many people look there it is right there 350. i think so it doesn't look like 350 there that's perfect uh that's the perfect size for a comedy club yeah it is was that guy dead uh hit well the cult dissolved and now they do occasional shows in it and uh is the guy still alive click on him john i don't know click on him down there the lower right hand corner the bottom picture that's him no below it below it below that the one below that below that right there that one that's him that's a cult guy yeah guarantee yeah there he is yeah there's something on netflix now that i watch he just looks full of [ __ ] there's like there's a certain fake spiritual look that's like one of my favorite looks it looks like he would [ __ ] anybody anybody i always feel like with fake spiritual women they're just trying to find themselves i give them a free pass right but fake spiritual dudes i'm like you're just trying to [ __ ] i see what you're doing you're looking for an angle you're just trying to get an angle on some lost women i know what you're doing bro yeah nice abs though huh crazy abs guy must watch his diet yeah do a lot of sit-ups yeah yeah but anyway that building is right over by your house and uh well i don't want a cult building that seems like i thought you did and that's why it gave me this idea you were the one bringing up the kilt ship i'm gonna do it the right way all right out on a ranch i don't know the key to a successful cult is you have no membership do whatever you want you don't have to you can leave whenever you want you don't [ __ ] everybody's wife and you don't take 10 of their money that's the key what's the point the thing they're doing it all wrong yeah what's the point there's no point all right the point is just stay slightly drunk and keep moving right that's that's the point i would like to say you're doing it already yeah yeah micro dosing and slightly drunk yeah that should be the title of your book have you ever written a book that new york times best seller oh [ __ ] ron white the right to remain silent but i didn't have the ability was uh number one it tied for 15th place which makes you a number one bestseller and uh for the rest of your life that's amazing you put it on your [ __ ] tombstone that's pretty amazing and uh basically it was just they had asked me to do it and i said no and uh and then they asked me again and said for this much money i said no i don't have time i'm not going to write a book that's not what i do i'm doing stand up and i'm doing well because it was after everything was clicking right and then they said how about we just copy a transcript of your show and put that in there and then you just add a couple stories i'm like for how much and they said this much and i said yeah all right let's do that so and it i had to go on a book tour which was a pain in the ass and signed books but still it was a new york times bestseller so congratulations yeah i'm also an honorary member of uh harvard lampoon are you really yeah all right what else which was very cool you really good at badminton or something like that uh i'm okay at the ping pong i used to be good at ping pong but nothing was tricky man yeah tricky that's a that's a touch thing you got to be you got to have a ping pong table in your ping pong all the time but i was good at 160 pounds i doubt it at 2 uh 215 i don't think i'm that good i think i've lost some of my twitch i get it it's hard on the knees too there's a lot like tennis when i see people playing tennis i'm like man you only have so much meniscus i know i did you know that's dr phil you know i play golf with dr phil but he plays tennis that's his game and it keeps his knees so focused it's a great game i love playing it that was good too i'm out there it's amazing how much he sounds like clinton but no it's a little different it's different i know it's different but uh but he but that tennis keeps his knees [ __ ] up you know because he's six foot four big guy well he tore his shoulder apart pickleball what is this oh yeah i've heard of that it's they have it in venice beach but like it's a thing that's pop it's tennis for old people but it's popular here in austin apparently so you don't have to move as much yeah the idea yeah look how fast look at that guys yeah yeah oh oh it just hurt his knee too yeah but see once you play virtual reality games this seems like a stupid waste of time wow out there playing pickleball you know you play like one of them sandbox games you ever gone to a sandbox you know what that is yeah it's a virtual reality studio where you go to like a warehouse they strap you up with a haptic suit so you feel when you get hit and you put a helmet on so you're in virtual reality you wear gloves and you you play these [ __ ] crazy games like all kinds of wild games like like you're you're on a pirate ship and the the pirate ship gets taken over by demons and skeletons are chasing after you you're shooting muskets at the skeletons here apparently yeah they do i've seen it i think the original one might have been in austin i believe so but i played it in uh woodland hills out near uh the old the old studio and it's a blast oh my god it's [ __ ] awesome it's so much fun it's so much fun and it makes you realize like you were around when pong came out remember when you had the little turn yeah yeah we thought everything that could be invented had been invented yeah so this is uh this is fast forward a little bit i don't care about these people signing up i can't oh you can't oh okay we don't have all the glitches figured out they go through this thing you put on this this thing on your foot and on your hands and the suit and the headgear and then you go into these rooms and you're transformed into this avatar and you play these wild [ __ ] games and that was an awesome one the zombie one is awesome you're in a house and the house is overcome by zombies and they come falling out of the ceiling and running towards you and you're gunning them down but your weapon's good yeah you can take them out yes their heads explode it's [ __ ] awesome it's amazing yeah you're gunning them down and you watch their little zombie bodies get riddled with bullets it's amazing but it's like when you were when we were talking about playing pong like when we were kids and we were first playing that like this is incredible i'm playing something that's on the tv that is what i look at when i look at these games and i say what is it going to be like in 50 years is it gonna be like 25 years right five years it's going to be [ __ ] amazing it's not going to be pickleball five months right i didn't get that pickleball balls on the way out the [ __ ] door yeah it's going to be awesome it's going to be spaceships and now you're going to be hanging out with bob lazar because we played paintball uh you know which stings right yeah that's that actually hurts yeah paintballs but it's also fun as [ __ ] uh but but this looks like this is another version of that in air conditioning and uh you don't have to feel the pain of that paintball hitting in the rib they have one-on-one like sword fights you fight with each other with uh like modern like crazy weapons type situations and like me my daughter killed me she killed me in a one-on-one combat with you didn't you a little bit all right but it was fun they're fun games man you just imagine what it's going to be like you know doing something where you really can't distinguish like you're real it's fun you're seeing it all it's wild the video's wild you feel it like your chest vibrates when you get hit it's pretty cool but imagine what it's going to be like when you can't distinguish it between this in reality in reality and you get to [ __ ] the thing you're fighting that's gonna happen right for sure that's next oh that's coming the moment they could figure out how to do that like with this elon musk neural link where they're doing that the moment they can figure out how to tap into your senses to make you really feel like you're having sex with like you know tara patrick in her prime and i'm talking all right whoa some super hot what's up james you got to watch that one black mirror episode we were going to watch it that one day and i was like you should watch this at another time but like oh yeah they set up the scenario where it is it's two guys playing virtual reality one's a guy one's a girl and they [ __ ] each other and they end up realizing they can [ __ ] each other and that like causes this whole [ __ ] chaos of problems they both have girlfriend or wives whatever the [ __ ] and they wind up banging each other and they're like who who's going to be the girl though oh boy oh boy oh boy that would be the real question right if you that's the reason i want to go on living i want bridgette bardot and me and uh sophia loren back in the day 66. oh my god yeah back when ferraris had skinny tires the old days the old days people didn't know anything what are you driving now joe i got a lot of cars a lot of different stuff how many i like that my you know i got the i got the 56 corvette oh yeah it would have been raining i was going to drive it up here so you can see it yeah i have that one that's 65 that's the 65 is prettier than mine oh that's a crazy car man yeah that that's the car that i drive around where i can't believe it's mine yeah i can't believe that's really my fault yeah when you bring that up because you know the the parking lot at the at the comedy store is a [ __ ] show but it's a [ __ ] show between all three successful comedians who have great cars and guys that haven't had a netflix special yet but as soon as they do get one they get a car and uh right and then you got uh you know it was never like that you know like that place is filled with like millions of dollars in cars now at least it was before the lockdown yeah right well the old days it was half the parking lot you know it was the the because you had some really successful comics up there and then some great comics that hadn't hit it yet yeah uh all doing shows but we were there the other day there was a ferrari three porsches a lamborghini i was like this is the craziest parking lot i've ever seen like russell peters lamborghini truck was there and i was like this is madness this this i mean it's when it was rocking you know i mean when i say this like the old days but it was really only seven months ago right seven months ago rocking every night fun as [ __ ] it was we were in the golden years i mean it really was as far as comedy goes i've been there since 94. it's never been anything like it is now all right because the internet that's a bunch of your podcast and marin's podcast and all the people that feed it are also working there every single night of the week that they weren't touring and uh you know it bred a place to go have fun and i think it all stems from them their intrinsic nature was always to embrace stand-up comedy and it didn't matter about your insanity so if you wanted to be crazy come be crazy here at the at the comedy store and smoke pot right here you have their own bar right here yeah and you can snort cocaine off this piano shaped [ __ ] thing in the dressing room with the main room it's a mirror a mirror a little piano made out of mirrors that was built for prior to do blow off of and then many people followed in his footsteps and uh but they've embraced that and it made it fun and made the comics feel important you know yeah if you want to smoke pot at the improv you have to go stand on melrose avenue and smoke it in traffic because they don't give that yeah they didn't care like they did it they didn't understand it the same way they did at the company the improv changed a little bit over the years well they got that new they have a new club up there now but i haven't been in it since it was finished yeah it's there's something about the store where they realize that the comedians are why the people are there right whereas other clubs that's why the comics park right next to the door and you park where the [ __ ] you can yeah and uh because you're gonna get something that you didn't even pay for when you walk in here yeah you know you're gonna you're gonna see rogan and cummings and and uh all the best comics in the world joey diaz just rocking the [ __ ] place he has moved to new jersey i talked to him about it man you know he he's one of the guys that uh that that checks up on me yeah you know just to i get a call once a month or every month and a half or whatever from dia just look i'll tell you ron and you feel like he's doing it because he gives a [ __ ] he does you know he does and uh yeah we were talking about as i was like come to austin with us you know we gotta this is what's going on i didn't you know if i finally known about the ranch and the two acres i could have at a mule can we get do we get a meal i'll give you a meal this is what's gonna happen joey diaz is gonna go through one new jersey winter you gotta realize joey's been out there with us since 96. he doesn't know what winter is anymore he's going to go through one of those shitty new jersey winners and then i'm going to call him up in april ready i'm going to like joe really joey has a spotify money's burning a hole in my pocket come on man come on out here i'll sponsor you let's make something happen i got a club going on i want you to do a residency let's get rolling come out here and you'll do it yeah i hope so i hope so i might have to come on a really bad day i might have to fly out there and bend the knee i'll i'll fly up there we go okay let's do it i'll do whatever i can do i'm i'm accepting the fact because there's no comedy right now i'm accepting the fact that he went to new jersey but i'm only accepting it temporarily that's it's like a big like if you looked at my brain like if my brain was a circle like a pie there'd be like a 15 percent sliver get joey diaz out of new jersey that's like 15 percent 15 it's in there man he's the listen he is he's a big factor in uh all this and in the store and in my career and in comedy and podcasting in general he's a big factor because he's the party like when when joey diaz would like and especially me and him together because he knows what a fan i am of his right so when i'm in the room with him he knows how much i love him and he can just be free he can be wild and he knows that i think he's the funniest guy that's ever lived so when he's rocking and rolling and i'm in the room and i'm dying laughing i'm the best audience ever right i love him yeah yeah i just he's just he's a such a unique person he's so he's so unique i don't know anybody like him he's so wild and crazy and his stories are so ridiculous he's just such a crazy person but a good person too he's a really sorry he's he's genuinely sweet i mean he calls to check on me who called to check on me you know he does that he's amazing he's amazing i love him to death i just i he's got this thing he came from jersey he wants to go back to jersey that's good let me get that out of your system do one winter there that's right i'm going to be uh i'm going to [ __ ] be i'm going to take a picture on a canoe like on lady bird lake kicking back with like a margarita go joey what are you doing you're digging yourself out of your [ __ ] driveway come to texas texas joey we got a club the mo i can't do anything until i open up the club and one once i open up the club then i'm going to start then i'm going to start calling people but tim dillon he's going to come out here hinchcliffe wants to move out here red bin wants to move out here we're gonna get a bunch of them out here and once we have a club then i mean it's we'll put up the bat signal and i'm just gonna my my goal for a club is not to make any money my goal is to break even and have everybody paid well and just just just like let's establish a community and let's do a thing in in austin like we were doing in la where we're basically just working on the art and and having an awesome place where people can come to see great comics [ __ ] around and work on material and because of the podcasts and because of us talking about on the podcast i think they understood what the store was for they understood that it was our hub right it was our our our home and that we all we come like with a guy like you and a guy like me and you like we don't necessarily work together you know we you work at your places and then i work at my places and the only time we get together is at a club where we're working on material because you're headlining in these big [ __ ] places and i'm going off of these other places and we need a place where that's like a hub like a home base and that's what the store was for us but i think this that's created because of comics you know that's the reason when i played the store or or the factory or the improv when i played all of them uh or the over pasadena uh ice house i would never ever let anybody come with me not whatever woman i was with not any friends that i had i would not let anybody go with me to those shows because i didn't want to worry about them i wanted to go there and be a part of the comedy community and uh not to be bothered by anything else let this be my time to recharge relax talk to people who have chosen the same exact path i've chosen in life and those are rare but they're gathered yeah right and we have access to them and uh that's why i lived so close to there you know i lived a mile and a half i guess from if i didn't have kids i'd live right next door to that place right well you you could have had another room you know so that and that's what was so precious and drawing you know to me about it is that i got to go talk stand-up comedy tell jokes laugh so hard i couldn't breathe just be around comics yeah just didn't uh and uh you know i always kept it to myself you know that was always my thing yeah you know you're not not me bringing people to see me or my manager [ __ ] you dude don't know you come see me at a big show when i'm not trying new [ __ ] you know yeah yeah i know because if i'm eating it on stage and and i have a friend in the audience you know they feel horrible i don't you know it's not me that feels bad it's them and i feel bad for them feeling bad i'm like sorry you know [ __ ] i knew it i knew it wasn't going to work i've had the same manager since i was an open miker wow yeah my manager found me in boston in 1990 god i wanna say 91. yeah i was basically just just scratching out a living like i would get a few paid gigs but i was basically a beginner you know i'd get paid gigs every now and again but i wasn't were you still shooting pool for money no i started doing that after i tore my acl i hurt my knee and i had to rehab my knee and i had to get knee surgery and i was hanging out with my friend john and we would go to uh this executive billiards in white plains new york because i'd moved to new york to do stand-up because i met my manager in boston he flew me out to new york and or or took brought me out to new york and i lived there for from then on and uh i would go to this pool hall and i started seeing it was a i got just stumbled into it just blind luck it was a pool hall where there was a lot of gambling like high stakes game i saw 10 000 pool games wow how fun just wild wild [ __ ] people gambling and betting money and yelling and all the everyone it was back in the day when you could smoke so like the whole place is filled with smoke and it was like a different kind of deviance that was real similar to the deviance that i had experienced with comics and also the deviants that i experienced with fighters because i had you know i'd grew up in in martial arts i grew up around fighters and they were a different kind of deviant and then then i'm around these pool hall deviants then i realized there's there's there's a bunch of different clusters of people that didn't accept the society standards they do like i don't want to live like that i don't want to do what these people are asking me to do i want to i want to live in a in a free way you know i want to be vagabonds i met a lot of homeless people that i became friends with you know i got homeless guys would sleep on my couch in my apartment like guys who were just pool hustlers they would come home they didn't have anywhere to stay they would sleep underneath the tables at chelsea billiards in new york because it was a 24 hours so when your manager found you what were you doing i was driving limos i had uh i'd quit fighting by then and i had quit even teaching because i was teaching at boston university i had a taught a accredited class in taekwondo at boston university and uh i uh that was that was that was when i won the u.s open i had one a bunch of different like like national and regional taekwondo tournaments and i was basically talking with no instructor and fighting and i was trying to make the olympic team but uh along the way i started kickboxing and i realized that taekwondo had all these [ __ ] holes in it and then i realized that uh kickboxing was giving me brain damage so sparring a lot and then my i was getting a lot of headaches and i was like i think i might be wrecking my brain and then i quit doing stand-up or quit fighting rather and i started doing stand-up and i took on all these other jobs because i didn't want to short i didn't want to shortchange my students so i stopped teaching because i wasn't in i just wasn't into it like i was before i was obsessed with stand-up so i quit my school i quit teaching at bu i uh and i was driving limos and i was working for a private investigator i was driving him around he lost his license in a dui this to this day one of the funniest people i've ever met dynamite [ __ ] dave dolan is one of the funniest [ __ ] dudes i ever met in my life he goes smoking joe it's dynamite [ __ ] dave dolan he remained my friend till the day he died he he died a few years back of cancer unfortunately but he remained my friend to the date well actually he had he had a bunch of medical issues he had a stroke a lot of [ __ ] went bad but um great dude but remained friends with him to the day he died um but uh he was literally one of the funniest people i've ever met that never never did stand up and what's funny is his cousin was bill downes who was one of the owners of the comedy connection and so just randomly i i [ __ ] took i uh answered an ad you know we're talking about 1988. i answered an ad in the newspaper someone was looking for an assistant for a private investigator and i was like whoa that's a good job i'll be insistent to a private investigator that sounds exciting but really he needed a driver because he lost his license on a dui so i was uh driving dynamite [ __ ] dave dolan around and uh we would catch people mostly it was mostly insurance scams mostly people that were uh you know like they were getting disability insurance and they were still working on the side we catch them doing that but occasionally it was like some guy wanted there was one one guy that dave was following around one guy who's uh his he had this wife that just kept [ __ ] this bodybuilder and uh he would dave would get pictures of this guy plowing this girl and the guy was like okay well keep following her he's like hey you sick [ __ ] he goes i gave you the pictures he goes i'm i'm not [ __ ] he goes this guy wants pictures he wants the pictures he's asking me to keep following i got pictures of this guy [ __ ] your wife we're done we're done buddy you had to meet the guy i mean he was such a boston like an irish boston character and he was uh and he's a private investigator never wanted to do anything else he loved it loved it loved catching people yeah yeah there was a guy in my golf club in atlanta that was a private investigator and and our uh our assistant pro ended up going to work for him this uh we had these two two uh two really big guys both named uh was it jason they were the two jasons and uh one of them ended up being colt ford uh you know who that is colt ford yeah that sounds like a character tom selleck i know it's uh he was a country rapper and uh and when he i i'm i'm he's teaching me how to hit there he is cold called forward look at him and he he looks like holly joe prater yeah he told me we're hitting balls and uh he had a pga tour card for eight years he's an amazing girl really yep damn and uh he uh he and his show is fantastic and people love it get an affliction shirt on uh right there's a few pictures of me out there with those yeah it's very unfortunate back in the day but uh but i'm hitting balls he's working on my game and he goes i'm really a rapper and i was like can i get a check one of those other i have a lot of can i get a check please in my life and never really spoke to him again on a serious level but i was gonna do the tonight show and uh man i knew that uh oh uh god damn i can't believe it i can't think of his name my brain's been just skipping so bad today um but anyway who was it that was on that show with uh one of the biggest rappers uh kid rock no no no no no no no no no black guy been around forever cornrows old dirty bastard no [ __ ] cornrows been around jamie yeah i'm uh i'm looking all over the place you follow black twitter well i could i could no more famous than you can even imagine i can't remember that now i cannot find the i don't know more famous than lil wayne yeah jesus yeah uh kendrick's snoop dogg's stupid oh you're right jesus christ you couldn't remember snoop dogg [ __ ] i know holy [ __ ] you know what i thought it was like something obscure no no no i told you it wasn't i said famous more famous than you can imagine snoop dogg well that's about as famous as you can imagine so uh he he gave me a cd and he said could you just give this to snoop dogg and i was like no i put it in my pocket and i didn't of course and uh but my wife at the time uh it was she was a 4.7 million uh wife said it's really good actually listened to it i never did and i'm like and the next time i see him he's on the cover of pole star magazine and i'm like really and uh so he would tour with these big country acts because he could teach him how to play golf and the crowds loved his [ __ ] country rap and then a lot of these guys started implementing that in their songs and it was all because of him and and then he wrote some huge hits for other artists that had a rap country background to him well he he created it and he ended up making a lot of money and uh but he was the the pro why was i telling you the story to begin with um rapper rapper um golf no no we had passed through there's no way you could figure it out if i can't figure it out because i was the one going there dynamite [ __ ] dave dolan no yeah right uh private investigator private investigator right so but it was the other jason that was the private investigator there was two so okay but one of them ended up in a really you know really good sized country act that made a lot of money in publishing and that was him and he was my assistant pro he still plays in all the uh pebble beach at t stuff with uh with larry the cape that's pretty wild some would be that good yeah no he was apparently i didn't give it a chance you know and even to this day i've never really got one of those games where you can be like ranked number 20th and be a multi-multi-millionaire oh yeah ridiculous yeah right just bawling out of control most people don't even know who you are yeah eastlake's going on today so the big uh the guy that wins this week that the the prize purse is 15 million where's that at east lake in atlanta georgia oh okay i don't know like i know well i'm saying it like i'm just telling you you know yeah east lake well you know okay well i uh okay i'll give you that you don't know you don't know i don't know anything i'm a professional sports commentator that's one of my side gigs and i don't even know the rules to most sports yeah that you know that's the weird thing is that uh people don't people just think of you as famous i mean my son was a huge fear factor fan the first and you came back and did fearful we're just talking about it and then uh but a lot of people don't know you do the other thing right the oh the guy from man oh the guy but most people i would venture to say don't know you do stand up more than they know you do other things i just don't want your most famous friends you're right the podcast is probably the most famous thing i'm affordable of course of course now because it's gotten to this weird place but yeah it's uh i do a lot of [ __ ] but i tell people they're like is easy good and like rogan and as a comic because i only see you as a comic i don't see you as the voice of him hey i don't see you as anything but a comedian uh you know because that's what i watch you do you know i'll watch a fight you know and love it if you're commenting if you're not it's not that interesting and we were talking about that earlier you know if rogan doesn't say it it's not worth saying you know didn't he get heard in maa you know mixed martial mma i don't know i know where he said i'm telling you i just don't know that much about it like you don't know much about golf i don't know anything about all i know about joe the comic i watched go on stage at the at the store and just ripped a gut out of these crowds and it's so much fun to watch that i don't really think about the rest of it now like i said when the first time i did your podcast i had no idea well i i like doing a lot of different things i don't think i'd be the same person if i i think i have a unique mental illness that i i need to be constantly stimulated with different challenging things and if i'm not then i make problems for myself you know then addictions and weirdness and i'm the person that needs to i need to have challenges all the time i need puzzles and you have things to solve i need to have stuff to do yeah that's my unique mental illness like so when someone says like why do you do so many things like because i like being happy i like being sane like if i if i don't i just figured it out over time in my life that if i don't have things that challenge me like if i don't get up early and work out if i don't do something that's hard to do i'm not the guy i can't sit around yeah see now that [ __ ] bothers me i can wake up with nothing to do every day that's why i've settled into this retirement i got to tell you i have not hated the last six months of my life when i had nothing to do at all not even thinking this is the first thing i had scheduled to do in a half a year and i would and i was a little resentful of it this morning it was raining and i'm like i got to go do something you know i got to go do something that's the first time i made a commitment so if i tell you i'll do it of course i'll do it right i'll get there early uh days we're here yeah great days early and uh all week but uh but but outside of that i've enjoyed this time off but i'm also older you know i'm older and i've you know uh uh you know i'm at a retiring age you know that that i've kind of settled into it going this is not that bad my wife taught me how to go on vacations i wasn't good at it yeah i needed i needed to learn how to just accept the fact that i was just not going to do anything and just have fun and be on the beach and just drink and just relax and just swim and do whatever the [ __ ] you do at on beaches but i've gotten good at it apparently i'm better at it than you you know i'm better at it now i'm a beginner yeah i used to think of it as like i see some pictures of you and mcgraw out in uh cabo with no shirts on going what the [ __ ] going on here yeah you know having fun yeah well you know what i learned i learned how to relax you get sometimes you you think you i used to think that if i took time off i was losing progress this is how psycho i am yeah i'm like i'm losing i'm losing i'm going to get i'm going to get out of shape my martial arts is going to slip my comedy's going to slip i'm um all i'm not going to be doing podcasts that's going to slip i had this sickness that way then i realized that as a healthy per the happier and the healthier i am as a person the better i am at all those other things so the more time i'm hanging out and just having fun if i can do that and just recharge then when i come back i'm better so every time i've come back from a vacation i've been more enthusiastic when i'm more enthusiastic i'm always better at everything i do because there's more there's more positive energy more appreciation you know right so that's how i look at it so i i haven't i haven't hated this time off i don't like what's going on with the country i hate what's going on with the country i i wish i missed the days when people could just disagree yeah i mean that's the truth isn't that the truth we can all go privately into a voting booth vote for who we vote for and the next day we wake up and see who's president you know no fight was necessary we all did what we were put here to do which was to to to go vote and and after that you just accept it and and go on change what you can if you can if you can't just [ __ ] go on with it i haven't hated it either uh but also like you i'm probably a little further along and laughed at uh then i'm like you know i don't really feel like i did so much of it maybe that was enough maybe it was well but if you're gonna build the [ __ ] ranch and i get two acres and a mule and a [ __ ] four acres all right two mules four acres you heard it write it down everybody write it down four acres whatever you want whatever you want we'll make it happen i want a plow with a seat on it that's what i want i'm gonna plow with the seat that's what i want the idea is just to do something crazy and have fun and i already done that by moving out here and then just packing up that was a bizarre move dude that was a bizarre move i you know it's uh i like bizarre moves right don't you don't let uh don't let joe think you can't still surprise you you know i i like doing things you're not supposed to do i like doing like i like doing things like this like just [ __ ] pack up the whole thing and doing it right when we're moving to spotify right so it's this big crazy deal and then there's all this controversy behind that looks like a tax dodge and uh it's a little bit of that for sure i don't i definitely don't like paying that much in taxes i can't uh i can't tell you how surprised and thrilled i was to hear you were gonna move to austin and uh and be my neighbor because i'm i'm out of uh i'm out of l.a i'm selling the house and yeah and uh beverly hills and and i'm like oh good this is gonna work out fine we're gonna have fun out here man we can have a lot of fun out here i really think so i like i like your vision of the of the austin comedy scene to come and you know what there's also a lot of really good stand-up comics in austin for sure always have that and uh they're they flourish and these open mic nights and uh i know that they're listening to this conversation right now going i want to help them i want to i want to get my five years in and get my acres and yeah i just well i really do i want to help them i want to help them the way i've i've tried to help a lot of up-and-coming comics in la and get them on the podcast promote them and the idea is if we open up a club when we open up a club i should say is to have these local guys come in pump them up let people know let people know there's a real scene here there you know yeah and and help them and help them help them flourish and help comic not just austin comics but everywhere you know bring them into this place and have this be a hub the only reason why la's a hub is because of a the comedy store and b hollywood and i came to hollywood because i had a tv deal but really what i wanted was to be at the store that was mecca to me i had heard about it when i was in boston but when i came to the comedy store in 94 was a [ __ ] i mean the comics are terrible it's like every now and then martin lawrence show up or damon wayans or dom herrera or dice clay but for the most part it was a lot of boat acts it was a disaster there's a lot of people that just had old terrible jokes and it was just i was like this is the store it was very disappointing but the the place itself drew people it drew people there you knew that that was the place where the real comics went and they made a career out of it but the the this world is different now like for a comic if you get a television show it's actually like oh you're poor bastard like you you could have had a podcast like you could have been okay you could have been your own boss right you could have i mean and now a lot of comics are realizing they don't even want ads anymore they always just want to do patreon they want to just have have podcasts and and put them out either for free and have uh you know get youtube ads or there's a lot of people trying to figure out what's the best way to be free but for sure the best way to be free is not to be connected to the hollywood machine because the hollywood machine is all woke now and it's completely ridiculous and everyone's full of [ __ ] and you we're not actors man we're different things right you know it's cats and dogs living together we're [ __ ] different things you know we can act we can do it we both have but the reality is you're a con i'm a stand-up comedian yes and and i am as well and there's a lot of us there's a lot of us and we don't need that machine what we need is a machine that we create ourselves and we did that a lot one of the reasons why the store worked so well over the last few years because it was fueled by podcasts fueled by everybody like i would tell people hey you gotta see this kid frank castillo he's hilarious tony hinchcliffe this guy's coming up joey diaz the funniest guy ever ron white's the baddest [ __ ] that ever lived all these people and we would all talk about these people and tell these crazy stories and then everybody would remember and then they would come yeah we were they were they had international tourism to the comedy store people were flying in from ireland and australia they should have been and they should have been right because that's how good those shows were they would come in on a tuesday and see one of the craziest lineups you've ever seen in your [ __ ] life yeah when i was in one i mean you've got a million of these stories and it was it was you and louis ck and bill burr and uh madness and and and me and it was just crazy madness just [ __ ] crazy sadness in one show for 14 [ __ ] dollars that's madness you know how much it cost to put on that show out at the ranch nothing zero yeah we're doing it for charity at the ranch charity i that's the the idea is to do something at the ranch where you build a theater with the concerts for charity and then have a club in town yeah oh satellite club a lot of these places on sixth street are gonna go under unfortunately unfortunately there's a lot of places that are going to go under because no one can work you know and i i would love it if they all stayed open but some of them are not going to be able to and so we'll scoop one of those there's uh yeah there's going to be uh opportunities for you to put something in this town that'll matter yeah and let me make a promise to you my brother i'll be there to support it you know even if i don't tour anymore i'll i'll come do the club isn't this exciting talking about it really you know [ __ ] it is [ __ ] hiding right yes that's why i'm here i i like exciting things all the things i'm interested in are exciting i like bow hunting i like stand-up comedy i like fighting all these things are exciting things right like exciting things and i think i can do something here that's exciting i like smoking pot and watching cartoons and doing stand-up i like smoking pot freaking out that's what i like to do i like getting nervous i do my my favorite things about smoking pot is being paranoid yep people the thing that people get terrified of and they run away from it's one of my favorite parts of being high i was i was nervous about coming and doing this show today really yeah why i was telling my son i said i don't know i haven't felt nervous i can walk on stage at the radio city musical definitely you know doesn't flutter my butt is what i do and i'm ready to do it prepared to do it and i haven't even thought about interacting with anybody for you half a [ __ ] year you know and uh so you know it's your new place and you're in town and but uh he goes daddy's your friend he'll pull you right on through to the other side which of course you know we did we already threw the other side sorry 315. we're beautiful it's beautiful perfect it's wonderful we're covid tested yeah yeah you know the funny thing is that i took the antibody test and then the nose swap and uh so the antibody test said you've never had it but you might have it so i had to do the no swap so i'm going over two days but the nose swab the thing about the antibody test is two indicators one of them is whether or not your body is currently fighting the virus right so there's one is whether or not you beat the virus and one whether you're currently fighting the virus so you know you're not currently fighting the virus i feel good so according to the doctors a very low possibility that you have it and then we we eliminate that with the swab right but not before you and i hug i don't give a [ __ ] right i take vitamin d i'll give you a little bit we're going to be coughing i'll give you a hug right i've been coughing a little bit but uh i'll just quarantine myself for a couple weeks eat vitamin d gummies right all right just tell me which vitamin d you want me to take i just want you to take 5 000 ius a day minimum that's what you should be taking it's not that much and when you eat i have these vitamin d gummies that i chew all the time there's like i think you take three of them it's 5000 ius it's not a big deal they're small gummies it tastes good it's easy to do is there any carbs in them because i'm watching my car ah there's probably like one gram of carbs no they're probably gelatin no they're right that's horse hoof right yeah it's it's yeah it's it's basically fingernails right and hair yeah it's good for you protein collagen yeah not bad for you so i'm in a good relationship i really like judge no you tell me yeah we'll go out to you that's exciting yeah it is that's exciting because you're always in these train wrecks right and you know yeah she's really uh really really uh pretty she's my age and uh and uh i think that's important yeah i've al i've never chased young women right so much you know that that's too much work the uh but uh she's uh she she she came down we started hanging out in the covered thing but we'd seen each other before and and uh and uh one night we go out to eddie v's and we have this really nice table eddie v's is great oh i love it yeah that's a great old-school place right so we have this really cool table in the bar it's these two people it's really cool i'll show you the seat you'll take your wife there on her on a big night so uh and she's got a long black dress i'm wearing a jacket and you know we go back to the my uh condo which is a really nice penthouse with these gorgeous views and uh she her son and was a grappler and her and his her grandson is a grappler and she was a gymnast and she said for whatever reason she wanted to fight i think i can take you down oh no and of course that's how you break a hip i i laughed so hard that i couldn't she probably could have taken me down because she's five foot one and she's a gymnast right she's a little bitty and i said no i could pick i would never ever hurt you for any reason so if you want to come beat me up come beat me up but if i didn't care about hurting you i could throw you into that table because you're little and i'm big right right then she attacked me and she did she came at me shoved me back and i mean she a gymnast that does uneven parallel bars strong like a chimp like a [ __ ] champion except she was on me in my center leg spread [ __ ] pushing me back wow and i and i was like from now on i'm only going to [ __ ] women i could kill all i'm going to do i'm going to say let's let's determine whether or not i could i'm never going to do it right i would never hurt a woman but i would like to i understand have the option if they went nuts and just jumped my ass to be able to [ __ ] beat it off and you know live you know and provide and all those things that a man needs to do i got a buddy of mine who got obsessed with jiu jitsu when he dated a girl who was a black belt and she they they sparred and she tapped him easily and he was like what the [ __ ] so he became obsessed with it because his girlfriend [ __ ] him up right right defending himself right well jiu jitsu is one of the rare martial arts where a woman really can kill you like 100 percent legit like if you you know you know what it's the same reason i don't have a pet lion that's i just don't need it in my house i understand right i don't need it in my house yeah i get it don't take it the wrong way ladies i'm just saying yeah all those killer ladies out there like [ __ ] right what's wrong with me i thought i had them tell you no no planning on cornering them right but i mean i know that you could still share and bob at my ass right you can still wait till i fall asleep and then i'm gonna right lorena bobbitt was it lorraine yeah john bobbitt and lorena bobbit she cut off his dick yeah cut his dick off he was sleeping and then he stitched it back on and did porn right how good was that sewing job not good it was like about how good i would sew it up oh really it didn't look good i didn't see it you looked like you know what you guys go down the rabbit hole oh you look at the video i don't do any of that stuff i i watch porn on my [ __ ] uh ipad that's all i do i don't go any deeper than that pre-viagra porn too so you know because it didn't look that good to begin with no and it never really got hard it was just a mess right she sliced it off and threw it on the side of the road they had to wait a while before they found it and then they had to dust the dirt off of it darkness and uh darkness right yeah i just don't need that in my life i don't need it in my life either right but i've had it in my life i've seen a lot of things i shouldn't have seen but i if someone sends me a link i'm like all right you're going in let's see let's see what's up oh somebody was over the house uh no it wasn't i was at the radio station in new york and the guy's showing me a you got a video of a guy [ __ ] a snake and i'm like okay all right can i get a check please [ __ ] snakes that's going to be the name of my next mouth no no the check the snake [ __ ] he's got a big anaconda wow okay i'm sorry i even said it i'm sorry i upset it he's he's [ __ ] a snake can you pull that up i can't i'm sure i could i'm just saying let's not show it but let me just just show you i guarantee there's many people before him that have done people just go down the cue hole rat hole you know and uh yeah they definitely do yeah and if you can name it there's a guy who's [ __ ] it oh yeah blenders guys are [ __ ] blenders yeah right tables chairs right that's why i hate balls anyway that doesn't matter i'm not gonna go there i get it but that's the problem with the internet is you find out you mean everybody knows someone who's a [ __ ] [ __ ] but you don't realize how many of them there are until you really go online and start searching you know i i was sitting in uh i was having this place worked on or i was preliminary i was staying down to vanzant has some people come up comics that i've known for years and one of them starts telling me a story about hillary clinton and her pedophile ring and i'm like what and this was probably three years ago and uh and how the pedophiles the the far left uh right left wing and they there there's a pedophile thing and i'm like what are you talking about and it was early q anon stuff it was those same conspiracy theories that are coming out now i was hearing those three years ago and i thought it was just one person's i mean where'd you go to learn this behavior you know all behaviors learned right for sure we're all the products of our environment like what environment did you put yourself in that made you think that this is true when you know the other day there were four of us playing golf and all four phones hit an amber alert at the same second yeah and and everybody knew exactly what it does we picked it up and like there's a missing kid somewhere that's a beautiful [ __ ] thing right and uh but but now there's these pedophile rings and tom hanks is a what the [ __ ] i don't think the tom hanks thing is true i think there's a lot of people that are just really dumb and they get involved in conspiracy theories and they believe everything and there's a lot of people out there that are sowing misinformation there's a bunch of russian trolls and bot accounts and a lot of chaos and sowing seeds of doubt in our democracy and life in general and trying to tell you that all the elites are [ __ ] lizard people that are running things behind closed doors with satan but for sure there's guys out there that have [ __ ] a lot of young girls that's for sure yeah and that's what that epstein shit's all about and that's what's so spooky about it was that it's prominent politicians and scientists and celebrities and they all flew out to [ __ ] island and it's real right and then when the guy's in custody with [ __ ] security cameras and the whole deal he he hangs himself in a way that's physically impossible yeah yeah and everybody's like well huh no more need for further investigation it's unnecessary if there was anybody else involved in any other thing and they died in that way we would look deeply into it but they basically just just tried to let it go past in the news cycle yeah the point where no one's thinking about it anymore well you know the the interview that uh prince uh andrew wright uh yeah it was there you see that interview when they're interviewing him and the reason he thought he could pull that off is because for years he's been royalty right so everybody around him were just yes man so he's got footmen and whatever and they're all going oh exactly right sir oh no i can't believe someone would make these kind of accusations against you oh that seems like perfectly normal behavior exactly and but turns out the news people weren't those people at all right and how do you not see that coming you idiot [ __ ] because he's an idiot [ __ ] the only reason why he's in that position at all is because one of his uncles [ __ ] one of his aunts and then yeah right blah blah blah blah blah blah and then there you are you mean it's a bloodline thing it's not like an earned position because you've really worked really hard to get there you don't become a prince because you've kicked ass you're right you kicked prince ass and uh for years maybe you even get a phd in princeton no you you just became a princess for your whole life man no absolutely how about that prince harry and meghan markle isn't that crazy like it's crazy that it's on the news feed every [ __ ] day it's important everything they do it's important it's important to everything they left the castle oh we have to go why did they do it are they crazy but i can tell you why they love the kingdom because there's no way you could bring an outsider into that world and have them do anything oh they signed a megawatt netflix deal i bet they netflix what are you doing what are you doing haven't you learned netflix you've made some big boo-boos stop it netflix if you think about making decisions like this call me up first me no i'm talking to netflix oh i'm gonna i'll get them high and i'll pull them aside and go listen this is not gonna work you're gonna spend a lot of money right no one's talking about buy another ron white special that's what i'm talking about yeah what what these people are is like this they're good for snippets in the news they're good for you look at the google newsfeed like what are they doing oh they're actually they're extradited from the kingdom no one cares about them anymore i think you're 100 wrong i think that the people will watch this crap no matter how bad it is if it's connected to this guy and this woman people will watch it and they will continue to [ __ ] go oh my god look at the kardashians you know they're not a talent one in any of those people wait a minute did you watch her sex tape you talking all this [ __ ] did you watch her sex tape no well you should have then you wouldn't be saying she doesn't have any talent really was it good it's very good how was it yeah enthusiastic i watched that paris hilton lame little i think i think that family all [ __ ] aside no jokes is the mother is very skillful in the way she's managed them that's what it is well something's beating us about it because nothing works better than this you know i was doing a show at the improv or at the uh mirage and they had that little kardashian t-shirt shop yeah right there as you remember that mm-hmm one of the ones you haven't even heard of was going to be there and there was a line 300 yards long to get into this what's now a soap shop and i i walk by that that's where i work i'm there 10 weekends a year more than anybody and that's my place and i stay in a villa right back there and i and one day i walk in there i'm just looking around the kardashian to see what they got they got towels with kim's likeness and stuff on it and they they said sir you can't come in here with the beverage i'm like what do you think i'm gonna spill a coke on your towel okay i think we could probably but anyway they made me leave and uh they [ __ ] made me leave and quite frankly well it's they've figured out a way to keep people interested and keep people talking about them and yeah i just got through doing this that's how good they are i just got through doing it yeah we're helping them and then the mother but but here's the thing about kim she's done some legitimate amazing work in getting people out of jail that were wrongly accused that's why i don't make fun of her anymore except the thing i said about her sex tape but other than that i thought you were saying something really nice about her sex tape you weren't dissing it that you were saying that i felt like that she was go at it thank you very much but she's really done a lot of like legitimate good to help people get released from prison that were wrongly accused well you know what the problem that i have is sometimes i talk about things and i don't know jack's [ __ ] about him i just make up a funny thing to see in my head and then later i end up going well [ __ ] really i didn't know she did that me too but i did i i saw the woman that she helped get out of uh prison and i thought that was a yeah um we've had a couple guys from the innocence project on here i love the innocence i love that series no it's uh it's amazing and she's a douchebag that guy that was doing the tooth my [ __ ] uh was that guy it was on that he was convicting people from tooth oh tooth by him yeah it doesn't work but there wasn't a bottom imprint and then he was sending him to prison and let the other guy that was killing kids go free yeah well josh dubin who's one of the guys who's been on this podcast before he has a uh podcast called junk science um it's uh about the innocence project about wrongly convicted people because of junk science about like bite marks there it is wrongful conviction junk science bite mark evidence and this is uh this is josh dubin who's been on the podcast before that guy made me cry like a baby telling me some stories about people getting out of jail that were wrong i wasn't trying to make you cry but i could have you know but i just chose not to okay i got i took i'm taking it a different direction threatening me i'm not threatening you joe i'm just saying that if i wanted to make you cry right here in public like you were crying that night at the improv and i was wiping your tears off tell me about austin where am i gonna go i'm gonna come with you i don't know if i could live in texas but i have to move everything yeah i'd have to move but it's too hard i'll be there i was all in dude i was always i was so [ __ ] thrilled i'm like how was it you heard the news coming out of my [ __ ] voice the day i found out that uh joe was coming to town and i'm like and and then i write you know what i knew jay was coming but i didn't know he i don't know if he's really coming because nobody i talked him into it somebody's nobody's selling their property over there they're just getting a place over here he'll sell his property there eventually i'm like come on man what about you are you going to sell the place i saw my place yeah yeah yeah i think i'm staying here i like it a lot i felt i felt real comfortable real quick real quick i'm only been here a little over a week right i [ __ ] love right you're brand new you're new neat i already got a studio i'm all set up you got a badass studio i got jet skis i think you could have built it in an airstream you know and saved the money that could have right right but it's moved it around you know i feel like um this is a better spot for me and again it's like practicing what i preach i don't think we need to be connected to that machine out there that hollywood machine that's well we know you don't nobody does right because it's a bandwidth right yeah same thing you could do it from anywhere it's that you could do it from anywhere but it's also what really serves the comics what really serves the comics is the podcast industry the podcast industry goes where the podcasters go right so let's bring them all here yeah you always have the ability to move my number you know by saying something on the internet which you were always willing to do and and uh you could see it and you have people coming up yeah i heard it on the road yeah i'm like good i'm good sometimes you're just lucky right i'm lucky you're my friend a lot of guys that were friends of letterman got to do letterman all the time because they were his friends right whether they were that good or not they they got to do it over and over and over and over and over you know i've watched a few of your podcasts everybody was more interesting than me you know i used to be a comic you keep saying that i i used to be a comic too that's horse [ __ ] you're a comic you're ron [ __ ] white man don't ever say that you need to stop saying that once i get you up at the club come on man you're gonna crush you're gonna tell that story about those that's what i'm waiting for i'm waiting for the i'm waiting for the club once again so we'll search that they will come as soon as we get this mayor out of office just kidding as soon as we figured out a way to open up these clients we have a meeting under the bridge yeah no we got a bunker we don't need to go under the bridge we just need to get good clubs open tests as soon as they come up with rapid testing and some more uh terrible therapeutics you're right yeah you're right we'll be all right people want to go out man they miss it they miss it bad i miss it i miss sitting in a club watching other comics almost as much as i miss doing stand-up i miss it everybody and people that are just fans they just have regular jobs that used to love date night go out to a comedy club have a great [ __ ] time right have a few drinks laugh their ass off they miss it but we're going to add bad ass barbecue to that [ __ ] yeah yeah you got it yeah we just got to make weed legal here god damn it people i know it's kind of legal all we have to do is continue to work in that direction because it's the process of evolution right i thought i thought that texas would probably sell uh medical marijuana before oklahoma because they're so much more conservative it seems yeah but now it's flourishing like crazy yeah and uh did the money get out of it right texas doesn't need the money because of oil but and just other things but but eventually it's going to make sense to texas you know it'll be laughed upon in 15 years or 10 years or five years as a prohibition that was so [ __ ] stupid like it is in california like it is in california you can't even imagine i remember the day that i lived in i moved to montecito i'm down at this head shop i want to buy a piece i just bought this house with a big view of the world and uh there was a guy there with a skateboard he was waiting it was going to open in 15 minutes and he goes are you you got your license you're going to get pick up some of my herb and i'm like what and then i spent 20 minutes going what what has he explained to me that marijuana was legal in california i didn't even know it and he goes yeah what you do is you go down he goes where's your license it's it's atlanta he goes oh yeah that's okay just go down there apply for a license they'll give you a paper license take that to this doctor and in one hour you'll be back here open that door there's 15 kind of what what are you [ __ ] what are you kidding me and i walked in there and he wasn't kidding it was [ __ ] 15 kinds of gorgeous bud ice cream that made you want potato chips right i'm getting fatter for sure and all the hash hash will all this stuff and i buy all of it i spent two grand and i do i spent two thousand dollars and i go back up to the house i'm there by myself and i got my new bong i'm pouring this and this taking this hit that hit off this eat some of this [ __ ] ice cream which they didn't put a real dosage on you know but i'm just [ __ ] i'm so [ __ ] and then i start feeling weird right and i go wash my face and i lay in my bed and i start going montecito's a trap it's a trap oh the drugs here it's going to ruin my life i should take all that weed and all this stuff flush it down the toilet i'm going a bug this is a horse and then like an hour later i mean they're going so what else we got in here don't do it all because that doesn't work and uh it's got to get past the rough spots right yeah but i always like to get too [ __ ] up and come down a little bit right to kind of wander into a buzz that way well when you come down a little bit you feel real thankful you're not as [ __ ] up as you were an hour right yep and i hope an hour from now yeah you know i have those feelings yes those good feelings good feelings of survival i think you have to feel like you're going to die to really appreciate being alive right you know i've i've had some uh really [ __ ] low spots in my life and uh in the touring career when uh literally i had joint custody of my son when he was two and a half years old and they were like okay here you go and i'm like oh nobody's going with me or nothing and i just have a baby and that's that and i'm like okay i have a van and i i plop marshall down in the uh in the in the car seat next to me in the van and go uh okay here we go and uh and we took off across the [ __ ] country and going to comedy clubs literally i would walk up to waitresses before i went on stage and went could you just hold him about 45 minutes really and uh is he out there being held by a waitress and while i'm up on stage doing stand-up comedy that's crazy and i'll tell you the funniest thing is he's a brilliant young man and but uh here's how smart he is we're at the south county funny bout and uh and uh he goes uh dad because every once in a while i'd bring him on stage right and go here's my baby get that vote right it's an easy vote to get and uh and uh he goes dad i i want to come to the club tonight but i don't want to go on stage i just want to hang out in the green room and i said this club doesn't have a green room and he goes oh it's a funny bone right and how amazing it is to put that together that funny bones are shitholes and they don't have [ __ ] green rooms right at least the one columbus doesn't right but none of them do there's not a green room in the [ __ ] bunch yeah and he realized that at two and a half years old two and a half years hilarious yeah it's a funny bone he's two and a half oh my god that's funny but that's how he you know that's how he's raised and i took him down to mexico when i started making pottery and his mom who lives you lived in mexico for a while right but this is before blue collar comedy right right before right before what what brought you to mexico i'm impetuous dude um i would the the funny bone cut my pay by a third because they realized they could and uh and uh and really they took away a lot of the airfare so it was really almost half and and i i told them to go eat a steaming bowl of [ __ ] and and uh my girlfriend at the time was a artist sort of person and she was doing this mosaic tile application of pottery and then she would take it to these fairs or whatever and sell it and she just sell it all in two hours but the fair is three days it took her six months to make it and so i thought why wouldn't you just go to mexico and hire a bunch of women to sit around and she orchestrates it and they sit around and make this pottery and then you have a bunch to sell and that was the whole concept and so i went down there and i had um i was living on a lake lbj right up from you and i sold that house and and uh i had the biggest truck rider makes pulling the biggest trailer rider makes and i had my van that marshall and i toured in and the biggest trailer that they make behind that and that was everything i owned and we went straight down to mcallen texas and moved into a trailer and then we moved then i found a place in mexico in reynosa mexico where abraham answer is who's a great golfer who i love to follow and uh we moved into mexico met a woman named munoz and irma knew everybody she was like the matriarch of the entire subdivision there and uh there was a tortilla factory that had been abandoned and i rented it for 100 a month and it was a wreck and i had eight inches of cat [ __ ] in it they went in there and cleaned it all up and we started [ __ ] make a pottery and pottery pottery and uh i remember that two of the i it may have been the two sons of not wasn't here but one of the employees were the little kids and they were marshall was five or six and and they were four and three or whatever and they were fighting and marshall went out on the front porch and went alto and uh because that was a word he knew and uh but uh they didn't stop but he still knew how to command him to stop and uh so we had a glorious life i spent my evenings [ __ ] sawing tables and building [ __ ] and they were making pottery and i was sweating how old were you back then 42 or three maybe and that crazy so you had toured and you kind of like settled into this idea that i'm just gonna be here in mexico making pottery yeah yeah but you know but but foxworthy and i had been friends for already i met foxworth the first day i did stand-up so so he goes why don't you come with me on the weekends and and open for me in the big shows right so he'd gotten big enough to take somebody with him and he picked me to take with him and uh so i would go out and make more money than i'd ever really made before my life opened up for foxworthy on the weekends and then i'd fly back from we'd be on a private jet and then we'd fly back to atlanta and then i get on a plane to houston then mcallen texas and then drive across and to mexico have i ever told you the tomato story no so my mother grows these amazing tomatoes that were so good the property she lived on which was in buda which is just south of here was a peach tree orchard at one time in a cattle farm at one time but the soil produced a tomato that you could just eat over the sink like an apple they were so good and clearly the best i'd ever eaten and boxworthy was so in love with these tomatoes that he would call because mother would send him a box of tomatoes every year when does the tomatoes come i mean use the ripening on the vine okay you'll get your tomatoes when you get your tomatoes and uh i'd been out on a run i picked up a comedy club that wasn't a funny bone and then a couple of fox worthy days so i was gone for two weeks and mother sent me the box of tomatoes and uh all the money that i'd made i already owed to the people that worked for me right and uh i didn't owe it to him but it was coming up right i was gone i didn't have any money and uh so i stopped in macau at the post office and they bring out a big old soggy [ __ ] box and i know what it is i know my mother sent me the tomatoes and they went rotten in the [ __ ] post office while i was out doing stand-up right so i said ass tomatoes you know throw it away and and so i get in line i'm exhausted i've been traveling all day long literally all night and all day we'd done a show in seattle flow back on a private plane to atlanta to houston hadn't woke you know just beat up and i get over to my house and uh the phone rings and it's my mom and and she goes did you get the tomatoes and i said mother i've been gone for two weeks and the tomatoes were rotting and she goes at least you got the hundred dollars oh i get back in my car drive back to america drive to the [ __ ] post office go back to the dumpster [ __ ] open the lid crawl in it and start rubbing through the [ __ ] rubbish until i found that box ripped it open and got that hundred dollars put it in my pocket and went back [ __ ] home that's how much i needed a hundred dollars wow i dig through a dumpster to get it and uh i forget where we're at right before that um but you were in mexico and that's you were doing pottery yeah opening for jeff fox yeah and then well basically then you know the uh blue collar comedy tour came up you know because the kings of comedy were doing such huge numbers and foxworthy was like you know why don't you why don't we do another version of that you know for a different you know uh marketplace and and uh he told me the concept of the four of us going out but i didn't really know what the king's comedy were doing you know i wasn't playing golf with him back then and uh you're making pottery in mexico like a pottery in mexico with beautiful stuff this is pre-internet turned out it was heavy and fragile which is a horrible combination that way i really hadn't thought of that i didn't really think the whole thing through i was like what about this it is crazy though that it all popped for you at 42. well probably 40 you know 44 45 and uh before that came out right we did it but that was all jeff's money right he paid me great to do it but it was his thing right it would have been nothing without him ever we couldn't have sold ticket one without foxworthy and that and even if it was just sting ball it didn't work at all we tried and but we just cut the guy making all the money out of it and uh give the money okay nobody shows up so um yeah so he's i think foxworthy is one of the most underrated comics ever i really do that you might be a redneck series genius brilliant yeah if your family tree does not fork right and it was all so long i mean those jokes were so long ago but it was such a great hook and something that you can just do it over and over and over and over but there was so much to him besides that right and to this day you know he's just somebody that when i talked to him uh we were both doing little clubs in atlanta warming up for something else and so we had dinner together and uh you know i don't know eight months ago or whatever it was and and uh it was just glorious to sit down and talk to somebody that was so generous that the first day i ever did stand up he told me i needed to put the punch line at the end of the joke and then i said how you do that or whatever stupid [ __ ] voice i was using that day and and he sits down with me brand new comic with a piece of paper and a [ __ ] pen he goes all right how's the first joke go he writes it out himself in longhand and he underlines this part and this part in this part he goes you're what you're doing is instead of saying this here you need to say it here right because if you say it here you're stepping on the lap by doing the end of it now i can't imagine now how you would do that wrong or not how to do not know how to do it but i didn't know how to do it then and he was so generous he just sat down and showed me i've been doing stand-up for four minutes and he and i had a guy that good going okay look at this just think amazing just think about this if you do it here instead of here what happens stare at them they'll laugh and then you can move on to the next [ __ ] challenge wow so that's how uh that's how much he's in i've never heard anything but good things about that man no there's nothing there's nothing but good you know a great human being uh dear dear friend count on him for anything he's a big time bow hunter too you know he's a big time hunter he uh he he and everybody respects him as a hunter you know he doesn't take out a lot of deer during the year you know he looks for trophies and if he doesn't see him he doesn't shoot adam you know he doesn't old mature deer that have passed their breed inside yeah yeah that's what he looks for that's how you're supposed to do it and um you know and i've never been into that he's always tried to get me to go and i would probably go with him i mean i have no reason not to you know except i'd have to learn how to shoot a bow you should come out here and we should shoot some pigs they have to get rid of them these wild crazy pigs so the pigs uh yeah the pig stones don't think about whitney's pig put that in the back of your head so jay and i were gonna do uh who was the hanging judge jeff yeah there he is what's he doing in this video jamie i was just hunting i just found a hunting video he's just outdoorsman hunting something right there that's a nice deer it's on facebook yeah he's out there whacking deer so anyway jay and i were going to talk we're talking about doing uh who was the judge west of the pecos here and uh so we were talking to this director i feel stupid for and i know his name famous director lives right here in bastrop uh who did [ __ ] my brain's just not working today i can't catch up with all of it and uh but he owned the he he actually had also some pigs that he put into this and he wanted to do a reality show about the the pig ranch and bastrop and so jay because he can produce anything right he's got a great production company and uh so he sells it because this guy's the director [ __ ] who's his name oh i can't believe it sorry give me a movie the first movie that uh mcconaughey was ever guessing on this the last bit yeah richard bam jamie right out of the [ __ ] gate yep he's a mentalist um so we we pitch him the the the judge roy bean story but jay's there to wrap up the deal on the pig ranch the pig rescue right so we they want to go over there well now i'm part of the [ __ ] team right i'm like [ __ ] yeah because i want this guy to direct this right because if he doesn't it's a hit and he's sold for sure he's an amazing director uh and we go over there and and it's huge and it's nice too the pigs are 800 pounds some of them can't hardly move have arthritis take some 30 minutes to lay down the last pig and uh this is a thing no oh something different no that's not the last pig good luck with that there's a lot of pigs but anyway we make our way around the whole thing and and they have footage because you know they have all these cameras out of of pigs that are in the wild walking up to the fence going how do they get in here they're [ __ ] eating sandwiches and [ __ ] laying around in the mud and then there's people pigs outside the gates going what the [ __ ] is this i want in now you can't get i wonder if you let wild pigs in if they revert to being like domestic pigs because if you take domestic pigs and they go wild like you were talking about your friends pigs they didn't grow up tusks yeah and they think they were fine yeah i don't know but anyway we make our way into the house with it which the the guy that runs it is runs a big construction company he's got a lot of money but but his wife uh looks like the chick from pulp fiction that that goes nuts that has all the piercings and stuff and oh yeah yeah and when i walked into that environment i saw her and i'm like she's set to pop don't do it so yeah she's about to pop her [ __ ] weasel right i think that's my feeling about the whole situation i get it and we get in the house and they're gonna sit down and talk about this deal we sit down for about three seconds she goes i'm out of here she walks out the door slams the [ __ ] door and i was like i saw that [ __ ] coming i didn't tell anybody right but i did see it [ __ ] coming i'm like this girl's about to pop i've seen it i've seen it you know crazy right you've been around crazy and then yeah and he goes she's not coming back and uh i'm like yeah she didn't look like she was coming back she looked like she was anyway i said i'm gonna they said something about they need to talk about the deal and i got a joint in my pocket i've been dying to smoke for [ __ ] hours and i'm like oh yeah i'll just be right outside here and smoke but but before they did that there were four pigs that lived in the house and one of them was whitney cummings pig and they brought whitney cummings pig out to me and gay and i held it and it squealed like i was [ __ ] it but i totally wasn't i totally wasn't i totally wasn't but i definitely did not watch that man [ __ ] my wife yeah i already don't believe you i already don't believe you oh that's a powerful statement oh so anyway then there's that story brown white let's wrap it up we did it wrap it up we did it my brother another beautiful podcast thank you thanks for uh making me come here yeah part of the reason hey you know you i needed to stop you from crying i'm like i'll make some promises i'll pitch in you know do much do my thing i knew there was a spot where we could be together yeah all right yeah i was trying to steal you back from mcgraw you know i'm like my two friends kind of went off together and i'm like oh i see a way out now it turns out he's moving down here he can vacation with us too well vacation when it's legal again i got nothing to do man come on come on you got something to do once the branch opens up yeah absolutely figure out what to do with your four acres two mules yeah i love you ron white i love you joe rogan all right bye everybody good night you

Channel: PowerfulJRE

Views: 4,688,321

Rating: 4.5718565 out of 5

Keywords: Joe Rogan Experience, JRE, Joe, Rogan, podcast, MMA, comedy, stand, up, funny, Freak, Party, Joe Rogan, Ron White, JRE #1534, comedian

Id: 1mgN8r1mwvM

Length: 173min 42sec (10422 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

I don't watch listen to much of Joe but holy shit I think the guy has ADD. The guy just says his billionaire friend believes there are aliens walking among us and immediately Joe goes on about a cigar. Like fuck Joe just shut up for a minute and let this guy tell the story. Then Joe starts going off about a tictac UFO his buddy saw like stfu and let your guest talk

[u/Not_Reptilian]

They walk among us, and look just like us.

[u/F4STW4LKER]

Jesus Christ Joe, let the man speak.

[u/calgiannis]

Dennis Rodman

[u/Randy_Dandy666]

Billy Corgan says someone he knew shaped shifted in front of him. Didn’t want to really even talk about it but finally told some of the story about the incident. I’m sure some are among us not sure it’s many but some perhaps? Maybe hybrids?

[u/Tkx421]

FYI the Billionaire was "John Paul Dejoria"

[u/cruleshoes]

They look like they are getting toasted🤔

[u/WTFsince89]

I like the fact that Joe brings the UFO topic from time to time to his show, but in the same time he is very bad at it. For him everything reduces to Bob Lazar and David Fravor story and everyone else is schizophrenic or weird for talking about it. He also likes to mock the term "ufologist" wich pisses me off, like being a comedian is such a nobile "job" that requires a lot of study.

[u/chunpi_in_the_binpo]

Ron “Tater” White?