Jay Leno Job İnterview On Johnny Carson Display 1988 & Lenos Headlines 1997 Component 1 Of 2

okay my rehab tonight the Raquel Welch is here Ray Anderson Seattle who was voted by a as they say a group of his peers has to be the garbage truck driver of the year for a nice honor and this guy whom you all know has been a done a done a terrific job of sitting in for me here he appears this Friday and Saturday nights at the Universal amphitheater here in Los Angeles and he has featured ladies and gentlemen an honor that comes to few people this month in to magazines Playboy and Popular Mechanics look here's Jay Leno change that music okay we gotta get some new music for a play on huh no that's his oh that's us right doc doc wrote that for me really you wrote it and copyrighted it and gets paid every time you mention let's clear this business up right away two magazines that's right in one month Playboy and Popular Mechanics you might say I'm using my tools very effectively that was better than movies yeah you kind of went yeah around that one David way excuse me they're popular make a nice oppose this has to do with your motorcycle alone on my antique motorcycles my antique jokes and label and uh nice stuff in here and but then that magazines been around for years no pardon me I'm sure and playboy Ben are you yeah I'm unlike most people I read playboy for the articles and I enjoy the pictures in popular mechanical up screwdriver Oh I'm a happy guy you know ah how long you've been at this motorcycle business let's talk about that cuz they scare the hell out of me now I know she'd come for a ride something you know I should take you for a ride on the back we should go tour through Malibu really thank you George you got a big blanket you got a lot of a lot of bites I actually have about 17 bites a lot of old ones a lot of new ones but uh see the strange thing about ride a motorcycle is people you don't even know right I'll just feel obligated to come up to you and tell you some horrible motorcycle story that happened to somebody they know you know I'm standing the mark the other day got my helmet in my hand this guy just says you're animals I go said yeah I do yeah Mac uh Deneb one of them thinks drove head-on into a sashing machine with got his face sheared off he won't be shaving for a while I'll answer the tip you know why do you think that is obviously people who don't like them and never whatever I mean I suppose there is a certain antisocial attitudes from which among some people think another one Brando in the Wild Bunch you know motorcycle go but actually it's great for LA just go zipping through traffic um you know yeah I'm thank you for we should go for ride I'll get you settled weathers and we'll go really oh I think that would be a great a shuttle stuff from every will get you the studs yeah whatever you want I'll do that if you all take you a flying do you like that actually I like to go flying I mean I went with the Blue Angels yes fun yeah okay we'll do that anyway you've been doing this thing now sitting in here for a number of times what happens I don't know a lot of fun it's great has it changed the attitude about people who see you who are you predominantly for clubs and then television came along and well before you would get recognized by people who know comedy now you get recognized on the street you know this is I mean system people who watch the show don't like comedies how would you sell no know what I mean I mean recommend for for people who like comedy I don't know but I mean if you follow show business and you're insured in show biz I mean if you get recognized like in the market so my give a perfect example I'm working on one of my bites I got the motorcycle it's about 50 years old and I'm going down sunset with it I'm going through Beverly Hills and Bing I lose a keeper on the valve spring it just pops off so go great now I'm stuck and I'm at Sunset Boulevard and cars are whizzing by and I'm looking for this little vial spring keeper and one of those Hollywood tour buses comes by and the guy slows down he goes Oh Jay Leno Jay Leno fills in on Monday nights with Johnny Carson folks are the bus stops and the guys got the big speaker Aziz so Jay what are you doing I said well I lost to keep her for a vowel spring because what they look like I said well it looks like this one here you go come on five four three bring help Jason all these people have seen a Rapids and been all over the place and they're all over sunset now traffic is backed up you know people just stop cuz the bus is stopped dead and people like this looking for my veil spring keeper you know I hear we're in a cop pulls up you let's call out is anyone injured I said a guy doesn't missed a lot of losses vows but it was just like a Hollywood movie the cop slow burn now did you ever find what do you call this a it was a keeper for the mouse we find at my own the spring yeah oh god I got it home again I would have mailed you and I got a drawer full of those what the hell is a keeper for a mouse well it keeps it it has what they call hairpin valve spring oh good it fits on the valve it's a lip on then it popped all now you know to carry one of them bring one next would you will do this and what's your return folks you alright you and dot can address similar in the fact you can't aware those what they call unstructured unstructured that's what happened when you don't put them in a wooden hanger I said they're coming picket they become unstructured yeah well would you still do are you still going around doing as many club dates as you did before yeah I'm on the road quite a bit I would like to be on the road don't you well I like to break the jokes in you know if you try them out around the country and then you do them here then you get a pretty good gauge of uh we don't have that what's going on yeah yeah yeah it is you know the worst part is just you know I fly almost every day and the airlines have this cocky attitude I had to go to Chicago last last Friday so have my ticket my boarding pass to his name but I always called ahead of time I call me and I said hi names Leno I'm on the nine o'clock flight LA to Chicago tomorrow just want to double check she's ok so I'll check no no we don't have a nine o'clock I said no in a minute I said this Leno alia no nine o'clock a lady Chicago gets in about 3:00 3:30 I'll check against her no great I said no I'm thinking jeez what am I gonna do I've gotta be there five o'clock through the local news I said well what's the next thing you have she's we have a 902 to Chicago did you know that'll get me in much too today everything between the nine and a nine Oh engines falling off roofs appealing back if that thing left by noon I would have been commended I know to fight well you know I had to go to I had to go to this is the strangest thing I had to go to Toronto so I'm coming through customs now you people you know you hear all the drug smuggling and how are the drugs getting every interrupted not too strict I'm in show business yeah I carry to carry bags the guy says to me a citizen in our country United States any birds any plants this is no go ahead go ahead that's it any birds any plans I mean uh people smuggling macaws of the other state and excluding parador's Anka meeting people going any birds no but okay what's that any birds any planet would you take a bird two-handed how lonesome can you get keep taking it to just fly over himself the hotel jelly plants are plants I like and now we don't go through your luggage don't know that's it that's all I got oh my god like somebody who was really doing something would say anything yeah you know I'd understand it you you visit home much I mean you get to see the folks quite a bit they come watch you yeah they knew actually I'll see them again next week when I got home I I wasn't he do stuff about I remember when I was working in clubs a lot and I would do stuff but growing up and so forth and my parents were there I was very conscious of it I wasn't conscious at all that they weren't there but I under something you're talking about growing up and then in your and your gun going through puberty and so yeah well the stuff that happened with my pair we have a good family have a lot of fun but it's so true you know my folks are my mom is 41 when I was fun so my parents a little bit older so the generation yeah like I'm home at Christmas time right so I'm home to see my folks I was sitting watching TV you know you watching TV would shoot foley watching Matlock or something you know you sit there watching my folks have the same TV they had when I was in high school this 1948 Bendix water-driven this huge television you know you turn it on it takes like five minutes to warm up but it does it about 20 mins you feel a radiation on your faces mom dad only gets your new keep you all know they're too much bugger get you a nice new fancy colors oh no that color business who can be bothered with it I said no will you just let it so I get him a new TV and I show him what it's got the remote control you know cuz my mother she get up all a change of channel you know and sit back then I said look here's how use your Mon control my mother when you went anything about Tommy she gets that look now people look when they listen to a dukakis speechless please the whole thing buhbuh buhbuh so I go home at Mother's Day you know Mother's Day I'm Bank visiting my folks is sitting there watching Matlock and he was a repeater the one we had just seen listen I watching TV in the show ends my mother gets up to change the TV should oh you know and she turns I said ma so my where's the remote control huh what I said the remote control oh gee your father put in the drawer then I said I said why don't you use the remote controls you want ya might cause a fire it's a bolt of electricity out you know she thinks if she aged the TV and mrs. she's gonna blow up the bars it's got a phaser mom because my father comes right in he said I put in a draw to save the battery saved is your 77 if you have lithium batteries I'll buy into the center it is true and I'll tell you what it is you may go through that as people get older they become less trustful of things like that my dad was the same way it's a wonderful man we used to sit around because mechanically he just I sent him a Polaroid camera because he wouldn't take any pictures you know when he had 35 so if I says I'll send him a Polaroid I get no pictures I call him but then I said I thought dad was gonna take some pictures it is too difficult for him I said mom you see the red button here you press that it throws the picture in dad's face I mean it comes out spits atcha he didn't want a fool with opening the camera so don't you stick bring the drawings but never picture my yeah my dad is I bought my dad actually same camera my my father can't get it to work he doesn't read the directions he calls the president of Polaroid you know my boys on The Tonight Show own he sent me one of your damn cameras you can't work it oh okay we'll be right back stay where focus Monday night time for headlines oh I am not familiar with this product but apparently this is truth in advertising look I can believe it's not butter this is Shalom kosher quality butcher apparently I guess is Jewish chicken different look I'm not familiar with this is a coupon for four-legged chicken rare and what that is this doesn't seem particularly advertising pear this is how they tenderize the meat this is the hickey smoked bratwurst you know airlines give you less and less now as they always try to build it up seem like you're getting some huge deal this is from horizon air announces look at this old guard Circuit says restrooms for the exclusive use of our passengers I get that homeless guy out of the aisle of the plane what's he doing there the mouse is going to be on the plane home for the 4th a pet show I like the little underlining request live pets if you have a dead pet don't don't go dragging it into the show and I it is a typical thing of the times we live in it says get rid of birds bats and squirrels without harming them look at the end up not harmful they just hate the odor and move on to your neighbor's yard lovely send them over to your neighbors I saw this item in the paper in 1996 Cuba's government said just over 1 million tourists visited and that they spent about 1.3 million so each tourist spent a dollar 30 essentially a wall around should they really you know what you get the t-shirt it all adds up really the the hats you get the camera you know this for me cost they raised the price because you're a true look at this one oh my god hold up it says skip Kincaid a forest consultant Kirkwood uses global positioning satellite receiver last week to pinpoint the location of a tree you know you might want to look over your left shoulder skip there's seedless watermelons apparently someone put raisins in it keV I know you're vegetarian every I have this this is brawny paper tuna yeah you know people that do drawings for ads they're demented these are cartoonists that can't find work other I want you look at this ad look at this ad for this woman's blouse no is there a third hand in there I'm sure you're all familiar with venetian blinds he said do these to keep deer from looking in your window because venison blinds if you live in a rural area I always have that the little deer working on investment with the venison blind that that'll work hmm chucky cheese these people be any chance here look at this chucky cheese free tokens large pizza $19 look what you get free air conditioning shut up the prep star comfortable entering draft twelve million dollar shoe contract proceeds players first NBA basket was that play google in his name he's first last name keV I got this one especially via Holyfield Tyson to memorabilia look at this Holyfield actual bloody water bottle plus gauze from the ear yeah but look at the bottom line serious collectors only shut up line wall here you go this is the personal column of the paper active mail looking for females for companion in date two or three times a week but for athletic-type neat and trim nonsmoker excellent pain benefits I believe that's called a hooker Campbell's fought brothers honored in prowess for an insemination feel yeah there you go this Phil and Dave how'd you like one of those boys and some of it yeah yeah come on in girls so what's the problem gals you know here's a nice story about a man who is a genuine war hero but you know that you know the newspapers just telling me more than I need to know this manager genuine hero in the Gulf War says see it says a sweet taste of freedom comes to captured Harry upon and fellow prisoners now look at the caption on the caption look at the caption Berryman is wifely who is expecting triplets three boys later this summer like her dad they'll be circumcised too right so I need to know that really in the man is a hero do I have to know that now this is from the Welcome Wagon you ever seen they sing welcome especially for you new in the neighborhood across when you only went when you meet new people the first thing you want to do of course is get a complimentary pap smear hi we're strangers when we get pap smears how is that handsome one more okay this one this what I thought was interesting this is dual speed pumps and zone J this is - this is a jacuzzi and of case that you're not interested look at this woman's hand is in the ad time for headline now here's how you can tell it's a slow news day you know Kevin did go through these papers trying to find interesting stories look at this fascinating story soap and water still clean I like this one County Fair and Rodeo draw large crowds look at the caption people come from all over the enjoy the weather you don't see anybody you see one person enjoying the rodeo there anybody there this is from I guess Huntsville Alabama you know I'm gonna let you read the headline you're yourself how can you make this kind of mistake how could you not you're the editor of the paper here's James W Mays orthodontist look at this none of this two pictures can read the caption says this is the same patient treated with functional jaw orthopedics and braces well I'll tell you apparently it took about 12 years for this do a quite a long involved process yeah you know I don't know a lot about women keV you know I have problems medical thing women's things I seemed a little unusual since women are you bothered by hot flushes fleshes here's a place from I guess this is upstate New York this is the new China restaurant buffet and I like the gamma couches real Chinese from New York City that's how you can tell it's real Chinese Little Caesars Pizza $4.99 read the fine print for delivery please call two to three days in advance what's this one here you go Father's Day spent you know I you know keV I love Italian food I'm Italian I love them too I'm not familiar with this it's a chicken broccoli with zip wine sauce bad cream sauce I'll save some of them oh hey guy here you go yes this one made me lamb look at this why would you go here the Three Mile Island tanning salon I think you're about that a sweetheart no I want to come out you know here are people with nothing to do here's someone here's someone why you would come up with the fact that you have time to dream up this idea turn your upright vacuum into a decorative you why would I want to turn my vacuum into that stupid-looking animal magic wake up the middle why you forget that's at all well it's theirs here this is the single stupidest thing I have ever a long until this headlines ten years this is Kevin here you go it's close that you brought you this is the single stupidest item does let you practice your putting in the potty and it's sort of tasteful and we gotta send away from it we gotta get you I mean if you've got that kind of time on your hands heard you you're probably turning your upright vacuum into an enema that's my favorites going on the wall here's something here's something a lot of folks might not know so if you have one of these specialist says electric chair could be extremely painful hmm we get a lot of ones like this Clark shuns gunman and attempted robbery if you've seen that man apparently he's a that's his suspect apparently he's a beekeeper with a baseball cap now can save another minute here oh man toilets golf is the the in Amish door see the Amish do things a little different look at the honeymoon suites featuring go down those see honeymoon suites featuring separate bedrooms I decided and who doesn't like a good hot dog you might want to try these Sigmund's top top feed friends yo Park with delight when you uh one more all right okay I'm just gonna having fun one more here you go here you go here's a play here you go this guy's be very careful when you go in this shop whoo it's the pms firearms company all right tonight Copperhead water Hill ahead Arthur Jackson 5 may reunite for tour 9i all over my cold axon has had had cosmetic surgery I didn't know other member you know Jermaine I you smelly with joy yeah sure apparently he's had quite a bit of surgery they look see it says Jermaine someone sent me this this came from my guest toy this is a Barbies country ride bike you can buy a bike for Barbie I look down the bottom it says you good says most dolls cannot pedal bike so that's the really stupid job yes obviously for somebody who lives in Hollywood it's the hooked on phony state I love this edge his Chinese chicken salad made by Mexicans we gonna buying a car who you can go wrong with a 93 Pontiac lemon what's up a little room here but you still want a Pontiac how about a nice Pontiac fireplace oh maybe you're in a cult and you'd like a nice car here's a 94 Satan oh here's a Levin you look at this extra-large nursing uniform never been washed well here's a big ad for somebody's white elephant sale can you go that part that's underlined Ellen their jockey saw shorts stained close to now dat right now only 96 cents Oh a couple of stains what are you we got here where's my favorite one somebody sent me this they said I look like I was on a box of pancake mix I don't know does that look like me you know when I was a kid they used to sell something called x-ray specs on the back of comic books remember that insure the guy be like looking at women you know x-ray advocate Oh what if they still sell those they do but under a different name now they're called fluoroscope vision I love it back you can see the bones in his hand but go back Helen yet he sees women naked couple of interesting ones you know what does this one hint when I wonder you know when foreign companies try to sell products in America and they don't do research sometimes what sounds nice in a foreign name doesn't work in America this is doodoo toilet paper you know it's very important if you ever get prescription medicine it's very important that the doctor explain how it should be taken you know and doctors don't necessarily to us do this and I guess it's more of the pharmacy like look at this medicine this guy sent me this prescription it says inhale 1 vaginally every two to four and finally oh this comes from s from Scotland apparently they have different expressions you go British Open rivals hope to break win time for headlines he's for real headlines from around the country I like this one the white they so shocked federal agents Ray Ray gun shop find weapons now here's a guy office Lee enjoys reading I like this set of leather-bound books writings of Aristotle Tito Darwin and dreams never you see huh I'm surprised you didn't read the Pluto poor Kenny parabolic computer you know how confusing the directions and all that kind of stuff can be I just like little contents I like part two look it even has a spelling checker now the guy that took this for the Florida times-union newspaper obviously a professional photographer you would think the classroom crisis here apparently they have students with no heads why the pizza stuff this week does Fox's delivery dollar off a hole hoagie or wedgie you know I think I think I prefer the hoagie rather than the wedge here his main street piece at Darby Pennsylvania opens seven days we deliver or pick up so if you want to cook the pizza you know if you rather make it yourself without somebody come by and get it but whatever you want we pick up to His Royal Caribbean absolutely the best cruises it looks look with right below it on the same page the Titanic Automobile Dealers boy there's a true name I've never seen bend over Auto Sales I don't even get this one booze Mart West st. Paul's original discount liquor store look at booze Mart do it for the children back-to-school sale and what kids wouldn't want this for back-to-school the family pharmacy enema and this young man is obviously a member of the 4-h club ah it's just the expression on his face doesn't look like you just got caught areas with his prized sheep hey is that a camera there's just the kind of thing that drives people nuts you know Minneapolis firefighter Gerald Brown 55 who was fired 1995 for abuse of sick leave but who won a grievance hearing before a state arbitrator was reinstated with 18 months back-pay scheduled to return to work on june 2nd he called in sick there you go there's a full plot of detsen there's the Trinity assembly offers ham and beans all-you-can-eat ham and beans if it sits at the gas bill community center this may look like a good deal earn up to a thousand a month in just 22 hours a day get a couple of days for your offer yourself some of these are you know here this is like a new area dumb products look at this hard-of-hearing make every sound you face seem closer with Plus ear and I guess they also work with stassi's I'm not quite sure how to look at this painted pottsy's have this person come and paint the inside of your toilet ball lovely and here's the dumbest one four legged sweat suit for your canine jogging companion what dog wouldn't love that let's see let's go to weddings mmm oh here we go one of my favorite pile is like the weddings nuts ah it first thought of with an anniversary here's mr. and mrs. smiley and don't they look thrilled look at that picture start out with the sweet ones there's the young love wedding on let's move on to the holy treat wedding is the Miller beers wedding which of course leads to the stout Belcher wedding let's go to the bun Hatcher wedding is the people's bumpass wedding here's the touching Martin wedding about the grabber bird wedding you don't like that and go over to the Skinner weiner wedding you got some time you might want to stop by the lucky Johnson wedding or maybe you want to go with to the steel Peter wedding finally have a nice reception at the Woolley but wedding is all right there buddy one day night time for headline I thought this I thought this is an interesting headline these are two headlines on the same page one right below the other on the same paper see the top one happy birthday mr. president and virgins flock to right there's a story that could only come out of Washington senator cleaner air could hurt our state you don't want to rush into anything if you can't see the clumps how do you know what state huh Jeb you might like this bomb to teach herb course miscellaneous look at that American flag 60 stars that's a very rare award I could see 50 red you know we lost those 10 states are not owned here's the most frightening ad I've ever seen does this look like an accident waiting to happen Ford Bronco for sale oh you idiot open house park Columbia house editor 1 min look at that I like actual that is not yeah I love this kid medical clinic free and painless can you pull out that kid look like there's many people holding them down this is you know we all do these Amtrak jokes and I always feel terrible this is am track guy sent me this this is metropolitan division northeast car this is a bulletin or lamb track employees think you just realized employees must not wear sunglasses at night finally some of the trains have been heating things tired of working for only 975 an hour huh pan down we'll look you can work for two or nine dollars rigs there you get more just kidding six week old seeking good Christian home I think one of the cats is Jewish I didn't share here's kind of interesting when two adorable eight week old puppies for adoption but loving found mother German Shepherd father comes from a good neighborhood good neighborhood I believe they're very close friends of the Christian TV here's bridal suite is a here's a rather dismal view buy one get one free how about this one I saw this and this Elaine wanted stained discolored wedding gowns oh look it's Larry King Larry King saw a lek Kip Tyner City Council District five he possesses qualities account caring compassion and he's condescending that's important you know that's important for a politician to be condescending another say says they know - hair plugs I don't know if hair plugs are going to help I believe that's masonry summer all right guys you'll do anything to save their hair look at this one fuller thicker hair look at that just wear that for a couple of weeks women permanent cosmetics now look at the advantages advantages to use permanent makeup never smudging doesn't sorry look look at the last one loss of dexterity and vision here's one of my I love this is this is the hooting owl welcome guess with the who and look what it says there look also scares away intruders you folks you folks that live in a lot an area with a lot of gang activity you might want to put a couple these on the floor one more uh what I want to show people this one before we go that this is two ads ran in the same paper now look at this one on the left there you see that was in the family paper football games and this was in the college paper go over one see these different and finally oh this sounds painful doesn't it I'll let you read it yourself Monday night time for headlines here's an interesting headline people whose parachutes don't open are at a greater risk of you know I've seen a couple of jumps now boy this is just here you go look at this duh God distracted by Baywatch failed to see prisoners make escape six-person escape that the guards are watching scantily clad female lifeguards I like this one here is why you always have to read the fine print this is for Applebee's look at says the top lightening lunch 14 minutes or it's free look at the fine print no all the way down there does not apply to medium well or well-cooked entree I'll have the Accola burger st. Xavier University I think that's how you say at least they're honest you see now at least they're honest no one can say the hypocritical see it says with the liquor Secretary to provide sex and administrative support to the Dean well that's you know at least they're honest here's a classic example of what's wrong with our country ladies I'm gonna show you this this is from Friday's USA Today just happen to be looking through it I want to show you what does it say analysts China working on ways to win war with the US the Chinese military trying to win a war with the US they figured out how to do it go right down the same page US may sell nuclear technology this one I kind of like looking for people to wave at traffic while standing outside no experience is necessary and look what's underlined will train okay get that left arm a little higher that's it you got it Timmy concluded this is frightening laser surgery a genuine breakthrough and wrinkle removal now look at the before and after apparently they burned the woman's lips off there you go no tilt Cup special design to cutout cup let you drink without you know you know maybe you're just drinking too much alright file them - I'd like to have more beer but I'm exhausted listen I thought this was interesting you see the Christmas cake isn't that a beautiful Christmas cake with the tree and look it's a kosher Christmas cake this thing the chin Jim only minutes a day I was like two trying to get information out of hurt under this actually no that's what happen to me I worked out with that thing for about four hours now people just can't leave animals alone every week there's some other stupid animal thing and they must drug these animals look at this machine washable pittle pants for dogs idiot like that dogs not gonna get beat up the first time he walked up look at that here's something cat this guy lost a gay cat you know women you got to be pretty dumb to answer this look women any size free but massage hi I'm calling about the massage and meet you at your garage anyway I think this is a guy that's doing it here we'll the whites teaching style very hands-on areas oh we have wedding wedding wedding my favorite here's the crisp and tingle wedding there's the wilder and strange whip oh here's one we all hate to go to the long wedding there's the dull hug wedding this is good run for winter time it's the let it snow let it snow oh the weather outside there's the misdial with there's the look it's the white folks wedding Oh there's the pucker right whip maybe you care to attend the horny dose with getting a little more erotic there's the wand holder which is the yeah more wedding yeah yeah more wedding there's is the small Hardman small unmanned small hard man wedding is the Suzanne licked and James raved wedding they most certainly did yeah right I see a woman over there going like this you don't even want to see the ones we didn't we can put we gotta put a book out some of them are so obscene and then finally the last one it's the thrust and Peter's wedding let's get an unbelievable remember keV we're talking Friday night about that I think in Chester Pennsylvania they're handing out condoms in these six growths right you know it's getting younger and younger look at this headline this is terrible help your first grader get the first base come on this a well-written story jobless rates fall area unemployment rates fell from June to July largely due to people finding job keV you might find this interesting is background on marijuana and hemp little story look at the last paragraph it produces a high but has some side effects like memory loss dizziness rapid heartbeat loss of coordination memory loss here's your government at work okay poison used to count dead fish in Lake now fish were dying so they killed all the fish to count the fish I liked it's a dead fish which usually remains still are more easily counted there you go here's my kind of gal mother of eight started as a hobby dirt just kept having kids couldn't agree with this more cheerleaders must go to school without their skirts I believe I think President Clinton had something to say about this we have it we have that tape cheerleaders cheerleaders come on tiny hear so much about bad meat now you know it's a cold line stuff well nice to know it's safe look at this 85% fresh just cut off the Accola part I never heard of this brand this is oh boy cheese pizza I like what it says in there corner okay forget what we did before look now it's all real cheese okay look okay forget forget those first three or four thousand pizzas have you ever had these cheese crud well this made me chuckle I know how how people don't think we're being mean here but this kind of made me chuckling I'm sure they're very nice lovely people what is that come on show us right there is the dietary department being silly surprise lovely folks just being silly oh look at that you know I love products like this it says make your driveway instantly a safer play area you know you know if your kid is so stupid he can't figure out how to get around that you shouldn't be outside in the first place now here's something really strange AB Oren oh I know what this is best abdominal exercise I know you see the people exercising look at the guys it's like some of those potatoes he's got a person who has a stomach like that is that it's not even a stomach look electronic sinus relief there's something you want to put on when you have a headache look at this you fill this with water soak the sponge in water put it on your face and then plug it in the water heats up the man in the iron mask you go lighter and thinner you go look at these new glasses from LensCrafters I like what says here in a corner made from the most impact resistant material available with stands 200 mile an hour impact let me tell you something okay if you hit a wall in your classes 200 miles an hour I would think people gone Haley's these luckily the glasses are okay here's the Morgan funeral home a new place a familiar face Steve Morgan that's the face you want to see when you go into a mortuary event yeah now let this big thing look at these apartments here these are four million two hundred thousand dollar apartments and I like what it says at the bottom washer and dryer included oh thank you mediate what is here you go some kids flower show that kind of age we live in folks notice the person to remove the large pumpkin please return it it may be radioactive all plants around that are dead happy Halloween here's more property look at this ideally located a mallard island with Bayfront views of big s a woman bay hey you know Joe I like it here from a my window I can see big-ass a woman Paul you know these two guys you know these two guys look just a little too friendly in this ad alright yeah you know if the pants don't fit without another guy's handed them try another side along the same line there is the know what it says super wiener special and finally I'm not even going to say this one this is say does this look like a particularly these are bagel sandwiches can you go about or five or six down that was that one there hmm I here's an inching headline out of Charleston worker suffered leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head my let my head's fine is my leg that's corny you know you have to think about this one but I thought it was interesting asian-americans working hard to shatter workaholic stereotype you must work harder what is this one here oh hey guy no you know I have tried to do this this is so hard yeah I know you've worked hard to removing odor from hog manure not easier you know I enjoyed the Hartman over it's just the smell the hog manure you know you love having it around the house it's just the smelling how can you have manure without that smell and of course hopefully you know Zacky farms always advertises that this stuff is fresh look at this smoked dinosaur wings what about you know could you think of a worse name for this product and I guess this is the real name it's Kroger rat trap cheddar cheese here you go there's the weather forecast sunny but maybe not ah here's a house and Desert Hot Springs look at new 3-bedroom 2bath home in a nice neighborhood looks like a great get off you know if you can get past the obscenities written all over and the boarded-up windows beautiful neighborhood really I think the crack family lived here earlier though yeah by size cut this one out especially for you there's fifteen pot plants a hundred dollar range is good good looking out here's the kind of guarantee la you want to go on a diet always get a guarantee when you go on a diet lose six to 20 inches guaranteed will not come back unless we gain weight yeah should you gain weight well it's not one more I'm not sure I think this is JC Penn I'm not sure what it is I just thought this was so odd these are some lovely sweaters and look at the colors they come in ivory black lipstick red and look at the bottom one go down the bottom bordello blue why Susan you look like a [ __ ] thank you I thought you looked especially trampy tonight why I'm wearing my bordello blue sweater from Jersey you know I I'm sorry I think this dentist is perhaps padding this you stop hiding your smile look at the before teeth is anybody's teeth you think I'm sorry no I think you have some bigger problem possibly probably this is trying to get around your neck if your teeth attorney dream there you go son could be to blame for global warming you know where you get a couple of hydrogen bombs and just blow it out of there folks I don't know if this won't even show up I thought this was the dumbest product here better without a hearing aid you know hearing aids are so annoying why we what we're hearing aids when you go into an attractive device like this it says says like eyeglasses for your if they are sound in an answer people won't even know you're wearing it oh my god here's a lovely item what better way to celebrate Christmas there's the fish angel tree topper truly the spirit of Christmas and across after three days fish angel how does the fish have to do with a tree why would you dress a fish from an angel I can understand or the fish speak of have you ever heard of this it's Captain D's seafood chocolate cake see that's what you do with your fishing angel after 50th row then you put it in the Christmas cake Oh delicious you know I'm sure there's very good food here and the owner can't understand why people aren't coming to his restaurant hey honey you want to go down to the pukey seafood the food is really pukey damiana here's the strangest and I've ever seen person needed to help make cows into hamburger cow walks in hole goes out in pieces Oh lunch break oh I get back to work Johnson not for sale is the shul [ __ ] Cemetery look at hurry in look at a bio blunt look hurry in and beat the winter rush you see you know folks you want to try and be dead in the ground before though before the ground freezes over cuz I knew her and I gotta wait till spring I thought this was interesting it says the bride is the daughter of David and Sharon acres of Grand Prairie the bridegroom is the son of David and Sharon just a little more information that I want to know he has a book you can send away for if it gives you all these little helpful things I like the one that I've underlined there it says skin caught in zipper quick fix now you know any guy that's got to go out and wait six or eight weeks for delivery okay here you go here's you know here's a man with a tremendous amount of control and a woman with a very strong arm it's the Sydney dance company I would go to see that number and if you know anything all about ballet you know what particular one that was that's all the time we all right folks you gotta try for brand-new headlock I'll tell you these people down in Tallahassee Florida they don't miss a trick I guess it had trouble with people with prisoners escaping so after you put your mind to a problem look at this state presents to replace easy to open lock ooh I got a theory warden if it's just a theory right here here is a real political headline look at that Gore denies wrongdoing vows you'll never do it again you know for a while there we were building small cars you mean those cars are getting bigger these big 4x4 so here's proof here's the can you get a shot on that there's the 97 Lincoln townhouse look at that huge car - five-bedroom three-bath is the Lincoln townhouse is a huge automobile huge thing I am not familiar with this particular mobile home it's a 28 foot window bagel they are the little bagel please do not confuse that with the better built Winnebago please and of course with Passover what a perfect time 25 cents off season brand ham for Passover this place is holding a Halloween masquerade ball October 29th look at that sorry no masks permitted well that'll just be a lot of fun wanted this is what I love this is kind of odd I like look at this it's the cool neck collar soaked in water to activate can be reused just by Reese okey yeah I think that's called a wet rag hello it's just a wet rag I like I like book it can be reactivated by putting in the water you don't get away you reactivate it using the wet rag you idiot here you go lighted magnifier lets you work up close without eye strain I guess that's true if you're on the right side of it hey idiot a pinhead hey this thing doesn't work at all now this has new science fiction series from gene Roddenberry another man who wrote a Star Trek look down to the caption Gene Roddenberry apparently wrote this serious pilot before he died see they thought he had written it after he passed away but recent check show it must have been written before he died he goes City police moving the new building designed for them mill borough policemen art Watkins tends to business look at the police moving in on those cases of beer there is a percentage of snow and El Nino winters look at this chicago's average annual snowfall would be great if that wasn't Toledo leave Chicago's on the other side of the lake hello hello here's a lovely home there's a lovely home it's the former Woolworths country estate in hoons Dale Pennsbury four major buildings maintenance building rehabilitation situated among 44 acres of law folks if you want to live off the fat of the land this is the place to do it imagine a home 44 acres of lard I can you know I love music you know music is my life of course I saw this ad for the most romantic love songs of the 50s I'm thinking 40 original hits she 42 what would forty loves now they start off loves Tennessee walls that's a pretty good love song and memories are made of this Dean Martin I could the slums get a little less loving look at this one down here sixteen tons by load sixteen tall who didn't fall in love by that song really a love songs were another day older and deeper in debt what a love song that is sixteen tons there is a brenda dygraf dual action skier exerciser will trade for two large pizzas Oh how stupid are people how big an idiot you have to believe to believe this moronic ad as seen on TV wash away pounds and inches with the amazing seaweed weight water so slim down look it says lather penetrates the skin to break up fat globules slim down look it's tested as tested on TVs hardcopy well what could be more wash away what an idiot probably have to eat this oh boy here's another one here's another weight loss one look at this I like their head lose all your weight only $49 I don't I don't want to lose all my way I mean I think that would be death wouldn't it rooster lose all your weight you know it lost and found' look at this lost and found this guy found steak in my dog's mouth please identify the cut all right well Tacoma Washington's must be very proud look at this headline Tacomas SAT scores soar as they reach the US average let me tell you something our best kids are average now and finally let's go there's one last one here you can tell an Italian came up with this it's the Italian terracotta garlic roaster now what do you think what do you think that Italian guy was thinking about yes alright time for headlines yeah might want to think about going to this huh the booty reunion hell I'm their duty family getting together tax on Vice father Al Gore leads the discussion I like he Lords a nationwide teen anti smiling campaign wow look at this poor little girl this poor little girl wrote a letter to the president I states addressed it mister William Clinton 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington DC if post I've said sorry moved no forwarding address I love house ads I loved it his er a they looked will show you homes while the owners are sleeping I think that's called burglary I like this house here new addition offers homes with gates you know a gate is great unless you have a fence to go with hello he's an adverb bank it says need quick cash we have six locations the guy with a gun really the best stuff no you got the gun why even go to the bank now as an italian-american I take umbrage with this one this is made with a see they said it's made with Italian leather and look seats the whole mob oh this made me laugh I don't know why it says wrister the digital board game for 2 to 4 players but look what it says in the tiny caption any similarity between Worcester and Milton Bradley's game of Twister purely coincidental how can you even confuse it I like this one here's a new game of strategy yeah that looks like a real game of strategy then at all man-hours planning your next move is the creepiest ad I have seen in a long time three bodies in one head laying along roadside please call though identified is another bizarre ad warplane technology removes your unwanted hair let me tell you something if your hair is so bad you need warplane technology I think you got worse problems a free four year old female cat black white declawed look and neutered owner so you know you don't have to worry not to worry about the guy attacking you when you go over there you see another I've been neutered is the sheriff support 12 32 were put up an indecent exposure the Trailer Park caller stated woman was wearing a thong bikini and didn't have the body to go with it he has Allen brothers recipe of the month rump roast it's from the Eco down there Ellen it's from the Allen brothers mortuary I'd be a little suspend you guys get this rump roast anyway I don't even think I have to say anything here this woman sent me this this is for Seneca laxative she called a doctor the doctor recommended light you know it's very important did you get the instructions correct when giving out something under laxatives look when the doctor told her to do take one or two tablets in each nostril strike you don't know how bad that runny noses oh ah this seems like it would work yeah we got a couple here I like this one pressure washing by George houses decks boats ask for my and we got some weddings there's the fine loving wedding there's the wily Romeo wedding okay picking up speed slowly there's the sleigh bell money as the hefty breed wedding as their smoker high wedding is the wild feely wedding there's this kind of like this one is the freshwater hiney wedding got a freshwater honey yeah there's the little and large wedding so their sake I hope it's the right way around is the Burns Peters wedding and of course finally the jab and pain wedding folks we got a headline we need them Burbank California nine one five degrees

Channel: James Nettles

Views: 178,208

Keywords: leno, interview, johnny, carson

Id: oKCt70vSzBw

Length: 73min 51sec (4431 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 22 2016