Jeff Foxworthy - Men Don't Care About How They Look

[Applause] here's Jeff Foxworthy thank you uh I really have nothing left to talk about I was backstage watching the guy before me and my ax kind of down the toilet at this point it's uh oh the free shorts right there the guy's looking at him like Hey these might fit and hi how you doing tonight let me start off by telling you this is my real voice you're not having a hehw flashback this is the way I really talk I am from Atlanta Georgia I don't live there now I uh I moved to LA a couple of years ago and uh I never thought I would leave the South but I I started doing a little TV and getting on the air and then mcken folks said Jeff move away from there and can't believe you laughed at that honestly what can I tell you is going on with me I just found out two months ago I'm going to be a father for the first time I'm really excited about that thank you when my wife finds out she's going to kick my ass I swear now she knows believe me she is going through some physical changes now she is wearing the bra from a Camaro now you know not just for the support but it keeps the bugs off her blouse it's yeah I've been married about six years I love my wife to death I like women a lot and I don't know a whole lot about you girls I I seem to know little things things like um like I know if you give a woman a little basket of seashells they're going to put them on the back of the toilet I do know that I don't know why but that's where they go they go on the back of the toilet you never see a toilet on the beach but you will see a beach on the toilet and if they don't have real seashells they buy the fake soap ones but you're not supposed to wash your hands with them this past January I drove cross country with my wife I learned something on that trip a woman's job on a long trip in the car is to sleep and control the heat and air conditioning every time I try to sneak the window down she wakes up and goes roll that up I'm cold like why don't you hold a pan of muffin so we'll have something to eat when we get there five days of Harley saw she was buried under all these jackets and blankets once a day I'd hear her voice where are we where in hell that's where we are we in h just crossed the river sticks two miles ago now the only fun I had on the whole trip was knowing everybody that passed our car on the right hand side was laughing their ass off at her doing that openmouth jell neck [Applause] headbob They're laughing at you and you don't even know it and don't get me wrong you need a woman on a long trip in the car you need them cuz they always have food hidden away and they can keep you alive well see men don't want to stop for food men don't want to stop for anything cuz men want to be able to get there to walk in the front door and go made it in 5 hours 18 minutes 3 minutes faster than last year didn't even stop for gas pulled up behind a tanker truck we hooked up with him had the kids pee out the window and here we come [Applause] buddy like a lot of women she takes a long time getting ready but but she's smarter than I am so no matter how late she is she can keep me right there on her schedule this is her best trick right here you're not wearing that are you no I ain't wearing this it's just what I'm wearing where you're getting [Applause] ready and being a man we have no idea what's wrong with it we try on everything we got what about this a sweater and a bathing suit what do you think about that huh I got more hold on I'll wait back it amazes me as little as men know about fashion girls you still ask our opinion about stuff we be ready to walk out the door my wife would say something like honey which earrings do you like better the white ones or the black ones oh hell I got a 50-50 shot at this I'll say the white ones the white ones now I've got to change this blouse no never leaving this house crap I got to shave again when we're men we just don't care as much about how we look you never see a guy picking up his buddy to go fishing at 5:00 in the morning going damn bill you ain't going to wear that shirt with them shoes are you it's after Labor Day for crying out [Applause] loud she worries about stuff she has things in that bathroom The Vault I call it because the door is always shut and whatever goes on in there cost a load of money I snuck in one she has things on one shelf for dry skin oily skin chap skin combination skin have you ever known a man with combination skin I mean let's say somewhere out of the construction site hey Donnie drop the hammer come in a trailer now Donnie I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but you have dry cheekbones and a greasy forehead it's combination skin Don and I didn't want to say anything but the men been laughing at you calling you Mr flaky face same thing with smell she asked me every day do I smell good like the way I smell see cuz if men have an odor it's usually an [Applause] accident Charles what is that uring fragrance oh that's Michelob but hit a bump in a truck both sexes care about smell they do but women will go to trouble to smell good and men are more like hey does this stink too bad to wear one more [Applause] time maybe I should put it in the [Applause] dryer I think women feel a sneeze coming on every time before my wife sneezes she reaches in her purse pulls out a tissue see men have no idea we're going to sneeze we could be riding a bus somewhere be like what oh man I'm sorry about your shirt you can put that in the dryer that'll be all right there God bless you take care of you I was in the airport those treadmills they've got a huge because Americans are always saying things that there's not that much proof for you hear us say things like U we're number one

Channel: Just For Laughs

Views: 1,024,815

Keywords: Just for Laughs, JFL, Stand Up Comedy, Stand-up, Stand up, Comedy, Funny, Comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, You Might Be a Redneck If, foxworthy, jeff foxworthy jokes, jeff foxworthy show, redneck jokes, jeff foxworthy, jeff foxworthy standup, jeff foxworthy stand up, jeff foxworthy comedy, jeff foxworthy comedian, standup jeff foxworthy, stand up jeff foxworthy, comedian jeff foxworthy, jeff foxworthy just for laughs, jeff foxworthy jfl, Jeff Foxworthy Men Don't Care About How They Look

Id: Z4UtjVAjTuY

Length: 7min 54sec (474 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 07 2015